The Blog of Columbus, Georgia

31 MAY 07: NO SMOKING?

At first, the idea which reached us by e-mail seemed absurd:

Maybe we should sue those S GA counties for letting their smoke excape.

But then I found out Columbus Mayor Jim Wetherington had called a Wednesday afternoon news conference about the smoky air - so I thought maybe the "Coalition for a Tobacco-Free Georgia" had changed its focus.

A wind from the southeast blew a lot of smoke from the South Georgia wildfires across Columbus Wednesday morning. It seemed like the worst day of all so far. In fact, it was SO SMOKY....

+ A few people who went to college at Tennessee started singing "Rocky Top."

+ Old-time politicians became confused, and tried to broker deals on the sidewalk.

+ Smokey Bones Bar-B-Q employees went outside with "to-go" boxes, trying to seal up as much as they could.

+ Transplants and tourists from Los Angeles said, "Wow, this feels just like home."

+ People who had kicked the cigarette habit went outside one more time, knowing they had cover.

And it was SO SMOKY that Mayor Jim Wetherington actually issued a "smoke alert." He assembled city leaders for a news conference, to give residents advice on what to do. For some reason, they did NOT suggest everyone gather in a park with fans, to blow the smoke in a different direction.

Columbus Health Director Dr. Zsolt Koppanyi advised people NOT to jog outside when it's so smoky. I'm not sure why he's saying this. It's not like the smoke smells like grilled hamburgers or something....

City Planning Director Rick Jones expressed hope the smoky condition does NOT count against Columbus's "air quality index," in terms of pollution violations. Add the smoke days to the recent pollen days, and state officials might order everyone to start riding bicycles.

Columbus Fire Chief Jeff Meyer admitted emergency calls for "difficulty breathing" have increased in recent days. This problem probably occurs in waves during the week - with the highest number coming on Tuesday and Friday nights, as the Mega Millions numbers are announced.

The Fire Chief went beyond the smoke, to the overall drought conditions. Jeff Meyer warned drivers NOT to park on grass, because a hot catalytic converter or tailpipe might spark a fire. All you beer can throwing fans at East Alabama Motor Speedway should note that, too....

Wednesday brought news about the drought as well, as Harris County banned all outdoor watering. There's no better time to have a "sun room" or porch - and if your foundation is loose enough, there might be cracks to plant a garden.

Harris County will have to buy extra water from Columbus Water Works for the time being. I guess that's what Phenix City is doing as well, because I haven't heard of any water restrictions at all there. With Georgia's tough rules on outdoor watering, the grass truly is greener on the other side of the Chattahoochee.

We mentioned the other day that one local church pastor is blaming the regional drought on Atlanta not repenting of its sins. This pastor actually went farther, and said the Orlando area needed to do away with some parades. He didn't say which ones - but officials might want to ban next year's Mardi Gras right now.

I'm trying to find an optimistic side in all the smoke and dryness. For instance, have you considered....

+ Smoke in the air is keeping the temperature down. I haven't turned on my home air conditioner so far this year. And if Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines erupts again, I might not need it at all.

+ Brown lawns mean fewer lawn mowers are running - and greenhouse gases from the engines are going down, to balance out the smoke.

+ Dying grass should mean no "rough" on the golf course, helping players shoot record low scores.

E-MAIL UPDATE: The last push is on, in the fight over what should be around the Columbus Public Library. It includes this e-mail:

Mr. Burkard:

I am a longtime reader of your blog and find it is part of a resource that is becoming rarer all the time in our community, an outlet for truly local news.

I am writing in response to your 30 May 2007 blog entry that discusses in part the ongoing controversy surrounding the Library.

I wanted to try to get a few facts out there to your readership which will hopefully better explain the current controversy, that seems to have many folks confused.

The group I am affiliated with, the Education Park Coalition, which was formed almost one year ago, has stood since its inception for development of the 23 acres behind the Columbus Public Library into a park. The Muscogee County School District originally agreed with this view, as evidenced by their adoption in 2001 of the Robert A.M. Stern plan to develop a 15 acre park with a parking lot on the 23 acres behind the Library.

Somewhere along the way Midtown, Inc. got involved and wanted to develop portions of the 23 acres as residential development. The Coalition strongly opposes residential development on land paid for by the public for a public purpose and because a park was promised to the citizens of Columbus in the runup to the November 1999 SPLOST election.

Now the Library Board has submitted a list of expenditures totaling around $6 million. None of that money, not one dime, not one penny has been earmarked to be spent to develop the 23 acres as a park. That is exactly the same as the original $5.4 million list. That is why the Coalition remains opposed to the list.

You have no doubt heard talk of Midtown's "Blue" Plan and our "Stern" plan and other plans. The effect of adopting the list now before Council would be to have a "Black Top" plan, that is the broken construction fencing and cracked asphalt on the 23 acres will remain exactly as they are, until the School Board sells off the property to an out of town developer.

Many have said that adoption of this list is in no way tied to Midtown, Inc. However I can report to you that Midtown, Inc. representatives are calling the four Councilors who said "no" to the List yesterday and pressuring them to change their votes. Also, I have attached an e-mail sent out by Midtown, Inc. on Friday of last week urging support of the List. Why else would Midtown, Inc. support the List other than it brings them one step closer to their goal: residential development by private developers on public property paid for by the citizens of Columbus?

Not to overwhelm you with information, but I am including below some additional information that you may find useful as this story continues to develop, including the e-mail from Midtown, Inc. I mentioned above:

FAST FACTS ABOUT THE LIST BEFORE COUNCIL:

Fast Fact 1: The Library List does not guarantee that $1 of the $6 million being spent will be used to tear up the asphalt behind the Library and replace it with greenspace and a park. $500,000 will be spent improving the existing landscaping in front of the Library. $1.3 million will be spent on a Children's area immediately behind the Library. And $600,000 has been earmarked to be spent "around the Library". But this does nothing to insure that the asphalt will be torn up and replaced with greenspace and a park on the other 23 acres.

Fast Fact 2: A compromise proposal was prepared for submission to the Library Board. It would have reduced the total spent on books from $2.5 million to $1 million, as was originally agreed to by the Library Board Facilities Committee in its February List (see attached February 2007 Library List), and it would have reduced the total on the Children's area from $1.3 million to $500,000 as originally agreed to by the Library Board Facilities Committee in its February List (see attached February 2007 Library List) and added the new $600,000 line item to a new $2.9 million + interest income line item which would read, "Monies to be spent developing the remaining 23 acres of the Library Site in accordance with the plan submitted by the Robert A.M. Stern architectural firm and adopted by the Muscogee County School Board on August 20, 2001."

Fast Fact 3: The Library Board did not even allow discussion of this compromise proposal, stating that the $5.4 million list had already been transmitted to City Council.

Fast Fact 4: This compromise would fully fund all critical needs of the Library outlined in their original List and fund $1 million for books that was never promised and fund $500,000 for a Children's area that was never promised while keeping the promise of tearing up the asphalt and placing alongside the Library greenspace and a park.

Fast Fact 5: If you vote "no" on this Budget Amendment, we will have the opportunity to present this compromise that represents a win-win solution for all involved. If you pass the Budget Amendment, we will have missed the opportunity to develop the 23 acres and it will most likely be sold off by the School District as "surplus" property....

Thanks for your time and attention regarding these matters.

Regards,

Josh McKoon

Before we get to Mr. McKoon's points, I didn't realize outlets for "local news" were becoming scarce around here. The Ledger-Enquirer has more local news on its front page now than ever before - well, unless something important like Hogzilla II comes along.

So the proposed park around the central library wouldn't completely be a park?! Using the numbers Josh McKoon cites from the 2001 plan, one-third of the land in question would become a parking lot. It may not be a "black top" plan - but it would be as black and green as a Philadelphia Eagle uniform, so maybe we should name it after Rod Hood.

I think Midtown Inc. became involved in this issue when the Muscogee County School Board asked Teresa Tomlinson to hold community forums about the library land. She reported more people preferred a "hybrid" approach to the land than any other option, while the park idea had the most negative comments [25 Jul 06]. So should the city live up to a promise most people don't like -- like sales taxes in general?

If Josh McKoon thinks Teresa Tomlinson and Midtown Inc. somehow "packed the meetings" on the library land last year, he'll have to prove it. Tomlinson told reporters last summer she was surprised by the negative reaction to a proposed park. And that was back when we had plenty of rain, to make the land green.

And if the Library Board's proposal for the 23 acres leaves the land as little more than "cracked asphalt," why did Columbus Council approve about $600,000 on Tuesday for landscaping on the property? I can't imagine that much money would be needed to paint new white stripes....

Josh McKoon's letter clearly reflects suspicion and distrust -- with Midtown Inc. primarily, and the Muscogee County School Board after that. For instance, he wants a written guarantee that asphalt will be torn up. This man has a great future working for the Better Business Bureau, investigating contractors.

This letter does not address one point a Library Board member mentioned on TV the other day. She said the Library Board's mission is to operate libraries, not maintain parks around them. Perhaps the park maintenance could be contracted out - but then this would probably turn into an immigration debate as well.

Josh McKoon's official title in all this is director of the Education Park Coalition. But this long and impassioned debate leaves me asking one unspoken question. Given McKoon's other local title -- is Teresa Tomlinson a Democrat?

BLOGGER'S NOTE: We don't have the space to post Josh McKoon's attached letter from Midtown Inc. If you'd like to review it, e-mail us and we'll pass it on.)

We have blog readers at Midtown Inc., so I somehow doubt we've seen the last e-mail on this topic. While we wait for more, let's check other midweek headlines:

+ The Sin City Inquisition and Bar-B-Q blog in East Alabama posted an admitted "rumor" of a settlement between WTVM and Cable TV of East Alabama. I hope that blog didn't hear from the same person who claimed a Kroger store was heading for Ladonia [7 Feb] - because I'm still waiting on that one.

+ Winn-Dixie announced it will rebuild its tornado-ravaged Americus store. The company tried to make the decision a mystery. But when you call a news conference with two corporate officials AND the mayor present, either you plan to rebuild - or your company is being run by the producers of Punk'd.

+ Columbus State canned Cal State-Los Angeles 9-4, to advance to the Division II World Series championship game. C.S.U. will take on Tampa for the title Friday night - and if Tampa's players have been watching videos of the Devil Rays, the Cougars should have no problem.

+ Instant Message to WRBL: Don't laugh too much at that other station's problems. I heard a church pastor advise people in a sermon NOT to watch your new show "Pirate Master" tonight. Take the lying and the stealing scenes out, and maybe he'll change his mind.

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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30 MAY 07: LONG DIVISION

It appeared Tuesday's Columbus Council meeting would settle the months of debate about land around the central library. In a way it did -- but in a way it didn't. And in its own way, that fact sums up much of the debate over the library in this decade....

Columbus Council voted 5-4 in favor of the Library Board's budget plan, for "greenspace" around the main library. That's a simple majority of the members who attended - but not a majority of the entire council. Doesn't it figure? City government often turns something "simple" into something complicated.

The Library Board budget plan needed six votes to pass or fail. It didn't happen because Councilor Red McDaniel missed the meeting -- so yes, something "Red" stands in the way of something green.

WRBL broke down the vote on the Library Board budget by Council members. The NO side against greenspace included Gary Allen and Glenn Davis -- because if Columbus Park Crossing stores have to look like they're in a park, the central library should as well.

But Gary Allen and Glenn Davis were joined on the no side by Councilor Mimi Woodson - making an interesting mix of the north and south side. And Jerry Barnes, whose district seems to include the library, is against greenspace. I say "seems to" because those city annual reports with district maps never include landmarks to figure them out.

The people who want a park to surround the central library have one extra week to persuade the pro-greenspace councilors. But they have a big problem - because the supporters now include Mayor Jim Wetherington. If Red McDaniel comes back next week and votes no, the mayor would break a 5-5 council tie in favor of greenspace. And he also knows how to call police, if lobbyists make harassing phone calls.

Mayor Jim Wetherington admitted Tuesday he's in favor of the Library Board budget for greenspace, if only because he wants the long debate settled. He's apparently grown tired of seeing the issue come up over and over on council agendas - which makes you wonder how the mayor can stand all those city budget hearings.

In other Columbus Council news Tuesday, City Manager Isaiah Hugley announced two million dollars in uncollected landfill fees will be written off. I can't say they're being "dumped," because I think the price would increase to $2.1 million.

And WRBL reported Columbus Council approved a raise for city paramedics. Their pay will skyrocket upward from $8.84 an hour to nine dollars - and you know what that means. Chili nights at the station now can include chips AND crackers.

Before you dismiss that 16-cent raise for Columbus paramedics, keep something in mind: over a 40-hour work week, that comes to an extra $6.40. Why, that's almost enough to buy a complete dinner at Zaxby's.

A concerned Columbus Council observer called me Tuesday, to ask where Paul Olson's been. He's apparently missed the last two meetings - but then again, perhaps he's preparing a lawsuit claiming Mayor Wetherington's budget proposal violates 35 different Georgia state laws.

BLOG UPDATE: The Tuesday evening news followed up on our Blog Exclusive from last Friday, about "Tropical 88.5." One organizer of the new Spanish FM radio station revealed it won't go on the air until December. Well, I suppose we're more likely to want something warm and tropical then....

WTMQ-FM plans to broadcast from a building on South Lumpkin Road, putting it in the heart of the "Hispanic zone" in Columbus. By comparison, WHAL "Viva 1460" is in the Clear Channel building on 13^th Avenue - where you're most likely to find Hispanic people doing landscaping work at the nearby Country Club of Columbus.

WTMQ developer Carlos Huertas said Tropical 88.5 will have more than salsa music. He explained it will have educational aspects, so the Hispanic community can learn about the U.S. and the overall Columbus community can learn about Hispanic life. This sounds like a good idea - teach Columbus State University's beginning Spanish course.

E-MAIL UPDATE: What was that old Linda Ronstadt song....

Please stop already with the "news" from Hurtsboro! Your blog is advertised as being about Columbus. I can take an occasional reference to Hurtsboro, but not every week!

Oh yeah - that song was "Hurts-So-Bad."

A plea like this begs for THE BIG BLOG QUESTION, so it's now set up for you to vote. Should our "Hurtsboro Mondays" end, after some four months? Should they continue? Or do you prefer our third option, to have even more Hurtsboro items here - so maybe we'll get a nice deal on a house from a Hurtsboro real estate agent?

The poll is open until next.... well, you know, next Hurtsboro Monday. Now let's check other headlines from your basic back-to-work Tuesday:

+ Congressman Sanford Bishop declared he does NOT plan to challenge Senator Saxby Chambliss in the 2008 election. For one thing, it's been so long since Bishop debated anyone that he'd probably have to start practicing right now.

+ The Georgia Water Council held a town hall meeting at Columbus State University, on how to share the state's water supply. OK, here's my idea -- next time I cook pasta, I'll pour the cooking water in the apartment complex courtyard. The lawn will get an extra bonus, from traces of iron and thiamine.

+ A truck full of fresh produce flipped over on Interstate 85 in Lee County during morning rush hour. Traffic was backed up for a couple of hours - as some drivers were simply too picky in choosing which green beans they wanted.

+ Instant Message to Cable TV of East Alabama: There's an easy way to resolve this fight, you know. Keep WTVM and drop Bravo. The people most likely to watch Bravo are also the people least likely to admit it publicly in Phenix City.

COMING SOON: An experiment in doing things the "right" way....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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29 MAY 07: THE ROSZELL GARDEN

Roszell Gadson admits he's ready for a break. He graduated from college in 1993, and has been "going non-stop" in television news ever since. It's too bad no one would give him time off for vacation....

Roszell Gadson's "break" began over the holiday weekend, as co-workers bade him farewell from WXTX "News at Ten." It turned out his final newscast actually was Friday night - but Deborah Singer was off on Friday, so she offered final words on Thursday. If she suggested any places to find work, they apparently haven't panned out yet.

Roszell Gadson says he's ready for some time away from television news -- but he adds he's working with his agent on a couple of new job possibilities. I thought the first one would occur Monday night. But for some reason, he was NOT one of the judges at the Miss Universe pageant.

The farewell event for Roszell Gadson was a Saturday night dinner at the Olive Garden, in Columbus Park Crossing. Gadson brought along a friend named Ilka, who moved to Columbus from Germany in 1985. She seems to have adjusted well - as she drank peach tea with dinner, instead of asking for a big stein of beer.

Ilka makes trips back to Germany about once a year - and she tells me our immigration issues are small compared with what Europe is facing. Germany is coping with newcomers from Albania, as well as Muslim countries. Let's be thankful that so far, the Germans have resisted the urge to take an "old-school" approach - and invade all their neighbors.

Saturday night is the busiest night of the week for almost any restaurant. The farewell party was overlooked by the Olive Garden staff for about 30 minutes, after the first few people arrived. Maybe it was because a couple of Fort Benning groups were in uniform, waiting for dinner -- and even these days in Columbus, soldiers tend to receive a lot more respect than journalists do.

A tag team of Olive Garden servers took good care of Roszell Gadson and his friends, once enough seats were arranged. The surprise star of the table was morning news anchor Cheryl Renee, who was praised by the servers for handling everybody else's "corny jokes." It's a good thing I didn't leave a blog business card for them....

A surprise guest at the farewell dinner was WRBL reporter Tim Reid. It turns out he worked with Roszell Gadson in South Bend, Indiana several years ago -- and he did NOT bring a resume, to hand over to somebody.

We hadn't eaten at Olive Garden in a few years, so we tried something a bit offbeat on the menu -- "Chicken Giardino." It's a big plate of cut-up chicken pieces, bow-tie pasta and a wide range of vegetables. If it hadn't been such a large portion, I might have thought I was seven years old all over again.

The Chicken Giardino is a tasty and filling value at $10.75. Add to that the much-promoted Olive Garden "bottomless bowl of salad" - which was so big, some people in our party thought they had to eat it all at one sitting. Sometimes, it helps to pay attention to commercials....

Roszell Gadson received a big surprise at the end of the dinner - as the Olive Garden servers gathered around to sing to him, and present a chocolate ice cream dessert. It might as well have been his birthday. And since we couldn't understand what the staff sang, maybe they thought it really was.

We wish Roszell Gadson well, after his three years with WXTX News at Ten. He was there from the very opening night. It was a wise move for his station to hire a "Roszell" which people couldn't possibly confuse with the late Rozelle of WRBL....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Since we took Monday off for Memorial Day, we're staging "Hurtsboro Monday" one day late - and for a change, we begin with a message that's NOT from an elected official:

Hi Richard,

I am a regular reader of your blog, and of course, a regular reader of "Hurtsboro Mondays". I just have a comment to two about Constable Schweiger's comments to your blog.

One, why stoop to name calling? As in, calling the Mayor 'the mare'? VERY professional of him.

And the other comment: Constable Schweiger would be taken far more seriously in a lot more circles if he dropped the name calling and could spell correctly. It's very difficult to take someone seriously when they have so many spelling errors of common, everyday word and contractions!

Faithful reader,

Jennifer M.

R.J. Schweiger might HAVE to do the name calling himself -- because constables probably don't earn a big enough salary for "public relations assistants." He can't afford someone like Tony Snow to do it for him.

As for the spelling errors: as you may have noticed, most of the time we post 'em like we get 'em at this blog. We firmly believe you can learn something about people by the way they write. For instance: if half their words are numbers, you know they're addicted to text messaging.

Months ago we declared the Constable a "Hurtsboro correspondent" - but his latest e-mail may prompt a revision of that title:

As recently as last Teusday, I walked into the office of The Executive Editor of a local newspaper. The publication in question is in a transition phase; and I'm sure that my interruption wasn't well taken.

This Editor had written a piece in a prior edition asking for volunteer correspondents to provide "good" news throughout Russell County.From past experience,(I contribute regularly) it is difficult at best to get any submission in print. Perhaps that will improve.

I did indeed try to pass on some information that concerned everyone in Russell County. I was quickly silenced! I must be losing my "poker" face; because the Editor surmised that I was upset. But, after more than three years of struggle to gather something good to write about - it's hard to remain stoic!!

It's ironic that a correspondent from Hurtsboro called just as I was leaving (I heard the phone ring) to offer in her words "Oh, there's plenty of good things going on in Hurtsboro!" This volunteer has written a column for another local weekly for years. I will let the readers of future columns evaluate their substance!

The final three paragraphs of that particular column were the most disturbing to me. First of all - I am not on a witch-hunt. I simply seek out facts, and the facts indicate that there's little to cheer about in Hurtsboro. I have tried to encourage the citizens to get involved - I've given more than one opportunity to criticize me and to take a leadership role. So far, there's been no takers!

I agree with the Editor that it's EVERYONE'S responsibility and obligation to make good news happen.

I look forward to the day that I can write this headline. HURTSBORO - IT'S A NICE PLACE TO LIVE!

Constable R.J. Schweiger

It seems to be the habit of columnists to submit a short bio in italics beneath their published opinions I will take that same liberty.

R.J Schweiger is a Russell County Constable, who lives in Hurtsboro He came to Alabama from Illinois in 1989. He is an alumnus of TUOHK (The University of Hard Knocks) and has been a free-lance writer for almost 50 years. His articles and opinions have been circulated and read around the world. He can be reached at rjschweiger@yahoo.com

We took a liberty and added the italics on our own, since the messages we get from the Constable tend to be in plain text. But please note: he spelled italics correctly. He did NOT capitalize them, as if they're from Italy.

I'm going to guess Constable Schweiger paid a visit to the Phenix Citizen-News. But when an officer of the law walks into any editor's office unannounced, it's bound to leave the editor a little concerned -- especially if that editor has spent any time in Russia, China or Venezuela.

I'm not sure what is this "information that concerned everyone in Russell County." The Constable may have passed it on to the newspaper, but he apparently didn't pass it on to me. Has everyone in Hurtsboro except the mayor decided to put out their trash late again?!

