The Blog of Columbus, Georgia

31 JAN 06: MESSY MONDAY

First a logjam on Manchester Expressway in the morning, then a big wreck on Interstate 185 in the afternoon - OK, who invited all the Atlanta drivers to come down to Columbus Monday for a convention?

Some Columbus drivers may have felt like they were in a big city Monday. It began during morning rush hour, when the traffic lights went out at Armour Road and Manchester Expressway. Add some morning fog, and this tricky intersection might as well have been in the middle of Rome - only with SUV's instead of midget cars.

The traffic lights went out at Armour Road and Manchester Expressway when a school bus went out of control, and hit a transformer at Willy's Wings. If you want your wings hot, this is NOT the way to accomplish it....

At least all the other drivers were careful on Manchester Expressway -- but I'm told the mess backed up westbound traffic to Peachtree Mall. And to make matters worse, none of the drivers knew the exact time when the mall's coffee shop opened.

The Columbus city traffic engineering department turned into traffic reporters -- urging drivers to use Gentian Boulevard or Warm Springs Road as alternate routes. Why did Clear Channel Radio drop its traffic updates, anyway? Was Kohl's tired of advertising in a city where it doesn't have a store yet?

The intersection of Armour Road and Manchester Expressway finally was cleared for traffic around 10:30 a.m. The school bus driver had no passengers, and received only minor injuries. And when countless other Columbus drivers reached work, they wrote down a "Plan B and C."

Then came mid-afternoon - and a hailstorm hit parts of Columbus. A friend of mine says she wondered to herself, "Why is the rain so noisy?" The answer - it was a lot more solid.

Not long after pea-sized hail fell, a chain-reaction wreck developed on Interstate 185 near Manchester Expressway. Six separate collisions occurred involving 11 cars - prompting some guys to say, "Woo-hoo! Only 20 more days until the Daytona 500!"

The good news is that traffic improvements are on the way this year, in parts of Columbus. The bad news is that none of it will occur in the areas of Monday's big wrecks -- so find another route, before the insurance companies find out and raise your rates.

Interstate 185 will undergo a widening this year - but in the area between St. Mary's Road and Victory Drive. Those Hummer drivers heading to and from Fort Benning need every extra foot they can get....

When the widening process on I-185 ends in a few years, a curve between Victory Drive and St. Mary's Road will be straightened -- the one with a sign claiming if lights flash overhead, you're going too fast. I've NEVER seen these lights turned off! So maybe the city knows how Columbus residents really drive....

Another widening project planned for this year will turn Warm Springs Road from two lanes to four, between Hilton Avenue and the Doctors Hospital area. This will mean a wider road past Buck Ice - so you could wind up with ice that's been touched by human car exhaust.

If you asked me what part of Columbus is most in need of widening, I'd propose Veterans Parkway between Airport Thruway and J.R. Allen Parkway. It's a big growth area, with Columbus Park Crossing as a hub -- but the city of Cataula should pay half the cost, since its residents may benefit most.

Now let's slow down to explore other issues from Monday:

+ The trials of "S.O.A. Watch" trespassers began in U.S. federal court. Supporters of the 32 suspects staged a march with crosses downtown - which puts to shame the children of St. Luke School, who never carry crosses when they have Easter parades.

+ Speaking of marches, what's this I'm hearing about plans to protest the Starship store on Veterans Parkway? Apparently some people are upset about the "adult items" on sale there. Why they aren't starting up the road at the Cat Walk Lounge, I have no idea....

+ "One Columbus" began a series of seminars on your constitutional rights. Mayor Bob Poydasheff told WRBL the series is designed to show the things we all have in common. This is probably also the point of the "Trim Down Columbus" campaign, to lose thousands of pounds....

+ A study released by Emory University in Atlanta found most political speeches are motivated by emotion, as opposed reasoning. So if you've resisted donating to this blog, think of all the poor and starving children in Haiti I could help if you gave.

+ Instant Message to WRBL's Creshon Saunders: OK, so a Shaw High School student was "yelling verbal threats." But how else do you expect someone to yell a threat? I mean, other than typing e-mails in all-uppercase?

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

30 JAN 06: DAYS OF WINE AND MOSES?

The news left me shocked - simply SHOCKED! Former President Jimmy Carter is making wine in Sumter County?! The people who were questioning whether he's really a Southern Baptist MUST be ready to kick him out now....

Jimmy Carter disclosed his wine-making hobby on "CBS News Sunday Morning," as a reporter visited the former President's home in Plains. Please do not confuse this with Mr. Carter's famous speech about a "national malaise" - which was whine-making.

Former President Carter is into oil as well as wine. He started doing oil paintings, for a cover for one of his books - and now they sell for as much as $250,000. Which means, of course, it's very unlikely any resident of Plains owns one....

CBS News even went into Jimmy Carter's wood workshop. He still has the workshop his Cabinet bought for him as a Presidential "going-away gift." If he used it to make voodoo dolls of Republicans, they apparently haven't worked.

An armoire made by the former President will go up for auction next month, with the proceeds benefitting the Carter Center in Atlanta. Can you see a Republican buying this, filling it with dirty laundry, and taking it on campaign tours?

Former President Carter also is promoting his 20^th book, a bestseller called "Our Endangered Values." He makes a good point with that title - because I read over the weekend the dollar's value is dropping, while gold prices jump.

Jimmy Carter says Vice President Cheney has been "somewhat careless with the truth" when it comes to events in Iraq. But he told CBS he's been careful NOT to criticize President Bush. Mr. Carter may be saving that for a church dinner, one of these years....

The former President spent part of this past week in the Palestinian Authority, monitoring the historic election there. He declared the vote "completely honest, completely fair, without violence" - then hopefully left before the angry Fatah fighters started shooting up buildings.

Jimmy Carter has a son considering a political career. He said he has NOT talked with Jack Carter about running for the U.S. Senate in Nevada. The name recognition certainly wouldn't hurt - since Jack Carter used to be a headline stand-up comic in Las Vegas casinos.

Can you believe this month marks 25 years since Jimmy Carter left the Presidency? After all these years, he says he has "total confidence in this nation and its people." Please notice he did NOT say he has total confidence in the Republican administration....

E-MAIL UPDATE: We were ready to move on from this issue, but a message in Sunday's InBox indicated we should not:

Richard,

Whatever happened to the request for being able to post comments on your blog [13 Jan]. Did I miss the follow up blog?

Regards,

Hippity Hop

No you didn't, Hippity. Why, you didn't Hop over it at all....

It turns out no one has asked us to add comments to this blog, beyond the e-mailer who asked about it. We've had five e-mails in that time (we're holding one until next weekend) - including Mr./Ms. Hop's. But maybe if we add more Hops, things will be tastier here.

Now for other short hops from Sunday, the 145^th anniversary of the founding of the state of Kansas:

+ Callaway Gardens completed a "Chocolate Lovers Weekend." But people who attended may have gone home disappointed - because the mayor of New Orleans didn't show up to demonstrate how chocolate is made.

+ A report on highway patrol pay revealed 15-year veterans of the Georgia State Patrol earn an average $13,000 less than officers in North Carolina. This comparison seems misleading to me. For one thing, North Carolina troopers have a lot more wanna-be stock car racers to chase.

+ Former Auburn basketball coach Cliff Ellis appeared as an analyst on an Atlantic Coast Conference telecast. Ellis called actions in the Miami-Florida State game "dumb" several times. Who knows what he has to say about Auburn Interim President Ed Richardson....

(WLTZ showed two Atlantic Coast Conference basketball games, instead of the opening weekend of arena football on NBC. Apparently the new Chattahoochee Valley Vipers aren't advertising on this station.)

+ One Way Deliverance church on Martin Luther King Boulevard held its annual "family, friends, neighbors and loved ones day." It's nice to see the enemies have a Sunday all to themselves....

(Did you see the videotape of the One Way Deliverance service? A woman was singing in the center aisle, and quickly spun around twice as she did. If you didn't know better, you might have guessed a Muscogee County Sheriff's Deputy showed up with an arrest warrant.)

+ Instant Message to Cornerstone Baptist Church in Ellerslie: I watched part of your televised service Sunday - and if you can only afford choir robes for the women, perhaps you should start an on-air fund-raising drive.

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29 JAN 06: HUBCAPS, HOUSEKEEPERS AND HACKING

Car buffs probably already know this, but I didn't notice it until Saturday night - that some Columbus Police cars do NOT have hubcaps. I suppose the regular squad cars do without, so the D.A.R.E car and the undercover drug agents can look sharp.

As three Columbus Police officers dined at a Wynnton Road restaurant, I was parked near their squad car - and that's when I noticed it lacked hubcaps. Hopefully no one walked up and swiped them, while they were inside....

Someone pointed out to me later that hubcaps aren't really a necessity for police cars - and she may have a good point. The first city budget projections for fiscal 2007 show a big shortfall, which could mean more big personnel cuts. Can the squad cars do without taillights, too?

Reports over the last few days indicate Columbus Police may have to cut five desk positions, to balance the city budget. There's an easy way to handle this, of course. Have officers shoot some suspects, then put them on desk jobs during internal investigations.

City Manager Isaiah Hugley also suggests ten police officer positions be "unfunded." They'd be filled only if recruits are ready to take them. This sounds familiar for some strange.... oh yes. Alabama's basketball team has only seven scholarship players right now.

All Columbus city departments would be hacked by the budget ax to some extent. The fire department would lose five "non-firefighter" positions - which apparently means a couple more potluck dinners at the stations every week.

But has too much been cut from public safety already? A caller to WRCG's "TalkLine" claimed Friday when the St. Mary's Road fire company went out on a recent call, someone burglarized the station while everyone was gone. Whoever needed a 40-foot ladder for house painting should give it back....

Your blog has confirmed through another source that the St. Mary's Road firehouse robbery actually happened. Firefighters don't like to admit it, but crews often leave stations unlocked when they're out on calls. Maybe the answer is more fire dogs - like pit bulls.

A tight city budget apparently means there's no "house keeper" to lock up fire stations, when crews are out fighting fires. But perhaps we should ask if there needs to be one. After all, anxious shoppers lock their cars at 5:00 a.m. for sales on the day after Thanksgiving.

City Manager Isaiah Hugley is warning department heads to prepare for 150 position cuts, because Columbus has a nine-million dollar city budget deficit. And some of us thought a city sales tax on three-dollar-a-gallon gasoline would take care of that....

You may recall Columbus city government cut more than 100 positions last year as well. But City Manager Isaiah Hugley told the Ledger-Enquirer the end result was only two layoffs of people. Some vacant positions were trimmed, some people transferred to new jobs -- and if all else fails, there's an AFLAC job fair.

The biggest cuts this time may come in the city parks department, where 30 positions could be cut. Last year's cuts left at least two youth football fields unused, and without goal posts. Another cut this year, and it may come down to which house in the neighborhood has the biggest backyard.

City officials emphasize all this chatting about cutting is preliminary. A lot can change between now and the first city budget hearing in June. For one thing, City Manager Isaiah Hugley could win the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes.

Even with talk of staff cuts, Mayor Bob Poydasheff says he hopes to find a way to increase base salaries for police officers. He realizes that way, he can increase something else - base support for a second term.

In all of the stories about a tight city budget, nothing was mentioned about that one-percent "split sales tax" proposal - the one which the school board has endorsed. Remember that bandwagon? Maybe it's stuck in the dirt on Broadway, amid the Streetscape construction.

BLOG UPDATE: The Friday night news went back to The Wash Company on Talbotton Road, and updated a story you saw first here [18 Dec 05]. The dryer times are being trimmed again, and now a quarter gets you only six minutes of drying. If I want six minutes of hot air, I'll go to an oratory contest for free.

The Wash Company blames the reduced drying time on higher natural gas prices. But hasn't Atmos Energy promised the prices will go down in February? Doesn't this mean customers should get a different sort of "daylight savings time" come spring?

I have my own sneaky way of saving quarters at the coin laundry dryers. If you saw a car this weekend with three pairs of socks and a pair of jeans in the rear window facing the sun, you found it....

Now for other items from a warm and sunny weekend:

+ The Columbus Symphony Orchestra presented a "salute to Fort Benning" concert, to welcome home the Third Brigade. I was unable to attend this - so did they play that classic rock song, "I fought the law and the law won?"

+ Across the street, the Springer Opera House began a production of Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet." I don't want to give away the plot - but I'll say only this: they didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement.

+ Phenix City School Superintendent Larry DiChiara announced a new environmental science center will be created, and named after late assistant Jeff Adams. He stopped short of naming a department on statistical probability after a former Superintendent, who enjoyed gambling in Biloxi....

+ Georgia's largest school bus maker "Bluebird" filed plans to enter bankruptcy. The demand for busing in the South simply isn't as strong as it used to be.

+ The "Real Time" telecast from Cascade Hills Church featured Pastor Bill Purvis admitting he was baptized with a busload of Alabama prison inmates. Come to think of it, this pastor doesn't wear many striped shirts....

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths edged Florida, to sweep a three-game home stand. It was "Legends Night" at the Civic Center - complete with two former players pretending to get in a fight. Well, if that's the only thing that makes you legendary around here....

+ Auburn edged Georgia in men's basketball 66-65. Unlike football, this "rivalry game" had plenty of empty seats at Beard-Eaves Coliseum. Can someone persuade the football players to take up basketball in the winter -- simply to give tough fouls?

(Somebody's got to ask it: is coach Jeff Lebo's job safe, with so many seats at Auburn home games empty? He hasn't drawn a loyal following to match Cliff Ellis's "Cliff Dwellers" - and isn't even doing commercials for Jeff-y Lube.)

+ Instant Message to Golden Corral: So it's "Carver's Sunday," huh? When is the day for Northside High? And Hardaway? And Shaw?

COMING THIS WEEK: An area school marks a big anniversary....

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

for 28 JAN 06: DOWN WITH THE KING

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this humorous, serious, or a little of both - but from time to time, we offer things to reflect upon as we keep the seventh-day Sabbath.)

Ask some of my co-workers, and they'd describe me as a conservative guy. Ask enough people at the church I attend, and some probably would describe me as dangerously liberal. For one thing, I don't own any guns -- so at this time of year, I spell it "dear hunting" and look for single women.

I've been reminded at church over the last couple of weeks of how liberal some of "the brethren" consider me to be. Two weekends ago, I was Worship Leader on the weekend of Martin Luther King Day. At least, most churches call it that. We say "Song Leader" -- as if a Higher Power really is in charge.

The Worship Leader starts the service, with a few remarks and a couple of hymns. I mentioned the approaching M.L.K holiday, noted it was also the 20^th anniversary of the death of our denomination's founder - and said both men showed bravery and courage. I didn't mention the two never met, and only one staged protest marches.

I never named either Martin Luther King, Jr. or the denomination's founder - but the passing reference was too much for at least one church member. That member didn't come to me about it, even though the Bible says you should "go to your brother." Maybe he thought I was a "bro" instead - and he didn't consider that good.

Someone else brought up that member's anger, as I walked into a discussion at church last weekend. "There he goes, praising that n*****r," the member was quoted as saying. Given my congregation's background, the only African-American man he might have accepted was Colin Powell.

Thankfully, the other people in the discussion were on my side on this topic. They said some members "need to grow up," instead of holding prejudice against Martin Luther King 38 years after his death. But then again, my Pastor declared during the service that the Roman Catholics never disfellowshipped Adolf Hitler.

Other members of the denomination I attend also object to Martin Luther King's glorified legacy. One has a blog in Tampa, and wrote the other day about all sorts of faults Dr. King had. It's a good thing King was never nominated for the U.S. Supreme Court....

I'm well aware Martin Luther King had flaws. But I'm also well aware that I do as well. Your e-mails of correction remind me of that. And thankfully, I have yet to be called before Oprah Winfrey for a televised public lecture.

Call me naive, but I try to examine both the positive and negative traits of people -- and learn from both of them. That goes for Dr. King, my denomination's founder, and even my parents. The latter explains why I don't smoke, don't swear - and don't hide a handgun under the front seat of my car.

By the way, I wonder if the church critics of Martin Luther King checked the denomination's web site - and noted almost nothing was posted on January 16. The denomination's home office showed some respect, and took M.L.K. Day off. And that office is in a city which didn't even have a pro basketball game.

COMING SUNDAY: The budget dance begins again.... or who robbed the firehouse?....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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27 JAN 06: ACCESS DENIED II

It's a rare day when we have a blog sequel - and this one really isn't. Call this title a reminder of why you should recycle....

We actually have two access issues today, neither of them about cable television. First there's Fort Benning -- where officials confirmed Thursday they will NOT reopen the access point at St. Mary's Road. If you even try to enter there, the controlled burners may come after you.

Concrete barriers were set up at the St. Mary's Road access point to Fort Benning after the attacks of September 11, 2001. Now they're apparently there to stay. And if Fort Benning could stack several of them on top of each other, we might have a new racquetball court in town.

A Fort Benning spokesman told WRBL the barriers at St. Mary's Road would be removed only for two reasons. One would be if an emergency required someone to be rushed off post for medical treatment -- but of course, a well-timed train on Buena Vista Road would get in the way of that.

The second reason for removing the concrete barriers at St. Mary's Road would be if Columbus needed to make a mass evacuation. For example, if the weather forecast calls for an inch of snow....

Some people who live on St. Mary's Road are NOT pleased by Fort Benning's decision. They're concerned about having only one way to go when they leave their homes. Now they know how visitors to Riverfest feel, around 4^th and Broadway.

On top of that, Columbus Council recently approved the construction of about 300 new homes along St. Mary's Road. Maybe this will finally convince a local radio station to bring back traffic reports....

Georgia Congressman Lynn Westmoreland visited Columbus this week, and said alternative access roads are being planned for people on St. Mary's Road. For instance, there could be an entrance to Fort Benning on Cusseta Road - which could be exactly what some car thieves have been waiting for.

At another corner of Columbus, a meeting was held late Thursday on moving the "Streetscape" project to the 1000 block of Broadway. Business owners are quite concerned about this construction work - since this is a block of Broadway which people actually like to visit.

Some of us saw this concern coming months ago, when Streetscape work started. The 1000 block of Broadway has become a bustling spot after dark, with clubs and restaurants -- and now the city plans to rip it up?! What Peachtree Mall manager is over this project, anyway?

An executive with Freeman and Associates told WRBL the Streetscape work between 10^th and 11^th on Broadway will be done in quadrants, starting this spring. And some of the work may be done on weekends, so downtown loft residents won't need any Fountain City Coffee to wake up on Saturday mornings.

Buddy Nelms of The Loft said special promotions might be needed in the spring, to keep visitors coming to his nightclub during the Streetscape work. For instance, he could bring in the loudest rock bands on the planet to drown out the noise.

One possibility under discussion for the 1000 block of Broadway is to open public access to an alleyway, so customers can park and enter nightspots. Apparently the late-night drunks who use the alley for bathroom breaks will need to move up a block or two....

Contractors admit the Streetscape work might mean the end for some businesses in the 1000 block of Broadway. Hopefully the city won't tear apart an area finally making progress after all these years. But don't be surprised if "Club Oxygen" hands out actual oxygen masks, for handling the dust.

Now let's get to work on other items we unearthed on Thursday:

+ The day's mail brought me an offer to try Netflix free for a month. One page had a list of "new releases" - in November. If this is how fast the DVD service works, there had better not be any late fees.

+ WXTX "News at Ten" reported investigators from Aruba plan to visit Auburn University, to interview classmates of Natalee Holloway. Holloway planned to enroll at the University of Alabama - but c'mon, folks! The flag teams can't possibly be THAT competitive.

(One tabloid I saw Thursday claimed Natalee Holloway became a "sex slave." If they can't find her body, how do we know that? Have all the young men in Aruba added extra notches to their belts?)

+ Third Brigade Major Steve Warren told WRCG's "TalkLine" after serving in Iraq, the "tolerance for silliness and frivolity" by returning soldiers has gone down. So much for the theory that this blog would gain new readers....

