28 NOV 07: PONDS TO PONDER

It's a bit early for our year-end "things I didn't know" list, but a good candidate came up Tuesday at Columbus Council. Columbus has three city ponds - numbered one, two and three. Why they haven't been named Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria, I'm really not sure....

The focus at a Columbus Council work session was on Pond #2, located behind the Oxbow Meadows Environmental Learning Center. The staff calls it "Beaver Pond," because a beaver family lives nearby. In fact, that's what all the fuss is about - Oxbow Meadows wants to leave it to beavers.

But Columbus city officials want to use Beaver Pond for something else - the disposal of inert natural waste, such as tree limbs. The city owns the pond, so it has every right to do that. But Columbus State University runs Oxbow Meadows, and officials there are opposed. We're now waiting for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals to speak for the beavers, and break this tie.

City Manager Isaiah Hugley told WRBL Beaver Pond is vital to city waste disposal. That's because Pond #1 will be full of natural waste in about seven years. I'm not sure where Pond #1 is - but between tree limbs and drought, are we sure it even exists anymore?

The City Manager says without the use of Beaver Pond for natural waste, the Columbus city landfill will reach capacity much sooner than planned. So try to avoid paying those landfill fees, while there's still time....

But the people who run Oxbow Meadows are against the city using Beaver Pond behind their center for a landfill. I don't quite understand why. Wouldn't all those tree limbs give the beavers endless hours of fun things to do?

Columbus State University scientists even say the presence of a natural-waste landfill would make it reluctant for them to keep operating Oxbow Meadows. Maybe if the city painted the front end loaders in camouflage colors....

The city of Columbus is offering to sell Beaver Pond to Columbus Stare University, but C.S.U. officials said Tuesday they can't afford that. That statement must have made people smile at Columbus South Inc. -- because property values in that part of town must be skyrocketing.

(Then again, maybe there's another reason why Beaver Pond is so expensive - Columbus water rates are about to jump.)

University officials hint a compromise could be worked out for Beaver Pond - with the city keeping control, but Oxbow Meadows leasing it long-term. That didn't impress Councilor Mimi Woodson, who said Columbus State University has taken plenty of land off city tax rolls already. At least C.S.U. could allow hot dog carts on the RiverArts campus.

I've lived in Columbus long enough that I can almost predict how this pond dispute will be resolved. Some anonymous donor will provide money for Oxbow Meadows to buy Beaver Pond. But the way this year has gone, the Education Park Coalition might go to court arguing the pond isn't green enough.

I've driven by Oxbow Meadows a couple of times, but admittedly have never stopped there for a visit. It's known as a refuge for exotic birds, snakes, fish - and even a well-hidden alligator. Maybe the answer is a merger with Wild Animal Safari, and a "giraffe loaner" program.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Uh-oh - the title of this message is, "The 'Yahoo from Texas":

Let's go into definitions for starters! My dictionary defines officious as:arrogant, and nincompoop as a blockhead! Mr. Perry is all bluster - remind yourself - That he "threatened" you at one time. What happened to all that bravado - when you walked through his door?

As for Yeehaw from Texas [25 Nov], I guess that his monicker is a derivitave of Yahoo which means clown. I don't have a bit of trouble reading or understanding your BLOG, maybe you ought to write with more of a Texas drawl!! If that "Dude" from Texas doesn't like what he reads on your BLOG maybe he can find one closer to home! I wonder why all of your correspondents use aliases? anything written without a signature is just so much Charmin! Anyway - you are reaching out - all the way to Texas!!

Be assured Sir Richard - you are widely read in "Hurt'sboro" it's just the same old story - folks just don't want to stand out in the open.

As to the beggers, the one you met in "Hurt'sboro caught my attention - it was ironic - that you were accosted by R----- B---y. He could have given you an earful!!

Finally. Don't let ol' Yeehaw discourage you; he probably thinks irony is something you get done at a Chinese laundry!

Constable R.J. Schweiger

This Constable has been taking on the status quo in Hurtsboro for a long time, but he's really asking for it now. He's daring to mess with Texas -- and he doesn't live anywhere near Oklahoma.

I had an e-mail account with Yahoo years before I started writing jokes. So if I guess this "clown" made a good online choice. Now if I had only been foolish enough to invest money in Yahoo stock....

