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22 DEC 03: TO MARKET, TO MARKET

Always looking for ways to promote my debut CD, I drove Sunday to the Lee County Flea Market. If Paris Hilton is reading this blog - no, I did NOT see any fleas on sale there.

(And no, I did NOT hear any corny twisted holiday song called, "Flea's Navidad.")

My theory was that a good crowd would be gathered at the Lee County Flea Market, for the final weekend of holiday shopping -- and if people are there, they HAVE to be desperate for something new like my album, right?

I arrived at the Flea Market a bit before 1:00 p.m., and indeed a big crowd was on hand. But I quickly found a parking place and opening my trunk to set up shop. I read John Gresham got started by selling books from HIS car trunk - and I must admit, many people think the things I sing about are just as fictional.

My strategy involved showing up after noon, to get business from the "after-church" crowd. But as time went on, I realized many of the merchants were there most of the morning - so it was more like a NO-church crowd.

To get a sheltered table at the Lee County Flea Market, you need a reservation. To get in the row of outside merchants near U.S. 280, you apparently show up early in the morning. To get people to stop at my parked car, I needed a giant attention-getting loudspeaker - because not that many people stopped.

Several people passed by my car, and a few stopped to ask about my album. But in about two hours, I made no sales - even though I played the album through four times on my in-car cassette. Maybe I should have done what another merchant did, and offer a table full of stuff for ten dollars.

Most of the interest in my album came from Hispanic people, with whom I exchanged Spanish conversations. I can't help wondering if they were surprised to find someone in Smiths Station actually speaking their language.

I knew it was about time to give up for the day when a booth near my car called "Confederate Boulevard" shut down. It sold Civil War-era flags and such -- and not even Howard Dean supporters were there, trying to win the merchants' votes.

Now let's check some other items from the first weekend of Hanukkah, and the last weekend of shopping madness:

+ A big smoke cloud covered downtown Columbus during mid-afternoon. Either Fort Benning had a controlled burn under way, or Muscogee County Sheriff's Deputies were eliminating evidence.

+ My pastor read something from an unnamed source at church, claiming the flu vaccine is made with formaldehyde, aluminum and mercury. In other words, he said, it has embalming fluid, an item which can give you Alzheimer's Disease and a poison! The next time I see him, I can't wait for him to read the ingredients of TheraFlu.

+ The "First Born Ministries" telecast on TV-16 showed a man declaring "you can't do anything right without the Holy Ghost." Then how do so many non-Christian drivers keep their cars on the right side of the road -- and make it to work on time?

+ Former Alabama football coach Mike Price finally found work, taking the head coaching job at Texas-El Paso. Those wild golf outings will be much easier to hide in Mexico....

BLOG YEAR-IN-REVIEW: Columbus began 2003 by swearing in a new Mayor. Bob Poydasheff already is in the Chamber of Commerce's doghouse -- for daring to say we could do without the SOA Watch protest.

The new Columbus Council which took office in January included former pro baseball player Glenn Davis. Sometimes we wish he would show some leadership, and buy the South Georgia Waves to keep them in town.

New Republican governors also took office in January, in both Georgia and Alabama. Both Sonny Perdue and Bob Riley already have upset G.O.P. supporters, by not shutting down their state governments for lack of money.

The weather was weird at times in Columbus during January. We had a 71 degree day - then about two weeks later we had a 13-degree low. Come to think of it, has anyone invented a pair of thermal Bermuda shorts?

The first big entertainment event of 2003 in Columbus was a Bill Gaither "Homecoming Concert" at the Civic Center. Some people left scratching their heads, because a Homecoming Queen never was crowned.

Regular blog readers also will recall I declared war on North Korea in January. Almost a year later, that government has not responded in any way, shape or form. So when do I get my "Parade of Heroes" downtown?

BLOGGER'S NOTE: Our review of 2003 will continue over the next several days....

COMING TUESDAY: My old college goes bowling for the first time in years.... so let's party!