(Steve Warren also noted soldiers returning to Fort Benning from Iraq have to be reminded to stay in their own lanes when they drive. I think ALL drivers need to be reminded of this - especially the speeders on Interstate 185.)

+ Atmos Energy announced its cost of obtaining natural gas will drop 24 percent in February. Hooray - now if the weather forecasters will stop showing us those maps of Canada, and claiming a cold wave is coming in a couple of weeks....

+ Georgia Secretary of State Cathy Cox officially launched her campaign for Governor. She criticized state officials for not traveling to Detroit, to appeal for saving the Ford Hapeville plant. Maybe they're so used to taking from lobbyists that they don't know how to give back.

(Of course, you could turn this argument the other way. If Cathy Cox can do commercials about investment scams, why hasn't she done ads urging people to visit their Southern Ford Dealers?)

+ A state office building near the Georgia Capitol was named after the late Senator Paul Coverdell. Governor Sonny Perdue said he'd never heard anyone have anything bad to say about Coverdell. Apparently he never watched the Michael Coles attack ads several years ago....

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths held off Huntsville 4-2, in a game marred by five game-stopping fights. It was "C.S.U. Night" at the Civic Center, but "WWE Smackdown Night" would have been more appropriate.

+ Chattahoochee Valley Community College split a basketball doubleheader with the Faulkner State Sun Chiefs. The Sun Chiefs?! It sounds like what you call the board of a solar paneling company.

+ Instant Message to the Krystal near 55^th and Veterans Parkway: About your sign outside: "TRY OUR NEW BREAKFEAST. IT BRAIN FOOD" - whoever puts those letters up must not have eaten it.

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

26 JAN 06: FINE AND DANDY?

The Georgia Office of Consumer Affairs issued fines against several gas stations Wednesday, for price gouging during last August's "panic at the pump." The only things these stations should be "jacking up" are cars with flat tires.

The most notorious example of price gouging in Columbus was among those punished by the state. A B.P. station on Buena Vista Road charged five dollars a gallon at the height of the panic - and seven dollars a gallon for high-octane. That was a day when "premium unleaded" truly lived up to its name.

The Georgia Office of Consumer Affairs fined the owners of the "B.P. on B.V." $2,000 for its five-dollar gas price. Huh - ONLY $2,000? This station could pay that off, with about 20 SUV drivers getting fill-ups.

It turns out the fine against Triple Star Fuels is in the midrange of what the Georgia Office of Consumer Affairs is issuing. Gas stations are being fined anywhere from $500 to $4,000. What did the top-end stations do - refuse to provide free car washes?

(An Albany convenience store also was fined $2,000 - "Homerun Foods #1." The managers tried for a home run, but wound up striking out.)

The Georgia Office of Consumer Affairs has received about 3,000 complaints in recent months about gas price-gouging. But at this point, only 66 stations have been charged with violations -- so apparently a five-cent overnight increase does NOT count.

The lowest gas price we've found in Columbus this week has been $2.21 a gallon, at the Dolly Madison bakery on Victory Drive. I think I've finally figured out how this place has such low prices. It doesn't sell tobacco, so it saves money on cleaning supplies.

While the state of Georgia issues fines for gas-gouging, oil companies continue to make a lot of money. ConocoPhillips announced Wednesday its 2005 profits went up 66 percent from the year before. I've wondered for years where the name "Phillips 66" came from....

Meanwhile, Georgia's Governor signed a bill Wednesday to confirm a three-month break on natural gas and propane sales taxes. Democrats in the legislature accused Sonny Perdue of taking only a short-term approach to high energy prices - and they have a good point. The tax breaks would end just in time for gas grill season.

E-MAIL UPDATE: We told you Tuesday about the lack of public access cable channels for local groups in the Columbus area. We've now heard from a fellow blogger in central Ohio, who's found a similar dilemma:

None up here either. The company that operated them went defunct a couple years ago. Tough to pay the bills when your service is free. I understand the desire to start low cost but every time I ever browsed through cable access there was usually some nut or a puppet show. Not sure that's really the venue to be on.

Hey, wait a minute here -- what do you have against puppet shows? When I was young, I was cuckoo for "Kukla and Ollie" instead of Cocoa Puffs....

(Hmmmm - "some nut" on public access cable?! Maybe this guy saw Jerry Laquire on WCGT after all.)

Now for other things we thought about Wednesday....

+ An afternoon trip down Victory Drive found several trees trying to bud near the Dolly Madison bakery. January has been so warm that I join these trees, in dreaming of an early spring - and rooting for the winter clearance sale on corduroy jeans.

+ The late news reported Advance Fast Tax on Second Avenue has reopened, 11 months after a police raid found methamphetamines inside. The report left one big unanswered question - does that tax office still have tanning beds?

(Some people living near Advance Fast Tax are upset about the reopening, saying it makes the neighborhood unsafe after dark. It's next to a convenience store, down the street from Valley Rescue Mission -- yet a tax office makes things unsafe?! Maybe its refund checks simply are too big....)

+ WRBL presented its first live report from inside the Opelika-Auburn News. But reporter Chris Sweigart sat quietly for about ten seconds, clearly due to a long delay in the audio. Hopefully they'll find replacements for the tin cans and string in coming days....

+ The Georgia House gave final approval to a "Voter ID" bill. Rep. DuBose Porter accused Republicans of rushing it through the legislature, to rig this year's election. The G.O.P. should listen to him - because Democrats rushed through a new state flag a few years ago, and they've lost seats ever since.

+ The Georgia House also approved a bill declaring every February 6 "Ronald Reagan Day." Several lawmakers asked why there should be a day for him, when there isn't one for former President Jimmy Carter. Someone should have quietly told these lawmakers Mr. Carter isn't dead yet.

+ Columbus State University split a basketball doubleheader with Georgia College and State University. Several Columbus Cottonmouths attended the games - but they had to be frustrated by what they saw. After all, you can't even hand-check someone in college basketball.

+ Georgia was jolted in men's basketball 81-52 by Louisiana State. L.S.U. led 50-19 at the half - and a few fans in Baton Rouge wondered if the Atlanta Hawks had shown up by mistake.

+ Instant Message to the driver who passed me with the license tag "KRIDDER": Do you plan to change that tag, if the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer gets a new owner?

FREE VERSE: The Ohio blog we mentioned above noted the other day that a suspected terrorism leader released a tape, in which he recites poetry. If that man can do it, so can I:

There once was a man named Usama,

Who seemed to like Barack Obama.

He tried to attack,

But the U.S. pushed back -

With soldiers based in Alabama.

It's called "free verse" because you didn't pay for it! To make a PayPal donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 6069 (+ 143, 2.4%)

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

25 JAN 06: HOW TO HIDE A BIG BOX

A move is underway which could make large Columbus stores more difficult to find. But it's only fitting, in the home area of Fort Benning and camouflage green uniforms....

The Columbus Planning Department has been working with local agencies and developers on new rules for so-called "big box" stores. These are stores the size of a Wal-Mart, a shopping center the size of Columbus Park Crossing - and maybe cars the size of a modified "stretch limo" Hummer.

City Planning Director Rick Jones apparently is concerned because there aren't many trees around Columbus Park Crossing. There's one obvious way to change this - have the staff at A.C. Moore put bouquets of silk flowers all over the parking lot.

So an ordinance is in the works to set rules for the land around future giant stores, including plenty of trees. It's modeled after the code in Tallahassee, Florida - which may not be a good thing, because Florida State football players may have tried to use those trees to hide their shoplifting.

A preliminary version of this ordinance not only would require trees in the parking lots of "big box" stores, but clearly marked pedestrian walkways. The ones pictured in Tallahassee looked nice and wide - perfect for skateboarders to practice some moves.

The outside design proposal also would require bicycle racks. Yeah, right - like people go to Best Buy or H.H. Gregg on bicycles, to pick up washers and flat-screen televisions.

New large retail stores also would have to show some variety in their building design - and use "appropriate materials." I'm not sure what that means - but I suspect Action Buildings won't like this very much.

The proposal even sets rules for what happens if a large retail business closes. Or as they're calling it at Winn-Dixie -- phase two.

The preliminary ordinance would require large businesses to maintain their parking lots and landscaping after they close. And boarded-up windows would NOT be allowed -- since they certainly didn't work in New Orleans.

City Planning Director Rick Jones says the point of this proposal is to make sure Columbus has retail rules that are "protecting the community." People in Midland probably wish they went farther - to allow bicycles and pedestrians around the new Wal-Mart SuperCenter, but no cars.

The "big box" proposal may have its inspiration in the recent redesign of "The Landings" shopping center along Airport Thruway. A lot more green space has been added, nicer storefronts have gone up -- and the move of that Applebee's restaurant about 500 yards was a stroke of genius.

Now let's store all this in the trunk to guard against theft, and check other headlines from a busy Tuesday:

+ The Georgia Senate approved an amended "Voter ID" bill. Columbus Democrat Ed Harbison opposed the bill, saying restrictive rules of identification will result in "voter constriction." Republicans would argue the alternative is fraud at the polls - and people attempting voter construction.

+ A Georgia House committee approved a bill allowing courthouses to display "historical documents." The Ten Commandments would have to be included with the Declaration of Independence and the Mayflower Compact. Obviously Ed DuBose hasn't heard about this, because the Emancipation Proclamation is missing.

+ Then Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue attended the annual meeting of the Columbus Chamber of Commerce. He said Chambers of Commerce create prosperity, while governments do not. Uh-oh - what tax cut does he plan to take back?

+ Alabama gubernatorial candidate Roy Moore announced he'll help lead the committee for a state constitutional amendment, to ban same-sex marriages. In another shocking development, Auburn University decided to have classes.

+ Banker Aiford Hardin, Jr. announced he'll run for Russell County Probate Judge. Hardin told WRBL he started campaigning "right after my last campaign" six years ago. Apparently things aren't going well - because he couldn't even afford a lectern, for his outdoor announcement.

(Aiford Hardin says he is NOT running for Probate Judge because of all the controversy surrounding incumbent Al Howard. So apparently they agree on one thing: the Probate Judge's office is fine right where it is.)

+ The Russell County Commission approved a tax plan for Industrial Warehouse Services of Cottonton. The business plans to double its space for housing paper products -- once again proving the forecasters of a "paperless society" in the computer age were complete idiots.

+ Phenix City Mayor Jeff Hardin told WRCG's "TalkLine" the annexation of Ladonia is a "good scenario." Let's see him say that to the people who fled there to avoid city taxes....

+ The Georgia Lottery awarded its second big prize in LaGrange in five weeks - as teacher Jon Powell had a million-dollar scratch-off ticket. I'm waiting for Don Siegelman to declare this a "border town" conspiracy, and call again for a state lottery in Alabama.

(Jon Powell says he wants to use the lottery winnings to pay for college for his two children. Yet a daughter said she wants to go to the University of Georgia. Why doesn't she save her parents some money, and get her grades up for a HOPE scholarship?)

+ WRBL visited the Lumpkin Library, and found things much more peaceful from a year ago. For one thing, people who enter with drooping pants now are barred from the building for the day. How they're supposed to check out books about shopping for belts, I have no idea.

+ The jailed twins from Georgia who were approved for "American Idol" spoke out on Atlanta radio. One of them said you can't be a real American Idol "unless you've struggled, unless you've been in poverty, unless you've been abused...."
[True/WVEE-FM] I think this is also required to be a Democratic political candidate.

(Based on this definition, it appears American Idol winners Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood should give up their titles. Why, this show isn't about singing -- it's about whether their parents qualified for the Earned Income Tax Credit.)

+ Kentucky kept Auburn winless in Southeastern Conference men's basketball, 71-62. Auburn broadcaster Rod Bramblett openly called the home crowd "disappointing," and Kentucky announcers noted it was small. So? When do they expect the football team to focus on their studies?

(It probably didn't help that Auburn played a home game at 6:00 p.m. CT on a Tuesday night. Suppertime is an important Alabama tradition - and tailgating outside Beard-Eaves Coliseum simply isn't cool.)

+ Instant Message to Russell County Emergency Management Director Chance Corbett: I'm updating my will - and I hope you'll understand if I don't mention you. After all, I've been told for years: "Leave nothing to Chance."

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 5926 (+ 160, 2.8%)

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

24 JAN 06: ACCESS DENIED

When you're given a church project and you're unable to accomplish it, the feeling can be downright discouraging. After all, the Bible says believers can do "all things through Christ" - but it doesn't add any fine print saying, "unless everybody else says no."

The latest project I've been given involves cable television systems in the Columbus area. The denomination I attend wants to put a new weekly telecast on "public access" channels. In religious terms, this is called "wise stewardship." In the business world, this might be called "cheapskate."

The Pastor of our congregation knows I have a television background, so he asked me to call local cable companies and see if our program could go on public access. This is different from "Government Access" - where the only religion occurs when someone gives an invocation at council meetings.

But I had bad news for the pastor last weekend. I'd already made several calls - and discovered NO cable companies in Columbus or Phenix City offer public access channels. Perhaps that's not surprising, since several companies provide little "public access" to human phone operators.

Once upon a time and perhaps under a different owner, Cable TV of East Alabama had a channel offering local news and information. But I was told no public access channel is available now. Why would they tear THAT down to redevelop downtown?

The Columbus cable systems are no better. You won't find a public access channel at NO-logy - oops, I mean Knology....

Charter Communications controls cable systems not only in Columbus, but also Auburn-Opelika and LaGrange. A check with their mystery main office Monday revealed they only have public access channels in South Carolina. Maybe that state has more loudmouths than we do around here.

The cable system in Eufaula also lacks a public access channel. It's the same story at MediaCom in Columbus -- where I guess the staff is too busy working on silly satellite TV jokes, for that comedy club in the commercials.

A background sheet for the religious telecast says cable companies provide public access channels "as partial compensation to communities for their use of public rights-of-way." Not in this area, they don't - except for channels for local government and schools. In other words, happy politicians come first.

Perhaps this explains why several low-power commercial TV stations exist around the area. WCGT TV-16 has acted like public access cable at times over the years, with talk shows hosted by Miriam/Eve Tidwell and Jerry Laquire. And of course, that's how Mike Gaymon of the Chamber of Commerce sprang into radio work.

Now that TV-16 is owned by Tampa's Christian Television Network, most of the local talk shows have disappeared. One exception is "Unity" on Sunday afternoons, perhaps because it has commercial sponsors - and probably because unlike Jerry Laquire, host Pam Willis-Hovey tends not to call anyone names.

While a few Columbus churches show weekend services on TV-16, they probably have to pay for that privilege. The congregation I attend is looking for free TV time - and admittedly, we're a little hesitant about trying to get that attention by calling for the assassination of world leaders.

Perhaps if enough members of the public speak up, public access cable channels will appear. But then again, maybe the Internet age is making these channels outdated. The denomination I attend puts its new telecast online - although it's much harder for guys with TV remote controls to find.

Now YOU have full public access to the Monday news headlines:

+ Congratulations to Columbus State men's basketball coach Herbert Greene, who won his 500^th college game! The Cougars conquered South Carolina-Upstate 94-89. So where are the rumors about drafting HIM to run for Mayor - since he's won a lot more than Bob Poydasheff?

(Columbus State's leading scorer was a sickly Ron Robinson. Coach Herbert Greene admitted on WDAK at one point, Robinson vomited on the bench - perhaps thinking he was playing South Carolina-Upchuck.)

+ Columbus Airport manager Mark Oropeza confirmed he's negotiating with United Airlines, to start daily direct flights to Washington's Dulles Airport. How many lobbying trips does AFLAC have to make?

+ Phenix City School Superintendent Larry DiSciara told WRBL Alabama students are at a disadvantage compared with other states, because they're in class only 175 days a year. Aw, c'mon - simply tell the teachers to speak a little faster every day.

+ Opelika Mayor Gary Fuller announced a new police task force will focus on cleaning up drug dealing. The first target area is within a couple of blocks of police headquarters - which makes you wonder why the officers didn't simply park down the street, and start working on the walk toward the building.

+ Columbus NAACP President Bill Madison declared he opposes Georgia's "Voter I-D" bill, because it's immoral and isn't "in line with the Bible." Maybe I'm missing something here - but where in the Bible does it say people voted for leaders? At all??

+ Former Georgia Governor Zell Miller pulled another "zig-zag" - appearing at an anti-abortion rally in Atlanta, and repudiating his years of support for abortion rights. This man doesn't need a statue outside the state capitol. He should have a weather vane, turning back and forth.

(Zell Miller explained he changed his mind about abortion after he saw ultrasound images of his great-grandchild. Imagine if he saw pictures of bums, who spent all their money on lottery tickets....)

+ Ford announced it will close its Hapeville plant near the Atlanta airport, as part of a major downsizing. Only a couple of years ago, Ford was considering whether to build a new plant in Meriwether County. People in West Point had better not sell their property until the Kia plant has its grand opening.

(Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue told reporters there's "nothing wrong" with Ford employees, the plant or the entire state. It's nice to see he remains hopeful about Hapeville....)

+ In the weather, the morning low in Columbus was 57 degrees F. It was warm enough that for the first time, I took a morning jog outside. I did fine until the rain started falling -- and my body asked what in the world I was doing running outside at 8:30 a.m. in late January.

+ Back in basketball, the Atlanta Hawks handled Indiana 104-94. What a relief this must have been - to see the Hawks score 23 more points than Kobe Bryant had the night before.

+ Georgia basketball player Mike Mercer was named Southeastern Conference freshman of the week. He has a great sports trivia name - as another Mike Mercer was the kicker for Kansas City in Super Bowl I. This was way back, when three-point field goals only happened in football.

+ Instant Message to the man I saw on Fourth Street wearing an Atlanta Falcons replica jersey with Steve Bartkowski's name on it: Are you setting a trend here - suggesting the Michael Vick era is over already?

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 5766 (+ 180)

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

23 JAN 06: TITLES THAT TICKLE

As of Sunday evening, my Yahoo "bulk mail" file had 5,586 messages in it. At this point, I believe I've heard from every Nigerian and Liberian con artist at least four times.

SPAM-A-RAMA: I used to go through my Yahoo bulk mail and clean out the spam which didn't interest me. But I've become so busy that I don't even bother anymore. Since Yahoo deletes messages there after 30 days, it's become to me like a stock market average. The Bulk Index is at 5,586, and trading is moderate.

Sometimes spam e-mails can be good for a laugh - and you don't even have to open them. The computer-generated titles of spam messages can be somewhere between illogical and strange. But then again, some of the big words could help children prepare for a school spelling bee.

Here are some REAL titles of spam e-mails I've received in the last few months - and my thoughts about them:

"YOU TRAVEL THE NICOTINE DETAILED"

That's a misleading accusation. When I walk to convenience stores, I buy cookies or soda -- and sometimes corn chips.

"BE HURT ON SUNFISH RAPTUROUS"

If I fell into that giant new aquarium in Atlanta, that actually could happen.

"BE HOWIE, BUT PROFUSE"

I can't be Howie anymore. Hungry Howie's on Manchester Expressway closed a couple of years ago.

"TO CLEAN A ARAB INGREDIENT VERMICELLI"

Aw, c'mon - how in the world can you clean someone from Saudi Arabia with pasta? You can't even (ahem) conduct a colonoscopy with that.

"IT FILL MY VIVISECTIONIST"

Why Taco Bell is resorting to e-mail advertising, I have no idea.

"A HYPOTHESIS VICK"

My hypothesis is that Michael in Atlanta is smarter than Marcus at Virginia Tech.

"OR MARBLE ROLLO"

Wasn't this a candy commercial years ago? "There are lots of marble Rollos in a roll for you - if you don't care 'bout what you chew...."

"HE SLEEP AS CREAM"

On the top bunk of the bed, I suppose - since cream supposedly rises to the top.

"SWEAT, DO YOU LOVE ME OR NOT?"

No, I did NOT send this message to myself after a run in July....

"HELLO ATOP THAT PRINCESS ACTRESS."

Talk about a case of mistaken identity! I've never even dated Anne Hathaway.

