The Blog of Columbus, Georgia : my funny motto

30 NOV 07: FIVE-CARD STUD

"It's time to trade in your briefcase for a suitcase," the outside of the envelope told me Thursday. These people obviously don't know how I pack for a vacation. You've got to have something to hold your important papers, hide your traveler's checks - and, once in a great while, even carry a map.

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT: Today is the final day of a month-long experiment we began here 1 November. A survey company asked me to collect all the credit card offers I received in the mail, and pass them along. So to explain our title - well, I received five offers. This single guy is simply dreaming with the "stud" part.

After a slow start, two more offers have landed in the mailbox this week. Let's start with the one which came Thursday. Capital One promises me a business card with bonus miles to "fly on any airline with no blackout dates." As you may know, using reward points on some airlines is a bit like playing blackout bingo....

But can Capital One really live up to this promise? Delta Air Lines is changing its rules this weekend, to make some flights completely off-limits for reward points. This proves President Bush is a lame-duck -- because he changed the rules for Thanksgiving to make travel easier.

Capital One's offer gives me a choice of six different credit card designs. The "Harvest" design shows a combine on a farm, which would appeal to a Midwesterner like me. The "World of Business" design shows a globe with dollar signs on it - for business owners who are really greedy.

Earlier in the week, I had a credit card offer "double play" - as two offers arrived on the same day. Bank of America tempted me on its envelope by asking: "Want your credit card balances at zero, while possibly saving money every month?" I thought the two went hand-in-hand - with a thing called interest.

But a closer look shows Bank of America really was NOT offering me a credit card. Instead, it proposed combining my credit card debts into "an unsecured loan of up to $30,000 at competitive non-variable rates." Writing one check a month instead of three sounds a bit more secure, actually....

Yet the fine print of this loan offer reveals the "non-variable rates" actually seem to vary. My initial annual percentage rate would range from nine to 22 percent - but: "if you fail to pay any minimum monthly payment by the Payment Due Date, we may increase your APR up to a Default APR of 27.99%." So if you violate the non-variable, you'll vary much wish you hadn't.

The second envelope had a more traditional credit card offer inside. It promises on the back: "CHASE FREEDOM." Oh please - Kansas lost to Missouri in college football last weekend because quarterback Chase Daniel had too much freedom.

This Chase "rewards card" dares to promise me "$100 cash back after your first purchase." One six-inch Subway sandwich would mean a payoff of more than 16 to one....

This deal sounds too good to be true -- and sure enough, there's a footnote on that sentence about $100 cash back from Chase. Yet on the back, the fine print assures me I would receive "$100 in bonus rebates, which can be redeemed for a $100 check." Forget the sandwich - do they accept credit cards at casinos?

But alas, the fine print also includes this sentence: "The bonus offer is valid only for first-time cardmembers with new accounts." I have two credit cards through Chase already, so I doubt I'd qualify for that 100-dollar special. Especially since my name actually was spelled correctly on the letter....

I should note the letter from a Chase Card Services Executive Vice President includes a box, telling me how to stop receiving "prescreened" credit card offers. The terms and conditions page explains I received this one because I met "certain criteria." That probably means I'm a living, breathing adult.

So assuming no more credit card mailings come Friday, our one-month experiment will conclude with five offers in 30 days. That computes to 61 in a year - enough to decorate all of them into a deck of playing cards, with a few jokers left over.

P.S. If you thought today's title referred to our Thursday "poker night," you might want to know I came in third at Lil Kim's Cove this week. I've had a top-five finish in four of my last six sessions -- so I'm almost ready to call my alma mater, and see if they want to start a Kansas Jayhawk poker team.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Our Thursday Instant Message apparently confused one reader -- but then again, it may not have been directed at that reader:

I don't see the "Babe of the Day" listed anywhere on the WDAK website, thought "Babe of the Day" is available through the "cc-common" (Clear Channel Common Folder) to any and all radio station websites:

http://www.newsradio540.com/cc-common/babes

http://www.z100.com/cc-common/babes

http://www.sunny100columbus.com/cc-common/babes

H**k, even WSHE has it on their website, because of cc-common:

http://www.am1270radio.com/cc-common/babes/

The "babe-a-rama" apparently is well hidden on those other station web sites. It would have to be hidden at AM-1270 WSHE - not because the station plays Southern gospel music, but because Jim Foster might faint at the sight of all those bikinis.

But go to the home page of WDAK Radio, and the "babe-o-link" is in plain sight. It's right below the link to Fox News coverage of "You Decide 2008." I think we know what most guys visiting the web site decided to click on first....

Another reader has an unusual request for us:

One of the debate teachers at the total magnet school tells the class that it is not in his job description to "care"....Can you check on that????

Thinking back to my high school debate teacher, he cared about my well-being at times. But during the main season, he cared more about winning records and tournaments -- which put him on a plane with the boys' basketball coach.

We're not sure which debate teacher this is -- but we went to the Muscogee County Schools' list of job openings Thursday night. There isn't really much there, in the way of job descriptions. But if "care" isn't in the qualifications section for day tutors, why should it be there for quick-thinking and fast-talking young debaters?

One more e-mail to the blog is being held, pending a phone call. So in the meantime, let's check the Thursday news headlines:

+ A grand opening ceremony was held for the "Ma Rainey Blues Museum" on Fifth Avenue. But wait a minute - didn't they have another grand opening ceremony for this museum 15 months ago? [1 Sep 06] Is it going to have an "opening day" every year? This is a museum, not a baseball team....

(WLTZ noted Ma Rainey only lived in the museum house for the last four years of her life. If the attendance there in the last year is any indication, we won't need to start a Rainey Tour of Homes.)

+ A boiler blew up at G&S Metals in Manchester, injuring seven people. The tremor from the explosion could be felt for miles - and a few people probably thought the new BRAC soldiers had arrived, to start training at Fort Benning.

+ A WRBL special report looked at the unsolved murder of Muscogee County Superintendent James Burns 15 years ago. Newcomers to Columbus simply can't believe the "Who Killed Mr. Burns?" plot line on "The Simpsons" was based on a true story....

(One long-time Columbus resident has told me police bungled the investigation of the James Burns killing in 1992. That person didn't tell me what detectives did wrong - but at least they haven't tried to link it to Carlton Gary.)

+ The annual "Night of Lights" ceremony was held at the Phenix City Amphitheater, ending with a fireworks show. As I heard the explosions several blocks from my home, I figured out a reason why they don't shoot them at "God Bless Fort Benning." It's spelled P-T-S-D.

+ The web site "Sports 360" station reported Tommy Tuberville will leave Auburn University, to become Arkansas's head football coach. Say WHAT?!?! If Tuberville moves to the Hogs, that might be enough to make half of Alabama finally switch to barbecued beef.

(Auburn's Athletic Director said no one from Arkansas has asked for permission to talk with Tuberville. Someone needs to tell this man that head coaches have agents these days, too.)

+ The Georgia High School Association announced new sports classifications for 2008-09. Spencer High School is dropping from AAA to AA - proving Carver and Shaw are scared to death by that 5-5 football season.

(But seriously: Spencer is dropping one division in high school sports based on its enrollment. The deployment of Fort Benning's Third Brigade to Iraq may have affected this - or maybe all the potential dropouts have been moved out of Baker Village.)

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: At least one strike in New York is over - as Broadway shows reopened Thursday night, thanks to a tentative contract agreement with stage hands. And at least the stage hands were carrying picket signs, so they stayed in practice....

+ Tabloid TV shows aired video of Julia Roberts forcing a member of the paparazzi to the side of a road. Roberts went to the driver's window, and gave him a lecture about being near a school. So?! Most schools only teach photography skills to the high school newspaper or yearbook staffs.

+ A British schoolteacher was ordered jailed in Sudan for 15 days, then deported. The teacher was found guilty of allowing second-grade children to name a stuffed bear after the prophet Muhammad. I'm never seen such protection of Teddy Roosevelt's good name in my life....

+ Scotland unveiled a new tourism slogan, after six months of research which cost $250,000. The new slogan is "Welcome to Scotland." [True/Interprep.com] Suddenly the Columbus Chamber of Commerce feels a lot better about "What progress has preserved."

+ The Atlantic hurricane season ends today, with only six tropical storms becoming named hurricanes. The final estimate from forecasters in Colorado was for nine - so if happen to run into these weather experts, make a wager with them on pro football games.

+ A Food and Drug Administration report warned 150,000 people die in the U.S. each year from eating too much salt. It recommends restaurants reduce the amount of sodium in their diets - but millions of people were pleased to see it stopped short of suggesting a ban on margaritas.

+ A branch of the World Health Organization announced it will add work on overnight shifts to the list of potential cancer-causing agents. This doesn't surprise me - because I've learned from experience an all-night shift produces drowsiness and blurred vision.

+ A Massachusetts man may be disqualified from winning one million dollars in the state lottery. The reason: he's on probation for bank robbery. How dare this man show up the lottery -- which steals money from low-income people on a regular basis.

+ A publicist revealed actress Jennifer Love Hewitt is engaged to actor Ross McCall. In related news, the number of males watching "Ghost Whisperer" tonight is projected to drop by 75 percent.

+ Jennie Garth told "Entertainment Tonight" fellow "Dancing with the Stars" contestant Helio Castroneves actually broke off his engagement months ago. The news only came out Wednesday, after he won - so his next reality show appearance probably will be on "Celebrity Poker Showdown."

+ The Family Television Award for best actor was given to "High School Musical" star Zac Efron. Co-star Vanessa Hudgens was locked in a close battle for the actress who most needs to keep her clothes on.

+ Dallas beat Green Bay in a big Thursday night football game, 34-27. Packer quarterback Brett Favre revealed after the game he had a separated shoulder - and it could be separated as far as Green Bay is from the Super Bowl in Phoenix.

+ Basketball's Boston Celtics embarrassed the New York Knicks 104-59. This game was SO embarrassing that Boston fans started their own chant about the Knicks coach, aimed toward the ownership - "Keep Isaiah."

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1905 (+ 70, 3.8%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 2:03 AM

Thursday, November 29, 2007

29 NOV 07: TWO CHAIRS FOR YOU

Today's title is borrowed from a greeting card a friend gave me years ago. Well, it goes deeper than that. It came from a woman I once dated, but didn't feel ready to marry. She was happy that I simply showed up at a church dinner-dance - and probably that I didn't cause a scene, by begging her to come back.

But the two chairs today are not for me. They're for Elonda Floyd - the Columbus woman who had a motorized wheelchair stolen from her driveway Monday morning. That wheelchair was found late Wednesday, hours after a local woman donated her another one. I've heard of a two-car garage, but a two-chair living room?!

You may recall Elonda Floyd was injured by a hit-and-run driver last January in St. Petersburg, Florida. She was chaperoning a group of Carver High School students at a parade. She wound up losing a leg, and developed infections at a hospital. So to see Floyd in her living room wearing an "I'm Blessed" T-shirt is more than a little shocking....

Elonda Floyd rolled her wheelchair down a specially-built ramp outside her home Monday morning, and left it in the driveway while she drove her children to school. While she was away, the chair disappeared -- taken by someone who may have misunderstood the commercials, and wanted some holiday chair.

Neighbors reported someone had been spying Elonda Floyd's chair for days, before it was taken. What did those joyriders at The Ralston start, several years ago?

Elonda Floyd called police about the theft, then called local newsrooms asking them to make an appeal for the wheelchair. "Anyone who knows my story would know I need that," she said. But that's the paradox. If Floyd put her story out in the front yard, the wheelchair might stay - but people would think she's on an ego trip.

One of the people who saw Elonda Floyd's story on television was a woman named Mrs. Lowrey. She says she became disabled herself, when she was mugged outside her home late last year. This is the strangest case of "misery loves company" I've seen in a long time....

But anyway: Mrs. Lowrey had a motorized wheelchair to spare, so she donated it to Elonda Floyd Wednesday. She even rode it into Floyd's living room, moving the recipient to tears. But TV cameras never showed whether Floyd kicked the wheelchair's tires, to make sure they were good.

Elonda Floyd not only gained a new wheelchair Wednesday - she gained a new friend in Mrs. Lowrey. They plan to keep in touch with each other. And who knows -- they might inspire the start of a "wheelchair patrol" to guard against crime. If they do, Uptown Columbus probably will be watching it closely....

Columbus Police found Elonda Floyd's stolen wheelchair at a pawn shop. Many people probably wish the thief would get his own chair - an electric one, at the state prison in Jackson.

Police officers plan to return Elonda Floyd's stolen wheelchair to her shortly. I assume detectives are processing it for evidence first. Fingerprint checks are standard in a case like this - but since it's a wheelchair, suspects might be brought in for a possible (ahem) derriere match. Please, Chief Boren, don't post those pictures on the police web site....

Now let's stand and deliver some other Wednesday news:

+ A member of the United Nations Committee Against Torture spoke at Fort Benning's Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation. This apparently means the fence at the Fort Benning Road entrance is down for another year.

(Dr. Claudio Grossman told WRBL his United Nations committee has never been asked to investigate whether WHINSEC is involved with torture. This apparently proves something else - the people who run SOA Watch are part-time amateurs, compared to Amnesty International.)

+ WLTZ reported traffic delays are occurring on J.R. Allen Parkway, because of construction on the new Gateway Drive Wal-Mart. That's the way to get customers ready to use the store's auto repair center....

+ WFXE-FM "Foxie 105" presented a "girl power" rally at East Columbus Magnet Academy - shortly before the evening news reported on a decline in the number of African-American men going to college. So they basically held a rally to tell young women what many of them already know?!

+ Two employees of an Athens, Alabama Hardee's restaurant were arrested, on charges of stealing $6,000 worth of meat. In Hardee's math, this translates to enough meat to make 1,500 "Six-Dollar Burgers."

+ Georgia Southwestern State surprised Columbus State in men's college basketball 82-81. C.S.U. thought it had made a game-winning shot at the buzzer, but the officials ruled it came too late. The first report of "referee blindness" came unusually early this season.

+ Instant Message to WDAK radio: Why didn't you tell me this before? You're probably the only "Newsradio" station in the country to post a "Babe of the Day" on your web site. I mean, Fox News Channel hasn't even gone that far -- and between Megan Kelly and Jane Skinner, it could.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: The Republican Presidential candidates had one of those "YouTube" debates Wednesday night. We don't know if the talking snowman submitted a question this time -- but since the debate was in Florida, CNN was more likely to get a question from a giant dancing tangerine.

(Thousands of people submitted video questions for the debate - including actor Kirk Douglas. He apparently has to take this route, because a "Debating with the Stars" night on the E channel could be lost to a long writers' strike.)

+ Before the debate, Republican candidate Mike Huckabee was endorsed by the son of the late Jerry Falwell. Huckabee told reporters about his rise in Iowa polls: "When people pray, things happen." It sounds like Rudolph Giuliani supporter Pat Robertson has been too busy to get on his knees.

+ Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf officially gave up command of the armed forces, in a full-scale ceremony. He called his military uniform his "second skin." So this whole state of emergency declaration was Pakistan's version of a "Skins Game"?!

+ O.J. Simpson pleaded NOT guilty in Las Vegas to all 12 counts against him. But he stopped short of the 1994 declaration that he was "100 percent not guilty" - so the prosecutors must have something here.

+ RJR announced it will stop all print ads for cigarettes next year. About all that's left for Joe Camel will be to make personal appearances at convenience stores and bars.

+ A legislative hearing was held on Massachusetts, on a proposal to ban spanking. Isn't it amazing how times have changed? This state once put witches on trial - and now they're talking about doing the same thing to Puritans.

+ New "Dancing with the Stars" champion Helio Castroneves confirmed his engagement is off, because his bride-to-be dumped him. I don't think it was because he was paired with a gorgeous dancer for months. It's because Castroneves is an IndyCar champion, who refuses to switch to NASCAR.

+ Motorcycle legend Evel Knievel announced he's settled a federal lawsuit against Kanye West. Knievel filed suit after West imitated him in a music video last year. He should be thankful West remembered him in the first place....

+ A LaCrosse, Wisconsin doctor delivered four sets of twins in a 24-hour period. If anyone deserves to appear in a "double meat" Dominos Pizza commercial, it's this man.

+ The agent for Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams announced he's out for the season with a torn chest muscle. His big comeback lasted a total of six plays - and to make matters worse, a chest injury means he can't inhale marijuana very deeply during his recovery.

+ New University of Mississippi football coach Houston Nutt addressed supporters, and brought loud applause when he said: "The way you spell fun is W-I-N." This will NOT help Mississippi's reputation for low test scores....

(I don't want to say the Mississippi football fans are slow - but Houston Nutt was presented a team jersey at a media event. He's going to coach, not play.)

E-MAIL UPDATE: Tuesday's "Blog of America" noted how the 1992 version of Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show" looked a lot like WLTZ's Miller Robson. That led to this....

Richard,

Your comment made me laugh. I may have his chin, but I'd rather have his money!!!!!

Take care.

Miller

I'd be satisfied these days with one of Leno's classic cars. It probably would have more horsepower than my aging Honda - not to mention a fully-working radio.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1835 (+ 42, 2.3%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:26 AM

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

28 NOV 07: PONDS TO PONDER

It's a bit early for our year-end "things I didn't know" list, but a good candidate came up Tuesday at Columbus Council. Columbus has three city ponds - numbered one, two and three. Why they haven't been named Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria, I'm really not sure....

The focus at a Columbus Council work session was on Pond #2, located behind the Oxbow Meadows Environmental Learning Center. The staff calls it "Beaver Pond," because a beaver family lives nearby. In fact, that's what all the fuss is about - Oxbow Meadows wants to leave it to beavers.

But Columbus city officials want to use Beaver Pond for something else - the disposal of inert natural waste, such as tree limbs. The city owns the pond, so it has every right to do that. But Columbus State University runs Oxbow Meadows, and officials there are opposed. We're now waiting for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals to speak for the beavers, and break this tie.

City Manager Isaiah Hugley told WRBL Beaver Pond is vital to city waste disposal. That's because Pond #1 will be full of natural waste in about seven years. I'm not sure where Pond #1 is - but between tree limbs and drought, are we sure it even exists anymore?

The City Manager says without the use of Beaver Pond for natural waste, the Columbus city landfill will reach capacity much sooner than planned. So try to avoid paying those landfill fees, while there's still time....

But the people who run Oxbow Meadows are against the city using Beaver Pond behind their center for a landfill. I don't quite understand why. Wouldn't all those tree limbs give the beavers endless hours of fun things to do?

Columbus State University scientists even say the presence of a natural-waste landfill would make it reluctant for them to keep operating Oxbow Meadows. Maybe if the city painted the front end loaders in camouflage colors....

The city of Columbus is offering to sell Beaver Pond to Columbus Stare University, but C.S.U. officials said Tuesday they can't afford that. That statement must have made people smile at Columbus South Inc. -- because property values in that part of town must be skyrocketing.

(Then again, maybe there's another reason why Beaver Pond is so expensive - Columbus water rates are about to jump.)

University officials hint a compromise could be worked out for Beaver Pond - with the city keeping control, but Oxbow Meadows leasing it long-term. That didn't impress Councilor Mimi Woodson, who said Columbus State University has taken plenty of land off city tax rolls already. At least C.S.U. could allow hot dog carts on the RiverArts campus.

I've lived in Columbus long enough that I can almost predict how this pond dispute will be resolved. Some anonymous donor will provide money for Oxbow Meadows to buy Beaver Pond. But the way this year has gone, the Education Park Coalition might go to court arguing the pond isn't green enough.

I've driven by Oxbow Meadows a couple of times, but admittedly have never stopped there for a visit. It's known as a refuge for exotic birds, snakes, fish - and even a well-hidden alligator. Maybe the answer is a merger with Wild Animal Safari, and a "giraffe loaner" program.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Uh-oh - the title of this message is, "The 'Yahoo from Texas":

Let's go into definitions for starters! My dictionary defines officious as:arrogant, and nincompoop as a blockhead! Mr. Perry is all bluster - remind yourself - That he "threatened" you at one time. What happened to all that bravado - when you walked through his door?

As for Yeehaw from Texas [25 Nov], I guess that his monicker is a derivitave of Yahoo which means clown. I don't have a bit of trouble reading or understanding your BLOG, maybe you ought to write with more of a Texas drawl!! If that "Dude" from Texas doesn't like what he reads on your BLOG maybe he can find one closer to home! I wonder why all of your correspondents use aliases? anything written without a signature is just so much Charmin! Anyway - you are reaching out - all the way to Texas!!

Be assured Sir Richard - you are widely read in "Hurt'sboro" it's just the same old story - folks just don't want to stand out in the open.

As to the beggers, the one you met in "Hurt'sboro caught my attention - it was ironic - that you were accosted by R----- B---y. He could have given you an earful!!

Finally. Don't let ol' Yeehaw discourage you; he probably thinks irony is something you get done at a Chinese laundry!

Constable R.J. Schweiger

This Constable has been taking on the status quo in Hurtsboro for a long time, but he's really asking for it now. He's daring to mess with Texas -- and he doesn't live anywhere near Oklahoma.

I had an e-mail account with Yahoo years before I started writing jokes. So if I guess this "clown" made a good online choice. Now if I had only been foolish enough to invest money in Yahoo stock....

Write with a Texas drawl?! Would most people understand that? It took me a few seconds years ago to figure out a bumper sticker I saw for one Texas city: "Foat Wuth, Ah Luv Yew." [True!]

If you don't appreciate our writers using aliases, keep something in mind - several East Alabama bloggers seem to do the same thing. They simply don't want to be offered guest appearances on TV, or their own weekly column in "Time" magazine.

(Hmmmm - come to think of it, west Texas has a city named Amarillo. Amarillo is a Spanish word for "yellow." And yellow can be a slang word for.... naaah, that's too big a coincidence....)

Now let's head back down Interstate 40 from Amarillo toward our part of the country, and check other news items from Tuesday:

+ Downtown Columbus business owners admitted military police from Fort Benning patrol Broadway late at night on weekends. If this news gets around, we might get a visit from the President - of Pakistan.

+ Demolition work began on the old Sears store along Macon Road. The city eventually plans to demolish the vacant Firestone store down the street - so that sign outside about being "temporarily closed" is about as believable as a mechanic's estimates for an engine overhaul.

+ WRBL reported someone stole gutters from Shearith Israel synagogue before Monday's rain, causing water damage to the building. That's what happens when Gutter Guard goes out of business....

+ Congressman Lynn Westmoreland toured Atlanta's airport, and said something needs to be done to reduce the long security lines. There's an easy answer to this, Congressman - but you forgot to tell the Jet Blue staff to begin daily flights from Columbus.

+ The Oprah Winfrey Show focused on her recent "Favorite Things"trip to Macon. At the Nu-Way hot dog shop, a deputy sheriff handed Winfrey a badge - so Harpo Productions can expect a phone call today from the Muscogee County Marshal, trying to get it back.

+ Auburn football coach Tommy Tuberville reportedly was offered a seven-year extension on his contract. He'll probably have to beat Alabama a seventh time again next November to get it extended to eight.

+ Meanwhile, Auburn University officials promised to discuss possible security changes at next season's home football games. This follows an Opelika police dog biting an Auburn player on the hand, during Saturday's Iron Bowl. Why do they even allow a reminder of "Dawgs" during the Alabama-Auburn game in the first place?

+ Instant Message to the Opelika City Schools: What's all this talk about "credit recovery" for lagging high school students? Maybe if you took their credit cards away, they'd quit shopping and start studying more.... or is that what you mean?

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: There may be a crack in the Writers' Guild strike, which has inspired the "virtual monologues" here. Carson Daly reportedly will tape new episodes of his "Later" talk show - which will be great news to the 50 or so people who stay up to watch.

+ Meanwhile, the Food Network has canceled "Emeril Live" featuring chef Emeril Lagasse. Asked how the executive's door sounded after the final meeting, Lagasse shouted, "SLAM!!!!"

+ Dr. Robert Cade died in Florida - the man who invented Gatorade. An autopsy is planned to determine once and for all: was it in him?

+ The main U.S. factory for Harley-Davidson motorcycles is shut down this week, due to slow sales. In related news, sales of leather jackets are projected to drop about two percent.

+ The Persian Gulf state of Abu Dhabi committed more than seven billion dollars, to become the second-biggest investor in CitiBank. If Muslims can't conquer New York City one way, they'll try another.

+ USA Today reported the Army is adjusting one million uniforms, because pants are ripping open in Iraq and Afghanistan. The military description of the difficulty is a "crotch durability problem." This never seems to bother Paris Hilton....

+ Barbara Streisand endorsed Hillary Rodham Clinton for President. Can't you see her now on Inauguration Day 2009 - standing next to Mr. and Mrs. Clinton, and singing about "misty water-colored memories of The Way We Were"?

+ Former first daughter Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg turned 50. She has to be a bit disappointed - because no one in Miami has tried to reenact the Bay of Pigs invasion in her family's honor.

