1 JAN 06: THE AWARDS GO TO....

Thank you, thank you very much - and welcome to the first awards show of 2006! After this one, there should be about 100 more on television this year....

This is our third annual year-end Burkard Awards, honoring all sorts of noteworthy things in the Columbus area. Our inspiration comes from a Kansas City TV station, which decided to offer "Dubious Achievement Awards" one New Year's Night instead of having a 10:00 p.m. newscast. As we recall, the News Director left town within a year.

We'll present this year's Burkard Awards in a moment -- but first this quick update on weekend developments from The News Desk (and if we were webcasting, you'd marvel at how it looks a lot like the award desk):

+ Accused drug dealer Jason Dempsey resigned from the Columbus Fire Department, then pleaded NOT guilty. The city planned to fire Dempsey, anyway - so perhaps he made so much money from drug deals that he doesn't need unemployment checks.

+ Many Columbus gas stations made a year-end price hike, with the standard price of regular unleaded going to $2.09. Anything to promote SafetyCab, I suppose....

(Despite this, the Dolly Madison bakery gas pumps on Victory Drive remained at $1.99 Saturday. That'll teach some of you to stop writing checks.)

+ A Saturday evening jog discovered some people were setting off fireworks in Phenix City at 6:45 p.m. Which clock were they using to figure New Year's - Greenwich Mean Time?

+ African-American members of the Georgia legislature proposed putting tributes to four civil rights leaders inside the state Capitol building. Three of them I can understand, because they're Georgians - but Rosa Parks?! Didn't she take Dr. Martin Luther King out of the state for awhile?

+ Georgia's mens' basketball team whipped Western Carolina 89-65. The Bulldogs now have nine wins, one more than all last season -- so it's nice to see Coach Dennis Felton was able to schedule weaker opponents this year.

+ Georgia football coach Mark Richt imposed an 11:00 p.m. curfew, so players wouldn't get in trouble on New Year's Eve before the Sugar Bowl. He really didn't have to go this far. He could have put the team in a Coweta County motel.

+ Which Columbus TV personality is moderating an online discussion of (ahem) oral sex? This person claims it's important in answering the question, "How many people have you been with?" As if you can't be WITH someone without jumping in bed with them....

+ Instant Message to Cascade Hills Church: Are you doing the same thing on New Year's Day that I hear you did on Christmas Day -- having no services, and even turning off your sign along J.R. Allen Parkway? At least one person wondered if the rapture had come.

AND NOW.... it's time to pull out the virtual envelopes, and hand out the Burkard Awards for 2005! With best wishes to all:

+ Politician most likely to be reelected: Mayor Bob Poydasheff. If the Fraternal Order of Police hasn't convinced anyone else to run by now....

+ Politician least likely to be reelected: Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue. Those people waving old flags in Webster County have long memories.

+ Celebrity criminal of the year: It's close -- but we give it to Russell County Commissioner Ronnie Reed over sheriff's son Adam Johnson. After all, Reed kept his crime hidden better.

+ Worst overstatement of the year: Pastor Wayne Baker's speech declaring last January's civil rights march marked the launch of a new Columbus for African-American people. By the end of April, that idea was in a "cooling-off" time out.

+ Worst understatement of the year: Jerry Laquire, for declaring on his now-canceled WCGT talk show that hurricanes such as Katrina are "little."

+ Worst advertisement for private education: Glenwood School. The latest BellSouth phone book lists one of the three numbers as GLENNWOOD -- and that's an improvement from prior years.

+ Worst example of "dumbing down" in Columbus: The new Public Library on Macon Road. Large signs now give detailed directions to various area - as if people can't read the signs high above each entryway, which have been there for a year.

+ Best adjustment of a broadcast signal: WLGA-TV 66. It now can be seen with power throughout Columbus. But then again, can anyone see those Opelika and Auburn commercials and programs IN Opelika and Auburn now?

+ Worst adjustment of a broadcast signal: WRCG Radio. A switch that was supposed to take 60 days has dragged on nearly half the year - and WSB in Atlanta would like to welcome all the new listeners to Georgia football games.

+ Sports coach of the year: Bobby Howard of Columbus High School. At least HIS team hasn't left town, or threatened to do it.

+ Sports coach you'd most want to walk home with late at night: Jerome Bechard of the Cottonmouths.

+ Couple we'd most like to see replace Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson on "Newlyweds": AFLAC's Dan Amos and Kathleen Spencer. Of course, the show might have to move to CNBC....

+ Hottest new restaurant: Firehouse Subs. Pun intended.

+ Most surprising restaurant failure: Golden Rule Barbecue in Phenix City. This must explain why that city doesn't have a Country's, while Auburn has one.

+ Best breakfast deal in Columbus: Golden Donuts. Two dozen only cost about six dollars -- while the boutiques around them charge that much for one dozen.

+ Supermarket most needed in Columbus: Kroger wins this award again. Hey, at this point I'd take one in Smiths Station.

+ Neighborhood where you're most likely to see houses going on sale: the Gateway Road area of Midland. Those businesses which are going to fail around the new Wal-Mart have to go somewhere.

+ Best new idea in local broadcasting: Putting Antonio Carter with Robbie Watson on WRCG's "TalkLine." It's a bold and daring move for this city - well, at least since Reggie Foster left Alan Quin by himself on Sunny 100 FM.

+ Best idea that didn't last: "Out of Order" on WCGT-TV - a local (not to mention live) Sunday public affairs show. New York television stations can do it. Columbus loses theirs, for a church service.

+ Radio station most likely to change formats next: WHAL-AM. As much as I like this station, its initial splash has worn out - and a substantial number of listeners may be praying in Spanish for it to fail.

+ TV personality most missed by Columbus viewers: Joshua McKinney. I've had so many people ask about him, I'm thinking he could have challenged Bob Poydasheff for Mayor.

+ Most puzzling business decision: The Columbus Cottonmouths putting their broadcasts for a second year on a radio station along Interstate 85, which most of Columbus can't hear. I suppose it forces the hockey fans to go to the games, but....

+ Most money-hungry businessman of the year: Whoever raised the price of gas to five dollars a gallon at the BP station on Buena Vista Road. Has he had any customers since September -- and if so, why?

+ Person least likely to visit Columbus anytime soon: sculptor Albert Paley.

+ Blog which is offering this one the best competition: the Sin City Inquisition and Bar-B-Q. To accuse this blog of burnout TWICE in two months - why, the guy must be nervous....

+ Blog joke of the year: In the spirit of giving, we'll award this to e-mailer Ed Joyce. After Pope John Paul II died, we predicted the next pope would NOT be named "George Ringo I" - to which Mr. Joyce wondered if he might take the name "Yoko Uno."

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