"NOT WANT DO RAPE."

Who WOULD want to do one? Well, besides the registered sex offenders....

"GUARANTEE, IT'S IDIOT"

Amazingly, this was NOT written by a critic of Columbus Council.

"GO TRANSLATE GO REVERBERATION FORMLESS"

What is this supposed to mean? Is someone going to shout across Providence Canyon in Spanish?

"AS DO BY GRUMBLE LOLLIPOP"

I think this describes a little girl being told to clean her room.

"NO MAKE MY PANEL KIN"

Well, why not? A little nepotism always helps in winning government contracts.

"YOU WORRY TO PLANET SMASHER"

Sometimes prayers can be like that....

Let's delete all these e-mails now, and check real events from Sunday:

+ The high temperature in Columbus was a record-tying 76 degrees F. Fort Benning recorded 79, while Atlanta was stuck in the 50's. And so many people think these places are just the opposite -- at least when it comes to their ways of thinking.

+ The Temple Shearith synagogue held its first Martin Luther King, Jr. memorial service. Excuse me for asking a strange question -- but did the nonviolent approach promoted by Dr. King stop the Nazi holocaust?

+ "Miss Georgia" Monica Pang finished second at the Miss America pageant in Las Vegas. She shouldn't give up hope, though -- as maybe some weirdo will post naked photos of Miss Oklahoma online.

+ "Dateline NBC" reported health inspectors went to a Save-A-Lot grocery store in Eatonton, Georgia recently, and found more than 100 expired products. So? Maybe this is how they make the prices so low - by leaving out the preservatives.

+ Pittsburgh and Seattle advanced to Super Bowl XL. The Steelers' offensive coordinator is former Falcon running back Ken Whisenhunt, while the Seahawks' center is former Falcon Robbie Tobeck - so they both seem to know the road to a Super Bowl leads away from Atlanta.

+ Instant Message to the man I saw outside Fourth Street Baptist Church wearing a bright pastel orange top hat and a pinstriped suit: I know Tennessee beat Florida in college basketball on Saturday, but you could have been a bit more modest
about it....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

22 JAN 06: PASSAT FANCY

The big "Monster Truck Tour" completed a two-night stand at the Columbus Civic Center Saturday night. Hopefully none of the trucks got loose, the way those bulls did last weekend - because Columbus Police cars wouldn't stand a chance....

My dad drove 18-wheelers around greater Kansas City for decades. My big brother still does, making regular runs up the interstate to St. Joseph, Missouri. Yet I was NOT drawn to the Monster Truck tour. If the trucks aren't carrying stacks of dog food or 55-gallon drums of oil, what's the point?

Instead, I was drawn this weekend to a different sort of vehicle. My mailbox recently had an enticing offer to try out a new Volkswagen Passat. It wasn't enticing because my present car is 12 years old. It was because it offered something almost as valuable -- a 50-dollar gas card.

All I had to do was test drive a new Passat, get a business card from a Volkswagen dealer, mail in a form and receive a 50-dollar gas card. Yet I admittedly had a bit of trepidation about this. Would the dealer play "hardball" with me, to make me buy a car? Would the salesman know my credit score, simply by looking at me?

Carl Gregory Volkswagen is located just north of the J.R. Allen Parkway, a bit east of Veterans Parkway, and toward the end of what might be called Carl Gregory Boulevard. The street is filled with car dealers - and there's still open green space, in case Hummer ever decides to have a Columbus location.

If you want to test drive a car, Friday morning is a great time to do it. No traffic bothered me at all on Carl Gregory Boulevard, and no other customers were in sight at the Volkswagen dealer. But then again, the sales team had nothing else to do but sequester me all day....

"That's the first one of those I've seen," said Miles the salesman inside Carl Gregory Volkswagen. I received the Passat gas card offer weeks ago, but this was new to him. Maybe all the other southside residents who received it need METRA bus service to reach that part of tow -- assuming there is some.

(By the way, isn't Miles a great name for a car salesman? I wonder if he'd have to change his name to Kilometers in Canada....)

Miles was puzzled by the offer I'd handed him. "Do you need me to stamp your card?" he asked twice. Nope, a business card and a test drive were what I needed. But he seemed reluctant about the test drive part. It was almost as if he suspected something was up - like the test would go to Cataula, and leave him there.

After taking the offer to a mystery manager I never saw, Miles went to another room and picked up the key to a Passat. It's a key unlike anything I've ever seen - as you simply push it in to start the car. The only "cranking" you do on this model is to turn up the stereo.

Miles took the wheel for the first part of the test drive, and asked some questions like he was trying to figure me out. What do I drive now? A 1994 Honda. Would you be trading it in? Yes, I'd have to -- and I said this before noticing the Passat's $29,000 sticker price.

The one-lap test drive began with Miles turning right onto Veterans Parkway - and he powered the six-speed automatic transmission from 0 to 60 in only a few seconds. Thankfully, no police officer was around to remind him the speed limit is only around 40.

The card from Volkswagen noted the 2006 Passat 2.0T has 120 "not-so-standard features." I checked a few from the passenger's seat, such as the sunroof and completely built-in stereo. And I especially admired the "one-liter bottle holders" in each door - since my car's "cup holders" barely handle 12-ounce cans.

Miles turned the Passat into the parking lot of Marvin's Market for my turn behind the wheel. We both noted how empty Marvin's was, especially for a Friday. Has the upcoming Wal-Mart SuperCenter scared this business away already?

Miles had set the driver's seat with plenty of leg room - space I did NOT need, since I'm not that tall. So instead of relaxing behind the wheel, I sat up as if I was about to start a NASCAR race.

The speaker in the driver's side door of the Passat was covered with bright blue masking tape. Miles explained the person doing "detailing" on the car hadn't quite finished his job. I could relate to this, as in 1990 I bought a car without a working gas gauge. The first tank was quite a guessing game....

We drove north on Veterans Parkway to Williams Road, but I did NOT do the 0-to-60 thing Miles did. I'm a true weirdo when it comes to Columbus driving - as I actually think the speed limit signs mean what they say.

Turning onto Williams Road, Miles showed me how the "Tiptronic" shift option of the Passat works. Even though the car has an automatic transmission, I can override it and use manual gears. How he did this from the passenger's side, I'm not quite sure - but I'd want to know, if I'm ever carjacked.

Another unusual feature of the Passat is an electronic dashboard with a timing mechanism. You can figure out how many minutes it will take to drive from one place to another. In Columbus, this might be helpful. In accident-prone and gridlock-filled Atlanta, this would be ridiculous.

Williams Road winds into Moon Road, and Moon Road took us to the J.R. Allen Parkway so I could try a bit of highway driving. The entrance to the freeway in the Passat was quiet and smooth. Sometimes with my old Honda, the engine's noise mixes with me saying, "I think I can...."

The quick test-drive was over in less than 15 minutes - and to tell the truth, the Passat was a pleasure to drive. On top of that, Miles was a mild-mannered man to deal with. He was anything but a high-pressure salesman. In fact, when I first saw him I almost thought he was the parts department manager.

Miles read me correctly on one point: I really was there for the 50-dollar gas card, not a contract for a $29,000 Volkswagen Passat. We left shaking hands, and I promised to keep him in mind when the time came to buy my next car. But I did NOT tell him a "blogger on a budget" doesn't need much more than a Beetle.

Now let's take a spin around the area, for headlines from a truly springlike weekend:

+ The annual "march for life" abortion protest was held outside the Government Center. You have to admire these protesters' tenacity - because no one on Columbus Council has called for a local abortion ban in years.

(The "Chattahoochee Valley United for Life" activities included a Saturday night concert at the Trade Center. The headline act was a group called "Ezekiel's Eye." Well, I assume it's a group - since there's no listing for it under optometrists.)

+ "One Baby Place" at Doctor's Hospital marked its tenth anniversary. So is it old enough now to have a sibling named Two?

+ The Muscogee County "Junior Marshals" meeting held a kickoff program inside the Government Center. It's nice to see former Marshal Ken Suddeth's old honorary badges are being recycled....

(Deputy marshal Wilbert Williams says the Junior Marshals' program will include competitions, to reduce delinquency by promoting work as teams. C'mon now - these youngsters can watch "Survivor" every week and learn something different.)

+ The racketeering trial of former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman was scheduled for early May. The Siegelman campaign is pleased by this, because the trial should end before the primary in June. But really now - is THIS how you want to build name recognition for a candidate before an election?

+ CBS's "48 Hours Mystery" focused on the case of Atlanta college student Shannon Melendi. Butch Hinton was convicted of killing Melendi in 1994, even though her body never has been found and there's no real crime scene. This could mark the beginning of the end for those "CSI" shows....

+ The "Northland Neighbors" newspaper reported about 700 people joined me at the RiverCenter opera January 11. So the Bill Heard Theatre was only 35-percent full -- yet the Mozart Opera Theater is coming back next year. This is obviously NOT the National Football League....

+ Auburn marked 100 years of college basketball, by losing at home to Arkansas 68-52. WRBL claimed the Tigers would wear "throwback uniforms," but they certainly didn't look that way to me. And it absolutely didn't look that way, on the Auburn dance team.

(The basketball centennial included a "legends game," and an appearance by Charles Barkley. And the Auburn fans continued a long tradition of their own - as there were all sorts of empty seats in the upper sections.)

+ Columbus High School won a Georgia state wrestling title in its division. So who do the wrestlers get to face, when "WWE SmackDown" comes to town?

+ Instant Message to WKZJ "K 92.7": You didn't play many Lou Rawls songs after he died. You didn't play many Wilson Pickett songs after he died. Do you really want me to turn off your station, and play that Time-Life "Soul Ballads" collection all day?

COMING SOON: The thing I said which made someone utter a racial slur.... at church....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

for 21 JAN 06: FINGER FOOD

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this humorous, serious, or a little of both - but from time to time, we offer things to reflect upon as we keep the seventh-day Sabbath.)

Before we begin, we send sympathies to a fellow area blogger, Chuck at Redneckin. He's lost a close relative in east Alabama in recent days. He put it better than we could: "Uncle NoPass has passed."

"His pointing and yelling and gesticulating thing at the line." That was how Atlanta sports columnist Mark Bradley described quarterback Peyton Manning's play-calling this past week. And I thought he was making sure the Indianapolis Colts moved toward the correct end zone.

But a different sort of finger-pointing was Bradley's focus. "Look in the mirror, Manning," was his title - saying the Indianapolis quarterback should NOT blame a weak offensive line for last weekend's playoff loss to Pittsburgh. Instead, Manning should blame himself. After all, his loss should prove finger-pointers don't win.

Yet hold on a minute here. By chastising Peyton Manning for finger-pointing, isn't Mark Bradley doing some finger-pointing of his own? He's done it for decades in Atlanta. In fact, I sometimes wish a sports team would name HIM head coach -- since he's such a genius at these things.

It's easy for newspaper columnists to point fingers. So can politicians, radio talk show hosts -- and yes, even bloggers. That's why I try to be careful and check myself, before I post comments on other people and things. To borrow a phrase: if you're going to blog the blog, you should also jog the jog.

Have YOU looked in the mirror lately? And I'm talking about more than making sure you didn't miss a spot while shaving....

Here's what I mean: are you accusing others of mistakes or omissions, when you're guilty of similar behavior in some way? If so, it's time to look closely at yourself and make some changes - since others may quietly be pointing fingers at YOU, and expecting change themselves.

There's a word for the disease of finger-pointing and blame-placing - one adapted as the name of a Christian rock band: "Plankeye." It comes from the New Testament, and it's really not a new problem at all. If you're doing it, ask God for help in overcoming it. It's always better to look in the mirror, and see things clearly.

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

20 JAN 06: ADULTS UNDER CONSTRUCTION

"Excuse me," said a young man who sat down next to me at a library computer. The young man had dark black man sticking up straight, as if he might be Don King's grandson.

"I'm not very computer literate," the young man admitted in a quiet library voice. "How do you look up somebody?" I assumed he wanted something basic - and wasn't going to a web site like Facebook to insult a girl wearing nothing but a bikini.

"Whitepages dot-com?" I guessed. I did NOT suggest Google to the young man, because I presumed he was looking for an address or phone number. The wrong name combination at Google might lead him to phony nude pictures of Elizabeth Vargas.

I showed the young man how to type in an Internet address - but his lack of literacy showed again. "Where's the dot?"

"That's a period," I answered. So why haven't these addresses ever been called something like "Whitepages-period-com?" Were the Internet inventors concerned some women might take it as harassment about their femininity?

The young man looked at the Whitepages.com home page for a few seconds, and knew Windows well enough to click off a pop-up ad. Then a woman who seemed to be the man's mother showed up to join him. Two heads are better than one, they say - but they don't make computers with two keyboards to match.

The man and woman were trying to track down someone who supposedly had moved to this area recently. When they asked for my help again, they'd done some sort of search - but came up with a list of 133 Georgia cities, and nothing to click for more details. These Mary Smiths must spread like gypsies....

I didn't know what to say this time, to help the man and woman. We carried on our own computer activities from there. I hope they found the person they wanted - because I'm still too nervous to try a dating web site to do the same thing.

It's been 11 years since I first learned how to use Windows and the Internet, at my old workplace in Atlanta. That seems like a long time - so it was a bit surprising to find a young man who was admittedly computer illiterate. But then again, I've driven cars for 30 years without knowing how to change the oil.

The Chattahoochee Valley library system used to offer free courses, teaching "newbies" about computers. Well, many of the students were up in years -- so I guess they were "old-bies."

But Thursday night, the Columbus Public Library had a different sort of computer class -- on blogging. Since they didn't invite me to be a guest lecturer, did they bring in someone else? Or is this an admission the library's "Clog" doesn't have many readers?

People like the young man I met Thursday are a reminder of why libraries have "public access computers" in the first place. They're very helpful for new users, low-income people who can't afford home computers -- and don't forget the workers on their lunch hours, with serious addictions to online billiards.

As I left the main library, I came across another teaching moment -- only not for me. "Put the sign back," a mother told her toddler on the stairway. No, the giant plaques listing school board members were NOT in danger of toppling....

A closer look at the mother and toddler showed the child had ripped off part of the "watch your step" sign near the bottom of the stairway. Young children clutch and grab things so much, it's a wonder more of them aren't pro hockey players.

Putting back a torn "watch your step" sign seemed to be asking a bit much of this toddler. But the mother did NOT seem to panic in embarrassment, and carry the child out the front door in a rush. That's like football teams taking quick snaps after close calls - much too obviously guilty.

BLOG BLAH BLAH: Now for entry number two, in our search for an official Columbus flavor to rival a "chocolate New Orleans":

BBQ Duck....

Ed

Hmmmm - this brings up some good questions. Does AFLAC have a commissary? Does Country's Barbecue serve the food? And is smoked barbecue banned, so people who sell cancer insurance don't look like hypocrites?

Before we get to some special fun Friday features, let's quickly check the Thursday news headlines:

+ The last few military planes flew Third Brigade soldiers out of Iraq, and back to Fort Benning. They were delayed a few days in Kuwait, because flights were suspended after the country's emir died. It's only been 15 years since U.S. forces helped liberate Kuwait -- and already they're rebelling.

+ WRBL reported the Bradley-Turner Foundation will provide a $200,000 grant to keep a local "mental health court" open. Uh-oh - maybe THIS is why I seem to see so many Columbus Police cars when I go outside to run errands.

(So why doesn't daytime TV have a "mental health court?" It would be the perfect place to track former Jerry Springer guests.)

+ The Talbotton City Council suddenly canceled its meeting - reportedly because a TV news crew was coming, to ask questions about monthly tax bills for a volunteer fire department. Some residents say the department doesn't exist. So imagine how many TV news crews will show up when a fire starts....

+ Americus resident and former Attorney General Griffin Bell told the Georgia Public Policy Foundation the state's public education system is badly broken. This compares with local supporters of a split sales tax -- who say it's simply badly BROKE.

+ WXTX "News at Ten" interviewed an East Alabama woman who has a dog specially-trained to help her, when she has epileptic seizures. The dog even can dial 911! Now who will train a dog to work through voice mail lines at a bank?

+ Carolina Panthers kicker John Kasay appeared on a Billy Graham TV special, and confessed he "stepped on people" in his drive to be successful at the University of Georgia. So what? He's a place-kicker - and he probably had to hurt a holder or two during practice.

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: Today marks five years in office for President Bush. He was inaugurated on Saturday, January 20, 2001 - and here's a bit of how we covered it the following Monday, in the 22 Jan 01 LaughLine:

The inauguration is over. The transition is complete. We have a new U.S. President. And all across the country, people now wait and wonder - who will the right-wing radio talk show hosts pick on NOW?

George W. Bush became President on a cold, rainy Washington day - just as Albert Gore said a Bush victory would feel, in one of his last pre-election speeches [LaughLine, 7 Nov 00]. Now we're scared. Maybe Mr. Gore DOES control the weather - and we may have four years of the worst global warming ever.

In his inaugural address, the new President called on the country to be "citizens, not spectators. Citizens, not subjects." Our dictionary [Webster's New World] defines citizen as "a native...." Citizen can also be defined as someone who "is entitled to full civil rights." Let's see Mr. Bush say that personally to voters in Palm Beach County.

Mr. Bush made an appeal for national compassion, by drawing from a Bible story: "When we see that wounded traveler on the road to Jericho, we will not pass to the other side." Be sure you keep a copy of this speech for the first time you do this, and you're an hour late for work.

(We're NOT supposed to pass by? Isn't this why God invented cell phones - so we can report those problems to police?)

An aide says Ronald and Nancy Reagan watched the inauguration on TV "with fascination." That sounds like a polite way of saying Mr. Reagan didn't recognize anyone he saw.

George W. Bush and Bill Clinton rode together in a limousine from the White House to the Capitol for the inaugural ceremony. What do you think they talked about during that ride -- the latest going rate to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom?

One of Mr. Bush's first acts was a directive to block many of the last-minute executive orders Mr. Clinton had issued. Some didn't become official until they were published in the "Federal Register." But of course, Mr. Clinton can get them published in the "New York Times" instead....

One of President Bush's first executive orders proclaimed Sunday a "national day of prayer and thanksgiving." And you thought Bill Clinton's orders were extreme. Mr. Bush didn't give us any warning, so we could go buy turkey and dressing, invite the neighbors....

(And how can you possibly have a "thanksgiving day" on a Sunday when the National Football League is off?)

Inauguration Day ended with the new President and First Lady visiting EIGHT inaugural balls in Washington. The only other thing in Washington that needs that many balls to please everyone is the Washington Wizards basketball team.

One of the inaugural parties the Bushes visited was the "Florida State Ball." The dress code there was formal - white tie and dangling chad.

Sunday morning found the first family at Washington's National Cathedral for a "unity service." The ministers included Protestant Franklin Graham, Pentecostal Jack Hayford, a Greek Orthodox Archbishop, a newly-named Catholic Cardinal and a Texas Rabbi! Smart move by President Bush - he figures God must listen to ONE of 'em.

The first family welcomed thousands of ordinary citizens Sunday afternoon, at a White House "open house." The President admitted he needed to "brush up on the history" of the house. Lesson one, Mr. Bush: it was NOT named after a man named White.

The furnishings in the Oval Office already have changed. The White House staff put in an off-white carpet over the weekend, and removed a royal blue carpet. We can't wait to see the Drudge Report's expose, checking that blue carpet for (ahem) stains....

The inauguration brought protests from Washington to Tallahassee. Someone actually threw an egg at the President's limousine, during the inaugural parade! Mister Bush may have to heal a division he never expected -- between the high-fat and high-carbohydrate diet groups.

A high school group from near our town went to the inaugural. They reported protesters blocked their way to the parade route, and burned U.S. flags as they did. Well, it WAS a cold day in Washington - so maybe police banned fire barrels.

SONG OF THE DAY: The Super Bowl teams will be determined this weekend - and we can't help thinking about one of the Pittsburgh Steeler defensive players. We hear his name, and think of the old folk song "Polly Wolly Doodle":

Oh, I really thought that he held that ball -

I say Polamalu caught it on that day!

