14 NOV 07: R. YOU READY?

Tonight will be a big night for Columbus music fans. R. Kelly will launch his latest tour at the Civic Center - although you'll forgive some local sports fans if they think he's former major league baseball player Roberto Kelly.

A Monday afternoon news conference was held at the Midtown Café, promoting the R. Kelly concert. WLTZ reported it was called to assure fans that the show was still on. This may seem like a strange thing to do -- but after the arrest of T.I. last month, it's understandable.

Promoters assured reporters R. Kelly's Columbus show will be every bit like the one he'll do in Atlanta and other cities. Oh really?! Have they been briefed on the city indecency rules, which put Bobby Brown in jail several years ago?

The news conference apparently also was called to spur ticket sales. As of Monday afternoon, the R. Kelly concert had NOT sold out. Perhaps fans are concerned they might be videotaped during the show - then be called to testify at R. Kelly's trial.

The name "R. Kelly" may have you wondering whatever happened to his legal problems. It's been five years since the singer was arrested on child pornography charges, and the case has yet to come to trial. If R. Kelly wasn't free on bond, you might think he's a suspected Muslim terrorist.

All sorts of legal motions have delayed the R. Kelly trial. It's now expected to begin next spring -- but I think he has to wait until there's a long break in the O.J. Simpson case.

A key evidence issue in pre-trial hearings has been whether a grainy "sex tape" actually shows the singer. In other words: should this tape really be rated R, as in Kelly -- or X, as in excluding him as a suspect?

Could it be that the longstanding charges against R. Kelly have hurt ticket sales in Columbus? Of course, there could be another explanation. Local entertainment lovers could be resting up for God Bless Fort Benning this weekend.

I'm admittedly not up on R. Kelly's music - but I learned online Tuesday night he sings a soul tune called "Chocolate Factory." Why his latest tour isn't sponsored by Hershey's "Special Dark," I have no idea.

Three other acts are on the tour with R. Kelly - but I confess I'm not familiar with them, either. For instance, who or what is Ne-Yo? Is he some kind of centrist politician - sort of a Ne-Yo-conservative?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Our first message today actually came a few days ago, but we needed to check whether part of it was true:

The two students who ended up with the noose at their feet [10 Nov] was one white girl and one black girl,not that it matters..It was still wrong..Both girls said they were not threatened or embarrassed. I think it was a stupid move on the part of non-assuming boys ..This one incident of not thinking will make a negative change in their young lives..With all the news going on in the world I can't believe the Ledger ran article after article on the subject. Looks like a beautiful day...get out and run the river walk ,but jump the gators.

Correcting the first part of this: Muscogee County Schools spokesperson Valerie Fuller told your blog Tuesday she understands the targeted Hardaway High students are both African-American. A Thursday tribunal may determine whether the noose scared them or not. It should also determine the current high price of stupidity in local high schools.

The weather certainly has been nice for running lately, but I don't head down the section of the Columbus Riverwalk where the alligator warnings are posted. The bigger hazard for me is tripping over tired workers, who sleep on the 14th Street pedestrian bridge.

Let's pull up one more e-mail, relating to the drought:

Did you see on TV Sunday news about mansion in Marietta that is using more water per billing period that many neighboring houses put together..His neighbors were all stunned and wanted to know where the water is going...So,here we sit in Columbus with water restrictions and this guy is using more water than some small communities..

Yes, I did see that story - and the mansion purportedly is owned by the son of a liquor industry executive. So it should be no surprise, if he prefers things wet....

But here's the thing: Marietta is under the same "level four" water restrictions that Columbus is. And much like Columbus, Cobb County water officials admit they don't have any rules to punish water abusers. The only way to stop this may be a tried and true teenage prank - spreading soap all over the mansion owner's yard, to flush him out with bubbles.

Water issues top our look at Tuesday news headlines:

+ About 100 people attended a prayer vigil for rain, outside the Columbus Government Center. A reporter from WLTZ apparently carried an umbrella with her - which may show she doesn't trust somebody in Iowa reporting her local weather, either.

(The prayer vigil was organized by Remnant Church Pastor Sharon Billings. She explained she awoke early one morning, and heard a voice telling her to call Mayor Jim Wetherington. Other Columbus residents have had a similar experience - when noisy trash trucks are outside their windows at 5:30 a.m.)

+ The Army Corps of Engineers held its annual meeting on West Point Lake. WRBL reported Corps leaders promised the lake level will NOT go any lower - because then it might be as low as the Corps' popularity right now.

(Instant Message to Phenix City's Parks Department: How are you keeping Moon Lake at Idle Hour Park so full? I noticed that during a visit the other night - but I think the ducks were puzzled as well, because they didn't want to go onto the water.)