The thing about focusing on "good news" is that it can be quite subjective. I worked at a Kansas City radio station which aired "good news" newscasts three times a day. When Cheryl Teigs made a modeling appearance in town, the single guy in me covered it because it was VERY good news.

It's clear Constable Schweiger has trouble finding good news in Hurtsboro these days. I'm not sure when the city election will occur, but perhaps then he'll find some - if someone runs against the mayor.

Now let's check some other highlights from a long holiday weekend - and we hope it was enjoyable for you:

+ Which area high school had a last-minute graduation fuss - because one of the top ten seniors was told to sit in the second row, not the front row where the top ten students traditionally sit? Was some music awards show consulted, about how to resolve this?

+ Phenix City Councilor Ray Bush announced a petition drive to change the form of government now has 500 names. That's enough to put the issue on the ballot - and we'll see if it's enough to launch an old-fashioned "SaveBubba.com" web site.

+ A Sunday drive downtown found someone driving an old car with crude signs urging me to "write in Bagley for President," so we can "annex Mexico." Suppose he wins and the U.S. does this. Wouldn't we have to go on from there - to Panama and Guatemala? Or is his real goal a nuclear war with Venezuela?

+ The Mattress Factory posted signs indicating it's going out of business. So where is the new "Valley's home of a good night's sleep?" We know it's not the pavement under the Second Avenue Bridge....

+ The Saturday Ledger-Enquirer decided the big story of the day, worthy of a three-column headline with a large page-one picture, was "HOGZILLA II." It probably sold a lot of papers - but I have to ask: was the alternative top story Rosie O'Donnell?

+ Columbus State stayed unbeaten in the Division II World Series by edging Angelo State of Texas 5-4. C.S.U.'s Rodney Rutherford made the difference by hitting a three-run inside-the-park homer, when an Angelo State outfielder crashed into the fence and dropped the ball -- which certainly had to be an Ange-low.

+ The Columbus Catfish sank Savannah 2-1 in 14 innings - and as I walked by Golden Park before sunset after the game, the sprinklers were on inside Golden Park. I guess that's an "activity essential to daily business" exception [8 May]. But a lack of grass on the infield doesn't stop the softball players....

+ Instant Message to everyone in Atlanta: If you would please repent of your sins, we might get some rain around here. I heard a church pastor say that over the weekend - which in a way made me feel good, because it let me off the hook.

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2171 (- 447, 17.1%, blog record low)

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25 MAY 07: CONTINENTAL DRIFT

An old cliche (are there really any new ones?) says "everything old is new again." That certainly can be true in broadcasting - although I'm still waiting for 24-hour disco music to make a comeback on radio....

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: Your blog has learned a radio station which faded away ten years ago is planning a comeback. It's moving from AM to FM, will provide the Columbus area a second station in Spanish and will have no commercials. Perhaps that last item is why it failed on AM in the first place.

You may remember "Radio Continental," which was on 1270 AM from 1993 to 1997. The Spanish music it played faded away - and then that dial position became Contemporary Christian, then Big Band and "easy listening," then ESPN Radio sports talk. It's currently WSHE, playing "Southern Gospel" music as if it's repented of backsliding about eight years ago.

The people behind Radio Continental are preparing to return to the air, taking an open FM dial position. It will be called "Tropical 88.5" - and if enough of the Columbus area becomes tropical, it will be one more sign of global warming.

The new FM station is taking the old Radio Continental call letters of WTMQ, and already has set up a web site. Since it's a non-commercial station, it has a bank account established for donations. The donation phone number on the web site led to Wachovia voice mail -- so we don't know yet if this Spanish-language station is accepting pesos.

Yet while WTMQ has a Columbus bank account, I'm not sure anyone in Columbus will be able to hear the new station on FM radios. The station is licensed to Lumpkin, and a coverage map I saw online doesn't even show the signal hitting Fort Benning. Will homes along Victory Drive suddenly have 40-foot-tall antennas?

But of course, this IS the Internet age - and the WTMQ web site allows you to listen to the station online. There's no music playing right now, and the web site gives no clue about when the station will go on the air. So perhaps "Tropical 88.5" is waiting for the high temperature to stay above that level.

By calling itself "Tropical 88.5," I'm assuming this new station will play mostly salsa and merengue dance music. WHAL-AM "Viva 1460" tends to play Spanish pop songs, and even mixes in a little English. But Kanje West's rap during Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie" is only one song.

If the new FM station's signal has trouble reaching Columbus, Viva 1460 probably has nothing to worry about. But I'm hoping to hear Tropical 88.5 in town, because my Spanish music taste is more on the salsa side. The music can be hot, but please keep my tortilla chip dip to mild.

BLOG UPDATE: Our 6 May entry mentioned the problems a Columbus homeowner had with renovation work by Liftech. Our entry apparently rocketed to the top of the Google chart, and brought us two more complaints. The first came by e-mail several days ago:

I was searching "Liftech" and yours was the first on the list (3:12 PM CST May 18th). I had just left the BBB site and they said 7 but, they had been settled. I would sure like to meet the "7" and review their complaints. After a bit more consultation, I will probably be filing one myself. Their salesman, Rodger, has a "silver tongue"! This man could sell a large bottle of laxative to a person with a severe case of diarrhea and have him believe it would relieve him. He'll say that the cracks will close when the house is leveled but, fails to mention the new cracks that will appear and a good possibility that your house may separate from the foundation almost the full length of 1-2 sides. The "lift holes" were only a few feet deep and what dirt wasn't spread down the sides, to obviously hide some of the lower cracks was piled over the holes with the idea that the rain would settle it back level ... not! House definitely not level, 1+" in areas. I believe they must have come from the Carolina's where the "Tip Off Artists" come from and rip people off on driveways and siding jobs.

I'd rather you hold this letter for a bit, IF you think of running it. I would like to know if you got anything from any of those who filed complaints. I can definitely guarantee a better letter when I see what they plan to do. I'm 64 retired/disabled and served the public for 40+ years running an auto repair shop. I could never stand a liar and a thief. This is probably being done on every job they do and, if it is, they need to be stopped and each job checked for quality.

Thanks,

Jim Kimbrough

Little Texas

P.S.

If you'd like to look at the present "mess", I'll be glad to give you directions.

I'm assuming Jim's "7" refers to complaints on file with the Better Business Bureau office -- and not some quality ranking, like on "Dancing with the Stars."

I have NOT made the trip to the Lee County community of Little Texas, to see Jim Kimbrough's house. But he makes it sound like Liftech looks at cracks the way other people do opportunities -- when one closes, another opens.

It's a shame that Mr. Kimbrough's home isn't level. And assuming what he wrote is true, it's also a shame that the Liftech staff isn't "on the level" either....

We decided to post this letter today, because someone else has complained to us about Liftech. A man on Sue Mack Drive called the other evening, claiming the company did $100,000 worth of work on his house - but didn't do the job right. Now he might feel like he's come face-to-face with Sue Mack poison.

The man named Roger told me Liftech began a three-part renovation project on his home last September. The crew reportedly declared the work finished in late December, even though his roof was damaged. Roger says he wanted a new "sunroof," but done the proper way....

Roger apparently has filed a civil suit against Liftech - and he's wondering if other people have had problems with the company, so they can join forces in a combined case. If you have, e-mail the blog with a phone number and we'll pass it along to Roger. If you're an attorney looking for a cut of the settlement, we make no such guarantees.

There's one other rumor involving Liftech which we need to clear up. Columbus attorney Alfonso Whitaker told the blog Thursday he did NOT drop Liftech as a client, because of all the customer complaints. While he no longer represents the company, he said: "I think it was mutual...." So they went separate ways - a bit like those floors and foundations....

Alfonso Whitaker explained he's no longer an attorney for Liftech because he couldn't provide the proper amount of time to serve the company properly. This could mean Whitaker is busy with other clients. Or it could mean Liftech needs a large-sized team of attorneys from Atlanta.

Now for other accurate facts (and possibly misleading punch lines) from the Thursday news:

+ The Muscogee County Library Board leaned toward turning land around the central library into greenspace. Republican Party Chair Josh McKoon told WRBL he's not satisfied, and will urge Columbus Council to require a park on the land. Excuse my ignorance, but what's the difference between greenspace and a park? Does the Library Board want to buy artificial turf?

+ Roszell Gadson anchored his final newscast on WXTX "News at Ten." I'd take what co-anchor Deborah Singer said, and go one step further - he's probably the most good-looking male news anchor in Columbus. If Phil Scoggins simply would drop those glasses....

+ The "Cash Flow Generator" seminar came to Columbus, promising tips on making big money through buying and selling real estate. Isn't it a little late to learn how to ruin people's life savings, through sub-prime mortgages?

+ The Opelika City Schools ended their year, with officials saying a "character education" program at Opelika High School has improved behavior. I guess the two children caught carrying guns at other Opelika schools should learn to turn them over to police politely.

(If character really is improving in Opelika schools, why did the district create a "safety committee" with proposals for school uniforms and mesh book bags? Did "belt" somehow become a character word of the week - and if so, how?)

+ Instant Message to Golden Corral: I'm assuming your new "Greenhouse Select" salad bar does NOT include broccoli. After all, we all want to avoid those greenhouse gases....

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Because of Pentecost Sunday at church and the Memorial Day holiday, we're going to take a three-day weekend off. We hope YOU have a nice one, and will come back when blogging resumes on Tuesday.)

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24 MAY 07: J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS!

That was the big announcement from the Columbus Airport Commission Wednesday. It was surprising that they didn't fly down quarterback Chad Pennington and a few New York Jets cheerleaders, to make it a complete celebration....

Airport Commissioner Don Cook told WRBL Delta and Atlantic Southeast Airlines will switch from turboprop planes to jets in the next few weeks. Do you realize what a big deal this is? Columbus Metropolitan Airport will finally enter the 1970's.

(Looking at it another way: right now the closest "jets" to the Columbus Airport are the engines at the Pratt and Whitney factory - and the sports teams of South Georgia Technical College in Americus.)

And here's the even more amazing thing: Don Cook says Delta and ASA are making this upgrade to jet planes while lowering the price of flights. He noted a flight from Columbus to Atlanta now costs between 50 and 100 dollars - as if people simply fly from Columbus to Atlanta. The price of gasoline for the interstate drive isn't THAT expensive yet.

I checked a well-known travel web site Wednesday night, for flights to my hometown of Kansas City. A midweek round trip would cost $274 from Atlanta, $282 from Montgomery, and $335 from Columbus. How did Montgomery get such a price advantage - by being in the Central time zone?

Don Cook says ASA's switch to jet planes should result in more efficient service. He adds service should be faster as well - and I suppose that extra five minutes walking through the Atlanta concourses could come in handy.

The switch to jet engines could mean an even bigger gain. Don Cook says it will play a key role in bringing American Airlines to the Columbus Airport. Things right now are at the point that for many local men, "American Airlines" means you have a pair of aces in your poker hand.

Don Cook says a decision is expected by July about whether American Airlines will begin service to Columbus. But he declared: "They are doing everything they can.... and we are doing the same...." So if you see executives on both sides holding candlelight dinners at Bludau's, please understand....

All in all, Don Cook seemed much more optimistic Wednesday than the last time I saw him on TV. Back in February, he complained to Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue that ASA's service was poor [4 Feb]. You don't think there's a mysterious line in the state budget about "jet education," do you?!

When I moved to Columbus ten years ago, the airport had three airlines. Currently it stands at one. But we shouldn't worry too much. Federal officials warn the Atlanta area will need a second airport in about 20 years, and we'll be ready.

Now let's adjust our seats to an upright position, to check other Wednesday headlines:

+ Columbus city swimming pools opened for the summer. I saw TV coverage of this, and was stunned -- because the water levels have NOT been lowered by one to two feet because of the drought.

+ Valley, Alabama canceled a fireworks show planned for this weekend, because of the statewide fire alert. If we don't get some rain soon, "Wanda the Bang-Bang Lady" in Russell County may have to put on a Western outfit and fire toy pistols.

+ Farmers in every Georgia county except one were allowed to begin applying for federal disaster assistance, from the early-April freeze. The exception is Clay County - where I guess all those gas-guzzling drivers have produced the worst example of global warming in the state.

+ The LaGrange Daily News reported on a teenager who organized the first "World Finger Jousting" tournament. It had about 15 spectators, eight contestants and three trained referees. When a high school junior draws better numbers in LaGrange than I did last year with a statewide frisbee tour, I know I was in the wrong business.

+ A federal judge in Atlanta sentenced former Coca-Cola secretary Joya Williams to eight years in prison, for attempting to sell Coke's trade secrets to Pepsi. If only she'd offered them to the National Enquirer or the Drudge Report....

+ Instant Message to the caller who claimed if I dialed the Columbus NAACP voice mail number, I would hear the word "struggle": Yes, you're right - the message ended with, "The struggle for justice continues." But what about the sentence before that? "Keep your head to the sky, and he will support your feet." I didn't realize Bill Madison could do that.

SCHEDULED FRIDAY: New complaints about a Columbus company....

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23 MAY 07: A HAPPY MEDIAN?

Columbus Council approved plans Tuesday for the next big "Streetscape" project. If you thought the work on Broadway was annoying, just wait until crews start working on Veterans Parkway - which actually is used by a large number of cars every day.

Trees Columbus officials outlined plans to improve the middle of Veterans Parkway, between Fourth and 13^th Street. The biggest change would be the addition of a median with trees - and if they're like the trees along downtown Atlanta streets, they'll need changing every ten years because exhaust fumes will kill them.

Parts of Veterans Parkway in the "streetscape zone" actually have medians already. In other cities, it's called a "median strip" -- but in Columbus, the ones on Victory Drive with such a name would only make single men snicker.

Downtown sections of Veterans Parkway with medians with grass or bushes - but Trees Columbus apparently wants trees there instead. If you still needed evidence that President Bush is a "lame duck," there it is.

But some business owners along Veterans Parkway are concerned about the medians. They fear they might lose money, because drivers won't be able to make left turns in the middle of the block. If they ran body shops or wrecker services, this might be logical....

One beauty shop owner along Veterans Parkway expressed concern the addition of trees in the median might make it harder for customers to find her business. The answer to this seems to be easy - make the beehive hairdos that much higher.

But some locations are thriving in the parts of Veterans Parkway which already have medians. People are able to get to the Mildred Terry Branch Library without much difficulty, and plans are in the works for expansion. Maybe more businesses should offer free computers for listening to rap music.

Columbus Council didn't mind approving this streetscape plan because it won't cost the city any money. It's being paid for by a state grant, as well as Trees Columbus. But I wonder if Columbus Police might object to all the trees in the middle of Veterans Parkway - since they'll give panhandlers places to hide.

The streetscape plan for Veterans Parkway also means the removal of billboards along the roadsides. One of them at Eighth Street says El Carrizo restaurants are "just ahead." I'm not sure when "just" started meaning halfway across the city....

So where does Trees Columbus plan to stop with this streetscape work? First Broadway, then Veterans Parkway beginning next year - but if it dares propose trees with medians on Whittlesey Boulevard west of Columbus Park Crossing, the group might lose almost all its donations.

A scenic place leads off our look at other Tuesday news:

+ Georgia state officials announced several state parks will close two days a week, to save money. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Providence Canyon State Park originally was on the list, but officials changed their minds. Perhaps they were concerned tourists who walk in Sunday afternoon might wind up stuck until Wednesday morning.

+ A southeast breeze spread smoke from the Georgia-Florida wildfire across the Columbus area. For some people, the layer of smoky haze was a bother. For the people who live close to barbecue restaurants, it was simply another day.

+ Several law enforcement agencies announced more than 120 arrest warrants, at the end of a ten-month drug operation. For those of you who complained to your neighbors that nothing was being done about drugs in the neighborhood - how do you know one of those neighbors wasn't an undercover officer?

+ WRBL reported the amount of money in the Columbus city general fund is up six percent this year. This is due in part to $19,400 in fines for false alarms - and imagine if that included the people spreading wild rumors about the immigration bill.

+ The Georgia Public Policy Foundation honored Rigdon Road, Benning Hills and Dimon Elementary Schools as "no excuses" schools. You'd think every teacher in the district would know better than to buy the "dog ate my homework" line....

(By "no excuses," the Georgia Public Policy Foundation means these schools excelled despite having a large number of low-income students. But all that could change next school year - once the deep discounts end, and Chapman's goes out of business.)

+ Columbus High School blitzed Blessed Trinity 13-1 and 10-1, to advance to the AAA baseball semifinals. Blessed Trinity will seek penance, while Columbus seeks pennants.

+ Instant Message to Wyeth Laboratories: What's this new pill you just had approved - Lybrel?! The one they say promises "an end to periods"?! What will we writers use instead -- nothing but exclamation points?!?

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22 MAY 07: THE PRICE OF GROWTH

Uh-oh - it's becoming increasingly clear that someone will have to pay for base realignment at Fort Benning. And that "someone" well could be you and me, in the form of higher taxes. Explain to me again how this "volunteer army" works?!

On Monday, Columbus City Manager Isaiah Hugley became the latest area official to suggest a sales tax increase might be needed to deal with BRAC. Yet he called it a "last resort" - a comment which might disqualify him from the John F. Kennedy "Profiles in Courage" award/

City Manager Isaiah Hugley's first resort is to obtain federal grant money for additional police and EMS personnel. If he thinks Congress is going to provide that - well, has he noticed all the trips Muscogee County Superintendent John Phillips has made to Washington? So far, all Phillips has brought back is a frequent flier discount voucher.

(Some cynical bloggers would point out federal grant money comes from federal tax dollars. But if Columbus gets some of them back, isn't that sort of like a tax cut?)

The City Manager already has done the math - and Isaiah Hugley says a one-cent local option sales tax would bring Columbus city government 34 million dollars a year. But hopefully city officials have learned a lesson in recent weeks. We demand at least two acres of green space around the Fort Benning main gate.

But the Muscogee County School Board may beat the city to a tax hike. It held a public hearing Monday night on a property tax millage rate increase of 2.75 percent. It would be the first such increase in more than a decade - something I think only John Wells is old enough to remember.

Muscogee County and other area school districts expect base realignment at Fort Benning will bring 10,000 new children to this area. To borrow from that documentary shown in Columbus the other night, you could call them BRAC Brats.

It was actually Phenix City's school superintendent who was first to propose a "BRAC bump" in taxes. Larry DiChiara says new construction already is underway in his district, including one project at Central High School. If you build it, they might vote yes....

More money for schools seems understandable - but a higher sales tax to pay for police officers?! When soldiers and their families are the ones moving to the Columbus area? I haven't heard of any moves to build new bars and nightclubs along Victory Drive.

BLOG UPDATE: Former Fort Benning Commander Paul Eaton appeared on the PBS "Tavis Smiley Show" Monday night. This makes two Columbus-related guests in three weeknights. Former Mayor Bob Poydasheff must be wondering where he went wrong....

Retired Major General Paul Eaton appears in one of the "VoteVets" commercials opposing the President's policy in Iraq. Eaton claims President Bush ignored advice from commanders such as himself, about the risks involved with an invasion. So why didn't that hurt morale in 2003, while Congressional debate supposedly is hurting it now?

Paul Eaton revealed to Tavis Smiley he might consider running for public office someday - but he's not "considering it actively" right now. In other words, more people need to tell him they're tired of Columbus Councilor Mimi Woodson.

E-MAIL UPDATE: One writer is in a mood to celebrate....

YEA...Columbus just might have another sports national winner..CSU baseball is headed for the college world series..

First Glenwood won a state high school baseball title in Montgomery. Then Russell County finished second there. Now the C.S.U. Cougars are heading for Montgomery as well - and I hope someone with the Columbus Sports Council worked out a long-term motel deal for all of them.

Add to that list the C.S.U. softball team finishing third in the national Division II championship -- and Columbus and Pacelli High Schools play in Georgia quarterfinal series today. What is it about the Columbus area, which makes us so powerful with bats and balls? I can't believe good-quality footballs cost that much more....

We had another e-mail about Hurtsboro, but that will wait until our next Hurtsboro Monday (which next week might be adjusted). Now let's check other items from Canada's Victoria Day holiday:

+ A number of Columbus gas stations lowered their prices BELOW three dollars a gallon. A Spectrum in my neighborhood went down from $3.03 to $2.96 - which means it's probably getting a running start for a boost to $3.20.

+ Swift Spinning Mills was sold to Blackstreet Capital, a private equity fund based in Maryland. The company is being sold by Marubeni Corporation of Japan - so all remaining World War II veterans in Columbus now can rest in peace.

(I didn't realize until I saw the news release on this sale that Swift Spinning produces yarn for Tommy Hilfiger and Sears products. So why are Hilfiger's items so much more expensive? Is his yarn delivered in an armored truck?)

+ Auburn University showed off its new "Tiger Transit" bus system. Students now can track their bus's progress by using a GPS tracking device -- and they can time how late to sleep, with split-second accuracy.

+ The Montgomery Advertiser reported the city's first Hooters restaurant will open Wednesday. It's hard to believe Montgomery did NOT have one until now. The fear of Roy Moore must be stronger than I realized.

+ Instant Message to Jordan High School: I admit I haven't been keeping track - so how did you wind up with someone in tonight's final round of "American Idol?" Has Ryan Seacrest been pronouncing the name correctly?

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21 MAY 07: THY DUMP RUNNETH OVER

We're now at four months of Hurtsboro Mondays, and topics and comments about the town keep coming our way. It's reaching the point where we wonder if a Chattahoochee Valley Community College instructor will use the town, to teach drama students how to write soap operas.

The number-two city in Russell County made the late TV news this past week. And as it did, the elected official who watches Hurtsboro was writing us anew:

BULLETIN!!!

Here in "Hurt'sboro the underpaid (sometime unpaid) city workers are expected to move mountains of garbage on a weekly basis to a landfill. Sometimes they succeed - sometimes it goes rather badly. The poor fellows are expected to perform this unsavory task with worn-out trucks that are financed far beyond their worth.

