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26 DEC 03: THE SHARPTON IMAGE
Talk about a city getting no respect! Columbus didn't win a Presidential debate. Only today is a Presidential candidate finally coming to town - and the campaign isn't even the main reason why he's coming.
Al Sharpton will wear his "National Action Network" hat, as he appears in Columbus to talk about the shooting of Kenneth Walker on I-185. If you think about it, that civil rights group has a curious name. Most of the time they're complaining about wrong actions people do....
(So if there's a network, where's their broadcasting division - with the "National Action News?")
I didn't realize until the other night that Al Sharpton has connections to a famous Georgia musician. He spent several years as a manager for James Brown's concert tours. Isn't this amazing? Brown had close contact with a minister, and STILL he went to prison.
Al Sharpton's appearing at the Spirit-Filled Church in Columbus. As it happened, WRBL cancelled its 12:00 noon news Thursday to show a program from that church. Pastor Wayne Baker admitted sometimes he has trouble remembering people's names. If Sheriff Ralph Johnson ever names the deputy who shot Kenneth Walker, that'll be an exception.
The Wayne Baker "Pastor's Corner" telecast apparently was taped a few weeks ago. He never mentioned the Kenneth Walker case, and spent most of his time explaining the Bible. If Baker hopes to become a civil rights leader, he'll need to unlearn that habit....
LAUGHLINE RERUN: Al Sharpton made news often during the LaughLine era - and here's some of what we wrote about him in recent years:
24 Mar 00: Religious reconciliation may have hit the U.S. House Thursday, when a Catholic priest became Chaplain. You may recall Democrats accused Republicans of prejudice, for offering a Presbyterian minister for the job. A potential
compromise candidate lost his chance - because Al Sharpton has jail time to serve.
16 May 00: As new TV shows come in, some old ones must go. One of the programs NBC canceled was "Profiler." This gives Al Sharpton one less thing to boycott.
14 Sep 00: African-American "Cassandra" was kicked out of the "Big Brother" house Wednesday night -- leaving four "white folks" and the Asian-American Curtis. If they think the megaphones and banners outside the house are bad now, just wait until Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton show up.
30 Oct 00: Then there's the [political] ad by the group "Americans Against Hate." It claims Albert Gore was endorsed by Al Sharpton, who once called Adolf Hitler "a great man." Commercials like this must scare some people away from politics. Who knows if they'll kiss a baby whose ancestors owned slaves 200 years ago?
1 Jan 01: White House aides announced Sunday President Clinton will accept a treaty to create a permanent "International War Crime Court".... Opponents of this treaty fear other countries will take the U.S. to the International War Crime Court, and accuse our leaders of genocide. Other countries?! We suspect Al Sharpton or Louis Farrakhan would do it first....
19 Jan 01: Jesse Jackson had been organizing a big election protest in Tallahassee this weekend.... Another leader of the Florida protest, Al Sharpton, dared to say Thursday the timing of the Jesse Jackson affair [announcement] was "a bit suspect." What time would have been better -- Monday, on Martin Luther King Day? Or February, during "Black History Month?"
4 May 01: The [Survivor 2] reunion show revealed "Survivor Three" will be staged in Africa. Uh oh -- now Al Sharpton will be calling for "minority set-asides...."
21 May 01: The weekend was filled with interesting political rumors. Al Sharpton told "Time" magazine he plans to run for President in 2004. It would help if Rainbow/PUSH gave Sharpton a donation -- but he might have to make someone pregnant first.
Al Sharpton told "Time" he got the idea about running for President while sitting under a tree in Sudan. How many
Democrats wish he'd double-check that idea - and run for President OF Sudan?
24 May 01: Presidential candidate Al Sharpton was ordered jailed in Puerto Rico Wednesday. He's already taking Democratic politics to a new level. Bill Clinton was only accused of criminal offenses -- while Sharpton's actually serving time.
Al Sharpton must serve a 90-day sentence for trespassing onto a U.S. Navy base, to protest bombing practice on the Puerto Rican island of Vieques. This may be an early clue of Sharpton's position on the military - against it.
Al Sharpton complained about Puerto Rico's court system. He says he was informed only Tuesday about his hearing on
trespassing charges, and never had time to obtain adequate counsel. Given the things Sharpton does, we're amazed he doesn't keep a full-time lawyer on his staff
31 May 01: Jesse Jackson visited presidential candidate Al Sharpton in a Brooklyn, New York jail. Jackson left announcing
Sharpton is on a hunger strike. Critics considered Sharpton's waistline, and said he's prepared a long time for this....
