28 DEC 04: FREE ON BOND?

Russell County's Probate Judge dropped a bombshell on a county commission work session Monday night. Al Howard declared six of the seven commissioners have to vacate their positions! Does something smell funny here - as in "P-ugh?!"

Judge Al Howard told the Russell County Commissioners each member was supposed to post a $3,000 bond for the recent election - and only Mervin Dudley did it. We never thought "Dudley Do-Right" would be at work in East Alabama....

Because six Russell County Commissioners didn't put up a $3,000 bond, Judge Al Howard says they're all disqualified from their jobs. So much for the theory that any ordinary resident can serve in Russell County government. Many people would have trouble finding $3,000 for a mobile home down payment.

Judge Al Howard went on to call the Russell County Commission "illegitimate." Now hold on a second? Didn't I read Monday that Russell County has the highest marriage rate in Alabama? [True/AP]

Russell County Commissioner Cattie Epps told WXTX "News at Ten" Judge Al Howard's comment about an illegitimate government was "inappropriate." For one thing, Phenix City just celebrated getting rid of ITS illegitimate government 50 years ago....

(Of course Cattie Epps would consider what Al Howard said inappropriate. The judge's nit-picking with rules forced her into a write-in election last month. Since Ms. Epps won reelection, she thinks sore losers should shut up and go away.)

Alabama Governor Bob Riley reportedly has been notified of the "illegitimate" commissioners, as has Russell County's District Attorney. So what will Kenneth Davis do - put all six commissioners in jail? Then they'd have a quorum, and keep holding meetings.

The main event for the Russell County Commission was supposed to be the possible firing of the County Attorney today. Now the attorney might stay, while the commission gets changed. We believe in Alabama, this is called the "Tuberville Method."

That was going to be our topic before Al Howard opened his mouth - the rumors about Auburn football coach Tommy Tuberville possibly taking another job. Only last week we were told he had a new contract "in principle." But some coaches love to call the end-around play....

The Atlanta newspapers seemed to start the buzz about Tommy Tuberville, by claiming his agent had been "given the green light" to talk to Louisiana State about becoming head coach there. How did Coach Tuberville do this? By showing his wallet was a bit light of "green?"

The Atlanta newspaper web site went farther, claiming a big L.S.U. booster already had approached Tommy Tuberville's agent about the head coaching job. This is happening so indirectly, they might also work out an asylum deal for Fidel Castro.

The Atlanta newspaper also noted Auburn's playing in the New Orleans Sugar Bowl, putting coach Tommy Tuberville only a short drive from the L.S.U. campus in Baton Rouge. Why, he wouldn't need to assemble a posse the way William Walker did a year ago....

But Coach Tommy Tuberville told reporters at the Sugar Bowl he still "plans to be back at Auburn next year." Considering the Tigers are scheduled to play L.S.U. on the road in Baton Rouge next fall, that should settle the issue....

The mayors of Auburn and Blacksburg, Virginia made a wager Monday on the Sugar Bowl game. Somewhere, former Governor Don Siegelman smiled at that news - while the Alabama Christian Coalition may have consulted attorneys about challenging it in court.

Now other curios from the Monday cabinet:

+ WRBL reported on an unusual shooting at the Baker Village apartments -- where someone reportedly opened fire from a limousine. Maybe now someone will demand "The Sopranos" be taken off cable TV.

(People firing shots from inside limousines?! I can remember when criminals saved the fancy stuff for their last meals on death row.)

+ Columbus emergency workers were called to a reported fainting at Krispy Kreme doughnuts. So was it because they smelled so good - or because the price was so high?

+ Georgia Secretary of State Cathy Cox filed papers to run for Governor. If she comes to your door asking for campaign contributions, remember one thing - call her office first, and make sure it isn't a scam.

+ Columbus State University began a four-day "basketball bonanza" at the Lumpkin Center. If you think about it, this is one "bonanza" where Dan Blocker probably would not be welcome....

+ Instant Message to the man I saw holding one finger high above his head, as he walked across Eighth Street: Did you hold up two fingers at the next intersection? Or were you calling a play of some sort?

2004 IN REVIEW, CONTINUED: August found Columbus and Albany near the bottom of a Hallmark Cards list of the funniest U.S. cities. Given some of the e-mails this blog received during the fall from Miriam Tidwell and opponents of Marshal Ken Suddeth, it was absolutely justified.

An August runoff led to Lynn Westmoreland getting elected to Congress, and not Columbus's Dylan Glenn. I keep meaning to head back to Glenn's secluded neighborhood - to see if he pulled a Danae Roberts, and moved out of town.

On the Alabama side, Jeff Hardin was elected Phenix City Mayor in August. So far, his promise to bring a movie theater to the city have not come true. Why, he hasn't even shown "The Phenix City Story" at the amphitheater again.

A Columbus Council meeting became a bit heated in August, as Gary Allen called Glenn Davis a "rookie." Let's see Mr. Allen try that line, if he gets hauled before Superior Court Judge Bobby Peters.

August brought a surprising discovery at the Columbus landfill - as the former First Union bank wound up dumping $46,000 there over several months. I knew the interest rate on savings accounts was low, but this was ridiculous....

August was Olympic month - and Auburn University swimmer Kirsty Coventry won three medals for Zimbabwe. Then she went back to the Plains, and had to explain to all her dates exactly where Zimbabwe is.

A Lee County jury declared in August Continental Carbon was liable for more than $20 million in soot damage in part of Columbus. If this company pays off in cash, this would be one time when "money laundering" would be appreciated.

And what about the Kenneth Walker case? That became so boring in August that the Ledger-Enquirer had to do a special report on the killing for it to get attention....

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