The Blog of Columbus, Georgia : my funny motto

30 NOV 06: GOOD SITE, BAD SITE

In this era of blogs and Myspace, anyone can have a "web site" of some kind. Businesses have them. Political campaigns have them. Even high school classes have them to promote their reunions - although the one my class had for its 25-year reunion in 2001 was abandoned by this year. Apparently 30 years are too much for many of my classmates to bear.

In the last 48 hours, we've strangely received two e-mails about the same web site - apparently from two different places, with two very different viewpoints. This one reached us first:

Richard,

I have to tell you I really enjoy reading your blog.

You haven't said anything about the new look of the WRBL website. Have you seen it? I think it looks great and is a good way to keep up all day with current news in the Columbus area. Check it out!

An Avid Reader

Thanks for the nice words, A.A. - but to be honest, I haven't said anything about changes at ANY of the TV station web sites. And I thought it was a major development when WXTX put Roszell Gadson and Deborah Singer at the top of its home page for awhile, replacing Hank Hill and Bart Simpson.

So we checked the WRBL web site. The top of the home page has changed, to reflect the new logo and news set of recent months. And three anchors are shown there - although I'm wondering if Jack Rodgers and Bruce Frazier are going to have a competition, to determine who will represent the sports department.

WRBL has joined the wave of news web sites letting you view televised reports online. There's even a way for you to obtain text messages of breaking news on your cell phone. And some people I know will be thrilled to learn this -- the short commercials for an Auburn car dealer inside news stories seem to be gone.

We don't usually mention this, but we must note the e-mail above came from a woman with the last name of Sweigart. Keep that in mind, as you read a second e-mail which arrived Wednesday:

Richard,

You often talk about local TV news, but I am surprised since your domain is on the Internet why you don't chat up more about their companion web sites. Often they are a poor excuse for reading...full of grammatical and spelling errors, not to mention news that's never updated. As I write this, one local TV website still has a story about a plane crash east of Columbus. It appears this crash is way EAST of Columbus since the web site still says their crews are on the scene, and it's "developing".

Plane Reported Down

Chris Sweigart | csweigart@wrbl.com

Site Coordinator, WRBL.com

November 28, 2006

Emergency Responders are investigating reports of a plane down East of Columbus.

Authorities have not been able to find the alleged down plane.

News 3 has crews on the scene.

Developing...

My guess is either cell phones don't work that far east, the station crew ran out of gas perhaps....or just maybe they forgot to update their top story after 10 hours. Which one do you think is right? I'm glad I don't depend on this TV web site to keep me up to date. Your daily blog is a far better source of information.

Bob

Phenix City

Thanks for YOUR nice words, Bob - but now I'm feeling a bit guilty. I never knew about that possible plane crash until I watched the WRBL news Tuesday. So I never even went to the scene, much less take a crew -- and I'm not sure my neighbor would have been welcome with his BB gun.

I'm going to guess Bob's last theory is the right one. The WRBL web crew forgot to update Tuesday evening's top story by Wednesday morning. But then again, maybe the web crew was at the scene trying to find the plane....

(But to be fair, I think there are some places east of Columbus where cell phones don't work -- or they won't until Box Springs residents are persuaded to accept phone towers.)

I can understand Bob's concern about TV news web sites, and the errors they can have. Even in the short news item Bob sent us, it's called a "down plane." If it was made of feathers, you'd think it would have a soft landing.

The WRBL home page also shows the station supports the "Musculary Dystrophy Association." Y? Because Jerry Lewis cares....

I don't claim to be Mr. Know-It-All about the Internet, but at least one company which hosts TV station web sites has built-in SpellCheck capability. You simply click a button to run it as you post the story. But trust me on this - when a SpellCheck doesn't recognize the word "blog," can you really trust it?

So why don't I "chat up" TV station web sites? It's part of my grand strategy. The more annoyed you are with them, the more likely you are to come back to me. NYAH-ha-ha-ha-ha....

Now let's see if I can spell better than everyone else, as we review Wednesday's headlines:

+ Columbus educators began a two-day seminar on teenage gangs. Police say at least a dozen gangs are operating across the city. There's a way to bring them all together and make peace - but the city's trying to crack down on those Bradley Theatre parties.

(If police really want to go after the gangs, here's an idea I haven't heard anyone mention. Do criminal background checks on anyone buying spray paint.)

+ A Columbus woman told the evening news a fire truck crashed into her car because the truck's brakes failed. Larinrea Faye Wilson suggested this proves the Columbus Fire Department fails to properly maintain its vehicles. How does she know this, based on one wreck? The University of Alabama waited 23 losses, before it knew its football coach was a failure.

+ Albany city officials asked the Georgia Department of Transportation to extend Interstate 185 south of Columbus, and all the way to Florida. WRBL talked to one woman in Richland who predicted the town would not benefit, because all the business would locate near the interstate. Two-word answer -- downtown Starbucks.

+ Troy Public Radio's "Community Focus" discussed historic Fendall Hall in Eufaula. Site Director Deborah Casey insisted the hall's "correct colors" are the brown shades painted in the 1880's, as opposed to the original white with green shutters from the 1820's. If it's not one division over colors in the South, it's another....

+ A Birmingham radio talk show host accused the Birmingham News of covering up a possible scandal, connecting Alabama Attorney General Troy King with fired college Chancellor Roy Johnson. WAPI's Frank Matthews claimed the newspaper hid the story until after the election because it endorsed King. Matthews never needs to have a psychic for a guest - because he apparently is one.

+ Former Atlanta infielder Jim Morrison was named the manager of the Columbus Catfish. It looks like we'll hear "Light My Fire" at Golden Park at least once per game next season.

+ The National Football League fined Atlanta quarterback Michael Vick $10,000 for his (ahem) "finger pointing" after Sunday's loss. You may recall Vick was fined $5,000 a few years ago for not keeping his socks up straight. So in the league of "one knee equals two feet,"there's a new rule: one finger equals four ankles.

+ Instant Message to the man I saw dancing outside near Fourth and Veterans Parkway, singing "Jimmy Crack Corn and I Don't Care": If I had a video camera and put your strange act on YouTube, I suspect you would care....

SCHEDULED FRIDAY: A Georgia company that's giving away convertibles.... or is it?....

Thousands of visitors read this blog every month, in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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-- posted by Richard at 12:00 AM

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

29 NOV 06: UPTOWN VS. GOING DOWN

The President of Uptown Columbus announced Tuesday his organization is thinking about buying the Bradley Theatre on Broadway. Wouldn't that theatre look great in a nice shade of Business Improvement District purple?

Uptown Columbus President Richard Bishop revealed his interest in the Bradley Theatre, as Columbus Council considered recent complaints about unrest there. You may have seen the home videos of big crowds on the sidewalk on weekends, with occasional scuffles. You'd think the Chamber of Commerce would be promoting this, as proof of downtown's big comeback....

(Of course, how good are these home videos if they haven't made YouTube yet? We found one there Tuesday night from S.O.A. Watch weekend, which claims to show "a riot" downtown. Moving your camera back and forth wildly outside the Trade Center doesn't seem like a riot to me.)

Some downtown residents say the owner of the Bradley Theatre has turned it into a virtual nightclub, by holding weekend parties where alcohol is served. And here's the worst part - the theatre isn't showing any first-run movies during the parties.

The Bradley Theatre's owner says he's been abiding by city rules. The owner's name is Dave Thirruppathi, so I'm surprised he doesn't focus on holding concerts. You know, for some music Thiruppathi....

But Columbus Police officials announced at the Council meeting they will no longer allow off-duty officers to work at the Bradley Theatre. That rule applies to bars and nightclubs - but I'm not sure if there's an exemption for churches which serve wine during communion.

Dave Thirruppathi revealed at the Columbus Council meeting he's had the Bradley Theatre on the market for a year. Apparently he's been unable to convince potential buyers the "StreetScape" project on Broadway will end someday.

So Uptown Columbus is considering purchasing the Bradley Theatre. President Richard Bishop said it's a location which can hold 1,500 people. So that card I found guaranteeing 5,000 people at a Fountain City Classic party must have included the brawlers on the sidewalk....

Richard Bishop may have something different in mind for the Bradley Theatre. He told WRBL it might be a theatre. Oh no - does Columbus really need another antique mall?

It appears easy to read between the lines of Tuesday's announcements at Columbus Council. If Uptown Columbus buys the Bradley Theatre, the big open-to-all weekend parties will stop. So those revised applications for Club Roc in Phenix City can't be completed soon enough.

It also seems many of the Bradley Theatre's parties have catered to young African-American people. If Uptown Colunbus buys the theatre, it would better fit the "target audience" for Broadway - people who listen to WCGQ 107.3 or WGSY "Sunny 100." Country music fans don't even have hay bales in the middle of Broadway to sit on anymore.

It would be nice if the Bradley Theatre was modified to offer the same sort of thing the Carmike 15 is showing - digital versions of special movies and major sports events. I guess this already is happening to some extent. One home video clip showed "Extreme Freestyle Fighting" on the marquee - only the tape seemed to show it happening on the sidewalk.

E-MAIL UPDATE: OK, it's not quite a "Blog Exclusive" if part of it is also in the Ledger-Enquirer. But we posted Tuesday's main story first (yes, we checked) - and that story led to this message:

Richard,

You mentioned the movie being made about the Iraq veteran who was murdered in Columbus. The newspaper also did an article about it this morning. But neither of you said where it was going to be filmed. Has it been decided yet? Is Columbus a possibility? Enquiring minds want to know!

Wanna be an "Extra"

I went back to the IMDB listing Tuesday, to answer these questions. I regret to tell you most of the filming of "In the Valley of Elah" is taking place in New Mexico. So don't go spending that "extra" paycheck on a new wardrobe at Parisian just yet.

An IMDB message board led me to a web site which is advertising for actors in "In the Valley of Elah." The producers actually are looking for military veterans from Afghanistan and Iraq, to appear in the cast. Let's all hope they don't act like the killers of Richard Davis, and turn on the movie's director.

By the way, the Mick Walsh article at the Ledger-Enquirer's web site DOES say "In the Valley of Elah" will be filmed in New Mexico and Morocco. Maybe that nice front-page picture of Charlize Theron distracted some male readers....

Now let's get caught up on mayoral matters - beginning with the outgoing one, and an item we mentioned Monday:

How interesting that Mayor Bob asked the Ledger not to break the story of the police vice squad problem until after the elections..The article writter said it was not ready ..didn't matter did it...

I guess it didn't - but where is the follow-up to this? Where is Mayor-Elect Jim "Big Chief" Wetherington, to explain what he plans to do about the new Special Operations Unit? Has he been out of town, trying to fill all the police department openings before taking office?

Our last e-mail goes back to a former mayor:

Judge Peters got married huh!?! I had't heard anything about this tidbit till reading your blog [26 Nov]. I never heard rumor of his lady till then and was shocked he married again. I am curious as to why she is going by only two last names (KIm Peters) and dropped the first name Yongmi althoghter??? To sound more American maybe??? The ad was very short although colorful. Good Luck to them both.

You raise an interesting question, but my follow-up call to Judge Bobby Peters still has not been returned. Perhaps he's been too busy getting down to (ahem) judicial business....

We should note in Asian culture, the order of names can be opposite those of Western countries. So Kim could be her given name, with Yongmi as the maiden name. But I suppose Yongmi could always come back, when the newlyweds check into nearby motels.

We thank all of you who write us, and now let's check other Tuesday headlines:

+ The high temperature in Columbus was 76 degrees F. But I toughed it out, and refused to plug in my computer room floor fan. With no web-cam plugged in, you never let them see you sweat.

+ The evening news showed an outdoor classroom at Lakewood Elementary School in Phenix City. We knew Alabama's Governor wanted to save money by getting back to the basics of education -- but reducing the lighting bill seems like a bit much.

+ The interim Columbus Finance Director promised to start submitting regular budget reports. The City Manager will get one every month. Columbus Council will get one every quarter. And Columbus journalists will get one every time they have the money to file legal documents.

+ The Macon City Council considered a proposal to fine panhandlers 500 dollars. Who came up with this idea?! They'll have to beg three times as hard, to raise the money.

+ Former President Jimmy Carter appeared on the PBS "NewsHour," and accused the Bush administration of doing nothing to promote Israeli-Palestinian peace in six years. With all due respect, Mr. President - have you noticed our government has been busy with other things? They're called Iraq and Afghanistan....

+ Louisville head football coach Bob Petrino said he is NOT interested in taking over at Alabama. I'm not sure if he's simply happy with his current job - or if he doesn't want to see Auburn trustee Bobby Lowder, even once a year from a distance.

+ The Auburn men's basketball team needed a big comeback plus overtime to beat Nicholls State of Louisiana -- at home. I wouldn't bet any Nicholls on the Tigers winning the Southeastern Conference title....

+ Hockey's Atlanta Thrashers beat the New York Rangers 5-4 in overtime. The winning goal was scored by Bobby Holik, the 300th of his career. But I'm not inviting him to my home - because as we all know, a Holik can waste energy.

(At one critical point late in the game, Thrashers radio announcer Dan Kamal twice yelled "SIT DOWN!" to the boisterous Madison Square Garden crowd. I thought that arena had press boxes for the broadcasters - but maybe they've been turned into skyboxes for all of Donald Trump's assistants.)

+ Instant Message to Jared from Subway: Congratulations! By putting down Burger King's "BK Stackers," you win the prize for the first attack ad of the Georgia runoff.

COMING THURSDAY: We're asked to evaluate an updated local web site....

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-- posted by Richard at 12:07 AM

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

28 NOV 06: REMEMBERING RICHARD

No, today's entry is NOT a reminder to put me on your list for year-end cards. I receive plenty of cards in the mail throughout the year. About 15 of them are fake promotional credit cards from Capital One....

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: Your blog has learned a campaign is beginning to build an Iraq War Veterans Memorial in Columbus. Our apologies to the Third Brigade at Fort Benning for mentioning this -- because you probably want your next tour of duty in Iraq to be as comfortable and carefree as possible.

The Iraq War Veterans Memorial is a project of the "Richard Thomas Davis Foundation for Peace" - named for the veteran who was murdered by fellow Fort Benning soldiers three years ago. Davis's killers probably are more concerned right now about building a foundation for appeals.

The family of Richard Davis is creating this foundation through public donations, and promoting it through the web site of North Georgia author Cilla McCain. We told you in September [15 Sep] she's working on a possible book about the Davis murder case. Somehow I do NOT think the title will be, "If They Did It, Here's How It Happened."

The web page explaining the "Foundation for Peace" says it is NOT pro- or anti-war. Instead, its focus is to make sure military personnel are screened for mental problems and criminal histories before they're admitted. That's the part of the military draft proposal Rep. Charles Rangel didn't bother to tell you about.

The family of Richard Davis isn't sure yet how the Iraq War Veterans Memorial would look. One idea is to have a water fountain, which would be only fitting for the "Fountain City" of Columbus. In fact, we found a prime location a couple of weeks ago -- when that water main was broken at the airport.

When she informed us about plans for the Iraq War Veterans Memorial, Cilla McCain also had an update on plans for a movie about the Richard Davis murder case. The fictionalized story has been given the title "In the Valley of Elah" - borrowing from the Biblical location where David took on Goliath. Trouble is, modern-day Iraq is more like fighting a Biblical beast with seven heads.

There might actually be two movies about the Richard Davis case. Cilla McCain tells me the screenwriter of "In the Valley of Elah" wants to turn her book notes into a documentary. If this comes out during the 2008 Presidential campaign, we might learn whatever happened to the "Swift Boat Veterans for Peace."

By the way, don't be surprised if the Ledger-Enquirer begins calling events in Iraq a "civil war." Parent company McClatchy Newspapers used the phrase on its web site Monday, and an executive told National Public Radio that's what the situation has become. In a strange way, support for U.S. involvement in rural parts of south Georgia now might increase....

(My pastor would tell you there's no such thing as a "civil" war. And let's face it, some of the reports from Iraq have been more criminal than civil.)

But back to honoring veterans: a public hearing in Talbot County Monday night focused on plans for a veterans' care center. Some homeowners near Lake Talbot in Box Springs don't want the center in their neighborhood. They'd probably take the War Memorial - but not the people who fought in it.

Dozens of homeowners in the Box Springs area expressed concern the proposed 300-bed care will take in homeless drug addicts and mentally unstable veterans. And while they're at it, the bars can stay in downtown Columbus as well.

It was surprising to see even some military veterans are opposed to this Talbot County care center. One of them said the center is for veterans, but "it's not for Box Springs." So is there any space left around West Central Georgia Regional Hospital?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Monday's InBox had a few media items, which have readers asking questions:

Have you noticed the word "Saturday" is "Saterday" in the Carl Gregory Honda commercial..Have I been spelling it wrong all my life?

No, your spelling of Saturday seems to be correct. My computer SpellCheck agrees with you. Maybe the people who made the commercial paid more attention to that tiny fine print at the bottom of the screen.

Now from television to movies....

I know I must be losing it now, A new "Rocky" movie is coming out.

IS this the revenge of AARP.

It very well could be - especially if the round cards carried around the boxing ring have the American Association of Retired Persons' logo on them. Product placement is very important, you know.

This movie series DOES seem to be showing its age. Have you noticed the upcoming film is titled "Rocky Balboa"? It's like they've forgotten how many Roman numerals they used before.

Now for some newer (or maybe just about as new) items, from the Monday news:

+ Advance voting opened for next week's Georgia runoff. With only two local races and one state race on the ballot, the Columbus Public Library polling place should stay about as quiet as usual.