5 Jun 01: Presidential candidate Al Sharpton rejected an appeal to stop his jailhouse hunger strike - from his mother! Mom's
apparently concerned Sharpton will lose so much weight that he'll finally see what's inside his belly button.
8 Jun 01: How's Presidential candidate Al Sharpton doing on that jailhouse hunger strike? Well, Sharpton's lawyers now
admit to "Newsday" he's actually been eating soup! And since it's Al Sharpton, no doubt it's "Chunky" soup.
C'mon, now: how can Al Sharpton's lawyers actually claim he's still on a hunger strike, while he's eating soup!?!? Wellll - maybe for him, the meat in the chicken noodle soup FEELS like a hunger strike. Those church dinners tend to serve big chicken thighs.
(Al Sharpton's eating soup on a hunger strike, eh?!?! That's a bit like Vice President Cheney saying he's watching his health by eating doughnut HOLES.)
13 Jun 01: Presidential candidate Al Sharpton told the "New York Times" he's lost 14 pounds on his jailhouse hunger strike. We're not sure how Sharpton came up with this precise number - unless he's finally able to tighten his belt half-a-notch.
22 Jun 01: One of television's best-known actors died late Thursday.... Carroll O'Connor broke new ground in TV comedy on "All in the Family." He played a bigot who actually used racial slurs and swear words. Today, of course, Archie Bunker couldn't live in New York. Al Sharpton would have protested outside his house too many times....
2 Jul 01: Presidential candidate Al Sharpton ended a 30-day jail-cell hunger strike. Aides say he lost 29 pounds. This is a warning to New York's "all-you-can-eat" restaurants -- stock up now.
10 Jul 01: The Wimbledon men's champion was quite a longshot - Croatia's Goran Ivanisevic, ranked 125th in the world. To give you some comparison, imagine Al Sharpton actually winning the Presidency in 2004....
18 Jul 01: Presidential candidate Al Sharpton threatened to sue the U.S. Navy. He says when he was arrested for protesting bombing practice in Puerto Rico, he was strip-searched. This WOULD be cruel and unusual punishment - at least for the people who had to see Sharpton naked.
17 Aug 01: Presidential candidate Al Sharpton gets out of jail. He's ending a 90-day sentence for protesting Navy bombing
practice on Vieques - AND he's lost 30 pounds behind bars! Look out, Republicans! Sharpton now has the endurance to be even MORE long-winded.
21 Aug 01: Al Sharpton confirmed Monday he's considering a campaign for President in 2004. The first step is to form an "exploratory committee," to see if a run is viable. Until Sharpton lost those 30 pounds, a "run" from him obviously was not.
(What exactly will Al Sharpton's exploratory committee do? We can see it raising money for long road trips, to ask church groups to clap their hands if they want him to run.)
Al Sharpton told reporters he's qualified to run for President, because "I've been in public policy all my life." He noted Jesse Ventura had NO such experience. Well, yes - but Governor Ventura looked like he could pin lawmakers to the floor, to get his way.
Al Sharpton defended his possible campaign by asking, "Are we going back to a United States of only white male landowners engaging in the political process?" We thought this man had met Colin Powell and Hillary Rodham Clinton....
Al Sharpton's main issue is that the Democratic Party is drifting too far to the right. Of course, Sharpton probably believes Conservative Republicans are SO far to the right that they're rolled over belly-up in a ditch.
Al Sharpton's announcement came only three days after he ended a 90-day jail term, for protesting Navy bombing drills in Puerto Rico. Will this hurt Sharpton's chances of becoming President? Probably not -- he'll argue compared with Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich, at least he SERVED time for the sins he committed.
2 Oct 01: Our main [vacation] destination is Panama City Beach -- in an area where the tourist bureaus love to boast about "white sand beaches." We keep waiting for Al Sharpton to complain about this, because it's obviously a hint about what sort
of visitors they want.
17 Oct 01: Al Sharpton promised to file a lawsuit, challenging the results of the Democratic runoff for Mayor of New York.
So much for all those "America Stands United" signs and T-shirts. People forgot Sharpton was still around....
25 Dec 01: Al Sharpton ended a 90-day jail term in August - leaving 30 pounds lighter, and talking about running for
President. Keep this in mind for 2004: if Sharpton gets elected, the White House kitchen staff probably will have to double in size.
