27 MAY 05: ARE YOU YELLOW?

The Columbus Career Center hosted a job fair Thursday, looking especially for school bus drivers. The Muscogee County schools have dozens of openings - but it should tell you something when not even former police officers take these jobs.

This spring's debate over changing Muscogee County school hours stemmed in part from a lack of drivers for buses. But then again, The Waggoners trucking constantly is looking for quality drivers. Have these agencies considered looking for help at East Alabama Motor Speedway?

On a typical Muscogee County school day, about 25 buses sit unused because of a lack of drivers. Yet that special district task force suggested buying 20 MORE of them, to get everyone to school on time?! Which teachers would have to pull double duty?

The Muscogee County schools actually have about 60 openings for bus drivers. Let's see, that's 60 jobs into 25 empty buses - which means either a lot of drivers call in sick, or the extras need to be remedial math tutors.

So why don't people drive Muscogee County school buses? One often-mentioned reason is the pay: $8.70 per hour. Maybe we should treat them like those other drivers of yellow vehicles - and ask students to leave ten-percent tips as they get out.

Muscogee County school officials admit there's also a stress factor involved in driving buses filled with children every day. From the tapes I've seen on TV, some drivers are finding a good way to handle that problem. They let bullies beat up riders, instead of doing it themselves.

Besides that, anyone who wants to be a Muscogee County school bus driver has to pass a criminal background check. This is only logical - since school buses aren't normally needed between 9:00 a.m. and 12:00 noon, and those are the prime hours for robbing banks.

So what can we do to encourage people to become school bus drivers? I came up with some ideas....

+ Get Jimmy from the "YellaWood" commercials to drive a bus, instead of his western horse. You know he wants top priority for building playground equipment.

+ Borrow Wade Sheridan's logic, and organize a drive to put bus drivers on the school board. But then again, I think something like that happened in Talbot County schools - and they've had all sorts of complaints lately.

+ Adjust the bus security cameras, so drivers can audition for "Survivor" during their routes.

Meanwhile, the news was good Thursday about Muscogee County test scores. The percentages of third and fifth-graders passing the CRCT exam all went up this year. I hope there isn't a secret reason for this - like asking children to spell CRCT.

BLOG UPDATE: The word "rigged" came up on some Alabama radio stations Thursday, over the final vote on "American Idol." Several eople called one Birmingham talk show I heard and complained. But I wish the hosts had asked those Alabama callers if they thought things were rigged two years ago, in Ruben Studdard's favor.

One Bo Bice supporter reported dialing the phone number for champion Carrie Underwood and getting through - while he apparently could NOT for Bice. So does that mean the final vote was fixed? Or did all the Oklahoma voters take a break, to check outside for tornadoes?

One caller to a Birmingham radio station suggested Carrie Underwood won "Idol IV" only because she was female and looked cute. Based on that theory, Carl's Jr. restaurants will have absolutely no hamburgers left this weekend -- thanks to that Paris Hilton ad.

Bo Bice told Thursday's Birmingham Post-Herald he was NOT disappointed by finishing second, and he entered American Idol mainly to "get better gigs around town." After looking at Bice. I think the first "gig" he'd need to succeed in Columbus is an hour at a barber shop.

Now for other notes we took quickly, after returning home from our road trip:

+ Columbus first responders held a practice session, to test what they would do if the city had an anthrax outbreak. Among other things, the "Red Hat Ladies" would be warned the white dust on their hats is NOT a sign of dandruff.

+ Auburn's water department warned of a scam, where people call offering to come to your door to collect late bills. The university athletic boosters might operate this way, but not the water department.

+ A federal jury in Birmingham reported it was deadlocked in the fraud trial of HealthSouth founder Richard Scrushy. The debate in the jury room must be absolutely ex-Scrushy-ating....

+ A wanted fugitive from Florida climbed a 16-story-tall construction crane in Atlanta, armed with a knife. People walking through the Buckhead neighborhood saw this and said, "I didn't know bars were bringing back bungee jumping."

+ Instant message to the children operating a lemonade stand on Warm Springs Road: Be thankful the nice reporters from WRBL visited you Thursday. They could have sent out the Restaurant Report Card guy.

COMING THIS WEEKEND: A road trip wrap-up.... including the state trooper who (gulp!) pulled me over....

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