+ Muscogee County School Superintendent John Phillips told WRBL he's going to Washington today to ask Congress for more than 200 million dollars. If anyone in Columbus is happy to see big-spending Democrats take control of Congress, it's this man.

+ Uptown Columbus announced Broadway is now fully open to cars, from 10^th to 14^th Streets. But there's still some "Streetscape" work to do on sidewalks in the 1000 block - so joggers such as me still are at risk of tripping over bulldozers.

+ Harris County Sheriff Mike Jolley told WRBL deer collisions are up 62 percent this month, compared with last November. If this trend continues, I may actually go buy a shotgun and settle this myself.

+ The University of Alabama fired head football coach Mike Shula. Athletic Director Mal Moore promised to find a "proven" coach with "a winning record." I think Mike Price still qualifies, at Texas-El Paso....

(As Mike Shula was fired, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution projected Alabama will play in the Liberty Bowl in Memphis. Shouldn't there be a law about this? If your coach gets shown the door, you can't play ball any more.)

+ The indoor football Columbus Lions signed former Fort Valley State player Joe Kegler. I'm surprised he played at a small college - because with a name like "Kegler," you'd think he would go bowling at least once.

+ Instant Message to William Howell of the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition: It's been three months since you made that big challenge to the mayoral candidates about settling the Kenneth Walker case [27 Aug]. Are you finally ready to endorse somebody -- three weeks after the election?

SONG OF THE DAY: November is National Hospice Month. So instead of wishing you a Merry Christmas, here's what we'll do....

We wish you a happy hospice!

We wish you a happy hospice -

And may you get well soon!

Full payment we wish, from the Medicare plan.

Full payment for treatment, until you get well soon!

Today's main item was the result of a blog reader's tip. To offer a story tip, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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-- posted by Richard at 12:00 AM

Monday, November 27, 2006

27 NOV 06: LOVE CONNECTION

"Film is cheap. Opportunity is expensive." This deep statement was made to me, at a wedding I attended over the weekend. You expect profound comments to come from a pastor -- only this one came from the wedding photographer.

While I was NOT invited to Judge Bobby Peters's wedding somewhere in the Caribbean, I was invited to one at Wynnbrook Baptist Church near River Road. The church gained fame in the recent mayoral election, as the polling place of both Bob Poydasheff and Jim Wetherington. But I didn't spot a leftover Christian Coalition "voter guide" in the lobby.

Saturday night's wedding was a first for me, and I never knew it until the middle of the ceremony. The officiating pastor said Ron Luker and new wife Shirley Sullivan met on the Internet in June 2005. Considering the bride has grandchildren, this was even more amazing - as yes, older people DO know how to go online.

I asked one of the bride's daughters if Ron and Shirley had used one of those Internet dating services. She didn't think so, guessing the couple met in some sort of chat room. And here I thought "LOL" meant laugh out loud - not loving online.

The way Ron and Shirley met was interesting to me, because my pastor at church said during a summer sermon God doesn't use dating web sites such as eHarmony.com to bring couples together [6 Aug]. If they simply met in a chat room, I suppose that would be different -- and you know, I'm long overdue to play online card games.

(I mentioned the pastor's eHarmony comment at a table of single people during a recent church convention - and was amazed by how quickly the woman next to me changed the topic. She was more interested in the man to her right, anyway....)

About 40 to 50 people attended Ron and Shirley's wedding in the Wynnbrook Baptist Church worship center. The group didn't come close to filling all the pews. That's the peril of scheduling your ceremony on the evening of the Georgia-Georgia Tech football game.

The ceremony itself was small, as there was no long line of wedding attendants. The groom's brother was best man, and the bride's sister was the maid/matron of honor. No, the wedding cake was NOT something thawed out from the Publix freezer....

The ceremony was so small that no one stood when the bride walked down the aisle. I had no program to know when she was coming, but the families didn't stand to offer any clues. Maybe they didn't want to block the views of photographers.

The short ceremony had a rather humorous moment -- as the couple snuck a kiss to each other after exchanging rings, before a woman sang "The Lord's Prayer." The pastor never told the groom he could kiss the bride. But then again, we WERE at a Baptist church....

A nice sit-down reception followed in what appeared to be the Wynnbrook Baptist School lunchroom. That's where I met the official photographer - and I couldn't resist asking him: "If you're the paparazzi, where's your helicopter?"

The photographer happened to have three different cameras for the ceremony - two old-fashioned kinds which looked like 35-millimeter, and a smaller digital. He had enough film and room to shoot everyone at the reception twice, to prove we all were there.

The evening ended with everyone blowing bubbles at the bride and groom. If you didn't know, bubbles have become the new birdseed at weddings. We did this when one of my nieces became married four years ago - but this weekend, I felt far more interested in taking a tub bath when I got home.

Our best wishes to Ron and Shirley, as they begin married life together. But don't you wonder a little if they'll have separate computers?

After a Thanksgiving weekend dominated by wedding news, we have other things to discuss:

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported the Columbus Police "vice squad" was reorganized a few months ago, after an officer filed a harassment complaint. It's now called the "Special Operations Unit" - a name which probably needed the approval of Fort Benning generals.

+ Columbus Police reported a customer was robbed inside the Wynnton Road Burger King - not the restaurant, but a customer. Maybe the robber was afraid if he went to the counter, he might see that mascot with the giant king head.

+ The evening news reported two Phenix City girls will appear in the 2007 "Hottest Hots" calendar. They'd better not sell that calendar around Club Roc, because they might wind up under arrest.

+ Weekend performances of "The Nutcracker" ballet concluded at the RiverCenter. Hopefully this production had a proper Columbus look - with toy soldiers dressed like the Third Brigade.

+ WRBL presented a special report on youth league baseball pitching. A St. Francis Hospital specialist claimed you can be "a good Little League pitcher and a good high school pitcher, but you probably can't be both." Someone should give him the phone number of Bryan Woodall, from Phenix City's 1999 Little League World Series. It's Plainsman Park, at Auburn University....

+ The Atlanta Falcons lost their fourth game in a row, 31-13 to New Orleans. A Columbus man's name was drawn on the Falcons radio broadcast to win free airline tickets, if the team made a touchdown of 50 yards or longer. But Michael Vick's long run seemed to fall short by (ahem) the length of his middle finger....

(Michael Vick apparently showed that finger to upset Georgia Dome fans, after the loss to New Orleans. This is absolutely the wrong way to remind people that you were once the number-one draft pick.)

+ Instant Message to the NCAA office: I have this great idea for college basketball. Have a "title belt," like boxing. When the defending national champion loses its first game, the team which beats them takes over the title. That way, my old school Kansas would be the champions right now -- and have something shiny to prove it.

COMING TUESDAY: We reveal plans for a new Columbus landmark....

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-- posted by Richard at 12:10 AM

Sunday, November 26, 2006

26 NOV 06: CAPTURED AT LAST

If someone hadn't pointed it out, I would have missed the most interesting news item of Thanksgiving weekend. It's news that could break the hearts of single women across Columbus - and if they're reading this: I'm listed in every Columbus phone book....

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: Muscogee County Judge Bobby Peters confirmed to your blog Saturday that he is now married. The wedding actually was announced with an ad in Thursday's newspaper -- but you know how some of those College Republicans can pull funny pranks.

In case you missed this big announcement: go to the middle of the Local News section of Thursday's Ledger-Enquirer. There's a small ad on page nine, showing Judge Bobby Peters and his new bride. Isn't he sneaky - sliding that ad into the Thanksgiving paper, when most readers are looking through dozens of pull-out sections?

Judge Bobby Peters told me the newspaper ad is accurate, and he married Yongmi Kim recently during a Caribbean cruise. We can understand why he had the wedding outside the country. A Columbus wedding would have been the local equivalent of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes - and who knows how many photographers might have hurt each other.

If you're new to Columbus, let's explain: Bobby Peters went from Columbus Council to two terms as Mayor, then was elected Superior Court Judge. And through it all, he built a reputation (true or not) of being a very eligible bachelor. But admittedly, I don't recall ever hearing about him dating a "C-Town Hottie" from The Edge Magazine.

For some people, it became a local spectator sport to figure out whom Bobby Peters was dating. I even took a call on a Saturday night, about Peters being spotted with a woman on his First Avenue front porch. The fact that I was home to take this call made me feel SO inferior....

After he was elected Judge, the Bobby Peters "date watch" diminished quite a bit. In September he told this blog about how he had a very full schedule on the job [15 Sep]. Shame on me - I didn't ask how busy his weekends were.

With very few sightings of Judge Bobby Peters outside the courtroom, the Thanksgiving Day ad announcing his marriage was a big surprise. On a local level, it rivals the marriage of Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellweger - although I certainly hope the local wedding lasts much longer....

"She felt sorry for me," Judge Bobby Peters joked in a short phone call to the blog Saturday. I thought I could hear the former Yongmi Kim laughing in the background. She's taking the married name Kim Peters - which is surprising, because many women want to be a "young me" as long as possible.

"She's a sweet, smart lady," Judge Bobby Peters said of his bride. Yongmi Kim is a professor in the computer science department at Columbus State University. Her specialty is called "bioinformatics" -- which must be a high-tech of having that little talk (ahem) with your children....

Judge Bobby Peters left a message on my answering machine, confirming the newspaper ad. He didn't provide any extra details, except to say Yongmi Kim is "a good catch on my part." And as a one-time attorney, he probably offered her plenty of appeal.

We're still trying to pursue some missing details about the marriage of Bobby and Kim Peters. We don't know if they married at sea, or in some exotic Caribbean location. And we'd like to know how the couple met - although I've never really thought of the C.S.U. Cunningham Center's Carmen Cavezza as a matchmaker.

From a selfish point of view, I'm also hoping to get some dating and "catching" tips from Judge Bobby Peters. With his marriage, the other single men in Columbus all move one step up the ladder - and I'd rather become the "number-one contender" before I'm admitted to Muscogee Manor, not after.

We wish the newlyweds well as they combine furniture, not to mention lives - and move on to other holiday weekend news:

+ A memorial service was held at Shiloh Cemetery for the transplanted remains of Civil War veteran James Nathaniel Overbey. Relatives say he was the man who named the Flat Rock area of Columbus. I'm still trying to find the person who first mispronounced Buena Vista as "BYOO-nah."

(The memorial service for the Confederate Civil War veteran included a three-gun salute by family members. To the victor goes the spoils - like 18 more rounds of gunfire....)

+ Gas pumps reopened at the Dolly Madison bread store on Victory Drive, with a Columbus-low price of $2.05 a gallon. The pumps were closed for weeks, while some kind of underground repair work was done. Maybe there's a hybrid experiment going on here -- with animal fat from the Twinkies being mixed with fuel.

+ The Thanksgiving issue of "Eco Latino" said absolutely nothing about the S.O.A. Watch protest. Why not?! Don't Hispanic readers care about human rights abuses in Latin America? Or is it because absolutely no Hispanic residents on the south side of Columbus joined in the protest?

+ The Budweiser Clydesdale touring horses made an appearance at the Peach Bowl lanes in Columbus. When you show up late for the Steeplechase, you take your fun any way you can find it....

+ Georgia beat Georgia Tech in college football 15-12. Tech quarterback Reggie Ball lost to the Bulldogs for the fourth year in a row - and after that many misses, Ball's four means he must take a walk.

(Georgia Tech goes on to face Wake Forest next Saturday for the Atlantic Coast Conference championship. Why do I have a feeling the Bowl Championship Series people want Boise State to show up in Jacksonville, and challenge the combined teams to a game?)

+ Legendary quarterback Archie Manning suggested Auburn's Tommy Tuberville as a candidate to become head coach at the University of Miami. Manning noted on CBS's "College Football Today" Tuberville coached in Miami for eight years. Somewhere Bobby Lowder and David Housel said, "NOW we learn this! We went to the wrong city!"

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths flipped Florida 5-1, on "Northern Little League Night" at the Civic Center. OK, it's been three months now. Is there anyplace left in Columbus which has NOT honored the Little League champions? Hurry up, or you're going to have to wait for the five-year reunion -- at much higher rates.

+ Instant Message to WURY-FM "Radio 74:" Thank you for coming to your senses late Saturday night. Just because department stores are playing non-stop Christmas music did NOT mean you had to do it, too. Let WGSY "Sunny 100" take all the heat for awhile....

COMING MONDAY: More weekend wedding news.... although this item admittedly doesn't have a famous name....

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If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 2:18 AM

Thursday, November 23, 2006

for 24 NOV 06: STOP THE INSANITY

If you're reading this at 4:30 a.m. before heading for a Friday sale - and my "Statcounter" can check such things - think this over a second. There's still time to change your mind about this. There's still time to go back to bed, and get up at 7:30 like normal people do on holidays. Believe me, the store shelves will NOT be barren and empty....

"Insanely early" is the exact language Sears used in its online banner ads Thursday, promoting its after-Thanksgiving specials. Sears, Wal-Mart, Goody's, Circuit City and numerous other stores chose to open their doors at 5:00 a.m. - letting the general public know for one day what it's like to be in basic training at Fort Benning.

Peachtree Mall tends to open at 6:00 a.m. on the Friday after Thanksgiving - and I know from experience that the mall expects TV cameras to be on hand for the occasion. But why not? It's probably the biggest crowd to show up since "Family Day in the Park" back in June.

On the other hand, did you hear what eBay has declared today? It's "National Sleep-In Day," apparently because you'll avoid the mall and buy things at that web site. What's the going rate for PlayStation 3 systems in auctions right now - $4,000?

I don't know who started the idea of "insanely early" opening times on Thanksgiving Friday - but it truly has become insane. The department stores open even before fast-food places open for breakfast. So I think this is all a big conspiracy with Golden Donuts and Waffle House.

Thanksgiving Friday has become SO insane that Opelika Police have set up a "mobile command center" at the Tigertown shopping center for the weekend. I've never heard of so much preparation, to keep grown-ups from fighting over Elmo dolls.

A few hints of insanity were noticeable in Columbus Thursday. But let me make clear: not all of it was bad. When the high temperature is 71 degrees F. on Thanksgiving Day, that's a downright welcome blessing....

Since I wasn't invited out for Thanksgiving dinner, I had to create some holiday fun of my own. That may be one disadvantage of being a blogger -- families may be concerned the quality of their sweet potatoes will be posted all over the Internet.

So instead, I had a racquetball workout around midday in the warm sunshine. Then for perhaps the first time ever, I went to Thanksgiving dinner in a T-shirt and running shorts. Elastic waistbands allow room for more food, you know....

As I drove to dinner, I noticed an insane Columbus tradition was continuing - as no radio station broadcast the Thanksgiving Day football games. In fact, WEAM-AM was off the air Thursday night when I tried to listen to the Cottonmouths hockey game. I wanted to know if the Civic Center had the only frozen turkeys left in town.

Shoney's in Phenix City was the choice for Thanksgiving dinner, as it offered a full-meal buffet for $8.99. The staff was so nice that three people came by to ask what I wanted to drink. Top-dollar restaurants such as Caffe Amici usually stop at two.

Shoney's was fairly busy at around 2:00 p.m., but I could hear the piped-in music - seemingly all Christmas music. Talk about insanity! The Christian FM stations in this city won't even start playing that for another week....

From listening around my booth while eating Thanksgiving dinner, it became clear the holiday was a bit insane for other customers. One woman sat down, and actually asked the server what city she was in. It's time Phenix City made those 1999 Little League championship signs a little bigger.

This woman apparently was having radiator problems, because she called someone on her cell phone and mentioned overheating. She was bound for a Thanksgiving dinner in another town, because she asked the woman at Shoney's for a basket of fish and chips to go -- and she didn't even talk with a British accent.

The "buffet de Sho-NAY" (to use proper-sounding French) provided all the things you'd expect for a traditional holiday dinner - along with some surprises. When did it become commonplace to eat shrimp on Thanksgiving? I'm admittedly not a Gulf Coast kind of guy - but those shrimp must be hard to stuff with cornbread dressing.

Another surprise was that the Shoney's buffet had only one kind of pie for dessert - a hearty pumpkin, instead of pecan. And the whipped topping was in a buffet pan, which meant it stuck to the serving spoon as much as the mashed potatoes did.

( I mentioned this on the phone to my older brother in Kansas City Thursday night, and he asked why I didn't ask for other kinds of pie. C'mon, it's Thanksgiving Day. Just because I don't join in Friday shopping doesn't mean I can grumble a day early.)

Other than that, the Shoney's Thanksgiving buffet was nice. You could eat all you wished, with no concern about leftovers when you were through - not to mention the 90 minutes of football you might miss by hand-washing the dishes.

The last surprise at Shoney's came when I noticed the servers' name tags. The Phenix City restaurant actually has a server named Alabama. You'd think someone named Auburn would have been on hand, for balance....

BLOG CORRECTION: A couple of e-mailers caught a mistake we made Wednesday....

The aquarium was funded by [Arthur] Blank's old Home Depot partner Bernie Marcus.

Thank you for reminding me - and to be honest, I wasn't sure if I was putting the right person's name on the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta. After awhile, all these billionaires start looking alike to me.

E-MAIL UPDATE: The InBox also has this touching tale about a supermarket:

Today in the Winn Dixie store on Macon Rd the manager was talking to an elderly lady in a wheel chair grocery buggy...She was telling him she drove to the store,but didn't think she could drive home..He got down on his knees to talk to her face to face..He told her he would take her home and one of the workers would drive him back..He asked her about her groceries because the cart was empty..She said she needed a few things. He said he could arrange that and someone would push her around..He was the nicest guy..That could have been your mom or grandmother. THe Winn Dixie Spirit is alive and well ..

