25 MAY 08: R-H FACTOR
KANSAS CITY, KS -- “He usually is aggressive.” That’s how a friend of my youngest niece’s new husband described him to me Saturday night. Before you jump to conclusions about their wedding night, please note -- the friend was describing the groom’s poker style.
BLOG SPECIAL EVENT: Three years ago in May, we were back home in Kansas City for the “Heather of the Spring” tour [22-23 May 05] -- as our youngest niece graduated from college. Saturday brought the next big step, as Heather married her college sweetheart. So far, they have NOT asked for my presence as a godfather for their baby.
The wedding of Ryan Von Bevern and Heather Burkard (to explain our title) took place at the United Methodist Church where I grew up. My older brother was married there in 1970, with a reception in the church fellowship hall. Saturday night’s reception was in a high-rise hotel near Kansas City’s elegant Country Club Plaza -- so at least one middle-class family has been climbing.
“It’s all happened so fast. It doesn’t feel like I’m even married,” Heather told your blog in an exclusive interview during Saturday night’s reception. But I must confess I had to pay for this interview -- during the “dollar dance” portion of the program, paying for short turns on the floor with the bride and groom.
But we should start at the beginning of this big weekend. I was asked to sing a couple of songs for Heather and Ryan’s wedding, as I had for the weddings of my two other nieces in 1992 and 2002. When I reached Kansas City Friday afternoon, I learned the plan had been trimmed to one song. Today’s young people simply want everything faster....
The weekend officially kicked off with the wedding rehearsal Friday evening, Those rehearsals can be a hectic time. Even Heather was trimming her words -- as the jobs of the ushers became “ush-ing.”
Then there was Ryan’s young cousin Eli, a little boy who served as ring bearer. He did NOT want to practice walking down the aisle during the rehearsal. And this boy was so young, I couldn’t even persuade him with that classic line from pro wrestler Ric Flair -- “You’re gonna have to walk that aisle.”
Heather had some details of Saturday’s event down to a minute detail. For one thing, the bridesmaids had matching flip-flops to wear at the wedding reception. No “Sex and the City” wedding for this couple....
(But on some points, the bride decided against being nitpicky on some details of the ceremony. It led to a famous quote she feared people would long remember -- “Heather doesn’t care.”)
Candle-holders were set up along the center aisle of the church sanctuary, for the rehearsal. But female relatives of the bride and groom decided NOT to leave the candles up overnight. They feared with no air conditioning running, they might melt. Anyone who’s been through a 100-degree summer heat wave in the South could have told them otherwise.
The accompanist and I worked through the wedding song quite easily. And after a couple of run-throughs, everything seemed to be somewhat in place. Well, sort of like the field being in place for today’s Indianapolis 500 -- as long as everyone stays in their lanes when the green flag flies.
From there, it was on to the rehearsal dinner -- at a large and relatively new sports bar. We were advised it was “open menu, open bar.” Considering the United Methodist Church’s slogan is “open hearts, open doors, open minds,” this seemed very fitting.
The bride and groom handed out gifts at the dinner, to various people involved with the ceremony. To which my brother noted: “You know what we’re going to be given? The bills.”
My brother and sister-in-law drove me to their house from the dinner, to rest for the night. Apparently Ryan and some of his groomsmen went elsewhere from the sports bar. I think that explains a comment before Saturday’s wedding of someone “choosing to pass out on the floor.”
Saturday’s big day began in the morning, as women involved in the ceremony had hair appointments. Nothing along those lines was set up for me -- but I took it like a man in any case.
To move things along, the traditional picture-taking was conducted before the 4:00 p.m. ceremony. It began at 1:30 -- with not only the official photographer, but relatives getting into the act. Jenna Bush will never know how much paparazzi fun she missed....
In an unusual twist, the bride and groom posed for their photos before the wedding ceremony. Heather and Ryan apparently don’t believe the stories about NOT seeing each other until ceremony time on the wedding day. But then, they saw plenty of each other during a 14-month engagement.
We waited with the groom’s party in the church choir room, while time passed before the 4:00 p.m. ceremony. No one bothered to turn on the TV or stereo in the room. And we’d been told the computer inside had NO Internet access -- so I apologize to those of you wanted live real-time blogging of the vows.