This week disaster struck!!! both trucks went down - and a rented dumpster at the citie's "Open" dump (that's a no-no) was overflowing!!! The result was garbage that was placed curbside early Monday morning, and waste from a restaurant that was set out Saturday at noon went uncollected until very late Wednesday evening!

How could this happen? It's simple.Although city officials were apprised; they took no steps to address the problem. The citizens, as is their wont sat placidly by while the piles of refuse mounted.

"Somehow" FOX 54 and CH> 9 got "wind" of the mess and sent a camera crew to our town.They were fortunate enough to locate our mare at a social function and she commented (off camera) that the sneaky citizens had put that garbage out after the routine pick-up just to embarrass her!!

Well. Whatever. There was a great deal of scurrying well into the evening Wednesday evening.

The mare still has problems though - two fully loaded inoperable garbage trucks are sitting at our dump site and next week's routine is rapidly approaching!

Oh Well! That's the way we operate in "Hurt'sboro!!

Constable R.J. Schweiger

At least Hurtsboro has city workers who collect the trash, as opposed to Columbus. The town must not have enough jail inmates to do the job for free.

If Hurtsboro's city officials "took no steps to address the problem," how did the garbage get collected Wednesday evening? Did some Union Springs trash truck driver happen to pass the restaurant, and smell a chance for extra money?

Hurtsboro's Mayor may have given the TV stations an "after the deadline" garbage excuse, but she told a different story to the Opelika-Auburn News. Sandra Tarver-Yoda said she called Sunflower Waste last Tuesday to request the city's rented dumpster be replaced. So in Hurtsboro the slogan may be, "One call, one day, that's all."

Mayor Sandra Tarver-Yoda told the newspaper no one ever called her about the lack of garbage pickup, while the acting City Clerk received one complaint. That's the thing about living in a small town like Hurtsboro . People come to expect things to move slower -- and even the mayor uses that against the people as an excuse.

While many people in Hurtsboro seemed to be patient with the garbage situation, Constable R.J. Schweiger apparently was not. In fact, I understand HE was the one who alerted the TV stations to the situation last week. I'm starting to wonder if he's the only person in town with Internet access.

So as a new week begins in Hurtsboro, so does a new drama. Can the city find a way to repair the trash trucks, so garbage can be collected? What will be done if that doesn't happen - especially since all of Alabama is now under a fire alert?

The "bulletin" about trash service actually was the second e-mail we received last week from the Constable. R.J. Schweiger was quick to respond to last Monday's interview with a consultant to Hurtsboro -- but as is our policy, we're removing phone numbers of third parties and editing one profanity:

Sir Richard:

Your latest BLOG reinforces my belief that you should never dignify accusations with a response!!

Bob Corwin's feeble attempt to justify what he's doing in "Hurt'sboro is laughable!! And, his threats at litigation and inflicting bodily harm (thumping my head) unveils the propensity of those in "charge" in this old town to resort to violence. First, there was Gary Williams, then "Judge" Ken White, and now, Bob Corwin!! Perhaps the "Park" is a good idea - it could provide an arena to further the violence that simmers here!!

As I've done before, let me edit some of Corwin's (perhaps intentional) erroneous responses.

The statement that no matching funds are requred is false. At this time the Dept. of Economic Development is willing to accept a written committment - but at the end of the day the city will owe $15,000.00 * Johnny Streeter....

The required bidding process should be interesting - since there's no actual blueprint - or description of a proposed pavillion.

Mr. Corwin took exception to my description of the park site - I did the best that I could - with the information at hand. "Somewhere in "Hurt'sboro south of the railroad tracks. So help me; that's the description in the Enviormental Review Repot!! And, if you care to verify my facts - a portion of the area IS in a flood plain. * Chance Corett (Homeland Security)....

Mr. Corwin is correct - I did send photo's of the disgusting mess that already exists at the "Park" site. If that's what it takes to get a grant; I've got plenty more of; potholed streets, empty stores, junk police cars, and an open dump. That surely will turn the trick!!

Oh yes! I admit to being a "troublemaker" if that description is of someone who asks legitimate questions and expects honest answers. And as far as making a difference (either good or bad) it's been an exercise in futility.

The people in "Hurt'sboro are either tired, afraid, or just don't give a d**n!!!

Constable R.J. Schweiger

. Yeow - what sort of violence could a Russell County Judge threaten to do to the Constable? Providing legal assistance without a license doesn't seem like a death penalty case to me.

The Opelika-Auburn News had a story on the park improvements this past week as well. Before we go further, I should point out that I know no one at that newspaper. I've never even subscribed to that newspaper. If that will keep a conspiracy theory from starting, so be it....

Friday's newspaper noted the city of Hurtsboro is "contributing" $15,000 to the park improvement project. The article didn't call it "matching funds." And since the Alabama state grant is for about $128,000, that amount from the city is about as much of a "match" as I am for America's Next Top Model.

The $15,000 from the city of Hurtsboro apparently will pay for a pavilion, since it wasn't on the list of items Bob Corwin mentioned to me. The Opelika-Auburn News called it a "picnic pavilion," which seems to include barbecue grills. Disgruntled CharBroil employees might be willing to donate some of their own....

I'm a bit surprised R.J. Schweiger had a problem putting a street address on the park in question. Or is the Constable implying Hurtsboro's planned improvement is literally on the wrong side of the tracks?

In fact, the Opelika-Auburn News put an address on the park project. If the Constable's taking notes on our blog, and we've come to think he does - it's called Main Street.

But another part of the park address is quite an eye-opener. The newspaper says it's "behind the Junior Educators of Tomorrow building." That means it's behind a business operated by the mayor! So we may not have any problem finding the dedication plaque....

The newspaper report on the park project said Hurtsboro has hired an engineer for the work, and is considering an architect. Now hold on a minute - maybe you need an "architect" to build a picnic pavilion. But couldn't you simply make a shopping trip to Lowe's?!

As for the Constable's three theories on the people of Hurtsboro - I'm reminded of an old slogan for Atlanta: "The city too busy to hate." Maybe Hurtsboro is the town too busy commuting to notice anything is wrong.

Meanwhile, a new "snail mail" from Russell C. Ounti has reached our mailbox. He challenges our own conspiracy theory of last Monday, explaining he sends Constable R.J. Schweiger a copy of everything he sends us. OK, we'll accept that - especially since it would cost Columbus Police a lot of time and money to dust the letters for fingerprints.

Mr. Ounti's latest letter begins: "NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY! It isn't nice to try to unmask a willing contributor." Maybe not - but even those Washington Post reporters years ago knew who "Deep Throat" was.

The letter asks why we haven't tried to learn the identity of other e-mailers about Hurtsboro. To clear up any confusion: we DO know their identities - but they asked to remain anonymous, because they feared some sort of retaliation by Constable Schweiger. Maybe they'd be asked to fix the city trash trucks or something....

As for someone's effort to launch a blog about Hurtsboro - it may be down for the count. We couldn't call it up again Sunday, instead seeing a "404 not found" error. How annoyed must the city of Atlanta be, about having its area code applied to something like that?

I heard somewhere recently the typical blog writer stops writing a blog after about three months. So be careful -- people like me who have been at it more than four years might be obsessive-compulsive....

BLOG UPDATE: I'd like to take some space today to thank all of you who offered kind words and prayers over my recent health problems. A doctor confirmed this past week I had "walking pneumonia." It's a bit strange that one symptom of walking pneumonia is (ahem) having runs in the bathroom....

The persistent coughing practically has stopped, and I'm spitting out grunge nowhere near as much as I did a few weeks ago. Besides, I'm tired of cleaning my plastic cups which doubled as spittoons - so now I settle for spitting in the nearest sink.

There's still a touch of fluid in my lungs, which is noticeable when I first try to speak. After I clear my throat, everything seems to be fine. So if it sounds for a moment like I'm talking from the bottom of a swimming pool, please understand....

When it comes to exercise, the last few weeks have felt like I was learning to run all over again. A breakthrough came Saturday night, when I jogged more than 1.6 miles non-stop. If I can keep this up, no one will be able to accuse me of running Fat Boy's Farmers Market.

I strongly believe the church congregation I attend has been passing this problem back and forth for months. A husband and wife in their seventies developed it first. Then a father did (but his wife and children didn't). And this weekend, we learned a preschooler is sick with viral pneumonia -- which really is turning into very old-monia.

There's one unexpected fringe benefit to having health problems. Telemarketers hang up on you right away. The other night, someone called from the Fraternal Order of Police:

"Can we count on you for some support?"

"I can't afford it right now."

"As little as 19 dollars?"

"Well, I have about 700 dollars in health bills...."

Click. It's as if the telemarketer thought I'd pass on my pneumonia over the phone.

As I pray for the healing to continue to completion, let's complete this entry with some Sunday news highlights:

+ The annual "Arts in the Park" event at Lakebottom Park had a record 70 booths. If the organizers aren't careful, police are going to start calling it "Family Day in the Park training camp."

+ The evening news reported the Georgia Forestry Commission has cut more than 200 jobs since 1991. To which the Garden Club of Georgia said, "So? How many trees have they cut?"

+ Columbus State's baseball team advanced to the Division II World Series, by winning two games over Mount Olive College of North Carolina. Perhaps we should have seen this coming - that Mount Olive would wind up in a pickle.

(So Columbus State has made the national championship tournament in both baseball and softball! That probably doesn't happen very often. It's a bit like North Carolina in men's and women's basketball - although the C.S.U. coaches don't face calls for their firing if they fall short of the final round.)

+ Masters champion Zach Johnson won the AT&T Classic golf tournament near Atlanta. He prevailed in a playoff against Ryuji Imada, who wore an Aflac cap and carried Aflac gear. Imada hit his second shot into the water - as if he expected the Aflac duck really would come to his rescue.

+ Instant Message to the man who left a message on my answering machine Sunday morning: No, I didn't forget. Yes, I watched the finals of the National Heads-Up Poker Championship. And yes, I noticed how NBC paid much more attention to Shannon Elisabeth losing in the semifinal round than the two men at the last table.

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20 MAY 07: FOR THE BIRDS

"How are you today?" a woman asked as I walked into a store the other day. I was OK. The doctor had just told me so, saying I "had my color back." Since the doctor is African-American, she was in a position to know.

But it quickly became clear I would NOT be the focus of this short shopping trip -- as the woman in the back of the store then said something about square dancing. I didn't even walk inside wearing blue jeans.

I know some things about square dancing, from the one-week "intensives" we did in the gym during grade school physical education class long ago. In fact, it could come to mind if you head east on 11^th Street from downtown toward the foundry and Wynnton Road. You'll have to turn a "grand right and left."

"He can't do square dancing," the woman said of an older man nearby. Then she proceeded to show me his steps - one step to the side, then a slow step back.

"It's like basketball," I suggested. "He's keeping the pivot foot."

The woman who worked at the store was a bit amused by this - but said, "He doesn't play basketball. He's too short." Have THAT many people forgotten the Spud Webb years with the Atlanta Hawks?

The man who couldn't square dance disappeared to a back room of the store - so now the female employee started working on me. "Woodpeckers talk to me," she said. "Do you believe that?"

If this was Wild Birds Unlimited, that comment might have made sense. But I was inside a bread store on Warm Springs Road - and I was starting to wonder if this woman had put some strange topping on her English muffin.

"I don't know," was my answer to the woman's question. I didn't expect any questions about woodpeckers at a place like this. And my knowledge about woodpeckers was limited to the old cartoons with Woody.

"They talk to me every day," the woman continued - apparently trying to goad a response from me. But she actually was distracting me from finding something to go with my two loaves of whole-wheat bread. Thankfully, I had enough fiber in my being left over from breakfast to keep my mouth shut.

"And they love coconut doughnuts," the woman went on. Good -- that was one item NOT to consider buying.

"There it is," the woman pointed as I reached her checkout stand. A framed photo of a woodpecker was on the wall behind her. I didn't notice any pictures of family members - so perhaps you can conclude which one visits her more regularly.

"Now do you believe me, that they talk to me?"

"I don't know," the journalist in me answered. I'd have to personally hear this to know for sure. And I admittedly was trying to cut the discussion short, in case the woman had another pressing topic waiting to bring up -- like daylilies.

"Here he is with the doughnuts." The woman had a couple of loose photos by the cash register -- and sure enough, doughnuts were on the ground next to a woodpecker. How that bird stayed slim and trim, I'm not really sure.

"I think God sends him every day," the woman continued. Maybe God's sending me something similar to that - yet I keep killing the cockroaches in the kitchen.

By now I'd signed the credit card statement for my two loaves of bread and a small apple pie. But the employee was dominating the discussion so much, I decided to be humble. "Anything else?" I asked without moving for the door.

"Yes" - and the woman reached under the counter. She pulled out two folders with about 20 more woodpecker photos. Rather surprisingly, a membership card in the Audubon Society was nowhere to be found.

"You know what the woodpecker says?" I still hadn't committed to the woman's question, so she finally offered what apparently was her punch line. "He says caw, caw, caw." So much for a "Ghost Whisperer" spinoff show....

At this point, another customer thankfully had reached the cash register. "Have a wonderful day," the cashier said - and I was dismissed. I kept my best poker face, and walked out the door - resisting the urge to double-sashay.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Tavis Smiley's interview with the author of a book on the Stocking Strangler case brought a response Saturday - not so much toward Smiley, but what we wrote about him:

Read your comment on the Big Eddy Club. But you did not refute one fact that was in the book you only made light of it, what questions would you ask Mr.Rose?

Surely you can do better than that

Jusus

Hope Is Not A Strategy

But Then Again........

I Might be Totally Wrong.

To be honest, at this point I wouldn't be ready to ask David Rose any questions. I haven't read his book. I wasn't in Columbus when the Stocking Strangler killings and trial happened. And I don't have a staff of researchers, like I would have guessed Tavis Smiley would use to help him prepare.

(And to be even more honest, I'm not much of a book reader. I find myself too busy to sit down with such things, and give them my full attention. There's work to do, a daily blog to write - not to mention my recent in-depth Biblical analysis of what an "everlasting covenant" is.)

I don't know if Richard Hyatt knew the PBS interview was coming, but he wrote a column in Friday's Ledger-Enquirer taking issue with some of David Rose's facts. Hyatt noted Calvin Smyre is a banker, not a lawyer. And Hyatt revealed First Presbyterian Church's attendance is lower than Rose claims in his book - which must have been humbling to church Pastor Charles Hasty.

Speaking of church, we also received a message about our thoughts on the late Jerry Falwell:

I taught a student from the ghetto who was trying his best to reach some goals in life...He got a scholarship to Liberty Baptist graduated then stayed on to work for Rev.Falwell. This young man who could have become another prison statistic instead became a good husband and Christian man..I got the nicest letter from Rev.Falwell telling me that this throw away kid appreciated the encouragement I gave him...Hats off to Rev.Falwell..You might not always agree with his religious view,but he did educate many of American's lost generation...

At the church I attend, I was a bit surprised that Jerry Falwell's name did NOT come up this weekend. One man talked at length about a week-long radio series James Dobson did, on the threat of radical Islam. And our sermon was about the adultery commandment -- which of course meant Bill Clinton received a mention.

Now for other things which came up, on a picture-perfect spring weekend:

+ Which attorney in the Historic District had his large wooden sign flipped over in the front yard? How nasty a divorce case must that have been?

+ Several Columbus gas stations held tough, and kept their prices below three dollars a gallon. They include Raceway on Victory Drive, BP across from the Civic Center, and Summit at 15^th and Veterans Parkway - where I'm surprised some radio station didn't park a van outside to take credit for it.

+ The President of Costa Rica announced he no longer will allow police to be trained at Fort Benning's Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation. Instead, Costa Rican poker star Humberto Brenes will lead officers in "psy-ops" techniques such as dancing, wearing funny hats and attacking with toy animals.

+ The trustees of Lyman Ward Military Academy in Tallapoosa Academy decided to keep the school open one more year. If enrollment doesn't show a significant increase, cadets will be urged to drive to Fort Benning and head directly into basic training.

+ The Springer Opera House announced its 2007-08 schedule. One play is "Enchanted April," about four women on vacation in Italy. It opens October 18 - allowing flag-waving veterans five months to organize a picket line.

(I've heard of "chick flicks" at the movies, but what do you call a production like this? I don't think "broads on the boards" would be quite appropriate....)

+ The Challenger Space Science Center showed a movie outside at sunset. When I jogged by, only about 40 people were watching on the lawn - indicating next time, the staff needs to sell bags of popcorn on the side.

+ The Russell County Soccer Club held an equipment collection drive, for soldiers in Iraq. Hopefully people won't confuse this with the Russell County High School baseball team - which was kicked around like a soccer ball in the third game of the 6A finals.

SCHEDULED MONDAY: The Hurtsboro debate turns downright trashy.... and we'll postpone the health update till then....

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18 MAY 07: WHEN EDDY MET TAVIS

The fuss about the book "The Big Eddy Club" went national Thursday night, when author David Rose appeared on the PBS "Tavis Smiley Show." Smiley called it an "acclaimed" book -- which shows he hasn't met Mayor Jim Wetherington yet.

David Rose said he expects a decision "any day" from Columbus federal court, about a key new piece of evidence in the Carlton Gary case. At issue is whether a "bite cast" from one of the "Stocking Strangler" victims matches Gary's teeth. And some of us thought a "bite cast" was what many radio news reports had become....

David Rose accused current Muscogee County Judge and former District Attorney Doug Pullen of urging a dentist to lie, and claim the bite cast from a Stocking Strangler victim had been destroyed. But in reality, the dentist had passed it on to the County Coroner -- who apparently pulled a Quincy, M.E. and wouldn't let evidence die.

David Rose believes Carlton Gary was convicted of murder in 1986 not so much by the evidence, as by the "weight of prejudice." That weight of prejudice still surfaces at times today. But enough of the jokes about Kirstie Alley....

Recent arrivals in Columbus may not realize Carlton Gary was NOT the first person arrested in the Stocking Strangler killings. David Rose says another man was arrested and confessed - but later, he also confessed to killing President Kennedy in 1963. Nowadays, that man still might go to prison for wasting a police officer's time.

David Rose says the fingerprint evidence against Carlton Gary is "deeply suspect," and a purported confession written from memory by a Columbus police detective hours later "wouldn't stand up in a British court." Of course, some British things wouldn't stand up in U.S. courts - such as attorneys wearing white wigs.

David Rose noted Federal Judge Clay Land is a great-nephew of Carlton Gary's trial judge, John Land -- and John Land's father led a lynch mob in Columbus in the early 1900's. Talk about a family conspiracy -- or maybe guilt by DNA chain....

So did Tavis Smiley challenge any of David Rose's claims about the Carlton Gary case? Not in the least. He let Rose tell his story, with no critical words at all. Maybe that's why ABC doesn't even consider Smiley a news analyst anymore.

(At least Tavis Smiley sounded like he read "The Big Eddy Club" - which puts him one step ahead of Larry King.)

Tavis Smiley called the Carlton Gary case "compelling" - but if he's evenhanded, he ought to let the prosecution and police side of the case on his talk show to respond. Even Rush Limbaugh talks a phone call from a Democrat once in a while....

By the way, did you know Carlton Gary once played in a band with Ike and Tina Turner? David Rose revealed that tidbit during the Tavis Smiley interview. Maybe the prosecutors realized that, and tried to send him "Rollin' Up the River."

BLOG UPDATE: Thursday was a historic day in Columbus for several reasons. The price of gasoline hit a milestone record high. A radio station cut the price by a record low amount. And a traffic jam developed downtown during the morning rush hour, with most drivers probably not having the slightest idea why.

The record came early in the morning, when several Columbus gas stations moved the price of regular unleaded above three dollars a gallon. This was certainly one time when a "three" was NOT on anybody's side - except the oil companies, maybe....

In my neighborhood, a popular convenience store jumped from $2.88 a gallon to $3.03. Last week's big 12-cent jump was reduced some during the weekend - and now stores have come back and gone 15 cents higher?! Are they imitating the troop surge in Iraq or something?

It's at times like this when I feel smart for buying and driving compact cars since 1990. Your impressive SUV with a vanity license plate may outrace my humble Honda up a hill - but when I see you at a couple of gas stations, I'll wave while driving by.

Of all the days for the three-dollar barrier to fall in Columbus, it was the day that Davis Broadcasting started a big promotion. A mystery location was selling gas to the first 50 customers for $1.05 a gallon - as in Foxie 105-FM. Here's hoping we never reach the point where WDAK does this, with a discount price of $5.40.

You had to listen to WFXE at 7:00 a.m. to find out where the mystery gas station was. And when the location was announced as the Chevron at 13^th and Veterans Parkway, it did two things. It gained "Foxie 105" a lot of free attention. And it made a crowded crossroads of downtown Columbus something close to Atlanta's downtown connector.

I had forgotten about the $1.05 gas promotion, but it suddenly occurred to me as I headed for work by turning onto Veterans Parkway at Ninth Street. I found myself in a long slow line of cars heading north. For a moment, I thought there was a wreck up ahead - but then I realized the radio station was living up to a nickname: "Foxie 105 Jams."

WRBL later reported the northbound traffic on Veterans Parkway was backed up nine blocks, to the Civic Center. This usually occurs only for southbound traffic, heading to a big college football game like the Fountain City Classic. The only other time it might happen northbound is if Columbus Water Works decided to go out of business.

(No, I didn't wait in line for a chance at $1.05 gasoline. After all, I had to get to work. And I'm still early in the gas tank I pumped last Friday, at $2.76 a gallon. Those country car dealers were right after all - you can drive a little, and save a lot.)

Give Davis Broadcasting credit for coming up with a promotional stunt with a lot of public interest, and showing why Foxie 105 is the top-rated radio station in Columbus. But was 13^th and Veterans Parkway really the right place for this - especially during morning rush hour? Wouldn't the stations on Cusseta Road cooperate?

Davis Broadcasting isn't stopping there, promising another mystery gas special today on WKZJ "K-92.7." This time, the cut-rate gas price will be 92 cents a gallon -- which is only fitting for a radio station which bills itself as "old school."