+ Several crashes occurred on a Virginia highway, after a truck spilled chicken fat for 20 miles. Thankfully, a team of workers from Popeye's came along to clean up the mess....

+ A minister in the small town of Whitewood, South Dakota proposed changing the name of Hooker Street. The pastor says the street name offends some people. Does this preacher also avoid quoting from the gospel of John?

(But then, perhaps these residents were inspired to protest from another part of the Bible - the Old Testament book of Judges.)

+ The University of Mississippi hired Houston Nutt as head football coach, less than 24 hours after he resigned at Arkansas. He won't have to move very far - but he'll still have to pack some Nutt cases.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1793 (+ 75, 4.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:49 AM

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

27 NOV 07: SHOWERS OF BLESSING

The Monday night run on the downtown Riverwalk posed a couple of challenges for me - one expected, one unexpected. I expected puddles in some places, and didn't mind them at all. But I didn't plan for leaves to cover the course in spots - as those outdoor prison cleanup crews work bankers' hours.

The puddles and slick leaves resulted from Columbus's biggest day of rain in more than a year. The airport measured two-and-a-half inches of.... no, I refuse to borrow the TV cliche and call it "the wet stuff." Milk and beer can be wet as well, you know.

The big storm was quite a change after months of drought. Enough rain fell to fill some drainage channels - channels which only had water when people illegally turned on sprayers in their yards.

(In fact, it rained so much that I noticed something strange while running along the Chattahoochee River. The river actually seemed to be full of water, from side to side.)

While many people welcomed the rainy day, a few people in downtown Columbus did not. The manager of the 12^th Street Deli admitted he relies a lot on walk-in business. He could hire homeless people on rainy days to make delivery runs - but too many office security guards might respond by running background checks.

WRBL spotted pumps operating during the rainstorm at the Columbus State University RiverArts campus. The renovated buildings along Front Avenue had leaks during earlier storms - but you'd think the arts students could have molded some clay to plug in those holes.

The rain fell during morning rush hour, and may have played a factor in a four-car crash on the J.R. Allen Parkway at River Road. I'm told it led to a backup of traffic stretching well into Phenix City - and countless drivers' dreams of kicking up water in another person's windshield were left for another day.

While all the rain was needed and welcomed, Columbus still is about ten inches below normal in rainfall for the year. It's not too late to ask relatives in Texas to ship a sealed bucket of rainwater, as a holiday gift. Maybe you could swap them some leftover pecans....

And while Columbus received more than two inches of rain, Atlanta had less than one inch. But at least for one day, Columbus was able to provide the water for all those poor Florida mussels.

But back to my evening run: even a small rainstorm can leave puddles along the Riverwalk downtown from Tenth to 12^th Street. I've learned the best way to protect my running shoes is to take some strides behind park benches, in a mix of sand and mud. The footing actually is better - as long as no dog-walkers have been there before me.

And whether it rains or not, leaves on a running course can be a problem at this time of year. I prefer to have a little traction, instead of possible slickness - so I thank everyone in my neighborhood who rakes or blows the leaves off the sidewalk. The liability lawsuit you save could be your own.

E-MAIL UPDATE: We get all sorts of questions, but we don't guarantee answers....

What do you know about the Box Springs Junk Yard shooting ?

X BOC member shoots copper thief !

I passed on this question to someone who's a local news professional - and I was told Talbot County authorities knew nothing about a shooting in Box Springs either Saturday or Sunday. But maybe this shooting happened in mid-October, and the news is spreading only now.

A check on the web site of Talbot County's "Concerned Citizens for Responsible Government" also offered no information about a shooting in Box Springs. In fact, the "Community Forum" message board which used to be there apparently is gone. And when Geneva Day is being promoted six months after the fact, you almost wonder if the citizens' group is gone as well.

I assume "X BOC" refers to a former member of the Talbot County Board of Commissioners. Either that, or Box Springs has a video game club I never knew about before....

Now for some news we could confirm from Monday:

+ Ten months after losing a leg to a hit-and-run driver in Florida, Columbus resident Elonda Floyd said someone stole a motorized wheelchair from her driveway. C'mon folks - if you want to start a racing league against the residents at The Ralston, go buy your own chairs.

(The good news is that between two TV stations, Elonda Floyd now has FOUR offers of donated replacement wheelchairs. Now if someone will kindly donate chains for tying them to a fence....)

+ The national touring company of "Cats" opened two nights of performances at the RiverCenter. Smart local gamblers should have sensed a sign here -- and bet on the Carver High School Tigers, Auburn Tigers, Clemson Tigers and Missouri Tigers to win their football games last weekend.

+ Georgia Tech head football coach Chan Gailey was fired. Only a year ago, Gailey had the Yellowjackets within one game of the Bowl Championship Series. Of course, this year he came one game short again - the Georgia game.

(Georgia Tech probably will go to its sixth bowl game in a row, and it never had a losing record under Coach Chan Gailey. But WRBL noted he never had more than eight wins in a season - so I guess away from a casino, you CAN roll seven too often.)

+ Texas A&M hired Mike Sherman as its new head football coach. So what's the next rumor about Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville? Are we going to try to send him back to Mississippi?

+ Instant Message to Lux Day Spa on Summerville Road in Phenix City: Wow - am I ever surprised! You actually outlasted the liquor store, which used to be next door in the shopping center. But I'm also surprised your pampered customers didn't buy enough food to keep Blimpie in business.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Contract talks resumed Monday to end the Writers' Guild strike. The writers have good reason to end this quickly. Not because they're short on money - but because the Presidential campaign talk is becoming too interesting to avoid joking about.

NBC is getting so desperate that Monday night's "Tonight Show" was a rerun from 1992. It was quite a contrast to the 2007 edition - back when Jay Leno was light, and the band music was heavy.

(At least I think that was Jay Leno. He looked so much like WLTZ's Miller Robson that NBC-38 may be trying something new, to follow their late news.)

+ The Barack Obama Presidential campaign announced Oprah Winfrey will begin making campaign appearances next week - prompting countless Democrats to ask, "Why couldn't he be HER running mate?"

(Come to think of it, I don't recall Oprah naming Barack Obama one of her "favorite things" last week....)

+ Democratic opponent John Edwards was shown on the evening news, saying at a campaign stop: "H**l yes, I'm confrontational." That's funny - I thought he wanted U.S. soldiers brought home from Iraq.

+ Another Democratic candidate commented on John Edwards's new tone. Christopher Dodd said he's "surprised at how angry John has become...." Imagine if the Dodd campaign actually had a lot of supporters.

+ This year's Nobel prize winners visited the White House - and Peace Prize recipient Al Gore had a short private meeting with President Bush. Or as White House aides called it privately: "An Inconvenient Photo-Op."

+ Doctors diagnosed Vice President Cheney as having an irregular heartbeat. Perhaps we shouldn't be surprised - because it now matches his irregular appearances in public.

+ Senator Trent Lott of Mississippi announced he'll resign from Congress by the end of the year. Yeah, right. We'll believe that the day Senator Larry Craig helps load his moving van.

+ Former world chess champion Garry Kasparov was jailed in Russia, for publicly opposing Vladimir Putin's government. Other government opponents were arrested as well - so Kasparov is surrounded by plenty of checked mates.

+ An evangelist from the Philippines unveiled the world's largest flag. It's an Israeli national flag, more than 700 yards long and weighing more than five tons. This flag may be too big for even the entire staff of Fox News Channel to wave.

+ Several colleges changed football coaches, including the firing of Duke's Ted Roof. Duke was 1-11 this season - and things were SO BAD that this team couldn't even beat Notre Dame.

(Later in the day, Houston Nutt resigned as head coach at Arkansas. This should be an interesting listing in the classifieds - "Wanted: Replacement for a real Nutt job.")

+ Police confirmed the winner of the Miss Puerto Rico beauty pageant had an evening gown covered with pepper spray. So which contestant listed her talent as "Tasering?"

+ A British tabloid published a picture of Paul McCartney with Rosanna Arquette. If she is McCartney's new love, he faces a big problem - because Toto had a hit song about "Rosanna" more than ten years ago.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1718 (+ 42, 2.5%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:42 AM

Monday, November 26, 2007

26 NOV 07: SOUNDS OF THE STREETS

The Columbus summer crime wave seems to be long gone, but "Operation Safe Streets" goes on. The latest police statistics counted more than 900 arrests since late July. And then SOA Watch makes a big deal about 11 in one weekend....

Have you wanted to check on what Columbus police are doing - without arousing suspicion in the process? Someone on my job has shown me a web site which broadcasts local police and fire calls. Why, it's probably already bookmarked at law offices across the city.

The "ScanMuscogee" web site repeats the discussions on Columbus police and fire scanners, on your choice of five different players. It apparently is NOT live, but on a delay of about ten seconds. I would hope public safety employees don't need that delay to bleep out dirty words....

(The "Web Player" option worked best for me when I gave this web site a try. Windows Media Player 10 refused to play the police calls. Once again, those folks at Microsoft must be up to kind of conspiracy.)

ScanMuscogee is part of a network of police scanner web sites. There are more than 30 across Georgia, including one for Troup County. But there are none listed for Alabama - so which part of the area do you think has the most speed traps?

The ScanMuscogee web site even includes a page with police codes, so you can follow along with what's happening on the radio. These days, the most suspicious call might be a 9150 - for a car wash. [True!]

I tuned in ScanMuscogee for about 30 minutes Sunday night - but from what I could tell, the police action on the radios was NOT that thrilling and dramatic:

+ A driver was out of gas in front of a credit union. Looking for low prices on the north side of town is simply too risky....

+ An alarm went off at "La Nacional Two" on Veterans Parkway. The dispatchers still are not trained well enough in Spanish, to call this store "dos."

+ A license tag was checked at Cusseta Road and Old Cusseta Road. Please, Georgia Tech fans - you don't have to deface your vanity tags, in the wake of Saturday's football game.

+ Officers were asked to check "four black males hanging around a dumpster." I suppose they could be criminals, involved in some kind of identity theft. But if the dumpster was outside a restaurant, it could simply have been a search for a cheap dinner.

+ Women named Chante and Cheyenne wanted someone to call Texas, to report their "Dad was treating them badly." These women apparently have no access to their MySpace pages.

If that's not enough, ScanMuscogee even offers a "Feed Archive" for listening to recorded police audio. I suppose it's the closest we'll get in Columbus to watching high-speed car chases on live television....

Some people are real "scanner-heads," and will get a kick out of listening to this police radio web site on a regular basis. But I'm not really one of those people. I don't really need to know where squad cars and fire trucks are going around the clock - unless my home caught fire, and then I'd be too busy unplugging my computer to tune in anyway.

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT: In our one-month collection of credit card offers, a third mailing has reached our old-fashioned mailbox. This one came from Bank of America to the business which failed almost 15 months ago. Maybe next time, we should e-mail our news releases to the Wall Street Journal.

To make things even stranger, my last name was spelled correctly on the credit card offer - but the first name was not. It was sent to "Chard," without the first two letters. C'mon now - do I look like I live near Malibu?

The experiment ends Friday, so we'll give you a final score after that. Now let's wrap up scattered news from the holiday weekend:

+ Columbus Airport had its last flight of the day canceled, because of a backup in Atlanta. A 25-percent cut in air service sounds bad, even if you only have four trips a day.

+ The Bayonet reported the Chattahoochee River at Fort Benning is so low that pontoon boats can't be rented from Uchee Creek Marina. At least we know where the water is -- deep in the lawns of Benning residents.

+ The new Bowl Championship Series rankings put Georgia at #4. If the top two teams lose next weekend, the Bulldogs might wind up in the B.C.S. title game without even playing in the Southeastern Conference title game. So all Georgia fans hereby have my permission to root for Oklahoma, against Missouri.

+ Instant Message to Eco Latino: Well, that's a bit better. I mean, you actually had an article this year on the SOA Watch protest of alleged abuses in Latin America. Maybe next year you'll actually have a reporter there, instead of relying on the Associated Press.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Bono of "U-2" made a surprise appearance over the weekend in London, as a warm-up act at a concert. He was probably practicing doing the same thing in a couple of weeks -- as a surprise performer before Al Gore's Nobel Peace Prize speech.

+ This could be a very interesting day for President Bush. He's welcoming this year's Nobel prize recipients to the White House - including Peace Prize honoree Al Gore. It makes you wonder if the fireplaces will have extra logs burning.

+ Bush administration officials also begin talks in Annapolis, Maryland today, on bringing peace to the Middle East. Syria even agreed to send a delegation - perhaps only to spy on what the Israeli delegation is talking about.

+ Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf still has yet to resign as head of the army. Maybe he's somehow hoping the Bush administration will offer him a reenlistment bonus.

+ Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney claimed opponent Rudolph Giuliani left office as New York Mayor with a three-billion dollar city deficit. Imagine if Romney wins the election next November. The outgoing President will want to cover his ears on inauguration day.

+ Online reports indicated the wife of pro wrestling legend Hulk Hogan has filed for divorce. It couldn't have been easy, being Hogan's "main squeeze" - especially since he was used to squeezing opponents hard enough to crack their ribs.

+ The Sunday night N.F.L. game was surprisingly close, with New England edging Philadelphia 31-28. NBC Sports claimed so many times that this game would be a blowout, I actually turned off the TV set and wrote today's entry a lot faster.

(Philadelphia's Donovan McNabb was injured, so the Eagles' quarterback was A.J. Feeley. His only real claim to fame is being the boyfriend of U.S. women's soccer star/hottie Heather Mitts - who could make any man a little, uh, feel-ey.)

+ Hawaii (boo-hoo) is now the only undefeated team in major college football. It's easy to understand why. Athletes from Hawaii are known for playing with poi's.

(Some would argue the Hawaii football team has an unfair advantage - with the marching band members distracting opponents with their loud flowered shirts.)

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1676 (- 79, 4.5%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:03 AM

Sunday, November 25, 2007

25 NOV 07: JUST SAY NO MO

Uhhhhh -- how about Auburn?! They won the Iron Bowl again. Uhhhhh - didn't Georgia look good? They might play in January. Uhhhhh - can I take a couple of days off from blogging, because I have symptoms of depression?

Well, no. Most of you probably didn't watch the Kansas-Missouri game, so you're counting on this Kansas grad for a review. I can sum up Saturday night's showdown in several ways:

+ Kansas won the fourth quarter, when it counts most. Trouble is, they counted the first three quarters as well.

+ Kansas still has a better record than any team in the Southeastern Conference. And unlike Alabama and Auburn, the Jayhawks beat their non-conference pushovers.

+ Kansas still could make the Bowl Championship Series title game - if Missouri, West Virginia, Southern California and Hawaii all lose next weekend, while Ohio State is found to have a grade scandal.

+ Kansas still has an unbeaten team, ranked in the top ten - and that men's basketball squad hosts Arizona tonight.

OK, I'll confess it - Missouri beat Kansas 36-28. The Tigers led 28-7 at the start of the fourth quarter - and that's sadly when the Jayhawks defense made it through the Kansas City traffic jam and showed up to play.

It was not a good sign that when Missouri scored to take a 21-0 lead, I turned on the radio to check on Alabama-Auburn. But I went back to the TV to hear ABC's Brent Musberger declare: "They don't have much for that four million yet, do they?"

The Auburn radio announcers showed little respect for Alabama. I heard Stan White refer to the Tide quarterback a couple of times as "John Wilson" - as if he's not allowed to have a middle name, or Bic was the official pen supplier to Auburn sports instead of Parker.

Auburn outlasted Alabama 17-10, and now has won six Iron Bowls in a row. Countless East Alabama football fans will celebrate today, by downing a six-pack....

Not only did Alabama lose its sixth Iron Bowl in a row, it dropped to 6-6 on the year. That sort of "triple six" may verify what some sports talk show hosts said back in January - that Nick Saban is like a snake.

Earlier in the day, Georgia got by Georgia Tech 31-17. The Bulldogs now have beaten the Yellowjackets seven years in a row - so don't be surprised if coach Mark Richt starts doing commercials for Seven-Up.

Some people are speculating the loss to Georgia might cost Georgia Tech coach Chan Gailey his job. But didn't Gailey put Tech in the Atlantic Coast Conference title game last year? Somebody had to look strange in the record book, by losing to Wake Forest....

Larry Munson went "on the road" to Atlanta, to broadcast the Georgia-Georgia Tech game on radio. In the final minute, Loren Smith encouraged Munson to return for another season. If he doesn't, I have a suggestion. Bring on Skip Carey, who can sound almost as worried when big mistakes happen.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Perhaps it's no surprise that someone in Hurtsboro responded to our trip there for Thanksgiving:

Sir Richard::

A journey such as yours - to "Hurt'sboro", - takes a bit of planning! I sorry that you didn't contact me before you made such an effort; but I suppose you just relied on the words of Greeley - "Go west young man.' Go west!'

If you will allow me, I will fill in some of the blanks in your trip report. First of all, Highway #26 is being resurfaced in its entirety; from Rte.#431 to its junction with Rte. #51 in "Hurt'sboro. At one time all roads led to Rome! Now it seems, you can go by way of "Hurt'sboro!

You are an excellent photographer - and you captured the beauty of our architecture in detail. The City Hall once doubled as a fire station and ambulance barn. Now, the Magistrate sits behind the overhead door. That is - when he isn't doubling as City Clerk.

The Black & White police car is inoperable. It was dumped in its present location, months ago because a towing/storage bill went unpaid. Our city workers haven't got around to pushing it back out of the way - they just stumble around it!

When you were across the street at the Jet Center; you were within a few feet of the new "Park" I'm surprised that you didn't notice it - perhaps you can come back again when its finished, and the locals have had opportunity to "trash" it!

I'm glad you had the occasion to visit with "Rick" Perry. Most of the information he offered was skewed but true. It goes much deeper than that! Mr. Perry is frustrated because I wont speak to him. His message - through you - is just a childish attempt to communicate. Oh well. I will respond - through you - in my opinion; Mr. Perry is an officious nincompoop! With that said let's move on to other things.

The beggar you encountered is R----- B----. He is a carpenter and brick mason and has some satisfactory work for me. He WILL work, but stays whacked out on drugs most of the time. I f he isn't in "Hurt'sboro" he's in the Russell County Jail. The reason he wanted you to "look after him," was because he had been tossed out of The City Grill by the voiceless man on many occasions! He probably was given the "Heave-Ho" the moment you left!

Your comments about the murals were well taken - they and the library are the only vestige of culture that remain in "Hurt'tsboro" I hope you will make a return visit - but next time, engage a tour guide!

One more bit of sarcasm - the penny you found at City Hall was all the town could afford for your "two cent's worth!"

Constable R.J. Schweiger

There's a two-word reason why I didn't tell the Constable I was heading for Hurtsboro - no spin.

Will all roads really lead to Hurtsboro someday? If the local leaders have to fight with Tuskegee for an exit along Interstate 14, I think I know which city will win -- and Tuskegee already has an exit on I-85.

This message explains why Hurtsboro has different-looking police cars. For all I knew, one might have been used for training -- or maybe as a historic marker.

There was open "green space" behind the Jet Center - and if the beggar hadn't left me lacking for cash, I might have crossed Main Street again and examined it. But I didn't want to take a chance of getting stopped by police, and learning they also didn't accept credit cards.

It's nice to be like the Carter Center, and mediate a tense situation in Hurtsboro. But my computer SpellCheck shows "officious" can mean both "nosy" and "magisterial." Last time I checked, the Constable was the one who had an office somewhat like a magistrate....

So the beggar I met at the Hurtsboro Post Office has the same initials I do?! Maybe that explains how he found me -- or then again, maybe he was waiting for a truck driver to arrive with mail from Montgomery.

Our lengthy "Thanksgiving entree" may have inspired another e-mail, which we mentioned above:

Dear Richard,

Your posts would be easier to read and more enjoyable if you:

1. Made them shorter.

2. Stopped talking about Hurtsburo and the one reader you have there.

3. Let go of Blogger Beggars. Really not that interesting.

4. Re-read some of your jokes to make sure they're actually funny.

Okay, that sounds pretty critical but I think that your blog will be of better service to your readers (except the constable dude) if you took these suggestions into consideration. Please keep up the good work you do.

Howdy and Yeehaw from Texas!

Thursday's post admittedly turned out to be longer than usual. But I justified it by noting the Ledger-Enquirer probably had its fattest issue of the year on Thanksgiving - and my blog has none of those annoying ads.

The only reason Hurtsboro keeps coming up is because the Constable keeps bringing it up. And Robert Schweiger writing the blog is a bit like Bert Coker and Paul Olson appearing every Tuesday before Columbus Council. They consider it the only available outlet for venting.

The beggar we met in Hurtsboro actually was the first one to pass our way since early September. The neighbor who needed cigarette money after his roommate entered hospice care never has returned to his apartment, and I've been told secondhand that roommate died. Maybe he's looking for someone else in need - because he needs the disability check.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Author J.K. Rowling has been named the "Entertainer of the Year" by Entertainment Weekly magazine. How this could be denied to showboating football players like Chad Johnson is a mystery to me....

+ The producer of "Girls Gone Wild" videos claims he was abused by guards, while he was jailed in Oklahoma. The only way we'll believe this is when a DVD comes out called "Guards Go Wilder."

+ Paris Hilton visited Shanghai, on her Asian tour. But she didn't help her reputation, when she called it the perfect source for buying fine china....

+ Despite a slumping U.S. dollar, National Public Radio reports tourist visits to this country are down by 17 percent. It doesn't help that farmers are waiting at the airport, trying to hire tourists to pick their crops.

+ Remember "Bill Nye the Science Guy?" He's gone to court for a restraining order against his former wife, claiming she tried to poison his vegetable garden. This woman obviously has gone off the deep end - because science guys can spot poison.

+ The University of Nebraska fired head football coach Bill Callahan, after a 65-51 loss to Colorado. With a score like that, you'd think Callahan would have been shifted to head basketball coach....

SCHEDULED THIS WEEK: How to check on local police from the privacy of your home....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1755 (- 218, 11.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 1:14 AM

Friday, November 23, 2007

23 NOV 07: THIS TIME IT'S WAR

In case you're reading this at 4:00 a.m. before going to sales, the Indianapolis Colts raced back from behind Thursday night and beat the Atlanta Falcons 31-13. It was the first Thanksgiving home game for the Falcons in team history - and it looked for a while like the team recommended the Colts have dinner at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

But for area football fans, the more important games of the weekend will occur Saturday. Alabama plays at Auburn, in the "Iron Bowl." Georgia goes to Georgia Tech for the.... well, what nickname should go on this game? The Drought-Dirty-Car Bowl?

The center of Auburn University's campus will reopen for traffic this morning, in time for the Iron Bowl. It was closed Tuesday evening for a police sweep -- which prevented Alabama pranksters from stealing any "War Eagle" statues.

Both Alabama and Auburn enter the Iron Bowl on a low note. Auburn lost to Georgia two weeks ago. Alabama has lost three games in a row, the last loss coming to Louisiana-Monroe. No wonder Troy University has to travel to Georgia and Florida for non-conference competition....

Alabama head coach Nick Saban has raised some eyebrows, with his comments about last weekend's game. He compared the loss to Louisiana-Monroe with national setbacks such as Pearl Harbor Day and the September 11 attacks. It's surprising Saban didn't declare his comments the "Monroe Doctrine."

People such as WLTZ sportscaster Jeremy Moss think Nick Saban went over the verbal edge, by comparing the ULM-barassment to September 11, 2001. But then again, Moss is presenting the sports from Iowa - and diehard Alabama fans would tell you with the Auburn game approaching, Saban was probably right.

Auburn head coach Tommy Tuberville has tried to push away rumors about possible other jobs. Some claim Texas A&M wants him. Others claim Louisiana State might want him. And for some odd reason, nobody's mentioned working at Notre Dame yet.

This year's Iron Bowl is a week later than it's been in recent years. The Southeastern Conference now requires all teams to play a game, on the weekend before the conference championship. When you consider that Vanderbilt had to add a game against Wake Forest, the rule can seem a little silly.

The Iron Bowl is considered SO BIG that several wagers have been placed on the outcome of the game. In fact, I'm surprised Alabama Governor Bob Riley hasn't stepped in to warn everyone about the evils of gambling.

One of the Iron Bowl bets has the mayors of Auburn and Tuscaloosa betting plates of barbecued ribs. I'm sorry, but this makes no sense to me. The Auburn Mayor's name is Bill Ham, Junior - and he's wagering ribs?!

There's even an unusual bet in Columbus involving the Iron Bowl. Brad and Mike made it during last weekend's Rivertown Ford infomercial - as the loser will have his head shaved on television. So the dancing turkey soon will be paired with a bald eagle....

Before Alabama and Auburn take the field, Georgia will go against Georgia Tech. This year they meet at Bobby Dodd Stadium in Atlanta - also known as the stadium which seems to get renovated every five years to justify a building fund.

