12 MAY 05: COOKED BOOKS

Wednesday's news revealed a 30-year Phenix City librarian has been sentenced to four years in prison. There's no word about whether she'll also serve hard-back labor....

Irma Duke admitted in Russell County court that she stole $70,000 in library funds over several years. The problem is that she timed this admission all wrong - and didn't wait for a library "no questions asked" amnesty week.

(It's so tempting to call her "Irma LA Duke" - but does anyone remember that steamy old movie anymore?)

Irma Duke apparently had a lot of power at the Phenix City-Russell County library. She was allowed to write pre-signed checks for the staff - so imagine what she could have done, if a child interrupted story time too often.

But a Phenix City audit last year revealed tens of thousands of dollars were missing from the library. Imagine if someone did an audit on the new Columbus Public Library. They SAID it cost 50 million dollars to build....

(I once found money inside a library book in Florida. It was only a one-dollar bill - but if the Columbus Catfish can give away secret diamonds, why not sneak thousand-dollar bills inside a novel?)

Russell County prosecutors say Irma Duke wrote TWO paychecks for herself - and used the extra check to buy everything from cell phones to a sewing machine for one of her children. Since the children never told authorities about what their mother did, that sewing machine apparently was NOT a "Singer."

Irma Duke was fired last June, after the Phenix City audit revealed library money was missing. Wednesday's Ledger-Enquirer revealed Duke also was fired in 1982, but brought back a short time later. The library board understands how the checkout system works.

Irma Duke has asked a Russell County judge for probation, and that will be considered in June. But imagine this 30-year librarian entering the Alabama women's prison system! Hopefully she'll check out some self-defense books before she's locked up....

(Why didn't Duke force a court trial on theft charges? If she was convicted, she'd know how to use the prison library better than anyone to plan appeals.)

There was a lot of other local stuff to read about Wednesday:

+ The Columbus NAACP announced the group's national chief operating officer will come to town this weekend, to give supporters a pep talk about the Kenneth Walker case. We'll see if any members bring picket signs - and find creative ways to cover up the word "Riverfest" on them.

+ The Columbus Convention and Visitors Bureau announced tourism visits to the area increased 34 percent last year. Did THAT many people come from out of town, for "God Bless Fort Benning?"

+ Callaway Gardens announced the completion of a $2 million renovation at the Day Butterfly Center. So much for that old movie which said "Butterflies Are Free...."

+ A task force for Muscogee County Schools recommended the district buy 20 new school buses, at a cost of $2 million. This could do more than resolve the long student waits and late arrivals. Park the buses outside Rigdon Road Elementary all day, and it might provide the feel of a new school.

+ Those tons of stolen cottonseed from an Americus store were found in nearby Crisp County. No one's been arrested in the case yet - but it someone comes up to you with a great deal on cotton swabs, call police immediately.

+ Habitat for Humanity filed suit against founder Millard Fuller, to keep him from calling his new ministry "Building Habitat." If the Americus organization wins its suit, all the PBS nature shows about creatures "in their natural habitat" may have to be redone.

+ A WRBL investigation found Georgia state officials are checking possible environmental violations at five Muscogee and Harris County housing developments. Two of them are apartments with "Greystone" in their name - but they're not supposed to make the Chattahoochee River gray in the process.

+ "The Newsman" turned author Dick McMichael came full circle, talking about his new book on his original radio station. He told WDAK he used to host a daily talk show, and spent mornings in libraries researching his topics. To which other talk show hosts would say, "Couldn't he afford a newspaper subscription?"

+ Smiths Station High School held a special assembly, as the girls' track team was presented a state championship trophy. The team's coach is J.D. Evilsizer - a name which sounds like he could have created that one-pound burger at Ruby Tuesday.

+ Glenwood High School won the AISA AAA baseball title, winning the final game 4-0 over Faith Academy. The winning pitcher was Chris Minney - and a two-hit shutout in a state title game seems rather "maxi."

+ Instant Message to all the Auburn University seniors grumbling about only being allocated six commencement tickets: Think football. Think the Sugar Bowl. It's called scalping....

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