And the referee really blew that call -

Because Polamalu took the pass away!

Thanks to Troy, thanks to Troy --

Steelers won at RCA!

He helped stop the Colts, and now Denver's next -

Watch for Polamalu playing on Sunday!

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

19 JUN 06: TWOS YOU CAN USE

Before we start, check your cash stash - and see if you have any two-dollar bills hiding in it. If you do, please do NOT be concerned. We are NOT publishing Leonard Crain's latest scam alert from the Better Business Bureau.

My Pastor recently said during a sermon that the two-dollar bill virtually has disappeared, because no one wants to use it. I don't recall exactly why this came up during a sermon - because he hasn't preached against gambling in a long time.

But the pastor's comment sparked some old thoughts in my mind. I used to ask from time to time for a few two-dollar bills, when I went to the bank on payday. I was doing my part to keep them in circulation - and make sure business money-takers were paying attention on the job.

Inspired by my pastor's words (though he probably wanted me to be inspired by other things), I went to my bank last payday and asked if they had a couple of two-dollar bills. I've learned over the years that not all bank branches have them -- just like not all banks offer any real interest on checking accounts.

The staff in the bank office had a few twos stored away. In fact, they brought me out FIVE of them. It was a perfect opportunity to see what would happen as I passed them around the area. Would people say anything? Would they summon police, and accuse me of being a cheapskate counterfeiter?

So over the last eight days, we've conducted what might be called Blog Experiment 2.00 - and now we share the results, of our passing around two-dollar bills.

2.1: A bread store in Phenix City. There's no reaction at all. It's all simply "bread" to them.

2.2: A main-floor bar at the RiverCenter, between acts of last week's opera. Two dollars buys you a 12-ounce mini-bottle of soda - which means four bucks for 20 ounces at the Georgia Dome actually is a better value.

The man at the bar takes my two, like it's nothing unusual. Maybe he considers me one of those typical eccentric arts spenders.

2.3: A dry cleaning business on South Lumpkin Road. I need quarters for the laundromat next door. The woman behind the counter seemed to pause for a moment -- but from her accent, I think she'd dealt with Euros as well as dollars.

2.4: A Spectrum station on Wynnton Road. The young woman there says nothing - perhaps thinking my two is the bait to distract her, so I can run off with a package of cookies.

2.5: The Library Café, inside the Columbus Public Library. It was nice to see Wednesday the price of brownies here has dropped from two dollars to one -- and the size isn't much smaller, either. Little Debbie slashed its brownies in half a year ago, to the size of about three Scrabble squares.

I offer $2.10 to the man at the counter, and receive only three cents back in change. "I gave you a two-dollar bill," I quietly point out.

"A two?!" the man says rather puzzled. Then again, someone else had to point out I was waiting at the counter for service in the first place.

The man wearing a military veteran cap (no, it's not Jim Rhodes) turns around to double-check the register - and sure enough, there's a two in the drawer. He gives me a one-dollar bill, and everything is settled. The man doesn't apologize, though - he's not one of those wimpy Vietnam vets like John Kerry.

So what does five times two equal -- other than ten? Nothing spectacular, really. We only found one error in handling the unusual bills, and no comments from recipients at all. Maybe businesses see more two-dollar bills than my pastor realizes -- which means maybe more people go to Victoryland than anyone knows.

BLOG UPDATE: Speaking of the Columbus Public Library, did you hear about the unusual honor it received? It's been named one of five model library systems in the U.S. - which means not everyone has heard about that fuss with the Albert Paley sculpture.

WRBL reports the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation cited the Chattahoochee Valley library system, in part for all the computers patrons can use. Considering Mr. Gates's company arranged computer donations for many libraries a few years ago, this could be a Microsoft version of the Pillsbury Bake-Off.

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation also praised the Chattahoochee Valley library system for its financial endowment. Members of Columbus Council might argue it's not big enough - because the library board still has to go through the city to approve new statues.

BLOG BLAH BLAH: If New Orleans can be chocolate (or at least that was the mayor's dream for a couple of days), what flavor is Columbus? We're asking for your ideas, and now we have one:

WAVY GRAVY is the flav in Columbus. Walk into a Country's or McDonalds around here-you know what I am talking about.

T

I'll have to take your word for this one, T. I thought they only poured gravy on the Country's mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving - and McDonald's seems to hold the gravy on its breakfast cinnamon rolls.

Now let's satisfy our appetite for Instant Messages....

+ To the second graders at Glenwood School: OK, I admit - I'm jealous. You've already had a book published?! Can I have the name of your agent?

+ To the man standing downtown on Veterans Parkway, holding a sign: "I'M HUNGRY, CAN YOU HELP?" I didn't count you as a Blogger Beggar, because I was in the left lane. Stand in the median, and we might talk - dangerous though that would be.

+ To Tim Hudson: Why did you say during Wednesday night's Atlanta Hawks broadcast you "haven't decided whether to accept" an invitation to play in the World Baseball Classic? Are you dropping hints that an incentive clause should be added to your contract?

+ To the driver of an Intrigue with the Muscogee County license tag, "THICKS": Are you a Mr. Hicks? A Ms. Hicks? Or the manager of a Hardee's restaurant?

COMING FRIDAY: A song for the N.F.L. Conference Finals.... and one player in particular....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

18 JAN 06: FROM VICTORY TO DEFEAT

Columbus area law officers got their men Tuesday. Two escaped murder suspects from Russell County were captured at a Victory Drive motel. In this case, the checkout time was about 10:00 a.m. - and was strictly enforced.

Authorities say a tip from the street led them to the Georgian Motel on Victory Drive - one of those old-fashioned small motels where you wouldn't expect the customers to even leave a tip for the maid.

A manager at the Georgian Motel said a woman in her 50's checked in accused murderers Johnny Jones and Lamar Benton Saturday afternoon, and paid for a three-night stay. So they were about to wear out their welcome Tuesday, anyway -- and even worse, they might have to look for a place at the Baker Village Apartments nearby.

A Russell County Sheriff's officer says Lamar Benton and Johnny Jones surrendered peacefully, when authorities stormed into their motel room. The suspects reportedly had no weapons - but did have pizza and playing cards. The simple pleasures of freedom can be the most satisfying....

The escapees were hurried before a Muscogee County Judge, where they signed papers allowing them to be returned to Alabama. Don't you wonder why they didn't try to fight extradition, and stay in Columbus? After all, the Muscogee County Jail is closer to many more restaurants.

A CNN news crew was waiting for the escapees, when they arrived at the Russell County Jail. If these guys had remained on the loose a few more hours, Nancy Grace may have come down from Atlanta and called them names.

Lamar Benton and Johnny Jones were awaiting trial in separate murder cases. Now they face escape charges as well - and it's really hard to plead "not guilty" when you're caught in a room with maid service.

Lamar Benton and Johnny Jones were kept Tuesday night in solitary confinement areas of the Russell County Jail. They're being kept away from other prisoners - in case the escapees were able to watch "Prison Break" in their motel room, and take notes on it.

Russell County Sheriff Tommy Boswell admits his jail is overcrowded. But he says that was NOT the reason for three accused killers getting out early Saturday. Since guards were overpowered, perhaps the reason lies in an exercise room that's too good.

Sheriff Tommy Boswell says he's making personnel changes, in the wake of the weekend jailbreak. He urged Russell County residents Tuesday to give him confidence to make those changes. Did he mean ONE resident in particular - and why would Probate Judge Al Howard snoop around in this?

One unsettled question from Tuesday's capture is who helped the escapees get a motel room for three days. The woman who paid for the room listed an address near St. Francis Hospital, which turned out to be a business. Hmmmm - it might be an employee who considers the business a bedroom, and sleeps on the job.

While that search continues, at least this story ends with two pieces of good news. For one thing, wanted men are back behind bars. For another thing, David Copperfield could perform his disappearing acts at the RiverCenter Tuesday night without facing police questioning.

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION concluded Tuesday night, and found most of you are NOT impressed by the proposed one-percent sales tax for both city and school projects. Six out of seven voters were against it - proving again the only "split" many people like involves bananas and ice cream.

One comment left in our week-long poll suggested Columbus voters won't be willing to approve sales tax questions until the property tax freeze ends. Are THAT many people in the city living in apartments and rental houses? Or is this an aspect of global warming that scientists haven't considered?

"I voted for a one cent sales tax in 1998," wrote another comment-maker in our poll, "and look where it got me." Trouble is, the writer wasn't more specific -- so it might have given her a fuel-efficient car, to commute to Columbus from Harris County.

Even without a split sales tax, Columbus is finding money for projects in other places. A two million dollar state grant was announced Tuesday, to connect two areas of the Riverwalk downtown. This way, joggers like me won't be tempted to climb the steps at 12^th Street anymore - and get our sweat all over River Club members.

Now for other news and notes from what one person called a "nasty" Tuesday:

+ Detailed plans were unveiled for the new National Infantry Museum. WRBL reported it will have Georgia's "first IMAX theater outside Atlanta." Obviously this museum's board doesn't have any members from the Space Science Center....

+ Opelika's City Council considered a proposal to ban smoking in most public places. Is this a good idea, in a place which claims to be a railroad town? Those old steamy locomotives might never come back.

+ Randolph-Clay High School set a Georgia record, as the boys' basketball team won its 77^th game in a row. Amazing! This streak has lasted longer than Kenny Chesney's marriage to Renee Zellwiger - and now it's gaining on Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.

+ Instant Message to New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin: Thanks for making me do some serious thinking. If your city is going to be "chocolate," I think Columbus could be described as a "rocky road."

(BLOG BLAH BLAH: What flavor best describes Columbus, or nearby cities? Let us know - as we may be on to something here.)

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

17 JAN 06: BE AFRAID? BE VERY AFRAID?

David Copperfield brings his "Grand Illusion" show to the RiverCenter tonight - complete with several disappearing acts. He'd better not have anything to do with that Russell County jailbreak....

(But then again, a co-worker told me Monday he wouldn't mind if those two escaped suspects showed up at the David Copperfield show. He said Copperfield might make them vanish once and for all, so we don't have to worry about them again.)

The national news media began focusing on the Columbus area Monday, and the search for two escaped murder suspects. Russell County Sheriff Tommy Boswell appeared on several cable channels, by phone and via satellite - but so far Greta Van Susteren hasn't shown up for an ambush interview.

It may be only a matter of time before the "star detectives" of cable TV show up in Phenix City, to join the search for the teenage suspects. But before you get your hopes up, remember - Rita Cosby and Greta Van Susteren looked all over Aruba, and the young men THERE remain on the loose.

The search for missing murder suspects didn't scare away the Phenix City NAACP. It held its annual "Freedom March" for Martin Luther King Day Monday, beginning at the Russell County Jail. Prisoners probably wouldn't want to join this group, because none of the marchers drove getaway cars.

If the manhunt for suspected killers has you scared to go outside, what I found the other day may not help. An online list claims several places in the Columbus area are haunted! And these places do NOT offer hayrides in October, either....

A Google News search on a totally different topic uncovered a lengthy list of allegedly haunted places across Georgia. It includes the most legendary spot in Columbus, the Springer Opera House. Why the management doesn't call Knox Pest Control to stop those noises, I'll never know.

But some of the other allegedly haunted places surprised me:

+ Jordan High School - which actually shows up twice, for two different spots in the building. You'd think all the recent construction there would have scared ghosts away....

+ "Crybaby Bridge" near Whitesville Road. You supposedly can hear a baby crying, because a child drowned there long ago. You mean it's NOT some property owner who turned down the Columbus Park Crossing developers?

+ The downtown section of the Riverwalk. If you hear heavy breathing there, please do NOT be alarmed - I'm simply out for a jog.

(But maybe there's another theory for this listing. Visitors think the Riverwalk is haunted because they show up when jail inmates are cleaning it.)

Before you bite your fingernails off entirely from fright, let's check some more calming news from Monday:

+ The Rainbow/PUSH Coalition served a free M.L.K. Day lunch to about 450 needy people. All we need now are 364 more groups to do this, and no one in Columbus might need to beg for food again.

+ New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin suggested Hurricane Katrina was sent by God to punish the U.S., for the intervention in Iraq. So why did his city wind up with a lot more damage than Fort Benning?

(Well, at least liberals and conservatives now agree on this issue. God delivered a message to the Gulf Coast -- but they can't figure out exactly what it says.)

+ Productions and stars from the Columbus area struck out at the Golden Globe Awards. "Warm Springs" failed to win. "My Name is Earl" star Jason Lee, whose parents live in Eufaula, failed to win. And "Brokeback Mountain" did so well that every Baptist preacher failed to win.

+ The Atlanta Hawks DID win, handling Houston 94-83 for their tenth triumph of the basketball season. Only three more wins to go, to match the Texas football team....

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths had a day off from practice, because the Civic Center ice rink was dismantled for the PBR bull riding event. There, you see? This proves the cowboys are wimps - because they won't ride slipping and sliding bulls.

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

16 JAN 06: THE GAS-UP GAME

The low gas price in Columbus on this Martin Luther King Day is $2.20 a gallon. Which station will dare to follow the King example and declare for the holiday: "Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty it's free at last"?!

(I actually passed an Atlanta coin laundry years ago which offered free dryers on M.L.K. Day. The washers were left up to you - perhaps so you could battle your conscience over separating clothes into "whites" and "colors.")

I filled my gas tank Sunday afternoon at Raceway on Victory Drive - but it turned out to be quite an adventure. It started with a sign on the pump noting it's a "prepay" station. So many people are driving off without paying for gas that some stations should install turnpike gates at the exits.

I wanted to buy some soda with my gas, so I walked inside Raceway to hand over my credit card. "I'm filling up on number nine," I told the "Associate" (so said his name tag) at the counter.

"We're prepay all the way now," the Associate said. "How much?" Huh? It's a fill-up -- and I do NOT drive a luxury car with a digital gas tank.

The Associate then explained the Raceway prepay rules, which were so surprisingly complicated in my ears that I needed them repeated. "You tell us how much you're prepaying. We take it off your card, and have you sign a transaction statement. If you spend more than that amount, we do a separate transaction for the difference. If you spend less, we do a transaction refunding that amount for an extra inconvenience." At least he had a sense of humor about it.

I could avoid all of this by swiping my credit card at the pump - but I wanted to put the soda on my card along with the gasoline. So I answered the Associate in a way which sounded appropriate for these rules. "OK, Bob Barker, I'll guess 22 dollars for my tank of gas."

The Associate swiped my card, and a female co-worker began chuckling at all this. "It sounds like a game show," I explained in semi-disbelief. "Will I have to spin a wheel a little later?"

"Yes, and you'll have to pick a lucky number," the Associate answered. Imagine if this Raceway had been crowded....

"I've been watching 'The View' instead of 'The Price is Right,' so I don't know all these rules." Uh-oh - a guy probably shouldn't be admitting that in public.

The Associate swiped my card and gave it back, and I started to head for the car. "No, come back," he said stopping me. "You still have to sign for it." I knew the price of gas was going as high as some mortgage payments, but this was ridiculous.

I signed receipt #1, THEN walked outside and filled my gas tank. But I couldn't clean my windshield, because the fluid holder with the squeegee was empty. When did the price of THAT liquid go out of control?

It was a dramatic finish to my gas fill-up, but I wound up at $21.10. I went back inside Raceway and pointed out, "I came close to my actual guess without going over." But come to think of it - I overbid at 22 dollars, didn't I?

By the way, I had an old RaceTrac cup for my fountain soda. From previous trips to this station, I knew that's another game you have to play. "Refill cup! I called it!" I said as I walked back in the door. An attendant became upset months ago because she rang me up before I could say those money-saving words.

In my confusion, I wound up paying cash for soda and a couple of cookies instead of putting them on my credit card. But I still wound up with two slips of paper - and an Associate declaring, "You've won your Showcase Showdown."

The Raceway prepay approach seems designed to make sure people don't hand over a phony or expired card, fill up and drive away with free gasoline. But what a mess, getting used to this for the first time! Next time I need gasoline, I may check my credit score first.

Now for other drops of interesting events from the holiday weekend....

+ Urban League President Reginald Pugh spoke at the annual "Human Relations Day" event at St. Mary's Road United Methodist Church. You'll have to call the church office to find out when it's holding Animal Relations Day.

+ The True Deliverance Holiness Church telecast on WLGA showed a New Year's Eve service in Auburn. As the congregation counted down to 2006, a woman in the front fell back and collapsed as the count reached one. Do swimming and diving teams have parties like this?

(The New Year's service had what appeared to be an all-star lineup of preachers, all giving ten-minute messages. One man finished with minutes to spare, and proceeded to pose for the audience! Deion Sanders would be right at home in this
church.)

+ Former Shaw High pitching star Edwin Jackson was traded from the Los Angeles Dodgers to Tampa Bay. He's more likely to make that team's starting rotation - but I fear he's also more likely to pile up losses.

+ A woman filed a new civil complaint, claiming Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick gave her herpes. If this woman's telling the truth, it will make brother Marcus Vick look tame - because Marcus only steps on body parts....

+ Instant Message #2 to Joy at AC Fitness in Auburn: OK, I've calmed down now. Please forgive me. It's 2006. I should have Googled you first. Send my regards to your husband. (Sigh....)

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

15 JAN 06: THE BATTLE OF BULL RUN

Saturday night marked the finale of the "PBR Columbus Invitational" - a weekend of professional bull riding. Every time this comes to town, I wonder why they don't have a division for politicians on bulls.

But this weekend of bull riding had a big difference. Seven bulls broke out of their holding pen Friday night, and started roaming around South Commons. But apparently someone told these animals about Columbus - because none of them dared to wander over to the Booker T. Washington Apartments late at night.

(Then again, maybe these bulls weren't that smart after all. This is a part of the country where people hear "barbecue," and automatically think pork.)

Columbus Police were called to bring the loose animals under control. But for some reason, WRBL's Chris Sweigart was NOT called - and he's been "running with the bulls" longer than almost anyone in Columbus.

The seven bulls eventually were corralled - but in the process, a Columbus police cruiser was rammed and damaged. Apparently there's no room in the police budget for big pickup trucks, to take on these animals.

(If the police doesn't have pickups for occasions like this, it should prove once and for all Columbus is NOT a cowtown.)

The Columbus Civic Center staff may have felt a bit embarrassed by this. They scheduled pro bull riding for this weekend, and monster trucks to appear next weekend - but they should have put these two events on consecutive nights.

If you haven't seen professional bull riding, it has only one element of a classic rodeo. Cowboys only have to stay atop a jumping bull for eight seconds - and that's why Columbus had an "invitational" event. Anyone who had a good week at a country bar might have tried to enter.

(Yes, I said ONLY have to stay on a bull eight seconds. Compare those cowboys with motocross racers, who have to stay on for 20 laps or more - AND go forward as fast as they can.)

While pro bull riding can be fun to watch, I still think these cowboys should do more to earn their money:

+ Steer wrestling. It's a good rodeo competition - and folks in Columbus REALLY like wrestling, you know.

+ Calf roping - well, correct that. Animal rights groups might protest. Cowgirl roping might look a lot more interesting, anyway.

+ Bareback riding. This assumes, of course, the Columbus Vice Squad will approve.

+ Barrel racing - only put rodeo clowns IN the barrels, so they move around.

BLOG UPDATE: A Friday drive down South Lumpkin Road found those "new day is dawning" banners for Columbus South ARE indeed hanging in a few places. We'll have to wait, to see how many of them wind up in the barracks of rowdy Fort Benning soldiers.

Now let's check other items from a busy holiday weekend:

+ Large crowds attended the Martin Luther King Day parade in Columbus - then walked down the street to the big Health and Fitness Expo, to learn for free whether they'd caught the flu by standing outside in the cold.

+ An executive with the New Horizons center told WRBL Columbus Police are too tough on homeless people around Second Avenue. He raises a very good point. How about being just as tough on Veterans Parkway, or South Lumpkin Road?