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now for a reminder that if you want to do a good deed, someone may be watching....

AboutColumbusGA : Message: Re: Georgia Prayer Center- Talbot Resource Center

Why is this woman so worried about the Georgia Prayer Center in Talbot County that is trying to start up a food pantry for those people in their time of need and to help make their lives a little easier and better. I thought that was what she was so proud of in Talbot County.

The Prayer Center's letter in the newspaper stated that their food pantry would not be Opened until August, so what is her problem. This is a mission that is badly needed for Talbot County.

I'm merely linking to the message board item in question, since I'm not allowed to quote from it here. But the woman who oversees that message board is very nit-picky when it comes to people and groups following rules. She's still trying to track down the names of everyone who's ever served on Muscogee County Library Board committees.

One big concern expressed on this message board is the naming of elected officials to the food pantry's Board of Directors. Let's face it, this IS Talbot County - where some people might keep a can count by district, and put a new meaning on the Winn-Dixie "Even It Up" campaigns.

Another message board concern involves the nonprofit status of the Georgia Prayer Center's food pantry. The founding minister apparently is asking for contributions, when proper documents haven't been filed with the state yet. Some ministries would call this a "seed faith" gift - only they'd promise you houses or cars in return.

Keep in mind what happened a year or so ago, when a nursing home for veterans was proposed in Talbot County. The more nearby residents learned about it, the more they opposed it. So it's not merely resistance to a food pantry - people in Talbot County might have problems with a full-fledged supermarket.

This message board overseer wants every detail of the food pantry in order right now, since the founder already is asking for contributions and plans a kickoff prayer event this weekend. If the minister isn't careful, he'll be quoted that Bible verse about God "declaring things not yet as though they already are...."

A prayer-related topic begins our look at other news from Thursday:

+ A federal judge in Atlanta ruled Bibles CANNOT be made exempt from sales taxes. The Georgia General Assembly voted to do that several years ago - perhaps forgetting another verse which says, "render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's."

+ Ground was broken at the Port Columbus museum for a large restored Civil War-era ship, called the "Water Witch." I'm a bit surprised Southern Baptists didn't set up a picket line along Victory Drive....

(You can help raise money for the Port Columbus Water Witch project, by purchasing a plank for 100 dollars. But many people in Columbus may feel more at home driving down the road to Long John Silver - where you can buy several chicken planks for less than ten.)

+ The Garden Club of Georgia warned the official state tree might have to be changed. It fears climate change and warmer temperatures will kill all the live oaks. So? Just change the name to dead oak, and add to the history....

+ The Columbus State softball team lost to Lock Haven 3-0. The Cougars face an elimination game today against the C.W. Post.... well, what IS this team's nickname? The Toasties?

(So you don't get confused: C.W. Post College is the Old C.W. WLGA TV-66 is the New CW.)

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: A personal health update.... and a woman who says birds talk to her....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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17 MAY 07: 20 ACRES AND STUBBORN AS MULES

Wednesday marked the first full day of a "cooling-off period" in Columbus. And as City Manager Isaiah Hugley declared it, a cold front moved through the city with scattered rain. Our City Manager has more power than we thought....

The cooling-off period involves the long-disputed land around the Columbus Public Library. If I understand it correctly, six acres belong to the city. Another 14 acres belong to the Muscogee County School Board. And hundreds of diverse citizens have come to the conclusion all the land really belongs to them.

Columbus Council was expected to vote Tuesday on a budget for remaining money from the 1999 special one-cent sales tax. But the vote was postponed, due to disagreement about what the priorities should be for land around the library. About the only thing everyone agrees on is that Firestone should NOT have a new and improved tire store.

In one corner of the debate is the group which wants the land around the main library turned into "green space," including a park. I'm tempted to call this group The Parkers - except I don't think school board member Linda Parker would want to be connected with it.

Muscogee County Republican Chair Josh McKoon has taken the lead, in the fight for what I'll call "Simple Green." Your blog has seen e-mail he sent to Columbus Council, outlining his reasoning - and most of it goes back to the 1999 campaign to approve a special one-cent sales tax. And I thought I was a packrat, for holding on to old city annual reports.

Josh McKoon's e-mail quotes supporters of the sales tax as saying in 1999, "a green space and a park will find residence alongside the new library." Last time I checked, they hadn't put a single sculpture in front of that building near Macon Road....

But one of the "facts" cited in Josh McKoon's e-mail shows at least one argument for the 1999 sales tax is seriously flawed. He quotes school board member Barbara Pierce as saying the sales tax would "free up money for books." While some new books were purchased for the central library, a lot of old ones vanished - and the religious reference works weren't even donated to Beacon University.

Josh McKoon's e-appeal to Columbus Council includes a petition for the Simple Green approach, which is signed by more than 300 people. The best-known names on the petition include former mayoral candidate Bert Coker and "God Bless Fort Benning" founder Eve Tidwell - even though a park near a library sounds like a great rallying point for S.O.A. Watch protesters.

(A few comments on the Simple Green petition claim once green space is lost, "it can never be regained." Yet another signee notes the disputed area had "nothing but beautiful trees" years ago -- so should several of these names be disqualified, for contradicting each other?)

One thing keeps puzzling me about the Simple Green campaign. Why don't supporters of green space around the central library use the green space that's in the area NOW? Do they use the ball diamond on Rigdon Road, between the old Sears building and Rigdon Road School? Or are they like Harris County residents, and require a two-acre minimum lot?

On the other side of this debate is the group supporting mixed-use development. One petition signer describes the plan as "286 houses on 15 acres," which by my math computes to each house being 48 feet by 48 feet. I guess some people can live comfortably on half a basketball court -- with little patches of green space for playing hopscotch.

(The strange thing is that Phenix City seems thrilled by this sort of approach. They call it the Phenixian development, near the river....)

The proposed mixed-use development would have some businesses, as well as people living near the central library. Critics say no one would want to live near Macon Road and Rigdon Road. This seems illogical, given the expected population growth from BRAC. Besides, gasoline prices keep increasing - since both roads are on METRA bus lines.

City Manager Isaiah Hugley told WRBL Wednesday one issue in the debate is whether the city can afford to have a park near the central library. You may remember a study presented to the school board last year [25 Jul 06], which said green space would cost $200,000 per acre to maintain -- so maybe the trees there should be fruit-producing, to sell along the roadside.

The e-mail from Josh McKoon hints if the mixed-use development approach is approved by Columbus Council, it might be challenged at the Georgia Supreme Court. McKoon explains the "original initiatives" of the sales tax question would be violated. But if a library's already built, isn't 90-percent fulfillment good enough?

Muscogee County School Board member Fife Whiteside said Wednesday the land debate has reached the point where both sides have "deeply entrenched views," and seem to be in no mood to compromise. Can something be worked out, by the next scheduled Columbus Council appearance of May 29? I mean, beyond having everyone go to the Pastoral Institute for counseling....

Perhaps Eve Tidwell has the best idea, in her comment written on the Simple Green petition: "Why can't it be both, small shops that encourage reading.... lots of shade, lots of green grass in squares...." In other words, replicate The Landings -- but add some more trees.

I suspect we'll hear from some readers about this one - and now let's see if other Wednesday news will add to that:

+ A mid-afternoon drive past Fourth Street Baptist Church found lawn/sidewalk watering underway again, at about 2:00 p.m. Georgia state rules only allow outdoor watering between 12:00 midnight and 10:00 a.m. So is this another of those "serendipitous overflow" things?!

+ Former Russell County Commissioner Tillman Pugh commented on the dismissal of the sexual harassment suit against him. Pugh said the the complaint by County Administrator Leann Horne-Jordan was "dismissed without prejudice." If both parties had been of different skin colors, some people might have reached a different conclusion.

+ An attorney wrote in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue lacked the authority to take back his veto of a midyear budget. In other words, the state constitution's rules on vetoes were written before someone invented the "undo" button for computers.

+ WRBL showed the Columbus State women's softball team practicing for the Division II World Series in Ohio - but indoors, on an enclosed college football practice field. This team keeps having new experiences. First some players make their first airplane flight - and now they've been at a college which really plays football.

+ Instant Message to WKCN-FM morning host "Wild Bill": My apologies for not finding this out earlier - but congratulations on your engagement! Does this mean after you're married, you'll become Tame Bill?

(P.S. I'm assuming you bought the engagement ring at Wild Bill's Pawn Shop on Buena Vista Road....)

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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16 MAY 07: WALK WITH THE KINGS

Based on our e-mail, it seems someone took our advice about how to spend Mother's Day - and watched poker on television:

I WAS TICKLED TO DEATH THAT SHANNON ELIZABETH BEAT THE COSTA RICAN MADMAN HUMBERTO BRENES! ! ! !

If you're totally confused by this, let me explain. NBC has been showing the "National Heads-Up Poker Championship" on Sundays, over the last several weeks. It's a one-on-one invitational tournament with "64 elite players" - and I think Shannon Elisabeth is considered "elite" because she's the only young actress who hasn't been in rehab lately.

Shannon Elisabeth has been on an amazing roll at the National Heads-Up Poker Championship - winning four matches in a row, to reach the semifinal round. She seems to think it's because she read the book "The Law of Attraction." As if most single men wouldn't be attracted to her, anyway....

Last Sunday, Shannon Elisabeth indeed beat poker pro Humberto Brenes in the quarterfinals. Brenes is considered a very colorful player -- as he puts on Costa Rica jester hats, jumps around the table and picks at his opponents with a little toy shark. If Brenes was in the National Football League, he'd be fined at least $100,000.

So Shannon Elisabeth goes on to.... what? What's that you're saying? This is The Blog of Columbus, not the Poker Pow-Wow?? Well, have you considered Columbus has developed its own version of a "poker tour?" Those stiff-necked folks at the city government channel simply haven't discovered it yet, to show it to you.

Several Columbus restaurants and bars now have poker nights during the week, where apparently you can enter for free and play for prizes. Playgrounds Magazine has noted even Peach Bowl Lanes has a poker night - and hopefully the regulars realize a 6-10 is much easier to handle in bowling than in poker.

In fact, there's a club with Thursday night "hold 'em poker" within walking distance of my home -- a close enough distance that I think I could walk home safely with a jackpot, without anyone noticing.

I haven't taken that Thursday night walk to play poker yet -- but I'm now prepared to make a confession. I'm getting ready. I've been practicing my poker game for several weeks - although something tells me I'd do better walking over to that club for a karaoke contest.

I've been watching the pros play poker on television for a couple of years - because on cable TV these days, you can dial around and find a poker game at almost any hour of the day or night. Yes, poker has become the new "Law and Order."

The real-life poker practice sessions for me take place online, at Yahoo Games. But I should stop here and clarify one key thing. In case my Pastor's reading this blog, and he occasionally does - I'm NOT betting real money. It's all pretend, and "just for fun." The tithe check will be in the mail this weekend, as usual....

Unlike the TV poker games where players throw out raises of $5,000 or more, the Hold 'em Poker games at Yahoo are quite small. The most you can offer in any round of betting is 20 dollars. This truly lives up to the Georgia Lottery slogan about "playing responsibly."

Yahoo gives you a pretend bankroll of $1,000 to start its casino games. In the early going, I did fairly well in poker - reaching a high of about $1,500 on April 13. I had some up days and some down days. But the down days weren't so far down that I kept playing beyond 30 minutes at a time.

One of my happiest poker afternoons came April 19, when I was dealt a pair of queens - and then two more queens turned up on the table at "the flop." I hadn't been surrounded by so many ladies since I was somehow the only man invited to a dinner with single women in Atlanta 20 years ago.

(For the Internet addicts: you might say I had four awesome queens - or F.A.Q's.)

But sadly, I've had my biggest poker slump so far in the last week. I logged off May 7 with $1,011 - and quit Monday at $561. Maybe I should go find a different online game, which involves investing in Dow Jones stocks.

I think I lost so much at the poker table because I was up against aggressive players - people who don't care how much pretend money they lose. Hopefully these people are a bit more responsible with their credit cards....

After a drop of about 45 percent in my bankroll, I was due for a comeback - and as it happened, Tuesday was the day. In my first hand at the intermediate poker table, I made a full house with three queens and two threes and earned a fast 98 dollars. But I ended the session only up 45 - so Kenny Rogers was right in that old gambling song: you've got to know when to hold them and know when to fold them.

One side benefit of playing online poker is meeting and chatting with people from a wide variety of backgrounds. On Monday, someone alongside me actually had "Aflac" in his online name. Yes, I asked - but that person never typed in a message. So perhaps he was playing while on company time....

As I write this, my pretend wad of cash stands at $606. I certainly don't think I'm ready to drive to Biloxi, or board a gambling boat in Brunswick. But before long, I might be ready to take that short walk to the neighborhood bar - as long as one of the other poker players doesn't spike my diet cola.

Now let's cut the cards (so to speak), and check some more important items from Tuesday's news:

+ Columbus Council heard a proposal for a gates community near Rigdon Park. It would have 800 units for "active retired" people - and won't it be fun to see them racing motorized wheelchairs in the street on weekend afternoons?

+ Columbus Police reported a funnel cake machine was stolen from the new International Flea Market on Tenth Avenue. This is the most obvious sign yet that people miss Riverfest.

+ WRBL reported the sexual harassment suit by Russell County Administrator Leeann Horne-Jordan against former County Commissioner Tillman Pugh was dismissed. The case was about to start in federal court - but perhaps a judge finally noticed Pugh wasn't in office anymore.

+ The evening news interviewed Rome baseball announcer Josh Caray. He's the son of Atlanta's Chip Caray, the grandson of Skip -- and he's probably thankful he wasn't nicknamed Flip.

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: The jokes for today officially have concluded - but you're welcome to read on for some personal reflections on the news.)

BUT SERIOUSLY: At the very opposite end of the spectrum from playing poker, it was sobering to learn Tuesday of the death of Pastor/political activist Jerry Falwell. Admittedly, not everyone was sobered by it. One young woman in an office asked who he was, and another gave a one-word response: "nut."

A response like that shows how divisive Jerry Falwell could be. People who knew who he was had no middle ground about him. They either loved him for endorsing moral stands and conservative values - or they loathed him for being as "old-fashioned" as a basic male-female marriage.

Yet I look back on the life of Jerry Falwell and think I'm actually on middle ground. I agree with parts of his preaching and doctrines. I don't agree with other parts. And I wonder if he ever met a Democrat he actually liked.

I watched a variety of religious TV shows during my teenage years. Jerry Falwell's "Old Time Gospel Hour" was one of them, at 8:00 on Sunday mornings. At first he seemed old-fashioned to me as well, as he preached often against the Equal Rights Amendment. But he dared to quote the Bible for much of what he preached - and since local ministers around me didn't do that very often, that challenged my thinking.

(Our family actually was on the Jerry Falwell mailing list for awhile, as I ordered one of his free bicentennial Liberty Bell lapel pins. Sadly, I lost that thing -- and Falwell lost us, when he demanded a donation to continue receiving his newsletter.)

Jerry Falwell and other broadcast preachers helped mold the moral thinking I have today. But Falwell always struck me as toeing the edge of what a "minister" ought to do. He could come across as a Bible know-it-all, certain he'd never lose at anything he did. But he did that based on faith - and looking back, more of his big dreams came true than fell apart.

But Jerry Falwell finally went over the edge for me during the 1990's, when his weekly "Old-Time Gospel Hour" turned into one-hour infomercials for efforts to impeach President Clinton. When he quoted mysterious Arkansas State Patrol officers more than the Bible, something didn't seem quite right.

Jerry Falwell's weekly telecast now is called "Live from Liberty," and recent broadcasts on WYBU TV-16 suggest his son Jonathan will carry on the ministry he started. But modern history shows the sons of legendary preachers don't tend to be as successful as the fathers. Sons tend to be milder in their views -- perhaps realizing that warming up modern-day crusty honey bottles only melts plastic.

(Did you notice how the CBS Evening News handled Jerry Falwell's death Tuesday night? I was stunned to see it receive 13 minutes of newscast time - the entire first and last sections. If Dan Rather saw that, I hope a CPR specialist was nearby to revive him.)

One interview I saw of Jerry Falwell Tuesday night showed him wishing more pastors would be controversial, and speak their minds. I've known ministers with views just as strong as Falwell's -- but wishing no one outside the church building knew what they said.

Whatever your opinion of Jerry Falwell, he exercised both freedom of speech and freedom of religion as fully as he could. To him, the Bill of Rights was more than a historical document - it provided instructions for how to live as a U.S. citizen. Even if he didn't always like how some newspapers and TV networks handled freedom of the press....

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15 MAY 07: TRASH TALK

A meeting in downtown Columbus Monday focused on an important local issue, which has been lurking out of the spotlight for a long time. It's nice to see race relations in the city have healed at last, because the big topic of the day was littering.

Columbus Police brought community leaders together to announce a new crackdown across Georgia on littering. At least the state had enough decency to delay this announcement until two months after the tornadoes in Columbus and Americus.

The theme for the new crackdown across Georgia is "Litter: It costs you." Imagine if we were in Singapore. The slogan could be, "Litter: It costs you one to five years."

So how does litter cost you? The Georgia Department of Transportation estimates it spends $14 million a year, to pick up litter along highways that's left by trucks. The good news is that most of the litter probably is recycled -- as rubber from one blown-out retread tire is turned into another.

(You mean the $14 million cleanup bill is only for litter left by truckers?! I'd imagine the losing lottery tickets I find along the side of the road cost at least twice that much.)

A top official with "Keep Columbus Beautiful" explained it's important not to litter, because all the trash lowers property values. And in a city with a property tax freeze, there's no fringe benefit once a year....

Columbus Police seem serious about enforcing the litter laws. One officer said there would be a "zero tolerance" policy -- which means countless outdoor weddings this summer will have to switch from confetti for the newlyweds to bubble baths.

Columbus Police didn't give an exact amount, but they made it sound like the fine for littering could run in the hundreds or thousands of dollars. And with officers hungry for that pay raise proposed by Mayor Wetherington, I wouldn't ask one about the maximum.

I learned in my youth to throw trash and litter in the appropriate places - or if possible, to avoid picking up trash in the first place. That's why you don't find any talk about supermarket tabloid headlines in this blog....

But as someone who uses trash cans on a regular basis, I have to ask - is this police crackdown really necessary? After all, officers admit they'll have to catch you in the act of throwing litter out a car window. And the last few weeks have shown police have trouble catching speeders on Moon Road.

Some people certainly need to learn the habit of NOT tossing litter from their car. More than once, I've driven behind someone who threw a sparking cigarette butt out the window - as if he's using his ashtray to hide his stash of illegal drugs, and he wants me to keep my distance.

But in Columbus, we already have several anti-litter projects. The late Lonnie Jackson started the Combined Communities of Southeast Columbus cleanup campaign -- yet that area apparently still has so much litter, the drive takes two months every year.

There's also the one-day "Help the Hooch" cleanup along the riverside every fall. Are Columbus Police going to patrol the Riverwalk on bicycles, too? What if someone tries to feed the ducks which waddle around South Commons?

Then there's the "Adopt-a-Highway" campaign, where groups volunteer to remove trash from one mile of a highway on a regular basis. Of course, litter already costs these groups - in terms of not sleeping in, on a couple of Saturday mornings.

Don't forget the city of Columbus uses prison inmates to clean up roadsides, including mowing grass and collecting litter. I've met a couple of people who actually brag about leaving stuff along the side of the street, to give those criminals something to do.

There's been more environmental "green" talk in this country since Earth Day than I've heard in years. But I fear this anti-litter drive by Columbus Police isn't going to amount to much. And if a high-speed chase develops when police spot a litterbug, the resulting trash along the roadside might wind up costing even more.

Now let's set a good example, and pick up other scraps of news from Monday:

+ Several Columbus gas stations which took back Friday's 12-cent price hike tried again, this time going up only six cents a gallon. C'mon, guys - no hardline Democrat in Congress would settle for a compromise like that.

+ The Muscogee County School Board discussed whether to create a "fine arts magnet school" for grades 6-12. Maybe I'm confused about this - but don't children begin using magnets for fine art much earlier? It's called Etch-a-Sketch....

(There's an old feud between teachers at Columbus and Hardaway High Schools, over which one ought to be a fine arts magnet. If this comes down to a school board showdown, Columbus should have the advantage - because it's won state titles in one-act dramas.)

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported the first "CharBroil Steakhouse" will open within weeks on U.S. 280 in Phenix City. They're actually going to have a building for this?! Why not set up some grills in the parking lot, and have nothing but drive-through lanes?

(If there's any justice, the first employees hired at the CharBroil Steakhouse will be people who used to build actual CharBroils in Columbus -- or did they all find mill jobs, after production was moved to China?)

+ WRBL reported an alert has been issued at the Sugar Mill Apartments on Schomberg Road, because an alligator could be in the complex's lake. These University of Florida fans finally have gone too far....

+ Weeks of wonder on my part were resolved, when I discovered former WRBL reporter Megan Bradley is now with the "News 14" cable channel in North Carolina. She joins former Columbus TV reporter Gretchen Bartelt and meteorologist Joshua McKinney there - so if a new investigation of Bill Heard Chevrolet suddenly begins, you'll know why.

+ Columbus State University's softball team outmuscled Armstrong Atlantic State 8-4, to win its regional. The Cougars advance to the Division II national championship tournament in Akron, Ohio - but please, don't ask the players to take any soap box cars with them for practice sessions.

(The Most Outstanding Player of the regional tournament was C.S.U. pitcher Rachael Darr. Put her together with head coach Tiffany Tootle, and you have a team that's Darr-Tootl'in.)

+ Instant Message to Healing Stream Ministries on 13^th Avenue: Did I read your flier right - your conference which opened Monday night has "five days of serendipitous overflow?" Has Columbus Water Works been made aware of this?

COMING WEDNESDAY: E-mail about a "madman" from Costa Rica....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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for 14 MAY 07: HE'LL GRANT YOU THAT

Bob Corwin is a writer, a bit like me. But he admits he's at his limit on grasping technology, so he doesn't have time for blogs. That also makes him a bit like me -- because the only "Blackberry" I really understand involves preserves.