Georgia is seeking its seventh win in a row over Georgia Tech -- which I believe means the last Tech win came when George O'Leary was head coach. Has anyone checked his resume lately, to see if he claims the Yellowjackets won twice that season?

Even though Columbus is in Georgia, the Georgia-Georgia Tech game simply doesn't get as much attention here as the Alabama-Auburn game. Perhaps that's because the Auburn campus is so close. Perhaps it's because Georgia Tech games haven't been on local radio much in recent years. Or perhaps it's because the "Tech" most local graduates attend is Columbus Technical College.

While this two in-state battles dominate the headlines, I'm preparing for a different Saturday rivalry. I'll be focusing this weekend on the Kansas-Missouri game - joining perhaps about 12 other people in the Columbus area. But hey, we'll be a Big 12....

Regular blog readers know I went to college at Kansas - and this year has been an amazing dream season. The Jayhawks are 11-0 for the first time ever! For decades, they did well merely to play 11 games in a season - as in ten regular-season games plus a bowl.

Kansas wasn't even ranked when the college football season began. But higher and higher the Jayhawks have climbed - and if Alabama's John Parker Wilson had held onto the ball against Louisiana State, the polls might actually make sense and put an undefeated team at number-one.

The Kansas-Missouri game Saturday night actually will be the top game on the college schedule. That's because unbeaten Kansas is ranked second in the country. Missouri with its 10-1 record is ranked fourth. The winner could wind up in the Bowl Championship Series title game. The loser might have to wait 50 years for another opportunity like this.

Kansas-Missouri happens to be the oldest college football rivalry west of the Mississippi River. But this year's game is the biggest in the series in my lifetime. The days of Kansas, Kansas State and Missouri being called the "devil's triangle" of football seem to be far in the past.

There have been rumblings since my college days of moving the Kansas-Missouri clash off the college campuses, and playing it in Kansas City. This year it's finally happening - and look at what's happened as a result. These teams are so giddy, their coaches might actually accept calling the game an "outdoor cocktail party."

I've been telling people this is Kansas's biggest college football game in the last 40 years. That goes back to 1969, and a 15-14 Orange Bowl loss to national champion Penn State - a game the Jayhawks would have won, except for a penalty for having 12 players on the field. That game simply was a prophetic sign of the current Big 12 Conference.

My older brother was in college when that Orange Bowl game was played, and he flew from Kansas City to Miami to see it. That trip marked the first visit of my young life to an airport. It says something about Kansas football that my first actual airline flight came four years after graduating college -- for a job interview.

I discovered Thursday night that my older brother and his wife will be at Kansas City's Arrowhead Stadium for this big game as well. It's a Kansas "home game," included in their season ticket package. Hopefully they'll remember to put this blog's Internet address on the sign they'll hope for the ABC cameras.

It's likely to be cold Saturday night for the Kansas-Missouri game, but my brother plans to be there nonetheless. I advised him to save the (ahem) victory beverages until he gets home. But I'll be watching on my home TV, and probably blogging about here Sunday -- so if every other word seems to be misspelled, I hope you'll understand what happened.

OVERHEARD OVER HERE: Several Columbus supermarkets were open Thursday - and at one of them, a man needed help with Thanksgiving dinner.

"Turkey juice. Where do you have that?"

"Turkey juice?"

(Next part inaudible.)

"Gravy - I think in aisle two."

We don't make those "overheard" comments up - but we do make up some Instant Messages....

+ To Cheddars Restaurant on Veterans Parkway: OK, you were closed for Thanksgiving Day. But did you have to leave the waterfall running out front - violating Georgia water rules for perhaps the 50^th day in a row?

+ To the Burger King across from Peachtree Mall: You're not opening until 5:00 a.m.?! Isn't that a bit late? Shoppers will want to drink coffee before the big department stores open.

+ To Ruby Tuesday inside Peachtree Mall: It's one thing NOT to add a traditional turkey dinner to your Thanksgiving menu. But showing poker and college basketball on your TV screens, instead of the Green Bay-Detroit pro football game?! Are your managers from Mexico or something?

+ To R. Kelly: Yes, I'm messaging you again. Now Ne-Yo is saying you demanded all seven dressing rooms at the Civic Center last week, and made him and his dancers dress on a tour bus. First of all - does the Civic Center really have that many dressing rooms?

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.91 a gallon at Dolly Madison on Victory Drive.... milk for $3.89 a gallon at Walgreens.... and parking spaces near the department store doors being nearly impossible to find by 7:00 a.m....

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Our writers' strike-inspired Blog of America is off today, due to a dearth of interesting national news on the holiday.)

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1973 (+ 62, 3.2%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:36 AM

Thursday, November 22, 2007

22 NOV 07: A HURTSBORO THANKSGIVING

Over the river and through the woods? If my grandmother was still alive, that travel plan probably wouldn't work. She lived her last years in southeast Colorado -- so my family would have to drive over the entire state of Kansas, and through a lot of wheat fields.

But the traditional line about Thanksgiving travel works perfectly, if you went where I went on Thanksgiving Eve. I crossed the Chattahoochee River Wednesday, went through a wooded area west of Seale, and visited the Russell County town of Hurtsboro. You know -- the town some say progress has forgotten, with some residents that critics would rather forget.

We've come to know Hurtsboro quite well on this blog in 2007 - perhaps a little too well. It's largely due to a series of e-mails from the local Constable. His last one appeared here Sunday - and what we wrote then brought a follow-up message:

Sir Richard:

Now, now. I know you don't really believe that Bob Corwin has a special place in his heart for "Hurt'sboro." $15 G's will make for a very merry xmas. All he had to do was get one spoonful of dirt turned over - and the commission was his. And the obligation was "Hurt'sboro's."

You are just wastin' time talking to anyone at the Jet Center - they are all loyal or afraid of the "Mare." You might get some information at (334).... but I doubt it.

The Jet Center is a corporation; and as such, it is obligated by law to file a public disclosure. This hasn't been done for some time. A while ago, I joined the Jet Center for the express purpose of seeing their records. Of course it was denied - but I have a tape of a very distraught Sandra Tarver telling me "NO", and saying that she didn't have to comply because; "NOBODY'S OVER ME"! She must have been mistaken - she WAS fired by the board of directors a few days ago. They must have had the "muscle' to do so!!

Constable R.J. Schweiger

We aren't posting the entire phone number the Constable sent us - mainly because he was right. The woman we called there Wednesday night said she knew nothing about the Jet Adult Care Center at all. Either that was a false lead, or she might need the center's services.

But is Robert Schweiger right, about Hurtsboro having nothing good to write about? Your blog decided it was time to drive there and find out. And what better time than Thanksgiving - when people are likely to be in a good mind, and not throw me out of their homes and businesses for asking nosy questions?

The first positive sign actually occurred seven miles east of town. Alabama Highway 26 is being repaved, between Hatchechubbee and Hurtsboro. It soon should be nice and smooth for people who want to move to town - or for moving trucks carrying business owners toward Eufaula.

Yet this paving was panned by one man I met in Hurtsboro Wednesday. "They've been working on that for three months," he told me - adding work crews in Columbus can pave roads faster. Well, a bigger city DOES have a faster pace to it....

The city limits sign in Hurtsboro indicated the town has been a "Tree City U.S.A." for five years. And yes, I saw several trees growing there. The lumberyard down the road in Hatchechubbee hasn't chopped them all down in desperation yet.

The street signs in Hurtsboro are small and wooden, but it was easy to figure out where Main Street and downtown are. This gives the town one big advantage over Columbus, where.... well, check that. Main Street Village has wound up locating in the more hectic business part of town.

My first stop was the Hurtsboro City Hall - which is conveniently located next door to the police station. Two police cars were parked outside the headquarters. And thankfully, no one came out to accuse me of a national security violation for taking pictures of them.

The City Hall in Hurtsboro looks like it was converted from something else. I'm not sure exactly what - and I couldn't learn the answer, because it was closed for lunch while I was there. But based on that fact, I was also tempted to ask if it was renovated with union labor.

I found a penny on the asphalt, next to where I parked at the Hurtsboro City Hall. Remember, it's always good to pay your blogger if you like what he does for you....

What should I find right across Main Street but the Jet Adult Care Center! It was a quiet place, both inside and out. And there was no sign of any campaign for Mayor Sandra Tarver-Yoe to regain her job -- not even any yard signs.

Last Sunday we mentioned our phone call to the Jet Center, about the departure of Hurtsboro's Mayor from the staff. We were told only center board members could talk about what happened. We asked a woman in an office about that, and she told me the board members had decided NOT to say anything. Leaving things to the rumor mill works SO well in sports, you know....

"She didn't.... quit," another Hurtsboro resident said with caution when we asked him about Mayor Sandra Tarver-Yoe. He admittedly wasn't sure how much he could say for the record about the Jet Adult Care Center.

We decided to walk up Main Street, and see what was there. A little rain tried to fall as we did -- so Hurtsboro received moisture before Columbus did. Isn't that a good thing? Or should I have been disturbed, by a lack of fallout shelter signs?

Some of the business names in Hurtsboro were familiar, from Robert Schweiger's e-mails. The City Grill restaurant was open for lunch. Less than a block away, the "After 5 Club" had a sign claiming to be open for lunch - but it was locked shut. Perhaps the city council decided the business name cannot apply to 5:00 a.m.

The most daring moment came when I walked into Perry Hardware on Main Street. Pat Perry knew about our blog, and remembered a phone call I made to him about the Constable ten months ago [22 Jan]. "I blessed you out," Perry told me - so a statement that he'd "come after me" was a blessing?! Maybe he had a payoff, for buying my silence.

"I came to find out you were more objective," Pat Perry told me. "I thought you were a Schweigerite." To borrow a comment Larry King made Wednesday about his interview with that plastic surgeon: he didn't apologize - he explained.

Pat Perry doesn't recall Constable Robert Schweiger ever running for office in Hurtsboro. But he wanted to make sure I quoted him as saying: "We'd like him to run for the town limits."

Pat Perry's conflict with the Constable stems from a traffic collision some time back. "He hit ME, and then sued me for assault." If that seems outlandish, you haven't seen much football this fall - with defensive backs denying they commit pass interference.

Partially as a result of that, Pat Perry admits: "When Bob Schweiger and I see eye-to-eye on something, I have to step back and see if I'm looking at things the right way." He owns a hardware store, remember - not an optical shop.

Pat Perry's wife used to work part-time as the Hurtsboro City Clerk. He's glad she doesn't anymore - especially to get away from "that mayor." Perry doesn't think much of Sandra Tarver-Yoe, either. So he seems to stand in the middle, while the Mayor and Constable lob volleys back and forth over his head.

You can pay your Hurtsboro water bill at Perry Hardware, but Pat Perry's wife no longer works part-time with the Hurtsboro Water Board. He says it separated from the city when she quit that job last year. In a time of drought, I can't help wondering if the Water Board now is more powerful.

Before I left the hardware store, Pat Perry recommended the City Grill for lunch. "It's Wednesday, and on Wednesday and Saturday they have fried chicken," he smiled. "That kind of chicken the doctors say you shouldn't eat." The only medical clinic I spotted in town was for a veterinarian.

On down Main Street we walked, and found the old Farmers & Merchants Bank. It's now the Hurtsboro town library, open on Tuesdays and Thursdays - but a sign on the door notes Tuesdays are for boys and Thursdays are for girls. Columbus has rules against special "Ladies Nights" like this....

One nice thing Robert Schweiger never has mentioned about Hurtsboro is the outdoor art work. Several building walls have murals painted on them. And unlike Uptown Columbus, they don't have to be exchanged for new rentals every year.

A Hurtsboro resident told us months ago that this blog was posted on the bulletin board at the Hurtsboro Post Office. So we simply had to go there - but a blog printout couldn't be found. Then again, a wanted poster with Constable Schweiger's picture wasn't there either.

Hardly anyone was out and about in Hurtsboro, on Thanksgiving Eve. But a person we found at the Post Office was not exactly a local ambassador. Not when his first words are, "Can I have two dollars?"

BLOGGER BEGGAR #12 was, of all places, in the lobby of the Hurtsboro Post Office. I'm not sure which is better - for Mayberry to have a town drunk, or Hurtsboro to have a town beggar.

The beggar said he needed two dollars to get something to eat. So much for the "lucky penny" theory from down the street.

"I'm going to the City Grill. I'll buy you lunch there," I told the man - and we left the Post Office to walk back down Main Street.

"Will you look out for me?" the beggar asked. I wasn't sure what he meant by that - but then again, didn't Lumpkin have a problem with armed thugs awhile back?

The beggar apparently wanted reassurance that I'd go in with him to buy lunch. I told him I would. "I hope they take credit cards, because I don't have that much money on me." The man said City Grill did - and in a small town like Hurtsboro, they are only so many places for beggars to get free food.

The beggar told me he works as a carpenter and a brick mason - yet he was broke. "I get my check on the first of the month. I'm on disability." Yet he was able to walk with me down Main Street - and he must not be so mentally disabled that he can't handle saws and heavy bricks.

We entered the City Grill and found most of the tables occupied. Many of them were taken by men wearing hunting clothes. Don't any grocery stores in Hurtsboro sell Thanksgiving turkeys?

I sat down with the beggar at a table - only to be asked for help by a woman standing behind several trays of food. I'm old enough to remember when small towns actually had waitpersons taking orders.

I turned to see the line of food, then asked for confirmation: "Do you take credit cards?" No, they didn't. A sign at the cash register even made that clear. So yet another beggar didn't quite have his facts straight - which may explain why you don't see them entering journalism schools.

"All I have is five dollars," I told the beggar, "so I'll have to buy for you." We stood up and went to the line of food - but the full lunch cost six dollars. It was time for some haggling, even before Black Friday.

"Can I have another vegetable?" the beggar asked as a vegetable and what looked like a ground sirloin steak was put on a plate.

"If I give you that, it'll cost six dollars," a female server said. The man made no move to pull out any money - or even offer to trade the plastic bottle he carried with some kind of liquid inside.

The beggar tried again, asking to exchange tea for another vegetable. That was rejected as well - but he was permitted to have two cornbread rolls with his meat and single vegetable. Imagine if this man was trying to buy a car....

The beggar finally accepted the plate he was offered, and the server asked what I wanted. "All I have is five dollars," I said - noting I was buying for him, not for me. And I'd really blown it, because I never told the man about Pat Perry's favorite fried chicken.

The lunch tab wound up as exactly five dollars - with no added sales tax. Wait until Constable Schweiger reports the managers to the Hurtsboro City Council about that one.

"He does that every day," a man with a nearly inaudible voice told me from behind the cash register.

"He told me he's a carpenter and a brick mason."

"That's true," the man answered. "But he doesn't want to do any work."

With lunch paid for and Hurtsboro's economy helped by tourism, I decided not to create a further scene. "Have a happy Thanksgiving," I told the beggar at the table - and went on out the door. I'm not sure what the beggar or the restaurant managers thought of this. But thinking back on it, I really didn't "look out" for the beggar - as in making sure he didn't take the food back for a refund.

With no more money in the wallet and plenty of things to post here, I walked back to my car and drove home from Hurtsboro. The visit only lasted about 40 minutes. I never found the Mayor or the Constable. But I found several people who told me they're thankful to be with their families this Thanksgiving - and perhaps a few praying for the small town to be a few residents smaller.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Also in our Thanksgiving grocery bag, we find a follow-up to the Richard Davis murder case....

Thought you might want an update:

I've been trying to find out information about the book Murder In Baker Company by Cilla McCain. It is advertised at Richard Davises website. I did find her email address and she actually wrote me back! I thought the book was coming out in December but she said that wasn't correct and she can only guess that it will be out sometime next year along with a documentary she's working on with Paul Haggis called "Already Dead. the murder of Richard Davis and the death of truth." I also asked her if she ever came to Columbus and if she was going to do a book signing in Columbus when the time comes. She said she was just here last week and she does hope to do a book signing.

Please post information about this book when it's published. A lot of us soldiers want to read it.

Thanks

Shane

Thanks for alerting me to this book, because I was not aware of how it was progressing. How interesting that a killing involving soldiers in "Baker Company" didn't happen anywhere near Baker Village.

Paul Haggis already directed a fictionalized movie, based on the Richard Davis killing. National Public Radio reported Wednesday "In the Valley of Elah" has made only about six million dollars at the box office - which translates roughly into one million tickets sold. Maybe if Haggis had replaced Tommy Lee Jones with a talking green monster....

And it simply wouldn't be Thanksgiving Day without some football:

I attended several city sponsored youth league football games this year..I was dismayed at the quality of the officiating..The bad calls did not favor just one team on the field ,but both teams. LIttle kids usually don't know the difference of bad calls,but the idea of group activities is to teach fair play..Example: ...A kid is running with the ball and is clearly tackled by only one and that around the knees and the official calls face mask..The ball is then moved down the field..The coach calls a time out to talk to the official and he calls an infraction of the rules on the coach. Later parents from both sides are at a loss for words to describe the lack of knowledge of the rules by the officials. I have not been to a high school sporting event in several years. I wonder if the officiating is as bad there..

I haven't seen any local games in person - but maybe this will comfort you. These officials will advance in years to come, and the booth reviews will make college football games expand from four hours long to five.

We thank all of you for writing -- and on this holiday, we give special thanks to everyone who thinks enough of this blog to check it on a regular basis. We'd like to think we have dozens of loyal fans. It's either that, or plenty of lawyers are still looking for grounds to take us to court....

Now for some news headlines from Thanksgiving Eve:

+ The Courier published all the names of Muscogee County School District plant employees enrolled in the state Teacher Retirement System. There were 18 workers enrolled there as of 1998, while 27 workers reportedly were NOT offered membership. So now the "haves" know which "have-nots" to take out to lunch next week.

+ The RiverCenter announced Jerry Seinfeld will appear March 7. Ticket prices start at $46.50 - so this show clearly is NOT about nothing.

+ Fort Benning opened its new Post Exchange. It will be closed for Thanksgiving Day, then open for a weekend-long sale at 12:01 a.m. Friday -- making the 4:00 a.m. workers at Kohl's look like lazy slackers.

(The new PX is billed as the third-largest in the Army. Only the third?! It looks like Fort Benning didn't gain as much from base realignment as we thought....)

+ WLTZ reported the Cannon Brew Pub expected a big pre-Thanksgiving crowd, with people taking holiday guests downtown. I assume everyone prepared for dinner, by drinking only light beer.

+ The Valley Rescue Mission reported it has all the donated food it needs for Thanksgiving, while the House of Mercy reported it still needs 15 turkeys and 15 hams. So does the Valley Rescue staff secretly do high-fives inside offices, and count themselves as the winners?

+ Instant Message to Lily Gordon of the Ledger-Enquirer and WLTZ: You win the prize for the best local tongue twister of the year. I was impressed by your story on the Columbus Ballet preparing for "The Nutcracker" - and how easily you said: "Sue Simoncini sews."

(It turns out Sue Simoncini was sewing 20 tu-tus for the ballet dancers. Hopefully no one mixed this up - and they have to deal this weekend with two 20-20's.)

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Happy Thanksgiving to everyone - especially to the Writers' Guild members who remain on strike, for whom we're filling in. It's probably better that all the prayers of blessing over dinner be ad-libbed, anyway....

+ A recent report from a weight loss company estimated the typical Thanksgiving dinner contains 7,100 calories. It's enough to make some of us feel guilty, and go eat lunch on Friday at McDonald's.

+ National talk show host Michael Baesden declared on the air: "If I hear of one more black person in America eating thousand island dressing, I'm gonna scream." [True/WKZJ-FM] Perhaps he knows something his African-American audience doesn't - that the "thousand islands" where this dressing was created are NOT in the Caribbean.

+ The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 211 points in pre-holiday trading. So you'll understand if some investors developed Thanksgiving indigestion unusually early....

+ The early presidential schedule seemed to finally be settled. Iowa will have its caucuses January 3. New Hampshire will have its primary January 8. And the sniping between the two likely nominees is projected to begin January 31.

+ An ABC News/Washington Post poll showed Republican Mike Huckabee has surged in Iowa since July, and is practically tied for the lead with Mitt Romney. Perhaps it's because Huckabee reminds many Republicans of Fred Thompson - only Huckabee doesn't seem to be acting.

+ Pakistan's government released 5,000 detained lawyers and activists. Their combined class-action lawsuit against President Pervez Musharraf should be ready for filing by Sunday.

+ Authorities in Aruba announced three suspects have been arrested in the Natalee Holloway case. There's reportedly new evidence that the three young men were involved in manslaughter. So who sent an e-mail tip to Greta Van Susteren and Nancy Grace now?

+ ABC News reported about 1,000 Iraqi natives are returning to their homeland every day. The Minuteman Project plans to send a thank-you note to the Baghdad government - for giving it a target number to match.

+ Men's Health magazine declared Denver is the most "Dangerously Drunk City" in the U.S. Things are SO BAD in Denver that residents actually think the Colorado Rockies played in the World Series.

+ A new movie called "August Rush" premiered in theatres - one day before a "sneak preview" season premiere of the TV drama "October Road." This must be Hollywood's strange way of atoning for Christmas movies coming out before Halloween.

+ Miley Cyrus of "Hannah Montana" fame told Oprah Winfrey she's allowed to go on dates, but her father Billy Ray watches her very closely. If any guys say the phrase "rehab clinic," forget it....

+ A Port St. Lucie, Florida sold a pancake on eBay - for 29 dollars. It supposedly has an image of Jesus and His mother Mary on it. [True/Interprep.com] So who plans to add a few drops of maple syrup, to make them cry?

BUT SERIOUSLY: We're sad to break this local news story, but we're told a Beulah High School football player is fighting for his life in a Birmingham hospital. Steven Lynn was wounded in a hunting mishap last Saturday. Our prayers are with Lynn and his family - and may a full recovery truly give everyone reason to be thankful.

COMING FRIDAY: The weekend's three important showdowns.... and you know which one matters most, don't you?....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1911 (+ 52, 2.8%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:57 AM

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

21 NOV 07: A HATCHET JOB

It's the eve of Thanksgiving - and countless cartoons are likely to show a turkey fleeing for its life from a hatchet-holding pilgrim. Let's all be thankful the pilgrims moved beyond nooses long ago....

But a hatchet made the local news Tuesday, in a strange way. A man appeared in Recorder's Court on charges of using a hatchet and a ladder to get inside a Columbus bank branch. The only place where this approach might make sense is SunTrust on 13^th Street -- but breaking the message sign at the top of the building would give yourself away.

Anthony Jones is accused of breaking into the roof of the CB&T branch on Second Avenue Monday morning. I suppose this beats walking into the lobby. And maybe he believed those stories about bank executives having penthouse offices and golden parachutes.

But Columbus Police say Anthony Jones made a big mistake. He reportedly made so much noise breaking into the branch roof that the bank staff walked outside to avoid him. Police did NOT reveal if Jones tried something similar to this years ago, to elope with a girlfriend.

Police say once Anthony Jones went through the ceiling of the CB&T branch and found nobody there, he walked outside and was arrested. There's an obvious lesson here - if you start at the top, there's nowhere to go but down.

Breaking into a bank through the roof only earned this suspected bank robber a set of handcuffs. He didn't even have a chance to go to a teller, and ask for the undisclosed amount of cash that police like to talk about.

But it could have been worse for the robbery suspect. I've heard plenty of stories about people trying to break into restaurants through the roof, only to get stuck in chimneys. When it's a barbecue restaurant, it gives a whole new meaning to "pulled pork."

Police say Anthony Jones is 49 years old. So should he found guilty and go to prison for attempted bank robbery, will he be able to put this week's experience to good use? Or will he be too old to apply for work as a firefighter?

The name of this suspect admittedly rang a sad bell for me. I went to church with a younger Anthony Jones years ago, and he borrowed hundreds of dollars from me to buy a car. Even though we signed a mutual agreement, to this day he's never repaid the loan. Yet he somehow found the money to get married....

Before we borrow a ladder and jump off a roof, let's check other Tuesday news....

+ About one year before its grand opening, the National Infantry Museum provided a special tour for Columbus Police. Chief Ricky Boren told WRBL the project shows why Columbus should approve a one-cent sales tax for public safety next year. For one thing, the retired soldiers honored there will be too old to take police jobs.

+ The Phenix City Council voted to require written records of all metal recycling transactions, beginning in January. As the late Johnnie Cochran might put it: the wrong kind of bling could mean no cha-ching.

+ The Opelika Chamber of Commerce announced plans for a two-mile development project along Interstate 85, to employ thousands of people. "Celebrate Alabama" will include monuments to famous Alabamians, as well as an indoor water park - so don't be surprised if one diving board is reserved for a bronze statue of Rowdy Gaines.

(Something doesn't seem quite right about this project. Why would you announce something called "Celebrate Alabama" so close to Auburn, during Iron Bowl week?)

+ The Oprah Winfrey Show presented its annual "favorite things" special - which was taped in Macon last week. From the way the women screamed, thousands of middle Georgia homes must be more desperate for hand mixers than I imagined.