+ An attorney for suspended Auburn police officer Tyrone White claimed authorities illegally searched White's home, and seized a knife with Ku Klux Klan markings on it. On the surface, this sound troubling - but he never said the searchers seized any bed sheets.

+ WLGA's "Street TV" showed the address for Money Boy Records as being on "Cusset Road." Nothing helps that "street cred" quite like being unable to spell....

+ Alabama went on the road and beat Kentucky 68-64 in men's college basketball. First Vanderbilt wins in Lexington -- now Alabama! If the Wildcats keep playing like this, coach Tubby Smith is going to get fit and start playing.

+ Former Brookstone High School player Mack Strong had a 32-yard run, in Seattle's N.F.L. playoff win over Washington. Mack may have Strong legs, but Shaun Alexander's concussion showed he does NOT have a strong head.

+ I had a dream about being inside a pavilion in Dothan, perhaps at the National Peanut Festival grounds - and there was arena football going on, with REAL grass indoors. The Chattahoochee Valley Vipers had better sell a LOT of season tickets....

+ Instant Message to Joy at AC Fitness in Auburn: I saw you on TV. Twice. Closely. I'll buy dinner. Anywhere. Really. Even if it's low-fat. (Sigh!)

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

for 14 JAN 06: ROOTS OF A DREAM

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this humorous, serious, or a little of both - but from time to time, we offer things to reflect upon as we keep the seventh-day Sabbath.)

Every year at about this time, I reach into my drawer and pull out a cassette with Dr. Martin Luther King, Junior's "I Have a Dream" speech. I recorded it when National Public Radio played it on MLK Day in 1997 -- complete with an interruption for an Atlanta traffic report. [True!]

Dr. King made his living as a church pastor, before he gained the title "civil rights leader." So did he mention the Bible in his famous speech? Read or listen to it, and you might not know right away. Even in 1963, you sometimes had to be subtle about quoting Scripture....

It turns out the "I Have a Dream" speech refers to the Old Testament a couple of times, without directly saying so:

+ "Righteousness as a mighty stream...." You'll find this in Amos 5, in a passage about people who worship false gods. Sadly, some people seem to worship Dr. King on the holiday more than the God he preached about.

+ "Every valley shall be raised up...." That line is from Isaiah 40 - but no, it is NOT about Columbus having success in high school baseball or minor league hockey.

If you're not sure about how to mark "King Day," those two areas of the Bible might be a good place to start. Read the chapters in their entirety, and you might make some interesting discoveries. It's a much better commemoration than eating Chicken a la King.

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

13 JAN 06: THE LATE-RISING BAKER

The Columbus South Revitalization Task Force announced its next big project Thursday: renovating the old Baker High School. For starters, they should surround it with some of those nice banners they showed off a few weeks ago - banners I haven't seen on streets since.

Once upon a time it was Baker High School, and then it became Baker Middle School. But when a new middle school opened nearby in 1999, the historic building became rundown. Well, some people might argue it was rundown well before 1999 - due to all those fights in the hallways.

(In fact, someone left spray-painted graffiti on a wall with the words: "This was a school" - someone who apparently wasn't observant enough to notice the word "school" on the wall outside.)

WRBL reporter Susannah Avery dared to claim Baker High School was "once the center of Columbus." It was? When the center left downtown, it must have taken a hard left turn at Baker before heading for Macon Road.

Columbus South Inc. wants to take the old Baker High School out of proverbial mothballs. Leaders call it the first step toward revitalizing that part of town. So that new Sonic on Victory Drive wasn't good enough?

The Baker High School building will be surveyed by an architect for six to eight weeks, to determine how much reconstruction and renovation is needed. It will be easy for passers-by to learn the answer. Simply count the number of bins from "The Sandman" on the front lawn.

The Muscogee County School District still owns the Baker High School building, so it will have a lot of say over what happens to it. Superintendent John Phillips said Thursday it could make a nice elementary school. If they split the building with a city department, that sales tax proposal might pass.

One man who attended Thursday's announcement with special interest was J. Marvin Mills. For one thing, he graduated from Baker High School in 1955. For another thing, the first company to benefit from renovation might be his heating and air conditioning business.

If all this talk about renovating the Baker High School building sounds familiar, it should. Several public hearings have been held in recent years about what to do with it. In fact, you wonder why it simply hasn't become a debate and lecture center.

Several more ideas for the new, improved Baker High School building were tossed around at a Thursday media event:

+ Retail space on a lower floor, with loft apartments on an upper floor. Someone should remind these people that the sports bar near Johnston Mill closed several months ago.

+ A vocational-technical school. Does Columbus Tech need a south campus? Wouldn't a more likely candidate be "Troy University, a bit north of Fort Benning?"

+ A movie theater. Now THIS truly is dreaming. Carmike isn't even bothering to open theaters inside all those empty Phenix City supermarkets.

E-MAIL UPDATE: The writer of a Phenix City blog (and a Burkard Award winner 1 Jan) offers us a challenge:

Dearest Richard,

I write this knowing full well that you do not allow 'comments' directly to your web journal and that this communication may be published. Also, by that same knowledge, you must know that I do first insist that if this is published, it is done so in its entirety and not dissected, rearranged or presented in part in anyway, at anytime.

I write this because I think you do yourself and your readers a disservice by keeping your 'comments' feature disabled. If you can read between the lines, you will already know this.

You may well be insecure of your writing talent or your ability to fend off a criticism but even with screening your incoming mail, you still get the same message. The only difference is in what your readers get to see of your abilities to defend your work and its contents.

In life, we are faced each day with any number of demands. We either respond to them correctly or we do not. Most often, we do not have the luxury of time to think about what we will do or say next…… and this is a good thing because real life does not tolerate indecision.

Richard, I enjoy your journal and I have gained a good measure of respect for your writing abilities. But I would like to seriously suggest that you reformat your journal to accept comments directly and through that, expand your contact with those who enjoy your work. Even as a reclusive writer, you do pretty well but I suspect that there is a vast, unrealized potential that is being denied via the cloak.

As your neighbor and fellow web journalist, I remain,

Redoubt

Thank you, Red - and please note I did not dissect or rearrange your words in any way. I don't even own an iPod to shuffle them.

(Wow -- no dissection, rearrangement or presentation in part? When did this person become Commissioner of Baseball?)

Redoubt has been dropping hints to me for some time that this blog needs a "comments" feature. It's never had one - and boy, did I feel brilliant when "comment spammers" started hitting blogs with great deals on Viagra.

But to be honest, I don't recall anyone else asking me to install a comments feature on the blog. For awhile, critics found a way to comment without even going online. They'd call "TalkLine" on WRCG and do it....

There are plenty of blogs without comment features, including several major ones. Wonkette doesn't have one. Brian Williams's "Daily Nightly" at NBC News doesn't. And WRBL's "Third Brigade Blog" doesn't - which probably disappoints peace activists in Auburn a little.

But don't be misled - there IS a way for you to comment on this blog. There's a "write me" link for e-mail at the bottom of every entry. And unless writers ask for privacy, I tend to post every message the blog receives - even if it means I get bashed. I'm much more "insecure" in dating than in writing.

You may not realize there are some blogs which don't offer a way to comment at all - not even with e-mail. The church I attend has a blog like this. And since it speaks the truth of God, it makes absolutely no sense for you to talk back to it, anyway.

As for the "luxury of time:" I'd think people could send e-mail to the blog every bit as quickly as they could leave a thought in a comment section. Although I must admit, my old computer's Microsoft Outlook can take a few minutes to fire up....

But come to think of it, maybe more of us need to develop a "luxury of time" to think about what we say or do. If you watched ABC's "Nightline" Thursday night, you know why - because both Pat Robertson and Bode Miller issued apologies for things they'd said.

I'll open up this topic for, well, "comment" from readers. Since I have a Big Blog Question in progress at the moment, I can't do it there. But if you'd like to see a comment option, please let me know. If enough readers want one, you may see one. If they want free pizzas - well, I make no guarantee about that one.

By the way - what do you mean, I'm a "reclusive writer?" My name is at the bottom of every entry here, compared to Redoubt's blog. And when I went to the opera Wednesday night, I walked right down Broadway where everyone could see me.

OVERHEARD OVER HERE: Two guys walk up to the counter at an east Alabama post office.

"We have these 37-cent stamps which are no good any more. We want to trade them for some 39-cent stamps."

Don't worry, they were joking - but for a moment, I seriously wondered.

Now some other items from Thursday's news, which could make you wonder as well:

+ My evening run (above three miles AGAIN!) revealed the Riverwalk is open again, between Rotary Park and "The Summit" at 22^nd Avenue. Be sure to watch for more details Friday, during "News 3 at 5:00" - since I suspect WRBL learned about the temporary detour from this blog in the first place.

+ Third Brigade Commander Steven Salazar returned to Fort Benning, aboard one of the planes loaded with soldiers. Judging from "in-flight video" of that long trip from Iraq, Salazar is NOT requiring soldiers to sit at attention.

+ Columbus State University announced it will begin offering programs for children at Fort Benning. One of the programs will be archery - since you'd figure Army children would know how to use rifles and machine guns.

+ The annual "One Columbus Recognition Dinner" featured a speech by former Secretary of the Army Togo West. He must hear plenty of jokes when he dines out - especially when he asks for a "Togo Box."

(Since I wasn't at the dinner - what was Congressman Sanford Bishop doing there on crutches? Did he hurt himself rushing to give away donations from lobbyist Jack Abramoff?)

+ WXTX "News at Ten" showed off two computers inside the Columbus Public Library, which are especially set aside for vision-impaired people. How many Library Board used those computers, before approving that Albert Paley sculpture?

+ The Georgia House voted 110-54 for a modified "Voter Identification" card. Civil rights groups oppose this, claiming it takes Georgia back to an era when African-American people needed cards to prove they weren't slaves. That's strange - I don't hear anyone proposing to hold elections 365 days a year.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths lost 6-2 in Knoxville, ending their record 11-game winning streak. Maybe if Coach Jerome Bechard had reminded the team of Southern California in the Rose Bowl....

+ A Pensacola, Florida man was sentenced to death for murdering a retired police officer who wore a University of Alabama cap. The killer supposedly thought the "A" on the cap stood for anti-Christ. [True/AP] Some of these Florida football fans need to find another pastime.

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

12 JAN 06: GRAND OLD OPERA

"You ought to go," a co-worker suggested when the subject of an opera in Columbus came up. But I wasn't really sure. I have plenty of things to keep me busy - and daytime TV has all sorts of soap operas I could watch instead.

But then I realized Wednesday night's production in Columbus would be the first professional opera in the city in decades. You can spot the amateur productions around here right away -- filled with guitar players, and "Opry" in the name.

It had been about 20 years since I attended an opera. The Metropolitan Opera used to go on "spring tours" after its New York season ended, including a week in May at the Atlanta Civic Center. A group of us from church went twice in the mid-80's -- even though only one of the women might have had a fur coat to show off.

I used to listen to the Metropolitan Opera Saturday broadcasts on public radio, but I stopped doing that several years ago. So many plots are about murder, war, cheating lovers, false gods -- in other words, it's a lot like the prime-time TV lineup on NBC.

But this co-worker's suggestion stuck in my mind. It had been a long time between operas. It was one of those rare Columbus opportunities. And I'd never been inside the RiverCenter before -- although I've jogged by it enough times to know some of those touring "Riverdancers" smoke cigarettes.

So Wednesday night, I decided to have some fun. I walked down Broadway to the RiverCenter, for a touring production of Mozart's "The Magic Flute." Maybe it would be like David Copperfield's magic show next week, only with a different prop.

(For some of you who might be confused -- this opera was NOT about football. That would be "The Magic FLUTIE.")

At Ninth and Broadway, things began to get interesting. "Excuse me, sir," said a young woman who approached me. Well, an opera would be a likely spot for beggars to meet people with plenty of money....

But no, this was NOT my third meeting with a beggar in eight days. "I'm new to this city," the woman said. "Do you know if the Bill Heard Theatre is part of the RiverCenter?" This I knew, and yes it is. We were both heading to the opera - but it seemed like an awkward moment to turn it into a blind date.

You could tell it was the Bill Heard Theatre, because four Bill Heard Cadillacs were parked around the main entrance. Golden Donuts can open its own theatre anytime it pleases....

The woman who asked the question had a reserved ticket, but I did not. I'd called in advance for the RiverCenter prices, and asked at the box office for a front balcony seat. "Front row?" the woman in the booth asked. Wow - and I'm not even Bob Uecker.

"How did sales go for this show?" I asked the ticket booth woman.

"OK. I wish it could have been better." In fact, it appeared from my view that the RiverCenter was not even half-full for this first Columbus opera in decades. Do THAT many people go to church meetings on Wednesday nights?

But perhaps the location was the problem. Somebody's gotta ask it - why was Columbus's first opera in decades at the RiverCenter, and not the place with "Opera House" in its name? Maybe it's time to rename it the "Springer Theater and Summer Day Camp."

To reach my front-row balcony seat, I walked up the RiverCenter's "Grand Staircase." Well, it IS tall - but to call it grand, I expected a grand piano on it somewhere....

While most of the audience for "The Magic Flute" appeared to be well up in years, a few families showed up for the opera. But two children went in ahead of me with school textbooks - so maybe Legacy Hall should have shown them reruns of "The Magic School Bus."

"DI ZA-BER-FLOAT," said a girl two seats down from me, who tried to pronounce the German title of the opera. It was the first opera ever for her and her father -- and Dad only told me at intermission: "It sure is different." Imagine if there hadn't been English translations of the singers above the stage.

So how was the opera? Let's begin in the orchestra pit -- and NOT with the musicians. From my balcony seat, two large orange trash cans were in clear view at the back. As if the Sofia Symphony Orchestra of Bulgaria would need to spit out some chewing tobacco?!

Columbus was the first stop on the Mozart Festival Opera's "Magic Flute" tour, and it showed a few times. One note during the overture was badly off-key. But some members of the audience showed they were also first-timers, by applauding well before the overture ended. [True!]

The main male star of "The Magic Flute" is supposed to be a prince named Tamino - but U.S. singer Benjamin Brecher disappointed me. His voice lacked the power to convince me he could take on the heroic challenges of his role. He's a romantic tenor - but he needs some tough love.

The role of Tamino's sidekick Papageno offers a great opportunity to steal scenes, and Vladimir Samsonov did exactly that. He sang so well and had such great comedic effect that when a delightful duet with Tamino's lover in Act I ended, I thought she'd chosen the wrong boyfriend.

Papageno's part is that of a bird handler who has no love life. At one point, female lead Pamina tells him Heaven will provide a wife - to which he replies: "Heaven better hurry." To which I said under my breath: "Amen, brother, amen."

The women in "The Magic Flute" proved themselves capable. Russian soprano Larissa Yudina especially stood out for a famous aria in Act II, where she sings a series of very high staccato notes. It's a good thing they don't allow beverages inside the theatre, because plastic cups might have cracked.

But as I say, the opera had some irritating glitches which might be the result of an opening night:

+ One or two performers could be seen in the wings well before their stage appearance. In the National Football League, they'd risk getting run over by a running back.

+ A box of "magic bells" Papageno plays was inexplicably left on stage for several scenes in Act II. Papageno picked it up when he returned, as part of his character -- but I was left wondering if someone was going to kick the box offstage.

+ The English translation above the RiverCenter lagged well behind the action at times in Act II, and seemed to miss key lines in Act I. A group of female spirits came on stage dressed in white, but their purpose was never explained. For all you knew, they might have belonged to the Alan Jackson Fan Club.

(By the way, the program called the three spirits "genii." I thought that was a group from a Star Wars movie....)

Set designer Axel Eibl took a very minimalist approach to "The Magic Flute," with only one basic set-up and a couple of backdrop changes during the opera. It's almost as if he expects most of the audience to buy cheap balcony seats.

But the minimalism seemed to go too far at some points in the opera. When Papageno considers hanging himself for the lack of a lover, he sings about going to a tree - and a noose drops from above the stage, with nothing more. Did "Trees Columbus" have veto power over this production?

I almost wonder if Axel Eibl read the libretto for "The Magic Flute" before preparing the production. One line in Act II says Tamino's flute was made from an "oak tree" - yet the one he held was 100-percent shiny brass. But then again, maybe the magic started in the construction process....

My only other comment about "The Magic Flute" involves a few members of the audience. My Act II listening was interrupted at least twice by cell phone ring tones - one of them coming at a key moment in a duet, and sounding as loud as the orchestra. You could wait for the Alabama-Auburn score until the opera ended

I've attended concert halls where you have to check in your cameras and pagers in the lobby. Can't the RiverCenter do this - not only for beepers, but cell phones? I'm sure Alltel would be willing to sponsor this kiosk....

It's always fun to "people watch" at something like an opera, to see which famous faces show up. But the only one I spotted Wednesday night was Columbus Mayor Bob Poydasheff. No, I did NOT ask what he knew about the split sales tax proposal, and exactly when he knew it.

Even with a few glitches, "The Magic Flute" was enjoyable to watch and worth the trip to see. There -- a nice line for other concert halls on the tour to use in their advertising....

If you missed Wednesday night's opera, another one is coming to the RiverCenter February 11 - Gilbert and Sullivan's "H.M.S. Pinafore." I certainly hope that crowd will be larger than the one Wednesday night. Otherwise, Columbus may be an opera-free zone for decades to come.

Now for a few encores, from the Wednesday news:

+ Two more planes landed at Fort Benning, bringing home more Third Brigade soldiers from Iraq. It's somewhat sad to note Benning's air field probably has handled more arriving passengers this week than Columbus Metropolitan Airport.

+ The Georgia Governor's office agreed to keep West Central Georgia Regional Hospital open one more year. These short-term extensions are enough to drive someone crazy - other than the patients, we mean.

+ The late TV news revealed West Point is in contention for a Kia auto assembly plant, which could employ 2,000 people. This could require some major retraining of the workforce - since small Kias don't need that many textiles for upholstery.

+ An Alabama legislative committee voted to make the phrase "God Bless America" optional on state license plates. Some people want the phrase added to almost all tags - but this would make it easier for God to spot the atheists for punishment.

+ Instant Message to the woman I saw driving an old compact car at Seventh Street and Front Avenue: I'll give you the benefit of the doubt this time. I'll assume you ran that stop sign because you feared breaking and shifting gears might shut down the engine for good.

COMING SOON: Which local school reportedly is haunted - in two places?....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

11 JAN 06: IT'S SPLITSVILLE

Yes sirree, that bandwagon for a shared sales tax in Columbus is rolling right along. On Tuesday, it nearly careened down the stairs next to the River Club, and crashed into the Chattahoochee....

Much more became clear Tuesday about the proposed "split sales tax" for Columbus. One thing was especially clear - if you're going to start a grassroots movement, some Columbus Council members might prove to be as stubborn as weeds.

Several Columbus Councilors declared they were "blindsided" by the talk of a one-percent sales tax, shared by Muscogee County Schools and the city. They were upset that the proposal was taken to the school board first. So if you start with schools, you haven't done your homework.

City Manager Isaiah Hugley said supporters of the split sales tax didn't even show enough "courtesy" to give him a phone call and talk about it. Remember these words if the tax winds up on the ballot, and Mr. Hugley doesn't call you to explain it....

Councilor Evelyn Turner Pugh complained she received calls about the split sales tax idea, when she knew nothing about it. "I don't like to be embarrassed," she said at a work session. Neither does the Jordan High football team, but they keep playing instead of muttering about their situation.

Evelyn Turner Pugh says all officials affected by the split sales tax proposal should have been brought together at the same time. In fact, there probably was a great chance to do that last week - but from what I've read, some officials arrived at the NAACP banquet late while others left early.

WRBL went to Muscogee County School Board President Mary Sue Polleys, and asked if she would have been upset had Columbus Council been told about the tax proposal without her knowledge. Her answer was no -- but she has a secret advantage. Her husband used to be the city attorney, so he has sources....