You probably wouldn't know who Bob Corwin is unless you're a careful reader of this blog. He's a grant writer, who prepares applications and paperwork for small cities across Alabama. One of them happens to be Hurtsboro - so he's trying to improve the town where he doesn't live, even if residents supposedly are bailing out to save their lives.

I called Bob Corwin for this Hurtsboro Monday, because his name was dropped by Russell County Constable R.J. Schweiger in a couple of recent e-mails. Here are the excerpts:

Mayor Tarver, Bob Corwin is not your friend! He is in it for the commission - and the commission only! [16 Apr]

Bob Corwin is a Grant Writer who has successive failures in getting worthwhile Grants for The Hurtsboro Water Board. [30 Apr]

Wow, Corwin's a bit like me again. I've had "successive failures" in business during this decade. But I forgot to ask him how it feels to be a failure - perhaps because he was still working.

Instead, I started by asking Bob Corwin about his work with the city of Hurtsboro. He clarified one puzzle in my mind, by saying a recently-awarded state grant for new park equipment does NOT require matching funds. But if you want to donate a couple of basketballs for the new goals, I doubt anyone would object.

Bob Corwin revealed only last Friday, Hurtsboro City Hall was contacted by the state of Alabama regarding the "community enhancement grant" for park equipment. The bidding process for the work now will begin - and if all goes well, the new equipment will be ready for use in October or November. Just in time for hunters to use it for target practice?!

Bob Corwin probably has been working some late nights recently. That's because Tuesday is the deadline to file requests for Alabama community development block grants. Corwin actually is a consultant for several cities, and was preparing papers for three different places when I called. He must be one of those rare men who really looks at maps.

Without my even asking, Bob Corwin offered details of how his consulting business works. He says he's paid an "eight to 12 percent administrative fee" only if a grant request is approved. For Hurtsboro's park equipment grant of about $130,000, that computes to at least $10,000. A few of those fees, and this writer could make more money than Tim Chitwood.

Bob Corwin left the impression the grant process in Alabama is very competitive, with dozens of cities applying for limited state funds. Sometimes a city gets what it wants, while sometimes it doesn't. So Constable Schweiger may look at the Water Board grant proposals, and conclude Corwin is a local version of Mike Shula.

After discussing the grant process for a few minutes, I had to bring up the man who referred me to Bob Corwin. Corwin chose his words carefully at first about Constable R.J. Schweiger, explaining he wanted to be polite. I'm not sure that would stop other people in Hurtsboro....

But anyway: Bob Corwin finally said R.J. Schweiger called him early in the grant-writing process for the park equipment. Corwin recalls Schweiger asked all sorts of questions about how much money he would be paid, questions he considered "inappropriate." It's not like Corwin was being asked to pitch for the New York Yankees.

Bob Corwin said R.J. Schweiger challenged several details of the grant request for park equipment in Hurtsboro. Schweiger claimed the park was NOT on city property, when it was. He claimed the park was in a flood plain, when it wasn't. And he sent a state agency pictures of rundown concrete benches in the park - which Corwin says actually helped Hurtsboro get the grant, not lose it.

Corwin told me if he wanted, he could sue R.J. Schweiger for some of the Constable's critical statements. Schweiger openly has suspected Corwin only cares about his cut from a city grant -- to which Corwin said: "He needs to be thumped in the head. Get real!" Personally, I'd wait until the Constable stands close to some fresh watermelons....

Bob Corwin says R.J. Schweiger has "illusions of grandeur" when it comes to Hurtsboro, perhaps because of his office as Constable. Corwin adds Schweiger has become a "troublemaker" in the town, by considering himself a "big fish in a small pond." And if that pond is in a flood plain, he may risk getting swept away someday.

Bob Corwin left no doubt that he thinks R.J. Schweiger is hurting Hurtsboro more than he's helping. Corwin noted the city needs plenty of help, since it's the only incorporated city in Russell County besides Phenix City. For instance, did you notice Hurtsboro lost out on that combined city-county animal shelter?

So what does the alleged troublemaker have to say about Hurtsboro this week? The Constable e-mailed us again since last Monday....

Richard:

I appreciate your words of caution about naming events [4 May]. I never gave a thought to it - but your words can be distorted in many ways. I've been there and done that - I really can spell Mayor if I consult my thesaurus - but in this instance I feel that m"Mare" is quite appropriate! But consider the source; it's only the opinion of an unstable Con - or so it's written.

I got a report from a reliable source on the latest Council meeting. It seems that plans for the "Park" are going ahead full steam. The City Attorney made one of his rare appearances - and they all rejoiced over the fact that I was the only one who made a written complaint. I wonder where Joan York was? She and many others were totally in accord with me when I tried to intercede with the Dept' of Economic Development. Oh well - that's water over the dam.

I was overjoyed when "someone" in "Hurt'sboro decided to BLOG! But I had my doubts that it would be effective. So far I've been right - the page is difficult to reach and has produced nothing but drivel! That's the way we do things in "Hurt'sboro.

I read with amusement some of the things Mr. Ounti had to say about me. One remark in particular caught my eye. Mr. Ounti stated; "I hear the Constable always keeps an ace up his sleeve." Well, not to disappoint him, I have this in reply. Things are rather dormant right now - but rest assured that there are at least two surprises coming up soon!"

Constable R.J. Schweiger

Yes, my words CAN be distorted - but in more than four years, I don't think any politicians have claimed I endorsed their campaign.

We did not hear from the mysterious "Russell C. Ounti" in the last week. Perhaps he already had those 41-cent postage stamps you need beginning today - and he didn't want to waste two valuable pennies, writing us too soon.

But hold on a minute - check that quote from Mr. Ounti again, about how the Constable "keeps an ace up his sleeve." That's indeed a paraphrase from one of his letters, but we have NOT posted that quote here! Hmmm - have we caught R.J. Schweiger with something else up his sleeve? Like perhaps a split personality?

BLOG UPDATE: So how was your Mother's Day? Without planning to do so, I wound up Sunday in a place with a good bit of "Mom Madness." That's what happens when the supermarkets open before noon, while most of the big department stores don't.

As I walked into Publix at Cross Country Plaza shortly after 11:00 a.m., a couple of people were carrying out big Mother's Day balloons. At a table near the door, a staff member was helping a child decorate a heart-shaped cake. Only later did I think of doing the same thing - to celebrate watching poker on TV.

(Uh-oh - I've seen cases in Columbus of grocery stores selling meat and milk past their expiration dates. Were those heart-shaped cakes kept in a freezer for the last three months?)

I only needed a couple of items at Publix, but the checkout lanes were busy for a Sunday morning. A well-dressed woman in green was right in front of me in the "Express Lane," but she clearly had more than ten items in her basket. If she was a mother, someone should have given her remedial math lessons.

(Yes, I counted how many items were in the woman's basket. The Express Lanes at Publix don't have magazine racks to distract me with more important things - like whether Tom Cruise is going to dump Katie Holmes for Jennifer Aniston.)

The attendant at Publix didn't stop the woman in green for having too many items in the Express Lane - and I decided to bite my tongue and say nothing. After all, it was Mother's Day and she might be a mother. And she had a couple of young men with her, whom you'd think could help her count.

Now for some other things we noticed around town this weekend:

+ Several Columbus gas stations reversed the 12-cent price hike of Friday, falling back to the $2.76 range. I'm sorry, but I can't believe the regional softball tournament at South Commons brought in that many thousands of fans.

+ An early-morning Riverwalk run was my most "normal" workout in weeks. It wasn't spectacular in distance, but at least I had no pain in my lungs or side when I took deep breaths. And on Sunday morning, the only congestion in my corner of Columbus was in my nose and lungs.

+ Instant Message to Fourth Street Baptist Church: I meant to bring this up Sunday - but why did you have sprinklers running at 6:00 p.m. Saturday night? When it was raining a little? And the sprinklers seemed to be pointing more toward a parking lot?

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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13 MAY 07: BEAT THE CLOCK

If you remember an old TV game show with this title, you're showing your age. But if that's how you felt at times this weekend - join the crowd. In parts of Columbus, timing was everything. And I don't mean showing up late to the Chattahoochee Valley Community College commencement....

Case #1: Gas prices took a 12-cent jump in much of Columbus Friday afternoon, to the neighborhood of $2.88 a gallon. The first station to post regular unleaded at three dollars or higher should win a prize -- like a parade of drivers rolling around the store, but not stopping.

I noticed this gas price jump as I drove down Victory Drive. The price was $2.87 across from the Civic Center - but on down the road, it was lower. I pulled into a Spectrum at North Lumpkin Road showing $2.76. And I was just in time, as the manager walked out to change the price as I filled up! Maybe I should change careers, and start trading stock options.

"Thanks for waiting a few minutes," I told the manager as he adjusted the magnetic numbers on the gas sign. It was a good thing I paid at the pump - because if I had walked inside and left a credit card first, the staff members might have programmed the change while I stood in line.

By the way: you may have received e-mail urging you NOT to buy gas on Tuesday, in a protest of high prices. If you really think this is going to work, I have a question -- why isn't there a big slump on the day after Christmas?

Case #2: Postage rates officially go up today. A first-class stamp now costs 41 cents -- but give the Postal Service a bit of a break. At least they tell you the increase is coming well in advance, instead of pulling a surprise at 2:00 on a Friday afternoon.

I paid off my bills in record time over the last few days, to beat the increase in postage rates. Two credit card bills came Thursday, and they went out to the mailbox Friday. The natural gas bill arrived Friday, and it went out Saturday. If any bills arrive Monday, I'm going to assume those places are conspiring with the Postal Service.

The race to save money on postage continued right up to Saturday afternoon. I handle the "tape ministry" at church, and had to duplicate six cassettes of the sermon to mail to places across the South and Midwest. Our machinery only handles one tape at a time, so it made me feel a bit like a NASCAR pit crew.

The duplication went quickly, and the main post office is within a mile of where we worship - so I was able to drop off the tapes before the outside mailbox "last call" time of 5:45 p.m. I seldom ever say this publicly, but I'd like to thank my Pastor for ending his sermon on time and saving the church about 50 cents.

(It was quite a sacrifice, to duplicate those tapes - because it was "potluck day" at church. By the time I finally reached the buffet tables, the fried chicken was gone. Sometimes you have to simply be thankful for chicken salad, without the bread for a sandwich.)

Case #3: "Is that rain I'm hearing?" the Pastor asked late in his sermon. It actually was thunder, but a bit of rain came minutes later - so does that prove he has the gift of prophecy?

Some welcome rain came to the Columbus area Saturday - and in fact, I knew it was coming. I noted to friends at church the Southeastern Conference softball tournament is underway in Auburn, while the NCAA Division II regional softball tournament is in progress at South Commons. And as local residents know, there's nothing like a big softball event around here to bring a rainstorm.

The church service ended just in time for me to hurry out to the car and close the "heat release" crack in my window. It also allowed me to bring in the brownies I left in the car all afternoon - since brownies are better when they're warm, you know.

It turned out the Pastor had brought an umbrella to the service. You know we're in a region-wide drought when someone carrying an umbrella is considered an optimist....

(I tried to mention that to the Pastor's wife, but she had another concern on her mind. The umbrella was on top of a piano - and she told me: "He's going to forget that thing.")

Hopefully this rain came in time to save some crops for area farmers. Georgia Agriculture Commissioner Tommy Irvin said the other day this is the worst drought he's seen in 38 years - and as they might say on TV, it just isn't great if it's the worst in 38.

Case #4: This one doesn't apply to me, but it seemed the traffic was a bit heavier around Columbus Park Crossing Saturday. Either people were rushing to get Mother's Day gifts, or Hooter's was rebroadcasting that beauty contest which was on TV the other night.

Here's hoping all mothers have a nice day today. And for the singles like me whose mothers have departed and who don't have families, you know the drill. Avoid all the restaurants - and enjoy the National Heads-Up Poker Championship at 12:00 noon.

Case #5: Did you see Don Boynton on the Saturday night news? He received a degree in political science from Columbus State University - at age 77! If he'd waited any longer to work toward a degree, C.S.U. might have gone ahead and made him a history teacher.

(It's tempting to say Don Boynton took that old Bonnie Raitt song seriously - but I think "Scared We'll Run Out of Time" is more of a national anthem for yuppies.)

E-MAIL UPDATE: Last weekend an e-mailer made a number of complaints about a Columbus "megachurch." Now we have a point-by-point reply:

As an insider who was directed to this site to read the lies and slander beging told of Pastor Bill Purvis, I'd like to respond.

One writer is correct, Bill Purvis will probably never read a blog. However, my neighbor knows I am employed by a professional firm with information about him, so she asked my view. I believe that the writer named Mrs. Owens is very, very close to the truth in her response.

Now, to address some of the slander...

What if Pastor Purvis was not even at the Ritz Carlton in North Georgia on a retreat with staff almost 2 years ago but was instead speaking for the New York Life Insurance Company in Macon, GA at the time alleged, and upon arrival to Columbus he conducted a funeral for a young man whom he'd led to Christ, that died in his parents home. All of this can be verified by all church staff, the employees of the insurance company, and the family of the deceased. Would this make the accusations against him now true or false? How reliable is his accuser now?

What if when Pastor Purvis discovered that one of his top staff did take several staff to the Ritz-Carlton, that person is no longer employed at the Church, he was angered by the misconduct enough to pay the bill himself? How reliable is the accuser now?

What if Pastor Purvis personally paid for the New York trip which aired the RealTime broadcast with his own personal credit card from his own funds? I suspect the accuser himself enjoyed the benefits since only they could have known this. How credible is his accuser now?

What if Pastor Purvis' wife, who drove a Chevy for the past 5 years, received a large settlement from her deceased father's estate last year when his second wife died and she chose to buy a 2005 Hummer for herself? (we handled it) Why is that a sin? How reliable is his accuser now?

What if Pastor Purvis, whose personal company with one product alone distributing several thousand monthly leadership materials to subscribers at $15.00 a month (do the math here: 1,000=$15,000, 2,000=$30,000) generated much of his income, would that be a sin? I personally think it's very smart and wish I would have thought of it myself.

What if Pastor Purvis, who's known to be one of the highest tithers in his church and one of the most generous givers in the area, still lived well below his means and ability, would that be worth anything to anyone?

What if I knew for a fact that he has paid a price in many ways to help people either financially, spiritually, in loss of privacy and other ways, and has turned away larger opportunities for "career" moves, is that worth anything?

What if the accuser, who is deliberately attacking a person who led a church from 32 people to its present state, had instead chosen to do something worthwhile with their own life?

S. Brown

It's nice to see someone had time to research all these points. With so many issues coming up here, I was about to wonder if Pastor Bill Purvis was planning to run for Mayor of Hurtsboro.

I didn't realize Bill Purvis was in such demand as a speaker that he'd appear before a life insurance company. After all, isn't he supposed to be preaching about a different sort of "life insurance" -- one that's eternal, and money can't buy?

So it's Debbie Purvis who drives a Hummer?! How many Army wives does she attract to Bible studies from Fort Benning with that - or is the family grocery bill that big?

(There are some people who might point fingers at Debbie Purvis for having a Hummer - the ones who say Christians should be environmentally conscious, and drive fuel-efficient vehicles. Yet I'm still looking for a church with a big wall of electric plugins in the parking lot.)

Yes, it's smart of Pastor Bill Purvis to sell a product to subscribers for 15 dollars a month. I tried to sell something like this blog a few years ago for five dollars a month, and it flopped - so maybe I offered too big a discount.

We'll see if this reply stops the debate, or only fuels more. But related to it, an Instant Message to whomever is spreading stories about a "pending trial" involving an extortion plot against Cascade Hills Church or Bill Purvis: Why is there NO record of the case at the District Attorney's office? Or did you think no one would bother to check?

Let's move on to other topics - and Mrs. Purvis should be careful about how fast she drives her Hummer:

Woodland ,GA is notorious for being a speed trap for years..Guess what county Woodland is in?....If you guessed Talbot you are right...To be safe in Woodland go 10mph below the posted speed limit,but then again the swat team might get you for going too slow...

So is Woodland where that Talbotton City Councilor was stopped for speeding and drunk driving several weeks ago? Has anyone from Woodland been stopped in Talbotton since then - to spark an exchange on the order of Israeli and Palestinian prisoners?

Our last e-mail may have been dampened a bit by Saturday's storms:

I'm sure you saw this, but just in case ...

Two days after CSU is reported (by our correspondent) for watering violations, they are announced as the host of a water conservation forum.

From the Ledger

"A third series of town hall meetings to discuss the statewide water planning effort includes meetings this month in Columbus and Albany.

The meetings, conducted by The Georgia Water Council, also will give the public an opportunity to ask questions about the Comprehensive State Water Management Plan being developed and to offer comment on the project.

The Columbus meeting will be 6-8 p.m. Tuesday, May 29, at Columbus State University's Founders Hall, 4225 University Ave."...

Glad you are on the mend. Sorry that you've been keeping all the water in your lungs, I could use it on my tomatoes.

Bruce

Perhaps the water conservation meeting will be BYOB - bring your own bucket.

The good news is that I'm healing well - and I didn't cough much at all Saturday. In fact, I think I sneezed more than I coughed. Eating one bag of microwave popcorn seemed to give me a cold - so I hope it wasn't seasoned with any of that strange plastic stuff from China.

As for that fluid on my lungs: I'm really hoping no crimes occur in my neighborhood for a while. I've left so much spit on lawns around my home, Columbus police detectives could find my DNA almost anywhere.

Now let's check other items, on a weekend when sports seemed to grab my attention more than anything:

+ The Columbus Chamber of Commerce held its annual golf tournament. I haven't heard who won - but I assume Mike Gaymon was near the top, thanks to plenty of "gimmes" from Chamber members seeking discounts.

+ The Columbus Lions lashed Augusta 56-37, to take a three-game lead in indoor football. One Augusta player was so upset by a tackle on a kickoff that he punched a Columbus player in the face. How you can confuse hockey with indoor football, I have no idea....

+ Basketball legend Dominique Wilkins signed autographs at a bank on Bradley Park Drive. He's probably grown used to this routine - if only for the children he's fathered in several N.B.A. cities.

+ Major league baseball had an unusual "all-Columbus" moment, when Toronto's Frank Thomas homered off Tampa Bay pitcher Edwin Jackson. If Thomas can remain a designated hitter another ten years, he might get to do the same thing off Kyle Carter.

+ Hardaway High School champion wrestler Brandon Porter signed a scholarship commitment with Iowa's Waldorf College. I hope someone told him that's NOT where the fancy top-dollar hotel is....

+ Away from sports, our "Burkard Bulk Mail Index" of spam dropped below the 3,000 mark. The number hasn't been this low in years. Are spam filters and e-mail laws working that much better - or am I the only person in the U.S. who hasn't bought a look-alike Rolex watch?

COMING MONDAY: Why one man says a local elected official "needs to be thumped on the head...."

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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11 MAY 07: RUMORS GONE WILD

"They're lying to the parents," several women complained Thursday. When these women are NOT talking about their own children, maybe the American family is in better shape than many of us think....

Several parents were upset Thursday with what happened at Smiths Station High School. To hear the Lee County Sheriff and school officials talk, not much happened at all. But some parents were sure something bad either already happened, or was about to happen. I wonder how many of these parents haven't flown on a plane since September 2001?!

The official version of events goes like this: There was a RUMOR Wednesday that a certain student MIGHT bring a weapon to Smiths Station High School Thursday. Extra law officers were waiting Thursday morning to meet the student - but a check turned up nothing unusual. The student might have even carried all his/her textbooks.

The official version of events claims there was NO lockdown at Smiths Station High School, and NO guns found. But that didn't stop students and parents from spreading stories to the contrary, and accusing the Lee County School District of a cover-up. If school officials wanted to hide bad news, wouldn't they somehow "lose" the annual test scores?

All sorts of wild unconfirmed rumors spread around the families of Smiths Station High School Thursday. One claimed there was a Myspace page threatening, "the rednecks are going to get even for what the freaks started." Of course, this could have referred to Dale Earnhardt Junior splitting from his family's NASCAR team.

One man even claimed his brother had seen the confiscated gun at Smiths Station High. How could he, if none was found? Did a Lee County Sheriff's Deputy clean out a holster for a moment?

Several parents claimed barricades were up at Smiths Station High School, well after Lee County Sheriff Jay Jones declared things were "back to normal." But TV reports didn't show any of them - so maybe people drove by the running track, and misunderstood the hurdles.

The panic by some Smiths Station parents seems to be a classic case of believing reports from students, as opposed to school officials. Let's be honest here -- teenagers don't always tell stories accurately. Hopefully they aren't the ones who plan to go on to become newspaper reporters.

(I remember one call in the late 1990's from a Columbus father, whose child had told him another teenager was murdered with a bag of horseshoes. Police later announced a more "ordinary" weapon was used - as if anyone younger than 40 carries around horseshoes to play games anymore.)

But the concerned Smiths Station parents had another related concern: they couldn't get through to the high school, to get a straight answer about what was happening. Maybe next time, the high school should order all available students into the office at these moments of panic - to answer phones.

Please don't misunderstand: it's one thing to be a concerned parent -- but it's another to let that concern go over the edge, to the point of paranoia. It was interesting that several Smiths Station callers spreading rumors wouldn't give their names, out of fear their children might not be allowed to graduate. If a gunman won't get you, the School Board will?!

(Remember, this same sort of gun rumor happened only three weeks ago at Valley High School in Chambers County. No weapon was found there, either - but we've sadly reached the point where some parents fear the very worst, even beyond the report card.)

The strange thing is that all the concerned calls about weapons came from Smiths Station High School - but NONE came from Opelika, where a gun actually was found Thursday at West Forest Intermediate School. I never even heard about a lockdown in Opelika. There was only a "lock-up," of a 12-year-old.

