2 JAN 06: SOCK MARKET UPDATE

Sunday was cloudy in Columbus, with occasional spurts of rain. In other words, it was the perfect day to stay indoors and shop. And thankfully, the mobs of mall shoppers were at home - anxiously awaiting the credit card bills in the mail.

I only had one real need on Sunday, and admittedly it may sound strange -- a pair of red socks. As you may have noticed from this blog, I like a wide range of colors. I suppose conservative bloggers would prefer to have everything in black and white....

The wide color range extends to my wardrobe -- and as the opportunity presents itself, I wear red socks every so often. In fact, it occurred to me during Sunday's shopping trip that for one day I was a member of the "Red Sox nation."

But my last pair of red socks were rather dressy and thin, and they developed holes after only a couple of years. I suppose that's because I'd wear them not only for work, but jogging in the neighborhood. If I collapsed on the sidewalk, my red socks could serve as a distress signal.

Red socks can be as hard to find in stores as Boston World Series titles, so I expected to do some searching when I drove to Peachtree Mall Sunday. The first good sign was that I was able to park fairly close to the Dillard's door. Two weeks ago, that would have been met with at least one angry glare.

The big stores are the usual suspects, when I shop for clothing.at Peachtree Mall. I started with Dillard's, and found red socks - but they were in a designer-name three-pack set with white and blue socks, costing 18 dollars. As if I should wear all three pair together at once, to be patriotic?!

Dillard's also had something I'd never seen before -- an ultra-plush pair of "leisure socks," which barely would cover your feet. They seem fitting either for wearing to bed, or for throwing from a stage at a nightclub.

JC Penney had no red socks to offer, so I marched to the other end of Peachtree Mall - but on the way to Macy*s (it has to have a star, you know), I had a hunch. I walked into Eddie Bauer, a place I never visit because it sells "outdoor wear." My idea of an outdoor adventure is renting a convertible for a vacation.

"May I help you find something?" asked the attendant inside Eddie Bauer.

"Socks?" I answered. Yes, they had some - and these TV detectives are rubbing off on me more and more.

No, Eddie Bauer did NOT have red socks - but the store had another color which can be hard to find. I jumped on a sale price of $2.99 for a thick pair of what the tag called "chunky gold" socks. Come to think of it, does that tag mean they're only for overweight people?

(The Eddie Bauer attendant put my little pair of socks in a medium-large orange paper shopping bag - the kind which is like a gift bag. Anything for free advertising, I suppose....)

Once I reached Macy*s, I found a pair of Polo red socks, marked down 40 percent - but they were marked down from 15 dollars! If I wanted to pay 15 dollars (or even nine) for a pair of socks, I'd burn ten dollars worth of gasoline and drive to Neiman-Marcus in Atlanta.

I left Peachtree Mall with a pair of chunky gold socks I can hold, for when my current yellow (but apparently not chunky) socks wear out. I also stopped at the Food Court, and was surprised to learn it has a Subway shop now. With three cookies for $1.39, that cookie stand across the aisle is in serious trouble.

Then it was time to continue a great January 1 tradition, which I think I've done every year I've been in Columbus. Yes, I stopped at my landlord's office to pay the rent....

As I did that, hunch #2 came to me. I wasn't far from Big Lots at The Landings, and it sells socks. So I drove there, but about all it offered for men was white athletic socks. I have two pair of those already - and I'm smart enough NOT to wear those to work.

Yet another option was just down the walkway - the new home of "Below the Knee." And there I hit the jackpot: solid red sports socks for $4.50. They didn't seem too outlandish to wear for work or church. I've learned if you wear the right tie, the style praises will come.

I thanked the man at Below the Knee for the great deal - especially since the socks were folded to look like I bought TWO pair for $4.50. Imagine my surprise when I returned home, and found it was only ONE pair of knee-high socks! Oh well -- at least come summer, people won't be as shocked by my bare legs.

E-MAIL UPDATE: We're on a pace for more than 700 blog e-mails in 2006! That's because two were in our InBox Sunday, beginning with a comment on last week's emergency plane landing:

Richard,

I enjoy your blog, but sometimes you should consider firing your research staff. Pinnacle Airlines is based in Memphis, and operates Northwest Airlink. A Canadair Regional Jet 200 is an aircraft built by Bombardier Aerospace.

You forgot to mention [30 Dec 05] that at least for a couple hours, the automatic telephone attendant system at Columbus Metro Airport was at least two-thirds correct!

Justin.

