for 3 MAY 07: PHYSICAL EDUCATION?
Recent graduates of Columbus High School may have spent part of Wednesday playing a guessing game. Which one might have been a teacher's pet - and should be thankful she was not a rabbit, during mating season?
Columbus Police announced Columbus High School teacher James Cypert had been arrested on four sexual assault counts. I understand Cypert not only taught English, but drama - but if he's only teaching it, I don't know how well he'll be able to act on the witness stand.
But several immediate questions arose about the case against James Cypert. For one thing, police say he started having an affair with an 18-year-old Columbus High School student in 2005. If the woman was 18, that means she's "of age" - unless prosecutors can prove she was assaulted somehow with a glass of beer.
Another question about the James Cypert case is that police say he had (ahem) "consensual sex" with the teenage high school student. Didn't several Fort Benning soldiers have charges against them dropped in April for this reason? Are men going to have to start carrying "consent decrees" with their Viagra bottles?
Columbus Police explain they went ahead and charged James Cypert with sexual assault because he violated the "student-teacher relationship." Sad to say, the norm anymore almost seems to be that students and teachers HAVE relationships - starting with flirting.
In a somewhat related case, Columbus Police also announced Wednesday that a substitute teacher at Carver High School was arrested for attempting to have sex with a student. Nice try, gentlemen - but Russell County Schools still have more arrests in a week than you.
Columbus Police say Roderick Branscomb touched a Carver High School student inappropriately, and tried to (ahem) make love to her. The lesson here may be that Muscogee County Schools need to play an old song by The Police on the public address systems -- "Don't Stand So Close to Me."
While James Cypert is on "administrative detail" with no student contact until his case is resolved, Roderick Branscomb is barred from being a substitute teacher at Carver anymore. And while no one may admit it publicly, he's probably barred from most Victory Drive nightclubs as well.
The thought crossed my mind Wednesday that a tabloid TV show like "Inside Edition" might come to Columbus and look into one of these cases. But then again, it probably isn't impressive enough for the staff. If the suspect was blonde and female instead of gray-haired and male, it might be different.
But what IS the deal, with all these stories of teachers having sexual affairs with their students? Aren't high school athletes good enough for teenage girls anymore? Or are too many teachers telling the boys, "True love waits" - and adding under their breath, "Until I'm through with her"?!
E-MAIL UPDATE: Maybe we should go back to a simpler time, and a TV show which didn't have much romance at all....
The link will take you to an unusual auction on eBay. Now you can buy what's supposed to be an original car driven by the Duke family in a "Dukes of Hazzard" movie. At first, I thought it was hazardous to think the offer was legitimate....
The bidding for the "General Lee" car is scheduled to close Friday morning - but somehow the bids ballooned, crossing the two-MILLION dollar mark by Wednesday afternoon. I think that's more than the total legal economy of Hazzard County, on the old TV show.
Those of you with long memories will recall "Cooter" from The Dukes of Hazzard went on to become Georgia Congressman Ben Jones. He wouldn't dare be caught driving a "General Lee" car nowadays - because the carbon emissions from that engine would get him in so much trouble with other Democrats....
No, I don't have the money to bid on this "General Lee" car. Not when the OPENING bid for it was $500,000. But a bright orange car like that one admittedly would be easy to find, in a mall parking lot.
Now for some less expensive things, from the news of the last couple of days:
+ WRBL reported the Streetscape work on Broadway will be completely finished by May 13. Great - just in time to take Mom to Club Oxygen for Mother's Day.
+ Richard Bishop of Uptown Columbus Inc. went on to announce a series of four Friday night concerts on Broadway, beginning May 18. Trouble is, the stage will be at 11th Street - a street receiving its own "Streetscape" renovation for the next few months. Maybe it's time for Columbus to host the reunion tour of "Men at Work."
+ Valley Healthcare of Talbotton unveiled a new service where patients can consult Atlanta doctors, through an Internet connection and web-cams. If the Tidwell Cancer Center did this, who knows how many X-rated web sites might be put out of business?
+ "Fiesta Columbus" began its second year in South Commons. I'm not sure who arranged the rides and the parking lot for this - but I think they're far too optimistic about how many fans will show up for Columbus Catfish games.
SCHEDULED FRIDAY: We head back to the doctor, ten days later....
This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.
BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 3696 (+ 68, 1.9%)
If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.
© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.