It's nice to know that spirit somehow survived the Winn-Dixie bankruptcy filing -- because the stores in Phenix City and Opelika certainly didn't.

So what other leftovers remain from Thanksgiving Day? Let's see....

+ The House of Mercy served holiday meals to about 500 needy people. The Valley Rescue Mission claims it served about 700 people, including mission visitors and shut-ins. There was no word Thursday night from the Salvation Army - so we still don't know if any charity did better than God Bless Fort Benning and S.O.A. Watch.

+ A special Thanksgiving infomercial from Rivertown Ford on WXTX showed "Put-It-On-Sale Mike" eating crow, as he promised he would if Auburn won the Iron Bowl. Mike declared it did NOT taste good - but I noticed he didn't try to bite the dancing turkey even once.

+ Instant Message to WGSY "Sunny 100 FM": Have you checked the TV commercials you're running - or will Reggie Foster and Alan Quin hold reunion shows during December? Besides, Georgia Freight seemed to find someone hotter to take Reggie's place....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4112 (+ 141, 3.6%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 10:24 PM

23 NOV 06: TROUBLE AROUND THE BEND

Don't look at me -- when the police call came, I was several miles away. I was nowhere near the shooting, less than one block from my home. And no, I don't think it involved any of my neighbors who go hunting with their BB guns....

Columbus Police were called to 20 Fifth Street in the Historic District shortly after midnight Wednesday because of a shooting. It's down the street and around the corner from where I live. But I had been called for an emergency assignment, and missed the gunfire by about 20 minutes. I didn't even spit out the window in that direction, to leave any DNA.

At first, police thought the shooting on Fifth Street was the result of a drug deal. It's not yet clear if that's what happened -- because the man who was shot wouldn't answer any police questions. Waiting until Jim Wetherington becomes Mayor is absolutely the wrong strategy....

Police told the evening news 21-year-old William Tarver not only was shot in both arms - he was arrested after receiving hospital treatment. So he's at a real disadvantage, if jail inmates decide to work off Thanksgiving dinner with some fighting.

Police say William Tarver had some kind of "outstanding warrants" against him, so he was arrested after he was shot. That apparently explains why he wouldn't answer questions - unless he's suddenly decided to act like the City Manager with TV reporters.

For some reason, I was not all that stunned when I heard about the shooting on Fifth Street. It happened in the middle of a series of homes which were renovated recently, but still look very basic. There was a reason why you parked there, while the Riverfest party was among the nicer homes of Broadway....

I've jogged and walked past the homes on Fifth Street just east of Broadway. There was no sign that any criminals lurked inside. Even Wednesday afternoon when I drove by, a children's basketball goal was set up at the end of a driveway. But then again, maybe the children are mimicking gun-toting N.B.A. players like Stephen Jackson.

(Yes, I said "drove by." My Wednesday evening jog could have taken me down that part of Fifth Street, but I admittedly went a different direction. Someone might have stopped me, and checked for hidden police microphones.)

No police tape or signs of a crime were evident at 20 Fifth Street. A group of men was outside next door, preparing dinner as if nothing ever happened. They might sit out there and pretend to solve the world's problems - but what did they do about the one right next to them?

The only sign of trashiness I've noticed along that part of Fifth Street was a curious discovery several months ago. Someone tossed a thick glass on the lawn at First Avenue, like something used to serve beer in a bar. After walking past it a few times, I picked it up and took it home. If the Cannon Brew Pub lost it, they should put their logo on it.

But admittedly, my neighborhood has received visits from police over the years. Someone in my own apartment complex was shot several years ago - but it happened during summer, and my air conditioner and fans kept me from hearing anything. If the ambulance didn't blink red lights as it backed up across the courtyard, I might have missed the whole thing.

Some people have wondered over the years why I don't move out of the Historic District into a "nicer" part of Columbus. But I'm a short walk from South Commons, downtown attractions, the Riverwalk -- and besides, didn't the e-mails from "IsOurCitySafe" convince people there ARE no nice and safe parts of town?

So I give thanks for where I am on this Thanksgiving Day, while checking other items from Wednesday:

+ Fort Benning's commissary served a pre-Thanksgiving feast to soldiers. WRBL reported the staff prepared 9,300 pounds of turkey, as well as more than 3,000 pounds of prime rib. Being a general has its privileges, you know....

+ Columbus Water Works confirmed a spill at a Fort Benning plant poured about 20,000 gallons of sewage into Upatoi Creek. But officials said it was no environmental problem, and "not major." So much for asking their crew to clean up my next water heater leak.

+ Georgia environmental experts concluded the West Point water supply was NOT contaminated by anything last week. So how did that mysterious foam show up? Did someone find an ingenious way to save money on laundry day?

+ Alabama Republican leaders announced they'll support Auburn's Mike Hubbard becoming state G.O.P. Chairman. After watching the attack ads against Hubbard this fall, this could mean the number of defections to the Democrats will increase. All it will take is one wrong vote....

+ Alabama Athletic Director Mal Moore responded to all the recent rumors by saying, "All aspects of the football program are being evaluated." So Mike Shula might remain head coach, but with all the home games moving back to Birmingham.

+ Instant Message to all our readers: Since it's Thanksgiving Day, we give sincere thanks to all of you. You've helped this become the most talked-about blog in the area, with visitors from coast to coast and around the world. But I wonder if our visitors from Iceland think the crazy events in Columbus are due to the warm climate.

COMING FRIDAY: An e-mail check we couldn't make Wednesday night, because of Yahoo problems....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 3971 (+ 134, 3.5%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 12:46 AM

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

for 22 NOV 06: THE ALL-OVER-TOWN TAP

Columbus Council heard Tuesday about yet another department that's lacking in money. This time it's Columbus Water Works, and there's a deficit well into eight figures. You'd think a good lawsuit against Alabama and Florida would make up for that....

Columbus Water Works President Billy Turner told WRBL the utility needs a rate increase, because it has a deficit of 16 million dollars. Someone on the staff should have suggested everyone play that recent McDonald's game - you know, "Monopoly."

(I may have suggested it before, but how about a "Monopoly Month" at Columbus Water Works? Have customers roll dice to determine how much they pay - and the wealthy folks who own more than one house have to pay ten times the amount shown.)

How did Columbus Water Works wind up with so much red ink? Billy Turner explains costs keep rising for things such as energy and pipes. And if construction crews don't watch where they dig around the airport, the pipe bill will move ahead.

Columbus Water Works seems to be cutting back in some areas. Did you notice the flier with the November bill? I didn't until the other day, when I looked on the back side - and suddenly realized the utility apparently is doing without a proofreader.

But when it comes to the 16-million dollar gap, Columbus water customers will have to provide the difference. Water Works President Billy Turner says monthly bills will increase by at least one dollar a month come January. So this leaves a tough choice -- to empty those 55-gallon drums you filled with low-priced gasoline, or not?

In fact, Columbus Water Works apparently has been promised rate increases for years to come. But this is where it gets confusing. The TV news report said five years of increases began in 2002 - then added the upcoming increase is one of a series lasting until 2012. If the journalists aren't sure about this, you can be pretty sure the city finance officers aren't sure either.

If you're a low-income customer, Columbus Water Works is offering some help. Starting in January, you can receive a monthly credit on your water bill of $3.50 a month. This will be fine, as long as the prices on the Wendy's Value Menu don't go up.

They're also talking about water in Phenix City. The city council discussed a proposal this week to merge the water department with Russell County. Swapping water for homeless animals seems like a very strange deal to me....

A sudden change of plans keeps us from commenting more on this - so we'll quickly wrap up other news from Tuesday:

+ WRBL's Bob Jeswald declared during the 5:00 p.m. news it was "knit cap" weather - then pulled out a Buffalo Bills cap to prove it. Now I'm concerned we could get "lake effect snow" from Lake Harding.

+ A spokesman for Country's Barbecue told the evening news it's already out of "souffle" for Thanksgiving. If this forces you to change dinner plans, we have some advice. Please make sure your blender lid fits securely before you add the yams and turn it on.

+ Area high school students participated in a "model United Nations" at Columbus State University. So which teenager had the honor of playing Venezuela's Hugo Chavez, and insulting President Bush?

+ The Carver-Spencer high school basketball game was postponed until further notice. The Ledger-Enquirer claimed this was because of Carver's upcoming football playoff game on Friday night. So what's the real story here? Is the school district afraid a rumble will break out, and get half the football players suspended?

+ The Georgia Aquarium in downtown Atlanta marked its first anniversary. The aquarium was built from a big donation by Arthur Blank. But I think the celebration has gone too far - because Blank's Atlanta Falcons have gone in the tank three weeks in a row.

+ Instant Message to Goody's: Did I hear your commercial correctly? The "Pre-Thanksgiving Sale" STARTS today?! Were you too busy to start this a week or two ago?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 3837 (+ 87, 2.3%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 11:06 PM

21 NOV 06: THE NEUTRAL ZONE

I'm not normally one to engage in bathroom humor. I might tell jokes at church, in an office, while standing in line at a checkout - but not normally in the bathroom....

But today I'm stooping to "bathroom humor," after hearing Monday about two new public restrooms planned at the University of Georgia. The restrooms will be designated as "gender-neutral." Some will consider this a big deal - but wait a second. Are the bathrooms where YOU live marked as male and female?

The reason why some people will consider this a big deal is because the University of Georgia's office for "lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender" students asked for gender-neutral restrooms in their building. This puts a whole new meaning on an old Fleetwood Mac song - "Go Your Own Way."

Apparently the University of Georgia already had a few restrooms considered "unisex." I think that means if you lock the door behind you, it doesn't really matter....

But these two new restrooms in Athens's Memorial Hall actually will be marked with images of both men and women. How many dating college couples will pass this, and be disappointed to find there's no couch or bed inside?

An assistant dean at the University of Georgia says the two new restrooms are set aside to make transgender students are not harassed or abused. Well, what do you know -- an admission that some students can have hetero-phobia.

Supporters of the new "gender-neutral" restrooms say they'll have other advantages. For one thing, mothers will be able to take little boys inside. When I was young, my mom took me to the women's room at a doctor's office several times. She even let me go once or twice by myself - and I'm not sure if anyone ever talked with her about it.

Some people even argue women can use the "gender-neutral" restrooms when lines are long to use the "ladies' rooms." They'd better hope men rushing between classes don't race them to the door handle....

So could Columbus use this sort of "gender-neutral" restroom? To be honest several places have it already. A few coin laundries have a single restroom in the back - but they don't even have flowery paper towels, to tip you off about which gender is preferred.

Several gas stations and convenience stores have had a similar set-up for years, with only one bathroom for customers. But you KNOW those are for men - by (ahem) what the vending machines on the walls are offering....

But if I come across a real "gender-neutral" restroom with images of both men and women, I'll probably stay away. After all, I have a 50-50 chance of walking into something very wrong - well, maybe worse odds than that.

BLOG UPDATE: The old numbers game was in full force Monday, after the two big weekend events. Columbus Police told WRBL only about 15,000 people attended the S.O.A. Watch protest - not the 22,000 claimed by the organizers. That'll teach those marchers to count giant puppets.

Meanwhile, God Bless Fort Benning declared it had a "record turnout" Saturday - with WRBL reporting 18,000 to 20,000 "soldiers and families." But we noted from the event's own web site Monday that last year's attendance last year was 25,000 to 30,000 people. If you change how you count, I suppose anything can be a record - so maybe next year, pets will be counted as well.

The arrested S.O.A. Watch protesters apparently were sent to the Harris County Jail this year, not the Muscogee County Jail downtown. Why were they moved a full county away - so they could explain Latin American human rights abuses to Internet sex predators?

One arrested protester from West Virginia apparently refused to post bond, and was being transferred to the Muscogee County Jail Monday. Well, that WILL save a little money on Thanksgiving dinner....

Now let's count down the last few items from Monday:

+ WRBL reported the Phenix City Council reviewed sketches for "The Phenixian" development along the river. The plans include ten-story condominiums - buildings which sound almost as tall as the Columbus Government Center. So Carolyn Hugley had better act professionally, when she visits the City Manager's office....

+ West Point city officials ruled the drinking water is safe again. But they're still not sure what caused foam on the water at a treatment plant last Friday. You don't think some Auburn University students drove the wrong way, heading for the Iron Bowl....?!

+ The Columbus State men's basketball team beat Virginia State 83-73, to give Coach Doug Branson his first win. In a post-game interview on WDAK radio, Branson urged Columbus fans to "get off the couch" and see the Cougars this coming weekend. They'll be off the couch, coach - and busy down the hill, shopping at the mall.

SONG OF THE DAY: Today's song is an oldie from 1995, and is inspired by the sudden cancellation of the O.J. Simpson book and TV special. During his mostly-live murder trial on CNN, we put new words on the Bugs Bunny Show theme, "On With the Show, This Is It:"

Bloody glove - D.N.A.

The white Ford Bronco, that drove away.

Nicole and O.J., they once had a fight -

But what happened that June night?

Ronald Goldman, her good friend,

Stabbed over and over again.

To prison he could goooo....

This is O.J. Simpson's show!

(P.S. Instant Message to WXTX Fox-54: IF you had aired it, I probably wouldn't have watched....)

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 3750 (+ 76, 2.1%)

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-- posted by Richard at 12:05 AM

Monday, November 20, 2006

20 NOV 06: BLESSING AND CURSING

Sunday was NOT a day for "One Columbus" - not with one main event at Green Island, and another bigger one at the old Southgate Apartments. Well, hold on a minute. Maybe "One Columbus" was all at Green Island - and the bigger crowd was all from out of town.

S.O.A. Watch estimates more than 22,000 people showed up for this year's protest outside the main gate of Fort Benning. As of Sunday night, 16 arrests were reported - which I think made this demonstration a lot more peaceful per person than the crowd at the Iron Bowl.

A couple of "stars" attended this year's S.O.A. Watch protest. One of them was Emily Sailers of the rock duo Indigo Girls. I never realized how forward-thinking this duo was, until I checked my computer thesaurus - and found indigo is a shade of Democratic blue.

Another big name at the S.O.A. Watch demonstration was Charles Steele, the President of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. Apparently the definition of "Southern Christian" is expanding, to include believers in South America.

Charles Steele was honorary chair of a weeklong "Living the Dream" march, which traveled to Fort Benning from Selma, Alabama. The marchers oppose war and injustice - and we hope they send a delegation to Iraq soon, to persuade the insurgents to join them.

(So after Charles Steele come to Fort Benning to protest against abuses in Latin America, did he visit the family of Kenneth Walker? If he didn't, what does that mean for this case -- especially since I don't recall seeing Roy Bourgeois at any of those old protest marches?)

This year for the first time, there was more than one S.O.A. Watch event. Parallel protests were held in seven other countries, and reportedly also in Arizona and California. So those Victory Drive motels had better not jack up the room rates next year....

I didn't realize until I checked the S.O.A. Watch web site how much money is spent to hold the annual protest. Putting it on costs $45,000 - which I suppose could have been raised by the protesters donating the money they would have spent on Sunday dinner.

A blog kept on the S.O.A. Watch web site reported a military helicopter flew very low over the vigil at one point, apparently trying to drown out the loudspeakers. Last November, I was able to hear the Fort Benning protesters at Pacelli High School - so people living on the south side of Columbus may have made a special request for this.

Protesters outside Fort Benning say the U.S. House came within 15 votes last year of cutting money for the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation. Fort Benning and the protesters dispute even about whether WHINSEC replaced the School of the Americas. No one seems to dispute it, when Benning changes from one Commanding General to another.

Again this year, WHINSEC invited protesters onto Fort Benning to tour the institute and ask questions about it. One Fort Benning officer admitted to the demonstrators they reminded her of a "time warp." But then again, some of the protesters are comparing Iraq with Vietnam....

Plenty of law officers were in South Columbus to make sure the S.O.A. Watch protest was peaceful. I found one "command post" Sunday at Benning Park Recreation Center. It had a Marshal's Office car, a Sheriff's Office car, more police cars than usual, a Georgia State Patrol car which rolled through - why, it's probably the safest weekend of the year to live at Baker Village.

So what about that other big event Sunday? Green Island Country Club hosted the first "God Bless Fort Benning Remembrance Breakfast." Perhaps they remembered back to the first "God Bless" events a few years ago -- when organizers set up near the protesters, then wound up fleeing to South Commons.

S.O.A. Watch apparently won the contest for the biggest weekend crowd -- as God Bless Fort Benning organizers estimated 15,000 to 20,000 people attended their Saturday event. That was actually a big decline from the 25,000 to 30,000 of last year, which was posted on the event's web site. And it's surprising, since the Third Brigade hasn't left the area yet....

(But based on the schedule, God Bless Fort Benning clearly led in several areas -- such as the race for the most Boy Scouts and clogging dancers.)

While S.O.A. Watch had marching "Veterans for Peace," God Bless Fort Benning had military supporters on motorcycles. So our group could encircle your group and perform "psych-ops" anytime they wanted....

While S.O.A. Watch had one stage with performers, God Bless Fort Benning had four. One of them was the "84 Lumber Stage" - which may have surprised people in the downtown area, who didn't even know Columbus has an 84 Lumber yard.

While God Bless Fort Benning had an area where visitors could "Hug a Hero," S.O.A. Watch had - well, what? "Pretend to Die with a Nun?"

(By the way, does anyone mind if I borrow the "Hug a Hero" line - the next time I'm invited to a singles party?)