(No, I'm not kidding. When Oprah Winfrey unveiled Kitchen-Aid hand mixers as a "favorite thing," the audience in Macon screamed with delight. If I gave one of those to my wife or girlfriend, I'd do well to get more than a handshake.)

+ Georgia endured over Elon in men's college basketball 76-65. Billy Humphrey was restored to the Georgia roster, one day after Mike Mercer was kicked off the team. It's almost like Coach Dennis Felton is trying out to manage a fantasy league team.

+ Troy trampled Middle Tennessee 45-7, in an unusual Tuesday night college football game. The Trojans now go home for Thanksgiving - and the linemen may come back as wide as the middle of Tennessee.

+ Instant Message to R. Kelly: OK, today marks one week since your tour began in Columbus. In that time, Keyshia Cole reportedly threw a fit, your publicist quit - and now I read online that you kicked Ne-Yo off the tour?! Which cable channel will show this reality series?!

(And by the way - after seeing Ne-Yo on TMZ with Hayden Panettiere, he definitely traded up.)

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Today is "World Hello Day." Are striking members of the Writers' Guild allowed to write even that word?

+ President Bush and his wife told ABC News they have no clue about who will win next November's election. For one thing, the CIA intelligence report from New Hampshire hasn't reached the Oval Office yet.

+ Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama admitted to a group of students he did drugs and drank when he was a teenager. Among Democrats, this is no big deal. Among Republicans, Obama would be quitting the race today.

+ Republican Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee gained an unusual endorsement - from former pro wrestling champion "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. Why would Flair choose Huckabee? Is he "custom fit from head to toe?" Or is it because Huckabee is a minister, so he knows something about "walking that aisle?"

+ Rep. John Murtha of Pennsylvania expressed skepticism about providing more money for the fighting in Iraq. He actually asked reporters in Washington if they believe the Pentagon. Well, you're more likely to hear exaggerated war stories at a Veterans Affairs home....

+ Cable talk show host Bill O'Reilly returned from a hush-hush weekend trip to Afghanistan. People in Washington weren't really stunned by the trip - but they were stunned by the fact that O'Reilly was able to keep quiet about it for all of three days.

+ The U.S. Supreme Court agreed to consider a challenge to the Washington, D.C. handgun rules. The capital city bars citizens from owning guns - which of course is designed to protect lame ducks like President Bush.

+ The price of oil hit another record high, closing on futures markets at $98.03 a barrel. This is getting so out of hand that gas customers may demand oil companies learn a lesson from ice cream companies - and switch to smaller-sized barrels.

+ Arizona religious sect leader Warren Jeffs was sentenced to two consecutive terms of five years to life. If he stays for the maximum sentence on the first count, has he already faced the day of judgment after the resurrection?

+ A judge in Kentucky ruled a husband is allowed to see e-mails his wife sent at work. Bobbie Malmer works in a state job, and her husband suspects she had an affair with another state employee. This is one case where "IM" might not mean Instant Message - but Interim Man.

+ Neil Diamond revealed he wrote the classic song "Sweet Caroline" in honor of Caroline Kennedy. So where did he get the inspiration for "Cracklin' Rosie" - from Rosie O'Donnell?

+ NBC revealed the cast of the upcoming "Celebrity Apprentice" will include Gene Simmons from the rock band Kiss. Well, that would be a first - someone sticking his tongue out at Donald Trump in the board room.

+ As we mentioned earlier, Oprah Winfrey presented her annual "Favorite Things" show. Other talk show hosts tried to compete as best they could - with Steve Wilkos presenting his "Five Favorite Screaming Rants," and Maury Povich offering his "Favorite Dances by Disproved DNA Daddies."

+ An international conference on toilets opened in South Korea. We'd say we were flush with excitement about this - but most of the delegates probably have used that line already.

E-MAIL UPDATE: For the first time since we started writing online monologues in place of the striking writers, we have a comment about one of our items....

Have you noticed how much Queen Elizabeth looks like the pictures of George Washington? Poor Charles,at this rate he will be ancient before he becomes king.

No, I hadn't noticed the similarity -- but President Washington seemed to have a lot more hair.

SCHEDULED THURSDAY: We'll spend the holiday playing e-mail catch-up....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1859 (+ 45, 2.5%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:10 AM

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

20 NOV 07: H-2-OWE

Perhaps we should have seen this coming. In the middle of a severe drought, here comes a request to increase the price of water in Columbus. This strategy works so well for OPEC -- so why not the water works?

Columbus Council will hear a proposal from Columbus Water Works today for higher rates. You can see the PowerPoint version of the proposal right now, on the council agenda section of the city web site. Thankfully, it has no running water sound effects to make it sound like they're violating the drought restrictions.

Columbus Water Works argues it lost one million dollars in revenue this year, because Swift Manufacturing closed. And it's had to remove more than 15 million dollars from reserves in the last ten years. It's almost like a satellite version of the "Uptown Tap...."

Columbus Water Works notes its typical monthly rate is about one-third that of Atlanta. OK, but consider the differences. Atlanta's reached the point where it might have to send empty railroad cars to Texas, and have them wait for rainstorms to fill them.

Columbus Water Works adds its operating expenses have gone up almost 11 million dollars in the last ten years, even though its staff has been cut by 12 percent. It makes you wonder how many personal fountains President Billy Turner had to shut off.

The Columbus Water Works is submitting a five-year plan, with rates going up about four percent every year. That computes to your water bill being about 21 percent higher five years from now. But you could do what Governor Sonny Perdue recommends - and take 21 percent shorter showers, ignoring anything below the kneecap.

(Which reminds me: why doesn't Governor Perdue recommend what I did several years ago when my Atlanta suburb lost water service for a couple of days? They're called Wet Ones wipes....)

Without a rate increase, Columbus Water Warns it will have a deficit of more than 17 million dollars in the next five years. But the chart used to make this claim shows revenues relatively flat. Shouldn't all the new soldiers from base realignment change that? It's not like they're coming from the Arizona desert, and going without water now.

I didn't realize before reviewing this presentation that your minimum Columbus water bill depends on the size of your water meter. A five-eighth inch meter has a minimum charge one-tenth of that for a six-inch meter. Keep this in mind, when some fast-talking salesperson tries to make you buy a high-definition TV big enough to fill your wall.

The Columbus Water Works presentation adds it already has an "affordability program" in place, for people who have trouble paying water and sewer bills. But it wouldn't quite be nice, to call this proposed rate increase a recruitment campaign.

The latest insert with Columbus Water Works bills also attempts to sell customers on a rate increase. But it takes a different approach -- explaining much of the city's water infrastructure will need upgrades in the decades to come. Mixing a little Rustoleum into the water simply wouldn't work, I guess....

"We have arrived at a turning point," the water bill insert warns. And Columbus Water Works realizes you probably can't afford to turn your spigots off.

Yet how much of an upgrade do our water lines really need? The Columbus Water Works insert shows a picture of a water pipe laid downtown under Tenth Street in 1882. After more than 100 years, it was still "structurally sound" - proving those rock bands on Broadway aren't nearly as loud as people think.

Now let's collect other drips and drabs of news from Monday....

+ Wal-Mart donated more than 150 turkeys to Fort Benning, to give to families of soldiers deployed overseas. At first glance, it looks like a continuation of God Bless Fort Benning. But come tax time, Wal-Mart might be more likely to say, "God Bless Schedule A" - as in the charitable donations line.

+ The Columbus NAACP accused the Muscogee County School District of racism in its retirement plan. Some white plant employees reportedly can be part of the teachers' retirement plan, while African-American employees with similar experience cannot. While they're at it, are the school cafeterias serving Thanksgiving turkeys with white or dark meat?

+ Alabama Democrats complained about a new set of billboards, congratulating school districts and students on their test scores. Half the billboards show Governor Bob Riley's picture. Aw c'mon - that's not politics. That's called preparing future students for an Alabama History exam.

+ WLTZ News showed an EMS accreditation class at St. Francis Hospital. Unless my eyes deceived me, one of the EMS attendants looked like was WRBL part-time sportscaster Jack Rodgers. Not that anyone in Iowa would notice that, or that anyone at the Ledger-Enquirer would bother watching that station anymore.

+ WLTZ also provided a sneak preview of the new PX at Fort Benning, which opens Wednesday. Among other things, it has a Starbucks Coffee shop - making it the only one south of Manchester Expressway. One of these days, someone in Columbus South will counter this with a 24-hour store selling nothing but Red Bull.

+ Michael Vick surrendered to authorities in Virginia, and will remain behind bars until his sentencing on dogfighting charges. Vick apparently can't stand to watch Atlanta Falcons games on TV anymore, either....

+ Auburn danced past Charleston Southern in men's college basketball 89-59. At one point late in the first half, Auburn was shooting 70 percent from the field -- so hot that members of the science faculty were ready to blame global warming.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Contract talks have been scheduled for next Monday in the Writers' Guild strike. The writers apparently are NOT so broke that they'll go without Thanksgiving dinner....

+ So I'm online Monday, and I read this Yahoo news headline: "Food makers pressured to cut sodium." I took that idea with a grain of salt.

+ It was a sad day for television viewers, as actor Dick Wilson died at 91. He played "Mr. Whipple" in Charmin bathroom tissue commercials for decades. So if you're going to his funeral - please don't squeeze the forearms.

+ Britain's Queen Elizabeth celebrated her 60^th wedding anniversary, with a special church service. Prince Charles attended, and quietly wondered how he missed out on such a great example....

+ Former White House adviser Karl Rove told Newsweek magazine that Republican presidential candidates should go after Hillary Rodham Clinton. In Rove's words: "She lacks her husband's political gifts" - which is why you've never heard rumors connecting her with unmarried men.

(An ABC News/Washington Post poll in Iowa found one-third of the people there have spoken with a presidential candidate. I suppose this means directly - as opposed to talking back to the TV set during a political commercial.)

+ Plans were announced for the fall 2008 pre-election debates. The Presidential candidates will debate three times. The vice-presidential candidates will debate once. And absolutely no questioners will be allowed to dress like snowmen.

+ CBS News cited a recent Pew Research survey, which found 93 percent of young U.S. residents regularly use the Internet. I didn't know seven percent of all children in this country were Amish.

(The survey also revealed 33 percent of young people have been contacted by strangers while online. This is why every computer should come equipped with a pop-up blocker - so strangers can stop telling teenagers they're the one-millionth web site visitor of the day.)

+ Britain's Financial Times reported on a recent study, which showed men get their drinks in coffee shops an average 20 seconds faster than women. At last - an explanation of why men run faster in track and field.

+ Lloyd Carr announced his retirement as the University of Michigan football coach. Ann Arbor is located so close to Detroit that Carr trade-ins are expected sooner or later.

+ Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees was named the American League's most valuable player. You know he's valuable when Warren Buffett is advising him about a contract extension. [True!]

+ Former boxing champion Mike Tyson was sentenced to one day in an Arizona jail, for cocaine and drunk driving charges. Betting windows immediately opened in Las Vegas, on whether Tyson would top Lindsay Lohan's actual jail time of 84 minutes.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1814 (+ 45, 2.5%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:35 AM

Monday, November 19, 2007

19 NOV 07: GOING QUIETLY

The number seemed hard to believe - only one fence climber arrested this year on SOA Watch Sunday. Does this mean protesters don't want to go to prison, the way they once did? Or is this a statement about national obesity - that very few people can climb the Fort Benning fence?

As of Sunday night, the SOA Watch web site counted 11 total arrests from Sunday's protest outside Fort Benning. One person climbed a fence, while ten others walked onto post "through a side entrance." This is what happens when they keep Interstate 185 open all weekend.

SOA Watch also reports three protesters face local charges, because they carried crosses "whose size exceeded Columbus police regulations." I didn't know there was a city rule on these things. The people who roll a giant cross down the Riverwalk every spring need to turn it into firewood in a hurry.

The 11 arrested protesters were freed on bond Sunday evening, and are due in federal court in January. Wow - this could mean no Monday morning march down 12^th Street, for an arraignment downtown. We hope Ruth Ann's restaurant isn't financially hurt by this.

The web site didn't show an attendance count. But one TV newscast said 9,000 protesters showed up at the Fort Benning gate Sunday. That's a big drop from last year's SOA Watch estimate of 22,000. And you can't blame the most obvious excuse for this - because Notre Dame's football team is dreadful.

The SOA Watch Sunday protest reportedly began with a blessing from the "International Mayan League." This is a new one on me. Why can't Maya Rudolph of "Saturday Night Live" have a simple fan club?

Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich addressed the protest outside Fort Benning. He promised if elected, he'll make the closing of the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation a top priority. For the next two months, of course, Kucinich's top priority is how to raise more campaign money than Ron Paul.

Former Georgia Rep. Cynthia McKinney also showed up Sunday to protest WHINSEC. Would you want this woman endorsing your cause, after some of the things she's said and done in recent years? I'm a bit surprised she hasn't blamed the Bush administration's policies for the drought.

On the other side, Sunday's Ledger-Enquirer reported more than 20,000 people attended God Bless Fort Benning over the weekend. But it noted that crowd included about 9,800 soldiers and 2,000 officers -- so military personnel may have outnumbered civilians. We would have hoped for this rally to look more like Columbus than a city in Pakistan.

Last November God Bless Fort Benning held a "remembrance breakfast" on Sunday at Green Island Country Club. If it happened again this weekend, the Sunday night newscasts didn't show it. If you forget to attend an annual remembrance, should you be checked for Alzheimer's disease?

Maybe people on all sides in this annual showdown were a bit tired this year. WRBL decided the top story at 6:00 p.m. wasn't a rally or a protest, but an afternoon of light rain in Columbus. That probably matters more to everyone - because without water, people both pro and con will drop from dehydration.

Let's see what else climbed the fence of our thinking Sunday, to get our attention....

+ Callaway Gardens held its annual charity "Nightwalk" at the Fantasy of Lights. Gardens officials say they're trying to think "green" this year, with solar offsets of some kind being exchanged for the lightbulb power. I'm old enough to remember when a "solar offset" meant you put on suntan lotion.

+ The Columbus State women's soccer team lost in the national quarterfinals to Tampa. A close game came down to penalty kicks - which made some guys wonder why drill team members aren't kept on the bench for moments like that.

+ Tampa Bay drained the Atlanta Falcons 31-7. Fox Sports counted at least eight dropped passes by Atlanta receivers - so maybe they should turn up the thermostat at the Georgia Dome, to make things stickier.

+ Instant Message to Beacon University: I think it's safe now. Go ahead and change your clock on Veterans Parkway back to standard time. I mean, it's been two weeks....

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: There's still no word of contract talks in the Writers' Guild strike. One sticky issue could be who will write the contract - and whether an attorney has to join the union to do it.

+ The lack of writers didn't stop the American Music Awards from going ahead Sunday night. "Will.i.am" said a dirty word in the first minute of the show -- so be thankful the ABC censors were crossing the picket line.

(The American Music Awards had some strange results. Beyonce Knowles was given a special award for being an International Artist -- but she lost two separate categories to Fergie and Rihanna. I have a funny feeling this is a prelude of the presidential votes in January.)

+ Talks resumed Sunday between striking stagehands and producers of Broadway shows. The producers want a settlement by Thanksgiving - because if the stagehands don't have a stuffed turkey ready to bring out at the proper moment, who will?

+ Japan began its first expedition to hunt humpback whales in four decades. It's a good thing this didn't happen along the U.S. West Coast - because the fishers might target some pro football linemen by mistake.

+ National Public Radio reported the U.S. national debt is now at 50 trillion dollars. Now this is truly scary - because we can't even pay it by taking the Bill Gates family hostage.

(The national debt shows no sign of declining anytime soon. Especially not when billionaire Warren Buffett tells Alex Rodriguez to negotiate a 270-million dollar baseball contract....)

+ A cafeteria worker at the U.S. Capitol was fired, because a lawmaker asked for a grilled sandwich - and the staff worker served it toasted. Fine points like this matter with members of Congress, of course. When was the last time you heard of a Senate committee toasting a witness?

+ Pro football had its strangest moment of the season, when a Cleveland kicker forced overtime against Baltimore. Pat Dawson kicked a field goal which went off an upright, then the back of the goal post behind the back line. The officials were puzzled for several minutes about whether the kick was good - while in a billiard hall, there wouldn't be any question.

+ Houston edged New England 2-1 to win the championship of Major League Soccer. The MLS Cup final in Washington was NOT a sellout. This is what happens when Victoria Beckham's husband misses the playoffs....

+ Jimmie Johnson won his second consecutive NASCAR season championship. Since Lowe's is his sponsor, Johnson may face a handicap next season - and be forced to drive with two-by-fours sticking out the windows of his car.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1769 (- 119, 6.3%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:16 AM

Sunday, November 18, 2007

18 NOV 07: A CITY SO BUSY

It was about 8:50 a.m. Saturday when I walked out the door to go to church. A bit of slushy ice was on the rear windshield of my car. Why the slush was on the side facing the sunrise while none was on the other side, I don't quite understand.

I allowed myself a few extra minutes to get to church - and less than a block from my home, I was glad I did. A Columbus Police officer had stopped traffic at Fifth Street and First Avenue. Not for march practice by SOA Watch, but the God Bless Fort Benning 5,000 meter run. The runners wore costumes in a way -- because it was only about 35 degrees F.

The female police officer was waiting on what she called "stragglers" in the road race. They came in pairs or threesomes, with a couple walking more than running. They could have passed for Fort Benning soldiers, in their second week of basic training.

After taking a short unplanned side trip down Fifth Street, I was off the road course and on the way to church. So I missed the crowd at God Bless Fort Benning - and for some reason, the only lines of traffic I noticed all day where heading to the Cottonmouths game after dark.

Yet on the way to church, I also felt the impact of the SOA Watch protest. I drove in the center lane up Veterans Parkway, and suddenly found two large tour buses on either side of me. One was marked New Orleans, and the other seemed to be from out of town as well. Neither one was from Groome Transportation, taking evicted protesters to the Atlanta airport.

Once I arrived at church, a couple of people there expressed concern that the close proximity of God Bless Fort Benning and SOA Watch activities downtown might cause some trouble. But apparently the two groups got along fine, as the late news didn't mention any arrests. Which group do you think would be more likely to spend a late night at the Broadway bars?

About 5,000 basic training members were bused from Fort Benning to the God Bless Fort Benning party on Broadway. They wore military outfits, so everyone would be sure to spot them and "hug a soldier." In Columbus, this is acceptable. In parts of Iraq, it could be downright dangerous.

The basic training soldiers were able to make free five-minute phone calls to family members across the country. This time limit must not have seemed very long. Carlton Gary probably has longer sessions with his attorneys on death row every week....

So if God Bless Fort Benning wasn't using South Commons Saturday, who was? I took a walk there during mid-afternoon, and only found hockey players and fans in the parking lot. If the Tidwells had hired a few Cottonmouth players as special guest stars, they could have saved on money for extra police.

In a possible first, a bus came from out of state to join in God Bless Fort Benning. It was filled with military supporters from Pennsylvania, who heard about SOA Watch and decided to respond. We hope they enjoyed staying overnight in motels across LaGrange.

While SOA Watch protesters filled Columbus motels, the managers were not exactly on their side. "GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS" said a sign outside Howard Johnson's on Veterans Parkway. The other side of the sign did NOT welcome SOA Watch - unless it was reminding the marchers to eat the lunch buffet before protesting.

SOA Watch held a Saturday afternoon musical rally outside the main gate of Fort Benning, along with workshops at the Trade Center. But the big event comes today, with a mass protest on Fort Benning Road - and with so many Catholic students involved, the emphasis will be on "mass."

SOA Watch organizer Roy Bourgeois says progress is being made to shut down the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation. He noted a House vote earlier this year to close WHINSEC failed by only six votes. Close losses didn't keep Mike Shula in his coaching job at Alabama....

WHINSEC again invited SOA Watch protesters into its building Saturday, for a presentation on what the institute really does. So anyone who climbs over the fence onto Fort Benning today only has himself to blame - because he could have taken a bus ride inside and staged a sit-in.

An SOA Watch protester from Wisconsin actually admitted to WRBL that she's noticed a change in what WHINSEC does, compared with the old School of the Americas. This was a startling statement - and made me wonder if she actually was a chaperone.

While noisy events occurred in two corners of Columbus, I left church at about 12:15 p.m. I sat in my car for a moment, and marveled at how quiet things were around me. No drumbeats, no motorcycle procession, no chanting - yup, I'm attending a conservative church these days.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Sometimes we get one hot tip at a time. Sometimes they come in bunches....

Sir Richard:

Rumors have swirled for months about our "mare," first it was a matter between her and East Alabama Medical Center. That issue was proven true. Just before going to trial with an out of court settlement.

Next; there was the "Park" plan. Well it seems that because of a grant writer's self-interest the program is moving forward. There has already been a confrontation between a heavy equiptment operator and an adjacent property owner! And, the Chairman of the "Hurt'sboro Water Board "Doesn't want to cause trouble.' so he is allowing a parking area to be built on the Board's property. Actually the "Park is virtually landlocked if the surveyor's measurements were adhered to! What is sad is - that no one would believe me until I produced letters attesting to the fact that; with a stroke of her pen - she has committed "Hurt'sboro to a $15,000.00 debt that is collectible in Federal Court. At one time the town had collected $5,000.00 for community improvement - but now no one seems to know where the money is at!!

As you know - the "mare" has been the manager of the JET center in "Hurt'sboro for some time. Well - it seems the board members there have had reason to FIRE the ol' girl - can you imagine that!!!

By the way, our garbage wasn't picked up again this week. Good thing its cooled off - the insects and the aroma - shouldn't be too overwhelming until next Wednesday. It MAY get picked up then?? And we can always call in the buzzards, if all else fails

THERE'S MUCH MORE TO COME!!!

Constable R.J. Schweiger

We dealt at length with the grant money for a Hurtsboro city park several months ago [14 May]. At the time, grant writer Bob Corwin denied he sought a state grant simply for his cut from the city. But if Corwin had NOT sought the grant, would the Constable accuse him of being lax in his job?

But hold on here - was the Hurtsboro Mayor actually fired from the Jet Adult Care Center? A staff member at the center denied it, when we called the other day. But the staff member confirmed Sandra Tarver-Yoe didn't work there anymore - so maybe she found a better job with the new owner of that grocery store.

So why did Mayor Sandra Tarver-Yoe leave the adult care center she helped found? The staff member admitted she wasn't "at liberty to tell me that," but she took my name and phone number to have a member of the center's board call me. As of Saturday night, no one had called - but this is Hurtsboro, and pink message slips might move a bit slower there.

As for Constable Schweiger's other allegations: we called the Hurtsboro City Hall for a comment Friday afternoon - but no one answered the phone. So maybe the staff was out looking for thousands of dollars, in people's garbage bags.

Next up: a question that's come up several times in recent weeks....

I saw sprinklers running at Ft Benning,are they exempt from the no watering ban?

As I understand it, yes. Fort Benning is in Chattahoochee County, and the boundary line for the watering ban is Muscogee County. So fill your buckets with water indoors, drive them to Cusseta and sponge your car down all you want.

And uh-oh -- is this blog in trouble again?

Okay- you've gone too far- you made me laugh out loud at a mortuary! Shame on you!

People are reading this blog at a mortuary?! Some people will go to any lengths to find free Wi-Fi access....

We thank all of you who write us - and now let's write a little more about the weekend:

+ The Army Corps of Engineers decided to reduce the flow of water down the Chattahoochee River from Lake Lanier - but by only five percent. I can't wait to hear Governor Sonny Perdue describe about 250 million gallons a day as a "drop in the bucket."

(Believe it or not, I heard an older man at church this weekend pooh-pooh the prayer vigils for rain. He declared God is "not in the rain-making business." I didn't recognize the man, to see if he was a retired meteorologist.)

+ The Courier's "Street Committee" claimed Keyshia Cole bailed out of the R. Kelly concert at the Civic Center, because she was upset with the order of the performers. Cole reportedly wanted to appear after Ne-Yo, not before him. Too bad for Cole that VH-1 doesn't do "Diva Night" concerts anymore....

+ WLTZ showed no "local" Saturday night newscasts, so apparently their new news team is working only five days a week. There might have been more meaningful information on "Real Time" with Bill Purvis, anyway.

+ WRBL's late news included a headline: "CYCLONE DAMAGE." I was thrilled at the thought of seeing undefeated Kansas crushing the Iowa State Cyclones 45-7 -- but then I saw those needy people in Bangladesh....

+ Georgia won an important football game over Kentucky 24-13. The Bulldogs' Michael Henderson proposed to his girlfriend on the field before the game. Then I assume Coach Mark Richt gave the couple instructions on how to romantically hug and kiss.

+ Instant Message to all Alabama football fans: Baptist ministers across the state will be waiting for you today - so you can repent, and bring your Nick Saban gods to be burned.

