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2 DEC 03: 9 + 54 = ??

Monday marked a mini-merger in The Mass Media of metro Columbus - but it might have left a few TV viewers confused. People watching Fox-54 may have seen promotions for another station. Now we apparently know why Fox-54 started calling itself "The Laugh Leader."

It's not a complete TV station merger, but WXTX Fox-54's control room has moved into the control room of another station. This is legal under what's called a "shared services contract" - the same sort of thing which has led to Kentucky Fried fish planks at Long John Silver's shops around town.

We're told Fox-54 still has separate owners and sales staff, but much of the rest of the station is now blended with another station. It's probably set up so the two signals can't be switched -- though it would be interesting to watch Peter Jennings interview the cartoon "King of the Hill" at 6:30 p.m.

(Consider the Clear Channel radio stations in Columbus. They've taken pains to make sure you never hear Rush Limbaugh during a set of soul music on "Magic 98.3.")

We didn't realize until Monday that Fox-54's sales staff works from an office near Britt David Road. Until Monday, the station studios were on the other side of Columbus along Buena Vista Road. They didn't have to prepare a "Tale of Two Cities" report - because they WERE one.

(So what will happen to the Fox-54 studios on Buena Vista? Columbus city leaders may have found a better place to put that new indoor skate park - complete with desks for jumping off.)

A friend pointed out to me Monday afternoon the station combination is filled with multiples of nine. Fox-54 is six times nine. Its new control room is at "Channel Nine." The transition led to nine job cuts. [True] And there's one thing he forgot - Fox carries Major League Baseball games, with nine-inning games and nine-player teams.

(So what do you think is next - a mix of the two stations on channel 63?)

This really isn't the first case of "station sharing" on Columbus TV. WRBL's 6:00 p.m. news has been rebroadcast on WCGT TV-16 at 7:00 p.m. for more than a year. About the only meaningful thing that did was chase talk show host Jerry Laquire completely off the air....

(But what do you know - hours after I wrote that joke, Jerry Laquire's talk show returned to the air on TV-16 Monday night! Of course, when the host can't remember the name of a street in his own neighborhood, maybe HE didn't expect to be back on, either.)

Then there's NBC-38, which has operated "WBG" for a couple of years - a cable channel showing the WB Network's programs. It's also where tired talk shows such as Ricki Lake's go to die....

BLOG UPDATE: Tommy Tuberville came out of seclusion Monday, and announced he WILL stay on as Auburn University's head football coach. It's hard to remember the last time a coach with a 7-5 record came out looking better than any of his bosses.

The Auburn University President and Athletic Director met in private with Tommy Tuberville, and apologized to him for that secret trip to Louisville. Next time, they'll make that trip in May -- when they can disguise it as a horse racing vacation.

Tommy Tuberville claims he never considered leaving Auburn, as details of the Louisville trip unfolded. For one thing, that 7-5 record wouldn't be good enough to get him the head coaching job at Nebraska....

Tommy Tuberville told reporters he plans to stay at Auburn for "a long time." The man who should be most concerned about this is Stan White. Another lousy season, and Tuberville's promise might be met by making him Auburn radio football analyst.

Tommy Tuberville dared to declare his goal is to win a national championship at Auburn. So when does he plan to become assistant coach of the swimming team?

Tommy Tuberville admitted after the events of the last two weeks, "we all have to learn to trust each other." If I stood in Coach Tuberville's shoes, I'd trust his bosses about as far as the Auburn punter can kick them.

Auburn Athletic Director David Housel said he's been trying to contact the University of Louisville, to apologize for that trip to recruit the Cardinals' coach. He considered it a simple trip to U-L, but it became a journey straight into H-E-*-L.

Now let's clear some things off the notepad, from the start of a new week:

+ A woman walked into the Mildred Terry Library branch the other day and demanded to know why her daughter was sent home before her planned pick-up time of 3:30 p.m. "Something could have happened to her," the mom complained. This mother somehow doesn't think things can happen to children left alone IN the library, too.

+ Phenix City police accused a man and woman of attempting to shoplift items from a Winn-Dixie store - then setting a Rottweiler dog on an employee who tried to stop them. C'mon, folks! Next time, simply drive back home and get your discount card.

+ Nobody asked me, but.... why is Michael Vick playing quarterback again? The Falcons are out of playoff contention. If you keep Vick on the bench the next four weeks, he won't aggravate his injury - and his team might wind up with a better draft pick.

(Besides, Michael Vick's heading to the Pro Bowl whether he plays or not. I have a Ritz Cracker box, which says a lucky winner gets to snack with him in Hawaii in February.)

+ Instant Message to Meineke Car Care at 901 Veterans Parkway: You are FIVE blocks from the Civic Center -- not four blocks as your latest mailing claims. Ninth Street to Fourth Street implies five. Next time you work on my car, I'm triple-checking your bill.

© 2003 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.