While S.O.A. Watch had a guest speaker from the AFL-CIO, God Bless Fort Benning had several corporate and business sponsors. But after checking the "God Bless" schedule page online, I can see why they need a remembrance breakfast - because there's an ad there for the Columbus Riverdragons, which left town more than a year ago.

In a big surprise, this year's God Bless Fort Benning even had space reserved by CNN. If this cable network was there and not Fox News Channel, you can tell Democrats are taking charge of Congress.

People could register at God Bless Fort Benning to win a "CNN Warrior One" Hummer. I used to work at the CNN networks in Atlanta, and I am stunned -- STUNNED! -- by this. Ted Turner would have demanded a hybrid car, or something with better gas mileage.

We did the math, based on last year's sponsors listed by God Bless Fort Benning and proposed 2006 sponsor rates and budgets posted online. Saturday's event may have had about $116,000 in sponsors, but expenditures of about $238,000. No one said running an Army would make money -- but you'd think a patriotic display might.

Save for some federal court hearings today, the annual battle of ideas is over for another year. S.O.A. Watch will shift its focus to lobbying the new Congress. God Bless Fort Benning will prepare for bigger-name performers and sponsors. And Columbus Police will try to fill all their job openings, so the State Patrol can stay on Interstate 185 next November.

Believe it or not, other items of interest passed our way Sunday....

+ A dedication ceremony was held for the new North Columbus Elementary School - more than three months after it opened. Did it take THAT long to get all the traffic problems settled?

+ The annual "Night Walk" to benefit the March of Dimes was held at Callaway Gardens' "Fantasy of Lights" display. Callaway boasts the show has eight million lights. I wish they'd lend a few to the city of Columbus, so the Riverwalk would be safer.

+ The web site CollegeHumor.com ranked Auburn ahead of Georgia, when it comes to the "most fun" universities. Auburn was aided by the fact that 26 percent of its students live in fraternities and sororities -- so this web site's motto must be "better Greek than geek."

+ The Atlanta Falcons lost their third game in a row, 24-10 at Baltimore. If you watched this game, you know the Ravens should pick up a new corporate sponsor for the rest of the season - because Sunday they were Sams' Club.

+ Atlanta's longtime FM radio station "96 Rock" changed formats after 32 years, turning into the modern rock "Project 9-6-1." Only in radio would people brag about becoming a project, or moving into one....

+ Instant Message to the new Rent-n-Roll store on Buena Vista Road: You're kidding, right? I actually can "rent to own" tires?!?! Can I bring them back if they go flat - since they'll obviously be defective?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 3674 (- 52, 1.4%)

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-- posted by Richard at 12:13 AM

Sunday, November 19, 2006

19 NOV 06: THUMB-ELLINA DANCE

It was such a dramatic Saturday in college football that it's hard to know where to begin. So I'll start with the rivalry which obviously matters most - and say: How about Kansas kicking Kansas State!?!!!

My old alma mater Kansas made itself eligible for a bowl game with a 39-20 squishing of.... what? What's that? What do you mean, this isn't The Blog of Kansas? Well, it's not The Blog of Tuscaloosa either - even though Auburn appears ready to annex it.

Auburn edged Alabama 22-15 to win its fifth Iron Bowl in a row. CBS noted the Tigers have never lost at Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa - which should prove once and for all the Auburn fans were right, when they complained about that home-field advantage in Birmingham.

So what made the difference for Auburn on Saturday? A quick check of the roster should make it obvious. Auburn has a running back named Kenny Irons and a defensive back named David Irons. In the Iron Bowl, Alabama answered with.... well, who exactly?

Both Irons had key plays in the Iron Bowl win. Kenny Irons had an eight-yard run for a touchdown - and some of us wondered if he drew up the play Friday night with his new PlayStation 3 game system.

David Irons sealed the Iron Bowl triumph by intercepting a pass from Alabama's John Parker Wilson in the final 80 seconds. It wasn't a "pick six," but it certainly completed an Auburn "Fantasy Five."

(If you Alabamians need help understanding that last joke, do a Google search for "Georgia Lottery." I don't think it's a sin to do that.)

I hadn't heard until Saturday about the fuss over Auburn Coach Tommy Tuberville wearing a "Beware the Thumb" T-shirt. If I had seen that, I probably wouldn't have thought of the Tigers going for five Iron Bowl wins in a row. I would have guessed Tuberville was concerned about President Ed Richardson firing him.

Auburn has beaten Alabama in five consecutive Iron Bowls, for the first time since the 1950's. That old string ended once Bear Bryant became head coach of the Crimson Tide. So hmmmm - does anyone have Mike Dubose's phone number?

Some Saturday night sportscasts dared to declare Alabama head coach Mike Shula was "on the hot seat." He's lost four Iron Bowls in a row, finished the regular season 6-6 - and the Miami Dolphins' coaching job may be open in a few weeks.

Despite going 6-6, Alabama still could wind up in a post-season bowl game. Early speculation has the Tide going to Shreveport, Louisiana - but some cruel Auburn fans might be rooting for them to go play in a Boise, Idaho snowstorm.

Auburn finishes the regular season 10-2. The Tigers might wind up at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas, or the Outback Bowl in Tampa - where I believe the winning team takes home the world's largest Bloomin' Onion.

A check of the Auburn sports web site shows the Iron Bowl wasn't the only big rivalry win of the weekend. The Tiger men's and women's swimming teams beat Alabama - and combined, they've swept Alabama 11 times in a row. It's time the Crimson Tide lived up to its name, and installed a wave machine in the Auburn lanes of the pool.

There will be an interesting Iron Bowl P.S. on Columbus TV next weekend. A bet was made during the current Rivertown Ford infomercial - and because Auburn won, "Put It on Sale Mike" promises to eat crow on camera in the next episode. Why do I have this funny feeling he's going to eat a picture of Sheryl Crow instead....

Elsewhere, McClung Memorial Stadium hosted the annual "Peanut Bowl" of youth football Saturday. I didn't have a chance to attend this -- so does anyone know if the coaches of Carver and Shaw High Schools were there, recruiting five-year-olds?

And in that OTHER Columbus, Ohio State edged Michigan 42-39 to advance to the Bowl Championship Series title game. Did you notice how the Columbus police handled the crowds after the game was over? I've never seen a more organized effort to guard goal posts in my life....

E-MAIL UPDATE: This may look like an election leftover, but I think there's an explanation....

Not sure what Bob is still running for, but he has an ad on the Ledger website. I found it alternating with a Georgia Trend ad on every article on the Politics page.

Bruce

Yeah, it does look strange. But think back to August, when Mayor Poydasheff opened his campaign headquarters [11 Aug]. He asked "for your vote on November the nineteenth." That's today -- so maybe he's hoping for a late rush to the polls. Admittedly, 12 days late....

And remember how we caught Bob Poydasheff's web site with 2002 information in early August [7 Aug]? His ad might just be at the Ledger-Enquirer's politics section for the next two years.

We noticed some other things happening around the area this weekend....

+ The annual "God Bless Fort Benning" event took place in and around the Columbus Civic Center. Soldiers were given the day off to attend -- but for some reason, the 86^th Support Group was ordered to leave for Iraq Friday. Doesn't the Army understand there's a contest against SOA Watch to win?

+ WRBL showed hundreds of SOA Watch demonstrators spending Saturday night on Broadway. All they had to do was carry a beer in the wrong direction, and Columbus Police could have arrested them one day early.

+ Fire erupted at the Fred's store on Auburn Avenue -- and witnesses said a customer in the back of the store appeared to start it. As a public service, we urge shoppers NOT to test whether or not the pajamas are flame-retardant.

+ Workers at Goldens' Foundry downtown were tested for tuberculosis, after an employee developed the illness and died of something else. I'd be more interested in seeing the workers tested for lung cancer - and I'd really like to know if the Columbus Chamber of Commerce forgot about that plant, when its office was moved just up the avenue from it.

+ West Point declared a "level four water emergency" and urged residents to boil drinking water, after a mysterious substance was found in the system. Those sneaky North Korean spies....

+ WRBL's Saturday night newscast introduced a woman whom anchor Heather Jensen openly hoped would become a "permanent weekend meteorologist." So what happened to Mark Tauriello? Did the managers decide with his booming voice, he should do play-by-play of pro wrestling matches?

+ Davis Broadcasting held its annual 24-hour fund-raiser, so low-income children can have toys in December. Isn't this a curious event? The public is asked to donate for this cause, while the company can afford to buy new radio stations northwest of Atlanta....

+ Instant Message to everyone who found us through a blog based in New Zealand: Thank you for helping make this past week the busiest one on record for this blog. And for the record - no, I do NOT have ulcers. I listen to what my pastor says. I listen to what others say. And I drink plenty of liquids, so it all passes through.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.02 a gallon at QV, Interstate 85 at Exit 57 in Auburn.... dinner rolls for one dollar a package at Kroger.... and FREE wooden souvenir crosses from Columbus Police at the Fort Benning main gate after 3:00 p.m.

COMING MONDAY: Columbus's biggest event of the year.... or should we say two?....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 3726 (+ 137, 3.8%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 12:54 AM

Friday, November 17, 2006

for 18 NOV 06: ADVANCE TO THE REAR

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts from time to time, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath.)

Two plates of food were stacked in one hand, with a beverage cup in the other. As I searched for a place to eat at a recent luncheon, I chose a wide-open empty table along a wall. Soccer coaches and players should understand this. You always move to the open space, as long as you're not offside.

After a couple of bites of lunch, a friend walked over to my otherwise-empty table. "Why are you sitting here all by yourself?" she asked.

I'd rehearsed the answer to myself before she came over. "When you're invited to a feast, you sit at the back. And you wait for someone to invite you up. I read that in a book once." Before you start guessing - no, my bookshelves have nothing by Miss Manners.

"I think you should move up," the woman told me - even offering to help carry a plate or cup. I was able to handle all of it by myself while changing tables. Single guys learn how to do this, even without balancing anything on their heads.

The woman was obviously concerned about my sitting all alone, while others were together at other tables. But in only a few minutes, the chairs around my place at the luncheon would have been filled with other diners. It would have been a "potluck" of people, if not main dishes.

But let's step back to what I told the concerned woman. Have you figured out what book I read, to learn about where to sit at feasts? This one stumps a lot of people - because they usually read this book to learn how to get close to heaven, not find a table for dinner on earth.

Believe it or not, the book which gives guidance on where to sit at a feast is the Bible. In fact, the advice came from Jesus in Mark 14. He said if you presume you deserve a nice seat, someone may be invited who will trump you. And if you've ever watched "The Apprentice," you know it's important not to be Trumped....

Why would Jesus stop for a moment in the Bible to give seating tips for banquets? His own words offer the answer. If you take a far-off or "lowest place" and wait to be invited up, you're showing an attitude of humility instead of pride. Humility is a lost trait nowadays. If you don't believe it, drive to this weekend's Iron Bowl game -- and check the fans, not the players.

This incident is especially timely because of the season we're in. Thanksgiving is this coming week, and the church I attend is having a pre-Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. The humble person should realize the need to be thankful - at least to other people, and hopefully to the One who gives all good things. We should note here that "One" is NOT named Santa Claus....

May this time of year find you not only thankful for your blessings, but humble enough to realize the need to thank someone for them. If you do that, it might be a stairstep to something nicer and better down the line. If you don't - well, there should be a chair open next to mine against the wall.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 3589 (- 854, 19.2%, record one-day percentage decline)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 9:25 PM

17 NOV 06: YELLOW FEVER

Do you get offers to fill out online surveys? I do all the time - and the other day one of the topics was telephone directories. It asked about old-fashioned phone books. It asked about online services. But I rejected any cookies, to let it steal my computer's address book.

One of the survey's questions asked if I recalled seeing a commercial with yellow airplanes and toothpaste. Yes, I did - but that was several months ago. For all I knew, that airline might be in bankruptcy court by now....

But seriously: the commercial was for YellowBook -- as was the apparent focus of the survey. But the survey reached me a little early, as the latest edition of that phone book only landed on my porch earlier this week. It was the first YellowBook I've ever received - so maybe they were too "yellow" to deliver them in my part of town before.

It's called the YellowBook for a reason - as not only is the cover's color scheme yellow, but the yellow pages are in front of the white pages. Most phone company directories have the white pages first. It's a bit scary when the attorneys get higher priority than real people....

So which new phone book is better - the YellowBook, or the traditional and reliable BellSouth book? Let's compare in some key areas, beginning of course with....

1. LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL. BellSouth shows the Northern All-Stars on the cover, moments after winning the World Series. It's a great collector's item -- as long as you very carefully remove that annoying stick-on ad for Groome Transportation.

YellowBook gives the Northern All-Stars a tribute on page 25, and includes scores and a roster -- but c'mon, behind a map of METRA routes?!

2. COUPONS. YellowBook has plenty of them in the back, for everything from a wide range of restaurants to a paint service. And North Highland Church even offers a "free gift" on your first visit. Do you think it's a thing called salvation?!

On the other hand, BellSouth's "RealSavings Coupons" are terrible. There's only one page, with six coupons from a gutter company. Not one of them offers a free ladder, so the crew doesn't have to visit you so often.

3. GLENWOOD SCHOOL. As we mentioned the other day, BellSouth spells it correctly in the listings this year - six-for-six. YellowBook goes five-for-six, misspelling it as "Glennwood" once in the yellow pages. So maybe BellSouth hired a better proofreader.

(Then again, I know BellSouth has a better proofreader - because YellowBook's coupons include a full page with addresses in "Phoenix." And why you'd need eight coupons for a moving and storage company, I have no idea....)

4. CITY MAPS. This is becoming an annoyance with me, and both books fall short here. The detailed maps in BellSouth's front section cover only three pages, and suggest no one lives south of Cusseta Road or north of Britt David Road. At least they offend both sides of town evenhandedly.

YellowBook claims an edge with eight pages of detailed maps, stretching all the way to Schatulga Road at the east edge of Columbus. They reach north to Weems Road, but end just short of Columbus Park Crossing. It's a wonder Kohl's and Sears have any business at all.

5. ATTORNEY ADS. BellSouth has 16 full pages of ads for lawyers, at the start of that listing in the yellow pages. YellowBook has three - so many people would say they have a better book.

6. COLLEGES. In the front "newcomers" section of the directories, BellSouth mentions Georgia Military College while YellowBook does not. And again this year, neither seems to know Beacon University exists.

7. PUBLISHERS. YellowBook includes "Columbus and the Valley" and "Southern Views" magazines in its periodical listings. BellSouth has neither one. And when did the Republican Assembly of Muscogee County start printing magazines?

8. OUT-OF-TOWNERS. BellSouth has white pages not only for Columbus, but nearby cities such as Cusseta and LaGrange. YellowBook has none of those. That's the way to encourage local tourism....

9. ZIP CODES. YellowBook lists them for all of Georgia and Alabama. BellSouth does not - perhaps hoping you'll make long-distance calls to faraway towns to learn their zip codes, and make the company extra money.

10. MY NAME. It's spelled correctly in both books - but the four-column format of BellSouth puts me five pages ahead of YellowBook. They like me; they really like me....

And if you're nervous at all about YellowBook, let me assure you about one thing. I found NO pictures to match the TV commercial, of a child brushing teeth with yellow toothpaste.

This concludes our Blog Review of Books - so now let's check some more important things from Thursday:

+ The Arby's restaurant on Manchester Expressway was robbed for the second time in a month. Clearly, there are some people in this city who should NOT be "thinking Arby's."

+ Tree damage from Wednesday's storm forced the closure of 13^th Avenue, around the Muscogee County School District's main office. There, you see?! If that office is moved to land next to the main library, there will be no trees in the way of anything.

+ Russell County Superintendent Vivian Carter met with school principals, and revealed she wants to bring about a "cultural alignment." We'll see how many artists she can persuade to move out of the Historic District, and line up on Highway 431....

+ Columbus Police told WRBL they'll have one officer on duty at the SOA Watch event this weekend, for every 130 protesters. This probably won't be necessary at "God Bless Fort Benning" Saturday -- as long as the soldiers show up with their weapons.

+ A delegation from South Korea presented a million-dollar donation to help build the National Infantry Museum. It's the group's way of saying thanks for U.S. assistance in the Korean conflict - and may assure the new museum's theater shows an annual marathon of M*A*S*H episodes.

+ A Macon television station announced it will NOT show the upcoming "If I Did It...." special with O.J. Simpson. I'm hearing there's also pressure on WXTX Fox-54 not to show it -- but hold on a minute. Suppose John Walsh declares if Simpson did it, he's among "America's Most Wanted?"

+ Only two days before the Iron Bowl, Auburn running back Kenny Irons was spotted in Columbus - sitting in line outside a store, to buy a PlayStation 3 game system. What do you think Irons is doing while he's waiting? Studying a playbook? A textbook? Or a contract with an agent?

(How will Kenny Irons explain this to Coach Tommy Tuberville today? Maybe he'll try to say he was "thinking about the game....")

+ The first Georgia rivalry game of the college basketball season found "Tech" stomping "State" 103-74. Georgia Tech has scored 100 points in back-to-back games for the first time ever. As for my beloved Kansas Jayhawks - sigh -- you'd think against Oral Roberts, we might have had a prayer.

+ Instant Message to Mike Patton Auto of LaGrange: Why are you interviewing people about cars outside the Springer Opera House? Did everyone in LaGrange become knowledgeable, after they broke ground for the Kia plant?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4443 (+ 99, 2.3%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 12:00 AM

Thursday, November 16, 2006

16 NOV 06: SPAM SADDAM

The tension is starting to build in Columbus. The S.O.A. Watch protesters will be on one side. The "God Bless Fort Benning" celebrants will be on the other side. And somewhere between them along Victory Drive, the Ritmo Latino nightclub isn't sure if it should play a Spanish-language national anthem or not.

