21 MAY 07: THY DUMP RUNNETH OVER

We're now at four months of Hurtsboro Mondays, and topics and comments about the town keep coming our way. It's reaching the point where we wonder if a Chattahoochee Valley Community College instructor will use the town, to teach drama students how to write soap operas.

The number-two city in Russell County made the late TV news this past week. And as it did, the elected official who watches Hurtsboro was writing us anew:

BULLETIN!!!

Here in "Hurt'sboro the underpaid (sometime unpaid) city workers are expected to move mountains of garbage on a weekly basis to a landfill. Sometimes they succeed - sometimes it goes rather badly. The poor fellows are expected to perform this unsavory task with worn-out trucks that are financed far beyond their worth.

This week disaster struck!!! both trucks went down - and a rented dumpster at the citie's "Open" dump (that's a no-no) was overflowing!!! The result was garbage that was placed curbside early Monday morning, and waste from a restaurant that was set out Saturday at noon went uncollected until very late Wednesday evening!

How could this happen? It's simple.Although city officials were apprised; they took no steps to address the problem. The citizens, as is their wont sat placidly by while the piles of refuse mounted.

"Somehow" FOX 54 and CH> 9 got "wind" of the mess and sent a camera crew to our town.They were fortunate enough to locate our mare at a social function and she commented (off camera) that the sneaky citizens had put that garbage out after the routine pick-up just to embarrass her!!

Well. Whatever. There was a great deal of scurrying well into the evening Wednesday evening.

The mare still has problems though - two fully loaded inoperable garbage trucks are sitting at our dump site and next week's routine is rapidly approaching!

Oh Well! That's the way we operate in "Hurt'sboro!!

Constable R.J. Schweiger

At least Hurtsboro has city workers who collect the trash, as opposed to Columbus. The town must not have enough jail inmates to do the job for free.

If Hurtsboro's city officials "took no steps to address the problem," how did the garbage get collected Wednesday evening? Did some Union Springs trash truck driver happen to pass the restaurant, and smell a chance for extra money?

Hurtsboro's Mayor may have given the TV stations an "after the deadline" garbage excuse, but she told a different story to the Opelika-Auburn News. Sandra Tarver-Yoda said she called Sunflower Waste last Tuesday to request the city's rented dumpster be replaced. So in Hurtsboro the slogan may be, "One call, one day, that's all."

Mayor Sandra Tarver-Yoda told the newspaper no one ever called her about the lack of garbage pickup, while the acting City Clerk received one complaint. That's the thing about living in a small town like Hurtsboro . People come to expect things to move slower -- and even the mayor uses that against the people as an excuse.

While many people in Hurtsboro seemed to be patient with the garbage situation, Constable R.J. Schweiger apparently was not. In fact, I understand HE was the one who alerted the TV stations to the situation last week. I'm starting to wonder if he's the only person in town with Internet access.

So as a new week begins in Hurtsboro, so does a new drama. Can the city find a way to repair the trash trucks, so garbage can be collected? What will be done if that doesn't happen - especially since all of Alabama is now under a fire alert?

The "bulletin" about trash service actually was the second e-mail we received last week from the Constable. R.J. Schweiger was quick to respond to last Monday's interview with a consultant to Hurtsboro -- but as is our policy, we're removing phone numbers of third parties and editing one profanity:

Sir Richard:

Your latest BLOG reinforces my belief that you should never dignify accusations with a response!!

Bob Corwin's feeble attempt to justify what he's doing in "Hurt'sboro is laughable!! And, his threats at litigation and inflicting bodily harm (thumping my head) unveils the propensity of those in "charge" in this old town to resort to violence. First, there was Gary Williams, then "Judge" Ken White, and now, Bob Corwin!! Perhaps the "Park" is a good idea - it could provide an arena to further the violence that simmers here!!

As I've done before, let me edit some of Corwin's (perhaps intentional) erroneous responses.

The statement that no matching funds are requred is false. At this time the Dept. of Economic Development is willing to accept a written committment - but at the end of the day the city will owe $15,000.00 * Johnny Streeter....

The required bidding process should be interesting - since there's no actual blueprint - or description of a proposed pavillion.

Mr. Corwin took exception to my description of the park site - I did the best that I could - with the information at hand. "Somewhere in "Hurt'sboro south of the railroad tracks. So help me; that's the description in the Enviormental Review Repot!! And, if you care to verify my facts - a portion of the area IS in a flood plain. * Chance Corett (Homeland Security)....

Mr. Corwin is correct - I did send photo's of the disgusting mess that already exists at the "Park" site. If that's what it takes to get a grant; I've got plenty more of; potholed streets, empty stores, junk police cars, and an open dump. That surely will turn the trick!!

Oh yes! I admit to being a "troublemaker" if that description is of someone who asks legitimate questions and expects honest answers. And as far as making a difference (either good or bad) it's been an exercise in futility.

The people in "Hurt'sboro are either tired, afraid, or just don't give a d**n!!!

Constable R.J. Schweiger

. Yeow - what sort of violence could a Russell County Judge threaten to do to the Constable? Providing legal assistance without a license doesn't seem like a death penalty case to me.

The Opelika-Auburn News had a story on the park improvements this past week as well. Before we go further, I should point out that I know no one at that newspaper. I've never even subscribed to that newspaper. If that will keep a conspiracy theory from starting, so be it....

