20 JAN 06: ADULTS UNDER CONSTRUCTION
"Excuse me," said a young man who sat down next to me at a library computer. The young man had dark black man sticking up straight, as if he might be Don King's grandson.
"I'm not very computer literate," the young man admitted in a quiet library voice. "How do you look up somebody?" I assumed he wanted something basic - and wasn't going to a web site like Facebook to insult a girl wearing nothing but a bikini.
"Whitepages dot-com?" I guessed. I did NOT suggest Google to the young man, because I presumed he was looking for an address or phone number. The wrong name combination at Google might lead him to phony nude pictures of Elizabeth Vargas.
I showed the young man how to type in an Internet address - but his lack of literacy showed again. "Where's the dot?"
"That's a period," I answered. So why haven't these addresses ever been called something like "Whitepages-period-com?" Were the Internet inventors concerned some women might take it as harassment about their femininity?
The young man looked at the Whitepages.com home page for a few seconds, and knew Windows well enough to click off a pop-up ad. Then a woman who seemed to be the man's mother showed up to join him. Two heads are better than one, they say - but they don't make computers with two keyboards to match.
The man and woman were trying to track down someone who supposedly had moved to this area recently. When they asked for my help again, they'd done some sort of search - but came up with a list of 133 Georgia cities, and nothing to click for more details. These Mary Smiths must spread like gypsies....
I didn't know what to say this time, to help the man and woman. We carried on our own computer activities from there. I hope they found the person they wanted - because I'm still too nervous to try a dating web site to do the same thing.
It's been 11 years since I first learned how to use Windows and the Internet, at my old workplace in Atlanta. That seems like a long time - so it was a bit surprising to find a young man who was admittedly computer illiterate. But then again, I've driven cars for 30 years without knowing how to change the oil.
The Chattahoochee Valley library system used to offer free courses, teaching "newbies" about computers. Well, many of the students were up in years -- so I guess they were "old-bies."
But Thursday night, the Columbus Public Library had a different sort of computer class -- on blogging. Since they didn't invite me to be a guest lecturer, did they bring in someone else? Or is this an admission the library's "Clog" doesn't have many readers?
People like the young man I met Thursday are a reminder of why libraries have "public access computers" in the first place. They're very helpful for new users, low-income people who can't afford home computers -- and don't forget the workers on their lunch hours, with serious addictions to online billiards.
As I left the main library, I came across another teaching moment -- only not for me. "Put the sign back," a mother told her toddler on the stairway. No, the giant plaques listing school board members were NOT in danger of toppling....
A closer look at the mother and toddler showed the child had ripped off part of the "watch your step" sign near the bottom of the stairway. Young children clutch and grab things so much, it's a wonder more of them aren't pro hockey players.
Putting back a torn "watch your step" sign seemed to be asking a bit much of this toddler. But the mother did NOT seem to panic in embarrassment, and carry the child out the front door in a rush. That's like football teams taking quick snaps after close calls - much too obviously guilty.
BLOG BLAH BLAH: Now for entry number two, in our search for an official Columbus flavor to rival a "chocolate New Orleans":
BBQ Duck....
Ed
Hmmmm - this brings up some good questions. Does AFLAC have a commissary? Does Country's Barbecue serve the food? And is smoked barbecue banned, so people who sell cancer insurance don't look like hypocrites?
Before we get to some special fun Friday features, let's quickly check the Thursday news headlines:
+ The last few military planes flew Third Brigade soldiers out of Iraq, and back to Fort Benning. They were delayed a few days in Kuwait, because flights were suspended after the country's emir died. It's only been 15 years since U.S. forces helped liberate Kuwait -- and already they're rebelling.
+ WRBL reported the Bradley-Turner Foundation will provide a $200,000 grant to keep a local "mental health court" open. Uh-oh - maybe THIS is why I seem to see so many Columbus Police cars when I go outside to run errands.
(So why doesn't daytime TV have a "mental health court?" It would be the perfect place to track former Jerry Springer guests.)
+ The Talbotton City Council suddenly canceled its meeting - reportedly because a TV news crew was coming, to ask questions about monthly tax bills for a volunteer fire department. Some residents say the department doesn't exist. So imagine how many TV news crews will show up when a fire starts....
+ Americus resident and former Attorney General Griffin Bell told the Georgia Public Policy Foundation the state's public education system is badly broken. This compares with local supporters of a split sales tax -- who say it's simply badly BROKE.