No matter which side you're taking this weekend, I'm not sure anyone would support the e-mailing of spam in the name of the Third Infantry Division. One of our InBoxes received such a message Wednesday -- supposedly sent by a Sergeant, and involving millions of dollars. No, I was NOT being recruited to claim the reward for Usama bin-Laden....

Here's the sergeant's e-mail, which landed in a "spam" InBox:

From: Sgt. Brian Fields

Sgt: Third (3rd) infantry Division US Military

Iraq

Direct

Dear Friend

My name is Sgt. Brian Fields I am an American soldier, serving in the military with the Third (3rd) infantry Division in Iraq. My superior and I after going on a rampage on Saddam Hussein palace in Baghdad discovered a substantial amount of money. You may need to check out the following BBC website to confirm more of our discovery which was made know to the government, but this particular one is a top secret....

While on the mission, we took to a secure place with the assistance of our contact person in UK (A private attorney of our UK military colleague); the total is $25,000,000.00 (Twenty Five million US dollars). Basically since we are working for the government we cannot keep these funds in our bank account. It is on this juncture that we decided to seek your assistance to keep this money for us in your account or an offshore account controlled by you.

There is no risk involved whatsoever. If you are interested I will send you the full details, my job is to find a good partner that we can trust and that will assist us. Can I trust you? To ensure confidentiality, when you receive this letter, kindly reply me via e-mail signifying your interest including your confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication and also your contact details for identification

Respectfully submitted

Sgt. Brian Fields

I'm a firm believer in keeping my "sources" confidential - but if they're going to give me millions of stolen dollars, I'm not sure that's a good idea.

U.S. soldiers certainly have taken some plunder from Saddam Hussein's palaces across Iraq. I've been told some of it is on display at Fort Benning's National Infantry Museum. But I might have been happier if the soldiers had come home with title deeds to Iraqi oil fields.

But there are a few big problems with this e-mail. For starters, the Third Infantry Division is NOT serving in Iraq right now. Redeployment isn't scheduled until next year 2007 - so the mock cities they've prepared for drills at Fort Benning and Fort Stewart may be more pricy than we thought.

Besides that, since when did the U.S. Army start monitoring soldiers' personal bank accounts? Who knows how many personnel could be busted, for using ATM's on Victory Drive late at night....

On top of all that, Sgt. Brian Fields has an AOL address for replying to his offer - but the address which sent the offer was based at some web site in Italy. With all respect to John Kerry, I think our soldiers know the difference between countries which begin with "I."

I've looked at enough e-mails over the years to realize this offer from a "sergeant" smells fishy. It's similar to scam offers from bankers for plane crash victims, or widows of central African leaders. The wife of Mobutu Sese Seko has e-mailed me so many times, part of me wants to wire her flowers in response.

But there's a troubling side to this e-mail. A check of the "urban legend" web site Snopes.com has no listing of a scam like this. But then again, I looked in the "military" section. Perhaps I should have done a specific search for "Nigerian army."

If fact-or-fiction web sites don't mention this military scam, I wonder how many people have been taken by it -- perhaps giving up their credit card or checking account numbers. The old advice to soldiers of giving only a "name, rank and serial number" is awfully outdated in the age of identity theft.

We e-mailed the Third Infantry Division about this scam Wednesday night, but had received no reply by post time. It could be that the Army has no one named Brian Fields at all - that it's all the work of someone who really would rather stay a "private," not a sergeant.

SPAM-A-RAMA: We received another spam message the other day with the title: "SMOKERS COUGH? QUIT FOR LIFE, SADIST." Someone must have thought I lived in Auburn....

Auburn joined the crowd of cities Wednesday, with a ban on almost all public smoking. It took effect just in time for today's Great American Smoke-Out -- but a little late to damage Rep. Mike Hubbard, after that smoky attack ad.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Here's a follow-up letter from the top woman at Midtown Inc. on the city auditor issue:

Good morning Richard. I was out of town and have just had the opportunity to see your comments to my email regarding the internal v. external auditor issue. An internal auditor may be less expensive than an external auditor. (I truly don't know, particularly when you consider benefits in addition to salary. Of course, many fiscal conservative clamor for the efficiencies" of outsourcing.) If one chooses the internal auditor for costs sake, then the questions is: Do we give up the external auditor or pay for the redundancy of having an internal and external auditor? If you fire the external auditors and hire an internal auditor, then the city has given up the independence of the external auditor, which is so important. I bring this up again, because I believe the auditor debate was confused by the interchanging use of internal v. external auditor. I think what we ended up with was both an internal and external auditor and the redundancy and waste that goes with it. That's why I was surprised to see our community's fiscal conservatives pushing so hard for the two roles to be established. It would have been efficient to have the Finance Director assume internal audit functions, maintain the external auditor, and save the cost of an additional city position. I will stop beating the dead horse now. Thanks.

Teresa Pike Tomlinson, Esq.

I'm not all that sure this horse is dead, your Esquireness. The TV stations may find another $500,000 in city bills which haven't been paid -- making you wonder if journalists should apply for the City Auditor job.

Another e-mail reached us late in the day, about the big news story of the day:

Excellent coverage from the TV Stations on the Storm on Wensday.

Give yourselves a big pat on the back.

From what I saw on the evening newscasts, I think at least one station already is giving itself that "big pat" on the air. But I'm not sure WRBL's Bob Jeswald has any strength left to do that - because he was on TV so much....

Severe weather moved through the Columbus area during early afternoon. When a tornado warning was issued for part of Muscogee County, Peachtree Mall closed all its stores and gathered customers near the Food Court. Huh - no store left open to sell umbrellas?

WRBL reported even the Russell County courthouse closed for the afternoon, because of the storm. We certainly don't couples getting married, then being showered with hailstones outside instead of confetti.

Now before we dry out and pick up the pine straw which blew across our yards, let's check other things which happened Wednesday:

+ The Chattahoochee County Commission voted to appeal a court-ordered freeze on the new police department. The issue will go before the Georgia Supreme Court. To which incoming commissioners probably said: "The court will hear that case when our freeze is over."

+ Police officials told WXTX "News at Ten" they do NOT patrol South Columbus any more than North Columbus. Of course they don't - because they're all focusing these days on downtown and Broadway.

+ Dr. Vivian Carter spent her first day on the job as Russell County School Superintendent. Carter says her tour of the schools found "teachers engaged...." Could she be more specific, please - engaged in legal behavior, or illegal?

+ WRBL reported Columbus dentist Murray Newlin hired temporary workers to stand in line for hours outside Wal-Mart stores, to buy the new PlayStation 3 for his relatives. This proves Georgia Labor Commissioner Mike Thurmond's commercial was right. There's a "job for every Georgian" - even lazy ones who lie down on the job all day.

(Newlin reportedly dropped the temps, after word of what he did spread around town. Those poor workers -- now they have to settle for low-budget video games at the bowling center.)

+ ESPN's web site reported Columbus native Frank Thomas is on the verge of signing a two-year contract with baseball's Toronto Blue Jays. You may not realize how big an adjustment this will be for Thomas. He'll have to bite his tongue, every time a Canadian spells it "centre field."

+ Instant Message to Cheryl Burke: If you're going on that "Dancing With the Stars" tour to Atlanta in a few weeks, I have a song ready to share on the floor with you. It's an old Anne Murray tune -- "Can I have this dance, for the rest of my life?"

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Christian comic Mark Lowry at Wynnbrook Baptist Church.... the Broadway version of "Aida" at the RiverCenter.... and FREE intimidation of smokers, on Great American Smoke-Out Day....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4344 (+ 73, 1.7%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 12:11 AM

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

15 NOV 06: BETTER EARLY THAN LATE

"Are you one of the callers to TalkLine?" a woman asked me outside a meeting room Tuesday. No, I'm not. She didn't ask if I was once one of the guests - or perhaps one of the frequently quoted sources....

The question came from an Archway Broadcasting employee, before a sales presentation Tuesday. Several days ago, a telemarketer in North Carolina called to invite me to a special "open house" for small business owners. Trouble is, the caller quoted the name of a business I gave up four years ago.

But just for fun (and a blog topic), I gave the caller the name of this blog and reserved a seat at one of the sales presentations. What would Archway executives tell me about radio in Columbus? Would they tell the truth? And most importantly for a single guy like me - how close would I come to a free lunch?

The sales presentation was NOT held at the Archway Broadcasting offices on 13^th Avenue. Instead, a room was reserved at the Hilton Garden Inn near the J.R. Allen Parkway. The hotel staff must not like the fact that its "Garden Inn" entrance sign is next to one for an allergy clinic.... [True!]

The Archway staff members told me the turnout was strong for morning presentations - but for this early afternoon time, I turned out to be the only customer in the room. Yet I was promised NO high-pressure sales tactics. There wouldn't even be a commitment for a timeshare condominium.

The Hilton Garden Inn meeting room had nice pastries for the visitors, apparently left over from the morning sessions. During my session, they were replaced with brownie triangles and cookies. No, that does NOT qualify as a free lunch for me. Add some rolled-up turkey slices on a toothpick, and we could argue about it....

After waiting about 15 minutes past the scheduled starting time for someone besides me to show up, the Archway sales manager came in. He offered me the option of watching the 20-minute presentation or reviewing a one-page summary. Of course, I wanted the full show. Would you drive all the way across town, simply to see a movie trailer?

The Archway Broadcasting people didn't have me sign a waiver or declare anything "off the record," so I'm assuming everything they said is OK for public consumption. For instance, the staff member who mentioned she used to drop Jolly Rancher candies in Zima drinks for added flavor....

But I digress: The "Business Rewards Open House" began by comparing local media outlets. Did you know the circulation of the Ledger-Enquirer is now below 35,000? It's lost about 37 percent of its readership in the last 15 years. So it's no wonder it dropped a weekly pro wrestling column, for one about poker.

The Archway Broadcasting presenter went on to say if you want to buy a full-page ad in this Sunday's Ledger-Enquirer, it will cost around $7,000. A quarter-page ad will cost about $2,500. Yeah, but a 50-cent horoscope remains a lot less expensive than a psychic reading.

(And if you want to advertise to people younger than 26, forget about the Ledger-Enquirer. I was told teens and young adults NEVER read newspapers -- so it may be time for "Yak" on the children's page to head out to pasture.)

What about television? I was told a 30-second commercial during "CSI: Miami" on WRBL will cost me $2,300. So?! I can probably buy time during their 5:00 p.m. newscast for a whole lot less than that....

But the goal of the presentation was to persuade me to advertise on radio, with Archway Broadcasting. I was told the four Archway stations reach 75,400 listeners a week -- enough people to fill Atlanta's Turner Field twice. Trouble was, with my business they'd all need to carry laptops with wi-fi cards into the ballpark.

My commercial on Archway Broadcasting would reach a large number of "prosumers." That's a new media buzz word, describing "proactive consumers." If more and more of them supposedly are becoming proactive, how is this country growing more and more obese?

So here was the big discount deal of the day: I could have 120 commercials on the four Archway radio stations in the first week of every month, for only $750 a month. I was offered the first week of the month because car dealers tend to buy ads at the end of the month - so they save their best offers for the close, even then.

If I took Archway Broadcasting up on this offer, some amazing extras were thrown in - such as a five-day trip to Nashville, an evening at the Hilton Garden Inn and dozens of free on-air "Christmas greeting" messages. As someone who doesn't keep Christmas, my messages would be a sure-fire way to start a Baptist boycott.

Deal (dramatic pause goes here) or no deal? I told the Archway salespeople I wasn't ready to buy ad time, and they understood. There was no attempt to sweeten the offer, by offering me lunch with Robbie Watson.

With the presentation over, I had a few questions of my own for the Archway people - such as the impact of satellite radio on their business. The presenter took an educated guess, and presumed only one-tenth of one percent of Columbus residents have it. So he doesn't seem to take it too Sirius-ly....

The Archway people also told me it could take another "six months to a year" before the signal adjustments are finally finished and approved for WRCG. So the adjustments stemming from the death of Chuck McClure could affect that station for more than two years in all. I thought he was big government complications.

As I picked up a brownie and cookie before leaving, I took off my poker face. I told the Archway people I had appeared on WRCG's "TalkLine" a few months ago [14 Aug]. If they had not heard about this blog when I was on the air then -- and on free of charge, for close to a half-hour -- how effective would my 30-second ad really be?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Your blogger was busted big-time Tuesday -- and yes, we had it coming:

I remembered you referring to me as the "local curse of the Bambino" for always being on the losing side. My streak continues since I was intimately involved in Poydasheff's campaign.

Also, I looked back at your January 1st, 2006, entry and saw that you thought Sonny Perdue was the politician least likely to be re-elected and Bob Poydasheff the most likely. Care to revise that?

Colin Martin

Nope, Colin, the damage is done. I won't revise it -- but I'll be glad to share your curse for a few weeks.

Colin's referring back to the first awards show of the year, our annual "Burkard Awards." Sure enough, that's how we figured the way this election year would go. Little did I realize the rally for Columbus public safety officers would grow so large - and the critics of how Georgia's Governor handled the state flag would be so suppressed by the Republican Party.

(And not only that, little did I know some blog readers would have such long and painful memories of what I've written....)

Another new e-mail brings up an old issue here - and we've duplicated it as best we can, for the full effect:

Please tell my mind is not flashing back to the 60's. The color changing every four or five seconds on the blog page is causing me
trouble. Can you help to stop this?

Thank you

dirtroadrider

First of all, I'm surprised the "signature" on this message is in purple. I thought the country song was called "Red Dirt Road."

The only way I could stop the color changes would be to change the format of this blog - and long-time readers know how controversial that's been. We've had two poll questions here about it, and the last one ended in a tie [26 Jun]. Should we have a third vote on this issue five months later -- before we've even rotated a new mayor into office?

If you want to get around the color changes, my best advice would be to copy the text of our entries and paste it onto a Microsoft Word or Wordpad page. Maybe then you can read it with a one-color bag of M&M's.

Our last message today is truly on a grave subject:

I went to Riverdale Cemetery on a search of some dates of ancestors...I was very happy to find the grounds well cared for and litter gone...I e-mailed the city gov't person who is the supervisor and got a nice e-mail back from him.. I encourage anyone with ancestors buried in Riverdale to check on the condition of the markers. There are many in need of repair , which the city does not do . The city cemeteries are so valuable to family and city history.

Is it legal for descendants of the dead do their own repairs to markers? If skateboarders can use their own small bag of concrete for a project under the Oglethorpe Bridge, it could be possible....

A big repair job tops our look at other Tuesday news:

+ Parts of Columbus lost running water for hours, after construction workers at the airport broke a 30-inch main. Do you think outgoing mayor Bob Poydasheff ordered that digging - hoping to find oil, to cover all that uncollected money?

(After looking at the gushing water main break on WXTX "News at Ten," part of me hoped city crews would NOT repair the damage. That was the most impressive new fountain the "Fountain City" has seen in years.)

+ Broadway resident Jim Thorsen told WRBL he's concerned about the Bradley Theatre being turned into a "1,600-person nightclub" on weekends. Is that all?! A card I picked up for a Fountain City Classic party "guaranteed over 5,000 in attendance" there. Did the organizers expect three waves of arrests?

+ Georgia lost to Western Kentucky in men's college basketball 70-67. Georgia led from the start until the last 20 seconds of the game - showing why sportscasters know better than to rely on "early returns."

+ Instant Message to the Publix on Bradley Park Drive: What was HE doing there?! I mean, that ho-ho-hoing guy with a red suit at Tuesday night's "Holiday Fest." Doesn't Thanksgiving come first? Or was the Rivertown Ford dancing turkey booked somewhere else?

(Well, then again, maybe the bird was supposed to show up later. The food samples were filled with shrimp, swine and sushi - not turkey, for some reason.)

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4271 (+ 145, 3.5%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 12:40 AM

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

14 NOV 06: WHERE "HAS" ALL THE FLOWERS GONE?

"I have no idea where that came from." That's what Muscogee County Schools Athletic Director Charles Flowers told your blog Monday, when we asked about rumors involving his future. No, he has no plans to step down or change jobs. Whoever tried this "psych job" may have forgotten he doesn't coach Shaw High School football anymore.

We had received another e-mail rumor involving Muscogee County Schools. This time, Charles Flowers supposedly was about to give up the district athletic director job to move to Carver High School. This rumor apparently started at Shaw High - where you'd think they'd try to spread rumors to bring him back.

The rumor passed on to me went all over the place. It involved coaches who supposedly are not fully certified, yet keep coaching. It involved supposedly unpaid bills for state championship rings. And most seriously, it involved Charles Flowers's family. If the old series "Boston Public" had a plot like this, it might still be on the air.

But I was focused less on the soap opera and more on the job situation - because if the facts were wrong about Charles Flowers's job, could I really trust any of the other stuff? Well, I suppose a chicken CAN keep running for a while with its head cut off....

Charles Flowers strongly indicated to me the rumor about an upcoming job change was wrong. So maybe the rumor-spreaders should get their evidence together, and spread it before the school board - because last time I checked, we don't elect athletic directors in Columbus.

The timing of the Charles Flowers rumor is interesting, as both Carver and Shaw are preparing for the high school football playoffs. The AAA bracket actually makes it possible for Carver to face Atlanta's Carver High in the quarterfinals. Maybe the tiebreaker in that game should be a peanut invention quiz.

