23 AUG 05: CTL-C CTL-V?

Columbus's next indoor football team received a nickname Monday: the Vipers. Well, OK - as if players in the Atlantic Indoor Football League can afford to buy and drive one....

The owners of the new indoor football team apparently wanted a regional name - so they'll be called the Chattahoochee Valley Vipers. Are Columbus sports fans really comfortable with a name like this? If officials in Georgetown or Fort Gaines decide to build a big new arena, this team might move.

The owners of the new team say hundreds of people suggested the Viper nickname, during an online "name the team" contest. Perhaps it's because the Columbus Cottonmouths already play hockey at the Civic Center. Or perhaps it's because the summer rain has brought out more snakes than we realized.

The first person to submit the winning name Chattahoochee Valley Vipers was Hamilton's Barry Lyon. He wins Vipers season tickets for life - or as a cynical-sounding friend of mine said Monday, "Two years."

(Barry Lyon says he even was offered the opportunity to lead a Vipers fan club - but he's not sure he'll take on the task. What, like it's hard?! Simply reserve a few tables at a sports bar every couple of weeks....)

When I heard the new name Chattahoochee Valley Vipers, it sounded very familiar. That's because the old Columbus Wardogs used to play the TENNESSEE Valley Vipers, which were based in Huntsville. I almost wondered if our team received a group discount on shirts and uniforms.

But a check online shows our new indoor football team probably is safe from a lawsuit. The Tennessee Valley Vipers dropped out of the "A-F-2 League" after the 2004 season, as the Wardogs did -- so maybe this is a swap of one nickname for two draft picks.

(The team in Huntsville moved to a different indoor football league, and now calls itself the Tennessee Valley Pythons. You'd think it would take a nickname like the Aardvarks - and fully claim the initials T-V-A.)

The Chattahoochee Valley Vipers also named a head coach and general manager Monday - a man named Richard Britt. With a first name like Richard, don't expect many jokes from me about him for a long time....

The Atlantic Indoor Football League will announce its schedule in October, and begin its new season next February. This will give the Chattahoochee Valley Vipers plenty of time to....

+ Take applications from prospective players - and if they submit C-V "curriculum vitae" instead of resumes, so much the better.

+ Organize a team of slim and trim dancers - the C-V-Leans.

+ Work out a deal for game telecasts - or C-V-T-V.

(If radio broadcasts are in Spanish, would that be C-V-si-si?)

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: When the first "indoor football" team in Columbus was announced, we were there for the news. Here's how we reported it in the LaughLine issue of 31 Oct 00:

An "Arena Football" team is coming to our town. Monday's announcement was promoted as a "pep rally open to the public." We counted fewer than 100 people on hand, including reporters. In our town, most people only have pep for things once they see them.

Our town's team will play in the minor league known as "A-F-2." We looked at the league's map full of current and possible cities, and thought it was the plan for "Air Force Two" - [Vice President] Albert Gore's plane.

An Arena Football Two official said the league plans to have anywhere from 60 to 72 teams within five years. We thought the football seasons were long NOW - but this league could take 18 months for everyone to play each other.

The announcement of the team was emceed by the manager of the local sports arena. He thanked almost everyone who works there, including the sanitation crew. "We promised to keep the building new for ten years," the manager said. After that, we can apparently buy the carpet in the lobby at a discount.

The general manager of the unnamed team described Arena Football this way: "It's a rock concert - and a football game's gonna break out." Has this man ever heard of the phrase "mosh pit?"

(A high school drum corps was recruited to play at the announcement ceremony, in the sports arena lobby. If an Arena Football game is THAT loud, the concession stands had better sell earplugs and aspirin.)

If you haven't seen Arena Football, it's played on a field placed over a hockey rink - and there are side boards, only without glass. The manager said in other cities, "We've had fans fall onto the field." Apparently not only will the tickets be low-priced - the beer will be as well.

BLOG UPDATE: Monday's Ledger-Enquirer quoted Muscogee County Sheriff Ralph Johnson as saying son Adam drove a family pickup last week without permission. So why would he drive it to a CVS pharmacy on a Sunday morning? To get his (ahem) drug prescription filled?

The newspaper had to submit a set of written questions to Sheriff Ralph Johnson, through his son's attorney. Why?! Next thing you know, we'll find out Adam Johnson was in David Glisson's squad car on that night in December 2003....

Someone actually brought up the latest Adam Johnson arrest Monday on WLTZ's "Rise and Shine." A caller claimed Johnson's earlier trouble was "covered up." That's strange - I seem to remember his DUI and marijuana guilty plea was on the evening news.

(Maybe the caller meant that collision with the little girl on Oates Avenue last October - but an outside check by state officials found Columbus Police handled that incident properly. And let's face it: former police chief Willie Dozier still hasn't published his memoirs, claiming otherwise.)

Meanwhile, the son of Georgia Lieutenant Governor Mark Taylor appeared in a South Carolina court Monday. The son is accused of drunk driving, which led to a deadly wreck. Based on the Ralph Johnson precedent, Taylor should become Georgia's new Governor in about 17 months.

Until now, the only question about Mark Taylor's son involved where he went to school. While the Lieutenant Governor boasted of his Albany roots, his campaign biography revealed his son was in a private school in Atlanta. Maybe the idea was to help the son appreciate busing....

COMING SOON: When a blogger meets a spammer....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.