But hold on a minute here. Wasn't that Columbus Councilor Wayne Anthony I saw on TV Monday night, when the Muscogee County School Board endorsed the split sales tax? How did he know about it, when other Councilors didn't? Does he actually open his e-mails from citizen groups?

(Based on Council seat numbers, if Evelyn Turner Pugh opposes this idea while Wayne Anthony supports it, you'd have a challenging 4-9 split.)

Beyond the complaints about protocol, several Columbus Councilors expressed doubts about the split sales tax. In fact, Nathan Suber suggested it was a waste of time - and when a politician who's worked to defeat tax increases says that, it's worth taking seriously.

Mayor Pro-Tem Jack Rodgers indicated he's against a split sales tax. And Evelyn Turner Pugh said she'd have a hard time campaigning for a tax increase, after city jobs are cut due to a lack of money. Now now - that hasn't stopped some corporate executives....

So who came up with this idea for a city-school split sales tax? A volunteer group apparently held meetings about it, including former Muscogee County Democratic Chair Frank Myers. Maybe local elected leaders need to stop by his evening "office" -- at restaurants such as El Vaquero.

Frank Myers told the Columbus Council work session the sales tax proposal is the work of "a small group of people, putting something together very fast...." But this IS Columbus - where many times the only things which go very fast are cars on the J.R. Allen Parkway.

But even the mention of the term "split sales tax" brought grumbling Tuesday, from Columbus's number-one political wonk. Paul Olson called WRCG's "TalkLine" and claimed his idea from four to six years ago is being plagiarized. You'd think someone with his knowledge would know about copyright law.

Paul Olson told TalkLine he proposed a city-school shared sales tax when Bobby Peters was Mayor. He says both former Mayor Peters and current Mayor Poydasheff didn't seem to care for it. Olson should be pleased now -- knowing several Columbus Councilors still don't care for it today.

Paul Olson seems to want some kind of credit for this split sales tax proposal - perhaps a news conference where he's declared the creator of it. But really now: does he put labels on the bouquets in his flower shop, naming the people who grow every rose?

But the grumbling about this proposal doesn't stop there. A Phenix City blogger took the Ledger-Enquirer to task for calling it a "one-cent sales tax" -- arguing it's really one PERCENT, because no one will pay simply one penny. Unless, of course, you buy dinner off the fast-food value menus....

So a supposedly bipartisan and unified sales tax proposal already has criticism from Columbus Council, from a frequent critic of Columbus Council, and even from people in east Alabama. The way it's going, this "bandwagon" is going to wind up in an Ellaville demolition derby.

BLOG UPDATE: Tuesday night could have been fight night in Taylor County, over those two war memorial plaques on the courthouse wall. But the county commission worked out a compromise -- so Ed DuBose of the NAACP learned how some Columbus Councilors felt earlier in the day.

Georgia NAACP President Ed DuBose wants the separate plaques for Euro-American and African-American World War II fighters removed from the Taylor County Courthouse. He says such items from the segregation era belong only in museums - perhaps not realizing some old rural courthouses might as well BE museums.

Sybil Willingham of the Taylor County Historical Society raised several objections to Ed DuBose's request to remove the two plaques:

+ Georgia law forbids the altering of any war memorials. So the damaged wall of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial on Buena Vista Road won't be repaired until someone knocks it down completely.

+ Taylor County has no museum for holding the 1944 plaques. Wouldn't a retirement home be the next best thing?

+ While Willingham admits the two plaques are "abominable," she says they're still historical. That sort of logic didn't get Pete Rose elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame Tuesday....

The Taylor County Commission turned Ed DuBose down, but unanimously voted instead to hang a THIRD plaque on the courthouse wall. It will list all the World War II fighters together, and explain why the other plaques are there. Wasn't this same approach tried for high school proms, too?

The Taylor County compromise doesn't satisfy Ed DuBose. He promises to keep working for the removal of the two 1944 plaques. Perhaps DuBose would get more support he if proposed replacing them with the Ten Commandments.

One Taylor County resident said the other day Ed DuBose really is upset because one of the courthouse plaques has the word "colored" on it. That resident wondered why DuBose doesn't lobby instead to get the name of his group changed - the "National Association for the Advancement of Colored People."

(I personally think this resident misunderstands what Ed DuBose is arguing. Besides, it would sound strange calling his civil rights group the "N Double-A Double-A P.")

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION on the Taylor County controversy concluded Tuesday night -- and 83 percent of you say the World War II memorial plaques should NOT come down (10-2). The next question is obvious: were all of you sitting at separate computers when you voted?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: We now have a NEW Big Blog Question on the Columbus split sales tax debate.)

With dreams of area unity apparently still somewhat in shambles, let's check other things we found on Tuesday:

+ The Tuesday high temperature in Columbus was 72 degrees F. - warm enough that the lights were on during the evening at Golden Park. But even in a baseball-loving town, the Columbus Catfish STILL couldn't put people in the bleachers....

+ Columbus Council considered rezoning land on Victory Drive for Pastor Ann Hardman's Faith Worship Center International. Hardman wants to move her church out of Ladonia, and open an "impact center." I thought the Vipers of indoor football were planning one of those already.

(This would be the third move for Ann Hardman's church in eight years. She left Columbus after a fire, moved to the old Phenix Cinemas on the 280 Bypass, then went to Ladonia. Hardman takes that Bible verse about "strangers and pilgrims on the earth" a bit too literally.)

+ OfficeMax announced it will close more than 100 stores nationwide at the end of March. No locations were named, but I won't be surprised if the Cross Country Plaza store shuts down. From my experience, I also wouldn't be surprised if most of the staff never notices the "quitting business sale" signs.

+ Former Atlanta relief pitcher Bruce Sutter was voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. He's reportedly the first baseball player to enter the hall without ever starting a major league game - so backup players for the Kansas City Royals should be inspired by this news.

+ Instant Message to WRBL: Thank you for verifying the closure of the Riverwalk at Rotary Park Tuesday. And thank you for verifying you're getting some of your news story ideas from here. As long as I don't hear my punch lines...

COMING SOON: We visit one of Columbus's newest "wild" spots....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

10 JAN 06: ALL FOR ONE, ONE FOR ALL

The bandwagon began rolling Monday on a big new civic improvement plan in Columbus. The School Board is for it. Columbus Council probably will be for it. Republicans are for it. Democrats are for it. You can tell the "One Columbus" dinner is this week, can't you?

The Muscogee County School Board was first to approve a one-cent sales tax proposal. BUT the penny would be divided between the school board and Columbus city government. It borrows from that old carol: If you can't vote for a penny, a hay-penny will do - if you can't approve a hay-penny, God bless you.

School Board President Mary Sue Polleys explained under this plan, the schools and the city would share a one-cent sales tax - as opposed to each imposing their own tax. Well, I did hear someone say you can lose weight by dividing a big meal into two parts.

In fact, supporters of this "split sales tax" said Monday it actually could lead to lower city or school taxes in some ways. For instance, ad valorem taxes might come down - just like taxes with set deadlines actually might be allowed to expire, with no politicians proposing a renewal.

We're told this "split sales tax" idea has been in the planning stages for several years. Yet this is the first I've heard of it -- so where have I been? Kept outside those Callaway Gardens retreats, I guess....

But several hurdles must be cleared before this split sales tax can take effect. For one thing, the Georgia Legislature must approve it as a constitutional amendment. Can Seth Harp and Calvin Smyre work together on this in an election year - yet avoid posing together for photos, which might hurt their campaigns?

Under Georgia law, constitutional amendments can go on the ballot only once every two years. So if the split sales tax doesn't happen this year, it can't go to voters until 2008. But that WOULD give more time for Columbus leaders to convince people in Savannah we need to be taxed some more.

There may be plenty of questions on your mind about this split sales tax right now. As my church pastor once said during a service, this idea is in its "initial first beginning" - which I think is a double redundancy....

Two questions came to my mind as I reflected on this proposal. First, what would this split sales tax do to Mayor Bob Poydasheff's talk about a new one-cent city sales tax? Has he decided we only need to hire half as many police officers - or maybe put them all on bicycles, instead of in cars?

The second question involves whether this sales tax split would be 50-50 or not, between Muscogee County schools and Columbus city government. Will each entity have to trim its "wish list" of projects in half? Will Rigdon Road Elementary School only half its north end replaced?

E-MAIL UPDATE: You might call this the "e-mail combo platter" - starting with the Arch Card we used at a McDonald's the other night:

You know, Richard, these cards are actually a good thing for handling panhandlers [7-8 Jan]. They can be used only for food or beverage purchases. Certainly, someone could try to resell one, but I doubt anyone would be bothered to buy one since the value is likely to be less than $5 (at least it would be if I gave one to a needy person).

I have enjoyed great goodwill and no guilt when I have given in this manner. This is no small thing, trust me.

Anyway, thanks for your kudos in the recap of your blog year [1 Jan]. I must admit, I am proud of the honor!

Now, when do I get my prize? I won the trivia contest and never heard from you as to redemption. Of the prize. Did it perhaps fall into the Chattahoochie during one of your runs?

Seriously, keep up the good work. I enjoy your site very much. God bless you.

Cheers.

Ed Joyce

Valley Village, CA

Do you think Ed misunderstood the news - and thought e-mail prices went up Monday, along with the postage rates?

Ed raises a very good point about Arch Cards. The one I had actually came in the mail, with an offer for an American Express card. That'll teach some of you to throw away your junk mail without opening it....

It was a promotional Arch Card, worth only one dollar. So it would have bought the beggar downtown one cup of coffee, but not quite two. It barely would have bought him a McChicken sandwich from the "dollar menu" -- and some of these people are so hungry, they'd only be happy with two Big Macs.

(By the way, the woman at McDonald's confiscated my Arch Card after I used it. She explained it was promotional, and could NOT be recharged. C'mon now - if I can keep a real one handy for beggars, I can also keep a false one for muggers.)

Several cities have adopted the approach of giving beggars "meal tickets," in the form of coupons. Regular blog readers will recall the man I met in Memphis last year [26 May 05], with the Burger King certificates in his pocket. Yet he asked
me for food money, anyway - as if he really used those coupons as bookmarks.

The "kudos" for Ed Joyce are because we named his suggested name for the Pope our 2005 Blog Joke of the Year. But does he actually expect a PRIZE for that?! I didn't even prepare pricy gift baskets for all the nominees....

Yes, Ed Joyce won our first "Blog Baffler" question last year - and I've been waiting for a "snail mail" address from him, for sending his prize. (No, I will NOT post it here.) It's either that, or 500 free entries in those European online lotteries which I seem to win twice a week.

Now for other odds and ends, from news of the last few days:

+ A big welcome home to hundreds of Third Brigade soldiers! They flew back from Iraq, in what was billed as the biggest one-day homecoming in Fort Benning history. I think the biggest homecoming in Columbus history happens each year, when Carver plays Spencer in high school football.

+ An evening jog on the Riverwalk found it's now closed from Rotary Park east. There's sewer work going on near the Chattahoochee River, apparently for that new driver's assistance call center. So be warned: these new workers may be expected to drink a lot of coffee.

+ The Georgia legislative session opened with lawmakers approving cameras for every county election board, so the boards can provide voter identification cards. Apparently the lobbyists for Camera One didn't show up in Atlanta on time....

+ Alabama's Supreme Court ruled a Montgomery church pastor cannot be sued for damages, if he has an affair with a married church secretary. Then again, adulterous ministers already should know they're going to pay - especially if they preach that "the wages of sin is death."

SCHEDULED WEDNESDAY: Time for a tussle in Taylor County?....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

9 JAN 06: WHEELS AND WALKWAYS

The temperature bounced back in Columbus Sunday, to a high of 68 F. So of course, neighbors at my apartment complex decided to do some outdoor grilling - and one guest showed up in pants stopping about three inches above the ankles. I think that's the new official length for "shorts."

I put on my more conventional-length shorts a little after 5:00 p.m., for a pre-dinner run. Several families were out on the Chattahoochee Promenade, south of the Space Science Center. But all of them were on the sidewalks - NOT on the large green lawn. Military towns can be like that....

One family had children scattered all over the Promenade. One actually was up a tree, which was something I've never seen before in Columbus park space. My apologies to Trees Columbus for not getting the family's names, so you can send them to Environmental Court.

Two other members of this family rode along the Promenade on old-fashioned two-wheeled scooters. You know, the kind without motors. The kind children had before someone developed the first great invention of this millennium -- the Segway, which people are ignoring as they walk with their iPods.

I had to jog with care, as one child's scooter came toward me and passed me. He was under control, so we didn't collide. But behind me moments later, I heard a "Look Out!" Thankfully, the child did NOT turn around and decide to race me - though it must have been tempting, with the "76" T-shirt I was wearing.

The jogging course moved north up Front Avenue, then west to the Dillingham Street Bridge. When I engage in "urban running," I stay on the sidewalk at all times -- and long as crazed drivers don't try to join me there.

But even the Dillingham Street Bridge had people on it Sunday afternoon. Two people walked toward me as I jogged, carrying large items. On this old bridge's rather narrow sidewalks, this is a blockade right out of a Parcheesi game.

The two people saw me coming and adjusted to single-file walking. But behind them was something unexpected -- a young man on a bicycle. He was going eastbound on the sidewalk, along the westbound lane of the street. It was the wrong place, the wrong time, the wrong way - and he didn't have a helmet on, either.

At the apex of the Dillingham Street Bridge sidewalk, the cyclist seemed to be in no mood to stop. He decided to "thread the needle," going between my jogging and the two people walking. Not even NASCAR driver Kurt Busch would try this after leaving a bar....

I was at the "rail" edge of the bridge, which really is no rail at all. I held on to it and jogged in place for a moment or two, while the cyclist insisted on going through. Something had to give -- and I've never taken a dive into a swimming pool, much less the Chattahoochee River.

This bicyclist should have been on the street, not the sidewalk -- and the other side of the street at that. You're supposed to pedal with the car traffic. And in Columbus, you might even get into a race with people riding motorized wheelchairs.

I fear some bicyclists have become confused about the rules because of the Riverwalk. It's used by walkers, runners and cyclists, who seem to make room for each other all the time. But when the city trucks come along carrying jail inmates with weed-whackers, you have to make exceptions....

(By the way, those two-wheeled scooters probably SHOULD be on the sidewalk. The only thing which would make them go fast is a push off the edge of the Promenade, all the way down the hill to the Riverwalk.)

Now let's see what else we spotted on a splendid Sunday:

+ The Bliss Salon of Columbus held a special day of fund-raising for the Georgia Transplant Foundation. I suppose the stylists' scissors could be used in operations, if the hair is shampooed....

+ Executives at the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta reported in seven weeks, they've already had 500,000 visitors. And who knows how much business has jumped at Captain D's, because tourists can't get seafood off their minds.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths won 4-3 at Fayetteville, for their 11^th win in a row. If the Snakes were any hotter, they'd have to form a swim team - because the Civic Center ice would melt.

+ Columbus's new Chattahoochee Valley Vipers held tryouts at the Civic Center, for their first season of indoor football. Even the team's owner lifted some weights - so if Terrell Owens wants a spot on the team, he'd better watch his mouth.

+ Instant Message to Pastor Frank McLeod of God's House of Prayer Holiness Church in Auburn: Did I hear you right on WLGA-TV Sunday night - "fat people" who try to lose weight are wrong, because they have a "restless spirit?" When you walk all over the place during a sermon, what sort of spirit do YOU have?

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

8 JAN 06: SHOW ME SOMETHING

I parked my car outside the supermarket. A man walked by and nodded. I nodded back, as I shut off the engine. The man approached my car window. I knew what was coming next - and no, I don't order my groceries on the Internet....

BLOGGER BEGGAR #2: "I'm not a bad person! I'm not a bad person!" These were the first words out of the man's mouth, as I rolled down my car window a bit on South Lumpkin Road Friday. When this is the first thing someone says, don't you feel comfortable and relaxed?

"Could you do me a favor?" the man continued. "Could you give me two dollars, so I can get gas for my car?" I can remember when two dollars in the tank could last a few days. Nowadays with some SUV's, it might not get you across Columbus.

"Your car's over here?" I was out of the car by this point, and began walking in the direction the man was pointing - away from the parking lot, and toward South Lumpkin Road.

"I have a gas can," the man explained. But of course, he didn't have the can with him. Perhaps he was guarding against a REALLY bad person coming along, pouring the gasoline on him and setting him on fire.

"Get in my car, and I'll take you to your car," I suggested.

"It's way over on Victory Drive," the man answered - which was less than a block from where we stood.

"Let's go to your car," I tried again. If he could walk all that way to the Winn-Dixie parking lot, I can show compassion and do the same.

"Just give me the two dollars," the non-bad person said. This was all too familiar. A man in south Atlanta years ago had a secret car and gas can somewhere near the Exxon station where he appealed to me for money. Why do I keep running across these plainclothes C.I.A. agents?

"Let me get this straight," I said to quickly bring this to a final showdown. "You can't get gasoline for your car unless you're paid money on this spot!?"

"Never mind, sir." NOW the man started walking toward South Lumpkin Road, away from me. I had pushed my logic all-in, and he folded.

"Don't you want me to help you, sir?"

"Forget it." It was his way, or the "high" way - morally speaking, that is.

"I'm willing to help you, sir," I said to give the man one last chance. "But you're not willing to compromise just a little to get what you need - and if you're not willing to show me either your gas can or your car, why should I believe you?"

"Never mind, sir." He didn't want to admit what seemed obvious -- his car and gas can were about as realistic as his chances of becoming Governor.

"What do you really need the money for, sir?" But he walked on, unwilling to talk any more. Too bad, because I thought of something later which I wanted to add. If you're lying to people - yes, you ARE a bad person.

BLOG UPDATE: Now back to the "bummin'" beggar #1, the one at the downtown McDonald's which we mentioned Saturday. We'd just let the man in the Alabama Crimson Tide coat inside, to buy him a cup of coffee for 55 cents. But there was a problem.

"The board says coffee costs 90 cents," I told the man.

"Fifty-four," he insisted. Well, this older man wasn't wearing any glasses....

"Can I help you?" a woman behind the McDonald's counter finally asked.

"I want a senior coffee," the man piped up before I could say a word. The menu board had no such thing - unless the $1.10 price of coffee is called something other than a large.

"He wants a cup of coffee," I tried to say politely and quietly. "And I'd like a Big Mac and a McChicken sandwich." Remember, I'd just run more than three miles on the Riverwalk. So this was a victory dinner -- even though I opened a door for sharing it, if the man suddenly decided he was hungry.

Problem #2: the McDonald's coffee pot was empty. It would take a few minutes to brew another. I was willing to wait - but the beggar took this time to slip out the door I'd opened for him moments before. Some people expect others to be patient FOR them, you know.

By the way, the McDonald's at 14^th and Veterans Parkway accepts those highly-promoted new "Arch Cards." I had one on me, for a one-dollar discount -- but it was turned down at restaurants in Ladonia and north Phenix City, because they lack the equipment for it. Once again, Alabama is put to shame.

The sandwiches for my dinner came fairly quickly. The coffee for the beggar took several minutes to brew - so for all I knew, the man could have walked down the street to ask someone else for his next cup.

Finally the cup came, I walked out of McDonald's -- and the beggar was waiting at the door for it. "Thank you, sir," he said as he put the cup on top of a USA Today newspaper box - revealing a key reason why online newspapers never should take over completely.

As I drove home with dinner, I recalled something we mentioned here last year - that the Columbus city code has a section saying "tramps" are subject to arrest. But how can you make a citizen's arrest of a beggar, when the Public Safety Center now closes at 7:00 p.m.? Do I take him home tonight, and promise a "new home" for tomorrow?

As it happened, my Pastor mentioned at church this weekend we should be willing to give to the poor - but NOT to people on street corners asking for handouts. "That's why they have the bunco squad," he said, "to guard against scams." Usually we only talk about "bunco" at church when we're rolling dice on a game night.