Shaw faces a long road trip to open the playoffs. The Raiders play Friday night at South Effingham -- which makes me wonder if the bracket-maker owns a lot of oil company stock.

Several area teams remain in the Alabama high school football playoffs. There are Auburn and Opelika in class 6-A, Eufaula in class 5-A, along with Lanett and Loachapoka in class 2-A - where you'd think a high school named "Holy Spirit" would have had the power to make the second round.

Our check of the football pairings Monday night uncovered a local group of state champions you may not know about. Congratulations to Columbus High, which won the Georgia AAA title for one-act plays. The group performed "The Grass Harp" - and somehow the Metro Narcotics Task Force never knew about it.

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT: Thanks to all the blog readers who called Monday, when we made a second appearance on WLTZ's "Rise-N-Shine." And my apologies again to the people of Chattahoochee County - as I hope the county police cars come out of hiding very soon.

A Chattahoochee County Commissioner called Rise-N-Shine to say I'd made a "potentially libelous" comment about vandalized police cars, and should apologize for it. I'd basically repeated a line we posted here last month [26 Oct] -- but I knew I should have taken my bell to ring, so everyone was clear about when I told the jokes.

Rise-N-Shine host Calvin Floyd told me the few Chattahoochee County police cars had disappeared from view in recent days. Some might think it's because of the commission election, with voters supporting the county sheriff. But I offered my own theory: "It's called undercover work."

In case you missed Rise-N-Shine, the "open line" hour touched on many things - besides a couple of plugs for my album:

+ Two callers disagreed about what women face in the Darfur region of Sudan. This was a pretty serious international topic, for a Monday morning at 6:00 in Columbus - and I wondered if these callers had been unable to get through to C-SPAN.

+ Bert Coker called to discuss his failed write-in campaign for mayor. He promised to campaign next time under the name "Tyrone the Tiger." He might do better moving to Tyrone, Georgia, near Peachtree City.

+ The walking government magnifying glass also called. Paul Olson claimed Pastor J.H. Flakes is breaking the rules for non-profit groups, by making calls on behalf of One Columbus, Inc. endorsing city candidates. Of course, if we really WERE "One Columbus," there would have been no need for an election.

(By the way, if Paul Olson is finally reading the blog today - are you going to report Bert Coker? His big campaign sign hadn't come down from outside your business Monday morning, and it's six days after the vote.)

+ A woman spotted something about the telephone listings for Glenwood School we admittedly overlooked. The spelling may be right now - but the location is listed as both Phenix City and Smiths Station, depending on which line you read. Maybe the administrators are hedging their bets, until the next Phenix City Mayor receives that big raise.

+ But perhaps the thing which amazed me most was the topic absolutely no caller brought up - Georgia's big win over Auburn.

E-MAIL UPDATE: We know important people watch NBC-38 in the morning, because we heard Monday from the woman in charge of Midtown Inc.:

Richard - Enjoyed seeing you on Rise-n-Shine. Appreciate the service you are providing. I also appreciate your attempts to stop inaccurate spin. I am interested in the criticism of Councilor Suber's voting against an internal auditor. I do think that his detractors are misconstruing that vote as being against having an outside or independent auditor, which is a completely different thing. An internal auditor is certainly not independent, like an outside auditor. It can be said that an internal auditor is redundant of the services which are being providing, or should be provided, by the Finance Director. In fact, the internal auditor we previously had either missed the Dumping Fees issue or handled it improperly, giving rise to the question of whether an internal auditor is a functional or efficient position in our city structure. I wonder why the council did not suggest that the Finance Director (who has more accountability than a lower ranked internal auditor) was not given the internal auditor oversight and required to report to council directly 4 times a year. That certainly would have resulted in less overhead for the city in creating a largely redundant position of internal auditor. Seems to me that Mr Suber had the more efficient solution to the problem by voting to maintain the outside, independent auditor and requiring the Finance Director to oversee internal audit functions. That certainly costs the taxpayers less and would be more efficient. It also seems to me that Mr. Suber's detractors are misleading the public into thinking that the councilor voted against an independent auditor, which is incorrect.

Teresa Pike Tomlinson, Esq.

We should note Ms. Tomlinson is an attorney - so if that libel suit is filed in Chattahoochee County, we're ready.

This issue came up during Rise-n-Shine, and my main question was which sort of auditor would cost the city more money. I'm no Jim "Mr. Common Sense" Wetherington, but I'd think an internal auditor would cost less - so is Nathan Suber repenting of being a big-government Democrat?

Yet another discovery was announced Monday night, where a city auditor could have come in handy. The evening news reported METRA has failed to collect fines on more than 21,000 parking tickets, losing more than $500,000. The big long buses simply can't chase down those violators who speed away.

Speaking of Nathan Suber's "detractors," runoff opponent Jerry Barnes gained the endorsement Monday of third-place candidate Charles Weaver. Isn't this touching to see? Weaver is Vice President of the New Joshua Generation - yet he's still willing to back someone nicknamed Pops.

One other e-mail reached us Monday - as another area blogger says we're wrong again:

No Phenix City businesses congratulating the Little League champs? Don't you ever drive US-80? The Spectrum (or whatever it is) at Auburn Road had one up for a long time. Heck, maybe still has, I need to check when I head to work this AM.

Seem to recall more, but I can't pinpoint any. Could be wrong.

Basil

Yes, I do drive down U.S. 80 once in awhile - but west of U.S. 280 after dark, I'm sometimes distracted by other things. Like making sure I don't run off the dimly-lit road....

Come to think of it, there might actually have been one sign in Phenix City honoring the Northern All-Stars - but I don't think it was anywhere close to the Ladonia sports complex.

Thanks again to all who provide us feedback - and now for some closing memos from Monday:

+ Gas prices in Columbus jumped for the third time in about a week, to $2.14 a gallon near the Civic Center. That'll teach some of you to vote the Democrats into control of Congress.

+ Golden Corral offered its annual free thank-you meal to veterans and active-duty military personnel. It had to take some work to prepare those MRE's for the buffet - you know, Meats Ready to Eat.

+ The Georgia NAACP staged a protest at the Taylor County Courthouse. The county commission apparently still hasn't installed the promised "integrated plaque" listing the county's World War II veterans. So why the delay? Are they having trouble finding an integrated company to make it?!

+ Carmike Cinemas executives told WRBL they hope to make all 15 screens at Columbus Park Crossing digital by January. Those of you in Phenix City will have to go next door to hhgregg, to buy a digital screen of your own....

+ Instant Message to whomever drove a four-by-four on the Phenix City Riverwalk Monday night: First of all, you barely left me room to run. Second of all, I'm not sure that wooden ramp south of 13^th Street was strong enough to hold your vehicle. And third of all, driving with no lights on at around 7:15 p.m. will NOT end our addiction to oil.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: FREE "Holiday Fest" food samples at Publix stores from 4:00 - 8:00 p.m..... "Preview Day" for Wednesday's one-day sale at Macy's.... and "Mix it Up" day at Northside High School, where we hope students don't organize a fight club....

COMING THIS WEEK: A book war erupts in Columbus homes....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4126 (+ 107, 2.7%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 12:02 AM

Monday, November 13, 2006

13 NOV 06: THREE-COURSE LEFTOVERS

Maybe you don't have this problem, but I eat leftovers at home several days a week. Today I'm sharing a few leftovers with you -- and if you want to pour seasoned salt on them for flavor, I won't be offended at all.

1. BRIDGE WORK. Back in September we brought you a blog "Monday mystery" under the Oglethorpe Bridge [25 Sep] - in which it appeared someone had set up a miniature ramp for skateboarding. I'd never seen anyone actually use it. But those boarders like to come out after dark - like the beggars seeking a different sort of "board."

But now the plot has thickened in this mystery. A check of the Oglethorpe Bridge late last week found the concrete-and-brick ramp was in pieces. Someone or something had demolished it. Were city crews ordered to take it down? Or did a lineman celebrate by jumping up and down too much, after the Fountain City Classic?

From years of walking and jogging, I know a mess can develop under the Oglethorpe Bridge at times. Pieces of rock are left behind on the sidewalk, after graffiti under the bridge is sandblasted away. When you have to go up the incline to avoid skidding, that's a real mess....

But in the current case, the sidewalk actually seemed cleaner when I went for a walk. To do that AND tear up that small concrete ramp - well, how do you sweep with a sledgehammer, anyway?

2. SPELL CHUCKLES. We have good news from the new Columbus telephone book. Glenwood School now is spelled accurately - in both the white and yellow pages. The English teachers are free to look down their noses at public school teachers again....

We admittedly poked a bit of fun at Glenwood School over the last couple of years, because its telephone listing was misspelled with an extra "n." I'm not sure whether BellSouth or Glenwood was to blame for that. But it didn't make a private school look good - especially if you're interested in Glenwood for more than the baseball program.

So how do other schools fare in our telephone book spell-check? Almost all of them are find - but check the white pages right below Russell County Middle School, and you'll find "Russell CUNTY High." As if the students there haven't had enough trials to face in the last 12 months....

3. TWO-SIDED CHEERS. A Sunday drive up the 280 Bypass in Phenix City revealed something which surprised me. Some Alabama motels may have been used to house contestants in the Georgia High School Association cheerleading championship -- perhaps causing collateral pizza crust damage.

A welcome sign for the "GHSA" was posted outside the Ramada Inn, just south of the Phenix City Wal-Mart. Why would the sign be there, if that motel wasn't housing some of the cheerleaders? I don't recall any Phenix City businesses congratulating the Little League champions....

Perhaps the entire Columbus area was offered, in a pitch to bring the Georgia High School Cheerleading Championships to town. But I wonder if it's a good thing image-wise for contestants in a Georgia state tournament to be housed in Alabama. The Phenix City businesses probably don't mind - they'll be part of "One Columbus" as long as it's one big payday.

Because of an early bedtime for our appearance on NBC-38, we'll wrap things up with some quick Sunday notes:

+ Which local camera shop owner has put ads in local newspapers, warning Jesus will return in the fall of 2011? The owner has confirmed to me that he paid for them. But I think it's a little too early to visit his shop, for a "going out of business sale."

+ Rural areas of Lee County began Sunday beer sales, in the wake of a vote last Tuesday. If you believed the jingle that the Lee County Flea Market was "far from ordinary" before, just wait....

+ The Liberty Theatre began a series of biography movies, to raise money for a "walk of fame" of local artists. But doesn't the Chattahoochee Promenade already have this sort of thing, near the Riverwalk? And they're small monuments, so there's no risk of people walking all over Ma Rainey's reputation.

+ Our BBMI, the Burkard Bulk Mail Index, fell below 4,000 for a time. This is what happens when mortgage rates aren't at record lows anymore....

+ Cleveland gave the Atlanta Falcons their second embarrassing loss in a row, 17-13. TV post-game shows faulted Michael Vick for not holding the football properly when he ran. Backup Matt Schaub might hold it properly - and get sacked, for holding it too long.

+ Instant Message to the staff at McDonald's near Summerville Road in Phenix City: Thank you very much! You were kind enough to come outside to my car with my fries, when I thought they were in the bag with my sandwiches. You're only one step away from matching Sonic down the street.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4019 (- 296, 6.9%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 4:38 AM

Sunday, November 12, 2006

12 NOV 06: A BLUNT INSTRUMENT

The post-election analysis continues this weekend. I don't mean the reviews on TV talk shows or in newspaper editorials, but at churches. Groups such as the Southern Baptists may be spending extra time in prayer and repentance - and asking God to reveal where the other Ted Haggards are.

The church denomination I attend claims to be "apolitical." It advises members to pray about elections, instead of voting. But come to our congregation and you'll quickly discover the members are quite conservative and pro-Republican. I think at least one man still blames former President Carter for the floods in Americus and Albany in the early 1990's.

When my pastor stepped up for the church "announcements" Saturday afternoon, he spent close to ten minutes discussing last Tuesday's election. He wanted us to have a "positive" perspective on the vote -- yet he never talked about how well Republicans did across Georgia.

The pastor declared it's been a "week of depression," because Democrats are taking control of Congress. He said it "forebodes some dark days" ahead, because Democrats these days tend to be "socialist." Yes sirree, we're apolitical....

The pastor seemed annoyed that potential House Speaker Nancy Pelosi appeared for a TV interview "wearing Armani." He said that sort of designer outfit "is worn by celebrities." Now I feel guilty about the Yves Saint Laurent tie I used to wear - even though I bought it on sale at TJ Maxx.

The pastor is convinced that with Democrats taking control of Congress and Republicans seemingly ready to strike compromises, taxes will go up. He said it would be "a shame" for the "death tax" to be restored. The official name for this is the estate tax - but we all know how Republicans oppose changing names to make them politically correct.

The pastor claimed Muslims around the world are "jumping for joy" - not only because of the election, but because Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has resigned. It was almost as if he's forgotten George W. Bush is still President for two more years....

And if that wasn't enough, the pastor suggested "tolerance" had gone too far in this election. He said the victory of a Muslim in a U.S. House seat in Minnesota shows our country "is coming apart at the seams." The founding fathers apparently lacked vision and were too liberal, when they put "freedom of religion" in the Bill of Rights.

The pastor told us in Tuesday's election, the U.S. voters chose security as opposed to freedom. Yet he's mentioned how former President Clinton brought shame on the office - so sometimes too much freedom in the wrong direction can be wrong as well.

So did Democrats win control of Congress because our congregation didn't pray hard enough for - well, for God's will to be done, since we're apolitical? Maybe not. The pastor said God puts officials in charge who reflect "the hearts of the people." I didn't realize so many were as mushy as Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes's.

The pastor implied by putting Democrats in control of Congress, the U.S. electorate had rejected God. Yet in the sermon that followed on the Biblical book of Daniel, he noted "empires come and go." Perhaps he suddenly remembered the first two years of Bill Clinton's Presidency - when Democrats controlled Congress, before they were voted out.

>> LANGUAGE ALERT: But the pastor was so wound up by his "announcements" that he made another shocking statement during the sermon. He said too many college students ask themselves, "Who am I gonna get laid with today?" He said that phrase TWICE!! It's a word I'm hesitant to use, even about chickens and eggs....

(The pastor also called a woman in the book of Genesis a "two-bit floozy." Somehow, I don't think the dancers on Victory Drive would settle for two bits anymore.)

This church service reminded me of how the denomination is "apolitical" in public -- but really in name only. I recalled the day in October 2000 when this same pastor said during a service: "Let's all hope George W. Bush wins the election." I stayed away the next weekend in protest. But this year I can't do that -- because the Thanksgiving dinner follows next week's service, and I signed up to bring bread.

BLOG UPDATE: Speaking of the election, we want to help plan Jim Wetherington's agenda as Mayor. Governor Sonny Perdue has a "Sonny-Do list" - which hopefully he's going to reveal in detail in the next few weeks, so reporters or Democrats won't have to get a court order to release it.

But I digress: to borrow from grade school, let's call the agenda for Mayor-Elect Jim Wetherington the "Big Chief's tablet." Simply e-mail the blog with your proposals, and we'll post them here for the incoming mayor and his staff to review. We can't guarantee he'll do all those projects, of course - especially since he can't for more than one sales tax increase at a time.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Our Friday hockey note brought a comment about the radio announcer:

RE: + We mentioned the Columbus Cottonmouths losing at Pee Dee 6-4 - in what radio announcer Mike Vee called a "bizarre" game. Vee complained the referees "cannot call penalties every two or three minutes. hat's not what people pay to see." Vee must not know how the mayor's race turned out.

Remember, this is the same Mike Vee who (at least when I was there) violated league rules as an announcer and always started "Let's Go Snakes" cheers. I always found him to be the least enjoyable part of the game.

Hippity Hop

Yes, that's the same Mike Vee calling Cottonmouths games on WEAM-AM. From what I've heard so far this season, he's not leading cheers like that on radio. He's not really leading jeers of the referees, either.

I had an on-air dispute with Mike Vee a few years ago, when he hosted a sports talk show on another radio station. I disagreed with him about whether fighting sometimes is necessary in hockey. He said it was. Somehow the National Basketball Association disagreed with this a couple of years ago.

We also have a post-election e-mail today. It may need a language alert of its own -- and it seems aimed at a TV station's general manager:

"hey Lee"

What's on our minds

Your Main News Reporter and a field reporter reported on the news cast earlier this week that they could not find anyone that was against the Fire Fee increase for Lee County"

"Well - Gall-a-lee Gee - Wheez what do you know.. It failed - It failed county wide.

Seems that the one sided news reporters were at it again, this time - sticking their noses in Lee County Alabama business - trying to influence an outcome.

- and because your own city used safety as an issue to influence a election-you thought it would work else where too...

Lee County voters saw thru what the Amendment turely was and sent it back to the trash can, we're not as dumb and stupid as the east side of the river thinks we is.

Say good nite "Jon Boy"

Ouch! Maybe the opponents of the higher fire fee were all too busy to talk with the TV reporters - busy putting up extra firewalls on their homes.

But were the reporters "sticking their noses in Lee County, Alabama business" - or simply reporting on a concern of volunteer fire departments there? The departments certainly wanted that fee to go up. Perhaps they didn't expect so many fee-fi-foes.

(At least voters sent the fire fee increase "to the trash can." They weren't "dumb and stupid" enough to incinerate it -- because the fire crews might not have shown up to handle that.)

Now let's handle other weekend news with proper attention and care:

+ The "Sons of the American Revolution" placed flags on local graves, to mark Veterans Day. Hopefully no one from the Sons of Confederate Veterans did the same thing - because anyone pushed to the ground might not have been able to get up.