Ryan prepared something else for his mates to pass the time. First there was a small silver flask, then a bottle with “Maker’s Mark” on the label. This ended any misconception that the ceremony might be inside a Baptist church....
(No, I did NOT touch any of that stuff. I brought my own water bottle, along with leftover orange juice from breakfast. The last thing you want in a prayerful song to God is a hiccup during a key word.)
The guys talked a good bit about poker during their waiting time. Ryan apparently has made a few successful gambling trips to Las Vegas, but recently has been losing $500 a session in local casino cash games. So that explains the “dollar dance” at the reception.
Among other discoveries we learned during the waiting period in the choir room....
+ Heather and Ryan will honeymoon in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. “I’m going to find Bob Marley,” Ryan joked -- as if Marley is every bit as alive as Elvis Presley?!
+ The couple will assume Heather’s student loan, for her medical school studies. As one man dared to observe to Ryan: “You’re $100,000 poorer, as of 4:00 p.m. today.”
+ Ryan was NOT nervous as the wedding hour approached -- just anxious to “get it over with.” So yes, marriage can be a bit like graduating from Muscogee County high schools.
At 4:00 p.m. the main event began, and everything went off.... well, I can’t really say they went off “without a hitch.” After all, Ryan and Heather now ARE hitched.
Heather choked up a bit as she repeated her wedding vows. Her sister/matron of honor later said I brought it on, because of the song I sang seconds before. I brought some CD’s on the trip -- but selling them at a wedding ceremony?! I learned a little bit from Star Jones about trying that....
BLOGGER’S NOTE: We regrettably are unable to download and post wedding photos on the road. We’ll put some on our usual blog picture page in a few days, once we’re back in Columbus.)
The wedding ceremony was over in 30 minutes. The crowd then stepped outside on a beautifully sunny afternoon, for the tradition that’s replaced even bird-seed throwing at newlyweds. And no, it’s NOT the offer of a contract for a reality series.
Everyone at the wedding picked up a little bottle, for blowing bubbles at the bride and groom. There even was a machine next to the church door, spurting bubbles. But I fear I revealed my age to people nearby, by speculating that’s how Lawrence Welk did it years ago.
The wedding party then climbed into a Ford Excursion, which had been modified into a stretch limousine. Their arrival at the reception site seemed a bit delayed -- and if it was for the reason I suspect, I should note the best price for gas I’ve seen in Kansas City is $3.68 a gallon.
The reception at the Embassy Suites Hotel featured a buffet dinner and a DJ playing plenty of partying and dance songs. Heather told me late in the evening they already had received four noise complaints -- so apparently Heather and Ryan beat the competition reception on the other side of the building.
The alcohol continued to flow at the reception, as the cash bar offered free beer and wine. On the other hand, sodas cost two dollars -- proving there are times when being the designated driver simply doesn’t pay.
The groom’s stepmother even pulled out a champagne bottle from somewhere, and poured it for a few people at my table. It’s a wonder the DJ didn’t play the song “Bubbly” for dance music.
(I later admitted to the DJ I was a bit embarrassed by one of his songs. Considering I live in an “Army town,” I still don’t know how to dance the “Soldier Boy.”)
Only one person at the wedding and reception dared to ask me The Question -- the one I feared someone would bring up, and really hoped no one would. An older man in the United Methodist Church didn’t cut me any slack: “So you’re still not married?!”
No, I’m not -- but the older man went on to say he has a couple of nephews who still aren’t married. One of them is 51, “almost as old as you are.” Considering I’m actually younger than 51, I wasn’t sure whether to take that as a comforting compliment or not.
Many in the wedding party booked rooms at the Embassy Suites overnight, so they wouldn’t have to worry about driving after the reception. But I drove back to my brother’s house, and went to his computer keyboard. Your blogger knows a good Blog Exclusive when he sees one -- and besides, nothing in the ceremony qualified for America’s Funniest Videos.
SCHEDULED THIS WEEK: We refuse to let such a lovely weekend be spoiled by local e-mail feuds…. but one is building, and we’ll bring the next chapter in it....
To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.
BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: Suspended for vacation
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.
© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.