29 MAY 08: ROAD KILL SPAM
We're on our family vacation at least one more day - but thanks to the new blessing of pre-posting, we don't have to hunt for a public library to update this blog anymore. Before we left home, we prepared a SPAM-A-RAMA special just for you. We take real subject titles from our InBox, and offer our own comments on them. Hang on, because they'll come fast....
"I BURNED SIXTY CALORIES"
And when you're finished washing the dishes, clean your room.
"IF MARIETTA ON LEADEN"
Then you must be driving southeast, toward Atlanta.
"SIGNS ORANGE"
If they said "Riverdragons" on them, they're now collectors' items.
"MUTTON PROCRASTINATION"
What religious scoffers say about the second coming.
"CONTAGIOUS COURIER"
What can brown do for me? Wear gloves, for one thing.
"YOUR FUTURE, NON-TARTAR"
OK - I'll settle for chicken sandwiches, instead of fish.
"HIGH SCHOOL INFIELD"
If I have that third baseman from Pacelli, I might not need anybody else.
"HUMAN PEOPLE"
I guess that beats the artificial ones, on "The Hills."
"GARBAGE CAN AVE."
This used to describe any street in Hurtsboro.
"LONG JUMP DINING ROOM"
The next Olympic commercial from AT&T.
"CLUB SANDWICH TORTUOUS"
Next time, ask for it without ham.
"CATHEDRAL SOME JOSTLE"
C'mon now - wait your turn before taking communion.
"BE FOR OCTOBER VOTE"
Oh please - how many more forums on the one-percent sales tax do we need?
"REPUBLIC SOUTHERN MCDONALD"
Beginning just past the northernmost Burger King on Veterans Parkway.
"NEW HAVE YOU EVER WISHED TO HAVE MORE INTENSE FINAL?"
No, thank you - Kansas winning the college basketball finals in overtime was bad enough.
"FARMERS' MARKET BAREFOOT"
If you want fresh grape juice, why not?
"FUNGI MOTORCYCLIST"
It's either him, or that algae-powered tractor in Salem.
"ELECTORAL COLLEGE ENTRANCE"
Hillary Rodham Clinton's last hope of winning.
"GROCERY STORE WARDROBE"
In Auburn, I've found most shoppers wear orange.
"I KNOW HOW TO FIND A LOT OF GIRLS"
So do I - but I'm not going to the "Sex and the City" movie.
"ABC OVERCOAT"
When ARE they selling Peter Jennings's clothing online?
"MORMON GOLIATH"
What that church would like to rename "American Idol."
"FOUNTAIN MESSAGE"
That Columbus is only at "level two."
"HAWK MOOT"
Which describes a lot of Hardaway High School's sports teams lately.
"HACKSAW CARD CATALOG"
Go ahead - the library has it all on computer now.
"LEFT-WING ME"
A message from the Dale Cardwell for Senate Committee.
"YOU EDUCATED"
Yeah. You ever take English?
"I JUST TIE MY SHOES AND GO."
But isn't that called streaking?
"MOPED ADULTERY."
Now now - maybe the Victory Drive dancer's car really did break down.
"I GAINED 4 INCHES"
That might get you on the Atlanta Falcons' roster, but not Auburn's.
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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: Suspended for vacation
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