(Really now - Louisiana-Monroe 21, Alabama 14?! How ULM-barrassing....)

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths lost to Knoxville 6-4. It was the season debut of Cottonmouths defenseman Tom Wilson - and he wound up in at least two fights. Wilson needs to transfer away from Columbus EMS, and become a boxing coach at Comer Gym.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: The cast of "Saturday Night Live" moved to a Manhattan theater Saturday night. An "improv" program was held, because of the continuing Writers' Guild strike. If someone smuggles a tape of that show onto the NBC web site, we'll have some real fireworks.

+ A New Jersey SWAT team was disbanded, after pictures surfaced of a road trip members took two years ago. They went to the Gulf Coast, in the wake of Hurricane Katrina - but the pictures showed them partying at a Hooters restaurant in Tuscaloosa. You don't use pepper spray to spice up chicken wings, you know....

+ A report from international climate experts warned global warming has become so bad, sea levels are destined to rise as much as 4.6 feet. And we wondered why Panama City Beach was building all those ten-story-high condominiums.

+ An unknown buyer spent more than $30 million to buy a collection of rare U.S. coins. Some are original uncirculated coins from the 1700s - way back when no one had a good picture of George Washington to put on the quarter.

+ Coca-Cola's stock closed Friday at a new high, of $62.62 a share. This may force Pepsi to do what it's resisted all this time -- and answer"Coca-Cola Zero" with "Pepsi Minus-One."

+ Our sympathies to Martha Stewart, whose mother has died at a Connecticut hospital. But we still suspect plenty of women will watch the funeral closely - to see what Stewart wears, and whether the casket is a matching color.

+ Britney Spears made another trip to court - and a tape was played of her running a red light, with her children in the car. If she's not careful, Spears is going to wind up spending ten minutes longer in jail than Lindsay Lohan did.

(TMZ reports Spears now claims to have attention deficit disorder, and is taking the drug Adderal for it. So she can sign yet another big endorsement deal, and make Kevin Federline look like an even bigger bum.)

+ Country singer Garth Brooks wrapped up his comeback tour with concerts in Kansas City. He was disappointed to learn Toby Keith is refusing to surrender the title, "Big Dog Daddy."

+ College football had another big surprise, as Texas Tech topped third-ranked Oklahoma 34-27. The ABC telecast left one critical question unsettled. Why does Texas Tech keep calling itself the "Red Raiders," when the team wears black jerseys at home? [True!]

+ The Tennessee "Lady Vol" basketball team announced it will give away free tuition to a student at an upcoming game. We're trying to track down which female swimmer left school, and gave up her scholarship....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1888 (- 287, 13.2%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 2:31 AM

Friday, November 16, 2007

16 NOV 07: WAR AND PEACE

It's very tempting to put this weekend's events in Columbus along the lines in our title. But this title always reminds me of an old Woody Allen joke - about how he speed read the classic novel "War and Peace." His conclusion? "It's about Russia."

The organizers of God Bless Fort Benning and SOA Watch are ready for their dueling weekend gatherings in Columbus. And for the first time in years, their paths actually may cross -- as both groups have events planned downtown. It's no wonder the Budweiser Clydesdales are remaining neutral, and appearing at Callaway Gardens.

God Bless Fort Benning has moved its Saturday celebration downtown, in part because it now has an office at 1012 Broadway. That's where Cumbaa Shoes used to be - so you'd think SOA Watch would have taken this spot, so protesters could sing "Cumbaa-Yah" every week.

The new headquarters of God Bless Fort Benning sounds a bit like a USO station. Soldiers can stop by and use free services such as wireless Internet connections. But this leaves one big lingering question. Why isn't there a downtown doughnut shop, to feed these troops?

(The Metro Columbus Home Builders Association donated about $60,000 worth of renovations, for the new God Bless Fort Benning office. Compare this with SOA Watch - where I assume the marchers have to cut out their own wooden crosses.)

Apparently because of the new home base, God Bless Fort Benning will be held on several blocks of Broadway this weekend. I have to say "apparently" because the organizers always deny their event is in response to SOA Watch - yet it's always on the same weekend, and the first two just happened to be tried alongside the big Sunday protest.

The chair of this year's God Bless Fort Benning Day is former Columbus Mayor Bob Poydasheff. This probably disappoints some cynics in the police department -- but c'mon now: how could Poydasheff have kept bagging groceries, after breaking his hip?

God Bless Fort Benning will be an all-day event, beginning around 8:30 a.m. with a 5,000-meter run. Any SOA Watch activists who want to participate will be allowed to go to the front of the line, to give the other runners reason to go faster.

God Bless Fort Benning also will feature food. WLTZ reported Thursday that the six children of Jack and Eve Tidwell will come together, and serve pancakes. Then a bit later, Keni Thomas may add some syrupy songs....

They've really raised the stakes at God Bless Fort Benning this year - and no, I'm NOT talking about Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I heard on TV Thursday that "Santa Claus" will attend. Isn't this amazing?! They may have found a Catholic guy that SOA Watch hasn't brainwashed....

(How will SOA Watch respond to this ~~coup~~ move? Will it bring on the Rivertown Ford dancing turkey, in a Thanksgiving tribute? Or is this pretend "Santa Claus" actually a reaction to all those tall protest puppets?)

But only a few blocks away from God Bless Fort Benning, SOA Watch has reserved the Columbus Trade Center for a weekend of seminars and workshops. At some point, they'll probably share the same route as Fort Benning soldiers - which could make the Tuskegee-Morehouse rivalry look downright friendly.

Do a YouTube search for "Columbus, Georgia" and you'll likely find video clips of SOA Watch protesters downtown. That's what came up when I did a search several months ago - proving the local rap music groups still have some catching up to do.

So as we asked here several weeks ago, what will happen if God Bless Fort Benning people cross paths downtown with SOA Watch people? Will we see classic Southern hospitality and friendliness? Or are we more likely to see an episode of "The O'Reilly Factor" break out -- or even worse, Jerry Springer?

This potential clash of cultures and ideology may explain why God Bless Fort Benning is spending a lot of money on security. The Ledger-Enquirer claims the Broadway rally has hired 31 Columbus police officers. But if Fort Benning soldiers are going to be there, is this really necessary? An SOA Watch provocation could inspire an Iraq flashback.

(Isn't it curious that the pro-military rally in Columbus is hiring dozens of police officers to keep the peace - while the anti-military rally doesn't seem concerned about possible troublemakers mixing in? SOA Watch seems to wait for the police officers to arrest their own protesters.)

While God Bless Fort Benning has to raise money through donations, SOA Watch brings in money from out of town. The Columbus Chamber of Commerce estimates protesters will spend $2.2 million over the weekend. We're not sure if that includes the money spent on Monday, by fence-jumpers posting bail.

Some Victory Drive motels reportedly are booked full this weekend. In fact, they've probably been busy throughout November. First the Fountain City Classic, then the high school cheerleading championship, now SOA Watch - and if those three ever combine, it'll be the loudest and fanciest step show that Fort Benning Road has ever seen.

SOA Watch usually has a celebrity guest or two of its own. This year, Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich plans to attend - so will all the protesters from Iowa and New Hampshire please clearly mark themselves?

We'll see which side makes a bigger impact - and now let's see what news stories hit our brain on Thursday:

+ A Muscogee County school tribunal expelled two Hardaway High School students for the year, because of that noose incident. In related news, all plans to form high school bungee jumping clubs have been postponed indefinitely.

+ A local woman told the evening news she plans to begin a petition drive, to stop a proposed liquor store across the street from Northside High School. I can understand her concern - but what would she want across the street instead? Should convenience stores have "happy hours," and lock the beer cases from 2:30 to 4:30?

+ WRBL reported the Historic Columbus Foundation will begin a community campaign to refurbish the Spencer House at Eighth and Veterans Parkway. The NAACP chapter spent a Saturday there earlier this year - but left with the exterior paint only scraped, not repainted. It was like that proposed Riverfest boycott all over again....

+ Auburn Police reported a gas station on Shug Jordan Parkway was robbed of $10,000. I knew the price of gas was jumping, but this is getting ridiculous....

+ Atlanta-based Pike Family Nurseries filed for bankruptcy protection. I suppose you could blame this on the drought - but couldn't this company start selling cactus instead of geraniums?

+ Jacksonville jarred the Columbus Cottonmouths 4-0 - and the two teams combined for 116 shots on goal. They went to a hockey game, and a basketball game broke out....

(Carmike Cinemas showed the Cottonmouths road game on a movie screen at Columbus Park Crossing, and charged eight dollars a ticket. Does this show how much of a "hockey town" Columbus has become? Or do that many people think prime-time television already is in reruns, from the writers' strike?)

+ Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue announced he'll bring the Columbus Northern and Warner Robins American Little League championship teams together this weekend - to play wiffle ball! This governor needs to stick to things he knows, like prayers for rain.

+ Instant Message to WLTZ Chief Meteorologist Mark Prater: What do you mean, we don't get much snow "down here"?! You're not down here. And last time I checked, Davenport, Iowa seemed to be a little colder in the winter than Columbus.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Ellen DeGeneres has canceled plans to do her talk show in New York next week. Members of the Writers' Guild planned to stage protests, because she's crossed their picket line in Hollywood. Well, she's never been accused of spelling her last name "The Generous."

+ A book called "Tree of Smoke" has won the National Book Award. Congratulations to the author -- but I somehow doubt anyone in southern California is going to buy that book for a while.

+ Democratic Presidential candidates held their latest debate in Las Vegas. John Edwards claimed the current system is "broken.... rigged.... corrupt." I wasn't sure if he was talking about government in Washington, or the blackjack tables on the strip.

+ President Bush announced he'll open normally-closed military airspace along the east coast, so commercial flights can move with fewer delays. I thought this President cared about national security - and now he'll invite all sorts of new picture-taking out airplane windows?!

+ Time magazine reported the average U.S. resident sleeps about eight-and-a-half hours a night. Either the people surveyed for this report were questioned on Sunday mornings, or they included the time they sleep on the job.

+ Parents in the Prince George's County, Maryland school system have orders to bring their children to the county courthouse this weekend for vaccinations. If the children don't receive required shots, the parents could be arrested.

+ Baseball home run king Barry Bonds was indicted on four perjury counts. A federal grand jury suspects he lied about not knowingly taking steroids. But wait a minute - no indictment for all the bases Bonds stole years ago?!

(Barry Bonds does NOT have a contract for next season -- but he's been offered a one-year deal by the minor league Washington, Pennsylvania Wild Things. I suppose Bonds could qualify, for having wildly-inflated statistics....)

+ Inside Edition reported "Heroes" star Hayden Panettiere faces an arrest warrant in Japan. Countless teenage guys are bound to be inspired by this -- and make their own warrants to attempt citizens' arrests.

+ The tabloid show TMZ revealed Paris Hilton has a new dog, and has named her Marilyn Monroe. Somehow, I won't be quite as interested in seeing this Marilyn Monroe stand over a steam grate....

(So if a dog named Marilyn Monroe stars in a feature film, should it be called "The One-Year Itch"?!)

+ Arizona upset second-ranked Oregon in college football 34-24. Yippee -- the dream of a national championship appearance keeps building for my alma mater Kansas! Now if long-lost sister school Ar-KANSAS would please beat Louisiana State....

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: Was a local mayor fired from a "day job?" We sort out fact from fiction....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2175 (+ 58, 2.7%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:57 AM

Thursday, November 15, 2007

15 NOV 07: THE MEDI-GAP

Have you been following the news stories about the death of Kanye West's mother? Some reports have rushed so quickly to attack her plastic surgeon, you'd think he was racing around Southern California with leaking bottles of botox.

Reporters have been digging for dirt on the plastic surgeon of Kanye West's mother, and found several malpractice suits. But keep one thing in mind: anyone can file a lawsuit. It's another thing to win over a jury in court. O.J. Simpson soon may teach the country that lesson all over again.

Did you know Columbus's most famous doctor has a blot on her record as well? Only Dr. Jan McBarron's mark was a year-long probation, ordered by the Georgia Board of Medical Examiners. So for awhile, "Duke and the Doctor" was more like "Duke and I-Play-One-On-Radio."

I found the state records on Dr. Jan McBarron years ago during the LaughLine era, but I reviewed them Wednesday in the wake of Kanye West's family heartbreak. McBarron's Georgia medical license was placed on probation in December 1999, for several violations of state standards. But she didn't stoop to plastic surgery - or even prescribing Rogaine for her husband Duke.

The Georgia Board of Medical Examiners accused Dr. Jan McBarron of "diagnosing and recommending unproven remedies to unknown callers" during weekly appearances on WLTZ. McBarron contended her advice about herbal medicines and nutritional supplements was truthful. She simply left out the part about a lack of clinical research....

The 1999 document putting Dr. Jan McBarron on probation admits it was "a compromise and settlement.... to avoid further expense and litigation." Well, we certainly didn't want any Peachtree Natural Foods store to be forced inside Peachtree Mall.

The 1999 settlement also required Dr. Jan McBarron to add a disclaimer message to all broadcasts, noting her advice is "not a substitute" for an examination by a licensed physician. So her words are not a substitute - but the herbal products she recommends are.

Dr. Jan McBarron's probation ended in January 2001, but not before she had to pay a $5,000 fine as part of the Georgia settlement. So if you see signs outside Georgia Bariatrics talking about becoming "lighter in the wallet" - believe me, she's been there.

The only items on Dr. Jan McBarron's record since the 1999 probation are two cases where she missed deadlines to renew her medical license in other states. You can understand how this can happen - when you're busy searching across the South for the finest St. John's Wort.

So has Jan McBarron changed her ways, since having her Georgia medical license put on probation for a year? Is she now promoting real prescription medicines on radio and television? Or have patient complaints stopped, because they're tuning their AM radios down the dial to Neal Boortz?

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT: Remember the 30-day experiment we started, collecting credit card offers in the mail [1 Nov]? A strange thing has happened since we received two on the first day - we've received NO offers since. The marketing firms must be reading our blog, when they're not busy licking envelopes.

We head back to health issues, as we review news headlines from Wednesday:

+ Executives with The Growing Room admitted a child was hospitalized, with a possible case of drug-resistant staph infection. They told WRBL any rumors about quarantining children are false. And if you hear about someone at the child care center being in hot water - no, that actually means the toys are being cleansed in a dishwasher.

+ The city of Columbus marked the first "World Diabetes Day," with Councilor and nurse Jerry Barnes giving medical tests to Mayor Jim Wetherington and other Councilors. At one point, Barnes joked he was having trouble getting the mayor to bleed. Once aides are sure he's smiling, they'll get to work on that.

+ The Commandant of Fort Benning's Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation denied his program teaches "commando tactics." Col. Gilberto Perez told WRBL abusive military leaders in Latin America could be affected by factors besides WHINSEC.. He makes a good point -- why doesn't SOA Watch march outside Carmike Cinemas as well?

(The WHINSEC Commandant denied recent claims by SOA Watch that Bolivia is ending its involvement in the program. Right now, of course, the sight of a Bolivia sticker on Fort Benning could mean something besides WHINSEC - like an illegal immigrant going through basic training, to become a U.S. citizen.)

+ Russell County High School infielder Cyle Rasmus signed a college baseball letter of intent with Southern Illinois. So when brother Colby is called up to the St. Louis Cardinals, they can rent out rooms at an East St. Louis mansion on the side.

+ University of Georgia basketball player Billy Humphrey was arrested and suspended. Athens police say he had a knife longer than two inches, which constitutes a felony. Restaurant chefs across Athens immediately locked their carving knives in basement safes.

(The butter knives in my kitchen drawer have blades more than four inches long. If I took them to Athens, would I risk being arrested? Which spoon maker lobbied to get this law on the books?)

+ Instant Message to WLTZ News: I'm sure Bulldog football fans are reassured by those words you showed on the screen -- "Georgia Set for Tech." But why was Jeremy Moss talking about this weekend's game against Kentucky, which comes first?

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: A new list of the "50 Greatest TV Icons" by Entertainment Weekly magazine ranks Johnny Carson at the top. So which striking members of the Writers' Guild will accept this award, for writing all his jokes?

Ellen DeGeneres reportedly crossed the Writers' Guild picket lines, to keep working on her daily talk show. But maybe reporters misunderstood this -- and maybe she was trying to get the writers to dance a conga.

+ National Public Radio reported a carpenters' union in Washington hired homeless people to walk on an informational picket line, and paid them eight dollars an hour. These union leaders must be too busy taking M.B.A. courses, to spend time marching....

+ Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf announced he plans to step down as top General in the army by the end of November. Hopefully you won't mind if he sells his uniform on eBay, to pay for a personal cache of weapons.

+ Michael Mukasey officially was sworn in as U.S. Attorney General. Mukasey thought about making a series of phone calls, to get to know his staff - but then he realized Democrats might consider that political meddling, and launch yet another investigation.

+ The administrative law judge in Washington who sued a dry cleaner for $54 million has lost his job. A local commission on judicial tenure decided NOT to reappoint Roy Pearson - which should prove once and for all it's NOT about how you wear the robe, but what you're wearing underneath it.

+ O.J. Simpson was ordered to stand trial in Las Vegas on felony charges. If Simpson is convicted, he could go to prison for life - which at least would give him plenty of time to write another book.

+ Delta and United Airlines denied rumors that they're in merger talks. I'm leaning against this idea - because wouldn't the check-in lines at airports be twice as long?

+ New York Governor Eliot Spitzer announced he's abandoning an idea to give driving licenses to undocumented workers. There are other ways to handle this situation, of course. If you're behind a pickup truck with a flag bumper sticker that you don't recognize, slow down as a precaution.

+ The author of a new book on "outlaw racing" claims he drove from New York to Los Angeles in a record time of 31 hours, four minutes. Alexander Roy told National Public Radio he stopped only six times for gasoline. OK - but did he take two or four tires when he stopped?

(Alexander Roy averaged about 88 miles an hour to drive cross-country - and he did it in an old BMW with cruise control. Using cruise control to set this kind of record seems like cheating to me. A heavier right foot could affect the weight of the car, and slow things down.)

+ ABC News visited the "Autobahn Country Club" in Joliet, Illinois - where members can drive as fast as they wish on a three-mile road course. Why didn't someone think of this before -- the perfect answer to road rage?

(Of course, some Southerners would argue they don't need a country club to do this sort of driving. They have rural county roads already.)

+ A Hollywood photographer complained he was seriously injured, while following Britney Spears on a motorcycle. If there's any "celebrity justice," other members of the paparazzi snapped pictures of his injuries non-stop for ten minutes.

+ People magazine declared actor Matt Damon the "Sexiest Man Alive" for 2007. Barack Obama's chances of winning the Democratic Presidential nomination are in real trouble now....

+ Reality TV fell to another new low, when former "Different Strokes" star Todd Bridges and his wife appeared on the MyNetwork program "Decision House." But at least this couple is different from Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. In Bridges's case, all the cameras are inside the house.

+ The rural-based satellite channel RFD-TV announced it will show Don Imus's daily program when it returns in December. And here I thought the only cowboy in New York City was that naked one in Times Square....

SCHEDULED FRIDAY: A preview of The Showdown in Uptown....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2117 (+ 72, 3.5%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:59 AM

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

14 NOV 07: R. YOU READY?

Tonight will be a big night for Columbus music fans. R. Kelly will launch his latest tour at the Civic Center - although you'll forgive some local sports fans if they think he's former major league baseball player Roberto Kelly.

A Monday afternoon news conference was held at the Midtown Café, promoting the R. Kelly concert. WLTZ reported it was called to assure fans that the show was still on. This may seem like a strange thing to do -- but after the arrest of T.I. last month, it's understandable.

Promoters assured reporters R. Kelly's Columbus show will be every bit like the one he'll do in Atlanta and other cities. Oh really?! Have they been briefed on the city indecency rules, which put Bobby Brown in jail several years ago?

The news conference apparently also was called to spur ticket sales. As of Monday afternoon, the R. Kelly concert had NOT sold out. Perhaps fans are concerned they might be videotaped during the show - then be called to testify at R. Kelly's trial.

The name "R. Kelly" may have you wondering whatever happened to his legal problems. It's been five years since the singer was arrested on child pornography charges, and the case has yet to come to trial. If R. Kelly wasn't free on bond, you might think he's a suspected Muslim terrorist.

All sorts of legal motions have delayed the R. Kelly trial. It's now expected to begin next spring -- but I think he has to wait until there's a long break in the O.J. Simpson case.

A key evidence issue in pre-trial hearings has been whether a grainy "sex tape" actually shows the singer. In other words: should this tape really be rated R, as in Kelly -- or X, as in excluding him as a suspect?

Could it be that the longstanding charges against R. Kelly have hurt ticket sales in Columbus? Of course, there could be another explanation. Local entertainment lovers could be resting up for God Bless Fort Benning this weekend.

I'm admittedly not up on R. Kelly's music - but I learned online Tuesday night he sings a soul tune called "Chocolate Factory." Why his latest tour isn't sponsored by Hershey's "Special Dark," I have no idea.

Three other acts are on the tour with R. Kelly - but I confess I'm not familiar with them, either. For instance, who or what is Ne-Yo? Is he some kind of centrist politician - sort of a Ne-Yo-conservative?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Our first message today actually came a few days ago, but we needed to check whether part of it was true:

The two students who ended up with the noose at their feet [10 Nov] was one white girl and one black girl,not that it matters..It was still wrong..Both girls said they were not threatened or embarrassed. I think it was a stupid move on the part of non-assuming boys ..This one incident of not thinking will make a negative change in their young lives..With all the news going on in the world I can't believe the Ledger ran article after article on the subject. Looks like a beautiful day...get out and run the river walk ,but jump the gators.

Correcting the first part of this: Muscogee County Schools spokesperson Valerie Fuller told your blog Tuesday she understands the targeted Hardaway High students are both African-American. A Thursday tribunal may determine whether the noose scared them or not. It should also determine the current high price of stupidity in local high schools.

The weather certainly has been nice for running lately, but I don't head down the section of the Columbus Riverwalk where the alligator warnings are posted. The bigger hazard for me is tripping over tired workers, who sleep on the 14th Street pedestrian bridge.

Let's pull up one more e-mail, relating to the drought:

Did you see on TV Sunday news about mansion in Marietta that is using more water per billing period that many neighboring houses put together..His neighbors were all stunned and wanted to know where the water is going...So,here we sit in Columbus with water restrictions and this guy is using more water than some small communities..

Yes, I did see that story - and the mansion purportedly is owned by the son of a liquor industry executive. So it should be no surprise, if he prefers things wet....

But here's the thing: Marietta is under the same "level four" water restrictions that Columbus is. And much like Columbus, Cobb County water officials admit they don't have any rules to punish water abusers. The only way to stop this may be a tried and true teenage prank - spreading soap all over the mansion owner's yard, to flush him out with bubbles.

Water issues top our look at Tuesday news headlines:

+ About 100 people attended a prayer vigil for rain, outside the Columbus Government Center. A reporter from WLTZ apparently carried an umbrella with her - which may show she doesn't trust somebody in Iowa reporting her local weather, either.

(The prayer vigil was organized by Remnant Church Pastor Sharon Billings. She explained she awoke early one morning, and heard a voice telling her to call Mayor Jim Wetherington. Other Columbus residents have had a similar experience - when noisy trash trucks are outside their windows at 5:30 a.m.)

+ The Army Corps of Engineers held its annual meeting on West Point Lake. WRBL reported Corps leaders promised the lake level will NOT go any lower - because then it might be as low as the Corps' popularity right now.

(Instant Message to Phenix City's Parks Department: How are you keeping Moon Lake at Idle Hour Park so full? I noticed that during a visit the other night - but I think the ducks were puzzled as well, because they didn't want to go onto the water.)

+ The Muscogee County Democratic Party presented its first "Jack Brinkley Award" for leadership - and it was given to former Congressman Jack Brinkley. Yeow, I don't think the late Lonnie Jackson even went this far....

+ The One Columbus organization, uh, organized "Mix It Up Day" at Columbus High School. Students were urged to sit at lunch with people they didn't know. When I was a teenager, some students would have misunderstood this - and "mixed it up" in the cafeteria with their fists.

(Don't high schools have "mixers" anymore, where students can meet each other and maybe dance a bit? Do administrators fear someone will walk in with an electric mixer, and possibly use it as a weapon?)

+ Auburn collared Kennesaw State in men's college basketball 74-62. Kennesaw State has stepped up to major college ball in the last couple of years - and now they'd rather play Auburn than risk another embarrassing loss to Columbus State.

+ A group of students at the University of South Alabama announced they'll stage a petition drive, to oppose the Mobile school starting a football team. You can always spot the students who transfer from North and South Dakota....

