26 MAY 08: LEST WE FORGET

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: Happy Memorial Day to you! We covered two Memorial Days' worth of events, when we wrote LaughLine for a national audience. In this holiday "road trip" edition, we recall some of those items.

28-29 MAY 01: Today is Memorial Day in the U.S. Aides spent the weekend with President Bush, explaining what he's supposed to remember....

(Many Senate Republicans may visit cemeteries today -- if only to give their "Committee Chairman" plaques a decent burial.)

Before heading for California, President Bush did several things to mark Memorial Day. He placed a wreath at Washington's "Tomb of the Unknowns" - then asked an aide why some Florida voters are buried there.

President Bush also signed a bill to start construction on a "National World War Two Memorial" on the Washington Mall. The bill also suspends all lawsuits involving the memorial's site and design - reducing the chances the debate will become World War Three.

The National World War Two Memorial will cost 160 million dollars to build. Most of that money's already raised in donations. Maybe some of these whining baseball and football teams need to build a "National World War Two Memorial Stadium" - to save the taxpayers a lot of money.

President Bush also approved a task force, which will study how to improve the health care system for military veterans. How about putting buglers in all the V.A. hospitals? Have them play "Reveille" every morning, and dozens of vets might be surprised at how well they still scramble out of bed.

Does your town have any Memorial Day services planned? We've noticed in many places, the speeches are very similar. One common cliche is, "The price of freedom is not free." We notice this every time there's a "buy one get one free" special at the supermarket. The one you buy seems SO expensive.

Vietnam veterans gathered in Washington Sunday, for their annual "Rolling Thunder" motorcycle parade. Now if we can figure out a way to turn a "Chocolate Thunder from Down Under" into a military tribute....

We passed a mattress store in town Sunday, and saw a sign we could not believe. The sign said: "GET LAID MEMORIAL DAY." We're not sure if they're trying to sell us a mattress, or some (ahem) special accessory....

We have "adult clubs" in town, but they've never had signs as brazen as the one outside that mattress store. Some of those clubs simply list the dancers' names - well, at least we THINK that's what they are. "Tangerine," "Cherry" and "Mocha" could be the ice creams they sell.

If a mattress store is going to use a sexually suggestive sign like this to get business, what will local businesses do for advertising next?

+ The convenience store across the street might promise, "Get Lay's seven days a week."

+ The Baptist church down the road may give a sermon on, "Get laid on with hands."

+ Poultry farms outside town could offer: "Getting layed - only OUR eggs come out!"

We passed the store again when it reopened Monday - and two words were ADDED to the sign! It now says: "Get Laid BACK Memorial Day SALE!" We thought maybe they had too many mattresses in stock for privacy....

We went inside the mattress store, and asked the person on duty about the change of signs. He explained some pranksters had stolen the letters for "back" and "sale" over the weekend. OK, we'll accept that. But we hope they learn a lesson - and don't print statements announcing employees are "laid off."

27 MAY 02: Today is Memorial Day in the U.S. All weekend we've been reminded of the reasons military veterans gave their lives for our country - such as the restaurant with the "12-burgers for five-99" holiday special.

Because the President is in Europe, another member of the Bush administration will place the traditional wreath at Arlington National Cemetery's "Tomb of the Unknowns." Vice President Cheney would be fitting, since he's been in unknown locations so often in recent months.

Military veterans continued a Memorial Day weekend tradition Sunday. The "Rolling Thunder" motorcycle ride roared into Washington, to remember missing and imprisoned veterans. These riders somehow have forgotten another great U.S. tradition - of forming biker gangs and having feuds.

Are you planning a holiday cookout today? A recent "Integer Group" poll found men are four times more likely than women to wear aprons with funny sayings on them. There's an obvious reason for this. People still don't expect most husbands to cook well - but they expect it from the wives.

(This survey also revealed you're more likely to be romantic if you prefer beef rare, as opposed to well done. We guess women would rather have e-coli germs on their lips, than black spots that ruins their lipstick.)

Last year our town's public schools held classes on Memorial Day - explaining the calendar left no other choice. But they're closed this year, after some veterans protested. Amazingly, no children wrote veterans to complain about their summer vacation ending sooner.

President Bush will mark Memorial Day by visiting the beach of Normandy in France - the area of the D Day invasion. But for one more Supreme Court justice, Mr. Bush's D Day might have come in Palm Beach County, Florida....

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