14 MAY 08: SEE SAW BATTLES

There were hints at it online for weeks, but Tuesday it became official. The sports event which used to be the "ESPN Great Outdoor Games" is coming to Columbus this year and next. Except they aren't being called "great" this year. And I guess calling them "Pretty Good Outdoor Games" wouldn't sound quite right.

Aflac announced through a news release that it will sponsor the "Outdoor Games" at South Commons during the last weekend of June. Uh-oh -- we should set the ground rules right now. Absolutely NO duck hunting will be allowed....

The Aflac Outdoor Games will be modeled after the "World Lumberjack Championships" I used to watch on ABC when I was a boy. That Columbus guy who lost his toboggan hats for a TV makeover the other night could make a lot of money, by setting up a concession stand.

The main event of the A.O.G. (enough free plugs already) is the "Timbersports Series," with contestants trying to be fastest in eight different events involving trees. Which makes me wonder why this isn't called the Yellawood Outdoor Games instead....

Some of the eight Timbersports events have interesting names....

+ "Standing Chop." Atlanta baseball fans have been doing this for more than 15 years.

+ "Underhand Chop." In pro wrestling, this is called karate and subject to disqualification.

+ The "Single Buck." Nowadays, that won't even buy you a Wendy's Frosty -- which sadly means those "150,000 Frosties" commercials already are out of date.

+ "Hot Saw." If they're competing in Columbus at the end of June, I think they all will be.

The Hot Saw event actually allows contestants to use chain saws. These spoiled slackers! This is what happens when Little League baseball players start using aluminum bats....

The professional and collegiate Timbersports championships will be decided in Columbus. I presume the college entrants will be amateurs - and ineligible to win any saw-bucks.

But I was a bit disappointed to find one lumberjack event NOT on the A.O.G. schedule - log-rolling. Now that's fun to watch, as the loser winds up falling in water. And after what happened to those two little boys, having the log-rollers wear life jackets on the Chattahoochee River might make things more challenging.

The A.O.G. is not stopping with lumberjack events. There will be contests for dogs, such as distance jumping into pools and "agility tests" around tight poles. And before you ask - no, I don't think Aflac planned any dog events in honor of Michael Vick.

And because this IS Columbus, the A.O.G. is throwing in a bar-b-que contest. "The Pig Bowl" allegedly is sanctioned by the Kansas City Barbeque Society. Aw, c'mon - I grew up in Kansas City, where everyone knows true barbecue means beef. If the restaurant has wooden pigs all around the menu board, you run from it at all costs.

The Pig Bowl could wind up replacing the "Pig Jig" which was part of Riverfest. And to be fair, there are categories for beef brisket and chicken -- two areas where Country's Barbecue might run unopposed.

The Columbus Sports Council is selling advance tickets for the A.O.G. online right now. They're relatively inexpensive, at ten dollars for adults and five for children - but uh-oh, a daily "parking pass" will cost five more. And remember, the guards at the entry points could be holding newly-sharpened saws.

And if you go to the A.O.G., you might wind up on national TV. Highlights will be shown on the ESPN channels, but not until at least October. Other major sports take priority there, you understand - like the upcoming World Series of Poker.

These games sound like a lot of fun, and certainly will be different for Columbus. My only concern is about the event's timing. Aflac says this will allow people to "enjoy the great outdoors" - but it's in late June, when many residents are more likely to enjoy a good indoor air conditioning system.

And oh yes - they're holding these Outdoor Games on the weekend of the Miss Georgia pageant. At least now Columbus women should have some well-developed bodies to admire....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Aren't we all overjoyed about the reduced drought restrictions in Columbus? Aren't we delighted? Aren't we.... well, you should know our e-mailers better than that....

Well,the working middle class and elderly get hit once again..The "new" watering regulations state the even odd method,which is ok,but, from 12 midnight to 10AM...Only sprinkler systems can water at that time..So,the wealthy and the business owners make out like a bandit again.

C'mon now, be creative and industrious here. Go outside at 7:00 a.m., before you go to work. Hold a garden hose in one hand, your slice of toast with the other - and passing birds will enjoy any crumbs you drop.

We also heard Tuesday from someone in Columbus public safety - at least it seems that way:

Richard,

I have been reading your blog now for several months. It seems like you may be against the one cent tax proposed by the mayor this coming July. I know we have a few who in power who make public safety look bad. But there are far more of us who work hard at keeping Columbus safe that deserve that one cent. It is not like we are asking for more money because the old one cent will faze out and this new tax will replace the old. No one will be losing any money.

The local media is not publicizing this. Columbus's public safety deserves it.

Longtime readers we do NOT take sides in elections. During the 2006 mayor's race, we had items about the candidates which upset just about everybody. Call me an EOE - equal opportunity embarrasser.

Columbus Council actually took a second vote on the one-percent "streets and safety" sales tax Tuesday. Apparently some Councilors didn't vote on the resolution last week, and wanted to make sure they were on the record about it. So they weren't simply LOST - they were downright missing.

Money matters top our review of other Tuesday news....

+ The AAA reported Columbus now has the highest gas price in Georgia, at an average $3.74 a gallon. You don't think that person setting fires to cars works at a bicycle shop....?!

+ Mayor Pro-Tem Evelyn Turner Pugh admitted during the Columbus Council meeting she disagrees with the reprimand given Fire Chief Jeff Meyer. But she added she can't do anything about it, because the Mayor has authority over such matters. Of course, there's a way to find out what really happened - by electing Pugh's husband, so he can demand a State Senate investigation.

+ A drive down Broadway revealed one of the two Raymond Rowe's furniture stores is going out of business. The "store for homes" is holding a closing sale. That will leave the store across the street and down the block - which I don't think has been selling furniture for tents and apartments.

+ Columbus State University held its annual end-of-term banquet, and officially bid farewell to President Frank Brown. It turns out the timing of his retirement is terrible - as there's another "Big Brown" dominating the spotlight right now.

+ The Russell County Commission approved the use of grant money to put weather radios in dozens of churches. Simply turn up your prayers to match the loudness of the warning alarm.

+ Phenix City Central won the Alabama 6-A girls' golf title, in only its first year with a team. Maybe now they'll add Lakewood Golf Course to the Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail.

+ Instant Message to Fort Benning Specialist Jacob Snyder: Dinner is on me! For you and your family! It's not only because you're finally home from Iraq. It's because of that hat and shirt you wore on WLTZ - which could make you the second big University of Kansas fan in this area.

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