+ Which smart aleck tipped over a giant green artificial Christmas tree, in the middle of the Phenix City Riverwalk? Well then again, maybe it wasn't really a smart aleck. Maybe it was a fast-moving squirrel which couldn't tell the difference.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Striking members of the Writers' Guild must have felt like kicking themselves Tuesday, when Paris Hilton reportedly made an announcement in India about drunken elephants. It was all David Letterman could do not to call CBS stations, and offer to comment during the evening news.>

Public radio's "Marketplace" reported even before the strike, about half the members of the Writers' Guild were out of work on any given day. So they're used to walking around outside, carrying things in their hands - only right now they hold picket signs, instead of scripts.

+ But back to Paris Hilton: an entertainment news wire claimed she'd spoken out in India about elephants getting drunk and causing disasters in towns. Hilton reportedly urged farmers not to leave their rice beer out, where elephants can drink it. Please leave it in bars, for respectable people like Britney Spears.

(BUT later in the day, the Associated Press "killed" this story -- because Paris Hilton's publicist declared she'd never said anything about elephants in India. For one thing, Hilton probably was too busy shopping in Mumbai to notice India has elephants at all.)

+ A newspaper in southern India reported a man married a female dog. [True/Mail.com] It was supposedly a Hindu ceremony to remove a curse on the man, because he stoned two other dogs to death. Let's all hope the judge sentencing Michael Vick never reads about this....

+ NBC News reported several British Airways flights crossed the Atlantic in recent days with absolutely no passengers. This is an amazing waste of fuel - not to mention all the extra space I could have had flying coach.

(British Airways apparently flew empty flights because it's the only way they can keep some gates at London Heathrow Airport. If you think that's weird, go up and down the TV dial some weekend afternoon and count the infomercials.)

+ The Dow Jones Industrial Average had its second-biggest gain of the year, thanks to a strong earnings report from Wal-Mart. Starting those holiday discounts in mid-August may have worked after all.

+ The legendary jewelry store Tiffany's claimed most of the items sold with its name on eBay are frauds. [True/Marketplace] So if you see an album for sale by a pop music star from the 1980's, be skeptical....

+ The preliminary hearing for O.J. Simpson resumed in Las Vegas. One witness told the court Simpson wanted him to "bring some heat" to a hotel meeting. Several alleged accomplices brought guns - when all Simpson probably wanted was cream for aching muscles.

+ "USA Today" revealed the husband of retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor has Alzheimer's disease, and appears to be in love with another woman at an Arizona care center. Even if Hillary Rodham Clinton becomes President, her marriage still may not be completely safe.

+ "Ghost Whisperer" star Jennifer Love Hewitt reportedly has called for help from real experts, to remove two ghosts inside her house. [True/Interprep.com] Really now - are those ghosts, or love-struck 16-year-old nerds?

+ A Newcastle, Oklahoma man showed off a special coil which supposedly can capture sparks in the air, and produce lightning in his backyard. This may sound strange - but keep in mind, his yard probably has the fewest mosquitoes in the state.

+ Authorities near Jacksonville reported they found a 32-year-old man dead -- stuck in the "cat entry" of a door. There are at least two valuable lessons here. Either lose some weight, or keep a spare house key in your wallet at all times.

+ Cleveland pitcher (and former Columbus RedStixx player) C.C. Sabathia won the American League Cy Young Award. This is an old Jack Benny routine just waiting to happen. "What's your name?" "C.C." "C.C.?" "Si." "What's that you're holding?" "Cy." "Cy?" "Si." "C.C.'s Cy?" "Si."

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2045 (+ 59, 3.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:23 AM

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

13 NOV 07: HAWKEYES ON THE PEACOCK

So did you watch the opening night of WLTZ's evening newscasts? If you knew it was coming, perhaps you did. If you didn't know it was coming, let me give you some important guidance -- Dr. Phil has moved to 4:00 p.m. ET.

Months of planning culminated Monday night, with the first local newscasts on WLTZ NBC-38 in 14 years. The Ledger-Enquirer made it a front page story - and it's a shame that it took the newspaper almost 12 weeks to confirm what we first reported here [22 Aug]....

In reality, the Ledger-Enquirer probably kept quiet because it's partnering with WLTZ for its three evening newscasts. Well, make that two-and-a-half - as The 6:00 Report was replayed in large sections at 7:00 p.m. It's a wonder they didn't simply call it The 6:00 Central Time Report.

WLTZ certainly kept its premiere of local news low-key. If not for the front-page newspaper article, most people never would have known it was coming. The station's web site wasn't even updated to announce it - instead promoting Dr. Phil broadcasts at two times of day when you can't see him anymore.

If WLTZ actually has own local news set, it wasn't on display Monday night. Maybe when a source told me about the fancy new set weeks ago, that person forgot to tell me it was in Iowa.

Almost the entire WLTZ newscast Monday evening came from Davenport, Iowa. Yet the anchors tried to make the news as local as possible - and never once brought up the presidential candidates campaigning all around them.

The top story for WLTZ's opening night of news was the federal holiday for Veterans Day. Trouble is, their report consisted entirely of Friday's memorial service outside the Government Center. You'll notice NBC-38 isn't promising "late-breaking" news - simply late.

If watching three-day-old news wasn't curious enough, a reporter claimed during the Veterans Day program, "Songs were SANG." Not sung - sang. So much for English teachers leading classes on WLTZ station tours for awhile....

WLTZ's newscast has fancy graphics and an impressive-looking set. But after weeks of rehearsals and a sample newscast shown to the Columbus Kiwanis Club, the start of the opening night news was sadly disappointing. And trying to connect someone at the Springer Opera House with Celine Dion and Oprah Winfrey was absurd - especially when we saw photos of Jimmy Carter.

The best part for me about the WLTZ Monday night newscast came at the one point when the Ledger-Enquirer's staff clearly was used. Action photos illustrated Columbus State's Sunday win in the women's soccer playoffs. If only those photographers had been used during the top story, we might actually have seen some expression on Mayor Jim Wetherington's face.

Al Fleming offered a commentary during WLTZ's 7:00 Report - but by then I was out jogging. I assume he patted his station on the back for launching a daily newscast, and bragged about how wonderfully different it will be from the other stations. Someone should challenge Fleming to name the other "Quad Cities" around Davenport.

The opening night of WLTZ news ended with a short late-night program called "11 @ 11." It repeated the top three stories from 6:00 (with songs still "sang"), gave you a short weather report - and included four-and-a-half minutes of commercials. The biggest news for me was the ad about a jewelry store going out of business.

It's probably not fair to rate a newscast or TV station by one evening. Things are bound to improve over time. But Monday's premiere of news on WLTZ probably left people smiling at WRBL - because there's finally a 6:00 and 11:00 newscast that's worse in the ratings than they are.

E-MAIL UPDATE: How can you watch all the local broadcast stations on satellite TV? A reader raised that question Monday, and another reader now responds:

Tell the Directv customer to be patient as locals will probably appear in 2008. They have launched one satellite (D10) successfully and another (D11) is scheduled for the 1st of the year that together with 2 other satelites (spaceway 1 & 2), there is supposed to be capacity for 1500 HD local stations. That should just about guarentee the Columbus stations will have an opportunity to be carried.

However, there are more pieces to the puzzle. While Directv may have the capacity, there has to be a local uplink center for the stations and there has to be an agreement between the local stations and Directv to carry them. Many large cities have missing HD locals due to disputes in compensation between them and Directv. You have to remember that Columbus is the #128 market out of #210, so there are some other larger markets ahead of us.

J.M.

This person comes across like he/she knows this topic well. If someone told me about a "spaceway," I'd guess that's where the Jetsons go to watch NASCAR races.

Now let's take off the "TV Critic" label and consider some news items TV newsrooms probably discussed on Monday:

+ WRBL reported the Columbus Water Board voted against tougher penalties, for customers who violate Georgia's watering restrictions. Maybe they plan a more secretive approach to punishment - like showing up late at night and spraying Krazy Glue over garden hoses.

+ SOA Watch announced Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich will appear at its rally outside Fort Benning next weekend. The "over-and-under" for how many UFO's Kucinich sees there is three-and-a-half.

+ TV preacher Creflo Dollar disclosed his Atlanta-area megachurch had about 69 million dollars in income last year. And then you wonder why some other ministers label him as a "prosperity gospel" preacher....

(Creflo Dollar told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution his congregation gave him a Rolls-Royce to drive. In Dollar's words: "Just because something is excessive doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong." This preacher obviously doesn't have Al Gore as a member.)

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths signed veteran defenseman Tom Wilson to a short-term contract. Wilson can't play Thursday or Friday nights, because he's working with the Columbus EMS. Then Saturday night, he may slug a Knoxville player right into his assigned ambulance.

+ Instant Message to the Atlanta Freethought Society: OK, so you oppose Governor Perdue holding an outdoor prayer meeting today. You probably oppose the one outside the Columbus Government Center, too. So what are YOU doing to bring rain?

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Roman Catholic officials announced Monday that Pope Benedict XVI will visit the Northeast U.S. next April. Some parts of the schedule remain uncertain. If the Writers' Guild strike isn't settled, the pope will have to find an alternative to appearing on "The Daily Show."

(Pope Benedict's U.S. tour will include a welcome at the White House, and an open-air mass at New York's Yankee Stadium. We're waiting for word about whether the New York Mets will postpone their baseball game that day, to obtain a special blessing.)

+ In another sign that the Writers' Guild strike could be lengthy, NBC's "Tonight Show" began showing reruns with Edd Hall as the announcer. I've lost track of Hall since he left Jay Leno - so has he won any reality game shows on cable?

+ House Speaker Nancy Pelosi called for Congressional hearings into a big oil spill in San Francisco Bay. San Francisco is Pelosi's home city - so could it be that she'll now prefer spills in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge instead?

+ A large fire broke out on the site of the 2012 London Olympics. There must be a better way to train British sprinters for the 100-meter dash....

+ Executives with E-Trade rejected financial analysts' suggestions that the company might have to file for bankruptcy. If it happens, I move the company be ordered to change its name downward to F-Trade.

+ Former Vice President Al Gore was hired by a venture capital firm in California's Silicon Valley. Maybe this means he'll get to put the "Energy Star" stickers on new computers.

(Al Gore admitted to National Public Radio he's concerned about television news giving more attention to "Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears" than to "complex choices" involved with climate change. He raises a valid point, you know. Who IS Spears endorsing for President, anyway?)

+ A CareerBuilder employee survey revealed one-third of the workers have called out sick during the last year, when they were really well. In related news, Republican Presidential candidates called on Democratic candidates to reduce their health care plans by 33 percent.

+ American Red Cross workers marked Veterans Day by handing out free doughnuts on the National Mall in Washington. NBC News explained the Red Cross was trying to atone for selling doughnuts to soldiers during World War II. That's funny - the Red Cross doesn't seem to apologize today, for selling donated blood to hospitals.

+ Elizabeth Hasselbeck called "The View," and announced her new baby boy is named Taylor. For a conservative Republican like Hasselbeck, this is simply shocking! That boy could grow up watching Taylor Swift sing country songs, and develop serious gender questions.

+ Country singer Toby Keith has been inducted into the Oklahoma state Hall of Fame. Don't bother asking anymore, Toby - they like you now.

+ The University of Wyoming's head football coach apologized, for making an obscene gesture with his hand toward the Utah bench last weekend. Let there be no doubt: this is NOT the way to tell your opponent they're the number-one team.

(Joe Glenn publicly guaranteed his Wyoming team would beat Utah last Saturday -- and Utah won 50-0. Let's all hope no one suggests Glenn give up coaching, and run for Congress.)

+ Boston Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia was named the American League Rookie of the Year. Pedroia reportedly played the last two months of the season with a broken bone in one hand -- which it turns out was better than the New York Yankees playing with a broken pitching staff.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1986 (+ 65, 3.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:21 AM

Monday, November 12, 2007

12 NOV 07: GETTING THERE FROM HERE

An interesting discussion erupted during the noon hour Sunday, at a gas station on Victory Drive. I walked inside to find a man giving detailed directions to someone from out of town. This station was run by the Dolly Madison bakery, so you're more likely to get directions on preparing whole wheat bread.

The man advised the out-of-towner to go past a few traffic lights. But I admittedly didn't pay much attention. I knew where I was going. And enough people were in line at the store that if I had spoken up, they would have told me to mind my own business.

After a moment, the tourist was out the door and on his way - and then the discussion began. The man had advised heading for Interstate 185, but a woman in the line said the tourist could have reached the very same place by going west and heading up Veterans Parkway. If another man had made that suggestion, we could have had a challenge race.

"But the man was trying to get to Buena Vista Road," the man explained -- apparently a place east of I-185.

"Well, that's different," the woman admitted. Since the tourist was male, he probably wouldn't be interested in the scenic route - not even on a Sunday.

But that didn't settle the discussion. Someone brought up the possibility of getting to Buena Vista Road via Cusseta Road, and presumably North Lumpkin Road. "It's just a couple of turns," that person said. Yes, if you count a "couple" as meaning four or five.

"But that would just confuse him," the first man said. "I tell people to go by the interstate, because everyone knows where that is." Unless you're an out-of-towner who might be confused by the fact that Interstate 185 never leaves the state of Georgia.

The first woman didn't want to debate this further. But she told a woman behind the station counter, "They've fouled up 185, anyway," The shoulders have been removed between Victory Drive and Saint Mary's Road - and it feels so tight that you don't dare try to pass a Fort Benning soldier in a Hummer.

By that time I was at the front of the line, so I prepaid for gas and went outside to fill up. But when I came back inside the station to buy some bread, the man who originally gave directions was still talking about it with an employee. You'd think the man was trying to talk his way into a job at the Columbus Welcome Center.

The station employee then said something about using Mapquest. Yes, that web site would work - but c'mon, this was Victory Drive. How many regulars on that street really can afford an iPhone?

What can we learn from this scene? I drew several conclusions from it. All gas stations along well-traveled routes such as Victory Drive should have maps, at least as a courtesy for visitors. But getting directions may be different from visiting a doctor -- as getting a second opinion might leave you thoroughly baffled.

Sports items dominate our review of the Sunday headlines:

+ WDAK confused sports fans with some of its programming. Tune in at one point, and you heard Columbus State starting a men's basketball game. Tune in 45 minutes later, and you heard Falcons football. I almost expected the biggest surprise of all to happen - a Georgia Tech broadcast.

+ The Columbus State women's soccer team won its second playoff game in a row, shutting out Carson-Newman 3-0. The Cougars must have been the lower seed, because they had to play two different teams....

(The Cougar attack was led by two goals from first-year player Stephanie Parrish. They could have won without her, I suppose - but Parrish the thought.)

+ The Atlanta Falcons scored a touchdown with 20 seconds left to collar Carolina 20-13. Believe it or not, the Falcons are only two games out of first place in the N.F.C. South - so maybe those prayer vigils for Michael Vick are working already, and he'll be quarterbacking the team in December while on probation.

(Morten Andersen kicked two field goals for Atlanta, making him the first player in National Football League history to score 2,500 points. He's scored more points in a 25-year career than Barack Obama might make in all his years of politics.)

+ Instate Message to the Atlanta Hawks: That was a bit of a slap - playing a home game at the same time the Falcons were on TV. Or were you trying to cleverly disguise another loss?

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: As if the Writers' Guild strike was not enough, stagehands went on strike over the weekend at theaters on Broadway. I'm already writing extra jokes every night - and now am I going to have to sing and dance as well?

+ Also in New York, Elizabeth Hasselbeck of "The View" gave birth to a baby boy. So much for taking a step toward peace, by naming a baby girl Rosie....

+ Which reminds me: Rosie O'Donnell admits talks have broken off with MSNBC for hosting a prime-time talk show. This seemed like the wrong channel all along, anyway. O'Donnell ought to be teamed with the "Queer Eye" guys on Bravo.

+ Former President Bush went skydiving in Texas over the weekend, at age 83. I'm admittedly baffled by this. Why would he want to illustrate his son's popularity level over the last three years?

+ The current President Bush welcomed German Chancellor Angela Merkel to his ranch in Texas. The dollar's value is so weak that every leader in the world may line up outside the White House over the next few weeks.

+ Across the U.S., people are marking Veterans Day - including a federal holiday today. How many young pro football players had to receive an explanation from their coaches, about why next Sunday is not Rookies Day?

+ A new book called "The Terrorist Watch" reveals an F.B.I. agent provided Saddam Hussein with a suit, for his trial in Iraq. [True/NBC] I'm a bit surprised Johnnie Cochran and his family didn't have any to spare....

(Saddam Hussein purportedly told that F.B.I. agent during debriefings that he pretended to stage rebellions inside Iraq, so he could trap his enemies and have them executed. How many office managers took note of that one, and plan to start some surprise whining today?)

+ Israeli authorities raided as many as 20 government offices. They're looking for evidence of fraud against Prime Minister Ehud Olmert. If he's learned anything from Saddam Hussein, all that evidence was quietly shipped into Syria months ago -- and maybe dropped on that mysterious factory.

+ A new $750 million tollway opened in Chicago - but for the first day, it was only open for bicycles. If crude oil prices keep increasing, of course, that could change....

+ The Sunday pro football schedule included Dallas downing the Giants 31-20. The Cowboys won despite a taunting penalty on what could have been the last play of the first half, which led to a Giants field goal. Only after the game could we confirm Terrell Owens did NOT change shirts and play defense.

(Would you believe Terrell Owens is now one of the captains of the Dallas Cowboys? Last year at this time, he seemed like a more likely candidate for captain of a mental hospital's fantasy league.)

+ Jimmie Johnson captured his fourth NASCAR race in a row, winning the Checker Auto Parts 500 in Phoenix. Johnson is the favorite to clinch his second Nextel Cup in a row next Sunday - and then people will start wondering who is that pretending has-been on "Fox NFL Sunday."

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.95 a gallon at Dolly Madison on Victory Drive.... FREE dinner for military personnel and veterans from 5:00-9:00 p.m. at Golden Corral.... and maybe some leftover pom-poms in the South Commons parking lot, after the cheerleading championships....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1921 (- 95, 4.7%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:11 AM

Sunday, November 11, 2007

11 NOV 07: THE 45 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

This normally would be the place for wishing you a happy Veterans Day. But I guess I'm not supposed to do that - because one Columbus radio station was playing Christmas music Saturday night. And "Frosty the Snowman" didn't even have a march tempo, to blend the holidays together.

Yes, WGSY "Sunny 100 FM" is at it again -- playing Christmas songs nearly two weeks before Thanksgiving, and more than six weeks before Christmas. What's the goal of this? To break the drought, by having everyone sing "Let It Snow?"

I discovered what ~~Snowy~~ Sunny 100 FM was doing quite by accident. I had headphones on for a Saturday twilight run at Idle Hour Park, and was switching between the Auburn and Georgia broadcasts of the football game. But suddenly I heard big band music from around 1950 -- and it was even out of place for "A Prairie Home Companion."

Within five minutes, I was told in song that Santa Claus would come tonight -- about a week before he's supposedly showing up at Peachtree Mall. But I suppose it could be worse. We haven't been overrun with ads for Presidential primaries, which are still three months away.

Assuming Sunny 100 FM plays non-stop Christmas tunes from now until December 25, the station will spend more than 12 percent of the year playing such music. And for all I know, they might have snuck in a "Totally December Weekend" during the summer when I wasn't paying attention....

But to be fair, Sunny 100 FM isn't the only place in Columbus where they're jumping the holiday gun. Target wasted no time after Halloween, putting Christmas displays up November 1. When I shopped for groceries there Friday, the store hadn't even bothered putting out any stuffing for my Thanksgiving turkey.

(Oh yes, I also bought some groceries at Piggly Wiggly - where they're holding the "Santa-palooza" giveaway already. We thank Bear O'Brien for not saying "ho-ho-ho" to any callers so far.)

And you may have noticed there's a new movie out this weekend called "Fred Claus." I keep waiting for the films which take this story in the other direction - claiming Santa Claus is related to Santa Fe or Santa Barbara.

But keep something in mind, as you grumble about this rushing of holidays - Columbus has become notorious for it. The late Lonnie Jackson started a tradition of holding patriotic events well before they were scheduled. The Combined Communities of Southeast Columbus staged its Veterans Day program November 3 - daring to think it could compete with the Fountain City Classic.

(The city of Columbus was a bit closer to the actual date, holding a Veterans Day program outside the Government Center Friday. This way, the big day is left open for billiard and dart tournaments at the V.F.W. hall.)

We know people are annoyed about radio stations playing Christmas music so early, because our voters said so in a Big Blog Question two years ago. Yet Clear Channel seems to make it a point to start holiday songs early at its stations across the country. To my knowledge, listeners have rebelled in only one city - so perhaps today's adult pop music is so drab that few others notice a difference.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now we move from radio to television....

Hi Richard,

First of all, I'm glad you're finding CHC so satisfying. It's a great place to be.

As you seem to be 'in the know' about so many local issues, I was wondering if you or one of your readers knew the reason why DirecTV and Dish Network don't offer the broadcast networks in the Columbus area? They advertise that they offer broadcast networks in over 98% of the country. Why is Columbus left out? I'm asking because after spending a small fortune for a HD DVR, receivers, and a HD dish, I find that I won't be getting ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, WB or PBS, as I was promised ... and I won't be getting refund from DirecTV either as they had to 'activate' the service to determine if I would get the local stations or not in the first place. They won't offer the Atlanta channels either, unless you can get an impossible to get waiver from each and every Columbus local station stating you can't get them via rabbit-ears. Do they even make Rabbit-ears anymore? I guess that's what "progress has preserved".

Maybe the Applebee's down the road playing WSB-TV News at Noon knows something I don't.

JR - Columbus

First things first: CHC stands for Cascade Hills Church. But as we mentioned last Monday, I'm taking a break for awhile from attending church there - so you'll have to watch WLTZ to get your weekly dose of jokes from Pastor Bill Purvis.

I don't claim to be an expert on satellite TV, so I'll defer to one Columbus station's explanation of the situation. The big satellite companies apparently don't realize Columbus exists -- and right now Columbus Water Works wishes the state of Georgia didn't know it, either.

I had to buy "rabbit ears" (a.k.a. an antenna) for my TV set several years ago, because I don't have cable or satellite service. Cable is SUCH a passing fad, you know....

Electronics stores should have home antennas for sale -- but they're probably more likely to remind you of the new digital TV you're going to need about 15 months from now. So ask if they sell digital antennas. It would look a lot more interesting to have a giant number 1 sticking up toward the ceiling -- and if your favorite sports team is in first place, so much the better.

Which reminds me -- Instant Message to Smokey Bones Barbeque: Thank you, oh thank you!! You were able to call up Saturday night's Kansas football game for me! My old alma mater outscored Oklahoma State 43-28, leaving Kansas as the only unbeaten major college football team in the mainland U.S. Now can we ask New Zealand to invade Hawaii for a few weeks?

Smokey Bones amazed me even more by offering a little box, where I could tune in the sound of any game on their multiple screens around the bar. The good news was that I could follow the play-by-play action of Kansas's win. The bad news was that the play-by-play voice was Brent Musberger - and he seemed much too interested in T. Boone Pickens giving all his money to Oklahoma State.

Columbus native Dontrell Savage had an OK game (pun) for Oklahoma State, in the loss to Kansas. The ABC announcers noted recruiters didn't think of him when he played for Jordan High School, because he stands no taller than five-foot-eight. In other words, his size matched that of the football program....

Now let's see what else was in our view this weekend:

+ Which driver made a U-turn in the middle of 13^th Street downtown, between Broadway and First Avenue? On a Saturday afternoon, he was able to get away with this. On a typical Friday afternoon, the backup from the collision would have lasted for hours.

+ Columbus police reported they found a "bottle bomb" outside the CVS store on Warm Springs Road. Apparently this refers to a real explosive device - not some celebrity perfume which no one is buying....

+ Georgia ate up Auburn in college football 45-20. The Bulldogs wore black shirts, and asked all its fans to do the same for a "Blackout Saturday." If the Atlanta Falcons keep losing games, they'll have plenty of Blackout Sundays - as in no local TV, because the tickets aren't sold.

+ Mercer University's basketball team upset nationally-ranked Southern California 96-81. The last time Macon, Georgia had this much impact in Los Angeles, the family of Otis Redding was selling a movie script about his life.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: There was no current "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live this weekend, because of the writers' strike. So perhaps we should begin this section by saying: Hello, I'm a comedy writer - and you're not.

+ The drug-maker Merck agreed to pay almost five billion dollars in a settlement, to people who took Vioxx. Plenty of lawyers ran commercials, urging Vioxx patients to sue - since we all know that's the a-Merck-ian way.

+ Heather Mills dropped her British legal team, in her divorce from Paul McCartney. So it's THEIR fault that Mills had that live fit on British television - by not keeping a muzzle around her at all times.

+ Reports from Hollywood indicated Britney Spears has bought a new car. It's a Mercedes SL65, with a 604 horsepower V-12 engine [True/Interprep.com] - which will look great with Kevin Federline behind the wheel, when her child support payments start piling up.

