14 APR 08: DUFFER, COME BACK TO ME

Both sides of Georgia were on display over the weekend. Augusta had the big golf tournament, with a national television audience. Columbus served as the sideshow - the place to go if you were too claustrophobic to deal with crowded galleries.

South Africa's Trevor Immelman was the winner Sunday at The Masters. In Augusta. You need that dramatic pause for effect, you know....

Trevor Immelman is the brother of Columbus State University golf coach Mark Immelman. Of course, local sports reporters made a big deal out of that. It was either that, or take Larry Mize to task for missing the cut again.

The C.S.U. golf team went to Augusta for a day, to watch Mark Immelman's brother in action at The Masters. I didn't know the golfers could get free passes at Augusta National for their close friends and relatives. Is this how "Arnie's Army" got started years ago?

Another group of people made a weekend trip in somewhat the opposite direction. The annual "Red Carpet Tour" left The Masters for a day, to spend Friday at Columbus and Callaway Gardens. You'd think a Red Carpet Tour might travel to Dalton instead....

The Columbus Chamber of Commerce brings in the Red Carpet Tour of mysterious visitors from across the U.S. and other countries, while The Masters is in progress. For this group, "Moving Day" comes one day early.

The Red Carpet Tour heard about Columbus-area businesses at Callaway Gardens from TSYS President Phil Tomlinson. Then the group relaxed all day at Callaway, before dining at the River Mill in Columbus. You'd think the Chamber of Commerce would have tried to impress them, with a progressive dinner around Columbus Park Crossing.

So Columbus is tied to The Masters in a couple of ways -- but I can't help thinking about what this area used to have. It's been several years since Columbus hosted a major pro golf tournament. And I'm sorry, but I don't think the Purple and Gold tournament at Fort Benning really counts....

The Southern Open once was a fall tradition at Columbus golf courses. It turned into the "Buick Challenge" for several years at Callaway Gardens. But that event was moved elsewhere -- and I wonder if the lack of a Buick dealership in Harris County has anything to do with it.

The PGA "Champions Tour" tried to have a tournament at Green Island Country Club for a year or two, but it didn't last. Some people argued the scheduling was all wrong, with the final rounds on Memorial Day weekend. But I don't hear Callaway Gardens using that excuse, for moving its water-skiing classic to August.

Sad to say, pro golf is like many other professional sports in Columbus. People are more likely to play it, than pay to watch others do it. Why, even the bass fishermen don't get any closer to town than Lake Eufaula....

E-MAIL UPDATE: The title of today's first message is "Dollar Bill." Maybe you can figure it out, without looking at our comments....

Hello,

Thought you might be interested to know about a grave injustice being perpetrated on one of our cities most esteemed leaders. As you know, most leaders of major corporations receive a significant bonus each year regardless of the earnings of the corporation and this is in addition to any other compensation they receive. However, according to the treasurer of the corporation, the leader of one of Columbus' largest corporations only receives a bonus annually that is equal to $1000.00 for each year served. For example if this leader had provided 25 years of service he would receive a check for only $25,000.00. This is a minuscule amount compared to what the executives of other major corporations receive. I think we need an investigation as to why this leader is being shorted. He is certainly worthy of at least a $1,000,000,000.00 bonus. With over 8000 employees on the books this only seems fair.

Please Look into this injustice.

Thanks

Hmmmm - if this e-mail is accurate, it's no wonder all the finalists for Columbus State University President are from out of town.

But seriously: I'm putting the clues together and concluding this has something to do with Cascade Hills Church, whose pastor just marked 25 years there. But I don't think it's fair to call 8,000 church members "employees." Less than half of them show up on a typical weekend -- and I don't think they're all telecommuting.

Your blog has seen a proposed 2008 budget for Cascade Hills Church. It does NOT break down compensation in detail, but the "administration salaries" line totals less than $350,000. Things might be much higher, if Aflac's Dan Amos was Baptist instead of Methodist.

If this claim about a $25,000 bonus for the Cascade Hills Pastor is accurate, it comes to a little more than three dollars per member. It also comes to about two drink at the church coffee bar -- so it's really a small sacrifice to make.

Another reader couldn't resist responding to our Sunday story, on the marital union of two letters:

You forgot to mention Q & U first saw each other when HUD treated them to a VIP cooking class at the USO on the uses of EVOO. All this was paid for with IRS quarters from WRBL vending machines.

I'm not surprised that Q and U would get by on quarters. They're kind of made for that....

By the way, we're checking reports that Q was born in the Florence, South Carolina area. This would make his background a "Pee Dee Q."

Now let's spell out more details about the weekend news....

+ Our Burkard Bulk Mail Index dropped to another record low, falling below 600. Wow -- even spammers are cutting back, due to the high price of gasoline.

+ The improved intersection of Wynnton Road and Brown Avenue was opened to traffic, with north-south drivers going straight instead of making two quick turns. We thank our Columbus city road crews for making the Streetscape team in downtown Phenix City look like slackers.

+ Oxbow Meadows hosted a nature program on attracting butterflies to your garden. This was scheduled just in time for prom season - when many teenagers are more than happy to get the butterflies out of their stomachs.

+ The University of Alabama "A Day" football game attracted 78,000 people. That number was down 14,000 from last spring - and I didn't realize that many fans had parked their RV's at Talladega Superspeedway already.

+ Instant Message to the Columbus Lions: I was checking the statistics on your Saturday night win - and when did the Civic Center become the "Thunder Dome?" Has sponsorship of this arena finally been sold, to the Thunderbird Motel on Victory Drive?

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 581 (- 25, 4.1%)

TRUDGE REPORT, DAY 43: Racquetball workout, 89 minutes. Total: 157.3 miles run, 15.4 walked

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

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