12 NOV 07: GETTING THERE FROM HERE

An interesting discussion erupted during the noon hour Sunday, at a gas station on Victory Drive. I walked inside to find a man giving detailed directions to someone from out of town. This station was run by the Dolly Madison bakery, so you're more likely to get directions on preparing whole wheat bread.

The man advised the out-of-towner to go past a few traffic lights. But I admittedly didn't pay much attention. I knew where I was going. And enough people were in line at the store that if I had spoken up, they would have told me to mind my own business.

After a moment, the tourist was out the door and on his way - and then the discussion began. The man had advised heading for Interstate 185, but a woman in the line said the tourist could have reached the very same place by going west and heading up Veterans Parkway. If another man had made that suggestion, we could have had a challenge race.

"But the man was trying to get to Buena Vista Road," the man explained -- apparently a place east of I-185.

"Well, that's different," the woman admitted. Since the tourist was male, he probably wouldn't be interested in the scenic route - not even on a Sunday.

But that didn't settle the discussion. Someone brought up the possibility of getting to Buena Vista Road via Cusseta Road, and presumably North Lumpkin Road. "It's just a couple of turns," that person said. Yes, if you count a "couple" as meaning four or five.

"But that would just confuse him," the first man said. "I tell people to go by the interstate, because everyone knows where that is." Unless you're an out-of-towner who might be confused by the fact that Interstate 185 never leaves the state of Georgia.

The first woman didn't want to debate this further. But she told a woman behind the station counter, "They've fouled up 185, anyway," The shoulders have been removed between Victory Drive and Saint Mary's Road - and it feels so tight that you don't dare try to pass a Fort Benning soldier in a Hummer.

By that time I was at the front of the line, so I prepaid for gas and went outside to fill up. But when I came back inside the station to buy some bread, the man who originally gave directions was still talking about it with an employee. You'd think the man was trying to talk his way into a job at the Columbus Welcome Center.

The station employee then said something about using Mapquest. Yes, that web site would work - but c'mon, this was Victory Drive. How many regulars on that street really can afford an iPhone?

What can we learn from this scene? I drew several conclusions from it. All gas stations along well-traveled routes such as Victory Drive should have maps, at least as a courtesy for visitors. But getting directions may be different from visiting a doctor -- as getting a second opinion might leave you thoroughly baffled.

Sports items dominate our review of the Sunday headlines:

+ WDAK confused sports fans with some of its programming. Tune in at one point, and you heard Columbus State starting a men's basketball game. Tune in 45 minutes later, and you heard Falcons football. I almost expected the biggest surprise of all to happen - a Georgia Tech broadcast.

+ The Columbus State women's soccer team won its second playoff game in a row, shutting out Carson-Newman 3-0. The Cougars must have been the lower seed, because they had to play two different teams....

(The Cougar attack was led by two goals from first-year player Stephanie Parrish. They could have won without her, I suppose - but Parrish the thought.)

+ The Atlanta Falcons scored a touchdown with 20 seconds left to collar Carolina 20-13. Believe it or not, the Falcons are only two games out of first place in the N.F.C. South - so maybe those prayer vigils for Michael Vick are working already, and he'll be quarterbacking the team in December while on probation.

(Morten Andersen kicked two field goals for Atlanta, making him the first player in National Football League history to score 2,500 points. He's scored more points in a 25-year career than Barack Obama might make in all his years of politics.)

+ Instate Message to the Atlanta Hawks: That was a bit of a slap - playing a home game at the same time the Falcons were on TV. Or were you trying to cleverly disguise another loss?

THE BLOG OF AMERICA: As if the Writers' Guild strike was not enough, stagehands went on strike over the weekend at theaters on Broadway. I'm already writing extra jokes every night - and now am I going to have to sing and dance as well?

+ Also in New York, Elizabeth Hasselbeck of "The View" gave birth to a baby boy. So much for taking a step toward peace, by naming a baby girl Rosie....

+ Which reminds me: Rosie O'Donnell admits talks have broken off with MSNBC for hosting a prime-time talk show. This seemed like the wrong channel all along, anyway. O'Donnell ought to be teamed with the "Queer Eye" guys on Bravo.

+ Former President Bush went skydiving in Texas over the weekend, at age 83. I'm admittedly baffled by this. Why would he want to illustrate his son's popularity level over the last three years?

+ The current President Bush welcomed German Chancellor Angela Merkel to his ranch in Texas. The dollar's value is so weak that every leader in the world may line up outside the White House over the next few weeks.

+ Across the U.S., people are marking Veterans Day - including a federal holiday today. How many young pro football players had to receive an explanation from their coaches, about why next Sunday is not Rookies Day?

+ A new book called "The Terrorist Watch" reveals an F.B.I. agent provided Saddam Hussein with a suit, for his trial in Iraq. [True/NBC] I'm a bit surprised Johnnie Cochran and his family didn't have any to spare....

(Saddam Hussein purportedly told that F.B.I. agent during debriefings that he pretended to stage rebellions inside Iraq, so he could trap his enemies and have them executed. How many office managers took note of that one, and plan to start some surprise whining today?)

+ Israeli authorities raided as many as 20 government offices. They're looking for evidence of fraud against Prime Minister Ehud Olmert. If he's learned anything from Saddam Hussein, all that evidence was quietly shipped into Syria months ago -- and maybe dropped on that mysterious factory.

+ A new $750 million tollway opened in Chicago - but for the first day, it was only open for bicycles. If crude oil prices keep increasing, of course, that could change....

+ The Sunday pro football schedule included Dallas downing the Giants 31-20. The Cowboys won despite a taunting penalty on what could have been the last play of the first half, which led to a Giants field goal. Only after the game could we confirm Terrell Owens did NOT change shirts and play defense.

(Would you believe Terrell Owens is now one of the captains of the Dallas Cowboys? Last year at this time, he seemed like a more likely candidate for captain of a mental hospital's fantasy league.)

+ Jimmie Johnson captured his fourth NASCAR race in a row, winning the Checker Auto Parts 500 in Phoenix. Johnson is the favorite to clinch his second Nextel Cup in a row next Sunday - and then people will start wondering who is that pretending has-been on "Fox NFL Sunday."

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.95 a gallon at Dolly Madison on Victory Drive.... FREE dinner for military personnel and veterans from 5:00-9:00 p.m. at Golden Corral.... and maybe some leftover pom-poms in the South Commons parking lot, after the cheerleading championships....

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1921 (- 95, 4.7%)

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