BURKARD'S BLOG
I searched on the Internet, and found no one keeping a blog about events in Columbus, Georgia. (Well, other than a 15-year-old high school student, and who knows how much he pays attention to the news?) So being the hip web-savvy guy that I am, I decided to start a blog of my own - chronicling happenings in the town I've called home for some six years, as well as my experiences in it.
But be warned.... I used to have a humor service called LaughLine.com, so my views may be a bit amusing. And the views are my own; no one has paid me to present theirs. Pressured, yes - but paid, no.
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12 JUN 03: ON MY HONOR
A Powerful Individual in the city of Columbus (hereafter known as P.I.C.) has informed us that this blog is upsetting some people. OK, let's get back to basics here. The last line in each of these items is supposed to be FUNNY....
The P.I.C. also informed us that an item on this blog upset the spouse of one of the people mentioned. It is certainly NOT our goal or intent to do that, and we apologize if we have. But then again, this P.I.C. needs to tell all late-night talk show hosts to stop doing it, too.
In addition, we were requested to keep the P.I.C.'s entity OUT of this blog. We're willing to honor that request - and in fact, this is a great idea. If you would like NOT to be mentioned here, e-mail us for the rates to join our "no-blog list." (We use PayPal.)
Come to think of it, we should have thanked the P.I.C. for those comments of "constructive criticism." At least it proves this blog is being read by somebody....
With that issue hopefully resolved: has your workplace gone to "online timesheets?" We know a business in Columbus which did it this week. It's doing away with its time clock, and having employees fill out their hours on a web site each week. Isn't this an amazing concept - managers actually trusting employees to be on the honors system?
Think with me here -- with an online timesheet, what can stop employees from fudging on their hours to gain some unearned extra money? If we're going to become high-tech about this, why not give all the staff members free video cell phones? Then make them turn the phones on and off at the entrance, to prove where they are.
(I don't know if The New York Times uses online timesheets. But if it did, Jayson Blair would have left that paper a millionaire.)
Speaking of online work: we received a call at home this week from the office of the Republican Congressional Committee in Washington. It offered us the chance to become "Honorary Chairman" of a local business advisory panel for the G.O.P. The REAL Chairman probably is a paid crony.
As part of this special offer, I was played a taped message from House Majority Leader Tom DeLay. He said I, the businessman, was no doubt burdened by "the complex tax code." Well, yes - but shouldn't I be telling Mayor Poydasheff to make the city business tax forms less confusing?
Tom DeLay's message also suggested I, the businessman, am saddled with a "high cost of health care" for my business. Well, no - I found a way around that. It's called no health insurance at all.
After Tom Delay's chat was finished, the female operator returned to the line and told us our Honorary Chairmanship position with a Republican advisory committee would include a "National Leadership Award." Considering my humor web site folded eight months ago, this would only cause a G.O.P. scandal.
Yes, there WAS a catch to this special Republican offer. The committee was putting together a full-page ad in the Wall Street Journal, and my name could appear there to help pay for the ad -- for between $300 and $500. If I'm burdened by high health care costs, how could I possibly afford this?
Finally I explained to the operator my objections to the offer. My tax code problem is with the city. I have no health insurance. My web site was sold. In short, the Republicans would be giving a "National Leadership Award" to a classic dot-com failure.
Undaunted by my explanation, the G.O.P. operator offered to let me donate less money - and said the advisory committee meetings would be a great way to network, and get customers for my business. For WHAT business?! I was almost ready for a pitch to sell "I love Tom DeLay" T-shirts.
The Republicans did NOT find a customer in me on this day - and it's just as well. There's one big argument against the Honorary Chairman position I never mentioned to the operator. I'm not registered to vote.