BURKARD'S BLOG

I searched on the Internet, and found no one keeping a blog about events in Columbus, Georgia. (Well, other than a 15-year-old high school student, and who knows how much he pays attention to the news?) So being the hip web-savvy guy that I am, I decided to start a blog of my own - chronicling happenings in the town I've called home for some six years, as well as my experiences in it.

But be warned.... I used to have a humor service called LaughLine.com, so my views may be a bit amusing. And the views are my own; no one has paid me to present theirs. Pressured, yes - but paid, no.

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19 JUN 03: THE ATMOS-SPHERE

I jogged to the Riverwalk for a run this morning - and found the path in downtown Columbus covered with water again. City crews need to hurry and put up signs, warning low-income parents this is NOT a free swimming pool.

Apparently four inches of rain in Troup County in two days were enough to flood streets and homes there -- and send high water downstream to Columbus. So I guess you could phrase it this way: "The rain in LaGrange stays mainly away from drains."

Columbus city crews have spent about six weeks cleaning up the Riverwalk from the larger flooding in May. That meant dropping a lot of sand on either side of the path, to replant grass. When I saw it, I thought the city was planning a big welcome-back beach party.

Speaking of "Atmos-pheric conditions:" As I wrote my monthly natural gas check Wednesday night, I'd finally had enough. The numbers were simply too big! Not what I was paying - but the account number.

Every month Atmos Energy's envelopes remind you: "Write account number on check." Have you stopped to count how many digits that number has? I did - and mine has 19 of them! I'm surprised this company doesn't change its name back to "United Cities Gas Company," to make sure EVERY line on the check is filled completely.

If you wrote out the current world population of about six billion people, you'd need only ten digits -- for example, 6,000,000,000. So why do Atmos Energy's account numbers need 19 digits? Are they serving space aliens on other planets, without telling anybody?

(Come to think of it, major credit cards have 16 digits on them. But I can understand that, because some women seem to have hundreds of them.)

Atmos Energy sent out a news release the other day, already warning natural gas prices will be higher next winter than they were this past winter. Talk about giving a whole new meaning to "Atmos-fear."

(Remember, you can prepare now for this winter's high natural gas prices. This is the best time of the year to buy a sweater on sale.)

Awhile back someone suggested I check how much the Columbus city government pays Atmos Energy to keep the "eternal flame for our veterans" lit outside the Government Center. "I hate that thing," the man admitted. The man did NOT tell me his name and address - since if he did, he'd probably have to enter a "witness protection program."

The man said the city of Columbus is in effect subsidizing Atmos Energy, by paying them every month for the eternal flame. So why doesn't Atmos lobby to put these flames in every city in Georgia? Then maybe our natural gas bills might go down.

(Wouldn't you love to visit this man's house -- to see his charcoal-grill water heater?) .

E-MAIL UPDATE: "Sorry... no mirrors on my computer monitor... [1 Jun] there's no room... with all of the pictures of me attached to it. Funny stuff! Blaine" [Stewart]

We're glad Blaine Stewart is a good sport about these things - and we hope he and WRBL find a JUNIOR Consumer Investigator very quickly. Otherwise, his "Senior" title might give away his real age.

BIG PREDICTION: I predict my Pastor will bring up the new Harry Potter book at church this weekend - and be against it. This will come only one week after he praised the founding fathers for supporting freedom of religion.

To comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.