8 MAY 07: AQUA FORCE

A TV meteorologist noted Monday Columbus has a rain deficit for the year of more than seven inches. It's getting so bad that I think Mayor Wetherington ought to lease some railroad cars, hurry to Kansas and fill them up with flood waters.

The rules for outdoor watering became tougher across Georgia several weeks ago. But we wondered about the exact rules when this e-mail reached us:

Why can businesses run their sprinklers any time and any day they want,but I have to follow the law? (that includes CSU)

Well, who said they could? I don't recall hearing about any exceptions to the rules - but I've heard about plenty of homeowners who have decided they want to be.

Your blog called Columbus Water Works Monday to flush out learn the facts about this. A woman in the central office told me there are NO exceptions to water rules for businesses. That means not even they can water lawns on Fridays - when many people take their minds off such things at "watering holes."

But what the woman at Columbus Water Works told me is not exactly true. I called up the detailed water rules of the Georgia Environmental Protection Division Monday evening - and right at the top of page one, there's a section for "exemptions." Even in a bucket for conserving water, politics can have its loopholes.

The third page of the Georgia E.P.D. lists several exemptions to the opposite-side water rules:

+ "Irrigation of personal food gardens." So water conservation is NOT a big conspiracy to sell Miracle-Gro.

+ "Irrigation of newly installed landscapes." Perhaps Columbus State University is holding tryouts for groundkeepers.

+ Tees and greens on golf courses. To borrow from an old commercial, membership has its privileges....

+ Construction sites. Now this is surprising - because why would you need to sprinkle water on quarry rock and parking lots?

+ "Watering-in of pesticides and herbicides on turf." If you can make some phony Chem-Lawn odor before the inspectors show up, you might catch a break.

+ "Other activities essential to daily business." This looks like the biggest loophole of all. If a restaurant can prove more green on the lawn leads to more green in the cash registers....

So a business could have all sorts of reasons for running water sprinklers out of turn. And with the supposed lack of enforcement of the water restrictions in Columbus, it can find time to cover the tracks of its wet shoes.

"What about public agencies?" I asked the Columbus Water Works woman. "Like a college?" She searched through her "level two drought response" rules and found nothing exempting them. So the Water Works office on Veterans Parkway should take the lead, and have brown grass before anyone else.

"You mean C.S.U.?" the woman asked after checking the rules.

"Yes."

"Do you want to report them?" I didn't expect that question.

"Yes." I did it for the e-mailer - so maybe he or she will send me a six-pack of Dasani water as a thank-you gift.

So you can call Columbus Water Works to report a violation - but how much good will it really do? Is there a team of "water cops," which will go to Columbus State University and demand answers? Does it have its own C.S.I. team - as in Corrupt Sprinkler Investigators?

We'll see what comes of this probe of Columbus State and its sprinkler systems. Maybe a university employee will confess to breaking the drought rules - but claim Columbus Water Works forced it out of him through water-boarding.

Now we have a couple of days' news to catch up on....

+ Georgia Insurance Commissioner John Oxendine came to Columbus, to announce Pollyanna Johnson is wanted for insurance fraud. Trouble is, Johnson is believed to be in New Hampshire right now - so why doesn't Oxendine go there, and start rumors he might run for President while he's at it?

(Pollyanna Johnson is accused of pocketing nearly $5,000 in insurance premiums from A-Cab. The taxi company never really was insured, and the manager says one wreck would have cost him everything. Maybe our suspect secretly wants cab drivers to be a little more careful in traffic.)

+ Aflac held its annual shareholders meeting at the Columbus Museum. A crew from ABC's "Nightline" was there, taping an upcoming report on the company's success. Maybe their reporter finally can get the still-nameless duck to open up, and say some other words.

+ Auburn Police arrested a suspect in the theft of an automated teller. Someone stole a truck, rammed it through the front door of Colonial University Village and stole an ATM in the middle of the mall. The criminals apparently couldn't figure out how malls get those display cars inside, either.

+ WRBL news anchor Phil Scoggins climbed inside a burning test house, for a special report on fire safety. Challenged and motivated by this, WLTZ commentator Al Fleming will attempt to sit through an entire Muscogee County Democratic Party meeting.

+ Atlanta beat the Los Angeles Dodgers 6-4, on a Sunday billed as "Bark in the Park Day" at Turner Field. Fans were urged to bring their dogs to the baseball stadium -- and I hope the cleaning crew received double time afterwards.

+ Instant Message to WKZJ "K-92.7 FM": I'm stunned - STUNNED! I mean, by your new "Quiet Storm" program in the evening. You actually added a LOCAL announcer?! So many Columbus radio stations seem prepared to do away with them....

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