31 AUG 05: SHELTER FROM THE STORM
(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Today's entry has language which may offend some readers. It's in the E-mail Update section - but
we have several other hopefully G-rated jokes first.)
OK, I take some of it back. After seeing gas prices jump to record highs in Columbus Tuesday, I'm willing to admit New Orleans is an important oil city. But I don't think the Saints will do any better this season, playing their home games in Baton Rouge.
The lowest-priced gas stations in Columbus moved their prices to a record $2.69 a gallon for unleaded Tuesday. It jumped 25 cents in 24 hours - so could we please stop showing news reports, with experts talking the price even higher?
Evacuees from Hurricane Katrina simply are happy to drive anywhere that's dry, and dozens of them now are in Columbus. So please be gentle, if you come upon a car with a Louisiana license plate -- at least until Saturday. Then college football starts, and everything's different....
Hilton Terrace Baptist Church on Warm Springs Road became a shelter for hurricane survivors Tuesday. More than 100 people arrived, many of them from St. Bernard Parish in Louisiana. This must puzzle some church members, who wonder why counties are named after dogs.
Hilton Terrace Baptist Church was ready for children who fled Katrina. It has a table tennis table, and games such as "Twister" and.... hey, wait a minute. Do we really want to bring out Twister, after all the tornado warnings and damage?
Several Columbus businesses are donating items for the hurricane survivors. For instance, the "Crazy Chicken" restaurant provided them dinner Tuesday night. Uh-oh, what's next - Crazy Cecil's and the "Kick'n Chicken" providing alcohol?
Another 50 or so evacuees are staying at First Baptist Church in Opelika. This is one time when the group "Alabama Atheists" stands at a disadvantage. All they can offer is a small office, and literature leaving survivors to blame for everything that went wrong.
A New Orleans minister and his family fled to a Columbus motel. You almost wish that man was still in Louisiana - doing some street preaching, to stop those looters in the French Quarter.
Then there are the extra people inside the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer. Staff members from the Biloxi, Mississippi Sun-Herald have moved there, to publish daily newspapers. Given the price of gasoline to ship those papers, I won't be surprised if each edition costs three dollars.
Why did newspaper employees from Biloxi come all the way to Columbus? The official reason is that Knight-Ridder publishes the daily papers in both cities. But some of us can figure out the unofficial reason - the Biloxi staff can't find a place to gamble anywhere in Alabama.
If you want to help hurricane survivors, Mitzi Oxford with the American Red Cross says the two best ways are giving blood and donating cash. She probably would NOT recommend you combine the two, by showing up at an emergency room with a machete.
BLOG UPDATE: Elsewhere, the haggling over Russell County Courthouse space is becoming confusing. Now Probate Judge Al Howard says the County Commission offered him no place for an office - after first saying he was offered an office that's too small. Are they planning to expand the courthouse because it's shrinking?
Probate Judge Al Howard said Tuesday a proposed new work area for him won't work, because it's too open. He explained he needs doors closed for many of his meetings. You suspected all along he was a typical politician....
(Is Al Howard's budget THAT tight in Russell County? A couple of full-length hanging curtains at Wal-Mart for privacy shouldn't cost that much.)
But if Al Howard doesn't leave the current Probate Judge's office by the end of the week, the Russell County Commission threatens to obtain an injunction against him. Considering the man they're dealing with, every word of that injunction had better be exactly right.
One woman has started a petition drive to keep Probate Judge Al Howard in his current office space. Lucile Dixon said Tuesday at least 300 people have signed her petitions. Isn't this amazing? More people in our area may care about work space than recalling a controversial sheriff....
Lucile Dixon's petition claims Al Howard's office needs to stay where it is especially "for disabled citizens." So if Russell County obtains an injunction against the Probate Judge, could it be sued for violating federal disability law? Why not level that big hill outside the courthouse on 14th Street, while we're at it?
While this office tug-of-war drags on, new security equipment for the Russell County Courthouse sits unused. It can't be installed until the Probate Judge's office is vacated. This seems to prove at least one thing - Phenix City has no known terrorists.
E-MAIL UPDATE: We're still hearing from you about our stunning admission of 21 Aug:
Sounds like you're proud to be a virgin.........eek. At your age, maybe a little help from a clean whore would help; not a Columbus one tho. ATL would be your best bet. Try either Cheetah's or Pink Pony. They're pretty hot. Or for the adventurer in you, The World Famous Fannie's off of Fulton Industrial. I'm sure after all these years, God would look away for a bit. We're talking about the guy who created the platypus. He knows how to take a joke.
Sometimes you feel like a nut........sometimes....you just gotta bust one
Why AR, I'm shocked - SHOCKED! - again. I thought you had to watch a Jennifer Lopez video to see a world-famous "fanny."
Am I proud to be a virgin? Naaah, I wouldn't put it that way. I made a statement of fact, in response to that movie. If I really was proud of it, I'd find one of those "Virginia is for Lovers" T-shirts and cross out a couple of letters.
AR begs a touchy question here - are Atlanta "women" (substituting a W-word) clean, while Columbus women aren't? Wasn't it the Atlanta rap crowd which invented the phrase "dirty south?"
I must confess I'm a bit familiar with the "hot" places in Atlanta AR mentions. I used to live in suburban College Park, and made plenty of trips down the notorious former Stewart Avenue. In fact, I stopped on that street a few times - and I thank Nalley Honda for selling me my current car.
(But hold on - the Pink Pony?! Wasn't that a toy and TV series for children years ago? I think that was the color of "My Little Pony....")
Now let's clean up our thinking, with some other news items from Tuesday:
+ Columbus Council approved $15,000 in extra money for the local "Drug Court," making a total of $42,000 from the city in the last year. Federal grant money for the court is down - and I guess fines are down, because people are hiding their marijuana much better.
(Mayor Bob Poydasheff said he'll ask local attorneys to take Drug Court cases for free, to save money. Somehow I don't expect to see Ken Nugent walk into that courtroom for awhile.)
+ Senator Johnny Isakson of Georgia held an education "listening session" at Hannan Magnet Academy. Some students were there to ask the Senator questions - but there's no word on who won the prize for spelling Isakson correctly.
+ A new report showed Georgia high school students did a bit better on the Scholastic Aptitude Test last year. But they're still tied with South Carolina for 49th among the states -- so people in Augusta who sing about "Georgia-lina" may not be able to use it in a proper sentence.
+ The Atlanta Falcons waived wide receiver Peerless Price, who was brought in from Buffalo to be the perfect partner for Michael Vick. It turned out he wasn't Peerless - and as a result, he's Jobless.
+ The Columbus Kiwanis Club honored 95-year-old retired federal judge J. Robert Elliott. He apparently needs a wheelchair to get around these days - but I wouldn't be surprised if his chair pusher still is sworn to secrecy.
(BLOGGER'S NOTE II: Someone quite different is scheduled to appear at the Columbus Kiwanis Club in a couple of weeks. Details are upcoming.)
SONG OF THE DAY: AR's e-mail made me think of Lee Greenwood, one thing led to another and -- wellll....
And I'm proud to be a virgin,
Since I have no STD's.
And I don't have to recall the babes
Who want to get back at me.
And I'll gladly stand up next to you,
And hug you as you may.
But there ain't no doubt I'll stop right there....
Until my wedding day!!!!
SCHEDULED THURSDAY: Did AR say something about nuts? Wait until you see this....
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