Thanks for setting things straight, Justin. But c'mon now - a blogger with a "research staff"?! If you'd like to make a donation to this blog, perhaps I'll be able to actually hire one.

My source for the details on last week's crash was the evening TV news. I dare to think news reporters try their best to get the facts straight. But then again, I believed God told CBN's Pat Robertson last January that President Bush would get Social Security reform passed - and it never happened.

As it happened, a small plane actually crashed in a Phenix City neighborhood Sunday evening, leaving three people aboard slightly injured. The pilot apparently ran out of fuel, and couldn't find Columbus Airport due to fog at dusk. By comparison, most major airlines can't find it at ANY time....

And for the first time, we have e-mail about our Burkard Awards:

You have mentioned the Glennwood listing several times this year. What is your beef with Glenwood? How do you blame the school and not the stupid phone book company? I assume it's because you have a problem with private education. Perhaps you prefer kids having sex by the time they are twelve, and receiving breakfast at taxpayer expense (simultaneously in some instances)?

Our address shows up as hyphenated. I'm not sure there are any hyphenated streets in Columbus? Our fault, or someone in Bangalore, India, keying in an entry?

Happy New Year, maybe this is the year you get a deeeluxe apartment on the east side.

Well, well - someone had a few New Year's fireworks left over, didn't they?

Starting from the top: my research staff.... oops, I forgot: I checked the blog records, and found the misspelling of Glenwood School in the phone book was only mentioned once in 2005 [4 Aug]. So that's one last year, and one this new year. So I guess I should stop there, and declare a one-slap-a-year limit.

Is the misspelling of Glenwood BellSouth's fault? I'm not so sure, after checking the other big Columbus phone book. TransWestern Publishing has "Glennwood" twice in its white pages, and twice in its yellow pages. Who provides the paid yellow pages listing - a second grader at the lower school?

(By the way, where are the hyphens in the Summerville Road address? My phone books didn't show any - unless you count the dozens of them in front of the phone numbers.)

I really have no "problem with private education." All my education was in public schools - and while this was years ago, I don't recall any classmates having sex at age 12. But my mom probably wouldn't have minded the free breakfasts....

My point here is that if private education truly is superior, we should be able to see it. Misspelling Glenwood School in the phone book several times over several years is NOT a good way to sell your school to others. It's a bit like Dunkin Donuts talking about nothing but drinks in its ads anymore....

To be fair: the Muscogee County school listing in the BellSouth white pages has a spelling problem as well. "Forrest Road Elementary" is listed with its location on "Forest Road." Maybe the extra letter was added to emphasize the "three R's," somehow.

While we're on matters of spelling: we must mention the sender's name on this e-mail was a "Bob Poydachef." Who would dare steal the identity of the Mayor of Columbus? Someone who wants to take their own European vacation?

And oh yes, about that "deluxe apartment on the east side" - are you talking about the Muscogee County Prison on Schatulga Road?

Now other one-liners from a rather busy January 1:

+ Someone rammed a stolen truck into Shooters on Milgen Road and stole several guns. I know it was perfect hunting weather, but that's no excuse for this....

+ The Ledger-Enquirer used its first issue of 2006 to introduce its entire reporting staff. This may have been designed to debunk the rumors of budget cuts - and show the newspaper actually still has reporters.

+ The state of Georgia began offering a collection of NASCAR plates, featuring dozens of drivers. I'm still not used to that offer to carry Tony Stewart in my wallet - and now he could be hanging on to my trunk.

+ A giant peach was dropped in downtown Atlanta to mark the new year. With the name change in the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl, I assume this will change next year - and they'll drop a giant chicken sandwich instead.

+ The Atlanta Falcons were crushed by Carolina 44-11, and ended the season at 8-8. The Falcons now have gone 39 seasons without back-to-back winning records. If owner Arthur Blank faced this in his business, Home Depot might be bankrupt by now.

(Did you see what happened to Carolina quarterback Jake Delhomme early in the game? An Atlanta player tackled him, and ripped a hole in his pants! WRBL's Bruce Frazier wondered aloud during the 6:00 p.m. news if he could show it on the air - apparently forgetting CBS aired the Victoria's Secret fashion show several weeks ago.)

+ Instant Message to the new Isla Verde Muffler Shop on Victory Drive: Some of us know a little Spanish - and we're sorry to tell you that your business is nowhere close to Green Island.

COMING THIS WEEK: Did someone in Columbus make an $8,000 New Year's mistake?....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.