2 AUG 05: A.S.A. POSSIBLE

A warm welcome to the thousands of softball players, coaches and parents in Columbus for the national 18-and-under fastpitch tournament. Hopefully you won't face the "fast pitch" becoming more popular here -- from panhandlers seeking money.

An estimated 5,000 teenage girls begin play at South Commons today, seeking the A.S.A. 18-and-under national fastpitch softball title. Countless teenage boys in Columbus are thankful for one thing - they don't have to go back to school until next Monday.

There's even a team from Hawaii in Columbus for the fastpitch tournament. The players might wind up disappointed - because I can't think of a single restaurant in town which sells poi and saimin.

Monday night featured a fastpitch welcome event at the Columbus Civic Center, after a day of coaches' meetings at the Trade Center. Perhaps they were reminded of the new South Commons ground rule -- that any home run intentionally aimed at Port Columbus may be considered a terroristic threat.

The Columbus Sports Council bid about $35,000 to obtain the A.S.A. 18-and-under fastpitch tournament. It expects the city to gain more than $10 million from the visitors -- and you can add an extra $100,000 if gas prices go up while they're in town.

A manager at Houlihan's Old Place downtown expects his business will go up 40 percent during the softball tournament. But of course, his restaurant is attached to a hotel. How many teams will make a special trip to the Library Café?

Janice Davis of the Columbus Sports Council admitted to WRBL Monday under nearby cities want a piece of the softball surplus. For instance, Forsyth County, Georgia had people at Monday night's welcome event. But up there, some residents would want to screen the players and keep the minorities out.

There's now a big softball complex in Troup County, and officials there have tried for a few years to steal the college "Leadoff Classic" away from Columbus. This proves they don't play slow-pitch softball - because you can't steal in slow-pitch.

(Considering the weather during the Leadoff Classic in late February, Troup County's officials forgot one important thing which could work in their favor - a rolling roof for the fields.)

The A.S.A. event marks the latest attempt by the Columbus Sports Council to make the city a softball hotbed. But be honest now - did YOU know this big tournament was coming to town until a few days ago? I saw banners downtown that said "welcome teams," and guessed they might be Amway salespeople.

Columbus dreamed big about softball after hosting the 1996 Olympic tournament. But the outcome at times has been small:

+ A couple of "Superball" international tournaments were held at South Commons. But these days, you're more likely to find an international crowd down the street at Ritmo Latino nightclub.

+ Columbus hosted the Southeastern Conference softball tournament a couple of times. But that vanished like the Vanderbilt softball program....

+ Remember the Georgia Pride pro softball team? The Columbus RedStixx drew more fans during summer - and that wasn't saying much.

But again, welcome to all the teenage fastpitch players. Don't forget to meet Columbus State softball coach Tiffany Tootle while you're in town - and when you leave, be sure to say, "Tootle-oo."

BLOG UPDATE: Today marks one week since my last phone call from Mr. Z -- the man who woke me up on a recent Saturday morning [24 Jul]. Perhaps he's finally figured out how to dial 311 for city problems....

You may recall Mr. Z promised to send me mail detailing in "chronological order" his recent history. It arrived, but including the cover letter it runs only three pages. I know some people who write year-end family letters longer than that.

Mr. Z's chronological order is very lacking in dates, but he writes a police officer once considered him a "crazy man" for speaking out against drug dealers. This may have been in the era before neighborhood "drug marches" - back when people didn't get mad, but moved out.

Mr. Z reveals he's been jailed twice for false accusations. In one case, his ex-wife apparently accused him of making terroristic threats against children. If someone had told me about D-FACS when I was young, my Dad never would have threatened to smack me with a belt.

Mr. Z claims his ex-wife tried to take control of his military retirement money around 1989, after she "tried [to] have [me] committed against my own will." It's no wonder he resisted that - since the military wanted to do that for decades.

Mr. Z's writing isn't perfect English, but he declares at one point: "Jealousy, envy, stupidity, bigotry and racism all upon which has no color boundary, is what ended my life." I think he means getting involved in politics - because otherwise, that Saturday morning phone call was stranger than I ever thought.

Now other items from a mild Monday - at least for August in Columbus, it was:

+ Muscogee County Schools held a back-to-school kickoff rally for teachers. Georgia School Superintendent Kathy Cox says it's good to start the year with "a winning attitude" - so the longer some high schools can put off their first football game, the better.

+ Troy University permanently removed the "State" from its name at all campuses. This could open the door for trouble - as wily seniors try to tell incoming freshmen the university was founded by 1960's actor Troy Donahue.

+ Papa John's Pizza restaurants executed "Operation Pizza Drop," sending 500 pizzas to Fort Benning soldiers in Iraq. Hopefully none of those pizzas have pepperoni on them - because hardline Muslims who oppose eating pork want any excuse for a new uprising.

+ WXTX "News at Ten" reported Georgia has become one of the top states in the country for real estate scams. One scam to avoid is called "property flipping." If someone offers to turn your kitchen table upside down, call police.

+ Columbus native Sam Mitchell opened a basketball camp at Columbus State University. WRBL noted Mitchell "just finished his first season coaching the Toronto Raptors." In today's N.B.A., you know what that means - next year will be his LAST season coaching the Raptors.

+ Instant Message to whomever is spreading wild rumors about Michael Soul of Foxie-105 FM: He was on vacation. I'm told his wife had a child. If people gave him cash to buy baby gifts, I don't think that's payola.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.05 a gallon at Spectrum near the Civic Center.... 100% whole wheat bread for 89 cents at Dolly Madison bakery stores.... FREE softballs if you stand outside the outfield fences at South Commons....

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