12 SEP 05: SPAM-A-LITTLE

While you're currently at my main blog, I actually have a second one -- a signpost of sorts, to guide visitors to various projects I have online. It also prevents that other Richard Burkard in England from cashing in on my (ahem) celebrity coattails....

That directional blog was set up a few months back, but recently something was added which gained my attention. Someone had left a note in the "comments" section. Could it be someone who likes my music -- or maybe someone who lost their way while doing geneology?

I called up the comment, and wound up annoyed. Someone had left me a lengthy tip about a low-priced stock which was sure to grow. You might call this a "penny stock" for your thoughts....

If this stock tip had landed in my InBox, I would have deleted it right away as spam. Yet it showed up as a blog comment -- and that seems to be the next wave in spamming: leaving scattered sales pitches as comments. It's hard to believe after ten years, e-mail is going out of style.

One local blogger received a "spam comment" awhile back, offering a web site on car loans in Portland, Oregon. This was strange considering the blogger not only lives in Columbus, but never has mentioned Portland in her blog. If the Portland Tourism Board did this, I might understand....

The spammed comment was absurd in another way - because it said: "You have a great site, bookmark!" Bookmark?!? This spammer is so far out on the fringe, he's using a Netscape browser.

These spam comments must be added in a computerized way -- because I can't imagine someone sitting at a keyboard and adding them by hand all day long. But then again, I have trouble understanding why many people sit at an assembly line and tighten things with wrenches all day long.

If it's quickly spotted, the spam comments can be deleted with little harm. But if they're not, they can be as annoying as a pop-up ad. I mean, who wants to argue about the blame for New Orleans with someone who only wants to talk about cut-rate Viagra?

A friend of mine gave up on a blogging project back in May, and a spam comment has sat inside her blog for weeks. It's like the growth of weeds outside an abandoned building -- and like a closed restaurant site I noticed on Wynnton Road Sunday, it can take a long time to level them out of existence.

The company which hosts this blog is trying to, well, weed away the spam. It's now offering "word verification" -- where you have to type in a random display of letters or numbers before your comment appears. Before long, civil rights leaders will complain this discriminates against illiterate people.

As this spam comment wave develops, I wind up looking like a genius having NO comment boxes here. Your e-mails are always welcome - and be thankful I give you that option. Some church blogs offer no way to reply at all. But then again, you can't talk back to "the truth," can you?

E-MAIL UPDATE: It's not spam, but it's certainly eyebrow-raising to read - the latest round in a blog battle between Craig and Deborah, with this message edited slightly for content:

Hey Richard,

Well, I guess you need to change your Blog! The BWAOA has determined that your "G-rated" Blog has become an inexorible vehicle for your allegations as to your sexual (oh, h**l, can I say that?) deviation! [6 Sep] Also, you might want to seek assistance for the serious mental health problems that are manifest in you since you continue to make ubiquitous statements relating to a "suggested", ersatz condition now known as A.V.!

Gotta go now. I have to get up early and make a speech at an NAACP meeting in Mississippi, er, uh, maybe it's Tennessee. D**n, I'm confused! I'm mad now, I think.........But, when I get back from Kentucky (or is it South Carolina?), maybe it'll be time to call TalkLine! Oops, that would be hard to do, since I have never called a radio talk show before!

Hint: You might want to consider changing back to LaughLine - it seems some people take things too seriously!!!!

TFPIC,

Craig

PS. Hey Robbie Watson!

C

Change my blog, Craig? To WHAT exactly?? "The Joy of Stopping with a Good-Night Kiss"?!?

This e-mail confuses me on a couple of levels. I admit I'm not hip to all the text-message shorthand - so what's a "BWAOA?" Is it one of those words Gilda Radner invented, imitating Barbara Walters?

(And TFPIC must mean - well, no. No one in his right mind would sign a message, "toothpick, Craig.")

So we've apparently determined Craig is NOT the "confused inarticulate one" who calls WRCG all the time. No, this man is very different - because he writes us.

Maybe if I put "LaughLine" as the title of this blog, more people would understand what we're about. But I sold the LaughLine.com name in an online auction three years ago -- and it sold for $7.50! [True!] After getting burst by the Internet
bubble, I'm avoiding home-buying at all costs.

BLOG UPDATE: It turns out the man at the front door selling fine china [9 Sep] wasn't a complete liar. Over the weekend I confirmed there IS a Sam in my apartment complex. Since he's never invited me over, I'm not really a member of Sam's Club.

But Sam didn't seem to know the man who wanted to sell him fine china at a quarter past midnight. After describing the salesman at my door, he said: "Unless he stole something...." HUH?!?!? This is an African-American man -- and he's profiling somebody?!

Instant Message to the reader of the "fine china" entry who asked if I'd give her something to eat, if she came to my door: Well, that depends. How annoying a salesperson are you?

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: The man who sold fine china was not the first late-night salesman we've faced at our door. Here's another one we noted in the LaughLine issue of 29 Aug 01:

As we finished Tuesday's LaughLine, we heard a voice outside the office window. We thought neighbors were having a late-night conversation -- until a woman KNOCKED on the window.

"I'm sorry, I thought you had the window open. I'm the neighbor who used to sell you stuff. I wondered if you wanted to buy some steaks."

We noted what time it was. "It's almost two in the morning, and you're selling steaks!?!"

"Yeah. The man just delivered them to me." And people wonder why online groceries are going out of business....

But seriously: the woman explained she brought the steaks to our window because "I figured you'd need them." At 2:00 in the morning?! If people in our neighborhood cooked steaks at that hour, the smell should have awakened us long ago....

The woman offered ten dollars for the steaks in her Piggly Wiggly grocery bag. She even offered to let us LOOK at them. (She didn't say how many there were.) We declined, saying if she came by at two in the AFTERNOON we might be more interested. Besides, can you REALLY tell how fresh a steak is by flashlight?

As far as we know, the woman did NOT come back during the day Tuesday to offer us the steaks again. We're not sure if she sold them to somebody else - or realized in her desperation that she actually could EAT them to make it through the day.

By the way, this woman DID sell us "stuff" before. Several months ago, she came to our door with a tube of toothpaste and a stick of deodorant! She explained she needed money to buy some "sweet meat." We presumed she meant barbecue - but after this latest case, we're not so sure anymore....

Now a quick wrap-up of news events from the weekend:

+ Columbus Police arrested John McQueen on charges of robbing a Wachovia bank branch on North Oakley Drive. Authorities say McQueen tried to disguise his identity by wearing fake dreadlocks, and speaking with a Jamaican accent. But he gave himself away, by denying he was a "jerk chicken" -- just a chicken.

+ LaGrange police staged an undercover prostitution operation, and arrested two men for pandering. Prostitution in LaGrange?! This seems hard to believe, especially in September - when high school football season means people there have some sort of entertainment.

+ WXTX crowned its second "Fox 54 Idol" at the Springer Opera House. Her name is Tymber Boswell - and if she makes it big, I suppose her male fans will be Tymber-Wolves.

+ Andrew Jones jacked his 48th home run of the year, to set an Atlanta franchise single-season record. Jones passes Hank Aaron -- so I think he's now entitled to his own Krispy Kreme doughnut shop.

SCHEDULED TUESDAY: One Columbus man vs. a string of golf courses....

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