16 SEP 05: THIS BLOGGER WALKS INTO A BAR....

"Whoa! Wait a minute!!" some of you may be saying already. "You actually walk into bars?" Well yes, sometimes I do. Until they build a Burger King or Dunkin Donuts with 20 TV screens for watching sports events....

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT? Yes, I walked into a bar Thursday night -- for the second stop of "Meet the Blogger Week." Things were quiet and the crowd was ordinary inside the Sports Page on Veterans Parkway. In other words, I might as well have been at a Catfish baseball game.

Plenty of seats were open around the centerpiece bar, but I chose my spot carefully. My goal at The Sports Page was to make sure blog-meeters could see me - and watch as many different screens as possible, if the fans became too boring.

I actually showed up a few minutes before the scheduled time of 7:30 p.m., but no "early birds" were there to greet me. Yet I assume the Sports Page expected a big crowd during the night - because why else would they serve me diet cola in a plastic cup?

Then I ordered an appetizer, more than ready to share it with blog readers who might drop by. They were The Sports Page's "Canseco Nachos" - but don't worry: I asked and they do NOT have added steroids.

The Canseco Nachos were a plateful, loaded with chili meat, cheese, chopped onions, sliced jalapeno peppers - and somewhere amid that big pile, I actually pulled out a couple of dozen nacho chips.

The main events on the two big screens at The Sports Page were college football games. Hampton played North Carolina A&T, while Utah was at Texas Christian - so there, you see? This sports bar put a Christian college on, to appeal to teetotalers.

(When I left, Hampton had a 28-0 second-quarter lead - so in TV scoreboard shorthand, on this night the "HAM" got fat.)

It apparently was also a trivia night at The Sports Page. I was able to solve many of the questions on their trivia screens. Trouble is, most bars have "TEAM trivia nights" - when your friends swear they also know it all, and they all have different answers.

High above me at The Sports Page was a reminder of how little has changed here over the years. A giant headline says, "Braves Win N.L. Penant." The fact that this misspelling remains may show the need for a bar spelling bee, instead of a trivia tournament.

So there was a great deal to entertain me - but how many people showed up to meet the blogger? When I left around 8:45, the answer was zero. The high of Tuesday's Kiwanis Club meeting was replaced by a low, which reminded me a bit like I'd eaten too many nachos.

I'm grateful for every blog reader I have, including you. Perhaps this weekend you'll be able to come out and meet me - especially since this time, the food will be free....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now for today's abbreviation lesson:

Richard,

TFPIC [12 Sep] = Tongue Firmly Planted In Cheek.

Signing off in B'ham!

Craig

AHA! Which doesn't mean an abbreviation for the American Hospital Association - just an aha.

SPAM-A-RAMA: Hidden at the bottom of a spam e-mail I received Thursday was this sentence: "Chair stop copy round." Well yes, I guess so. Smash a chair on your copier hard enough, and the machinery would stop going around and around.

Now let's wrap up the week by sending a virtual stack of Instant Messages....

+ To countless Columbus churches: What gives? NO special services today, on the "national day of prayer" for hurricane victims?? Do all of you believe God was punishing New Orleans, too???

+ To attorney Joseph Wiley: Did you mean that? You say your nine-year-old go-kart driving client should have negligent homicide charges dropped, because he's too young to understand stop sign laws?! Then why was he driving a go-kart in the first place -- and what's the opposite of GO?

+ To the organizers of an "Escape School" program at the Columbus Public Library: I understand your purpose, to prevent child abductions -- but couldn't you come up with a better name? Some teenagers around here might think you're encouraging them to drop out.

+ To the man who called WRCG's "TalkLine" Thursday and wished Georgia had a "Democratic Governor for a change": For a change?? Isn't that what Georgia had for 130 years, before Sonny Perdue was elected?

+ To WCGT TV-16: Wow - you're showing "Extra" at 6:00 p.m. now! Does this mean you plan another attempt at looking like a regular TV station?

+ To the construction crew building a new taxiway at the Columbus Airport: That's about enough! Put your orange and white checkerboard flags away -- you Tennessee fans....

+ To the Atlanta Hawks: Really now - do you expect a big crowd for your exhibition game at the Civic Center in late October? The Columbus Riverdragons rarely drew big crowds, and they actually won games.

+ To the National Football League: I think I know the real reason why you fined Atlanta's Chad Lavalais $7,500. You heard that Louisiana State sideline reporter a couple of years ago - who called Lavalais "mo' money, mo' money, mo' money." [True!]

+ To Georgia's Department of Economic Development: I don't mind your new state slogan, "Put your dreams in motion." But you shouldn't be revealing secrets of football playbooks this early in the season.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.68 a gallon at Marathon on Airport Thruway.... two 20-ounce store-brand sodas for one dollar at Walgreens.... and someone should make fast money, selling lawn chairs outside Saturday's Storm Aid benefit....

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