2 APR 08: MAID OFF WITH IT

The annual Serious Spring Cleaning for your blogger passed another milestone Tuesday night, on the way to victory. I finished cleaning the "computer room" where this blog is written. It's an amazing feeling -- not having your bare toes walking through popcorn kernels, or chocolate chips that fell off the cookies.

Yes, I know - I could hire a maid to come in and do spring cleaning for me. But I'm uneasy about that, for several reasons. For one thing, she might organize everything too well - and I won't be able to find important documents for several weeks.

For another thing, I might hire a criminal -- like the one Columbus Police announced Tuesday. A maid is charged with three counts of theft, for stealing items from people's homes. When this woman cleaned a house, she REALLY cleaned house....

Jennifer Moye is charged with two counts of "theft by taking," and a third count of "theft by deception." I often wonder why there's a distinction between the two. Did Moye claim in one case that items needed laundering?

Jennifer Moye is accused of stealing at least $30,000 worth of jewelry. If police are right about all this, she may have done this to seek an even more impressive job - cleaning at Green Island Country Club.

It's occurred to me over the years that having a maid clean your home takes a good bit of trust. Check the Yellow Pages under "maids," and you'll find several agencies boast of being "bonded and insured." That's probably in case a maid gets too overzealous while dusting, and sweeps a crystal vase right off a shelf.

Remember the fuss some years ago, when Cabinet nominees were caught hiring maids who were illegal immigrants? I learned from those cases that you had to be ready, when strangers knocked on your door offering to do odd jobs. You had to jot down their Social Security numbers before they raked the leaves, to report income deductions to Washington.

(The trouble was that several of the strangers at my door were "illegal" in other ways - such as the man who said he'd rake my leaves, and then disappeared for several days. He finally explained he "had to spend some time in jail." Well, at least he had some priorities....)

While the Serious Spring Cleaning I do is thorough and a bit time-consuming, it's always satisfying when a room is finished. In my computer room right now, thick folders and piles of paper are off the floor for the first time in months. Just ignore the stacks that have moved into the living room - we'll get to those next.

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT: Housework counts in the eight-week "Walk Georgia" project, which now has crossed the halfway mark. My daily score at the bottom of each entry is unofficial, but the Walk Georgia web site shows I've completed the equivalent of 181 miles. If only the contest provided that much real travel, gas-free.

The Blog of Columbus team is now about 500 total miles of exercise. But as of Tuesday night, we were mired in 12th place out of 25 in the Muscogee County standings. But we're well ahead of the NeighborWorks Columbus team in 21st - and if "Cathy W." is Cathy Williams, that school board member needs to walk some more hallways.

Now a quick check of other Tuesday talking points....

+ Richard Hyatt's news web site claimed Columbus State University has fired softball coach Tiffany Tootle. Yet the C.S.U. sports web site still has her listed on the roster, and there's apparently been no official announcement from the university. So either Hyatt is wrong - or he's trying to see how many visitors his web site really has.

(If this story is true, I wonder if the coach was able to say goodbye to her team - and if the players said in response: "Tootle-oo.")

+ The Phenix City Central baseball team was blanked by Opelika 10-0. The Bulldogs are perfect on the year at 26-0, and their pitcher threw a six-inning perfect game. So which Opelika player stole coaching notes from Tony Rasmus?

+ The Phenix City Council approved an agreement to add 7,000 more feet to the "River Phenix" Riverwalk. The agreement had to be arranged with Uptown Columbus Inc. - which makes me wonder if Mayor Jim Wetherington can use some of that proposed sales tax to open a police precinct inside The Phenixian.

+ The Junior League of Columbus held its annual "Kids in the Kitchen" day, teaching Wynnton Elementary School students how to make a nutritious lunch. For some reason, this was done at a nearby church - which almost makes you want to double-check the menu at the cafeteria.

+ WLTZ's "most powerful news source" showed a chef teaching how to prepare a breaded fish sandwich. The report ended with Sandra Okamoto of the Ledger-Enquirer spilling a bit of the sandwich on her shirt. Thankfully, this was the closest thing to an April Fool's Day stunt I saw on any TV newscast.

+ The Georgia Legislature gave final approval to a bill allowing people to take home unfinished wine bottles from restaurants. Senate Bill 55 requires the bottles to be corked, put in bags and placed in a locked car trunk. As a result, the number of "after-parties" across the state could double this summer....

(This is on top of a bill heading for Governor Perdue, which would let people buy 12 cases of wine through the Internet each year. Until now, Georgia has allowed only "online whine" -- such as in the comment sections of Ledger-Enquirer stories.)

+ Instant Message to the RiverCenter: Are you sure about that? I mean, that commercial claiming Giselle on April 29 is "the most popular ballet." If you called her the most popular supermodel, I'd wholeheartedly agree with you....

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 639 (+ 2, 0.3%)

TRUDGE REPORT, DAYS 31: Spring Cleaning, 105 minutes. Total: 101.35 miles run, 14.3 walked

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

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