+ A Japanese company unveiled a new twist on the piggy bank. It's called the "savings bomb" - and if you don't put money in it for awhile, it pretends to blow up and opens its doors. [True/Marketplace] It's about time someone did this! It's so hard to shake pennies out of that little piggy bank slot, when you're checking out at the store.

+ Then there's the restaurant in New York City which introduced a chocolate sundae costing $25,000. It comes with gold and diamonds -- but for that price, I don't want to pay extra to clean the syrup off those gems.

+ The top team in college football was upset at home, as Illinois edged Ohio State 28-21. When you're ranked number one, it's truly an "ILL wind" that blows no good....

(Illinois won due to four touchdown passes by a quarterback named Juice Williams. At last there's a new "juice" in college football - and we hope he doesn't go to Las Vegas and hire a team of assistants.)

+ Meanwhile, Air Force bombed Notre Dame 44-24 - leaving Notre Dame 1-9 for the year. It's become so bad that Regis Philbin is starting to call the coach "Charlie Not-So-Weis."

+ The world championship of Scrabble is underway this weekend in Mumbai, India. They should change the rules, to let players put the names of Indian cities on the board - because Mumbai in the right spot could get you about 40 points.

(If you think about it, Scrabble is a game about relationships. "I" am worth one, "me" is worth four - but at the end of the day, "we" and "us" seem to be a lot more important.)

+ The young man who once appeared in the "Dude, you're getting a Dell" computer commercials was spotted in New York. Ben Curtis now works as a restaurant waiter [True/Interprep.com] - so if you see him, I dare you to say: "Dude, you're not getting a tip."

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2016 (+ 75, 3.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 2:27 AM

Friday, November 09, 2007

for 10 NOV 07: BREAKING NOOSE

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts from time to time, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath.)

How many civil rights leaders must be wondering what they started? Ever since the "Jena Six" rally in Louisiana in September, sightings of nooses seem to have jumped across the country. It makes me thankful I never learned to even tie a square knot in the Cub Scouts.

The latest case of a "noose in the news" came this past week at Hardaway High School. A senior and a freshman were suspended at least ten days, for allegedly making a noose and tossing it at two African-American students. As far as I know, Hardaway has NO rodeo team which would justify this....

One of the suspended Hardaway students supposedly explained he wasn't trying to make a noose -- he was making a "painter's knot," like people would use for a boat. But when we did a Google search for "painter's knot," about all we found were news stories about this incident. So apparently painters don't even make special knots for their ladders.

The suspended Hardaway students will face a school district tribunal next week, and could face even tougher punishment. Yet there's still no word of any punishment for the noose at a Columbus State University Halloween display. It's becoming clear that the campus's new NAACP chapter hasn't started yet - either that, or it's following the example of the local Rainbow/PUSH chapter.

Phenix City's Sin City Inquisition and Bar-B-Q blog (an ironic name for a topic like this) argued the other day that the fuss over nooses is a matter of political correctness. African-American people see the noose as a symbol of racial hatred and slavery. Other people groups might see it differently - such as the people in Iraq who celebrated when Saddam Hussein was hanged.

My Pastor for years contended that a thing is NOT wrong - but the way a thing is used can be. Tied one way, a rope can be a useful tool. Tied another way, we're learning it can hurt people's emotions and feelings. And depending on whether you win a tug-of-war, it can go either way....

What looks like "political correctness" in one person's eyes can be a matter of sensitivity and offensiveness in another's. As someone who tries to follow Jesus's example, it can be a challenging line to walk. The Bible's book of James tells me only perfect people "offend not in word" - so we can cross Don Imus off the perfection list, for one.

Yet Psalm 119 in the King James Version says about people who love the law of God: "nothing shall offend them." Other translations say nothing shall make them stumble. So believers need to develop a resiliency to offensive things. The challenge is in having a thick skin, without also having a hard heart.

The apostle Paul was so concerned about offending people that he warned in I Corinthians 8 against it. "If I hurt one of the Lord's followers by what I eat," the Contemporary English Version says, "I will never eat meat as long as I live." And you wondered where the sudden growth of vegetarianism came from.,..

The bottom-line concept in all of this seems to be this: we should regard other people above ourselves. And in fact, the Bible recommends that in Philippians 2. There were hangman's nooses around back then -- except they were supposed to be used only to kill guilty people, instead of dragging people before judges and tribunals.

If you're really concerned about other people and their feelings, why would you need to tie a rope into a noose - and especially leave it out where others might get wrong ideas from it? The case at Hardaway High School shows some people need to think before they act in this way. Otherwise, offenders might find they've left just enough rope to hang themselves.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1941 (- 293, 13.1%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 11:21 PM

9 NOV 07: WATER UNDER THE PERISCOPE

Thursday was a sunny, cool and comfortable day in Columbus - but once again it didn't rain. If this keeps up much longer, people will start calling Russell a "dry county."

The public water feud between Georgia and Alabama seems to have calmed down for now. But have you wondered where Florida stands? After all, all the water which flows down the Chattahoochee River through Columbus winds up there. I'm still not sure how many mussels they send to Columbus seafood shops in response.

We thank a blog reader for sending us some e-mail being passed around the Florida panhandle. They explain why Floridians don't want the flow of water down the Chattahoochee River reduced. And amazingly, the word "kayak" doesn't appear once in any of it.

The primary e-mail purportedly was sent by a "fishing guide" service in Apalachicola to Florida Governor Charlie Crist -- who we must say looked the most dashing, among all the politicians who gathered in Washington a couple of weeks ago. If the writers' strike keeps up, Crist could star in a reality series to replace "CSI: Miami."

But anyway: a woman who helps run a fishing guide service writes this e-mail -- and keep in mind that the Chattahoochee River changes names at the Florida line:

Most of the 30 or so fishing guides that we book trips for not only make their living taking people fishing but they are also 3rd & 4th generation Oystermen, shrimpers, commercial fishermen, etc. (Most people who live here find it necessary to hold 2 or 3 jobs - My husband & I are also realtors) Their wives and families depend on the health of the Apalachicola River to sustain a way of life that is barely up to poverty standards in most other communities. This entire county is predominately based on seafood and fishing which attracts tourism. Even a foot less water sent down the Apalachicola River will have a devastating effect on life here as we know it, now and for future generations. We are also experiencing a major drought situation and are making do as necessary. If you allow Atlanta, due to their poor forethought and lack of planning to keep the water that we must have to keep the estuary alive, the entire Gulf of Mexico will be horribly negatively effected, not just the oyster industry, which has already felt the effects of the drought. Please do your homework, listen to the marine biologists who regularly study our pristine estuary which is the nursery to the gulf of mexico and please, please don't sell us down the river!!

Apalachicola is in Gulf County, which my road atlas shows is almost entirely swampland. So you'd think the drought would give local realtors a lot more land to sell, to make extra money.

There's a national wildlife refuge near the mouth of the Apalachicola River - so I would guess fishing is limited in that area already. But there's nothing like a drought to make even the oyster market clam up....

But isn't it a bit of a stretch to claim less Chattahoochee River water will harm "the entire Gulf of Mexico?" The gulf is rather big, stretching from southwest Florida to eastern Mexico. And don't we need to leave some room for all that melting polar ice water, from global warming?

Of course, Georgia officials would say the water-sharing problem is NOT due to a lack of planning. They blame the Army Corps of Engineers for bad lake measurements and faulty figuring. There's a reason why you don't see Corps members working the sidelines at football games.

The funny thing is that Chattahoochee River water flows to a lake in Gulf County, Florida, north of Apalachicola - and it's called "Dead Lake." For water from Dead Lake to have such a major "effect on life" sounds like something from the TV series "Six Feet Under."

Attached to this e-mail is a "community message" from the Apalachicola Bay Area Chamber of Commerce, as well as an "Oyster and Seafood Industry Task Force." It starts by saying the river needs my help NOW -- but don't worry, I have no plans to swim in it.

Facts: The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers has proposed cutting current water flows out of Georgia by 517 million gallons a day -- starting in 2 weeks. That would lower the river level by another foot from the already record low. The river is dangerously salty and we have already lost many oyster beds in the western part of the bay.

Even worse, under the proposed change Georgia would get to keep more water in reservoirs even after the drought breaks. If Gov. Crist does not stop the new plan, river flows could stay at the current low levels for years, even if storms dump gallons of rain on Georgia. That could be a death sentence for the river and bay, and cause many, many people to lose their jobs.

Florida officials say Gov. Crist has not agreed to the plan, but Crist and some other Florida politicians are being awfully quiet -- silent, almost -- about the threat our river and bay faces. Many news reports and knowledgeable sources in government say that Gov. Crist did agree to some sort of deal last week in Washington, when he met with the governors of Georgia and Alabama. Unfortunately, both those states now support a reduction in the flow to the river.

Georgia has successfully convinced many people that the city of Atlanta is about to run out of water. Georgia officials did not enact any water conservation measures until October. In fact, according to the Corps of Engineers, Lake Lanier has about 280 days of water left - even if there is no rain at all. Plus, there are other options for Atlanta.

Call or email Gov. Crist and our federal officials and tell them to adamantly oppose any cuts in the water flow for the Apalachicola River.

Of all the arguments I've heard in this fight, this is the first time I've heard the river declared salty. Now we may have to conserve not only how much water we use, but how much popcorn and pretzels we eat.

The Florida faction fears any change in the water-sharing plan will be permanently in Georgia's favor. Maybe the answer is to have some kind of "adjustable rate" of water flow - but hasn't that sort of thinking led to thousands of foreclosed houses?

To claim Georgia "did not enact any water conservation measures until October" is a bit misleading. Columbus and all of North Georgia have been under odd-even watering schedules for years. Even if a deluge comes next week, there still will be plenty of work for ChemLawn to keep front yards painted green.

Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue is challenging the revised Corps of Engineers measurement about how much water is in Lake Lanier. He says the Corps is counting "dead pools," which he doubts contain drinkable water. I knew the governor flew helicopters, but I've never anyone describe him as a scuba diver.

As the great Southeast water fight continues, a surprising news story emerged Thursday in Talbot County. A woman plans to begin selling bottled water, from a spring that's been running on her family's property for 120 years. How did they hide this from Georgia governors for so long?

Mary Ogletree's spring is located in a fitting place - the little town of Box Springs. When I first moved to Columbus, I wondered if that town gained its name from making beds....

Mary Ogletree plans to put "Kelly Springs" water on sale next year. That could well be the name of the spring, but I'm wondering if it's appropriate. Her local competition will be Callaway Blue - so will confused shoppers think Kelly Springs water is green?

Mary Ogletree plans to sell more than spring water. Her Kelly Springs brands will include Sweet Georgia Nectars, and "Diva Tea." I can't wait to see Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears carry that around Hollywood, and prove what most of us have suspected for years.

State Senator Ed Harbison attended the announcement ceremony for Kelly Springs water. He said it's "absolutely wonderful" that Mary Ogletree is selling her spring water - which is interesting, because her family gave away the water for free during another drought in the 1960's. Is Harbison turning into a profit-loving Republican on us?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Thursday's InBox also included a comment about a recent scare at Columbus State University:

I can't believe there was not more coverage of the older student at CSU who made the bomb threats..I sure am thankful the didn't get to use the 2 rifles,2handguns and compound bow and 100 round of ammo found in his car in a CSU parking lot...THANKS CAMPUS COPS!!..Maybe he was headed to Northside Pawn for a little turkey day money..

This suspected college bomber is a man in his mid-forties, who's majoring in biology. You have to admit that using a handgun to dissect a frog would be a groundbreaking approach....

The attorney for suspect Lawrence Price claims all the weapons and ammunition were in his vehicle because he loves to hunt. It's enough to make the Columbus State University mascot go into hiding for a few days.

But Thursday's Ledger-Enquirer reported Lawrence Price has confessed to making bomb threats -- and supposedly did it because he needed more time to prepare for a test. Not even Brian Nichols in Atlanta has stooped to that level....

Now let's take aim at some Thursday news headlines:

+ The low temperature in Columbus was 31 degrees F., giving the city its earliest freeze in 14 years. I hope you cold-weather fans enjoyed it -- because if the Georgia House Speaker gets his way, there won't even be a property tax freeze in Columbus much longer.

+ WRBL spotted several new signs along the Columbus Riverwalk which say: "Caution - alligator habitat." This raises a big and obvious question. How long were these signs posted before the Georgia-Florida football game?

+ Columbus Mayor Jim Wetherington received the "Eagle Award of Excellence" from the Georgia Department of Corrections, for his years as Commissioner. I'm a bit surprised he didn't also receive an award from Sheriff Ralph Johnson - because hiring away Sheriff Gene Hodge to be an aide in Atlanta was the best career jump Johnson's ever had.

+ A going-away roast was held for Russell County Emergency Management Director Chance Corbett. One speaker revealed Corbett once wrecked a sheriff's patrol car. Apparently Sheriff Tommy Boswell had mercy on him - because the Phenix City Manager might have had him arrested for reckless driving.

+ The organizers of God Bless Fort Benning announced Dr. Laura Schlessinger will appear next weekend. Now hold on here. "Dr. Laura" is making a public appearance on a Saturday - the "Jewish Sabbath"?! She must not be as hardline Orthodox as she sounds on radio.

+ The group Phenix City Beautiful presented an award to the new CharBroil restaurant, for being completely smoke-free. I'm assuming the staff checked the kitchen carefully, and made sure the chef doesn't even use liquid smoke....

+ Alabama election officials announced Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich did NOT qualify for the state's Presidential primary. That's a shame, because you'd think a lot of Alabamians would vote for Kucinich - the ones who have seen UFO's, just like he has.

+ Carver hammered Hardaway 47-12, to finish the high school football regular season 10-0. I'm starting to think the Carver Tigers should add an extra contest next fall - and challenge the winner of the Morehouse Maroon Tiger-Tuskegee Golden Tiger game.

+ Instant Message to anyone wondering if I made it three wins in the last four poker nights Thursday: I'll keep the answer brief - from first to worst. And I don't mean I ate bratwurst.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Our focus continues to widen nationally, because the Writers' Guild remains on strike. That means no late-night monologues - and as Jay Leno noted along a picket line the other day: "Do you notice suddenly how unfunny I am?" Fans of David Letterman's talk show would argue that problem started about 15 years ago.

+ A Roman Catholic priest was arrested, on charges of stalking "Late Night" host Conan O'Brien. If this charge is true, it's truly sad - because I don't think O'Brien is anywhere near as young as this priest might think.

+ Organizers of next year's Beijing Olympics denied rumors that Bibles will be banned from the games. Most of the world's pole vaulters and platform divers are breathing a big sigh of relief today....

+ ABC News reported the Taliban seems to have taken control of Pakistan's "Swat Valley." President Pervez Musharraf will have trouble reclaiming this area - since it likely has Swat teams all over the place.

(Have you noticed the video from Pakistani TV of President Musharraf? There are numbers constantly on the left side of the screen - and those numbers update the score of a World Cup cricket match, between Pakistan and India! So if you see "target 322," it's NOT a secret code for aiming nuclear weapons.)

+ We learned at post time that former Pakistan Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto has been placed under house arrest. This could lead to a replay of what happened several years ago -- when she left the country, and became Benazir Booted.

+ NBC's Ann Curry became probably the first journalist in history to reach the South Pole. Television news can't possibly get much lower than this. At least not on a map....

+ O.J. Simpson appeared in a Las Vegas courtroom for a preliminary hearing. Someday a cable news channel will take the obvious next step in its coverage of this story - and have Minute Maid sponsor "O.J."

+ Former New York Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik was indicted. One-time colleague turned Presidential candidate Rudolph Giuliani responded by saying when he was New York Mayor, "I made about 100,000 decisions.... some of them were wrong." Don't you wonder what Giuliani's two former wives thought of that comment?

+ An audit by the National Archives revealed as many as 80,000 items are missing from the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. I didn't think Republican candidates needed good-luck charms....

+ Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke told a Congressional hearing the U.S. economy is likely to slow markedly in the coming months. In fact, the higher price of gasoline might make drivers slow down markedly - to get better mileage.

+ A sheriff's deputy in Norfolk, Virginia was declared the tallest man in the U.S. by the Guinness Book of Records. George Bell stands seven-foot-eight - and when he gets home from work, he'll probably have messages on his answering machine from several pro basketball teams.

+ College basketball fans were abuzz about a huge opening-week upset. Kentucky lost at home by 16 points to Gardner-Webb. I never knew Spud Webb had started his own college - much less a basketball team.

+ Ryan Seacrest tried to set the record, uh, straight about his private life. He told ABC's "Nightline" he is NOT gay. OK - but has Seacrest ever appeared with Senator Larry Craig?

+ Two women told the TMZ telecast they saw George Clooney shove Fabio in the chest, at a Los Angeles restaurant. To borrow from Fabio's famous commercial: I can't believe Clooney's not battered.

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: Thoughts about stupid rope tricks.... a question about satellite TV.... and will some sports bar PLEASE show the Kansas-Oklahoma State game?....

Today's main topic came in part from a blog reader's tip. To offer a story tip, advertise to our readers, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2234 (+ 59, 2.7%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:23 AM

Thursday, November 08, 2007

8 NOV 07: MISTAKE BY THE LAKE

Now don't get the wrong idea here -- we're not blogging about Cleveland today. We're talking about a new Columbus city map, which has some people in one neighborhood annoyed. And no, it's not because Bibb City is highlighted as if it's still a separate town....

Between Columbus ~~International~~ Metro Airport and Weems Road is a small body of water called Lake Heath. There's a narrow park on either side of the lake called Heath Park - and it would only make sense if a small concession stand opened in the park, selling Heath candy bars.

(So we're clear: this is NOT the small lake you see on the south side of Weems Road, between Whittlesey Boulevard and Blanchard Elementary School. That lake sometimes looks so brown, I wonder if Columbus Foundry employees visit it after work.)

But it turns out the land around Lake Heath now is considered a floodplain, based on assessments by the Federal Emergency Management Agency -- assessments which some residents around the lake consider a mistake. For one thing, FEMA doesn't seem to have noticed we're in a drought....

Columbus city engineers told WRBL Wednesday FEMA used aerial maps and some outside figuring in September, and concluded the Lake Heath neighborhood is a floodplain. That means homeowners nearby face a choice: either buy flood insurance , or hope Governor Sonny Perdue claims the lake for Atlanta's water supply.

Some homeowners around Lake Heath decided to apply for flood insurance - and their bills now total more than $1,000. Imagine how much homeowners around Lake Oliver and Lake Harding must be paying. After all, those lakes actually are still almost full.

But there's one thing FEMA apparently missed in preparing its new floodplain map. There's a spillway for diverting excess water from Lake Heath, so flooding is very unlikely. The spillway must not be that visible from the air -- and no children have put wading pools there, to help point it out.

The city of Columbus now plans to spend about $30,000 to have a new map made, so the Lake Heath spillway is noted. That means the floodplain designation will become like so much water in Georgia this year -- and it'll evaporate.

Columbus has several other small lakes you might not know about. The lake at Flat Rock Park flows below Manchester Expressway, into another one called Anthony Lake. Why Councilor Wayne Anthony hasn't called news conferences there to talk about water conservation, I have no idea....

Not much other local news thrilled us Wednesday, but here's what did....

+ A freeze warning was issued for the Columbus area - and that meant the pilot light for my wall heater was fired up for another winter. There's a big difference between Atlanta and Columbus, when it comes to this. In Atlanta, the heater comes on when pro basketball season starts. In Columbus, you wait one more week.

+ Carmike Cinemas stock lost almost 20 percent of its value, closing at a 52-week low of $12.32. Did the managers really think "In the Valley of Elah" would make THAT much money?

+ A special report by WXTX "News at Ten" showed Popeye's on River Road has the lowest health inspection score in Columbus, at 77. This is what can happen when Popeye's stops using Olive Oyl....

+ Instant Message to WKCN "Kissin' 99.3": Do you really mean that? I mean, the TV commercial which says you only play music "made in America?" Does that mean Australia's Keith Urban is banned from your station?

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: We continue to fill the "joke gap" while the Writers' Guild is on strike. You may have seen the union march on the set of "Desperate Housewives," chanting: "We write the story-a/ For Eva Longoria." So?! Let's see them come up with a rhyme for "CSI:NY" star Melina Kanakaredes.

+ The new President of France toured Washington. President Bush gave Nicolas Sarkozy a tour of George Washington's Mount Vernon home -- and hopefully did NOT bring up the fact that a horse named George Washington was put to sleep two weeks ago, at the Breeder's Cup.

(NBC's Brian Williams claimed at a White House dinner, the divorcing French President "went stag." Stag?! You don't even hear deer hunters use a word like that anymore....)

+ President Bush announced he'd called Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf. Mr. Bush says he told the Asian leader, among other things: "You need to take off your uniform." Our President probably has said this before, you know - when he owned baseball's Texas Rangers.

(President Bush explained the President of Pakistan cannot double as head of the armed forces. He learned that the hard way, of course - and also learned you can't even pass that military title over to Donald Rumsfeld.)

+ Pat Robertson of "The 700 Club" endorsed Republican Rudolph Giuliani for President. Somewhere on the campaign trail, minister and candidate Mike Huckabee flipped through his Bible to figure out what law he's breaking.

+ CBS News reported some "super-delegates" already have been chosen in the Democratic Presidential race. Hillary Rodham Clinton leads among them -- so Barack Obama may be a "rock star" candidate, but he's not a superstar.

+ The Federal Trade Commission fined Craftmatic beds more than four million dollars, for violating the "do not call" rules for telemarketers. Wow - Select Comfort's numbers don't even get above 100.

+ "Inside Edition" reported WellPoint executive David Colby has so many lovers scattered across the country, he may have 51 fiances. As a single guy, I only have one thing to say to this man. Ever heard of sharing?!?!

+ Tabloids from New York to London claimed Paul McCartney is in love with Nancy Striding, the estranged wife of a New York attorney. But why should we believe these newspapers? We'll do what McCartney suggested in a song long ago - and listen to what the man says.

+ Newly-released court papers in Los Angeles revealed Britney Spears has been ordered to pay Kevin Federline $120,000, to help with his legal bills. Well, at least he's legal. Sometimes we wonder about her....

+ TMZ reported Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie might be interested in buying Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch. In an odd way, this makes sense - since "Pax" sounds like a name which fits better on one of Jackson's monkeys.

+ The Country Music Association Awards were presented in Nashville. Kenny Chesney was named Entertainer of the Year. Sugarland ended Brooks and Dunn's long run as Vocal Duo of the Year. And was it just me, or did Miranda Lambert look like she'd shuffled her feet and touched 100 doorknobs?

The CMA Male Vocalist of the Year was Brad Paisley, while the Female Vocalist was Carrie Underwood. The female category surprised me a bit - because based on the Entertainer of the Year candidates at all the awards shows this year, I figured a couple of men would have been nominated.

(Did you hear one of the winning writers of the CMA Song of the Year, "Give It Away"? He thanked his ex-wife, for being a great mother to his children! It sounds like he's preparing a song for Kenny Chesney to sing at next year's awards show.)

+ There was sad news before the CMA's (which the telecast sadly never mentioned), as country singer Hank Thompson died at 82. I still have a vinyl LP of Thompson tunes, passed down through my family - but it's a bit strange, as it includes Thompson singing the "Beer Barrel Polka." Big and Rich probably would drink beer from a barrel, but they'd stop there.

+ The latest Nielsen ratings showed eight of the top 15 programs on cable television last week were episodes of "SpongeBob SquarePants." So when does Bill O'Reilly plan to declare him a danger to national security?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2175 (+ 51, 2.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 1:14 AM

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

7 NOV 07: TAD-POLLS

It's good to be back, after a one-day blogging suspension. And we're happy to report the "Repo Man" from Bill Heard Chevrolet has NOT shown up, to seize that $50 gift card....

We're back just in time to review Election Day results from around the area. By a margin of 51 to 49 percent, Columbus voters rejected the creation of Tax Allocation Districts. This could be enough to spark Bert Coker to launch yet another write-in campaign for mayor.

Mayor Jim Wetherington openly admitted he voted for the TAD question. He said it would be a "win-win" situation for Columbus. So is this scored as a loss-loss - even if it was the only question on the ballot?

Some voters admitted they voted against the TAD question primarily because they didn't understand it. It's easy to point fingers at them - until I stop and realize that's part of the reason why I'm not married yet.

It's not like Columbus city officials didn't try to explain Tax Allocation Districts. The city arranged for Columbus State University to hold four public forums around town on the question - and they were carefully arranged to fall on nights when there weren't any big high school football games.

But perhaps too many voters were like one "no" voter who spoke on the evening news. He said he's concerned the mayor and city council "may not be aware of what.... is going on in this town." Well, that depends. I don't know how many councilors have newspaper subscriptions.

TV newscasts kept showing me a gutted building at Eighth Street and Eighth Avenue, as an example of what Tax Allocation Districts would accomplish. But didn't Allen Woodall once have big plans to renovate that building, as part of a new look for the Liberty District? Or did that new International Flea Market beat him to the tacky punch?

