20 MAY 07: FOR THE BIRDS
"How are you today?" a woman asked as I walked into a store the other day. I was OK. The doctor had just told me so, saying I "had my color back." Since the doctor is African-American, she was in a position to know.
But it quickly became clear I would NOT be the focus of this short shopping trip -- as the woman in the back of the store then said something about square dancing. I didn't even walk inside wearing blue jeans.
I know some things about square dancing, from the one-week "intensives" we did in the gym during grade school physical education class long ago. In fact, it could come to mind if you head east on 11th Street from downtown toward the foundry and Wynnton Road. You'll have to turn a "grand right and left."
"He can't do square dancing," the woman said of an older man nearby. Then she proceeded to show me his steps - one step to the side, then a slow step back.
"It's like basketball," I suggested. "He's keeping the pivot foot."
The woman who worked at the store was a bit amused by this - but said, "He doesn't play basketball. He's too short." Have THAT many people forgotten the Spud Webb years with the Atlanta Hawks?
The man who couldn't square dance disappeared to a back room of the store - so now the female employee started working on me. "Woodpeckers talk to me," she said. "Do you believe that?"
If this was Wild Birds Unlimited, that comment might have made sense. But I was inside a bread store on Warm Springs Road - and I was starting to wonder if this woman had put some strange topping on her English muffin.
"I don't know," was my answer to the woman's question. I didn't expect any questions about woodpeckers at a place like this. And my knowledge about woodpeckers was limited to the old cartoons with Woody.
"They talk to me every day," the woman continued - apparently trying to goad a response from me. But she actually was distracting me from finding something to go with my two loaves of whole-wheat bread. Thankfully, I had enough fiber in my being left over from breakfast to keep my mouth shut.
"And they love coconut doughnuts," the woman went on. Good -- that was one item NOT to consider buying.
"There it is," the woman pointed as I reached her checkout stand. A framed photo of a woodpecker was on the wall behind her. I didn't notice any pictures of family members - so perhaps you can conclude which one visits her more regularly.
"Now do you believe me, that they talk to me?"
"I don't know," the journalist in me answered. I'd have to personally hear this to know for sure. And I admittedly was trying to cut the discussion short, in case the woman had another pressing topic waiting to bring up -- like daylilies.
"Here he is with the doughnuts." The woman had a couple of loose photos by the cash register -- and sure enough, doughnuts were on the ground next to a woodpecker. How that bird stayed slim and trim, I'm not really sure.
"I think God sends him every day," the woman continued. Maybe God's sending me something similar to that - yet I keep killing the cockroaches in the kitchen.
By now I'd signed the credit card statement for my two loaves of bread and a small apple pie. But the employee was dominating the discussion so much, I decided to be humble. "Anything else?" I asked without moving for the door.
"Yes" - and the woman reached under the counter. She pulled out two folders with about 20 more woodpecker photos. Rather surprisingly, a membership card in the Audubon Society was nowhere to be found.
"You know what the woodpecker says?" I still hadn't committed to the woman's question, so she finally offered what apparently was her punch line. "He says caw, caw, caw." So much for a "Ghost Whisperer" spinoff show....
At this point, another customer thankfully had reached the cash register. "Have a wonderful day," the cashier said - and I was dismissed. I kept my best poker face, and walked out the door - resisting the urge to double-sashay.
E-MAIL UPDATE: Tavis Smiley's interview with the author of a book on the Stocking Strangler case brought a response Saturday - not so much toward Smiley, but what we wrote about him:
Read your comment on the Big Eddy Club. But you did not refute one fact that was in the book you only made light of it, what questions would you ask Mr.Rose?
Surely you can do better than that
Jusus
Hope Is Not A Strategy
But Then Again........
I Might be Totally Wrong.
To be honest, at this point I wouldn't be ready to ask David Rose any questions. I haven't read his book. I wasn't in Columbus when the Stocking Strangler killings and trial happened. And I don't have a staff of researchers, like I would have guessed Tavis Smiley would use to help him prepare.
(And to be even more honest, I'm not much of a book reader. I find myself too busy to sit down with such things, and give them my full attention. There's work to do, a daily blog to write - not to mention my recent in-depth Biblical analysis of what an "everlasting covenant" is.)
I don't know if Richard Hyatt knew the PBS interview was coming, but he wrote a column in Friday's Ledger-Enquirer taking issue with some of David Rose's facts. Hyatt noted Calvin Smyre is a banker, not a lawyer. And Hyatt revealed First Presbyterian Church's attendance is lower than Rose claims in his book - which must have been humbling to church Pastor Charles Hasty.
Speaking of church, we also received a message about our thoughts on the late Jerry Falwell:
I taught a student from the ghetto who was trying his best to reach some goals in life...He got a scholarship to Liberty Baptist graduated then stayed on to work for Rev.Falwell. This young man who could have become another prison statistic instead became a good husband and Christian man..I got the nicest letter from Rev.Falwell telling me that this throw away kid appreciated the encouragement I gave him...Hats off to Rev.Falwell..You might not always agree with his religious view,but he did educate many of American's lost generation...
At the church I attend, I was a bit surprised that Jerry Falwell's name did NOT come up this weekend. One man talked at length about a week-long radio series James Dobson did, on the threat of radical Islam. And our sermon was about the adultery commandment -- which of course meant Bill Clinton received a mention.
Now for other things which came up, on a picture-perfect spring weekend:
+ Which attorney in the Historic District had his large wooden sign flipped over in the front yard? How nasty a divorce case must that have been?
+ Several Columbus gas stations held tough, and kept their prices below three dollars a gallon. They include Raceway on Victory Drive, BP across from the Civic Center, and Summit at 15th and Veterans Parkway - where I'm surprised some radio station didn't park a van outside to take credit for it.
+ The President of Costa Rica announced he no longer will allow police to be trained at Fort Benning's Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation. Instead, Costa Rican poker star Humberto Brenes will lead officers in "psy-ops" techniques such as dancing, wearing funny hats and attacking with toy animals.
+ The trustees of Lyman Ward Military Academy in Tallapoosa Academy decided to keep the school open one more year. If enrollment doesn't show a significant increase, cadets will be urged to drive to Fort Benning and head directly into basic training.
+ The Springer Opera House announced its 2007-08 schedule. One play is "Enchanted April," about four women on vacation in Italy. It opens October 18 - allowing flag-waving veterans five months to organize a picket line.
(I've heard of "chick flicks" at the movies, but what do you call a production like this? I don't think "broads on the boards" would be quite appropriate....)
+ The Challenger Space Science Center showed a movie outside at sunset. When I jogged by, only about 40 people were watching on the lawn - indicating next time, the staff needs to sell bags of popcorn on the side.
+ The Russell County Soccer Club held an equipment collection drive, for soldiers in Iraq. Hopefully people won't confuse this with the Russell County High School baseball team - which was kicked around like a soccer ball in the third game of the 6A finals.
SCHEDULED MONDAY: The Hurtsboro debate turns downright trashy.... and we'll postpone the health update till then....
This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.
BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2554 (- 480, 15.8%)
If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.
© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.