Write with a Texas drawl?! Would most people understand that? It took me a few seconds years ago to figure out a bumper sticker I saw for one Texas city: "Foat Wuth, Ah Luv Yew." [True!]

If you don't appreciate our writers using aliases, keep something in mind - several East Alabama bloggers seem to do the same thing. They simply don't want to be offered guest appearances on TV, or their own weekly column in "Time" magazine.

(Hmmmm - come to think of it, west Texas has a city named Amarillo. Amarillo is a Spanish word for "yellow." And yellow can be a slang word for.... naaah, that's too big a coincidence....)

Now let's head back down Interstate 40 from Amarillo toward our part of the country, and check other news items from Tuesday:

+ Downtown Columbus business owners admitted military police from Fort Benning patrol Broadway late at night on weekends. If this news gets around, we might get a visit from the President - of Pakistan.

+ Demolition work began on the old Sears store along Macon Road. The city eventually plans to demolish the vacant Firestone store down the street - so that sign outside about being "temporarily closed" is about as believable as a mechanic's estimates for an engine overhaul.

+ WRBL reported someone stole gutters from Shearith Israel synagogue before Monday's rain, causing water damage to the building. That's what happens when Gutter Guard goes out of business....

+ Congressman Lynn Westmoreland toured Atlanta's airport, and said something needs to be done to reduce the long security lines. There's an easy answer to this, Congressman - but you forgot to tell the Jet Blue staff to begin daily flights from Columbus.

+ The Oprah Winfrey Show focused on her recent "Favorite Things"trip to Macon. At the Nu-Way hot dog shop, a deputy sheriff handed Winfrey a badge - so Harpo Productions can expect a phone call today from the Muscogee County Marshal, trying to get it back.

+ Auburn football coach Tommy Tuberville reportedly was offered a seven-year extension on his contract. He'll probably have to beat Alabama a seventh time again next November to get it extended to eight.

+ Meanwhile, Auburn University officials promised to discuss possible security changes at next season's home football games. This follows an Opelika police dog biting an Auburn player on the hand, during Saturday's Iron Bowl. Why do they even allow a reminder of "Dawgs" during the Alabama-Auburn game in the first place?

+ Instant Message to the Opelika City Schools: What's all this talk about "credit recovery" for lagging high school students? Maybe if you took their credit cards away, they'd quit shopping and start studying more.... or is that what you mean?

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: There may be a crack in the Writers' Guild strike, which has inspired the "virtual monologues" here. Carson Daly reportedly will tape new episodes of his "Later" talk show - which will be great news to the 50 or so people who stay up to watch.

+ Meanwhile, the Food Network has canceled "Emeril Live" featuring chef Emeril Lagasse. Asked how the executive's door sounded after the final meeting, Lagasse shouted, "SLAM!!!!"

+ Dr. Robert Cade died in Florida - the man who invented Gatorade. An autopsy is planned to determine once and for all: was it in him?

+ The main U.S. factory for Harley-Davidson motorcycles is shut down this week, due to slow sales. In related news, sales of leather jackets are projected to drop about two percent.

+ The Persian Gulf state of Abu Dhabi committed more than seven billion dollars, to become the second-biggest investor in CitiBank. If Muslims can't conquer New York City one way, they'll try another.

+ USA Today reported the Army is adjusting one million uniforms, because pants are ripping open in Iraq and Afghanistan. The military description of the difficulty is a "crotch durability problem." This never seems to bother Paris Hilton....

+ Barbara Streisand endorsed Hillary Rodham Clinton for President. Can't you see her now on Inauguration Day 2009 - standing next to Mr. and Mrs. Clinton, and singing about "misty water-colored memories of The Way We Were"?

+ Former first daughter Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg turned 50. She has to be a bit disappointed - because no one in Miami has tried to reenact the Bay of Pigs invasion in her family's honor.

+ Several crashes occurred on a Virginia highway, after a truck spilled chicken fat for 20 miles. Thankfully, a team of workers from Popeye's came along to clean up the mess....

+ A minister in the small town of Whitewood, South Dakota proposed changing the name of Hooker Street. The pastor says the street name offends some people. Does this preacher also avoid quoting from the gospel of John?

(But then, perhaps these residents were inspired to protest from another part of the Bible - the Old Testament book of Judges.)

+ The University of Mississippi hired Houston Nutt as head football coach, less than 24 hours after he resigned at Arkansas. He won't have to move very far - but he'll still have to pack some Nutt cases.

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