12 JAN 06: GRAND OLD OPERA

"You ought to go," a co-worker suggested when the subject of an opera in Columbus came up. But I wasn't really sure. I have plenty of things to keep me busy - and daytime TV has all sorts of soap operas I could watch instead.

But then I realized Wednesday night's production in Columbus would be the first professional opera in the city in decades. You can spot the amateur productions around here right away -- filled with guitar players, and "Opry" in the name.

It had been about 20 years since I attended an opera. The Metropolitan Opera used to go on "spring tours" after its New York season ended, including a week in May at the Atlanta Civic Center. A group of us from church went twice in the mid-80's -- even though only one of the women might have had a fur coat to show off.

I used to listen to the Metropolitan Opera Saturday broadcasts on public radio, but I stopped doing that several years ago. So many plots are about murder, war, cheating lovers, false gods -- in other words, it's a lot like the prime-time TV lineup on NBC.

But this co-worker's suggestion stuck in my mind. It had been a long time between operas. It was one of those rare Columbus opportunities. And I'd never been inside the RiverCenter before -- although I've jogged by it enough times to know some of those touring "Riverdancers" smoke cigarettes.

So Wednesday night, I decided to have some fun. I walked down Broadway to the RiverCenter, for a touring production of Mozart's "The Magic Flute." Maybe it would be like David Copperfield's magic show next week, only with a different prop.

(For some of you who might be confused -- this opera was NOT about football. That would be "The Magic FLUTIE.")

At Ninth and Broadway, things began to get interesting. "Excuse me, sir," said a young woman who approached me. Well, an opera would be a likely spot for beggars to meet people with plenty of money....

But no, this was NOT my third meeting with a beggar in eight days. "I'm new to this city," the woman said. "Do you know if the Bill Heard Theatre is part of the RiverCenter?" This I knew, and yes it is. We were both heading to the opera - but it seemed like an awkward moment to turn it into a blind date.

You could tell it was the Bill Heard Theatre, because four Bill Heard Cadillacs were parked around the main entrance. Golden Donuts can open its own theatre anytime it pleases....

The woman who asked the question had a reserved ticket, but I did not. I'd called in advance for the RiverCenter prices, and asked at the box office for a front balcony seat. "Front row?" the woman in the booth asked. Wow - and I'm not even Bob Uecker.

"How did sales go for this show?" I asked the ticket booth woman.

"OK. I wish it could have been better." In fact, it appeared from my view that the RiverCenter was not even half-full for this first Columbus opera in decades. Do THAT many people go to church meetings on Wednesday nights?

But perhaps the location was the problem. Somebody's gotta ask it - why was Columbus's first opera in decades at the RiverCenter, and not the place with "Opera House" in its name? Maybe it's time to rename it the "Springer Theater and Summer Day Camp."

To reach my front-row balcony seat, I walked up the RiverCenter's "Grand Staircase." Well, it IS tall - but to call it grand, I expected a grand piano on it somewhere....

While most of the audience for "The Magic Flute" appeared to be well up in years, a few families showed up for the opera. But two children went in ahead of me with school textbooks - so maybe Legacy Hall should have shown them reruns of "The Magic School Bus."

"DI ZA-BER-FLOAT," said a girl two seats down from me, who tried to pronounce the German title of the opera. It was the first opera ever for her and her father -- and Dad only told me at intermission: "It sure is different." Imagine if there hadn't been English translations of the singers above the stage.

So how was the opera? Let's begin in the orchestra pit -- and NOT with the musicians. From my balcony seat, two large orange trash cans were in clear view at the back. As if the Sofia Symphony Orchestra of Bulgaria would need to spit out some chewing tobacco?!

Columbus was the first stop on the Mozart Festival Opera's "Magic Flute" tour, and it showed a few times. One note during the overture was badly off-key. But some members of the audience showed they were also first-timers, by applauding well before the overture ended. [True!]

The main male star of "The Magic Flute" is supposed to be a prince named Tamino - but U.S. singer Benjamin Brecher disappointed me. His voice lacked the power to convince me he could take on the heroic challenges of his role. He's a romantic tenor - but he needs some tough love.