So are people doing anything, other than asking for handouts in the parking lot? We found several examples of the opposite, from the weekend news....

+ TV Judge Greg Mathis told the NAACP Freedom Fund Banquet he's thinking about buying a home in Columbus. So? Johnnie Cochran came to Columbus a few years ago, opened a law office - and hardly came back to town after that.

(Hey, what do you mean the NAACP doesn't count? Chapter members took the cash handouts at the Trade Center door....)

+ Controversial 1968 Olympic track star Tommy Smith visited Phenix City Central High School. Smith told WRBL his "black power" salute in Mexico City was something he "had to do," but didn't want to do. I've never thought of a civil rights protest as similar to taking out the garbage....

+ A Fort Benning gas station began offering ethanol fuel. I could make some corny joke out of this, but I won't....

+ The Spring Harbor retirement home held a marriage ceremony. New groom George Benford is 84. New bride LaVerne Bishop is 82. Some of us mid-40's singles are wondering what they have, which we still don't.

+ The Georgia Lottery announced the Lotto South game will be "retired" at the end of February. We really shouldn't be surprised by this -- since people move to the South to retire all the time.

(Lotto South will be replaced by a new twice-weekly drawing called "Win for Life." We assume this will be conducted by attorneys for capital murder defendants.)

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths made it ten wins in a row, by felling the Fayetteville Fire Ants. So how close are they to breaking Tom Buck's record in legislative elections?

+ Instant Message to Winn-Dixie on South Lumpkin Road, where all this started: I don't care if you have it discount-priced. If you're selling milk past the expiration date, you are NOT "getting better all the time." You're breaking Georgia law, so you're getting worse.

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

for 7 JAN 06: COFFEE BROKE

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this humorous, serious, or a little of both - but from time to time, we offer things to reflect upon as we keep the seventh-day Sabbath.)

Yes, I know it's a cold winter weekend - but think back a few days. Wednesday was warm, the evening was mild, and I did something I don't think I've ever done in the first week of January. I ran more than three miles non-stop at the Riverwalk - and before all that wind kicked up to help, too.

It was a distance I didn't expect, so I was joyous heading to dinner after the run. So perhaps I should have seen something coming when I stopped to eat downtown....

BLOGGER BEGGAR #1: (We'll keep count throughout 2006.) "Could you do a guy a favor?" asked the man wearing an Alabama Crimson Tide coat, as he walked toward my car at the McDonald's at 14^th and Veterans Parkway -- in the heart of the panhandling district.

"That depends on what it is." One man came to me at Krystal next door, saying voices in his head told him to go to Tuskegee. If I couldn't hear the voices, I wasn't going to make the trip.

"Could you lend me 55 cents for a cup of coffee?" Well, at least it wasn't four dollars outside a Starbucks.

"Let's go on in; I'm here to get dinner, anyway." I walked by the man and went to the door of McDonald's - but the man hardly moved a step.

"Just go in, buy me a cup of coffee and bring it out," the gray-haired man said. It was a low-scale version of "Charlie's Angels."

"What do you have in your hand?" I suddenly noticed his left hand in particular.

"A cup of coffee."

"So you have a cup of coffee, and you want me to buy you ANOTHER cup of coffee." Stockpiling for an emergency, perhaps.

Yes, he wanted an extra cup of coffee. "And after that, you'll want me to get you another one and another one?!" I've seen some beggars who seem prepared to keep asking until they drive home with the keys to your car.

"No, just this one." Limit one per customer - and in this case, I think I was the customer.

"Come on in, sir," I then said holding the McDonald's door wide open.

"I don't want the folks in there to know I'm bummin'." This could be translated another way -- they know, and they've kicked me out once already.

I refused to accept this answer. "You're already begging out here in the parking lot, sir. Why are you afraid of them? Why are you afraid of men, when God sees everything you're doing out here?"

This appeal apparently made sense to the man, because he joined me inside. For the purposes of this topic, I'll stop here and ask: does it make sense to YOU? Is there something you're fearful of doing, because friends or strangers might consider it weird - even though it's morally and ethically right?

I could come up with some examples, but you probably can do that as well. If you're concerned about what other people might say about your actions, remember something: there's a God in heaven who sees them as well. Sooner or later, you'll have to answer to Him -- not them.

COMING SUNDAY: The rest of this beggar's story.... and what do you know, it's a doubleheader weekend....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

6 JAN 06: READ MY LIPS

Tommy Tuberville said something - but what exactly did he say? Viewers with hearing problems who watched one evening newscast this week might never have known. And judging from how Auburn played in the Capital One Bowl, I fear most of the players couldn't hear him.

As of this week, hearing-impaired people should have an easier time watching television. New federal rules require almost all programs to have closed captioning. So when that Verizon guy asks in the commercial, "Can you hear me now?" it doesn't really matter anymore.

The new federal rules have local TV stations scrambling, because they risk large government fines if their programs don't have closed captioning. I'm hearing the fines can be in the thousands of dollars - but if I wasn't told that in writing, maybe that's inaccurate.

The new closed captioning rules took effect Sunday. So armed with my remote control and its captioning button, I checked to see how obedient local stations were. On opening night, there was Tommy Tuberville talking on WRBL at 11:00 p.m. - with no quote on the screen! C'mon, no college football coach is speechless....

We checked again during WRBL's "News 3 at 6:00" Thursday, and Lisa Scribner of Consumer Credit Counseling said something which wasn't captioned on the screen. Hearing-impaired people could call the station, demand money in exchange for not reporting the violation, and have no more credit trouble.

And if that's not enough, the 11:00 p.m. Georgia Lottery drawing wasn't captioned, either! But perhaps that comes under a federal exemption for commercials - since the whole point of showing winning numbers is to get you to buy more tickets, right?

We should note there are other exceptions to the new closed-captioning rules -- but what we saw does NOT come under them:

+ Programs between 2:00 and 6:00 in the morning. Blurry-eyed viewers would have trouble reading the captions, anyway.

+ Live sports events - which on WCGT TV-16 from now on will mean Calvary Christian School basketball.

+ Programs in languages other than English or Spanish - so if you see a station showing the French soccer league "match of the day" this weekend, that's why.

+ TV stations with annual revenues of less than three million dollars. Hmmmm - is THIS why WRBL seems to be flaunting the rule?

Some churches are concerned about the new closed-captioning rules, because they are NOT exempt. What are they to do during live worship services? What happens if a Pastor feels inspired to depart from his script, and condemn half the viewers to the lake of fire?

Hopefully hearing-impaired people will benefit from the new TV captioning rules. In fact, it could benefit other people - like the nerds who watch newscasts in noisy sports bars....

BLOG CORRECTION: Uh-oh - a local history buff caught a mistake we made Thursday:

Hey Richard-

Hate to tell you this, but Benny Goodman wasn't a pilot, he was a band leader. Perhaps you are thinking of Major Glenn Miller (another band leader) who died in a plane crash in December of 1944 while he was on route to Paris from England to play a Christmas concert. Now Jimmy Stewart…there was a pilot!

Take care and Happy New Year!

Matt

lakebottom.blogspot.com

Our apologies, Matt. I admittedly never have watched those old movies -- "The Benny Goodman Story," "The Glenn Miller Story," or even "The Sonny Bono Story."

With that mistake resolved, let's try to get other items straight from Thursday's news:

+ Columbus NAACP President Bill Madison told WRBL he wants to move into a new and larger office with computers. Right now the chapter is in a First Avenue house in the Historic District, which it shares with a bookkeeping business. Hopefully the two are integrated, so Ed DuBose doesn't get upset.

+ Columbus Civic Center officials reported the arena hosted 277 events last year, about three times the number in 2002. Of course, the basketball Riverdragons left town during the year - but maybe some wimpy softball teams can play inside to make up for that.

+ The Mildred Terry Branch library served refreshments in the afternoon, to mark its 53th anniversary. Once the proposed renovation there becomes reality, I expect the cake to be about 50 percent bigger.

+ Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue proposed giving every county in the state $234 million in gasoline tax money for road improvements. He calls the program "Paving the Way Home." Some of us call it "Paving the Way to Reelection."

(Isn't this the same Sonny Perdue who suspended fuel taxes across Georgia for a month last September? How much campaign money is he getting from Chevron Texaco?)

+ "The Insider" reported Atlanta-based music star Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds is getting a divorce, after 13 years of marriage. The official reason is listed as "irreconcilable differences" - such as whether his face really still is like a baby.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths flattened Florida 7-2. They've now won nine games in a row, beating Florida for their last three wins -- so all our mild weather must be psyching out those visitors.

+ The final Associated Press college football poll showed Auburn ranked 14^th, while Wisconsin is 15^th. Apparently the sportswriters didn't turn on their TV sets Monday until after the Fiesta Bowl started....

+ Atlanta Falcons coach Jim Mora Jr. was fined $25,000, for making a cell phone call during the December 24 overtime loss in Tampa Bay. This seems a bit harsh to me. After all, Mora didn't hide his phone behind a goal post like wide receivers do.

+ Instant Message to WRCG Radio: It sounds like you've finally won approval for that adjusted signal. The other morning when my clock radio went off, I actually was able to hear your station - not a mix of strange voices which could have been a cable TV talk show.

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

5 JAN 06: FIGHTING PLAQUE

Uh-oh - Taylor County is in segregation trouble again. This time it's because of two plaques hanging inside the county courthouse. And in a refreshing change, they are NOT the two tablets showing the Ten Commandments.

Georgia NAACP President Ed DuBose announced Wednesday he wants the Taylor County Commission to remove two plaques from the courthouse wall, because they show lists of names divided by race. But look on the bright side - at least all the names are written in black ink.

Two plaques were placed inside the Taylor County Courthouse in 1944 to remember the personnel who died in World War II. One plaque lists the African-American GI's. The other lists the Euro-American GI's. But the adjectives were different then, because hyphens were still being rationed.

Ed DuBose argues this is 2006, and the era of segregation is over - so it's time to combine the Taylor County war memorial plaques. But he needs to remember something. This is Taylor County - where they segregated the high school student awards until a couple of years ago.

Ed DuBose says the World War II dead of Taylor County should all be honored together. But wait a minute - aren't they honored together now? The two plaques are side by side. Maybe we can put one on top of the other, on alternate days.

Ed DuBose says he'll go before the Taylor County Commission next Tuesday, and ask for the World War II plaques to come down. He could make things a lot easier, of course - by making a combined plaque himself, and bringing it as a donation....

The proposal to bring down the two plaques has its critics in Taylor County. One resident noted Wednesday the African-American and Euro-American soldiers served in different units. No one then asked why there aren't separate plaques for the Army, Navy and Marine Corps.

Other residents noted a similar two-plaque memorial is posted inside the Upson County Courthouse in Thomaston. And come to think of it, the high school is called Upson-Lee - not Lee-King, or even Upson-Down-daughter.

Ed DuBose's proposal to combine plaques in Taylor County raises a number of questions, which perhaps he'll answer in coming days....

+ Should federal funding be revoked for Moton Field? It's turning into a tribute to the Tuskegee Airmen -- but maybe a statue of a white World War II pilot like Benny Goodman should stand there as well.

+ Is Ed DuBose agreeing with what Morgan Freeman said on "60 Minutes" a few weeks ago, that Black History Month is silly? We could have one "History Month," and require everyone to watch the History Channel twice a day.

+ Should the eternal flame outside the Government Center be made more inclusive - and have an electric light burning next to it?

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION is asking for your opinion of Ed DuBose's proposal. Should the Taylor County war plaques be brought down and combined? Are they acceptable as they are? And should MoveOn.org send a group to Butler, and demand a plaque for peace go up as well?

By the way, the Columbus NAACP holds its annual banquet Friday night at the Trade Center. TV Judge Greg Mathis is returning to town, after giving what some considered a controversial speech last year. Maybe this year that honor will go to local President Bill Madison, talking about Port Columbus.

E-MAIL UPDATE: We may have found a candidate for that blog "research staff" a writer thought we had. While we didn't have time to follow up Wednesday on the Fortson rock quarry expansion, someone else did:

Interesting response from Historic Columbus foundation when asked if it was true they accepted $25k for approving the quarry expansion. (see below)

I replied to her asking how a gift that was a contingency for approval is different from a bribe. She has not responded as quickly to this question.

*****

Mr. Moshell:

Florida Rock has offered to lease the Getzen House (once they purchase it) and Fortson Post Office to a non-profit organization along with contributing $25,000 to that 501(C)(3) organization to aid in the restoration of those two buildings. This non-profit has not been named and is not Historic Columbus Foundation.

Elizabeth Barker

Director of Preservation Services

Historic Columbus Foundation, Inc.

We thank Mr. Moshell for updating this. First of all, I didn't realize the Fortson Post Office was such a historic place. Too bad the city of Columbus didn't get a federal Homeland Security grant, to put concrete barriers around it. That could have stopped both terrorists and rock blasters.

So if the Historic Columbus Foundation isn't getting the $25,000 contribution, which charity will? It's some group which will restore the buildings - and you probably could turn that Post Office into a nice Habitat for Humanity duplex....

Now for other items from a wonderful Wednesday - and not only because of the weather (I'll explain why another day):

+ The TV weather experts warned snow flurries are possible in Columbus Friday morning. We suggest you go to the supermarket and buy two weeks' worth of bread and milk early in the day, before the crowd arrives.

+ Gas prices took another jump across Columbus, to a low price of $2.19 a gallon (Summit, 15^th and Veterans Parkway). Maybe I'm missing something here - but I don't recall hearing about grass fires destroying any Texas oil refineries.

+ The evening news visited Pitts Enterprises in Pittsview, where welders work four ten-hour days a week. If you scoff at this sort of schedule, consider this -- many of you are in the middle of three Monday holidays in four weeks. If you can't handle that, maybe you need a hobby outside the office.

+ An Opelika man began an online contest, where you can win $100,000. All you have to do is register at his website loaded with ads - or as they call this at the Ledger-Enquirer's web department, heaven on earth.

+ Alabama Lieutenant Governor Lucy Baxley held a rally in Montgomery, launching her campaign for Governor. She says it's time for a female governor again, after 40 years of men. Some men wouldn't object to this, if an Auburn cheerleader was running....

+ Auburn slammed Southern Mississippi 80-57 in men's college basketball. The game was played at 5:00 p.m. in Auburn - which may show how cocky the athletic department was about playing in the Rose Bowl for the football championship.

+ Instant Message to WRBL: Who was that guest you had at 5:00 p.m. Wednesday - the one who told viewers they could pick up tickets for an event next Thursday at WTVM? You need to be like attorneys, and coach the witnesses a little better than that....

COMING SOON: Our first beggar of the new year (wow, that didn't take long)....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

4 JAN 06: ON THE ROCKS

Columbus Council approved the expansion of a rock quarry Tuesday night - a project that might take 25 or 30 years to complete. What are they going to do, use all that rock to build a new AFLAC Tower?

The vote was 8-1 to allow the expansion of a quarry in Fortson, but it came after about two hours of debate. Concerned residents near the quarry tried to explain the quarry makes a lot of noise - but if politicians have learned to ignore noises they don't like, so can these people.

(Rock and noise - is this really a surprising connection? I mean, unless you listen to Sunny 100 FM....)

Fortson resident Mike Brooks told Columbus Council the blasting from the rock quarry is so bad, it turns pictures on his walls. This younger generation simply doesn't appreciate what it has. Years ago, moving pictures at home were something to brag about.

Another resident who expressed concern about the Florida Rock quarry was Columbus Regional executive Tom Titus. If only the workers used one of those fancy medical lasers to break up rocks....

The Columbus Council meeting followed nine months of negotiation between Florida Rock and Fortson residents. Thankfully, everything was settled peacefully - because let's face it, the quarry has the advantage in throwing rocks.

A Florida Rock attorney told WRBL the quarry has appointed a liaison to work in the Fortson neighborhood. We're assuming this is the person with the loudest voice in the company....

For some puzzling reason, the city consulted the Historic Columbus Foundation about the Fortson rock quarry expansion. As if flying boulders will soar halfway across town, and fall on homes in St. Elmo?

The Historic Columbus Foundation decided it has no objections to the Fortson quarry expansion, as long as Florida Rock meets several conditions. Thinking back to 2005, some of these should be obvious -- such as no guardrails on the sides of the property.

But seriously -- here are some of the REAL conditions Florida Rock has to meet to expand its quarry, and satisfy the Historic Columbus Foundation:

+ Reduced noise levels. Wow, you mean they didn't do any dynamite blasting in Columbus 100 years ago?

+ A berm on one side of the property that's 30 feet high. This not only will reduce noise - it should be enough to withstand a category-five hurricane.

+ A $25,000 "contribution" to the Historic Columbus Foundation. Now hold on here - at some airports in Nigeria, wouldn't this be called bribery?

It's that last detail which may raise some eyebrows. Some people think the Historic Columbus Foundation has too much power over development in Columbus. Now it will get a nice "contribution" to endorse an expanded rock quarry. Council candidates this year may find the donation process works in reverse.

On another matter, Columbus Council approved changes in city rules for accrediting massage therapists. So who was the person at WRBL who decided to put "massage PARLORS" on the screen during the 11:00 p.m. news? I think there's a slight difference there....

E-MAIL UPDATE: First we had a critic of the Burkard Awards [1 Jan] - but now we have the other side:

Thanks for the wonderful award Richard. Sorry I wasn't able to come to Columbus to pick it up in person. I did however write about this honor in my blog, The News & Observer.

Happy New Year!

Joshua McKinney

Yes, the former meteorologist has joined the blogging brigade. His blog has many things about the weather - and also a good bit about international soccer. Yet I don't recall him ever doing any forecasts from the Woodruff Farm complex.

Joshua McKinney's working these days with a regional cable news channel based in Raleigh, North Carolina. In fact, the name of his blog is the same as the big Raleigh newspaper - yet he says he never realized that until he set up his blog. Hmmmm - if we take Ledger-Enquirer.blogspot.com , then call the publisher....

When Joshua McKinney moved north, someone else moved with him. We had e-mail Tuesday from her as well -- former Columbus TV reporter Gretchen Bartelt:

Richard-

When you say WISCONSIN you say it all!

Go Badgers!

ps- have you ever tried limburger? Might work wonders with the ladies... :)

Limburger cheese? Oh no, please. I've seen those Guinness beer commercials set in Green Bay, and I know better....

Yes, Gretchen Bartelt is a Wisconsin native - so she probably was smiling throughout Monday's Capital One Bowl win over Auburn. If she still lived in Columbus, people would have felt her badgering more personally.

BLOG UPDATE: Oh yes, we almost forgot -- West Virginia held on to beat Georgia 38-35 early Tuesday in the Sugar Bowl. So our "projection" of the outcome was correct, and I'm feeling a lot better about the coming election year.

Now other bits and pieces from Tuesday:

+ It was the first anniversary of the Columbus Public Library's opening. Hopefully you noticed there was NO big-money ceremony -- and NO six-story-tall cake cut in front of the building.

+ The organizers of SafetyCab reported people received 343 free taxi rides during the holiday season. That's exactly the same number as a year ago - so perhaps these were the usual tavern customers.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths beat Florida in overtime, for their eighth win in a row. They had a run like this in 2005, you know - and now if the Southern League will move up its playoffs about three months....

+ WRBL found a redshirted Florida State football player in the stands, at the Taylor County-Pacelli basketball game. And it was on the night Florida State played in the Orange Bowl! Did he get caught with linebacker A.J. Nicholson, violating team rules?

(Then again, maybe that redshirt player knew something - because the Orange Bowl dragged on until 1:00 a.m., and Florida State lost.)

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

for 3 JAN 06: BOWL DAY U.S.A.

Let's face it -- Monday was a day for sports-loving, football-hungry guys. That rainy parade in Pasadena is put on TV just to keep the women from feeling totally ignored.

While the ladies enjoyed flower-covered floats, the so-called "Bowl Bonanza" began with Alabama playing Texas Tech in the Cotton Bowl. And the Crimson Tide defense was SO TOUGH - to borrow from TV scoreboard shorthand, it was a TEXT-book example.

