25 NOV 07: JUST SAY NO MO

Uhhhhh -- how about Auburn?! They won the Iron Bowl again. Uhhhhh - didn't Georgia look good? They might play in January. Uhhhhh - can I take a couple of days off from blogging, because I have symptoms of depression?

Well, no. Most of you probably didn't watch the Kansas-Missouri game, so you're counting on this Kansas grad for a review. I can sum up Saturday night's showdown in several ways:

+ Kansas won the fourth quarter, when it counts most. Trouble is, they counted the first three quarters as well.

+ Kansas still has a better record than any team in the Southeastern Conference. And unlike Alabama and Auburn, the Jayhawks beat their non-conference pushovers.

+ Kansas still could make the Bowl Championship Series title game - if Missouri, West Virginia, Southern California and Hawaii all lose next weekend, while Ohio State is found to have a grade scandal.

+ Kansas still has an unbeaten team, ranked in the top ten - and that men's basketball squad hosts Arizona tonight.

OK, I'll confess it - Missouri beat Kansas 36-28. The Tigers led 28-7 at the start of the fourth quarter - and that's sadly when the Jayhawks defense made it through the Kansas City traffic jam and showed up to play.

It was not a good sign that when Missouri scored to take a 21-0 lead, I turned on the radio to check on Alabama-Auburn. But I went back to the TV to hear ABC's Brent Musberger declare: "They don't have much for that four million yet, do they?"

The Auburn radio announcers showed little respect for Alabama. I heard Stan White refer to the Tide quarterback a couple of times as "John Wilson" - as if he's not allowed to have a middle name, or Bic was the official pen supplier to Auburn sports instead of Parker.

Auburn outlasted Alabama 17-10, and now has won six Iron Bowls in a row. Countless East Alabama football fans will celebrate today, by downing a six-pack....

Not only did Alabama lose its sixth Iron Bowl in a row, it dropped to 6-6 on the year. That sort of "triple six" may verify what some sports talk show hosts said back in January - that Nick Saban is like a snake.

Earlier in the day, Georgia got by Georgia Tech 31-17. The Bulldogs now have beaten the Yellowjackets seven years in a row - so don't be surprised if coach Mark Richt starts doing commercials for Seven-Up.

Some people are speculating the loss to Georgia might cost Georgia Tech coach Chan Gailey his job. But didn't Gailey put Tech in the Atlantic Coast Conference title game last year? Somebody had to look strange in the record book, by losing to Wake Forest....

Larry Munson went "on the road" to Atlanta, to broadcast the Georgia-Georgia Tech game on radio. In the final minute, Loren Smith encouraged Munson to return for another season. If he doesn't, I have a suggestion. Bring on Skip Carey, who can sound almost as worried when big mistakes happen.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Perhaps it's no surprise that someone in Hurtsboro responded to our trip there for Thanksgiving:

Sir Richard::

A journey such as yours - to "Hurt'sboro", - takes a bit of planning! I sorry that you didn't contact me before you made such an effort; but I suppose you just relied on the words of Greeley - "Go west young man.' Go west!'

If you will allow me, I will fill in some of the blanks in your trip report. First of all, Highway #26 is being resurfaced in its entirety; from Rte.#431 to its junction with Rte. #51 in "Hurt'sboro. At one time all roads led to Rome! Now it seems, you can go by way of "Hurt'sboro!

You are an excellent photographer - and you captured the beauty of our architecture in detail. The City Hall once doubled as a fire station and ambulance barn. Now, the Magistrate sits behind the overhead door. That is - when he isn't doubling as City Clerk.

The Black & White police car is inoperable. It was dumped in its present location, months ago because a towing/storage bill went unpaid. Our city workers haven't got around to pushing it back out of the way - they just stumble around it!

When you were across the street at the Jet Center; you were within a few feet of the new "Park" I'm surprised that you didn't notice it - perhaps you can come back again when its finished, and the locals have had opportunity to "trash" it!

I'm glad you had the occasion to visit with "Rick" Perry. Most of the information he offered was skewed but true. It goes much deeper than that! Mr. Perry is frustrated because I wont speak to him. His message - through you - is just a childish attempt to communicate. Oh well. I will respond - through you - in my opinion; Mr. Perry is an officious nincompoop! With that said let's move on to other things.