There WAS a high school with a lockdown Thursday -- but it was a long way from Lee County. Boulder High School in Colorado canceled class, after a cafeteria cook reported seeing two mysterious men wearing camouflage. Colorado must be having a heat wave, if they weren't wearing trench coats.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now from schools, to our Thursday topic of school zones....

Richard,

In relation to the man who got a ticket for speeding in a school zone during spring break, a co-worker of an aunt of mine once got a ticket for speeding through a school zone at 11:30 p.m. The officer's explanation was....no matter what time of the day, it's still a school zone. Eleven-thirty in the p.m. is too late for night school attendees even if they have to stay after school.

Larry

Phenix City

Perhaps the rules for speed limits in school zones vary from place to place. I tend to assume they're always more strictly enforced in smaller towns - because the town budget needs every dollar it can find.

Speaking of safe driving....

Why isn't the BOE or the BOC of Talbot County, not taking any action to have this person removed from his duties, they must think this is the role model we need for our Children in Talbot County? I think our Governor should be asking why too.

This writer attached an article from Wednesday's Ledger-Enquirer. Talbotton City Councilor Frederick Cotton was arrested March 31, on speeding and drunk driving charges. Why this took five weeks to become public knowledge is a mystery to.... well, maybe it's not. Things move a little slower in Talbotton - at least the rumors do.

Frederick Cotton wears many hats in Talbotton - as not only a City Councilor, but an assistant principal at a charter school and an assistant director of the Talbot County Recreation Department. If he's that busy, this at least might give him an excuse for the speeding....

The article claims the March 31 marked the fourth drunk driving charge against Frederick Cotton - so he asked the state trooper who pulled him over to give him a break. Then Cotton reportedly called a Talbot County Deputy Sheriff, in hopes he could intervene. I guess he misplaced District Attorney Gray Conger's phone number.

It appears the Talbot County Commission will take no action against Frederick Cotton - and the man in charge of the charter school won't, either. He told the Ledger-Enquirer Cotton's alleged crimes occurred on "his personal time." Let's all hope Cotton doesn't try to hire one of The Sopranos.

Can Georgia's Governor intervene, in the matter of an elected city official like Frederick Cotton? I'm not sure if state law allows that. Besides, the midyear budget he just signed barely has enough money for the District Attorney to investigate any crime which occurs in June.

Here's one more message, about driving and more:

Thank you, thank you, thank you for Columbus not giving River Road Steak House a renewal on their Liquor License.

The combination of Spring Harbor, folks visiting Spring Harbor and that "Steakhouse" which dared to even have "knuckleheadz" on the flashing sign...was a deadly combination waiting to happen.

.... and for the red camaro that slammed into the car on Hilton.....stop signs are a good thing. and no matter what you told your parents it was oh so very your fault.

Now, now - I will NOT bring up Paris Hilton's legal problems in this blog....

I've never been to the River Road Steak House -- but the restaurant was controversial when it opened, because it was on the site of the old Knuckleheadz bar. Residents of the neighborhood feared it would become a trouble spot. Now it's apparently leading retired people into scandal, with the special burgundy sauce on its steaks.

Other e-mails will be held for another day - as now we need to wrap up some other Thursday headlines:

+ Columbus and Phenix City announced an agreement, allowing water to be "borrowed" in case of emergencies. So if every Phenix City school decides to have a fund-raising car wash on the same day, they're ready....

+ WRBL reported Columbus police completed a month-long sweep on the south side of town. It ended with 142 arrests, on 312 different charges -- and imagine if an undercover detective followed me around, as I came across beggars.

+ A WXTX investigation revealed the Phenix City library has lacked effective Internet filters on its public access computers. Young people could call up all kinds of X-rated web sites. But the library's doing something about that - and with two X's in its name, the Fox-54 web site may be off-limits from now on.

+ Glenwood won the AISA state baseball title, by flattening Faith Academy 12-6. Somewhere in Seale, the Russell County head coach must be wishing all those faculty members never had been arrested - because his team could have been so much better.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.76 a gallon at Spectrum on Fourth Street.... mailing all letters Friday, before postage rates jump on Sunday.... and holding doors open for any woman who even looks like a possible mother....

COMING THIS WEEKEND: The latest in the Cascade Hills debate....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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10 MAY 07: ZONE DEFENSE

"I got a speeding ticket," the man admitted to several people at church the other day. This is a congregation which doesn't have one of those little private rooms, for spilling these things out on a minister....

Speeding tickets happen all the time, you say?! Well, this man described his ticket as a bit unusual. "He got me for going over the speed limit in a school zone -- which I was, only it was spring break." A break for students and teachers, maybe -- but apparently not for police.

This man explained he was driving to work one morning in early April, when a Columbus police officer stopped him for going 42 miles per hour in a school zone. But the Muscogee County School spring break was the first week in April. Why would school zone rules apply, when school is out of session? Unless Youth Detention Center students were there for a field trip....

Some of the man's friends told him he should fight the speeding ticket in court. For instance: were there flashing school zone lights on a day when school is out of session? Most Muscogee County schools are good about keeping them off -- to save those energy costs for expensive bus fuel.

Besides, were any children around the school on a morning during spring break? Wouldn't most of them still be in bed at around 7:30 a.m.? And if they're awake, wouldn't they be corrupting themselves by watching "The Daily Buzz" on TV-66?

But to borrow from an old song, this man decided NOT to "fight the powers that be." He chose to pay the ticket for around $120 -- in part because he actually DID break the speed limit for a school zone. A guilt complex can be a police officer's best friend....

This speeder also may not have wanted to go through the trouble of going to traffic court. But I've heard stories over the years of offenders getting out of their tickets, because law officers failed to show up for the hearings. As the late Johnnie Cochran might have put it: If police don't show, you're good to go.

As it happens, the Wednesday evening news also focused on school zones - but on the opposite side of the issue. It found people sometimes drive 15 miles over the speed limit on school days, near Sherwood Elementary in Phenix City. This is the WRONG way of encouraging students to run for exercise.

Phenix City schools apparently used to have crossing guards, but they were eliminated in a budget cut a couple of years ago. So why aren't students trained to do it? That's what happened in my old grade school years ago - and I confess I was a little jealous of their shiny badges. Not to mention the few extra minutes they were given, to show up for class....

The principal of Sherwood Elementary sent out letters to parents at the start of the school year, urging them to honor school zone speed limits. But I suspect the parents aren't the problem. It's everyone else hurrying down Idle Hour Drive - and if they're hurrying, maybe it's time this street had a name change....

If there's any good news in all of this, the school year is almost over. Unless, of course, no one bothers telling Columbus Police officers - then I'd watch my speed around schools, even on Independence Day.

P.S. I used to laugh at a daily newspaper in my hometown. Every year it had a full-page ad in late August alerting you: "School's open -- drive carefully." Then another ad appeared in May: "School's out - drive carefully." Who knows how many drivers canceled their subscriptions, because the paper wouldn't let them have any fun?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Our water-based questions of Tuesday brought this reaction:

Good morning...thanks for the blog about the watering of lawns..as with so many laws it is shot with loopholes for the rich and famous....I'm glad you reported CSU for misuse of water as thousands of gallons per wk must run down the gutters of University Ave.,perhaps that is why tuition went up.. May the wind blow at your back as you trek dow the Riverwalk...May the bums on Veterans Parkway not leave a lingering odor as you drive them for a meal..May your cough vanish from you life as did Curtis' shotgun...May your blog remain popular now and forever.....thanks again....

I don't drive past Columbus State University that often, so I don't know how much sprinkler water is flowing there. But come to think of it, the C.S.U. campus benefits from being big - because the buildings can have both odd and even-numbered addresses.

And thank YOU for a local twist on the "Irish Blessing" Jim Foster likes to say every morning on WSHE-AM. But about that wind blowing at my back - that works great heading out in the winter, but I haven't found a way to avoid it chilling my face on the return trip home.

And it's always nice to hear from new readers....

I just discovered your blog. What an impressive sense of humor you have. You're fearless! I moved to Columbus in 1988, from Birmingham, and also have seen the changes of which you write. I'll keep tabs on your footsteps in Columbus as you continue blogging.....

Anna Roman

Fearless? ME?!?! I don't dare break the speed limit around the Public Safety Center - much less a school zone.

Our thanks to all who read and write - and now let's check some Wednesday headlines:

+ The first name of the Atlantic hurricane season will pulled out, for "subtropical storm Andrea." Those of you who remember old Columbus TV reporters probably will want this storm's wind speed checked carefully -- with an Andrea Gage.

+ The political group VoteVets announced former Fort Benning Commander Paul Eaton will appear in a TV commercial, opposing President Bush's Iraq policy. Somewhere in Columbus, the retired Major General's name is being erased from the "God Bless Fort Benning" invitation list.

+ A new Piggly Wiggly store opened on Second Avenue in Opelika, where Kroger used to be. If customers think this is an improvement, they may be disappointed - because for one thing, the dairy case won't sound "moo" anymore when someone picks up a jug of milk. [True!]

+ Glenwood felled Faith Academy 4-2, and can win the AISA Alabama baseball title today. A Glenwood championship would almost be demonic - because the Bible tends to put down people of "little Faith."

+ Instant Message to Jim Devitt: Have you retired? I don't hear you present the 11:00 p.m. weather updates on WLTZ anymore. And your replacement certainly doesn't know how to put a funny line between his first and last names.

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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9 MAY 07: SPAM IN A JAM

A sudden schedule change leaves very little time for blogging today. So we offer you one of our occasional SPAM-A-RAMA specials - where we offer comments on REAL spam message titles we've received in recent months. Let's boogity....

"REALIZE TOTAL AND ABSOLUTE POWER"

Who sent this one to the Phenix City Mayor?

"OUR SPRING ACTION"

Cough a lot, overheat some, heave a little.

"300 REPLICA"

So I'm not confused - is this the movie about ancient history, or a bowling lane?

"HER OF MILWAUKEE"

But what if the bar doesn't sell Pabst Blue Ribbon?

"ON LATIN"

Est bonum.

"BUILD POLISHED STICK"

What some call the Golden Cue billiard hall on Buena Vista Road.

"GERMAN EXCNAHGES ARE HOT."

But sometimes, I suspect they can be hard to read.

"ROUND-THE-CLOCK CHIPPER"

Try Boomer 95.3 FM.

"FEATHERING EARS"

No, I never owned a Farrah Fawcett-Majors poster.

"OFFICIAL LOTTERY TICKETS FROM AROUND THE WORLD"

All of them used and losers, I assume.

"RE: STARCHY CAMBODIA"

Don't look at me - you tell them to stop eating rice.

"YOU SO POSTLUDE."

Hey - I'm not dead yet.

"LAYS PLAIN"

I never could understand the sour cream and onion flavor, either.

"PEOPLE WED WOMEN"

Thank you for the correction, Rosie.

"HILLS ARE RICH"

That's why The Big Eddy Club is in Green Island.

"PANCAKES FRENCH"

Are breakfast buffets THAT cramped for space?

"SEVEN SOUTHERN"

That TV station actually is in Panama City.

"ABACUS SATURDAY"

Now, now - the church I attend actually uses calculators for offerings.

"PAPA DISHWASHER"

Then tomorrow night, it's the wife's turn.

"IS BE MIDLAND"

Could be SuperTarget?!?

"McCLURE ADVICE"

Last time I heard, he was giving weather reports in Tampa.

"BANJO IMPATIENCE"

Go to enough Open Mic Nights at The Loft, and there's bound to be one.

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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8 MAY 07: AQUA FORCE

A TV meteorologist noted Monday Columbus has a rain deficit for the year of more than seven inches. It's getting so bad that I think Mayor Wetherington ought to lease some railroad cars, hurry to Kansas and fill them up with flood waters.

The rules for outdoor watering became tougher across Georgia several weeks ago. But we wondered about the exact rules when this e-mail reached us:

Why can businesses run their sprinklers any time and any day they want,but I have to follow the law? (that includes CSU)

Well, who said they could? I don't recall hearing about any exceptions to the rules - but I've heard about plenty of homeowners who have decided they want to be.

Your blog called Columbus Water Works Monday to flush out learn the facts about this. A woman in the central office told me there are NO exceptions to water rules for businesses. That means not even they can water lawns on Fridays - when many people take their minds off such things at "watering holes."

But what the woman at Columbus Water Works told me is not exactly true. I called up the detailed water rules of the Georgia Environmental Protection Division Monday evening - and right at the top of page one, there's a section for "exemptions." Even in a bucket for conserving water, politics can have its loopholes.

The third page of the Georgia E.P.D. lists several exemptions to the opposite-side water rules:

+ "Irrigation of personal food gardens." So water conservation is NOT a big conspiracy to sell Miracle-Gro.

+ "Irrigation of newly installed landscapes." Perhaps Columbus State University is holding tryouts for groundkeepers.

+ Tees and greens on golf courses. To borrow from an old commercial, membership has its privileges....

+ Construction sites. Now this is surprising - because why would you need to sprinkle water on quarry rock and parking lots?

+ "Watering-in of pesticides and herbicides on turf." If you can make some phony Chem-Lawn odor before the inspectors show up, you might catch a break.

+ "Other activities essential to daily business." This looks like the biggest loophole of all. If a restaurant can prove more green on the lawn leads to more green in the cash registers....

So a business could have all sorts of reasons for running water sprinklers out of turn. And with the supposed lack of enforcement of the water restrictions in Columbus, it can find time to cover the tracks of its wet shoes.

"What about public agencies?" I asked the Columbus Water Works woman. "Like a college?" She searched through her "level two drought response" rules and found nothing exempting them. So the Water Works office on Veterans Parkway should take the lead, and have brown grass before anyone else.

"You mean C.S.U.?" the woman asked after checking the rules.

"Yes."

"Do you want to report them?" I didn't expect that question.

"Yes." I did it for the e-mailer - so maybe he or she will send me a six-pack of Dasani water as a thank-you gift.

So you can call Columbus Water Works to report a violation - but how much good will it really do? Is there a team of "water cops," which will go to Columbus State University and demand answers? Does it have its own C.S.I. team - as in Corrupt Sprinkler Investigators?

We'll see what comes of this probe of Columbus State and its sprinkler systems. Maybe a university employee will confess to breaking the drought rules - but claim Columbus Water Works forced it out of him through water-boarding.

Now we have a couple of days' news to catch up on....

+ Georgia Insurance Commissioner John Oxendine came to Columbus, to announce Pollyanna Johnson is wanted for insurance fraud. Trouble is, Johnson is believed to be in New Hampshire right now - so why doesn't Oxendine go there, and start rumors he might run for President while he's at it?

(Pollyanna Johnson is accused of pocketing nearly $5,000 in insurance premiums from A-Cab. The taxi company never really was insured, and the manager says one wreck would have cost him everything. Maybe our suspect secretly wants cab drivers to be a little more careful in traffic.)

+ Aflac held its annual shareholders meeting at the Columbus Museum. A crew from ABC's "Nightline" was there, taping an upcoming report on the company's success. Maybe their reporter finally can get the still-nameless duck to open up, and say some other words.

+ Auburn Police arrested a suspect in the theft of an automated teller. Someone stole a truck, rammed it through the front door of Colonial University Village and stole an ATM in the middle of the mall. The criminals apparently couldn't figure out how malls get those display cars inside, either.

+ WRBL news anchor Phil Scoggins climbed inside a burning test house, for a special report on fire safety. Challenged and motivated by this, WLTZ commentator Al Fleming will attempt to sit through an entire Muscogee County Democratic Party meeting.

+ Atlanta beat the Los Angeles Dodgers 6-4, on a Sunday billed as "Bark in the Park Day" at Turner Field. Fans were urged to bring their dogs to the baseball stadium -- and I hope the cleaning crew received double time afterwards.

+ Instant Message to WKZJ "K-92.7 FM": I'm stunned - STUNNED! I mean, by your new "Quiet Storm" program in the evening. You actually added a LOCAL announcer?! So many Columbus radio stations seem prepared to do away with them....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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for 7 MAY 07: TWO DOORS DOWN

Things suddenly looked different this weekend at apartment #5. A curtain no longer covered the front window, and a look inside found only scattered furnishings in the living room. Was someone taking spring cleaning even more seriously than I do?

By talking to a neighbor Sunday, I found out what really happened - and it actually was better news than I feared. Curtis had moved out, after a few weeks of home hospice care. He'd become so weak that I wondered if he was dead. And a big family cookout near the apartment courtyard Saturday could have doubled as a wake.

Curtis has lived in apartment #5 for as long as I've lived in Columbus. My first "run-in" with him occurred on a Sunday night in 1997 - when I happened to look outside my front door and find a couch pillow on fire on the grass. Thankfully, this was a year when Columbus had enough rain to keep the risk of a Historic District wildfire minimal.

"Don't you worry about that," Curtis said from his front porch.

"Sir, that thing is within 15 feet of my front door," I replied. "I'm paying attention to it." Not enough to call the fire department, though - not unless Curtis threw more burning items out the door.

It turned out Curtis had been smoking, and apparently sparked a couch pillow fire while he was relaxing. But I kept waiting for him to put the fire out -- and he didn't. Perhaps he went back to bed, because his sleep was interrupted.

I watched the couch pillow until it burned up. The fire didn't spread to the lawn, but I poured two buckets of water on the ashes to make sure everything was settled. This was before anyone could report you to Columbus Water Works for violating drought rules.

The burning pillow didn't establish relations easily with Curtis - and his tendency to smoke and curse didn't make things any easier. I might wave hello or say "good morning" to him, but I didn't go beyond that. As I heard a radio preacher say Sunday: there are times when nothing is better than something.

The biggest incident I had with Curtis came in October 2000 - when the man in apartment #5 sat down on his front porch at 11:30 p.m. and decided to fire a shotgun. (Read more about this below.) As far as I know, I was the only one who called police about it. Everyone else in the complex must be much sounder sleepers than I.

Curtis was taken to the police station that night, and I kept very clear of him after that. But the following spring, I decided to attempt to make peace with Curtis - and was amazed to find he was willing to apologize. "I had been drinking," he explained. If Curtis had been robbed after one of his lottery tickets had hit a big jackpot, he would have made a sinner's trifecta.

Things were much more peaceful after that short chat in the spring of 2001. Curtis would notice when I went running, and wished he had the strength to do the same thing. He didn't run from the police officers that night, after all.

But over the last couple of years, Curtis has become "skin-and-bones" thin. He suggested once that it was due to stomach cancer, although I'm not absolutely sure that's his problem now. Curtis could barely walk to a car, for rides to the doctor. And how he could stand long shuttle bus rides to the V.A. Medical Center in Montgomery, I don't know - unless the buses have built-in IV machines.

A hospice sticker appeared on Curtis's front door a few weeks ago, and caregivers started making daily visits to apartment #5. But now he's moving in with a granddaughter, and could be bound for a nursing home. Do those homes have any way for him to buy lottery tickets?

It's a shame I didn't get to wish Curtis farewell, as he moved out Saturday afternoon. I wanted to finally ask him about a trophy on his front window sill, which looked like an award for track and field. How ironic it would have been if Curtis was honored for the shot put - because a few years after putting out the
wrong shot, now his body seems simply to BE shot.

BLOG UPDATE: As for my health: the test results from my PPD exam were processed Sunday - and I'm pleased to report I do NOT have tuberculosis. That's one form of "tuber-ville" I never want to visit in person....

I misunderstood the PPD test, so I should clarify what happened. A bubble of fluid developed under the skin of my right arm when the needle was stuck in me Thursday. It was NOT a "button" inserted inside my skin - but there's still a red dot, which I'm still a bit afraid to smush.

The healing process from my "bug" still is going well. The cough from fluid in my lungs is now occasional, not continuous. And I was able to speak full sentences Sunday, without my voice fluttering. Now all I need to do is be careful about what I say.

E-MAIL UPDATE: We have not forgotten Hurtsboro on this Monday. The local Constable wouldn't want that to happen....

Richard:

It was quite a surprise when the anonymous person announced the birth of a Blog in Hurtsboro! [2 May] I wish them well!! In fact, I sent them a one line message -"Congratulations!" This morning I received notice that it was undelivered. I'm far from expert with a computer - but I have experienced some difficulty in "pulling up" the website. Perhaps it's just me.

There are several things that you haven't discovered about me. In my efforts to raise public awareness to some issues; I organized a citizens group called SOS and published a newsletter called NEWS & VIEWS. A meeting place was secured (with difficulty) and the public, County Officials, and every City Official were invited. Our motto EVERY VOICE WILL BE HEARD! Only eerie silence hung in the air!

Because it was deemed that fear might be a deterrent in getting someone to speak out in public; the newsletter was created, and anonymous submissions were encourged. Did I say "encouraged;" It was "discouraging! Not one complaint or compliment was registered!!

I suspect that the new Blog will get the same results. However,I wish them every success. Perhaps their attempt at denial and effort to sugar-coat what really goes on in Hurtsboro will be better received than my nearly futile attempt to rally interest, and subsequent action.

What an opportunity for Paul Harvey and his "Rest Of The Story!"

Thanks Richard,

Constable R.J. Schweiger.

I went to The Blog of Hurtsboro Sunday and tried to leave a comment, passing on the Constable's congratulations. But while the main page says comments are welcome, the "comment page" indicated only "team members" could post a comment. I was not allowed to post -- but maybe we should be thankful Hurtsboro still is big enough to have a team.

Constable Schweiger's efforts to start a community newsletter on Hurtsboro could have several explanations. It could be that most people in town don't really care one way or another - just like the same small group in Columbus tended to call "Talkline" all the time.

The new Hurtsboro blog seems ready to focus on nice, positive things about the town. If that's what the author wants to do, he or she has every right to do that. But I've known plenty of TV channels and radio stations which promised sections of "good news" - and only the Phenix Citizen-News's section seems to have survived.

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: We were writing humor for subscribers seven years ago, when our neighbor Curtis stepped onto the front porch late at night with a shotgun. It became the new lead of the LaughLine edition of 25 Oct 00:

About 11:30 Tuesday night, a man sat down on the porch two doors down from LaughLine World Headquarters - and fired a shotgun! As you might expect, we were shocked. After all, this was BEFORE the Mets took the lead over the Yankees [in the World Series].