9 Jan 02: Meanwhile, the Maryland State Police played a "cop-cam" videotape of a suspected skyjacker Tuesday. Ziad
Jarrah was stopped by troopers two days before the Tuesday of terror, and received a ticket for speeding. If Al Sharpton had kept his big mouth shut, some good racial profiling might have prevented a disaster....
15 Jan 02: Presidential candidate Al Sharpton announced he'll soon travel to India and Pakistan. He hopes to steer the
countries away from war, by reminding the leaders of Martin Luther King Junior's message of nonviolence. Two words, Pastor Sharpton - Mahatma Gandhi.
26 Mar 02: The Associated Press timed Halle Berry's Oscar acceptance speech, and found she talked and sobbed for nearly four-and-a-half minutes! Well, would YOU have interrupted her at that moment - and risked having Al Sharpton march outside your house?
3 May 02: Possible presidential candidate Al Sharpton addressed the National Press Club in Washington. He said in 2004,
African-American voters should "renegotiate their relationships" with the major parties. How much more money does he want?
4 Jun 02: The world breathed a bit easier Monday about a possible nuclear war - when Al Sharpton announced he will travel to India and Pakistan within two weeks. We fear Sharpton will come down on the side of India, since its food tends to be higher in fat.
(Come to think of it, Al Sharpton just might be the man to bring peace between India and Pakistan. He disrupted the U.S. Navy's practice bomb-dropping in Vieques - so this is the next step up.)
Al Sharpton admits he doesn't know who will go with him on the trip to South Asia - and in fact, he has no meetings set up yet. This is one reason why Sharpton's considering a campaign for President. He'd get a government-paid staff, to handle all those little details....
State Department officials say the U.S. government can handle the India-Pakistan tension without Al Sharpton's help. For one thing, the catering bill ought to be substantially less.
8 Jul 02: Michael Jackson told a Harlem news conference Sony Music's Tommy Mottola uses racial slurs.... At one point during the media event in Harlem, Michael Jackson actually kissed Al Sharpton! If Sharpton goes ahead and runs for President, the tradition of candidates kissing babies might be reversed.
11 Jul 02: Possible presidential candidate Al Sharpton has been around Michael Jackson for many of these race-related claims. Sharpton seems unsure what to think of this - first supporting Jackson, then backing away. After all, he'd have to support so many rappers currently in jail....
Curious quote of the day: Al Sharpton told his New York music summit the other day, "Record companies are like the Rocky Mountains. The higher you go, the whiter they get." Excuse us, PASTOR Sharpton - but didn't God create the
Rockies that way in the first place? Or did the white settlers foul them up?
25 Jul 02: Al Sharpton filed a billion-dollar defamation suit against Home Box Office Wednesday. Win this case, and he'll have more than enough money to run for President....
Al Sharpton is suing H-B-O over Tuesday's "Real Sports" program, which showed a 19-year-old F.B.I. tape. The tape shows Sharpton talking to a federal agent about a cocaine deal. Even then, there was one overriding issue for Sharpton - would this drug help him lose weight?
Al Sharpton says H-B-O's playing of the 1983 F-B-I tape was "defamatory and irresponsible." That's strange - we haven't heard him say that to Michael Jackson, about that feud with Sony Music.
Home Box Office calls Al Sharpton's lawsuit "silly." The cable channel claims Sharpton never provided a second F.B.I. tape,
which he claims cleared him of wrongdoing. How nice of Sharpton to think of Black Entertainment Television first....
An H-B-O spokesperson adds Al Sharpton was invited to appear on "Real Sports," but declined. That's a shame - because finally a minister could appear, to balance out all the smut on "Sex and the City" and "The Sopranos."
BUT.... lest you think I have a one-track mind, let's play a holiday game of "open or closed." A Thursday afternoon drive around town found:
+ Jumbo China Super Buffet on Wynnton Road - open. Does this prove the owners are closet Communists?
+ Peachtree Mall - closed. You missed your best chance in four weeks to get a parking space near the door.
+ Walgreens stores - open. With all the supermarkets closed, they made a killing from people who run out of chips.
+ Pop Austin Recreation Center - closed. What's this about?!?! People can only watch basketball on Xmas night, instead of playing some to work off dinner?
+ Waffle House on Macon Road - open. On holidays like this, these restaurants are covered and smothered. With hungry customers....
BIG PREDICTION UPDATE: OK, so the Blue team beat the Gray Thursday in the big all-star football showdown in Troy. Remember, I was the same guy who thought Kansas could beat North Carolina State the other night -- and K.U. lost by 30 points.
BLOG YEAR-IN-REVIEW will continue this weekend....
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© 2003 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.