+ Davis Broadcasting of "Foxie 105" fame announced it will buy two radio stations in northwest Georgia. One of them happens to be "Sunny 100 FM" -- only in Talking Rock. So don't be surprised if Clear Channel responds by offering to buy Fox-54.

+ Nikki America opened a new fuel systems plant in Auburn. Organizers were smart enough NOT to play old songs by Prince, to mark the occasion....

+ The American Red Cross staged its annual fundraising "duck race," with 10,000 rubber ducks dropped in the Chattahoochee River. But if none of them look like the AFLAC duck, it just doesn't seem right in Columbus.

+ The Georgia High School Association held its state cheerleading championship at the Civic Center. It cost three dollars to park at this event, while I didn't notice any parking fee for the softball tournament - so I guess this tells us which groups of young women are considered hotter.

(WRBL reported Harris County won the AAA state cheerleading title. So will there be a parade in Hamilton to celebrate this? Will all the football players have to do back flips, in tribute?)

+ Georgia stunned Auburn on the road in college football 37-15. It was the final home game for War Eagle VI, so a special "breakfast with Tiger" was arranged -- but who really expected it would be followed by "lunch OF Tiger"?!?!

(How many Auburn fans are pinning this loss on the Ledger-Enquirer? After all, the page-one headline for Troy Johnson's Saturday column said, "Hard to Muster Much Enthusiasm.")

+ Georgia Tech nipped North Carolina 7-0, to clinch a spot in the Atlantic Coast Conference championship game. Tech is the champion of the "Coastal Division" - which makes about as much sense to me as Louisville being in the Big East Conference.

(Tongue twister headline of the day: "Tech's team took a ticket to a top title tilt.")

+ Troy University remained unbeaten in conference play by felling Florida Atlantic 24-17. The Troy announcers noted Florida Atlantic has a linebacker named Frantz Joseph. He stands six-foot-three and weighs 235 pounds - so it's hard to envision a time when Frantz Joseph's hidin'.

SCHEDULED MONDAY: We update a recent "Monday mystery".... and appear on NBC-38 LIVE at 6:00 a.m....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4315 (- 536, 11.0%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 1:04 AM

Friday, November 10, 2006

10 NOV 06: P.D. OR NOT P.D.?

That is the question - and voters in neighboring counties have given different answers. Columbus is putting a former chief of the police department in the mayor's office. Chattahoochee County may shut down its new police department. And oh yes -- Pee Dee beat the Cottonmouths in hockey Thursday night 6-4.

Chattahoochee County Police Chief Ken Suddeth told WRBL Thursday he plans to keep working, even though a judge has ordered a freeze on the department's growth. Suddeth says he plans "to protect and to serve" - even if that means protecting his office, when he's served a court order.

The new police department in Chattahoochee County is in limbo because of more than the court order. Voters kicked out two pro-police commissioners Tuesday, then a third commissioner resigned. It's tempting to borrow Frank Myers's line from Tuesday night and say, "There's a new sheriff in town" - except the voters prefer the current one.

Chattahoochee County Commissioner Wade Coleman agrees with the Tuesday vote. He said Thursday a separate police department is "not what consolidation [with Cusseta] was about." Wait until Jim Wetherington hears that quote - then the rumors about City Manager Isaiah Hugley will move to Sheriff Ralph Johnson.

The outcome in Chattahoochee County clearly was a vote of confidence in that county's sheriff. Rumors had swirled about him not serving arrest warrants. But a state investigation found nothing - matching what visitors to the Cusseta City Park found for several years.

There's now a real possibility that with new members next year, the Chattahoochee County Commission will vote on eliminating the police department. But wouldn't that bring a lawsuit from the other direction? And besides, the Sheriff's Department patrol cars are so much closer for vandalizing.

You would think in all of this, someone would contact the Columbus Government Center and ask how they do it. There's a city police department and a county Sheriff's Department, and they seem to get along fine. There's even a Marshal's Department - which will breathe a lot easier if Nathan Suber loses the Columbus Council runoff.

People south of Chattahoochee County should be watching all this very carefully. Voters in Quitman County decided this week to consolidate their government with the city of Georgetown. Why they didn't follow the high school's example and merge with Stewart County, I'm not really sure....

While we're talking police: where is the outrage in Phenix City? You'd think officers would be up in arms over the vote to give the next mayor a $38,000 raise. Or has Jim Wetherington already sent them "e-invites?"

BLOG UPDATE: Thursday's Ledger-Enquirer had updated numbers on the Columbus mayor's race. It turns out Bert Coker really had 75 write-in votes, instead of 48. So when his fan club has its first meeting, he might need one extra row of chairs.

The newspaper story about write-in votes, which for some reason made page one, noted Bert Coker had more support than "Tony the Tiger." Why is it always Tony in Columbus?! Doesn't anyone think Aubie can commute to and from work?

Meanwhile, former Georgia Congressman Mac Collins refuses to concede a close House race to incumbent Jim Marshall. Collins apparently thinks absentee votes will come to his rescue - either that, or the Republican Party attorneys who were ready for action in Virginia.

Now for other items from a Thursday when sports items seemed to dominate:

+ We mentioned the Columbus Cottonmouths losing at Pee Dee 6-4 - in what radio announcer Mike Vee called a "bizarre" game. Vee complained the referees "cannot call penalties every two or three minutes. That's not what people pay to see." Vee must not know how the mayor's race turned out.

+ Auburn University officials warned people who try to smuggle alcohol into Saturday's game against Georgia will be put in special Jordan-Hare Stadium "holding cells." So where are football players put if they're flagged for holding -- a drunk tank?

+ Georgia's athletics department announced it will host Oklahoma State to open the football season next year. That means Columbus's Dantrell Savage and Quencey Patrick will get to play in their home state - but why did it take the help of ESPN to "broker" this deal? After the fuss over Colorado's buffalo, is Mark Richt afraid the Cowboys' "Pistol Pete" might fire real bullets?

+ The Auburn University trustees began two days of meetings. A campus official told WRBL the top construction priority right now is a new basketball arena. Considering the Tigers lost to Auburn-Montgomery this week, you'd think they'd work on getting a top team first.

+ Away from sports, the Russell County School Board voted to finalize the hiring of Vivian Carter as Superintendent. After the events of the last 12 months, let's hope Carter doesn't suggest any "jail and bail" fundraisers.

(The school board votes on Vivian Carter have been along racial lines, and one parent at Thursday night's meeting called that "heartbreaking." That parent happened to be pro wrestling announcer Billy Roper - so he's used to heartbreak, from bad guys hiding brass knuckles in their trunks.)

+ The Landings shopping center on Sidney Simons Boulevard held a ceremony to mark the end of "phase one" of its renovations. Some business owners there say store traffic is up. But of course, the managers of Que Pasa Burrito Company were not available for comment - because they're shut down.

+ Instant Message to Publix at Cross Country Plaza: You're really optimistic about this holiday season, aren't you? I mean, you've set out so many bars of fruitcake....

COMING THIS WEEKEND: Sonny Perdue has one.... and we want to help the Mayor-Elect have one, too....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4849 (+ 145, 3.1%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 12:17 AM

Thursday, November 09, 2006

9 NOV 06: BIG CHIEF'S NOTES

Wednesday night marked the "fall finale" episode of "Lost." I didn't watch this show, so maybe you can help me - were Bob Poydasheff and Mark Taylor added to the cast?

Jim Wetherington sat down for victory interviews Wednesday, after winning the Columbus mayor's race. It looked to me like Mayor Poydasheff was gaining late momentum. But apparently voters saw through that news conference with the Little Leaguers -- and even in November, they refused to play "Bob for apples."

Mayor-Elect Wetherington tried to sound kinder and gentler Wednesday, telling the evening news Mayor Poydasheff has "done a good job." How the current mayor did that with a massive shortage of common sense, I'm not quite sure....

The incoming mayor also had suggested the incumbent was a "professional politician." Election night Tuesday should have disproved that. No professional politician nowadays calls his opponent to concede a race on live television.

Jim Wetherington spent most of Election Day at his campaign headquarters on Wynnton Road. So it's no wonder he voted in advance - he may have feared Bob Poydasheff supporters would attempt a takeover.

I was quite surprised Wednesday to find NO e-mail about Jim Wetherington's win from "IsOurCitySafe," the police backer (and some suspect an officer) who sent messages all over Columbus for two years about public safety. Maybe he's now sending his ideas to Jim Wetherington directly - or maybe he's angling to become the next mayor's news secretary.

Mayor-Elect Wetherington assured WRBL Wednesday he will NOT try to run the Columbus Police Department. But he also said he met with Police Chief R. Boren during the day. Perhaps the first act of the new mayor will be to announce one and for all - is it Rick Boren or Ricky?

Asked about the City Manager, the mayor-elect said he hopes Isaiah Hugley will stay - but added he doesn't know if that will happen. As long as Hugley's wife stays in safe Georgia House districts, I somehow think he will....

Jim Wetherington says he expected to do well in South Columbus - and while a breakdown of precincts shows he didn't finish first there, he took a lot of votes Bob Poydasheff gained in 2002. With the incoming mayor talking about the city's high crime rate, it's tempting to say he took the votes at gunpoint.

Bob Poydasheff says he's willing to serve as a "senior adviser" to the incoming mayor. But Jim Wetherington is already surrounded by "senior" advisers. Perhaps a grandchild will break the news to him that a Blackberry is more than a fruit.

Bob Poydasheff won the post-election quote of the day prize when he declared: "Eventually we're all gonna break these stupid lines, and realize we're one city." If it had happened this year, the North Columbus precincts would have voted him back into office....

Not all the candidates for Columbus Mayor slept in, on the morning after Election Day. As I drove home from an overnight shift, there was Bert Coker on WRCG's "TalkLine" -- rallying his 48 supporters, and starting the groundswell to be elected Muscogee County Sheriff in 2008. After all, he already has that cowboy hat....

For all the free publicity he gained at political forums and in the media, the Muscogee County Election Board counted 48 write-in votes for Bert Coker. Apparently the voters agreed with me about him being the "comedy relief" candidate. Coker rhymes with Joker, you know.

(It turns out this blog had several times more visitors on Tuesday than Bert Coker did votes. But please, before rumors start -- I will NOT run in Mayor in 2010.)

Appearing on his unofficial virtual campaign headquarters, Bert Coker told TalkLine at least he was willing to stick his neck out and run for office - even if that meant failing disastrously. So when Coker talked with me when I appeared in August to promote Power Frisbee, we had more in common than we realized.

We can extract other big losers from the Columbus mayoral race, besides Bert Coker. Talk radio gave Coker his platform on TalkLine, and offered Bob Poydasheff plenty of free time on WDAK's "Viewpoint" two weeks before the election. They turned out to be as powerful as - well, as powerful as WRCG's signal.

Two well-read Columbus newspapers endorsed Bob Poydasheff in the mayor's race, yet Jim Wetherington won. Once again, the Ledger-Enqurer's editorial board appears out of touch with the community. And you wonder who's giving the "Street Committee" at The Courier its advice.

Another hidden loser in the Columbus mayor's race is the "machine" of big business. Plenty of local executives backed Bob Poydasheff for a second term -- but this time, businesses such as the Foxy Lady Lounge somehow had more clout.

Yet not all of Columbus's big businesses were down in the dumps Wednesday. TSYS stock closed at a 52-week high of nearly 25 dollars a share. So when will the rumors start about this company moving to Atlanta?!

The Fraternal Order of Police can claim partial victory from Jim Wetherington's win. But its choice of Charles Weaver for Columbus Council didn't turn out well. Nathan Suber will face Jerry Barnes in a District 1 runoff - and after people read about Suber's vote against restoring a City Auditor, he has a lot of door-to-door explaining to do.

Another December runoff will find Mike Baker facing Tony Gaskins in District 5. Baker received just under 45 percent of the vote, which could have given him victory - and since he's an accountant, he probably knew he'd fallen short before anybody else did.

Cathy Vaughn Williams won a Muscogee County School Board, after what she admitted felt like "a four-year campaign." At least Williams was nice enough to pick up her yard signs Wednesday for TV cameras, instead of announcing she's seeking a second term.

Cathy Vaughn Williams lost to school board President Mary Sue Polleys in 2002 - but Williams says she's gained a lot of respect for Polleys over the last four years. For one thing, Williams must be stunned that Polleys didn't run any attack ads against NeighborWorks.

As for state races: did you see Sonny Perdue's post-election speech Wednesday night? Of all the places to find Georgia's Governor, he was on WYBU TV-16 - on Jerry Falwell's "Old Time Gospel Hour." This should shut up the critics, who doubt he's truly converted. To the Republican party, I mean....

Governor Sonny Perdue appeared in a taped sermon from Jerry Falwell's Virginia church, describing how God turned him away from living an "independent" life as a veterinarian in North Carolina. So he was independent even BEFORE he was a Democrat?!?!

Sonny Perdue's sermon-length testimony was basically an autobiography. The Governor said God kept blessing him in a farm-related business, even though middle Georgia had a drought for 10 out of 13 years. Hmmmm -- maybe he bought all that land because he knows there's oil underneath it.

Sonny Perdue used the Lynchburg, Virginia sermon to reflect on his first campaign for Governor. He says he had no interest in running in 2001-02, but felt God had told him to campaign and he had to be obedient. Who could have guessed Someone up there created not only the heavens and the earth, but the "Sonny-Do list."

By the way, did you notice Georgia and Alabama reelected Republican Governors - while the Democrats were making big gains from coast to coast? Does this mean our area still is really behind the times and backward?

SPAM-A-RAMA: What do you know -- an e-mail we found in our InBox Wednesday had the title, "LEFT-WING EVERYWHERE." We never knew President Bush and Karl Rove had our online address.

BIG PREDICTIONS: Based on this week's vote, it seems safe to predict the following:

+ Outgoing Georgia Secretary of State Cathy Cox will run for the U.S. Senate in 2008, and be the candidate to beat among Democrats. She might call Mark Taylor for help and support sometime late in 2007.

+ Georgia Insurance Commissioner John Oxendine will run for Governor in 2010. His campaign fund will pay whatever it takes to keep Senator Saxby Chambliss from returning home and running himself.

+ Gasoline prices won't plunge again for a long time. The oil companies now know that plot doesn't work at the polls.

Now while we rest the rhetoric until the runoff, let's check other news items from the last couple of days:

+ WRBL reported a judge has ordered Chattahoochee County to stop the creation of a police department. The criminals who are scared by the Columbus mayoral results now know where they can move.

+ WXTX "News at Ten" visited The Core club on Midtown Drive, which features music by Christian rock bands. One popular band is a group of ninth-graders called "One Last Summer" - which apparently refers to what they're doing, before they go out to find real vacation jobs.

+ Columbus High School catcher Adrian Thomas signed a letter of intent to play college baseball at Pennsylvania. Is he going to the Ivy League to play ball - or to train in making the really big money, as a business major and sports agent?

+ Hockey's Atlanta Thrashers came from behind to edge Ottawa 5-4 - and one of the Thrasher radio announcers said as a result, Ottawa fans "will be flipping over cars and starting fires." Are people THAT rowdy in the capital of Canada? Or do they simply torch cars between November and April to keep warm.

+ Instant Message to TitleMax: After seeing your commercial where the young woman raps, "Get your MUHH-ney" - I'm missing those political attack ads already.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4704 (+ 138, 3.0%; 2am revision)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 1:10 AM

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

8 NOV 06: RUMORS BOILED OVER

Sorry, but I'm not ready to talk about the election here quite yet. I've been kept busy since practically the minute the polls closed Tuesday night -- filling in on an overnight shift for a man who was called to jury duty. Leave it to the local judges to silence bloggers....

(Besides, I want to write about the election when my brain is fully functioning. That way I'm on slightly higher ground than some of the candidates.)

But I've also been busy for a few days trying to get to the bottom of a different sort of negative attack - one directed against a longtime employee of the Muscogee County Schools. Hopefully you realize "attack ads" never really go away. They're simply spread by word of mouth, for free.

Muscogee County School District Human Resources Don Cooper was not pleased when I talked with him Tuesday morning. I had to ask him about RUMORS going around the district that the top nutrition official was fired last week - rumors he declared FALSE. If Jim Wetherington wasn't going to fire the City Manager, who knows whom he might target....

But seriously: someone in at least one school cafeteria spread stories that School Nutrition Director Pat Schneider was fired. Over several days, the rumor morphed from her "not keeping her hand out of the cookie jar" to buying cafeteria items without going through the bidding process -- which only proves evolution is alive and well in Muscogee County Schools.

Don Cooper isn't sure how those rumors got started, but he told me in no uncertain terms Tuesday Pat Schneider was NOT fired. She retired from the School Nutrition Director job last week, Cooper said. So Schneider got out of the kitchen before all of this heat.

Don Cooper admitted he couldn't give me any negative details about personnel matters, if there were any. But he took pains to tell me "without question" there was nothing improper involved in Pat Schneider's retirement. The critics apparently just want to stick so many rolling pins in her nicely risen souffle.

Don Cooper says it saddens him to learn people are spreading false reports about Pat Schneider's departure. He wants it known that there's no good reason for school employees to trash a retiring director in this way. And they probably shouldn't think about processing the rumors into a stew or casserole, either.

Items like this one show the perils of being a blogger about local news. Sometimes you receive tips which are helpful, and which turn into interesting or groundbreaking stories. But sometimes you also receive tips which are off-base - like dollar-bill tips left in a puddle of spilled beer on a bar.

But since the rumors about Pat Schneider started last weekend, your blog has received two more rumors about other school personnel. We have NOT had time to check on those yet. But somehow, I suspect I will NOT be put on Don Cooper's party invitation list....

