18 AUG 05: I FLIPPED FOR MULTICULTURALISM

The sign seems so preposterous, most people probably do a double take when they see it: "Phenix City Brazilian Jiu Jitsu." Which is more preposterous - the thought of Brazilian people doing jiu jitsu, or Brazilians living or working in Phenix City at all?

Phenix City Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a brand-new business on Crawford Road, a bit inside the 280 Bypass. With a name like that, I simply had to know more. After all, for all the talk of "One Columbus" there probably still are several Phenix Cities - beyond the great divide which is the Lee-Russell County line.

The only sign of trouble I noticed outside Phenix City Brazilian Jiu Jitsu was a misspelled banner saying, "GRAND OPENNING." This could be evidence the owner is an immigrant from Brazil - but then again, Central High School didn't make adequate yearly progress this year.

I walked inside Phenix City Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Wednesday night, and found four people wearing white robes warming up. Many people in East Alabama would be comfortable with that - but some might wonder where their hoods are.

It appeared two pairs of men were doing warm-up stretches, only with one person lifting up the other. People who walked in not knowing better might be shocked by this -- and think GCW wrestlers actually were practicing their holds for Saturday night.

One of the "men in white" (with apologies to Columbus Tech) then came over to chat with me. Iako said Phenix City Brazilian Jiu Jitsu opened a couple of weeks ago. Based on the small turnout Wednesday night, people haven't flipped completely for this yet.

So what about that name, "Brazilian Jiu Jitsu?" Iako said yes, jiu jitsu comes from Japan. In fact, he told me judo developed from jiu jitsu - so you black belt apostates should repent, and get back to the old-fashioned ways.

(My American Heritage Dictionary indicates "jiu jitsu" translates from Japanese into "soft art." In this country, that term would refer to designer pillows from those top-dollar furniture stores.)

Iako explained Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a variation on the Japanese tradition, with more techniques where participants do not get hurt. That certainly beats my theory about that name - that people did martial arts in skimpy samba outfits.

(I should note Iako did not look either Japanese or Brazilian. If anything, he reminded me of country singer Cowboy Troy - only Iako's waistline shows he obviously exercises.)

Curiously, the license plates outside Phenix City Brazilian Jiu Jitsu were from North Carolina more than any other state. I didn't know Brazilian jiu jitsu is a big deal there. Maybe it's what you do in winter, if no one brings a basketball to the gym.

Iako says he's trying to spread the word about Phenix City Brazilian Jiu Jitsu mostly through "word of mouth." He apparently pays for the studio space through children's sessions two evenings a week -- because I didn't see a concession stand selling Brazil nuts.

So if you've driven by Phenix City Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and wondered what goes on there, now you know. It is NOT a place where you can learn Latin ballroom dance steps....

BLOG UPDATE: While we're in P.C., there's progress in the Troy University name change [3 Aug]. A trip down U.S. 431 Wednesday found the giant sign at the campus entrance is gone! Either the change from Troy State is underway - or the sign is hidden for next week's Chattahoochee Valley Community College scavenger hunt.

Highway crews have done their part to make the transition from T.S.U. to T.U. Green direction signs along U.S. 280 and 431 now have the "state" covered. In most cases, a governmental cover-up like this would bring calls for an investigation.

But on the Troy University campus in Phenix City, there's still no "sign" of change. "Troy State" remains all over the signs and buildings. They should have a ceremony officially removing that word from the campus - you know, State's rites.

Plenty of other things happened Wednesday which are worthy of mentioning:

+ About 25 supporters of Iraq war opponent Cindy Sheehan held a candlelight vigil in downtown Hamilton. Then they scurried away, before military veterans took down their license plate numbers to organize vigils outside THEIR homes.

+ Russell County Judge Al Johnson announced he'll run for a seat on Alabama's Supreme Court. The sooner he takes that office, the sooner Probate Judge Al Howard can have his office space....

(So let's not wait around here, and settle the big issue in any Alabama Supreme Court race. Where is Judge Al Johnson's Ten Commandments plaque?)

+ The Talbot County town of Woodland warned its drinking water has unsafe bacteria. Then an emergency water truck showed up from Atlanta -- only it wasn't cleaned properly, so its water couldn't be used! How about giving residents the soda being removed from all the grade schools?

+ Georgia's Board of Human Resources endorsed a budget which would close West Central Regional Mental Hospital. But this suggestion has been turned down before - so you tell me who the crazy people are....

+ Columbus State University President Frank Brown announced he's giving all faculty and staff members a free tree. Uh-oh, I can see it now - the "Lowe's Nature Center at Oxbow Meadows."

(Which members of the C.S.U. staff went outside to choose their tree, and asked which one the money grows on?)

+ A group of parents formed a picket line outside Beulah Elementary School, demanding a recess period be restored. One parent explained people can't be effective without regular breaks during the day. You can always spot the smokers in the crowd....

(Beulah Elementary's Principal explained recess had to be stopped, because new state requirements call for a 90-minute reading period each day. I propose a compromise -- with audio books programmed into iPods.)

+ Alabama's High School Activities Association announced all football games will have mandatory "heat timeouts" each quarter, for the first three weeks of the season. OK, which radio advertiser suggested this - Alfa Insurance? Bruno's??

+ Instant Message to the Georgia Wildlife Federation: If your "Buckarama" ended August 7, why were commercials for it appearing in Columbus on August 17? How backwards do you think we are?

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.55 a gallon at the Citgo truck stop on U.S. 431.... milk for $1.99 a gallon at Spectrum.... Catfish "Bald is Beautiful" night: baseball fans who want discount tickets should avoid Rogaine for a day....

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