+ The Muscogee County Democratic Party presented its first "Jack Brinkley Award" for leadership - and it was given to former Congressman Jack Brinkley. Yeow, I don't think the late Lonnie Jackson even went this far....

+ The One Columbus organization, uh, organized "Mix It Up Day" at Columbus High School. Students were urged to sit at lunch with people they didn't know. When I was a teenager, some students would have misunderstood this - and "mixed it up" in the cafeteria with their fists.

(Don't high schools have "mixers" anymore, where students can meet each other and maybe dance a bit? Do administrators fear someone will walk in with an electric mixer, and possibly use it as a weapon?)

+ Auburn collared Kennesaw State in men's college basketball 74-62. Kennesaw State has stepped up to major college ball in the last couple of years - and now they'd rather play Auburn than risk another embarrassing loss to Columbus State.

+ A group of students at the University of South Alabama announced they'll stage a petition drive, to oppose the Mobile school starting a football team. You can always spot the students who transfer from North and South Dakota....

+ Which smart aleck tipped over a giant green artificial Christmas tree, in the middle of the Phenix City Riverwalk? Well then again, maybe it wasn't really a smart aleck. Maybe it was a fast-moving squirrel which couldn't tell the difference.

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: Striking members of the Writers' Guild must have felt like kicking themselves Tuesday, when Paris Hilton reportedly made an announcement in India about drunken elephants. It was all David Letterman could do not to call CBS stations, and offer to comment during the evening news.>

Public radio's "Marketplace" reported even before the strike, about half the members of the Writers' Guild were out of work on any given day. So they're used to walking around outside, carrying things in their hands - only right now they hold picket signs, instead of scripts.

+ But back to Paris Hilton: an entertainment news wire claimed she'd spoken out in India about elephants getting drunk and causing disasters in towns. Hilton reportedly urged farmers not to leave their rice beer out, where elephants can drink it. Please leave it in bars, for respectable people like Britney Spears.

(BUT later in the day, the Associated Press "killed" this story -- because Paris Hilton's publicist declared she'd never said anything about elephants in India. For one thing, Hilton probably was too busy shopping in Mumbai to notice India has elephants at all.)

+ A newspaper in southern India reported a man married a female dog. [True/Mail.com] It was supposedly a Hindu ceremony to remove a curse on the man, because he stoned two other dogs to death. Let's all hope the judge sentencing Michael Vick never reads about this....

+ NBC News reported several British Airways flights crossed the Atlantic in recent days with absolutely no passengers. This is an amazing waste of fuel - not to mention all the extra space I could have had flying coach.

(British Airways apparently flew empty flights because it's the only way they can keep some gates at London Heathrow Airport. If you think that's weird, go up and down the TV dial some weekend afternoon and count the infomercials.)

+ The Dow Jones Industrial Average had its second-biggest gain of the year, thanks to a strong earnings report from Wal-Mart. Starting those holiday discounts in mid-August may have worked after all.

+ The legendary jewelry store Tiffany's claimed most of the items sold with its name on eBay are frauds. [True/Marketplace] So if you see an album for sale by a pop music star from the 1980's, be skeptical....

+ The preliminary hearing for O.J. Simpson resumed in Las Vegas. One witness told the court Simpson wanted him to "bring some heat" to a hotel meeting. Several alleged accomplices brought guns - when all Simpson probably wanted was cream for aching muscles.

+ "USA Today" revealed the husband of retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor has Alzheimer's disease, and appears to be in love with another woman at an Arizona care center. Even if Hillary Rodham Clinton becomes President, her marriage still may not be completely safe.

+ "Ghost Whisperer" star Jennifer Love Hewitt reportedly has called for help from real experts, to remove two ghosts inside her house. [True/Interprep.com] Really now - are those ghosts, or love-struck 16-year-old nerds?

+ A Newcastle, Oklahoma man showed off a special coil which supposedly can capture sparks in the air, and produce lightning in his backyard. This may sound strange - but keep in mind, his yard probably has the fewest mosquitoes in the state.

+ Authorities near Jacksonville reported they found a 32-year-old man dead -- stuck in the "cat entry" of a door. There are at least two valuable lessons here. Either lose some weight, or keep a spare house key in your wallet at all times.

+ Cleveland pitcher (and former Columbus RedStixx player) C.C. Sabathia won the American League Cy Young Award. This is an old Jack Benny routine just waiting to happen. "What's your name?" "C.C." "C.C.?" "Si." "What's that you're holding?" "Cy." "Cy?" "Si." "C.C.'s Cy?" "Si."

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2045 (+ 59, 3.0%)

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