The TAD turn-down comes on the heels of Phenix City voters rejecting a property tax for schools in August. There could be a lesson here for politicians across metro Columbus - better surly early than late.

There was one small glitch with the voting process in Columbus Tuesday. Ballot materials for Hardaway High School and Midland Academy were mixed up, and sent to the wrong places. That might not have been a bad idea for this football season, though.

In Election Day contests outside Columbus, Talbotton voters reelected three City Council members -- despite the revelations about big city debts. Wow, maybe that old game show was right. It DOES pay to be ignorant....

(One of the Talbotton City Council members to win reelection was Fred Cotton. Voters may have decided his last name was too vital for reinforcing the city's Southern reputation.)

West Point had a surprise at the polls Tuesday night, as Mayor Billy Head was ousted by Drew Ferguson. Head has led the efforts to bring the Kia factory to this area - so was this a vote against Kia? Are all the Ford owners somehow hoping a new mayor will bring a merger?

We actually have two days' worth of news to review today, so let's get to it....

+ The overnight forecast in Columbus called for a low of 38 degrees F., prompting me to bring my plant in from the front porch. Take that, Columbus Water Works! Now I can pour a half-cup of water on the plant every day, without worrying about spies reporting me.

+ Former WXTX news anchor Roszell Gadson cleared up some rumors, by telling your blog he has NOT been hired to anchor WLTZ's new newscast. OK, now to the next rumor - where has WRBL hidden Creshon Saunders?

+ Columbus Council approved new rules requiring operators of city-owned heavy machinery to turn off their engines, instead of letting them run for more than five minutes. This should save on fuel and, reduce pollution. But on the other hand, it lowers the chances for a dump truck drag race at construction sites.

+ Panasonic confirmed it will close the battery side of its Columbus plant by March, and lay off more than 200 workers. The reaction of employees was predictable for a battery factory - going from positive to negative.

+ Phenix City Councilor Ray Bush was cleared of sexual harassment charges. The bench trial before a Lee County Judge was over in an hour - making you wonder why Bush's accuser didn't write Judge Judy, and get it settled even faster.

+ The RiverCenter completed a two-night stand by the national touring company of the musical "Hairspray." Hopefully the management has prepared a follow-up event for customers - with a special showing of the Warren Beatty movie "Shampoo."

+ Georgia ministers Creflo Dollar and Eddie Long denied to the "CBS Evening News" they've mishandled donations. They're among several TV preachers under a U.S. Senate investigation - and of course, any minister with a last name of Dollar comes under immediate suspicion.

+ Camden, Alabama police arrested a man who broke into a building and stole $500. The building he selected was the city's police headquarters. This is why Governor Riley is so concerned about improving reading scores....

+ Georgia football coach Mark Richt urged fans to wear black to Saturday's showdown against Auburn. The better for mourning if the Bulldogs lose, I suppose....

(I'm a bit surprised Mark Richt doesn't urge fans to send a moving tribute to Larry Munson - by wearing silver britches.)

+ Texas A&M football coach Dennis Franchione denied rumors that his contract might be bought out, so the university can go after Auburn's Tommy Tuberville. How strange would this be?! If the Alabama coach can't get the job done, you hire away his competition?

(And what sort of amazing justice would it be for Tuberville - to have officials from a university make a secret trip to hire him, instead of fire him?)

+ Instant Message to WHAL "Viva 1460": ¡Que bueno! Now that's a better music mix. With the weather turning colder, it's time for some more spicy salsa....

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: With the Writers' Guild on strike, there are no current late-night comedy monologues. So this non-union blog will bravely fill the gap, with jokes about national and world news you might be missing. We did this with "LaughLine" for almost three years - only we had the audacity to ask people to pay for it.

+ CNN reported Pakistan's government may have arrested one-fourth of the country's lawyers, under a state of emergency. In related news, the American Medical Association may declare President Pervez Musharraf its "Man of the Year."

(Did you see all the attorneys fighting police in the streets of Pakistan? The last time I saw lawyers fighting like that, they were racing to the scene of a 20-car pileup.)

+ The head of Pakistan's Supreme Court reported he's under virtual house arrest. Somewhere aides to Al Gore mumbled, "Why didn't WE think of that?"

+ The Senate Judiciary Committee voted 11-8 to recommend Michael Mukasey as Attorney General. Some Senators openly wished Mukasey would take a stand on waterboarding. But if he does that, where does it end? With positions on snowboarding and skateboarding?

(National Public Radio noted waterboarding was used long ago by the Spanish Inquisition. But if they didn't do it in any episodes of "Monty Python's Flying Circus," we're not sure we believe that.)

+ Republican Presidential candidate Ron Paul set a one-day record, by raising $4.3 million on the Internet. This money will be a wonderful economic boost to some poor, starving radio station manager in Iowa.

+ Crude oil prices went above $97 a barrel for a time, and public radio's "Marketplace" reported some futures traders have options for the price to hit $250. What do they win if they turn out to be right - a nice mansion in Saudi Arabia?

+ The son of "Dogg the Bounty Hunter" told the TMZ telecast his father is NOT a racist. We're not sure if TMZ paid for this interview, to prove conclusively that the son is a money-grubbing back-stabber.

+ A deer broke through a window, and ran through a Holly Hill, South Carolina funeral home. There is NO truth to the rumor that Elmer Fudd followed the deer inside, and asked about the price of a casket for it.

+ A Texan named Jackie Bibby claimed a world record, by spending 45 minutes in a bathtub - with 87 rattlesnakes. [True/Interprep.com] He actually could have claimed a second world record. But he didn't pick up any of the snakes, and preach a sermon.

+ Students at a religious college in Ethiopia protested, because the Ethiopian Orthodox Church patriarch had a meeting with Beyonce. I'm not sure why they're so upset. As long as Beyonce doesn't declare the mother of Jesus "booty-licious...."

+ The Kazakhstani movie character Borat came out with a new book about "Touristic Guidings to Minor Nation of U.S. and A." Let's all hope no school teacher uses this in a social studies class - not to mention English literature.

+ Rosie O'Donnell suggested she's in talks to host a prime-time show on MSNBC. You'll know it's official when the web site address changes to ms.nbc.com .

(We sincerely hope O'Donnell doesn't try to follow the lead of current MSNBC anchor Keith Olbermann - and start analyzing the linemen on "Football Night in America.")

+ Meat Loaf canceled a nationwide rock music tour, claiming he has an illness. It would have been only ironic if he had e-coli contamination....

+ The tracking service ComScore revealed more than half the people who downloaded Radiohead's latest CD online paid absolutely nothing for it. The band decided to let the customers pay whatever they wished -- which shows why the band's name isn't Businesshead.

+ Sabrina Bryan of the Cheetah Girls revealed she's engaged to her partner on "Dancing with the Stars." Why does this series seem to have happier, longer-lasting romances than "The Bachelor?" Maybe that other show should move to a downtown dance studio.

(Meanwhile, Jane Seymour was voted off "Dancing with the Stars" Tuesday night. But with her British accent, she's gained great experience for the BBC and Australian versions.)

+ Major League Baseball's general managers voted in favor of limited instant replay. But the limits would NOT include the home-plate call which helped Colorado eliminate San Diego, and eventually reach the World Series. Sometimes baseball's progress is as drawn-out and slow as a World Series game.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2124 (+ 89, 4.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

-- posted by Richard at 12:02 AM

Monday, November 05, 2007

5 NOV 07: BEATING MR. BIG

A knock at the door woke me up Thursday afternoon. A change of schedule had me working through the night, and sleeping during the day - and I was sleeping so well for several days that I hardly ever heard the computer telemarketers call me.

But this knock was important and valuable. There was certified mail for me to accept - and inside an envelope was a $50 gift card. It was the end of a consumer drama which began in late August, involving none other than Bill Heard Chevrolet. We didn't dare mention it here before now - because single guys like shopping sprees every bit as much as married women.

It all began in mid-August, with one of those promotional mailings from Bill Heard Chevrolet. It promised merely for taking a test drive, I could have a $50 gift card to my choice of eight different businesses. Of course, it would help if Linens-n-Things actually had a Columbus store....

Long-time blog readers will remember how disappointed my late next-door neighbor was, when I took her to Bill Heard Chevrolet for one of these offers [16 Jun 04]. But this one seemed simple on the surface -- have a manager sign the card, and mail it in with a "$3.95 shipping and handling fee." You send all your gift cards by United Parcel Service, right?!

Figuring I'd still have a net gain of $46.05, I went to Bill Heard and test-drove a Chevrolet Cobalt. The car seemed all right - except the color wasn't really cobalt blue.

My Bill Heard Chevrolet salesman wore a name tag with Sacramento, California on it. He explained that was his home town - and he was NOT flown in for this special promotion. You may not know other Columbus car dealers bring in special salespeople from as far away as New England. Does this mean Southern salespeople are too friendly and folksy?

I explained to the man from Sacramento that I wasn't really looking to buy a car right now, and was merely there for the test drive promotion. He then took my mail offer to some manager in a different part of the building - and I wondered if that manager would come out and lecture me about being an irresponsible moocher.

After a lengthy wait, a supervisor came out with a "Gift Card Claim Voucher" form. I had to fill it out, and mail it to suburban Atlanta. Then I'd receive a separate "Gift Card Request Form" to send back with the $3.95 shipping and handling fee. Bill Heard Chevrolet is famous for tent sales - but these circus hoops were arranged in the main showroom.

I took the voucher form home - and only then did I read the details. The voucher form had to be sent "by certified mail only.... postmarked within 21 days from the sponsor's issue date or this offer will become void...." Certified mail?! I mail checks for credit card bills much more expensive than this, and first-class seems to work just fine.

There was also another problem in the fine print. "This gift certificate is only valid if sent in accompanied by the dealer promotional mail piece." That mail piece was dumped in the trash can, at the salesperson's desk. Do I go back to Bill Heard and beg for it - or do they empty the trash every two hours, as fast as they claim to sell trade-ins?

But it turned out I was prepared for potential trouble - because Bill Heard Chevrolet actually mailed me the same offer TWICE within a week. Their mistake or annoyance was my gain....

In another nice break, the salesperson from Sacramento had given me a signed business card. So I stapled it to the backup mailing, combined it with the completed Gift Card Voucher Form and went to the post office. Sending them to suburban Atlanta by certified mail cost $3.23 - but at least the Postal Service was getting my money, not Bill Heard.

All that happened in late August. In late September the "Gift Card Request Form" arrived - and of course, it had to be returned by certified mail as well. It's not like I was sending documents to metro Atlanta, demanding an extra few gallons of water from West Point Lake....

The second certified mailing cost $3.06 - and this time the $3.95 shipping and handling fee was included. So I probably paid for certified mail THREE times, including the mailing of the card back to me. But consider the final score: Bill Heard $50, me $10.24 -- so the payoff was about four to one.

The weeks passed between these mailings, and I quietly wondered if some other catch was going to deny me the gift card. That concern ended on Thursday, with that knock at the door. So Mr. Big Volume lives up to his promotional promise -- if you jump through all the hoops, and get a break or two. This sort of makes Bill Heard Chevrolet like Alabama football.

E-MAIL UPDATE: The non-certified kind brings this item, which I'm guessing stems from Reginald Pugh's Urban League show on WLTZ:

I saw Dr.Phillips on an early Sunday AM taped TV interview..He was pushing for another tax. He talked about all the technology that the last tax brought...Funny the schools have not seen all those promised computers..I wonder why he does not use all the money the state sent for graduation coaches in each school and buy more computers..A person in each high school guidance dept. was pulled out of their job and given the title and job description of "graduation coach." MCSD was the only system to pull this trick..Yes,the state has reprimanded them. In talking about all the things a new tax would do and the old one did Phillips never mentioned the new $26million + administrative building or his salary which is more than the VP of the USA..Have you seen the commercial for local news where the mayor says MCSD is behind in getting ready for the thousands of new students we will get by 2010 from Ft B.?

Yes, I did see that promotional ad. But you may be pleased to know another one-cent sales tax will NOT be used to expand Muscogee County schools for base realignment. Dr. John Phillips wants federal tax money spent for that - to save as many dollars as possible for furnishing a nice new office.

But this e-mail does not mention the Muscogee County School District is not using new tax money to build the new Educational Services Building. It's using a mix of reserved current money and a loan. If enough people join their neighborhood school's PTA, this financing plan might work.

By the way: Governor Sonny Perdue declared Sunday "Hats Off to Georgia Retired Educators Day." Most of those educators probably shook their heads at this -- because they can remember when students were expected to take off their hats indoors.

Our next e-mail comes from someone who asked about our recent time of singing at Cascade Hills Church:

Richard,

That's great, you gotta love singing...but i just get so nervous in front of people. I tried it a couple of times, but I always forgot the words and stuff when it came time to sing. Are you attending CHC on a regular basis now? They certainly have some great programs, and you wont find a better speaker in Columbus.

I think you said you do your laundry at Oakland Park Cleaners didn't you? I think I have seen you in there before but I'm not sure. I don't really get in there much anymore though.

What do you do? I mean other then the blog thing. I just don't know how you find the discipline to write stuff on the blog everyday, I could never be that consistent.

Thanks,

I've been "auditioning" Cascade Hills Church for a few weeks - but the change to standard time will affect that. I believe in keeping a seventh-day Sabbath, and the Saturday service at 6:00 p.m. will start after sunset until the end of January. You'd think a church with theater-style seats might offer a Saturday matinee....

Yes, I do my laundry in the Oakland Park neighborhood -- but the cleaners next door has undergone some changes in recent months. The old manager retired, and the new owner is converting that storefront into a barbecue restaurant. Columbus barbecue soon could be like Baptist churches -- you know, one about every mile.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2035 (- 80, 3.8%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 12:06 AM

Sunday, November 04, 2007

4 NOV 07: YAWN-ABAMA?

As they say around the sports cliche corner, it was crunch time. Louisiana State had just scored a fourth-down touchdown to tie Alabama 34-34. It was late in the fourth quarter. And as I walked into a restaurant in Ladonia Saturday night, a TV was turned on.... a Fox News Channel history show?! Did the Russell County Republicans have a dinner meeting or something?

When I left home for a Saturday night run, things seemed much as I expected for the L.S.U.-Alabama game. The Phenix City Riverwalk was practically empty, save for a couple standing at the center circle looking at the Chattahoochee. I suppose a few Auburn diehards really didn't care who won or lost....

The weather was perfect for running, and I made it 3.4 miles non-stop. I was even able to salute a few uniformed Fort Benning soldiers walking along Broadway. Someone needed to tell them "God Bless Fort Benning" doesn't happen for two more weeks.

Then I stepped in the car, to drive down Crawford Road to Ladonia for dinner. The bump at 13^th and Broad shook me a little. The sight of the Big Cat station on U.S. 80 selling diesel fuel for $3.15 a gallon shook me quite a bit -- especially since the three was spray-painted on the sign.

Another surprise came when I saw fireworks in the distance, past Big Cat. They apparently were fired at East Alabama Motor Speedway. So how far back in the field did Jeff Gordon qualify for today's NASCAR race?

I finally stopped at the McDonald's in Ladonia -- the one with a convenience store attached to it. Shop on both sides, and you might just come out with the ingredients for a nutritious meal.

And that's where the big surprise came - as the TV inside the Ladonia McDonald's did NOT show L.S.U.-Alabama. It did NOT show the "Saban Bowl" - which might as well have been the Super Bowl, because it took about four hours 15 minutes to play.

I didn't ask the McDonald's staff why its TV was showing Fox News Channel. On a couple of previous trips to Ladonia, this restaurant had the Weather Channel. That would make sense for commuters and travelers - but Fox News Channel on a Saturday night really doesn't. Ronald McDonald's red hair might be condemned by Bill O'Reilly as a sign of Communist tendencies.

By the time I'd ordered dinner at McDonald's and returned to my car radio, Alabama's John Parker Wilson had made a fateful fumble - and L.S.U. had scored again, for the winning 41-34 margin. It's no wonder McDonald's doesn't like to be called "fast food."

Alabama is often presented to the rest of the country as a football-centric state. But what I saw at this restaurant Saturday night made me wonder if times have changed. Have the Crimson Tide teams in recent years been that dull? Or did the McDonald's managers fear the staff would become too distracted to help the customers?

This restaurant doesn't get all of the blame for overlooking L.S.U.-Alabama. WEAM-AM lost the Crimson Tide broadcast for a lengthy period during the second half -- and it didn't even make up for the loss, by finding a Columbus Cottonmouths broadcast and putting it on the air.

I was left to listen to the Alabama broadcast on WIOD-FM 95.7, which can be hard to pick up in downtown Columbus. But I heard enough to remind me why Crimson Tide fans love Eli Gold. It's his attention to detail -- like saying L.S.U. was short of a first down by a "teensie-weensie bit." [True!]

Taking a look at other Saturday college football:

+ By 35-3, Auburn blew up TNT. At least that's how I abbreviate Tennessee Tech....

+ Georgia trampled Troy, but the 44-34 score probably wasn't what Bulldog fans wanted to see. Someone should have reminded the Georgia Athletic Director that Troy actually plays Division I-A football now.

+ Albany State beat Fort Valley State 32-27 in the Fountain City Classic. For the first time, the game featured a parade through downtown Columbus - and after Friday's economic boycott, businesses on Broadway must have had their best Saturday morning ever.

+ And I'm sorry, but I can't keep quiet any longer - KANSAS IS 9-0!!! My old alma mater annihilated Nebraska 76-39 - which almost matches the score the Kansas basketball team made last February.

(You have to understand that Nebraska beat Kansas for about 35 consecutive years. The string ended two years ago - but to give Nebraska the worst losing score in its history seems like true redemption. Call it an "eye for an eye," and a TD for a TD.)

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT: We've received no new credit card offers in the last couple of days, but we did receive an e-mail about it:

This mail in your credit card applications to a firm who is counting them sounds like a scam to me...Are you just sending the number of applications you get or the applications themselves?....and to add to all that you can win a prize...watch out...

I have family that have been deceased 10 yrs and I still get card applications for them. The only credit cards they ever had were a gas card company,which no longer lives,and Kirven's,a local store which is also deceased..I have no idea where they ever got their names..

I'm not only sending in the applications, but the entire contents of the envelopes. But this is a national firm, which has sent me surveys for years. It beats having someone interrupt the 6:00 news, to ask me questions about the last ten pizzas I bought.

But then again, the survey firm DID call me the other evening. It was a computer call, reminding me to collect the credit card applications. Maybe this company also publishes the "Idiot's Guide" books.

Now before I race off to bed to get that extra hour of sleep, let's check other items of note from the weekend:

+ The WRBL weather mystery deepened, as Susan-Elizabeth Littlefield presented the forecast two nights in a row. I can't possibly believe their meteorologists are going on strike, as members of the Writer's Guild....

(Meanwhile, a blog reader alerts us to big news about former WRBL meteorologist Trent Aric. He's becoming the top weather forecaster at a major TV station in Miami - and if Aric lightens his hair, he could take on ABC's Sam Champion in a male beauty contest.)

+ WRBL's newscast showed the 20^th annual Georgia State Fishing Championship, at West Point Lake. I'm not saying the water level is low - but one of the top three baits this year is a baseball catcher's mitt.

+ Callaway Gardens hosted its annual Steeplechase - and if I heard WXTX "News at Ten" correctly, about 3,000 people showed up. Compared to the packed bleachers at McClung Memorial Stadium for the Fountain City Classic, this crowd was small. But the hats women wore probably cost a lot more than the barbecue platters football fans bought.

+ Columbus High School won the Georgia AAA state volleyball title. So why is this only a sport for girls in Georgia -- with no teams for guys? Is there concern local players would wear advertising for tattoo parlors on their arms?

+ Instant Message to the organizers of the regional high school cross-country meet: Have you considered alternatives to Kinnett Stadium? A couple of laps on that uneven and dusty Lakebottom Park walking course would be every bit as challenging - and the stop lights at 17^th Street would allow trailing runners to catch up.

SCHEDULED MONDAY: A big victory over a famous Columbus name, which took more than two months to accomplish....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2115 (- 237, 10.1%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 12:51 AM

Thursday, November 01, 2007

for 2 NOV 07: NOTHING'S PLENTY FOR ME

The original plan was for me to wash clothes at the coin laundry this afternoon. But then Al Sharpton told me no. And we all know how persuasive Al Sharpton can be - thinking back to how successfully he campaigned for President in 2004.

So there I was at the coin laundry Thursday afternoon, one day early - and ready to explain to people why I was there. Of course, nobody bothered to ask. In fact, someone left a note at the laundry asking "The Courier" and "Eco Latino" to stop leaving weekly issues there. Is that taking Al Sharpton's idea in the opposite direction?

As we first noted here last week, Al Sharpton of the "National Action Network" has called for a one-day nationwide economic boycott today. We're not supposed to buy anything - and I hope the people coming to Columbus for the Fountain City Classic will appreciate this, and sleep in their cars at South Commons overnight.

I found out through Thursday's "Columbus Times" that the national economic boycott is not really Al Sharpton's idea. It came from an African-American radio talk show host in Chicago - who I assume is barring all commercials from his program today, so listeners won't be tempted.

The newspaper article also noted that I'm not really the focus of this boycott call. The goal is for African-American people not to spend money today. So if I join in this, am I spoiling the experiment? Or am I making up for the customers at Chester's Barbecue, who probably won't care?

The goal of what some have dubbed a "National Blackout" is to send several messages. One is that African-American people have economic clout, and are tired of being ignored by governmental officials. Some of us already knew about that clout. Tiger Woods makes a lot more money playing golf than I ever could.

The economic boycott was largely inspired by the events in Jena, Louisiana. A group of people from Columbus went to Jena in September for a protest. But if any of those people are joining in today's boycott, I haven't heard about it -- and Davis Broadcasting stations haven't announced they'll be off the air.

Organizers hope the one-day show of economic muscle will convince the Bush administration it needs to step up the prosecution of "hate crimes." For instance, it's now two days after Halloween - and Columbus police have arrested no one for that noose inside the Columbus State University Davidson Center.

But a one-day economic boycott presents all kinds of potential hazards. For instance, there are plenty of high school football games tonight - and tickets for those games traditionally are sold at the gate. Besides, it's hard for visiting teams to play well after the players eat a mere sandwich sack lunch on the bus.

Some African-American leaders have talked of keeping their money within the ethnic community. They say other people groups practice "bouncing dollars" amongst themselves. But hold on -- maybe this means African-American people have taken this integration stuff a bit too far....

Lest there be any doubt: yes, I'll join in the one-day boycott and plan to buy nothing today. I prepared Thursday, by purchasing a couple of donuts for snacks and doing my laundry. And to be honest, some of us have done this sort of "boycott" thing for years. It's called keeping a seventh-day Sabbath -- and have you noticed how much power the Adventists have gained from it?

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT: The one-month collection of credit card offers began Thursday - and two came in the mail right away. And is it happened, one was for a solid black MasterCard BusinessCard. For Reginald Pugh at the Urban League, it would be perfect....

Both the offers which came Thursday were for business cards. My failed attempts to start businesses have put me on plenty of mailing lists. At least the offers with sample monogrammed pens are usable.

Speaking of cards - if you went to Lil Kim's Cove to challenge me at poker Thursday night, I should have told you in advance. I took the week off, because of some changes in my schedule. It really was NOT part of a grand strategy to keep the other players puzzled, so I can win again next week.

With the credit card count at "2 for 1," let's list some of the news events we noticed Thursday:

+ Columbus Police received a late-night Halloween call to the Uptown Tap on Broadway. The first report indicated a woman was there, wearing nothing but a "red G-string." There's no word as to whether officers called in members of the Columbus Symphony, to provide support.

+ Seven suspected illegal immigrants appeared in federal court, after being arrested at the National Infantry Museum construction site. An attorney for the workers admitted they broke the law, but suggested they might not have known they were doing it. Maybe we need to post more signs in Spanish, noting Georgia is part of the United States.

+ The Army Corps of Engineers agreed to review its plan for drawing water from Lake Lanier. So it appears Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue was the big winner, at the water talks in Washington. But for now, people who want to kayak on the Chattahoochee River in Columbus still have to dodge the hikers.

+ WXTX "News at Ten" took a camera inside that religious conference at the Civic Center. There was a small group of attendees on the floor - but the main seats on the side looked awfully empty. The Rod Hood Foundation might have done better holding an arena football training camp.

+ Spencer handled Hardaway 40-32 in overtime, and finished the high school football season 5-5. Compared with recent years, this record is downright remarkable. Let's hope none of the players are named in that government crackdown on steroid sales....

+ Instant Message to the RiverCenter: Did I see it right - tonight's Gregg Allman concert is presented by some kind of cardiology office? Wouldn't a hearing aid center be more fitting?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2352 (+ 64, 2.8%)

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