BURKARD'S BLOG
I searched on the Internet, and found no one keeping a blog about events in Columbus, Georgia. (Well, other than a 15-year-old high school student, and who knows how much he pays attention to the news?) So being the hip web-savvy guy that I am, I decided to start a blog of my own - chronicling happenings in the town I've called home for almost six years, as well as my experiences in it.
But be warned.... I used to have a humor service called LaughLine.com, so my views may be a bit amusing. And the views are my own -- no one has paid me to present theirs. Not yet.
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31 MAY 03: LET THERE BE LIGHT
I went to two different worship services today - and they went a combined 90 minutes. Attention Deficit Disorder is starting to affect our churches....
Service #1 was at my usual congregation. During the second verse of the first song, the power went out in the hall! Yet we finished the three-stanza song - and the song leader praised us for "enduring to the end." But then again, he stopped the service at that point for a break.
(We were able to finish the song because we use an upright piano for our accompaniment. For some of you younger readers -- that's what people used BEFORE electronic keyboards.)
With only an emergency light in the back shining inside the hall, the "men in charge" of the congregation quickly huddled to decide what to do. No, I was NOT one of these people. Single guys get about as much respect in my church denomination as they do in President Bush's tax cuts.
We meet for church in a metal building with no windows, and only two doors outside. So we opened the doors, and moved the lectern over in front of a door. Some churches would have had a revival tent ready, for occasions like this.
The Presiding Elder gave a sermonette - but we were planning to watch a video sermon, and we couldn't because of the outage. And here I thought the Holy Spirit gave us POWER for these situations....
The Pastor was out of town this weekend, on a "working vacation" in Seattle. That means he gave two messages - and,
well, maybe kept his mouth shut the rest of the week?!?!
With no Pastor and no power, we followed the sermonette with announcements, one more song and a closing prayer. None of the "men in charge" apparently had a back-up sermon ready. Too bad they didn't ask me, because I have several just waiting for someone to hear - even if they don't want to hear them.
Total time of service #1: 30 minutes. Someone said to me afterward it was "like some Baptist churches." Apparently that guy believed the half-hour of time Baptist churches buy on TV and radio is really their entire service.
What my regular congregation doesn't know (ssshhh!) is that I now have a back-up plan for worship. Cascade Hills Baptist Church now has Saturday evening services at 6:00 p.m. So if the preacher decides to preach for an hour on the evils of the Democratic Party - and sometimes I think my Pastor might....
I drove home between services for some Bible study - and let the record show, I DID turn on my air conditioner for the first time this season. It was comforting to know it still worked after sitting idle for eight months. It was more comforting to know no roaches were rushed out of hiding, when I turned it on.
Service #2, as I say, was at Cascade Hills - and if you've ever seen this church's Saturday night telecast, you know it's a different kind of church. Sad to say, some nights their presentation at 11:00 p.m. is more polished than the two late local newscasts.
I entered the Cascade Hills "worship center" at about 5:50 p.m. - and two big video screens above the seats had a countdown clock running, along with film of people surfing. For a minute, I thought they were having guest Polynesian singers from T.B.N.
The countdown clock was heading for a service time of exactly 6:00 p.m. - but twice, someone shuttled the tape backward
in the final minute to about the two-minute point. Maybe this is somewhat like what God did, when some preachers predicted Jesus would return in 1975 or 1988.
A side note here: on my one previous Saturday visit to Cascade Hills, we were welcomed formally at 6:00 p.m. by Brent Tanamachi. He used to do news and sports reporting at WRBL. He's now the church's "College Pastor" - and probably is steering journalism majors toward more respectable careers.
On this Saturday night, a worship team sang and played a rather rocking secular number to start the service. I wasn't familiar with it at all - but thankfully, the words of the song were on the video screen. Cascade Hills apparently takes the "interpreting of tongues" seriously.
One of the worship singers said after the first song Cascade Hills is "not the kind of church you're used to." I could have told them that the minute I walked in the door - because I was the only person in the building wearing a tie, much less a sportscoat.
I happened upon a special Saturday night at Cascade Hills, as children in the church's youth league baseball program were on hand in their uniforms. The players on the A's, Braves, Rangers and Yankees stood up for applause. I could tell it was a Protestant Baptist church, because no team was named the Padres or the Brewers.
(Wait a minute - the YANKEES? At a church in Columbus, Georgia?!?! This must be their way of reaching out to other ethnic groups.)
After the young baseball players were honored, a worship singer urged the children to "be very still" during the upcoming sermon. In my usual congregation, the leaders don't have to make such comments - because parents who don't keep their children quiet risk getting singled out during the service, on the spot.
Finally it was Cascade Hills sermon time - and Pastor Bill Purvis didn't wear a robe. Not even a tie. He wore a colorful summer shirt, and white casual-looking slacks. No wonder he didn't tell the boys to take off their ball caps to pray to God....
Bill Purvis apparently realized this service would have a lot of first-timers and visitors - because he admitted some people are turned off by organized religion. "We're DIS-organized, for a purpose," he said. I was tempted to test that statement - and walk down the aisle to finish his sermon.
(This quote brought back a flashback of my high school days. I used to borrow a Will Rogers line and told people, "I don't belong to an organized religion. I'm United Methodist." If only a tenor in our madrigal group hadn't bothered to bring up that quote, when we sang at a church supper....)
As glib as Bill Purvis is and as practical as his sermons are, his message struck out with me on this night. After all, doesn't God WANT organization and order in His church? Otherwise, one week they might forget to pass around the offering plate.
The tithes and offerings came at the very end of the Cascade Hills service - after the sermon and an invitation hymn. If the
Pastor couldn't persuade people to turn over their lives to God, at least you felt compelled to turn over SOMETHING.
The crowd of people went on after the 60-minute Cascade Hills service to the nearby "Sportatorium," for a youth baseball barbecue. I did NOT go to this for two reasons: 1) I wasn't involved in the sports program. 2) This church is known for its "wild game
suppers," so who knows what the barbecue sauce is covering.
As I walked to my car, I received a big surprise - as I was greeted by my landlord. He asked if I attend Cascade Hills regularly. I told him I didn't - and probably blew a chance to cut my monthly rent by 10 percent.
The parking lot drivers were so focused on moving to the Sportatorium that I couldn't get out of my spot for five minutes. Finally a driver motioned for me to go - proving at least ONE adult in this church understands how to show mercy to others.