Alabama's Jamie Christiansen kicked a 45-yard sideways field goal as time ran out, as the Tide topped Texas Tech 13-10. It was a classic Eli Gold radio call: "It's not pretty - but it is beautiful!" I'll be busy the next couple of days, writing a country song with those words....

Alabama fans were joyous, noting the Cotton Bowl win gave the Crimson Tide a ten-win season. Skeptics at Auburn would argue it was Alabama's first win in almost two months.

There was a close call after the Cotton Bowl was over, as Alabama head coach Mike Shula's folding chair collapsed under him during a news conference. The last time a Crimson Tide coach received such a jolt to his rear, Mike Price filed a lawsuit....

The curious quote of the day comes from Fox Sports analyst Terry Donahue, who said of the Alabama football team: "They're a little bit smarter than I thought they were." Huh?! Does he live in North Columbus or something?

(After all, just because a college has "Tech" in its name does NOT mean its students are smarter. The fact that Georgia Tech is on probation in several sports should be evidence of that.)

The Fox sports team told an interesting story about Texas Tech defender Dwayne "One-Horse Open" Slay. He traveled from Brunswick, Georgia to a California junior college - and took nothing with him except a Bible. If it was a public junior college, he probably was told to drop that at the gate.

Two hours after the Cotton Bowl kickoff, the Capital One Bowl began with Auburn facing Wisconsin. Give ABC's Ron Franklin some credit - he knew Opelika is "right next door" to Auburn. That's more than a lot of Auburn students know....

But next to Ron Franklin, former Notre Dame coach Bob Davie did NOT impress me much. For instance, he said two Auburn tailbacks should have some interesting "competition for playing time" in coming years. Their names, sir, were Ronnie Brown and Carnell Williams.-- and they're both doing fine in the N.F.L.

If you turned down the TV sound to listen to the Capital One Bowl on WVRK "Rock 103," it had to feel strange. The Auburn radio broadcast was about seven seconds ahead of the television picture. You almost expected commercials for a psychic hotline....

(I assume ABC used a tape delay to make sure nothing unseemly was seen or heard on television -- yet they never showed Howard Stern or Janet Jackson in the crowd.)

The Capital One Bowl in Orlando was a physical game at times. An Auburn offensive lineman was ejected in the second quarter, when he slugged a Wisconsin player who had pulled off his helmet. You need to keep your head, even when all around you are ripping at yours....

Auburn trailed Wisconsin 17-0 at the half, and the ABC broadcasters were shocked. They suggested Auburn's offense simply had not shown up. Well, I think it did - but it was inspired by the actors at Universal Studios Orlando.

The officiating of the Capital One Bowl raised questions a couple of times. Did you see Auburn head coach Tommy Tuberville in the second half, wearing eyeglasses - and NOT sunglasses? That's one classy, subtle way to slap the referee....

Wisconsin wound up whipping Auburn 24-10 in the Capital One Bowl. You know the Tigers were in trouble when the announcers mentioned David Irons as often as Kenny Irons -- and David is a safety making tackles.

The Wisconsin Badgers put the game away with a long end-to-end drive in the fourth quarter. That shouldn't have been a surprise - to see people from Wisconsin know how to milk a clock....

As for the dinner-hour Fiesta Bowl, I'll say only one thing: That Ohio State linebacker went to the wrong university. He should have gone to Kansas - and truly been A. J-Hawk.

The big bowl day wrapped up in Atlanta Monday night, with Georgia facing West Virginia in the No-Care Sugar Bowl. Well, I THINK I spelled that name right....

It was a dark and stormy night - but Georgia radio announcer Scott Howard declared the Georgia Dome was "safe, secure...." He apparently doesn't remember the August storm on a Saturday night several years ago, which put a hole in the dome roof.

The Sugar Bowl officials did not give anyone comfort. The referee said West Virginia wanted the ball first, when it really deferred. He walked off a personal foul on West Virginia, then turned around and called it against Georgia. It's a wonder he didn't show up at the New Orleans Superdome.

West Virginia scored first in the Sugar Bowl on a long, fast run - and of course, that made Legendary Voice of the Bulldogs Larry Munson concerned. "Remember the road runner? Remember the 'beep beep' guy out of Arkansas?" he said. And all these years, I thought those cartoons were set in Arizona.

Then West Virginia raced out to a 28-0 Sugar Bowl lead - and ABC showed pictures of stunned Georgia fans in the stands. If you didn't know better, you would have thought Ray Goff was coaching the Bulldogs again.

But Georgia rallied to trail only 31-21 at the half, and Larry Munson wondered how many "hours" were left to go. After about 12 hours of football on television, countless women were asking the very same question.

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Our deadline comes before the Sugar Bowl ends - so we'll dare to declare West Virginia the winner based on early returns, and we'll check what really happened Wednesday.)

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

2 JAN 06: SOCK MARKET UPDATE

Sunday was cloudy in Columbus, with occasional spurts of rain. In other words, it was the perfect day to stay indoors and shop. And thankfully, the mobs of mall shoppers were at home - anxiously awaiting the credit card bills in the mail.

I only had one real need on Sunday, and admittedly it may sound strange -- a pair of red socks. As you may have noticed from this blog, I like a wide range of colors. I suppose conservative bloggers would prefer to have everything in black and white....

The wide color range extends to my wardrobe -- and as the opportunity presents itself, I wear red socks every so often. In fact, it occurred to me during Sunday's shopping trip that for one day I was a member of the "Red Sox nation."

But my last pair of red socks were rather dressy and thin, and they developed holes after only a couple of years. I suppose that's because I'd wear them not only for work, but jogging in the neighborhood. If I collapsed on the sidewalk, my red socks could serve as a distress signal.

Red socks can be as hard to find in stores as Boston World Series titles, so I expected to do some searching when I drove to Peachtree Mall Sunday. The first good sign was that I was able to park fairly close to the Dillard's door. Two weeks ago, that would have been met with at least one angry glare.

The big stores are the usual suspects, when I shop for clothing.at Peachtree Mall. I started with Dillard's, and found red socks - but they were in a designer-name three-pack set with white and blue socks, costing 18 dollars. As if I should wear all three pair together at once, to be patriotic?!

Dillard's also had something I'd never seen before -- an ultra-plush pair of "leisure socks," which barely would cover your feet. They seem fitting either for wearing to bed, or for throwing from a stage at a nightclub.

JC Penney had no red socks to offer, so I marched to the other end of Peachtree Mall - but on the way to Macy*s (it has to have a star, you know), I had a hunch. I walked into Eddie Bauer, a place I never visit because it sells "outdoor wear." My idea of an outdoor adventure is renting a convertible for a vacation.

"May I help you find something?" asked the attendant inside Eddie Bauer.

"Socks?" I answered. Yes, they had some - and these TV detectives are rubbing off on me more and more.

No, Eddie Bauer did NOT have red socks - but the store had another color which can be hard to find. I jumped on a sale price of $2.99 for a thick pair of what the tag called "chunky gold" socks. Come to think of it, does that tag mean they're only for overweight people?

(The Eddie Bauer attendant put my little pair of socks in a medium-large orange paper shopping bag - the kind which is like a gift bag. Anything for free advertising, I suppose....)

Once I reached Macy*s, I found a pair of Polo red socks, marked down 40 percent - but they were marked down from 15 dollars! If I wanted to pay 15 dollars (or even nine) for a pair of socks, I'd burn ten dollars worth of gasoline and drive to Neiman-Marcus in Atlanta.

I left Peachtree Mall with a pair of chunky gold socks I can hold, for when my current yellow (but apparently not chunky) socks wear out. I also stopped at the Food Court, and was surprised to learn it has a Subway shop now. With three cookies for $1.39, that cookie stand across the aisle is in serious trouble.

Then it was time to continue a great January 1 tradition, which I think I've done every year I've been in Columbus. Yes, I stopped at my landlord's office to pay the rent....

As I did that, hunch #2 came to me. I wasn't far from Big Lots at The Landings, and it sells socks. So I drove there, but about all it offered for men was white athletic socks. I have two pair of those already - and I'm smart enough NOT to wear those to work.

Yet another option was just down the walkway - the new home of "Below the Knee." And there I hit the jackpot: solid red sports socks for $4.50. They didn't seem too outlandish to wear for work or church. I've learned if you wear the right tie, the style praises will come.

I thanked the man at Below the Knee for the great deal - especially since the socks were folded to look like I bought TWO pair for $4.50. Imagine my surprise when I returned home, and found it was only ONE pair of knee-high socks! Oh well -- at least come summer, people won't be as shocked by my bare legs.

E-MAIL UPDATE: We're on a pace for more than 700 blog e-mails in 2006! That's because two were in our InBox Sunday, beginning with a comment on last week's emergency plane landing:

Richard,

I enjoy your blog, but sometimes you should consider firing your research staff. Pinnacle Airlines is based in Memphis, and operates Northwest Airlink. A Canadair Regional Jet 200 is an aircraft built by Bombardier Aerospace.

You forgot to mention [30 Dec 05] that at least for a couple hours, the automatic telephone attendant system at Columbus Metro Airport was at least two-thirds correct!

Justin.

Thanks for setting things straight, Justin. But c'mon now - a blogger with a "research staff"?! If you'd like to make a donation to this blog, perhaps I'll be able to actually hire one.

My source for the details on last week's crash was the evening TV news. I dare to think news reporters try their best to get the facts straight. But then again, I believed God told CBN's Pat Robertson last January that President Bush would get Social Security reform passed - and it never happened.

As it happened, a small plane actually crashed in a Phenix City neighborhood Sunday evening, leaving three people aboard slightly injured. The pilot apparently ran out of fuel, and couldn't find Columbus Airport due to fog at dusk. By comparison, most major airlines can't find it at ANY time....

And for the first time, we have e-mail about our Burkard Awards:

You have mentioned the Glennwood listing several times this year. What is your beef with Glenwood? How do you blame the school and not the stupid phone book company? I assume it's because you have a problem with private education. Perhaps you prefer kids having sex by the time they are twelve, and receiving breakfast at taxpayer expense (simultaneously in some instances)?

Our address shows up as hyphenated. I'm not sure there are any hyphenated streets in Columbus? Our fault, or someone in Bangalore, India, keying in an entry?

Happy New Year, maybe this is the year you get a deeeluxe apartment on the east side.

Well, well - someone had a few New Year's fireworks left over, didn't they?

Starting from the top: my research staff.... oops, I forgot: I checked the blog records, and found the misspelling of Glenwood School in the phone book was only mentioned once in 2005 [4 Aug]. So that's one last year, and one this new year. So I guess I should stop there, and declare a one-slap-a-year limit.

Is the misspelling of Glenwood BellSouth's fault? I'm not so sure, after checking the other big Columbus phone book. TransWestern Publishing has "Glennwood" twice in its white pages, and twice in its yellow pages. Who provides the paid yellow pages listing - a second grader at the lower school?

(By the way, where are the hyphens in the Summerville Road address? My phone books didn't show any - unless you count the dozens of them in front of the phone numbers.)

I really have no "problem with private education." All my education was in public schools - and while this was years ago, I don't recall any classmates having sex at age 12. But my mom probably wouldn't have minded the free breakfasts....

My point here is that if private education truly is superior, we should be able to see it. Misspelling Glenwood School in the phone book several times over several years is NOT a good way to sell your school to others. It's a bit like Dunkin Donuts talking about nothing but drinks in its ads anymore....

To be fair: the Muscogee County school listing in the BellSouth white pages has a spelling problem as well. "Forrest Road Elementary" is listed with its location on "Forest Road." Maybe the extra letter was added to emphasize the "three R's," somehow.

While we're on matters of spelling: we must mention the sender's name on this e-mail was a "Bob Poydachef." Who would dare steal the identity of the Mayor of Columbus? Someone who wants to take their own European vacation?

And oh yes, about that "deluxe apartment on the east side" - are you talking about the Muscogee County Prison on Schatulga Road?

Now other one-liners from a rather busy January 1:

+ Someone rammed a stolen truck into Shooters on Milgen Road and stole several guns. I know it was perfect hunting weather, but that's no excuse for this....

+ The Ledger-Enquirer used its first issue of 2006 to introduce its entire reporting staff. This may have been designed to debunk the rumors of budget cuts - and show the newspaper actually still has reporters.

+ The state of Georgia began offering a collection of NASCAR plates, featuring dozens of drivers. I'm still not used to that offer to carry Tony Stewart in my wallet - and now he could be hanging on to my trunk.

+ A giant peach was dropped in downtown Atlanta to mark the new year. With the name change in the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl, I assume this will change next year - and they'll drop a giant chicken sandwich instead.

+ The Atlanta Falcons were crushed by Carolina 44-11, and ended the season at 8-8. The Falcons now have gone 39 seasons without back-to-back winning records. If owner Arthur Blank faced this in his business, Home Depot might be bankrupt by now.

(Did you see what happened to Carolina quarterback Jake Delhomme early in the game? An Atlanta player tackled him, and ripped a hole in his pants! WRBL's Bruce Frazier wondered aloud during the 6:00 p.m. news if he could show it on the air - apparently forgetting CBS aired the Victoria's Secret fashion show several weeks ago.)

+ Instant Message to the new Isla Verde Muffler Shop on Victory Drive: Some of us know a little Spanish - and we're sorry to tell you that your business is nowhere close to Green Island.

COMING THIS WEEK: Did someone in Columbus make an $8,000 New Year's mistake?....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

1 JAN 06: THE AWARDS GO TO....

Thank you, thank you very much - and welcome to the first awards show of 2006! After this one, there should be about 100 more on television this year....

This is our third annual year-end Burkard Awards, honoring all sorts of noteworthy things in the Columbus area. Our inspiration comes from a Kansas City TV station, which decided to offer "Dubious Achievement Awards" one New Year's Night instead of having a 10:00 p.m. newscast. As we recall, the News Director left town within a year.

We'll present this year's Burkard Awards in a moment -- but first this quick update on weekend developments from The News Desk (and if we were webcasting, you'd marvel at how it looks a lot like the award desk):

+ Accused drug dealer Jason Dempsey resigned from the Columbus Fire Department, then pleaded NOT guilty. The city planned to fire Dempsey, anyway - so perhaps he made so much money from drug deals that he doesn't need unemployment checks.

+ Many Columbus gas stations made a year-end price hike, with the standard price of regular unleaded going to $2.09. Anything to promote SafetyCab, I suppose....

(Despite this, the Dolly Madison bakery gas pumps on Victory Drive remained at $1.99 Saturday. That'll teach some of you to stop writing checks.)

+ A Saturday evening jog discovered some people were setting off fireworks in Phenix City at 6:45 p.m. Which clock were they using to figure New Year's - Greenwich Mean Time?

+ African-American members of the Georgia legislature proposed putting tributes to four civil rights leaders inside the state Capitol building. Three of them I can understand, because they're Georgians - but Rosa Parks?! Didn't she take Dr. Martin Luther King out of the state for awhile?

+ Georgia's mens' basketball team whipped Western Carolina 89-65. The Bulldogs now have nine wins, one more than all last season -- so it's nice to see Coach Dennis Felton was able to schedule weaker opponents this year.

+ Georgia football coach Mark Richt imposed an 11:00 p.m. curfew, so players wouldn't get in trouble on New Year's Eve before the Sugar Bowl. He really didn't have to go this far. He could have put the team in a Coweta County motel.

+ Which Columbus TV personality is moderating an online discussion of (ahem) oral sex? This person claims it's important in answering the question, "How many people have you been with?" As if you can't be WITH someone without jumping in bed with them....

+ Instant Message to Cascade Hills Church: Are you doing the same thing on New Year's Day that I hear you did on Christmas Day -- having no services, and even turning off your sign along J.R. Allen Parkway? At least one person wondered if the rapture had come.

AND NOW.... it's time to pull out the virtual envelopes, and hand out the Burkard Awards for 2005! With best wishes to all:

+ Politician most likely to be reelected: Mayor Bob Poydasheff. If the Fraternal Order of Police hasn't convinced anyone else to run by now....

+ Politician least likely to be reelected: Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue. Those people waving old flags in Webster County have long memories.

+ Celebrity criminal of the year: It's close -- but we give it to Russell County Commissioner Ronnie Reed over sheriff's son Adam Johnson. After all, Reed kept his crime hidden better.

+ Worst overstatement of the year: Pastor Wayne Baker's speech declaring last January's civil rights march marked the launch of a new Columbus for African-American people. By the end of April, that idea was in a "cooling-off" time out.

+ Worst understatement of the year: Jerry Laquire, for declaring on his now-canceled WCGT talk show that hurricanes such as Katrina are "little."

+ Worst advertisement for private education: Glenwood School. The latest BellSouth phone book lists one of the three numbers as GLENNWOOD -- and that's an improvement from prior years.

+ Worst example of "dumbing down" in Columbus: The new Public Library on Macon Road. Large signs now give detailed directions to various area - as if people can't read the signs high above each entryway, which have been there for a year.

+ Best adjustment of a broadcast signal: WLGA-TV 66. It now can be seen with power throughout Columbus. But then again, can anyone see those Opelika and Auburn commercials and programs IN Opelika and Auburn now?

+ Worst adjustment of a broadcast signal: WRCG Radio. A switch that was supposed to take 60 days has dragged on nearly half the year - and WSB in Atlanta would like to welcome all the new listeners to Georgia football games.

+ Sports coach of the year: Bobby Howard of Columbus High School. At least HIS team hasn't left town, or threatened to do it.

+ Sports coach you'd most want to walk home with late at night: Jerome Bechard of the Cottonmouths.

+ Couple we'd most like to see replace Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson on "Newlyweds": AFLAC's Dan Amos and Kathleen Spencer. Of course, the show might have to move to CNBC....

+ Hottest new restaurant: Firehouse Subs. Pun intended.

+ Most surprising restaurant failure: Golden Rule Barbecue in Phenix City. This must explain why that city doesn't have a Country's, while Auburn has one.

+ Best breakfast deal in Columbus: Golden Donuts. Two dozen only cost about six dollars -- while the boutiques around them charge that much for one dozen.

+ Supermarket most needed in Columbus: Kroger wins this award again. Hey, at this point I'd take one in Smiths Station.

+ Neighborhood where you're most likely to see houses going on sale: the Gateway Road area of Midland. Those businesses which are going to fail around the new Wal-Mart have to go somewhere.

+ Best new idea in local broadcasting: Putting Antonio Carter with Robbie Watson on WRCG's "TalkLine." It's a bold and daring move for this city - well, at least since Reggie Foster left Alan Quin by himself on Sunny 100 FM.

+ Best idea that didn't last: "Out of Order" on WCGT-TV - a local (not to mention live) Sunday public affairs show. New York television stations can do it. Columbus loses theirs, for a church service.

+ Radio station most likely to change formats next: WHAL-AM. As much as I like this station, its initial splash has worn out - and a substantial number of listeners may be praying in Spanish for it to fail.

+ TV personality most missed by Columbus viewers: Joshua McKinney. I've had so many people ask about him, I'm thinking he could have challenged Bob Poydasheff for Mayor.

+ Most puzzling business decision: The Columbus Cottonmouths putting their broadcasts for a second year on a radio station along Interstate 85, which most of Columbus can't hear. I suppose it forces the hockey fans to go to the games, but....

+ Most money-hungry businessman of the year: Whoever raised the price of gas to five dollars a gallon at the BP station on Buena Vista Road. Has he had any customers since September -- and if so, why?

+ Person least likely to visit Columbus anytime soon: sculptor Albert Paley.

+ Blog which is offering this one the best competition: the Sin City Inquisition and Bar-B-Q. To accuse this blog of burnout TWICE in two months - why, the guy must be nervous....

+ Blog joke of the year: In the spirit of giving, we'll award this to e-mailer Ed Joyce. After Pope John Paul II died, we predicted the next pope would NOT be named "George Ringo I" - to which Mr. Joyce wondered if he might take the name "Yoko Uno."

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.