20 NOV 07: H-2-OWE
Perhaps we should have seen this coming. In the middle of a severe drought, here comes a request to increase the price of water in Columbus. This strategy works so well for OPEC -- so why not the water works?
Columbus Council will hear a proposal from Columbus Water Works today for higher rates. You can see the PowerPoint version of the proposal right now, on the council agenda section of the city web site. Thankfully, it has no running water sound effects to make it sound like they're violating the drought restrictions.
Columbus Water Works argues it lost one million dollars in revenue this year, because Swift Manufacturing closed. And it's had to remove more than 15 million dollars from reserves in the last ten years. It's almost like a satellite version of the "Uptown Tap...."
Columbus Water Works notes its typical monthly rate is about one-third that of Atlanta. OK, but consider the differences. Atlanta's reached the point where it might have to send empty railroad cars to Texas, and have them wait for rainstorms to fill them.
Columbus Water Works adds its operating expenses have gone up almost 11 million dollars in the last ten years, even though its staff has been cut by 12 percent. It makes you wonder how many personal fountains President Billy Turner had to shut off.
The Columbus Water Works is submitting a five-year plan, with rates going up about four percent every year. That computes to your water bill being about 21 percent higher five years from now. But you could do what Governor Sonny Perdue recommends - and take 21 percent shorter showers, ignoring anything below the kneecap.
(Which reminds me: why doesn't Governor Perdue recommend what I did several years ago when my Atlanta suburb lost water service for a couple of days? They're called Wet Ones wipes....)
Without a rate increase, Columbus Water Warns it will have a deficit of more than 17 million dollars in the next five years. But the chart used to make this claim shows revenues relatively flat. Shouldn't all the new soldiers from base realignment change that? It's not like they're coming from the Arizona desert, and going without water now.
I didn't realize before reviewing this presentation that your minimum Columbus water bill depends on the size of your water meter. A five-eighth inch meter has a minimum charge one-tenth of that for a six-inch meter. Keep this in mind, when some fast-talking salesperson tries to make you buy a high-definition TV big enough to fill your wall.
The Columbus Water Works presentation adds it already has an "affordability program" in place, for people who have trouble paying water and sewer bills. But it wouldn't quite be nice, to call this proposed rate increase a recruitment campaign.
The latest insert with Columbus Water Works bills also attempts to sell customers on a rate increase. But it takes a different approach -- explaining much of the city's water infrastructure will need upgrades in the decades to come. Mixing a little Rustoleum into the water simply wouldn't work, I guess....
"We have arrived at a turning point," the water bill insert warns. And Columbus Water Works realizes you probably can't afford to turn your spigots off.
Yet how much of an upgrade do our water lines really need? The Columbus Water Works insert shows a picture of a water pipe laid downtown under Tenth Street in 1882. After more than 100 years, it was still "structurally sound" - proving those rock bands on Broadway aren't nearly as loud as people think.
Now let's collect other drips and drabs of news from Monday....
+ Wal-Mart donated more than 150 turkeys to Fort Benning, to give to families of soldiers deployed overseas. At first glance, it looks like a continuation of God Bless Fort Benning. But come tax time, Wal-Mart might be more likely to say, "God Bless Schedule A" - as in the charitable donations line.
+ The Columbus NAACP accused the Muscogee County School District of racism in its retirement plan. Some white plant employees reportedly can be part of the teachers' retirement plan, while African-American employees with similar experience cannot. While they're at it, are the school cafeterias serving Thanksgiving turkeys with white or dark meat?
+ Alabama Democrats complained about a new set of billboards, congratulating school districts and students on their test scores. Half the billboards show Governor Bob Riley's picture. Aw c'mon - that's not politics. That's called preparing future students for an Alabama History exam.
+ WLTZ News showed an EMS accreditation class at St. Francis Hospital. Unless my eyes deceived me, one of the EMS attendants looked like was WRBL part-time sportscaster Jack Rodgers. Not that anyone in Iowa would notice that, or that anyone at the Ledger-Enquirer would bother watching that station anymore.
+ WLTZ also provided a sneak preview of the new PX at Fort Benning, which opens Wednesday. Among other things, it has a Starbucks Coffee shop - making it the only one south of Manchester Expressway. One of these days, someone in Columbus South will counter this with a 24-hour store selling nothing but Red Bull.
+ Michael Vick surrendered to authorities in Virginia, and will remain behind bars until his sentencing on dogfighting charges. Vick apparently can't stand to watch Atlanta Falcons games on TV anymore, either....
+ Auburn danced past Charleston Southern in men's college basketball 89-59. At one point late in the first half, Auburn was shooting 70 percent from the field -- so hot that members of the science faculty were ready to blame global warming.
THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Contract talks have been scheduled for next Monday in the Writers' Guild strike. The writers apparently are NOT so broke that they'll go without Thanksgiving dinner....
+ So I'm online Monday, and I read this Yahoo news headline: "Food makers pressured to cut sodium." I took that idea with a grain of salt.
+ It was a sad day for television viewers, as actor Dick Wilson died at 91. He played "Mr. Whipple" in Charmin bathroom tissue commercials for decades. So if you're going to his funeral - please don't squeeze the forearms.
+ Britain's Queen Elizabeth celebrated her 60th wedding anniversary, with a special church service. Prince Charles attended, and quietly wondered how he missed out on such a great example....
+ Former White House adviser Karl Rove told Newsweek magazine that Republican presidential candidates should go after Hillary Rodham Clinton. In Rove's words: "She lacks her husband's political gifts" - which is why you've never heard rumors connecting her with unmarried men.
(An ABC News/Washington Post poll in Iowa found one-third of the people there have spoken with a presidential candidate. I suppose this means directly - as opposed to talking back to the TV set during a political commercial.)
+ Plans were announced for the fall 2008 pre-election debates. The Presidential candidates will debate three times. The vice-presidential candidates will debate once. And absolutely no questioners will be allowed to dress like snowmen.
+ CBS News cited a recent Pew Research survey, which found 93 percent of young U.S. residents regularly use the Internet. I didn't know seven percent of all children in this country were Amish.
(The survey also revealed 33 percent of young people have been contacted by strangers while online. This is why every computer should come equipped with a pop-up blocker - so strangers can stop telling teenagers they're the one-millionth web site visitor of the day.)
+ Britain's Financial Times reported on a recent study, which showed men get their drinks in coffee shops an average 20 seconds faster than women. At last - an explanation of why men run faster in track and field.
+ Lloyd Carr announced his retirement as the University of Michigan football coach. Ann Arbor is located so close to Detroit that Carr trade-ins are expected sooner or later.
+ Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees was named the American League's most valuable player. You know he's valuable when Warren Buffett is advising him about a contract extension. [True!]
+ Former boxing champion Mike Tyson was sentenced to one day in an Arizona jail, for cocaine and drunk driving charges. Betting windows immediately opened in Las Vegas, on whether Tyson would top Lindsay Lohan's actual jail time of 84 minutes.
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