(We'd told this man about our collision with a deer the other night, but apparently never explained it happened 200 miles away.)

We went to our door and asked the man about the loud bang we'd heard. "That was me," he said with the shotgun open. "You'd better close the door."

"Why did you do that?" we dared to ask.

"I'm crazy." (Isn't it refreshing to know some people aren't afraid to ADMIT this?)

"Same reason I burned my clothes in the yard and that other thing in the yard," the neighbor continued. The clothing we didn't remember - but he DID set fire to a couch pillow about 20 feet from our front door on a Sunday night a couple of years ago. We figured then he'd fallen asleep while smoking. Now we wonder if the man was testing his smoke detector battery.

"Close the door now," he repeated, more as a statement of fact than a threat. We did close our door - then quietly went to the phone and called 911. (Our office window was open, so we talked almost in a whisper.) Then we went back to watching the baseball game - prone on the floor. Now we know how New Yorkers will feel after one team wins the World Series.

About 15 minutes later came a loud knock at our door. We turned on the outside light and opened it only a couple of inches, our body angled so it wouldn't be in a line of fire -- but no one was there. Moments later, we heard police talking to the shooter. He admitted firing into the air, saying something about frustration with folks knocking on doors in the neighborhood. Wow -- we simply told the cable guy we didn't want service.

We finally opened the door, and found five police officers around. They took the shotgun shooter to jail, after asking about other weapons in his apartment. We don't know if he had any - but we wanted them to find his hunting license, while they were inside.

(This leads to our legal tip of the day: many libraries have books with forms you can copy - so you can update your will.)

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 3088 (- 200, 6.1%)

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6 MAY 07: HOW FIRM A FOUNDATION?

A familiar business name showed up on the Friday evening news - one I hadn't noticed in a while. It's a building contractor accused of doing shoddy work. And before you get ahead of me - I don't think the worker involved attends that big Baptist church on 54^th Street.

The Better Business Bureau reports it's received six complaints in the last year about Liftech. Wouldn't it be fun to go through the bureau's files, and see which business has the most? Instead of the annual BBB "Torch Award," we could give it a lit stick of dynamite.

One woman complained she hired Liftech to repair the foundation of her home - and when the work was over, she counted at least 24 cracks. Perhaps she hasn't looked on the bright side of this. She has at least 24 places for hiding valuable papers from thieves.

The customer thought it was strange that the Liftech manager asked her to write a check NOT to the company, but to someone she apparently never knew. It makes you wonder if that person's business card has the title "Middleman" on it.

The customer wondered why Liftech's Mitch Baria didn't want his name put on the check for repair work. So she went online, and learned Baria faces fraud and "false pretense" charges in Mississippi. Who could have guessed Hurricane Katrina would blow someone all the way to Columbus, so long after the storm?

You may recall we brought up Liftech late last year, for using a "former pitcher for the Oakland A's" in TV commercials - a man who never really pitched in the major leagues at all. [7 Dec 06]. Now a company employee is accused of throwing some change-ups of his own. At least no "knuckle balls" came with it....

Liftech didn't return the TV station's calls, to comment on the customer complaints. That's curious, because a company attorney called the blog about the commercials five months ago - without my even asking him to do it, and on the very same day. Do I have THAT much more clout?

There are some basic lessons for homeowners here. Don't commit yourself financially to repair jobs, without some kind of guarantee. For instance, make sure the crew guarantees not to leave the state for 14 days - and has a working cell phone number.

It also might be wise to check with the Better Business Bureau first, and see if a repair company has a good reputation. If the crew recommends you call the Pretty Good Business Bureau instead, be skeptical....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Someone apparently has had enough of the Bill Purvis bashing:

Dear Richard; Someone posted a link/comment to your blog's publication of the anonymous Cascade Hills complaint letter on AboutColumbusGA yahoo group. We have responded on the group. Comments are welcome on the group.

The anonymous, unanswered and unexamined accusations are seemingly quite unfair. I have already found some of the things he said to be untrue.

Could your blog's published anonymous Cascade Hills Church complaint letter be from:

1. An investigation- trial date is near-someone allegedly tried harm on a church member

2. Or is it the actual alleged perp himself

3. Or is it some other misguided soul who prefers to harm a church with perceived wrongs rather than iron out misunderstandings and provide church unity.

We have posted info on the Reverend Purvis, and the Church Doctrine. We sought out info from the Church itself. Since someone posted the link to your blog's published anonymous complaint letter on our group, we owed it to the Church Congregation, Ministers, and the GOOD LORD, to provide a fair rebuttal. We found the 7000 member church to be totally accessible.

Thank You,

Deborah Owens deborahowens2000@aol.com

AboutColumbusGA Yahoo Group

Perhaps this group's discussion will bring answers and resolutions to some of the recent charges we've received. I mean, you don't simply pick up a phone, call a church office and say: "Hi, does your pastor drive a Hummer and a Lexus?"

If I were to guess which category the Cascade Hills complaints fit, I'd say it's number three. It's amazing how some people can do a better job "evangelizing" against a church or pastor they don't like, than for the gospel the pastor's supposed to preach.

By the way, people who watch all the way to the end of "Real Time" nowadays can hear Bill Purvis say this about Columbus: "There are plenty of good churches, where we can all find a place." He doesn't say Cascade Hills Church is the best, largest or most perfect. So you shouldn't compare Dr. Purvis to a Bill Heard car salesman - maybe more like Gateway Lincoln-Mercury.

Maybe there's someone wandering the streets of Columbus, looking for a church home....

Is there anything at all that can be done concerning the homeless man that camps out on or in the middle of Veteran's Parkway? He used to hang out around the intersection of Manchester and Veterans but now has moved North. He is going to get hit and my understanding is that he is not the most pleasant person wanting help so is there not an institution or something?

Is this the man who pushes an extremely full shopping cart? If so, I've seen him recently in the area of Airport Thruway -- so give him a few more weeks, and he may start selling his belongings at Columbus Park Crossing.

(Then again, he may be setting a great example for drivers on Veterans Parkway. If he can avoid spending money on high-priced gasoline and cars which produce greenhouse gases, maybe you can as well.)

If this man is obeying the law and doesn't want anyone's help, I'm not sure anyone can do anything about him. I can't realistically offer to take him into my home - because he'd probably insist on taking his shopping cart with him, and it won't fit in my trunk.

An "institution" for this man is as close as West Central Georgia Regional Hospital - but that's all the way on the other side of Columbus. Perhaps this man hasn't heard the hospital now has secured state money to stay open....

Thanks to everyone who writes us - and now let's write a little more about the weekend news:

+ The State Farmer's Market on Tenth Avenue relaunched itself as an "International Flea Market." Now you can buy antique furniture, to go with your fresh watermelons - and we hope you don't get the two of them mixed up.

+ The Bayonet reported a Mini-Mall opened inside Fort Benning, featuring an O'Charley's restaurant. There, you see - nice new restaurants ARE opening on the south side of Columbus. The problem is that they're so far south, many civilians can't go to them.

+ The Columbus Jazz Society held its annual "Ma Rainey Blues Festival" at her old home in the Liberty District. From what I saw on TV, she certainly would have the blues - because the attendance looked pitiful.

+ Martin Luther King Junior Elementary School held its first-ever "Hispanic Day." But there's something I don't quite understand about this. No field trip to Fiesta Columbus?!

+ Notasulga High School was put on lockdown, after authorities say they found three guns. You'd think the National Rifle Association make more of a fuss about this -- and offer target practice lessons after hours, to help students better keep the Second Amendment and prevent attacks.

+ Instant Message to the Columbus Finance Department: My federal tax refund came in March. My state tax refund came in April. So why hasn't my local Occupation Tax refund check come in the mail, after more than two months? Is Mayor Wetherington proposing to eliminate that, in his budget plan?

COMING THIS WEEK: How at least one Columbus police officer spent spring break.... you might be stunned....

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for 5 MAY 07: A CASCADE OF COMPLAINTS

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts from time to time, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath.)

We wish you a happy "Cinco de Mayo." Based on our recent e-mails, some people seem to be more in a mood for "Sink-O the Church-O."

Last Saturday we used e-mail "thoughts for the day" about Cascade Hills Church and its pastor to make some Biblical points. The person who e-mailed us clearly did not expect that, and sent this follow-up:

Dear Richard,

In a previous email I mentioned a couple of lies that are perpetrated from the pulpit of Cascade Hills Church, they are easily substantiated. You are correct when you say myself along with a number of former members have some serious issues with Mr Purvis.

My "Thoughts for the day" or PS. of sorts was somewhat tongue in cheek and was not intended to be a dive into biblical theology. I assure you when I say meek I am not talking about quiet wimps. In addition, I assure you Jesus would be enraged with much of what goes on in today's church.

My secular dictionary says meek people have "patience and humility." If people leave Cascade Hills Church in a huff because of faults they find with the pastor, maybe they should ask if THEY fit the definition themselves. You lose the point in tennis if you double-fault, you know....

I agree completely that if people left in a huff simply because they found faults with the pastor they should check and see if they themselves fit the definition. There are many different types of churches and pastors and ever one as you and I know will have faults. This is no secret. However when the deception and dishonesty reaches certain heights then that is a different matter all together. In this case its not just a matter of not liking the music (and who would like the music regardless of what type of music you like, the performance is below mega church quality by a great deal). It is a matter of deception beyond your imagination.

As for the poor: a "church health report" we picked up at Cascade Hills last year showed the church has support classes in divorce and financial management. The two can be connected, you know - if a husband is saddled with big child support and alimony payments

I assure you whatever health report you picked up last year is no longer relevant. Much of the staff has left since that time; classes have changed as have teachers. Don't get me wrong, there are some wonderful classes taught by wonderful people at Cascade Hills Church...pearls among swine you might say.

But Cascade Hills Church is known as a tithing church - and that's not necessarily a bad thing. The Bible endorses tithing. It's the humans who like to squirm out of it -- such as the late Johnny Hart's " B.C." comic strip, where a man promises to tithe at "the usual three percent."

Cascade Hills is a tithing church and I agree whole heartedly with tithing ten percent and beyond. I do however believe that one should use some discretion as to where they tithe and how wisely it is used. As I have said before, "to tithe at Cascade Hills is to support the life styles of the rich and famous." I am told by several of the employees that Pastor Bill took his entire staff of more than 50 people to the Ritz Carlton Resort for an all expenses paid retreat so the staff could see what "customer service" is supposed to be like. Now I am not familiar with the prices at this retreat, but being the Ritz Carlton I suspect the cost of that trip was easily $30, 000.00 or more for rooms for 50 people. We all have a choice as to where we send our tithe, but i wouldn't want my tithe going to take the entire staff to The Ritz Carlton to find out how to be more Christ like. Maybe I should go to work for a church because I know with my job I have to settle for the Holiday Inn. Oh yea and that little trip to Macy's in New York had to cost Jesus a pretty penny to...remember that rather low quality TV special they had a year or so ago Christmas?

This writer certainly suggests Cascade Hills Church has a pastor who's a liar. I need more evidence of that, before I reach a conclusion one way or another.

First of all Cascade HIlls dosn't so much have a pastor as a pastor has Cascade Hills... You say that you need more evidence before you reach that conclusion. Remember the old saying "how do you know when a Bill Heard Salesman is lying...When his lips are moving". Well it's not quite that bad in this case, but the proof is there. I offered two examples in my original email to you. Let me paste them here so that you might have the opportunity to read them again.

>> You said in an earlier blog that you can imagine there are plenty of lies being told from the stage at Cascade Hills Church...and reference the fact that Bill has said that Jesus was born on December 25th. I have not heard that lie told, although I do believe that Bill Purvis accepts that date as the celebrated date for the birth of Christ. I have however heard him step up and say "Welcome to our third packed service". After looking around I realized that the seats were not full...and since I was there at the two other services volunteering my time I can testify that the other two services were less than half full....What gives Mr. Bill? Remember THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE. If by chance he did get wind of this statement he would laugh it off like it were no big deal...I mean its not that big of a lie now is it? Maybe we should look into some of those bigger lies...like the one about not taking a salary from the church. <<

But if you have suspicions about your minister, should you go to that minister about it? Should you write the newspaper, or e-mail a blogger? Do you go all the way, as I've actually seen people do - and hold silent pickets outside services every weekend?

You mention that if you have suspicions about a minister going to him directly and I agree this is the Biblical and correct approach. However, Bill Purvis is not approachable for such discussion. He is easily approachable for small talk for the short time between services on Sunday and for a brief moment after services on occasion. However he guards himself closely against any confrontation. He has all of his mail and e-mail pre read and any negative communication is not passed on to him. (He has made that statement many times from the stage). He does not office at the church and neither church staff nor membership is aware of his office location. The church receptionist does not have the ability to contact Mr. Purvis directly and he/she does not make appointments for Mr. Purvis. Mr. Purvis' secretary makes his appointments and she offices with him and there is no listed telephone number for the office. His secretary is his wife.

Therefore the choices are limited as to how to disseminate information. The parking lot of the church is guarded by some of Columbus' finest so a picket would not work well, and I am not sure how legal that would be anyway. What newspaper editor do you think would be interested in knowing some of the many things that have gone on and are going on at Columbus' only mega church?

It's easy to decide you can't change a minister's mind on something, especially if there's a question of Bible teaching or doctrine at stake. But after doing a study from Scripture, I've concluded there are times when it's OK for a Christian to speak up and complain. You have to be careful how you do it. And I certainly don't think swear words will get you anywhere.

I have no desire to change Bill Purvis' mind. The things I speak of have nothing to do with Biblical teaching or doctrine, but simply morals and character. I agree swear words wont get you any place….have I used any?

In closing, if you read the bylaws of Cascade Hills Church (I can provide you with a copy if you like) You will see that Bill as set himself up as the sole and final authority of the church by making his family and business partners "the committee" that governs the church. There is no sort of check and balance system. Anyone who questions…leaves.

It has been said;

"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad man." - Lord Action

Sincerely…

Starting from the top: I wonder what "megachurch quality" music is. At some churches, I suppose it would be a choir of 500 people - with good singers drowning out the bad ones....

It was quite surprising when Cascade Hills Church seemed to overhaul its "church school" program last year. It offered not merely a dozen or so classes each weekend, but 70. Now THIS is a megachurch - because in the congregation I attend, that would be more than one class per member.

It does seem strange for Pastor Bill Purvis to take his staff to a Ritz-Carlton Resort to learn about good customer service. After all, Green Island Country Club and the Hilton Garden Inn are right in the church's neighborhood.

I attend a church association which holds an annual "General Conference of Elders" this weekend in Cincinnati. The conference will include seminars and workshops on how to become better ministers. I tend to compare it to the "Acts 15 conference" in the Bible -- but at least they don't go all the way to Jerusalem to hold it.

(The big issue on the agenda at this conference is whether to move the association's home office out of Cincinnati, and to the Dallas-Fort Worth area. The leaders say it's possible because church income is growing and stable. But I think some elders want to use that money to spread the association's message - that times really are unstable, and this country is doomed.)

Yes, I remember Bill Purvis's "Christmas in New York" special late in 2005. But did you notice he didn't follow it up last year with "Christmas in Dixie," and exclusive interviews with members of the band Alabama?

Perhaps Bill Purvis wants to avoid negative communication from the public because he's trying to practice a Bible verse. The apostle Paul writes in Philippians that we should think about "whatever is true.... honest.... just.... pure... lovely.... of a good report...." My problem as a single guy is that I focus on the "lovely" part -- so that's why I steer clear of the Miss Georgia pageant.

It can be dangerous to only pay attention to the positive things people say about you. Jesus openly faced critics, such as the Pharisees. Sometimes He responded to them. Sometimes He didn't. But Jesus knew what He was doing was right. If Bill Purvis is just as sure - well, he cited the Titanic on TV the other weekend. The ship God supposedly couldn't sink....

Look up Bill Purvis in the Columbus telephone directory, and you'll find the same address and phone number as Cascade Hills Church. That's led me to wonder if he might just LIVE at the church, with a "parsonage" on the top floor scenically overlooking the J.R. Allen Parkway and Lake Oliver.

Yes, Columbus Police officers are on watch at Cascade Hills Church services. But longtime blog readers will recall the "IsOurCitySafe" e-mails, which revealed these officers really are off-duty and paid part-time by the church. I've been on security patrol at some church events over the years - and all I received was a nice badge, and 30 missed minutes of a Bible study.

I never said this e-mailer used swear words, and I didn't mean to imply he did. My point there last Saturday simply was that you shouldn't say anything to a minister which might get you "disqualified" from future opportunities with a congregation. Sadly, I've know a few ministers over the years who actually would start using the four-letter language first.

Pastor Bill Purvis certainly not the first one to put his relatives at the top of a church's "chain of command." Plenty of well-known ministers have been succeeded by their sons. There's Oral and Richard Roberts in Tulsa, John and Joel Osteen in Houston, George Herbert Walker and.... no wait, that's different....

Perhaps I need to see a copy of the Cascade Hills Church bylaws. The "church health report" I picked up last year has this mission statement, based on Matthew 28: "The purpose.... is to make fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ out of irreligious people." Somehow Bill Purvis's name didn't get in there anywhere.

This could have been the end of our Cascade Hills update - but lo and behold, someone else e-mailed us about the church Friday:

I was channel surfing one Saturday night and came upon a promotional sermon. He had Dr Schwindt, a cardiologist, on stage with him telling the congregation what a wonderful doctor he was and recommending that anyone who had or thought they had heart disease should go see Dr Schwindt. I've never seen anything like it before. I wonder what kind of discount Purvis got for his treatment or if he gets a gratuity from the doctor for any new patients he generated?

I have also heard that you had to have a tax return or personal financial statement reviewed by the finance committe in order to become a member.

The membership application shown on the website is more detailed than an application for a SBA loan....

Who gave him the Lexus, Hummer, and million dollar home on Lake Harding?

I recall seeing part of this "Real Time sermon" as well. I think it occurred during January, when the church traditionally focuses on tithing. Cascade Hills tends to do it for four weekends. When I was young, my United Methodist Pastor was more wimpy -- spending one Sunday talking about a big word called "stewardship."

(Would this cardiologist dare to quote to a patient the verse from Jeremiah 17 about the heart? The one which says it's "deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked?")

The point of those "personal testimony" sermons was to show examples of how God blesses people who tithe. But those messages need disclaimers, like the TV infomercials for wealth-building systems. I know from personal experience that your actual blessing could be much less than a cardiologist receives - as if you can take financial blessings to the grave with you, anyway.

Cascade Hills Church has a "new member" program, where people are given new engraved Bibles upon completion. The church health report says the members "completed the classes and had their interviews." Whether the interview was with a federal tax auditor, I have no idea....

Please note the application for membership at Cascade Hills Church says nothing about your income. But the "other information" section leaves room for "hobbies" and "other interesting comments." So if your hobby is accumulating income and you want to fund a pastoral retreat to Barbados, I suppose you can mention it there.

Does Pastor Bill Purvis really own two nice cars, not to mention a luxurious home on Lake Harding? If no one can track him down for any length of time after a service, how do you know he and his wife don't slip away in a Volkswagen and eat Sunday dinner at Shoney's?

My own Pastor requested of me several weeks ago: "If you blog me, blog me gently." I'm trying to do that here with Cascade Hills Church and its pastor, even if e-mailers want to hold some kind of inquisition. I've yet to call the church and ask about all these tough accusations - but then again, would Bill Purvis even read a blog like this one lacking a "good report?"

SCHEDULED SUNDAY: The company which hired a "former pitcher" for its commercials makes news again....

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4 MAY 07: THE SECOND GUESS

Yawning shouldn't hurt. Burping shouldn't prompt you to reach for something to support the impact. But that's what I've been facing for several days, as I keep recovering from my mystery.... oh wait. Yawning CAN hurt, if a child does it in the middle of a private school lecture.

When I visited a clinic for my mystery illness at the start of last week, a doctor told me to come back in ten days - so Thursday I did for a follow-up. There was one sign of improvement on my part right away. I remembered to return the clipboard with basic information to the receptionist.

Ten days on antibiotics had calmed down my high-fever, fluid-filled lung situation a good bit. But I was still coughing in spurts on occasion, to clear the lungs. And some aching remained around my midsection, especially around bedtime. I've slept in bed most nights, but needed to sit in a lounge chair a couple of times -- helping me understand how Abraham Lincoln does it at that memorial.

Several people had offered their own opinions on what was wrong with me. A barber near Fort Benning said I had heart problems, and should see a cardiologist. A couple of friends and co-workers concluded I had the "walking pneumonia." I told them it HAD to be walking, because I couldn't run very well at all.

I told the basics on my health to a clinic nurse, then waited in an exam room for the doctor to come. In fact, I waited more than an hour for the doctor to come. illness. This time I brought a magazine to read during the wait - but I wonder if I should have stretched out on the exam table and taken a nap.

"It's about time I showed up, isn't it?" the doctor surprisingly admitted when she finally came into my exam room. This was a different doctor from the one who checked me ten days before. But then, this is an "Urgent Care" clinic that's open seven days a week. The regular doctor has to hit the golf course sometime....

Doctor #2 seemed to explain my long wait on some kind of "commotion." She never specifically mentioned what happened - but I thought I overheard one of the staff members outside my room say something about "eight pounds, 11 ounces." [True!]

Doctor #2 probed my upper body, challenging me to breathe as deeply as I could. Several times when I did, the left side of my midsection resisted with a piercing pain. It wasn't a full sack by the Auburn defensive line anymore. Now it was more like a Spanish bullfight - and the picador came aiming at me.

Never before had I truly realized how huge my breathing system is. It doesn't stop at the lungs - it reaches all the way to a couple of inches above my waist. It's as if my smoking mother expected all her children to follow her example, so they'd need extra assistance.