+ WXTX "News at Ten" interviewed an East Alabama woman who has a dog specially-trained to help her, when she has epileptic seizures. The dog even can dial 911! Now who will train a dog to work through voice mail lines at a bank?
+ Carolina Panthers kicker John Kasay appeared on a Billy Graham TV special, and confessed he "stepped on people" in his drive to be successful at the University of Georgia. So what? He's a place-kicker - and he probably had to hurt a holder or two during practice.
LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: Today marks five years in office for President Bush. He was inaugurated on Saturday, January 20, 2001 - and here's a bit of how we covered it the following Monday, in the 22 Jan 01 LaughLine:
The inauguration is over. The transition is complete. We have a new U.S. President. And all across the country, people now wait and wonder - who will the right-wing radio talk show hosts pick on NOW?
George W. Bush became President on a cold, rainy Washington day - just as Albert Gore said a Bush victory would feel, in one of his last pre-election speeches [LaughLine, 7 Nov 00]. Now we're scared. Maybe Mr. Gore DOES control the weather - and we may have four years of the worst global warming ever.
In his inaugural address, the new President called on the country to be "citizens, not spectators. Citizens, not subjects." Our dictionary [Webster's New World] defines citizen as "a native...." Citizen can also be defined as someone who "is entitled to full civil rights." Let's see Mr. Bush say that personally to voters in Palm Beach County.
Mr. Bush made an appeal for national compassion, by drawing from a Bible story: "When we see that wounded traveler on the road to Jericho, we will not pass to the other side." Be sure you keep a copy of this speech for the first time you do this, and you're an hour late for work.
(We're NOT supposed to pass by? Isn't this why God invented cell phones - so we can report those problems to police?)
An aide says Ronald and Nancy Reagan watched the inauguration on TV "with fascination." That sounds like a polite way of saying Mr. Reagan didn't recognize anyone he saw.
George W. Bush and Bill Clinton rode together in a limousine from the White House to the Capitol for the inaugural ceremony. What do you think they talked about during that ride -- the latest going rate to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom?
One of Mr. Bush's first acts was a directive to block many of the last-minute executive orders Mr. Clinton had issued. Some didn't become official until they were published in the "Federal Register." But of course, Mr. Clinton can get them published in the "New York Times" instead....
One of President Bush's first executive orders proclaimed Sunday a "national day of prayer and thanksgiving." And you thought Bill Clinton's orders were extreme. Mr. Bush didn't give us any warning, so we could go buy turkey and dressing, invite the neighbors....
(And how can you possibly have a "thanksgiving day" on a Sunday when the National Football League is off?)
Inauguration Day ended with the new President and First Lady visiting EIGHT inaugural balls in Washington. The only other thing in Washington that needs that many balls to please everyone is the Washington Wizards basketball team.
One of the inaugural parties the Bushes visited was the "Florida State Ball." The dress code there was formal - white tie and dangling chad.
Sunday morning found the first family at Washington's National Cathedral for a "unity service." The ministers included Protestant Franklin Graham, Pentecostal Jack Hayford, a Greek Orthodox Archbishop, a newly-named Catholic Cardinal and a Texas Rabbi! Smart move by President Bush - he figures God must listen to ONE of 'em.
The first family welcomed thousands of ordinary citizens Sunday afternoon, at a White House "open house." The President admitted he needed to "brush up on the history" of the house. Lesson one, Mr. Bush: it was NOT named after a man named White.
The furnishings in the Oval Office already have changed. The White House staff put in an off-white carpet over the weekend, and removed a royal blue carpet. We can't wait to see the Drudge Report's expose, checking that blue carpet for (ahem) stains....
The inauguration brought protests from Washington to Tallahassee. Someone actually threw an egg at the President's limousine, during the inaugural parade! Mister Bush may have to heal a division he never expected -- between the high-fat and high-carbohydrate diet groups.
A high school group from near our town went to the inaugural. They reported protesters blocked their way to the parade route, and burned U.S. flags as they did. Well, it WAS a cold day in Washington - so maybe police banned fire barrels.
SONG OF THE DAY: The Super Bowl teams will be determined this weekend - and we can't help thinking about one of the Pittsburgh Steeler defensive players. We hear his name, and think of the old folk song "Polly Wolly Doodle":
Oh, I really thought that he held that ball -
I say Polamalu caught it on that day!
And the referee really blew that call -
Because Polamalu took the pass away!
Thanks to Troy, thanks to Troy --
Steelers won at RCA!
He helped stop the Colts, and now Denver's next -
Watch for Polamalu playing on Sunday!
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