The role of Tamino's sidekick Papageno offers a great opportunity to steal scenes, and Vladimir Samsonov did exactly that. He sang so well and had such great comedic effect that when a delightful duet with Tamino's lover in Act I ended, I thought she'd chosen the wrong boyfriend.

Papageno's part is that of a bird handler who has no love life. At one point, female lead Pamina tells him Heaven will provide a wife - to which he replies: "Heaven better hurry." To which I said under my breath: "Amen, brother, amen."

The women in "The Magic Flute" proved themselves capable. Russian soprano Larissa Yudina especially stood out for a famous aria in Act II, where she sings a series of very high staccato notes. It's a good thing they don't allow beverages inside the theatre, because plastic cups might have cracked.

But as I say, the opera had some irritating glitches which might be the result of an opening night:

+ One or two performers could be seen in the wings well before their stage appearance. In the National Football League, they'd risk getting run over by a running back.

+ A box of "magic bells" Papageno plays was inexplicably left on stage for several scenes in Act II. Papageno picked it up when he returned, as part of his character -- but I was left wondering if someone was going to kick the box offstage.

+ The English translation above the RiverCenter lagged well behind the action at times in Act II, and seemed to miss key lines in Act I. A group of female spirits came on stage dressed in white, but their purpose was never explained. For all you knew, they might have belonged to the Alan Jackson Fan Club.

(By the way, the program called the three spirits "genii." I thought that was a group from a Star Wars movie....)

Set designer Axel Eibl took a very minimalist approach to "The Magic Flute," with only one basic set-up and a couple of backdrop changes during the opera. It's almost as if he expects most of the audience to buy cheap balcony seats.

But the minimalism seemed to go too far at some points in the opera. When Papageno considers hanging himself for the lack of a lover, he sings about going to a tree - and a noose drops from above the stage, with nothing more. Did "Trees Columbus" have veto power over this production?

I almost wonder if Axel Eibl read the libretto for "The Magic Flute" before preparing the production. One line in Act II says Tamino's flute was made from an "oak tree" - yet the one he held was 100-percent shiny brass. But then again, maybe the magic started in the construction process....

My only other comment about "The Magic Flute" involves a few members of the audience. My Act II listening was interrupted at least twice by cell phone ring tones - one of them coming at a key moment in a duet, and sounding as loud as the orchestra. You could wait for the Alabama-Auburn score until the opera ended

I've attended concert halls where you have to check in your cameras and pagers in the lobby. Can't the RiverCenter do this - not only for beepers, but cell phones? I'm sure Alltel would be willing to sponsor this kiosk....

It's always fun to "people watch" at something like an opera, to see which famous faces show up. But the only one I spotted Wednesday night was Columbus Mayor Bob Poydasheff. No, I did NOT ask what he knew about the split sales tax proposal, and exactly when he knew it.

Even with a few glitches, "The Magic Flute" was enjoyable to watch and worth the trip to see. There -- a nice line for other concert halls on the tour to use in their advertising....

If you missed Wednesday night's opera, another one is coming to the RiverCenter February 11 - Gilbert and Sullivan's "H.M.S. Pinafore." I certainly hope that crowd will be larger than the one Wednesday night. Otherwise, Columbus may be an opera-free zone for decades to come.

Now for a few encores, from the Wednesday news:

+ Two more planes landed at Fort Benning, bringing home more Third Brigade soldiers from Iraq. It's somewhat sad to note Benning's air field probably has handled more arriving passengers this week than Columbus Metropolitan Airport.

+ The Georgia Governor's office agreed to keep West Central Georgia Regional Hospital open one more year. These short-term extensions are enough to drive someone crazy - other than the patients, we mean.

+ The late TV news revealed West Point is in contention for a Kia auto assembly plant, which could employ 2,000 people. This could require some major retraining of the workforce - since small Kias don't need that many textiles for upholstery.

+ An Alabama legislative committee voted to make the phrase "God Bless America" optional on state license plates. Some people want the phrase added to almost all tags - but this would make it easier for God to spot the atheists for punishment.

+ Instant Message to the woman I saw driving an old compact car at Seventh Street and Front Avenue: I'll give you the benefit of the doubt this time. I'll assume you ran that stop sign because you feared breaking and shifting gears might shut down the engine for good.

COMING SOON: Which local school reportedly is haunted - in two places?....

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