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5 DEC 03: MALL-VELOUS

Last Friday [28 Nov] I told you about my year-end rule concerning malls - not going unless it's an absolute emergency. But I confess I made an exception Wednesday night. And I'm amazed to report to use I was NOT trampled down, like that woman at a Florida Wal-Mart.

Remember the item on my "Give Thanks" list [26 Nov] about pre-Thanksgiving sales at Peachtree Mall? At that sale last week I found a small digital camera on sale for $56 - but the battery refused to charge when plugged into my home computer. It was again a reminder that Bill Gates holds the REAL power over the computer industry.

The Customer Service line for the digital camera concluded my power supply line had a problem. I could send the camera to Texas for repairs, or take it back to the mall for an exchange. The mall trip would save postage - and I figured I'd get some exercise walking to and from the farthest spot in a crowded parking lot, about a block away.

Yet amazingly, Peachtree Mall's parking lot near Penney's was NOT crowded Wednesday night. I was able to park only a short walk from the door. I'm not sure whether shoppers still are recovering from last weekend's fling - or all the Baptists were at mid-week services.

The cashier at Penney's never had taken an exchange before, but with some help from a supervisor all went smoothly. Then came the big surprise - the digital camera was now at a LOWER price, so I had a six-dollar credit card rebate coming! I never felt so smart about owning something so defective.

(And since I originally used a Peachtree Mall gift certificate, I wound up buying a small digital camera for a grand total of around three bucks! It was the closest I've ever come to feeling like a winner on "The Price is Right.")

Falsely feeling ridiculously wealthy, I dared to celebrate the exchange and discount by walking inside Peachtree Mall. And again I was stunned - as on this Wednesday night, it was NOT really crowded at all. Only once did I spot a "NASCAR fan's delight." You know, people walking four-wide....

How I wished my new digital camera was charged and ready when I stopped at the Peachtree Mall food court for a snack. I found a great picture of true love - when you let your girlfriend take a bite from your fudge brownie.

You'll be pleased to know I charged digital camera #2 all day Thursday, and it worked well in test shots Thursday night. I may start taking it all over the Columbus area - and start feeling even more like a small-town newspaper reporter.

Now some this-n-that from a thick-skied Thursday....

+ Port Columbus posted a sign promoting "Victorian Christmas this weekend." How desperate is this museum getting, when the staff has to show Civil War-era lingerie?

+ West Central Georgia Mental Hospital held its holiday party. Several patients marked the occasion by standing on tables and declaring themselves the Kings of Talbot County, Bulgaria and cyberspace.

+ The annual "Night of Lights" celebration downtown ended for the first time with a fireworks show. It's about time this was added - since for many Southerners, lights aren't any fun unless you have to try to outshout them.

+ Columbus Wardogs owner Ed Randel confirmed the arena football team will stay in town next year. In fact, he admitted he was "bluffing a little" about possibly selling or moving the team. The city's government access channel put Randel on the guest list for its first "Chattahoochee Valley Celebrity Poker Shootout."

(The Wardogs' training camp opens in March - and Ed Randel will be on to teach quarterbacks how to fake out people.)

+ A Christian bookstore in Auburn decided NOT to stock my debut CD. The music buyer explained it "didn't fit in stylistically" with what they're doing right now. Maybe I should have added a rap song, with a hip-hop beat?!

(The music buyer said my CD probably would have been put in the "Southern gospel" category. And I guess that's the problem - because I never say y'all on the album once.)

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© 2003 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.