Then things became interesting, as Doctor #2 brought in an assistant to give me an inhaler. A long tube was laced with some sort of medicine, and I was instructed to breathe through it for "at least five minutes." It probably wound up being closer to 30 minutes - and I was on that tube so long, my legs were ready to ride an exercise bike for three hours.

(The inhaler produced a bit of white smoke when I exhaled - making this the closest I'd ever come to smoking a cigarette.)

Once the inhaler session was finished, Doctor #2 returned to offer her diagnosis. She talked about last week's chest X-ray with a radiologist, and they decided I had a "highly circumcised grainiola" (however you spell it) mass on my left lung. It sounded like a health bar made especially for Jews.

The good news was that my heart was normal, and the mass is benign. But Doctor #2 concluded I probably do have some kind of pneumonia - and if that's true, I'm at least the fourth member of my church congregation to develop this problem this year. A couple in their 70's had it for weeks. When they returned to church, I settled simply for waving hello to them.

Doctor #2 is willing to wait two more weeks, to see if I keep improving and the problem goes away. But as a precaution, she had a nurse give me a PPD insert to check for tuberculosis. A little wheel-type button will be in my arm until Sunday - so until then: T-B or not T-B, that is the question.

"You can't put a bandage on it," the nurse advised me about the tuberculosis probe. "You can't smush it," she added - making me thankful the Los Angeles Lakers are out of the N.B.A. playoffs, and I can't watch Smush Parker play basketball for months.

I recalled what a TV reporter in Atlanta said about tuberculosis in the early 1990's. She said all it takes to contract T-B was to have a homeless person breathe on you. Perhaps I didn't take this seriously enough - and I need to start wearing a breathing mask when I walk down the street for soda.

If my breathing clears up, the four-pill extra dose of antibiotics I was prescribed should settle everything. If not, Doctor #2 says I might need a "C-T scan" done on my chest -- which will only add to my Citi credit card bill.

My second trip to the Urgent Care clinic wound up lasting a bit longer than the first one, at three-and-a-half hours. You know you're getting old when your trips to the doctor last longer than some college football games.

Because of the medical focus, we didn't catch a lot of news Thursday - but here's what we noticed:

+ The British author of the new book "The Big Eddy Club" came to Columbus, to sign copies and join in a discussion about the city's racial history. David Rose told WRBL his book does NOT use the Stocking Strangler murder case to conclude Columbus is a racist city. Civil rights groups could cite dozens of other cases, without bringing that one up.

(Believe it or not, former Ledger-Enquirer executive Billy Winn is conducting a "tour of Columbus murders" this weekend. At least he's taking the high road -- and scheduling this tour almost six months before Halloween.)

+ Jordan High School's basketball team received its state championship rings, in a fund-raising event at the Trade Center. It's hard to believe this, but Jordan made the Northern Little League ring ceremony in a catfish restaurant look downright cheap.

+ Glenwood beat Bessemer 9-5, to advance to the AISA Alabama high school baseball finals. The semifinal series went three games -- so to borrow from an old love song, it was almost a case of "Bessemer Mucho."

+ Instant Message to the Phenix City Exchange Club: Thanks for the invitation to sing at your fund-raising "Hometown Hoedown" Saturday! It turns out the gospel section will occur too early in the day for me to attend - but with a little fluid still on my lungs, I might have been able to imitate Slim Whitman and yodel.

(And by the way - be careful how you name your events. Don Imus got in a lot of trouble, for something similar to what you're doing....)

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: Our Bill Purvis discussion continues....

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for 3 MAY 07: PHYSICAL EDUCATION?

Recent graduates of Columbus High School may have spent part of Wednesday playing a guessing game. Which one might have been a teacher's pet - and should be thankful she was not a rabbit, during mating season?

Columbus Police announced Columbus High School teacher James Cypert had been arrested on four sexual assault counts. I understand Cypert not only taught English, but drama - but if he's only teaching it, I don't know how well he'll be able to act on the witness stand.

But several immediate questions arose about the case against James Cypert. For one thing, police say he started having an affair with an 18-year-old Columbus High School student in 2005. If the woman was 18, that means she's "of age" - unless prosecutors can prove she was assaulted somehow with a glass of beer.

Another question about the James Cypert case is that police say he had (ahem) "consensual sex" with the teenage high school student. Didn't several Fort Benning soldiers have charges against them dropped in April for this reason? Are men going to have to start carrying "consent decrees" with their Viagra bottles?

Columbus Police explain they went ahead and charged James Cypert with sexual assault because he violated the "student-teacher relationship." Sad to say, the norm anymore almost seems to be that students and teachers HAVE relationships - starting with flirting.

In a somewhat related case, Columbus Police also announced Wednesday that a substitute teacher at Carver High School was arrested for attempting to have sex with a student. Nice try, gentlemen - but Russell County Schools still have more arrests in a week than you.

Columbus Police say Roderick Branscomb touched a Carver High School student inappropriately, and tried to (ahem) make love to her. The lesson here may be that Muscogee County Schools need to play an old song by The Police on the public address systems -- "Don't Stand So Close to Me."

While James Cypert is on "administrative detail" with no student contact until his case is resolved, Roderick Branscomb is barred from being a substitute teacher at Carver anymore. And while no one may admit it publicly, he's probably barred from most Victory Drive nightclubs as well.

The thought crossed my mind Wednesday that a tabloid TV show like "Inside Edition" might come to Columbus and look into one of these cases. But then again, it probably isn't impressive enough for the staff. If the suspect was blonde and female instead of gray-haired and male, it might be different.

But what IS the deal, with all these stories of teachers having sexual affairs with their students? Aren't high school athletes good enough for teenage girls anymore? Or are too many teachers telling the boys, "True love waits" - and adding under their breath, "Until I'm through with her"?!

E-MAIL UPDATE: Maybe we should go back to a simpler time, and a TV show which didn't have much romance at all....

Got Money

The link will take you to an unusual auction on eBay. Now you can buy what's supposed to be an original car driven by the Duke family in a "Dukes of Hazzard" movie. At first, I thought it was hazardous to think the offer was legitimate....

The bidding for the "General Lee" car is scheduled to close Friday morning - but somehow the bids ballooned, crossing the two-MILLION dollar mark by Wednesday afternoon. I think that's more than the total legal economy of Hazzard County, on the old TV show.

Those of you with long memories will recall "Cooter" from The Dukes of Hazzard went on to become Georgia Congressman Ben Jones. He wouldn't dare be caught driving a "General Lee" car nowadays - because the carbon emissions from that engine would get him in so much trouble with other Democrats....

No, I don't have the money to bid on this "General Lee" car. Not when the OPENING bid for it was $500,000. But a bright orange car like that one admittedly would be easy to find, in a mall parking lot.

Now for some less expensive things, from the news of the last couple of days:

+ WRBL reported the Streetscape work on Broadway will be completely finished by May 13. Great - just in time to take Mom to Club Oxygen for Mother's Day.

+ Richard Bishop of Uptown Columbus Inc. went on to announce a series of four Friday night concerts on Broadway, beginning May 18. Trouble is, the stage will be at 11^th Street - a street receiving its own "Streetscape" renovation for the next few months. Maybe it's time for Columbus to host the reunion tour of "Men at Work."

+ Valley Healthcare of Talbotton unveiled a new service where patients can consult Atlanta doctors, through an Internet connection and web-cams. If the Tidwell Cancer Center did this, who knows how many X-rated web sites might be put out of business?

+ "Fiesta Columbus" began its second year in South Commons. I'm not sure who arranged the rides and the parking lot for this - but I think they're far too optimistic about how many fans will show up for Columbus Catfish games.

SCHEDULED FRIDAY: We head back to the doctor, ten days later....

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2 MAY 07: NO LOVE SEATS

The Phenix City Council took two steps Tuesday which may have left residents scratching their heads. They decided NOT to give a tax break to one business - then voted to remove a tax break for a similar business. Like an old song says: it's a long, long time from May to December....

A proposal was on the Phenix City Council agenda to give a sales tax incentive to Tate Furniture, because it's adding a Broyhill distribution center. Owner Billy Tate decided if the council could give Turner Furniture an incentive to locate in the city, he should have his own. But this could cause trouble - with criminals claiming to be "distribution centers" for cocaine next.

When the topic of Tate Furniture came up, a proposed tax incentive died - apparently because no one on the Phenix City Council made a motion to bring it to a vote. Then how did it get on the agenda to begin with? Did City Manager Bubba Roberts get a discount on a new bedroom suite?

(Things might have been different if someone made a motion for a sales tax incentive, but it died because it "lacked a second." Billy Tate has all sorts of seconds to offer the officials, in the form of grandfather clocks.)

But then came the big surprise of the session. A majority of Phenix City Council voted to withdraw the tax incentive they gave Turner Furniture several months ago. In 2007, I believe the proper and correct term for these council members is "Native American Givers."

Phenix City Councilor John Storey said Turner Furniture never should have received a tax incentive in the first place, because it would hurt city finances. This may explain why Mr. Storey does NOT go by the nickname "Developing."

Mayor Jeff Hardin supported the tax incentive for Turner Furniture all along. So he was disappointed by Tuesday's vote, saying it will set a "bad precedent." Well, not necessarily - because the talk of giving the mayor a big raise last year was revoked, too.

Mayor Jeff Hardin is concerned businesses will be reluctant to locate in Phenix City, if the city government doesn't follow through on the incentive packages it offers. To reinforce this, Hardin may invite "runaway bride" Jennifer Wilbanks to address the next council meeting.

It's not yet clear how Turner Furniture will respond, to losing its sales tax incentive for a distribution center in Phenix City. The company has several options:

+ It could move the center outside Phenix City, but to another part of Russell County. All those new workers drinking soft drinks with an extra tax would be a bonus.

+ It could shrug its corporate shoulders, go ahead with construction in Phenix City - and offer this situation for a business version of "Punk'd."

+ It could file suit against the city, especially if a contract was signed. Phenix City would have a large-scale version of an Albert Paley sculpture on its hands.

Billy Tate had talked of suing Phenix City, to get his own sales tax incentive for a distribution center. Now Turner Furniture might sue, because its own incentive was revoked. If the city council hoped to save money, it's wrong - because it's probably going to attorneys now.

Yet the Phenix City Council was in a giving mood in another area Tuesday. WRBL reported it's allowing the local Board of Education to borrow city money as needed, for new construction at Central High School. I think the school superintendent would agree this is a case of "share and DiChiara alike."

E-MAIL UPDATE: There's breaking news from one of our most-watched places - something which may be long overdue:

Hurtsboro has it's own blog! This is a forum for people of Hurtsboro, by the people of Hursboro. Comments are welcome.

http://hurtsboroalabama.blogspot.com/

Oh dear - this blog has some new competition. And given some of the writers to OUR blog from Hurtsboro, the new one might be a whole lot more interesting.

The host of "The Blog of Hurtsboro" is anonymous in Monday's first post. The theme is relatively folksy, with mentions of two local restaurants and a hardware store. I think I know who did NOT set up this blog - because the word "mayor" is spelled correctly.

We'll be watching the discussion there - but now let's see what else caught our attention Tuesday:

+ Mayor Jim Wetherington submitted his first budget plan to Columbus Council. WRBL reported it totals about $205 million, increases city employee pay, and adds a new position of "Assistant Police Chief." You mean the mayor hasn't been doing that, since he took office?

(The proposal fiscal 2008 budget reportedly includes cuts in some areas - but no details were mentioned on the late news. Our mayor must have hidden those pretty well....)

+ Columbus Council voted 9-1 for new dormitory-style apartments on South Lumpkin Road, which are likely to house Fort Benning soldiers. The apartments will be across the road from the new National Infantry Museum -- which should assure that Imax theater will have a few regular customers.

+ Rome conquered the Columbus Catfish 2-0, in an "Education Day" matinee which lasted 13 innings. I hope I'm not spoiling some teacher's project here -- but for all the students who attended this game, you watched 44.4 percent extra baseball.

+ Instant Message to the Children's Miracle Network: So who won the grand prize Tuesday night in the "Miracle Ride" raffle - that $20,000 pickup truck? Did the winner mind that the truck was a year old?

SONG OF THE DAY: A TV station's current giveaway doesn't have me "watching and winning." It has me thinking back to my youth, and - well, you'll have to hear it to understand....

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1 MAY 07: PUSHING SOUTH

Monday was the deadline for homeless people to move away from land under the Second Avenue Bridge. If you're wondering where those people are going - well, I'll put it this way. You're far more likely to find them around the Civic Center than in Green Island Hills.

BLOGGER BEGGAR #7 of 2007 came my way the other afternoon, on my last laundry day. "How're you doing?" a woman in lavender said in a loud voice as I walked in the door on South Lumpkin Road. I didn't know coin laundries were following the example of Wal-Mart, and hiring greeters.

"Hi," I said quietly as I walked by to the washers. Bits of fluid in my lungs are keeping me on the quiet side these days. The woman in lavender muttered something about my reply, to a person sitting next to her. But I had a two-hour "window" from work to get my clothes cleaned -- and guys tend to be task-focused, you know.

As I sorted out my clothing into two washers - wait, I'd better stop right here and make a true confession. I was taught long ago to divide my white items into one load, and the "colors" with permanent press items into another. If this makes me guilty of segregation, I'd like to know how minority groups deal with this.

But anyway: as I sorted out my clothing, I had a funny feeling the woman in lavender was going to talk with me again - and sure enough, she turned around in her chair. "Do you have 50 cents?" So this greeter expected a tip....

"What do you need it for?" This coin laundry does NOT have vending machines for soap or fabric softener - only food and soft drinks. If you show up without your detergent, it's up to you to try that old club soda trick on stains.

"A bag of chips. I'm hungry." The woman in lavender couldn't be thirsty, because she had a half-full bottle of Walgreens soda in her hand. At least I assumed the golden liquid inside was soda....

This seemed like an easy need to fulfill - getting the chips, as opposed to giving the woman money. So what happened? The snack machine in the laundry refused to accept any of my quarters, or even a dollar bill. If only more politicians acted this way....

"Let me get my laundry started, and I'll go buy you the chips," I assured the woman in lavender. I was a bit surprised that she accepted this. Many beggars would have moved on - deciding anything that isn't cash might as well be trash.

I returned to laundry sorting, and the woman in lavender continued a conversation with someone sitting next to her. I couldn't quite hear everything she said - but I think I heard a "God is good" among her scattered four-letter words.

But I had a lot of clothes to wash - more than the woman could handle, because she walked out of the laundry before I finished sorting. Yet I had the advantage, because she was slow and slightly staggering. If we wound up in a footrace, it might be on the order of those slow-motion scenes in "Chariots of Fire."

Finally I started the washers and headed for the door to find the begging woman. "She was kind of aggravating," said the man who listened to her long talk.

"We still have time to find her," I answered - clearly showing I hadn't listened to much of what she said.

The woman in lavender surprised me, by walking a long way down the strip mall sidewalk. "I can buy you your chips now," I said as I drew close to her. She seemed a bit surprised in response - probably because no man had pursued her for ANY reason in a long time.

The woman was in front of a small food store, but she refused to go in and buy food. "Can you give me 50 cents? A dollar?" For all the effort I'd made, you'd think she'd offer me a discount.

I noted the small food store had chips inside, but the woman only reluctantly went in with me. "Get those crackers there," she said - pointing to a six-pack of crackers, then retreating back out the door. I'm not sure why she was more comfortable in a laundry with no access to food at all.

The crackers actually saved me money, at about 45 cents a pack. As I walked outside the store after paying for them, I found the woman in lavender talking to someone who had stopped a car in the strip mall driveway. She leaned into the car through the passenger-side window - something not even Sonic car hops dare to do.

I handed the woman her pack of crackers, and apparently interrupted the pitch to her next customer. "This man could only afford to give me 50 cents," was all she said in acknowledgment of what I'd done. Well, not exactly -- 50 cents was all she wanted in the first place, and I had to chase her down to provide her help. Some beggars stretch the truth, as well as a quarter.

BLOGGER BEGGAR #8 was waiting for me Monday afternoon, as if this wasn't enough. As I walked to a convenience store on Fourth Street for soda, a man sat outside by a store corner. You don't have to consider gambling on the lottery at this store -- the odds were 60-40 he'd ask me for a handout, before I even walked inside.

"Do you have any spare change? A nickel or a dime?" Wilbur asked. He showed me a cheap paper cup with scattered change in it.

"I don't have a nickel or a dime," I said, and this was true. I intentionally walked to the store with a five-dollar bill to break by buying soda - and one mere penny for sales tax.

"What would you use the money for?" I asked Wilbur.

"Some soda." Beggars never seem to talk about getting a big return on their investments, by playing Keno.

"Let's go in, and I'll buy you soda" - but of course, Wilbur couldn't go inside the store.

"They barred me from the store."

"Why?"

"Because I was begging." At least he was business-loyal, through it all....

"Get me a Cherry Coke, in a bottle," Wilbur instructed me. Have you noticed a recent price jump in 20-ounce bottles of soda - up to $1.39 at most convenience stores? My refill cup promoting the 2005 Talladega NASCAR races looks more and more like a valuable antique.

As I approached the cash register with a bottle AND a refill cup of soda, I asked the woman behind the counter if she'd barred some people from the store for begging. Yes, some people were barred - but the woman didn't think it was for begging. Maybe they dared to holler "Money Back" in a crowded Spectrum.

I walked out of the store and handed Wilbur his bottle of Cherry Coke. "Thanks," he said. "This is good."

"Very well," I said nonchalantly as I tried to walk away toward home.

"You ever tried it?"

"Yes, I have."

"Real good, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. Anything else?"

Oops. Wilbur took a deep breath and said, "Can you come back in awhile and buy me a sandwich?" He caught me asking too open-ended a question.

I normally have a "one request per beggar" rule, but I tried to make up for my showdown defeat. "I live about a block away from here. You can come to my house."

"I thought we'd go to another store a little later, and buy a sandwich." This is a beggar's version of sharing the wealth.

"We can cut through the middleman," I told Wilbur. "You can come to my house, and I can make you a...." Oops again. I quickly considered my food stocks. "A jelly sandwich or something." Yes, some single guys do NOT have stockpiles of bologna and cheese slices.

Wilbur seemed to agree to stop by my apartment at 6:30 - and he had a nice big watch on his wrist. I didn't bother checking if it worked, or was just for show.

I was prepared to "trade up" with Wilbur, and heat him a frozen chicken dinner in the microwave. But 6:30 came and went -- and Wilbur didn't even show up by 7:05. The only fascinating visitor to appear in my living room was (ahem) ABC News correspondent Gigi Stone, reporting on raw milk.

Perhaps Wilbur found someone else to buy him a sandwich. Perhaps he lost track of time. I didn't go back to the store and look for him - because I had succumbed to "Wilbur-force" once already.

So we're now four months into 2007, and I have matched the total number of Columbus area beggars I encountered in all of 2006. I have done this without walking anywhere near the Second Avenue Bridge. So what will happen, now that the "tent city" there is practically gone? Can we start a collection drive to buy more homeless people bus tickets - maybe to Panama City or Montgomery?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Never mind that, because someone else has a cause on their mind....

Please forward and get more signatures.

Re: [AboutColumbusGA] Petition To Save Green Space-SPLOST LAND

The Misuse of SPLOST LAND=no new SPLOSTs, Will create: racial divide, lawsuits, distrust of public officials. If governance creates profit centers with the people's land for public officials' development companies, charges will be filed. The MCSB attorney is the attorney for the Library Board=conflict of interest. Bar/Ethics charges should be filed. The Library Board is unaccountable- will not answer emails,speak on phone. Can they be trusted with money? They are, elitists who planned to secretly spend $250,000 on a sculpture, in illegal unannounced meetings. ALICE BUDGE, wife of former newspaper publisher, keeps the L-E quite silent oft times, Meredith Jarrell and Bobsie Swift-the entire Library Board needs to be disbanded. Only electeds need to have control of the money. The people voted for a park. Ethics charges, complaints, law suits, should be filed by one and all if the SPLOST LAND does not become a park. Rothschild said in his resignation: THERE IS NO ROOM IN THE SPLOST FOR (COMMERCIAL, RESIDENTIAL DEVELOPMENT)- HOUSES.

Sign the Petition

To: Columbus Council, Muscogee County School Board, Chattahoochee Valley Regional Library System Board

We, the Undersigned, believe that the property around the Columbus Public Library, consisting of some 23 acres (hereinafter the "SPLOST Property") should be preserved for public use as a park/greenspace.



We, the Undersigned, respectfully request that the Columbus Council, Muscogee County School Board and Chattahoochee Valley Regional Library System Board take all necessary action to preserve sufficient SPLOST funds to allow the SPLOST Property to be developed as a park/greenspace.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

This is the promised campaign to have the local Muscogee County Library Board abolished -- but I'm not sure the "conflict of interest" complaint would be validated in court. Albany used to have a Mayor who doubled as the City Attorney, and no one tried to impeach him over that.

We'll see how far this goes -- and now let's go over some other news headlines from a steamy Monday:

+ Our best wishes to former Northern Little League pitcher Kyle Carter. We understand he needed another urgent operation on his head Saturday, but he's now doing well. Don't you wish more people could be improved with head surgery - like some of the NASCAR fans at Talladega?

+ Muscogee County school bus drivers began a week of evaluation in various skills. One test checks how well drivers can parallel-park a school bus. If you wonder why this is necessary, drive by the Space Science Center some weekday when there's a school-wide field trip.

(Another test evaluates how well Muscogee County school bus drivers can use mirrors. So which woman had the most perfect lipstick?)

+ WRBL went to Richland, to check reports of asbestos in the water supply. One man was shown checking the water in his below-ground swimming pool - which may have stunned everyone else in Stewart County, who thought no one there could afford such a thing.

+ Instant Message to Rachael Ray: It was nice of you to provide a prom for the Enterprise High School students, which you showed on TV Monday. But who came up with that theme -- "Lost in a Moment?" Isn't that what happened on March 1, which led to all this?

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 3548 (+ 98, 2.8%)

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© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.