The beggar you encountered is R----- B----. He is a carpenter and brick mason and has some satisfactory work for me. He WILL work, but stays whacked out on drugs most of the time. I f he isn't in "Hurt'sboro" he's in the Russell County Jail. The reason he wanted you to "look after him," was because he had been tossed out of The City Grill by the voiceless man on many occasions! He probably was given the "Heave-Ho" the moment you left!

Your comments about the murals were well taken - they and the library are the only vestige of culture that remain in "Hurt'tsboro" I hope you will make a return visit - but next time, engage a tour guide!

One more bit of sarcasm - the penny you found at City Hall was all the town could afford for your "two cent's worth!"

Constable R.J. Schweiger

There's a two-word reason why I didn't tell the Constable I was heading for Hurtsboro - no spin.

Will all roads really lead to Hurtsboro someday? If the local leaders have to fight with Tuskegee for an exit along Interstate 14, I think I know which city will win -- and Tuskegee already has an exit on I-85.

This message explains why Hurtsboro has different-looking police cars. For all I knew, one might have been used for training -- or maybe as a historic marker.

There was open "green space" behind the Jet Center - and if the beggar hadn't left me lacking for cash, I might have crossed Main Street again and examined it. But I didn't want to take a chance of getting stopped by police, and learning they also didn't accept credit cards.

It's nice to be like the Carter Center, and mediate a tense situation in Hurtsboro. But my computer SpellCheck shows "officious" can mean both "nosy" and "magisterial." Last time I checked, the Constable was the one who had an office somewhat like a magistrate....

So the beggar I met at the Hurtsboro Post Office has the same initials I do?! Maybe that explains how he found me -- or then again, maybe he was waiting for a truck driver to arrive with mail from Montgomery.

Our lengthy "Thanksgiving entree" may have inspired another e-mail, which we mentioned above:

Dear Richard,

Your posts would be easier to read and more enjoyable if you:

1. Made them shorter.

2. Stopped talking about Hurtsburo and the one reader you have there.

3. Let go of Blogger Beggars. Really not that interesting.

4. Re-read some of your jokes to make sure they're actually funny.

Okay, that sounds pretty critical but I think that your blog will be of better service to your readers (except the constable dude) if you took these suggestions into consideration. Please keep up the good work you do.

Howdy and Yeehaw from Texas!

Thursday's post admittedly turned out to be longer than usual. But I justified it by noting the Ledger-Enquirer probably had its fattest issue of the year on Thanksgiving - and my blog has none of those annoying ads.

The only reason Hurtsboro keeps coming up is because the Constable keeps bringing it up. And Robert Schweiger writing the blog is a bit like Bert Coker and Paul Olson appearing every Tuesday before Columbus Council. They consider it the only available outlet for venting.

The beggar we met in Hurtsboro actually was the first one to pass our way since early September. The neighbor who needed cigarette money after his roommate entered hospice care never has returned to his apartment, and I've been told secondhand that roommate died. Maybe he's looking for someone else in need - because he needs the disability check.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Author J.K. Rowling has been named the "Entertainer of the Year" by Entertainment Weekly magazine. How this could be denied to showboating football players like Chad Johnson is a mystery to me....

+ The producer of "Girls Gone Wild" videos claims he was abused by guards, while he was jailed in Oklahoma. The only way we'll believe this is when a DVD comes out called "Guards Go Wilder."

+ Paris Hilton visited Shanghai, on her Asian tour. But she didn't help her reputation, when she called it the perfect source for buying fine china....

+ Despite a slumping U.S. dollar, National Public Radio reports tourist visits to this country are down by 17 percent. It doesn't help that farmers are waiting at the airport, trying to hire tourists to pick their crops.

+ Remember "Bill Nye the Science Guy?" He's gone to court for a restraining order against his former wife, claiming she tried to poison his vegetable garden. This woman obviously has gone off the deep end - because science guys can spot poison.

+ The University of Nebraska fired head football coach Bill Callahan, after a 65-51 loss to Colorado. With a score like that, you'd think Callahan would have been shifted to head basketball coach....

SCHEDULED THIS WEEK: How to check on local police from the privacy of your home....

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