9 SEP 05: MOONLIGHT MADNESS SALE

"Do you know Sam?" asked the man who knocked on my front door. "He lives over there." No, I didn't know the Sam who lives a few apartments down from me. If this was the show "My Kind of Town," I'd let down the entire audience.

But this was a strange time for a "know your neighbors" quiz - or for anyone to knock on my front door. This man showed up at 12:15 a.m. Thursday, as I prepared to post the day's blog entry. In fact, it was already too late for him to send Sam an Instant Message.

The light wasn't on at Sam's apartment, but mine was - so I guess that's why the man knocked on my door. He said he worked with Sam, and apparently came by to offer him something. That's the chance you take, showing up after David Letterman's Top Ten list....

The man talked in a quick slurring voice about giving something to Sam, then decided for some reason to offer it to me. At 12:15 in the morning, he wanted to sell me "fine china." This would be an appropriate time, if we were IN China - as it was 12:15 p.m. in Beijing.

This traveling salesman didn't simply have a catalog of his china collection. He carried his collection -- in a giant green trash bag. You'd think "fine china" would be kept in a much finer way....

"You can have it for 20 dollars," the man said -- thus threatening to drive Macy's into bankruptcy.

"Well, I don't really need any...."

"Look at it! Look!" The man reached into his trash bag to pull out some fine china - before I could tell him I don't normally buy such things from door-to-door salesmen, especially around midnight.

"But I don't have any room for it." My kitchen cabinets are full, and my "china" consists of Corelle Livingware plates taken from my mother's house when she died. That's tiding me over until my wedding day - almost 22 years and counting....

"I'll sell it for ten dollars," the man at the door continued. If I can get big price cuts this easily, I need to visit a new car lot this weekend.

"Take a look at it," the man said - and pulled out a giant colored dessert glass. Aha! The dictionary defines "china" as porcelain or earthenware. There's a reason why this guy isn't selling at Columbus Park Crossing.

(By the way, since someone asked me about this Thursday - no, that giant dessert glass did NOT come from my kitchen. The back door WAS locked.)

"I've got champagne glasses, too," the man said. I was starting to wonder if he'd already used the beer steins himself....

"But I don't need any of this," I repeated through the screen door.

"I'll let you have it for five dollars. Come on." Maybe that explained why the "fine china" was in a green trash bag - it was thrown out by somebody, for being a year out of season.

"I don't want any, sir," I said quietly to the man. Some people in Columbus would have called police on the guy by now - but a good humor blogger knows a gold mine when he sees one.

"C'mon, give me five dollars. I'm hungry," the man finally admitted. He apparently was out of money on Wednesday night, and payday wasn't until Friday. They're called one-skillet dinners, friends - and for single guys, they can last several days.

Finally the man had said something which attracted my interest. "I'm going to get you something to eat," I said, and rounded up a long pack of snack crackers and an apple. I assume he wanted a late-night snack - because it would have taken too long to heat my can of Spaghetti-O's.

(Now, now - that can was given to me by a church member, who receives all sorts of free food gifts from his mother. Heat those things at a hot enough temperature, and any stale taste can disappear.)

"Where do you work?" I asked the salesman/beggar.

"I'm a painter. I work for a man named Woody," he said pointing up the avenue. I guess I was supposed to know who Woody is - but I was stumped there as well. At least Judge Bobby Peters and the Urban League have well-marked houses.

"Why didn't your money last until Friday?"

"I only worked a couple of days last week, because of the weather." The rain from Hurricane Katrina hurt -- but at least he didn't have to drive to work, and pay sky-high gas prices.

As I handed the visitor the crackers and apple, I said: "Could you do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"When you get paid on Friday, will you go help the hurricane evacuees at Benning Park?" We should extend the giving spirit as far as possible - unless this was one of those people who prefers to raid flooded stores and get glassware.

(Come to think of it, might this man take his giant trash bag full of "fine china" to the hurricane shelter? If he did, would police make him pay a fine FINE?)

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Believe it or not, other salespeople have visited us in Columbus after midnight. We'll share another curious example in a LaughLine flashback this weekend.)

Now other short shots from a busy Thursday:

+ Fuel spilled from an old Texaco storage facility on Miller Road into a creek. The Columbus Riverkeeper was called to the scene - which is strange, because you'd think he would delegate this to a Creek-keeper.

+ The Alabama mother of Natalee Holloway told "Inside Edition" judges in Aruba used the attention on Hurricane Katrina as a cover, to set free three prime suspects. But these guys were let out of jail before - so what was the cover back then, Karl Rove?

(Inside Edition actually billed this meeting with Beth Holloway Twitty as her "first interview since Hurricane Katrina." As if there's somehow a connection?! I mean, if Joran Van Der Sloot had persuaded Katrina to visit Carlos and Charlie's bar, we'd all be better for it....)

+ Troup County trampled Spencer in high school football 43-7. Spencer now has lost 26 games in a row - and it's becoming so bad, Spencer Gifts won't even sponsor them.

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