BURKARD'S BLOG
I searched on the Internet, and found no one keeping a blog about events in Columbus, Georgia. (Well, other than a 15-year-old high school student, and who knows how much he pays attention to the news?) So being the hip web-savvy guy that I am, I decided to start a blog of my own - chronicling happenings in the town I've called home for some six years, as
well as my experiences in it.
But be warned.... I used to have a humor service called LAUGHLINE.COM, so my views may be a bit amusing. And the views are my own; no one has paid me to present theirs. Pressured, yes - but paid, no.
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26 JUN 03: MAD MADDOX
Former Georgia Governor Lester Maddox died Wednesday -- only two days after the death of former Atlanta Mayor Maynard Jackson. At least people won't have to choose which funeral to attend. They'll draw two different crowds.
A former girlfriend of mine told me of the day she ate at a metro Atlanta restaurant in the 1980's, and saw Lester Maddox walking around the tables. He left literature urging people to mark Robert E. Lee's birthday in January, instead of Martin Luther King's. Apparently it didn't work - because I don't see Georgians waving white flags of surrender then.
At the height of the civil rights tension, Lester Maddox was to Georgia what George Wallace was to Alabama. But there WERE some differences in the men. Governor Wallace repented of his actions, and has all sorts of things in Alabama named after him. All Governor Maddox has is a realty office, in a mostly-white area of metro Atlanta.
Did you see the old film of Lester Maddox riding a bicycle BACKWARDS at a baseball field? The symbolism in that scene really doesn't need any explanation....
(Then again, maybe this was the stunt the South Georgia Waves needed to increase attendance. It sure would bring in busloads from Taylor County.)
Some Georgians are upset that Governor Perdue ordered state flags lowered to half-staff in memory of Lester Maddox, when he did NOT do so for Maynard Jackson. [True/Georgia Public Radio] But look on the bright side - the Governor could have ordered the old flags to fly again.
As it happened, I cried more tears Wednesday afternoon than I had in a long time. No, not for Lester Maddox - but because I went to the eye doctor. (And that was BEFORE I saw the bill!)
It had been three years since my last eye exam, so I was overdue. If I waited between eye exams as long as I've waited between dental checkups, I'd need a helmet to keep from bumping into walls.
This eye doctor on Woodruff Road makes you fill out a three-page form - including one affirming you read the office's six-page "notice of privacy practices." Why don't they simply save time, and print that notice in the form of an eye chart?
The tears came after I was ushered back toward the eye doctor's office. An aide examined my eyes with a bright light, then blew a puff of air into each one. I wish they'd restrict that sort of treatment to Sugar Pops cereal.
Then it was on to the examination room, where a nice-looking man wearing a coat and tie came in to check me. The man never mentioned his name - and for a patient as nearsighted as I am, at least he could have worn a name tag with giant print.
I've worn glasses since I was in Kindergarten, so I knew this part of the drill well. Does this lens make it better or worse? Are you seeing two lines or one? Can you read the bottom line of tiny type - otherwise known as the fine print on the discount coupons?
This optical office is NOT one of those "one-hour glasses" places. In fact, the eye doctor assured me he could wait on the money until my next paycheck. Why do people like this wind up as optometrists - and not electric utility executives?
My one-hour concern came up when the eye doctor prepared to dilate my eyes. I moved away from LensCrafters for this exam because of the way they dilate eyes, then have you go out and pick a set of frames -- when you're practically too blind to read the price tags.
The eye doctor assured me I could choose frames tomorrow, if I wished. Then he dilated my eyes, and left me in the exam room alone for about 20 minutes. When I noticed an extra mirror near the ceiling in that room, I watched what I said under my breath VERY carefully.
(A long wait like that makes you wonder if the eye doctor's waiting for the dilation fluid to work - or if he forgot about you, or stepped outside for a cigarette.)
I took a magazine to the optical office, so I read an article CLOSE-UP without glasses while I waited. All that was there to amuse me was a large "E" on the screen. These cable channels will stop at nothing to get free advertising.....
That big E became blurrier and blurrier as the dilation fluid took hold - so I suppose the "e" stood for erosion.
The eye doctor eventually reported something puzzling about my eyesight. My current glasses have a vertical correction in one direction, but his reading showed it needed to be in the other direction. I would have been satisfied with a different kind of vertical correction - to make me about three inches taller.
With my current glasses still in my possession, the dilation fluid wasn't bad enough to keep me from picking frames on the spot. But then came the biggest shock - the lenses, frames and extra treatments were going to cost me more than 450 dollars, WITH a discount coupon! No wonder the staff kept asking me insurance questions....
I asked "Jenny, certified optician" (she DID have a name-tag) to find me some less expensive frames to cut my costs. None of the ones in the rack had any prices on them. At least at LensCrafters the frames are organized by price -- even though the office is a long way from the "Dollar Tree" store.
One of the coupons in my custody offered an "eyeglass and contact special" for ONLY $179. But Jenny explained a missing detail - that was for "single-vision lenses." My eyesight is so bad, the problem either is double-vision or double-pricing.
Even with the less expensive frames, my final score at the eye doctor was $450. I left facing a big decision -- do I go on from there to the Rich's-Macy's one-day sale? Or do I even bother, since my budget is already blown up?
It turns out I settled for one more splurge: a large Sonic drink, in hopes of winning something in their 50th anniversary giveaway. I wound up with a two-for-one drink coupon -- so I couldn't even drive home yelling, "I won a cherry limeade! I won a cherry limeade!"
BLOG CORRECTION: It turns out the old Long John Silver's building in the 4300 block of Veterans Parkway actually is
occupied by the Best Pawn shop. So it's gone from "fish planks" to people walking the financial plank....