Friday's newspaper noted the city of Hurtsboro is "contributing" $15,000 to the park improvement project. The article didn't call it "matching funds." And since the Alabama state grant is for about $128,000, that amount from the city is about as much of a "match" as I am for America's Next Top Model.

The $15,000 from the city of Hurtsboro apparently will pay for a pavilion, since it wasn't on the list of items Bob Corwin mentioned to me. The Opelika-Auburn News called it a "picnic pavilion," which seems to include barbecue grills. Disgruntled CharBroil employees might be willing to donate some of their own....

I'm a bit surprised R.J. Schweiger had a problem putting a street address on the park in question. Or is the Constable implying Hurtsboro's planned improvement is literally on the wrong side of the tracks?

In fact, the Opelika-Auburn News put an address on the park project. If the Constable's taking notes on our blog, and we've come to think he does - it's called Main Street.

But another part of the park address is quite an eye-opener. The newspaper says it's "behind the Junior Educators of Tomorrow building." That means it's behind a business operated by the mayor! So we may not have any problem finding the dedication plaque....

The newspaper report on the park project said Hurtsboro has hired an engineer for the work, and is considering an architect. Now hold on a minute - maybe you need an "architect" to build a picnic pavilion. But couldn't you simply make a shopping trip to Lowe's?!

As for the Constable's three theories on the people of Hurtsboro - I'm reminded of an old slogan for Atlanta: "The city too busy to hate." Maybe Hurtsboro is the town too busy commuting to notice anything is wrong.

Meanwhile, a new "snail mail" from Russell C. Ounti has reached our mailbox. He challenges our own conspiracy theory of last Monday, explaining he sends Constable R.J. Schweiger a copy of everything he sends us. OK, we'll accept that - especially since it would cost Columbus Police a lot of time and money to dust the letters for fingerprints.

Mr. Ounti's latest letter begins: "NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY! It isn't nice to try to unmask a willing contributor." Maybe not - but even those Washington Post reporters years ago knew who "Deep Throat" was.

The letter asks why we haven't tried to learn the identity of other e-mailers about Hurtsboro. To clear up any confusion: we DO know their identities - but they asked to remain anonymous, because they feared some sort of retaliation by Constable Schweiger. Maybe they'd be asked to fix the city trash trucks or something....

As for someone's effort to launch a blog about Hurtsboro - it may be down for the count. We couldn't call it up again Sunday, instead seeing a "404 not found" error. How annoyed must the city of Atlanta be, about having its area code applied to something like that?

I heard somewhere recently the typical blog writer stops writing a blog after about three months. So be careful -- people like me who have been at it more than four years might be obsessive-compulsive....

BLOG UPDATE: I'd like to take some space today to thank all of you who offered kind words and prayers over my recent health problems. A doctor confirmed this past week I had "walking pneumonia." It's a bit strange that one symptom of walking pneumonia is (ahem) having runs in the bathroom....

The persistent coughing practically has stopped, and I'm spitting out grunge nowhere near as much as I did a few weeks ago. Besides, I'm tired of cleaning my plastic cups which doubled as spittoons - so now I settle for spitting in the nearest sink.

There's still a touch of fluid in my lungs, which is noticeable when I first try to speak. After I clear my throat, everything seems to be fine. So if it sounds for a moment like I'm talking from the bottom of a swimming pool, please understand....

When it comes to exercise, the last few weeks have felt like I was learning to run all over again. A breakthrough came Saturday night, when I jogged more than 1.6 miles non-stop. If I can keep this up, no one will be able to accuse me of running Fat Boy's Farmers Market.

I strongly believe the church congregation I attend has been passing this problem back and forth for months. A husband and wife in their seventies developed it first. Then a father did (but his wife and children didn't). And this weekend, we learned a preschooler is sick with viral pneumonia -- which really is turning into very old-monia.

There's one unexpected fringe benefit to having health problems. Telemarketers hang up on you right away. The other night, someone called from the Fraternal Order of Police:

"Can we count on you for some support?"

"I can't afford it right now."

"As little as 19 dollars?"

"Well, I have about 700 dollars in health bills...."

Click. It's as if the telemarketer thought I'd pass on my pneumonia over the phone.

As I pray for the healing to continue to completion, let's complete this entry with some Sunday news highlights:

+ The annual "Arts in the Park" event at Lakebottom Park had a record 70 booths. If the organizers aren't careful, police are going to start calling it "Family Day in the Park training camp."

+ The evening news reported the Georgia Forestry Commission has cut more than 200 jobs since 1991. To which the Garden Club of Georgia said, "So? How many trees have they cut?"

+ Columbus State's baseball team advanced to the Division II World Series, by winning two games over Mount Olive College of North Carolina. Perhaps we should have seen this coming - that Mount Olive would wind up in a pickle.

(So Columbus State has made the national championship tournament in both baseball and softball! That probably doesn't happen very often. It's a bit like North Carolina in men's and women's basketball - although the C.S.U. coaches don't face calls for their firing if they fall short of the final round.)

+ Masters champion Zach Johnson won the AT&T Classic golf tournament near Atlanta. He prevailed in a playoff against Ryuji Imada, who wore an Aflac cap and carried Aflac gear. Imada hit his second shot into the water - as if he expected the Aflac duck really would come to his rescue.

+ Instant Message to the man who left a message on my answering machine Sunday morning: No, I didn't forget. Yes, I watched the finals of the National Heads-Up Poker Championship. And yes, I noticed how NBC paid much more attention to Shannon Elisabeth losing in the semifinal round than the two men at the last table.

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