(We should note the other reports have NOTHING to do with school cafeterias. The rumor mill there is empty, even if the pepper mills are not.)

Now what other things can we talk about which are truthful, and not bogus?

+ The Phenix City Council voted to give the mayor's office a 300-percent-plus raise, from $12,000 to $50,000 a year. Yeow - which committee at the University of Georgia sent over THIS pay plan?

(The Phenix City Council also passed a resolution endorsing a "mayor-council" form of government, which would essentially fire the City Manager. The council tried something similar to this a few years ago, while City Manager Bubba Roberts was on National Guard duty. I have this feeling Roberts is looking up Max Wilkes's attorney.)

+ A substation breaker problem knocked out electricity to much of Ladonia in the middle of the night. Alabama Power reports service was out for about 40 minutes - which I think still keeps that area ahead of time, compared with south Phenix City.

+ Students at Fort Benning's McBride Elementary School spent a day learning about Morrie McBride, whom the school is named after. So does the school library have the book "Tuesdays with Morrie" - and will a disclaimer sticker be put on the cover?

COMING THURSDAY: An election review - we promise....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4566 (+ 135, 3.0%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 8:17 AM

Monday, November 06, 2006

for 7 NOV 06: SQUIRRELS AND NUTS

It's been perfect weather for going outside in nature, to do some hunting. While I've never personally done it, several friends of mine do. One tries to get enough deer meat to last the entire year. Perhaps with the right preparation and spices, you can make it taste just like fried chicken.

Two men in my neighborhood went outside to hunt the other day - only they didn't leave the neighborhood. They shoot for sport around my apartment complex. Yes, my downtown-area apartment complex. That's a creative way to avoid burning high-priced gasoline, you know.

I actually saw one of the men running around the courtyard a couple of days earlier. He walked almost to my window with his BB-gun - which admittedly gave him a bit more exercise than his usual firing from the front porch at a birdhouse.

But on this late afternoon, both hunters were out and walking when I came upon them. I'd stepped outside for a late-afternoon jog, and found the men staring at a fully-leaved tree and pointing their BB guns up from the trunk. This was an Elmer Fudd cartoon simply waiting to happen.

Realizing the situation, I put up my hands as I walked past the men. After all, my T-shirt wasn't reflective orange....

"Squirrel hunting," one of the urban hunters explained. He assured me I had nothing to worry about, so I went on my way -- even turning my back on the men to start the run. Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have done that. If these guys are brilliant enough to hunt squirrels hiding in trees, maybe they aren't brilliant enough to aim straight.

I didn't think anything more of the moment while I ran -- but as I walked home, I checked on the two men again. One of them held a dead squirrel by the tail. "We got him," he told me. I have no idea what the hunter planned to do with him. I've never seen that man wear a squirrel-skin coat or cap.

I shared the story of these urban hunters the other day on WLTZ's "Rise-N-Shine," and host Nan Floyd stopped laughing long enough to ask a very pertinent question. "Is that legal????"

"I hope so," I answered. "I don't want to have to call police on them." Why, their very presence might keep burglars away....

That question lingered in my mind -- can you hunt inside the Columbus city limits? On Monday I called a place which I presumed would know the answer. The man who answered the phone at Shooters on Milgen Road had to get a "consensus of opinion." So he actually asked questions first, BEFORE shooting.

The man at Shooters eventually advised me there are designated areas in the Columbus city limits where hunting is permitted. The man didn't know exactly where they are, but he said there apparently has to be sufficient space for shooting. Be thankful my neighbors don't live near Lakebottom Park.

The man at Shooters admitted BB guns are "another animal." But he didn't think it was wise to go around residential neighborhoods shooting BB guns at animals. I agree with that - especially since these are grownups, not six-year-olds.

So it appears I can't call the police on my neighbors, if they're firing BB guns up trees. But before you consider these squirrel-hunters a bit squirrely themselves, think about this. They're smart enough to stay in their own complex - and don't walk a few blocks down the street to the Booker T. Washington Apartments.

Next in this politics-free Election Day post, we look at news which may have been drowned out by the campaigning:

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported Columbus Police made 20 more weekend arrests, in its crackdown on Broadway crime. Many more people must have been chased away by the Fire Marshal - or did the "guaranteed over 5,000" people really show up at that Bradley Theatre football after-party?! Was the handout I picked up made by people drunk on "Crunk juice?"

+ The Columbus Health Department began offering flu shots, one month after supermarkets and department stores did. Now I'm wondering about those commercials telling me to "ask your doctor about Prevacid." I should make a tape of the ad, and break the news to the Health Department doctors.

+ The Georgia Supreme Court unanimously ruled the state legislature can redraw House and Senate district lines any time it likes. This decision is clearly a big victory for moving companies....

+ Saturday's Georgia-Auburn football game was moved to a midday kickoff, for the first time that I can remember. Both CBS and ESPN decided not to show the game - giving Georgia fans one more reason to e-mail President Michael Adams, and demand the return of coach Jim Donnan.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $1.98 a gallon at Petro on Cusseta Road.... Grandma's Cookies three for 99 cents at Spectrum.... and FREE campaign signs along the road for political collectors, after 8:00 p.m. ET....

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Believe it or not, we may not be able to post an election wrap-up until Wednesday night! We'll explain, next time we can....)

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4431 (+ 169, 4.0%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 9:20 PM

6 NOV 06: FINALS TIME

Give the Ledger-Enquirer some credit. You had to turn to the editorial page of Sunday's paper to find out for sure which man it's endorsing for mayor. Some newspapers would have put the choice on page one - as if to scream, "Look! We're important!! Really!!!" Like The Courier did....

The Sunday Ledger-Enquirer endorsed Bob Poydasheff for a second term as Columbus Mayor - and included a quote in which the incumbent calls himself "liberal" several times. Talk about sticking it to those WRCG "TalkLine" listeners, right in their windpipes.

According to the editorial, the Ledger-Enquirer decided to back Bob Poydasheff because he could provide better leadership in areas besides public safety. So as stunning as it might be to some people, there could be MORE to Columbus than police - because I can't imagine a uniformed officer overseeing a landfill.

The Ledger-Enquirer winds up agreeing with The Courier, which also endorsed Bob Poydasheff in its latest issue. Who could have imagined this? The "alternative" paper agrees with the mainline one - and they're both endorsing a man who's ostensibly a Republican. It's like they look at Jim Wetherington, and see a local version of Donald Rumsfeld.

Sunday night brought the final debate among the candidates for Georgia Governor. It didn't take long for Mark Taylor and Sonny Perdue to start haggling over a land deal at "Okie Woods" - which sounds like it ought to be a Native American ancestor of Tiger Woods.

Much of the hour-long debate on Georgia Public Broadcasting focused on 100 acres of land Governor Perdue may have secretly bought in Houston County. At least we'll give the candidates credit for one thing -- they're not focusing all their attention on Atlanta.

Democrat Mark Taylor claimed Republican Sonny Perdue's net worth has doubled in the last four years. So? At least the Governor made a public attempt to lose weight....

Mark Taylor sounded a bit like Jim Wetherington, when he accused Sonny Perdue of going easy with criminal paroles. In Taylor's words: "Families cannot thrive in Georgia if they are frightened...." So where is the bill to outlaw haunted houses?

Sonny Perdue claimed Georgians have seen through Mark Taylor's complaints about land deals, saying: "We operate on trust." OK - but so do scam artists who ask older people for checking account numbers.

The incumbent governor disputed claims that he's "four-for-four" in cutting Georgia education spending. He says more money than ever is spent on Georgia schools. Now if Muscogee County students will kindly quit losing their textbooks, that amount can go down.

It was left to the Libertarian candidate for Georgia Governor to bring up the Kia plant in West Point during the debate. Garrett Michael Hayes said the state should focus on promoting small businesses, as opposed to large industries. If you think it over, there's a reason why Hayes said this. The Libertarian Party is very small.

Tuesday, of course (or should we say thankfully?), is Election Day - and Georgia's Secretary of State expects about 48 percent of registered voters to cast ballots. In the wake of the primary, Cathy Cox issued this statement from an undisclosed location in South Carolina.

A surprising condemnation of the election process came Sunday, from Georgia's former U.S. President. Jimmy Carter called the procedure "flawed" and "severely inadequate." He said this from Nicaragua - where some Republicans probably wish he'd build a Habitat for Humanity home and retire there.

Former President Carter told National Pubic Radio's "All Things Considered" the Carter Center could NOT monitor U.S. elections, because they don't meet the center's minimum standards. For one thing, the rules are not uniform from coast-to-coast. No wonder Mr. Carter likes Atlanta baseball -- in the Nationalism League.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Here's our last election e-mail before the vote - in a year which has been surprisingly quiet in terms of messages to us:

I saw the last city council meeting tonight...What a joke...They don't want to admit that Paul Olsen might have the upper hand...So what if he is using it as a political move,he represents all of us...and once again "Uncle Bob" was rude to him. And DuBose with the phone hanging out of his ear ..lol....I Can't believe he wanted each council member, by roll call. to promise a settlement to Kenny Walker's family..That phone discredited him...

If Paul Olson really had "the upper hand" in anything with Columbus Council, then he should have gone ahead and run for mayor. It beats a trip to Atlanta every couple of years, to see an ethics commission which can't believe he's being so nit-picky.

As is our custom, we've prepared an Election Eve quiz to see how well you've followed the campaign and prepared for the big vote. Number your new "Notepad" window from 1 to 20. Ready?

1. Which candidate for Columbus Mayor admits people have suggested he smile more, and "loosen up a bit?" Have those people suggested he read this blog?

2. Which Alabama House candidate runs the "Auburn Network," yet has been accused of voting to cut Auburn University funding? Is he trying to get football game radio sponsors to make up the difference?

3. Why hasn't Mark Taylor brought out any members of his family to appear in campaign commercials, similar to Sonny Perdue's wife? Was that role reserved for Cathy Cox?

4. Name the Muscogee County School Board candidate whose background is in home building. Should she ask contractors to make new schools look like historic one-room schoolhouses?

5. Which candidate for Alabama Governor is seen in TV ads walking into a meeting room and sitting down? Why doesn't she find chairs for the four people we see standing outside?

6. Name the Georgian who says in radio ads he's "the only African-American and the only Democrat on the Public Service Commission," then adds: "Who do you think fights harder for working people?" Explain why white people do not care about working.

7. Which candidate for Columbus Council is a church pastor? Will he be expected to lead the invocation at every meeting, if he wins?

8. Which candidate for Alabama House is accused of selling "high-priced gas at his truck stop?" Should he have shut down the truck stop and gone broke, in a vain attempt to get the price lowered?

9. Does retired Taylor County Sheriff Nick Giles still have a squad car? Did Attorney General Thurbert Baker give him one, in exchange for that TV endorsement standing next to it?

10. Why was the former President from Georgia in Nicaragua Sunday, monitoring that country's presidential election? Has he forgotten his son is running for the U.S. Senate in Nevada?

11. Which candidate for Columbus Mayor is very concerned that you spell his name correctly - even though his last name has fewer letters than anyone else in the race?

12. Which Alabama Senate candidate is supported in a radio ad by her church pastor, who notes she's a Sunday School teacher? Is her class learning it's OK to point fingers at your enemies, and label them "politicians?"

13. Name the state candidate who claims in commercials there's "a job for every Georgian, and a Georgian for every job." Explain why the state's unemployment rate is not zero.

14. Name all the candidates challenging incumbent U.S. House members in the Columbus area. Will any of them get more than one-third of the vote, since hardly anyone's ever heard of them?

15. If Mark Taylor is "the big guy," does that make Ted Little the little guy?

16. Which Supreme Court candidate was sued by his mother, and filed suit against his sister? If this candidate wins, will a reality series be made about his family?

17. Which candidate for Columbus Mayor has been labeled a "professional politician?" If he is, why has he not said a word in any of his TV commercials?

18. Name the Alabama House candidate whose husband once coached Auburn University basketball. Explain why her web site doesn't mention it -- and why her opponent hasn't made an issue of her being married to a fired state employee.

19. Name the Georgia Congressional candidates who received visits from President Bush. Explain why the others have not even received help from Colin Powell.

20. Why hasn't any candidate been as honest as fired Colorado Pastor Ted Haggard - who admitted in a letter read Sunday he's "a deceiver and a liar?"

Had enough of politics yet? I have, so I'm moving on to other Sunday topics:

+ Fort Benning hosted the "all-Army combative tournament." Soldiers competed in boxing, wrestling, jiu jitsu - and all of them wished the insurgents in Iraq would fight the same way.

+ The Northern Little League All-Stars unveiled their World Series championship banner at Psalmond Road Park. The attendance at this event was between 100 and 200 - which means it finally may be safe for Columbus businesses to change their signs of congratulations.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths lost to Huntsville 6-2 on "Firefighters Appreciation Day" at the Civic Center. One member of the audience was selected at random, to cool down Coach Jerome Bechard's temper.

+ The Atlanta Falcons lost 30-14 in Detroit. I still wonder how seriously Detroit is taking this season -- because there's a receiver on the Lions named Mark Furrey. [True!]

+ Instant Message to the Hughston Foundation: Do you really mean what's on your Veterans Parkway sign - you're having a "BIZARRE" next Saturday? Are you selling leftover Halloween novelties, or what?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4262 (- 314, 6.9%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 12:43 AM

Sunday, November 05, 2006

5 NOV 06: OLD SCHOOL JAM

"RING RINNNGG!" rang the bell behind me, as I jogged on the Riverwalk Saturday night. I raised my hands and drifted to the right-hand side. I don't run nearly fast enough to be ticketed by the bicycle police officers for speeding.

"You're all right," said the man passing me on the left - the first bicycle in a five-bike convoy. My response was actually one of relief:

"At least you're a bicycle, and not a car!"

Cars on the Riverwalk? In some sections, it was certainly possible Saturday. The reason was the annual Fountain City Classic football game - which has become the one day of the year when parts of the Riverwalk turn into Riverside Drive.

The lead cyclist understood what I meant - because we were passing through Rotary Park around 6:25 p.m., where the cars were in abundance. They filled not only the boat dock parking lot, but the grassy area on the other side of the boat ramp. A visitor who didn't know better might think it was one of those Victory Drive used car lots.

One daring driver actually parked his car on grass next to the Riverwalk's wooden bridge, which connects South Commons with Rotary Park. That means he/she must have driven down the Riverwalk about a quarter-mile - so let's all be thankful no charity had a fund-raising walk this weekend.

(And the car which created that parking space had a Muscogee County license plate. So you'd think this driver would know better -- unless this driver is from the 80 percent of Columbus which probably doesn't realize the Riverwalk extends beyond downtown.)

Cars were all over downtown before the Fountain City Classic as well. At about 1:15 p.m., the line of southbound traffic on Veterans Parkway extended from South Commons to beyond 11^th Street. That's a backup of more than a mile - something which might even impress rush-hour drivers in Atlanta.

I passed that long line of cars, because I was heading north to church. The Fountain City Classic never came up at our weekly service. Why, the Pastor didn't even bring up the mess involving the National Association of Evangelicals....

Since I didn't listen to the Fountain City Classic on radio, I didn't know who won. As I walked toward home after my Riverwalk run, I came upon two men who might know. They stood outside a car parked near Golden Park, holding cups in their hands. "So who won the game?"

"That's a good question," one answered -- making me wonder how many times those cups had been filled.

"You didn't go to the game?"

"No, we didn't."

"You're just standing here looking like the after-party, but you didn't go to the game." The men started laughing along with me. "You're like the guy in that Bud commercial. You're here for the beer, not the game?!"

In reality, the after-party seemed to be going on in the parking lot next to McClung Memorial Stadium. As I jogged on the Riverwalk below, first I smelled cooking meat - then I heard loud soul music. But the fans apparently were good athletes, because no footballs rolled down the hill to where I was running.

So I walked all the way home, where a group of people had an after-dark cookout at my apartment complex. "So who won the game?" I asked one of the men there.

"I don't know," he answered. He wasn't in the neighborhood for the Fountain City Classic, either. Maybe people just show up to hunt for free burgers.

I had to watch the evening news to find out Albany State won the Fountain City Classic, foiling Fort Valley State 21-3. We mention this for other people who wandered around South Commons Saturday, and never heard the news.

The Fountain City Classic obviously draws a big crowd, but it's become clear to me that the event can be a traffic mess as well. Maybe Columbus Police should learn from the Callaway Gardens Steeplechase, and charge its own "car fee" -- like 50 dollars or more for towing, when people park illegally.

We may have mentioned this before, but doesn't this weekend clearly show we don't quite have "One Columbus" yet? The wealthy and northside people went to the Steeplechase. The middle-class and southside people went to the Fountain City Classic. And my neighbors simply were happy to have a sunny spot on a chilly day - as they sat on the porch doing nothing as usual.

E-MAIL UPDATE: We plan to be politics-free on Election Day as usual, so consider this your last call for campaign messages. This one reached us Saturday:

I sure will be glad when the elections are over...I tired of all the negative ads..If a candidate put an ad on now about positive things they have done they would win hands down...except for Uncle Bob passing out food to the Little League team has there been any thing positive?...I wonder if the fruit was as full of worm holes as the platforms of some candidates

Now hold on here! That last line sounds like a negative attack to me. Are we expected to believe what you SAY, or what you DO? Why.... oh wait. That line came from a Lucy Baxley attack ad, about Bob Riley.

A few candidates have put commercials on the air about the "positive" things they've done. Take the ads for Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue. If it wasn't for him, we all would have been walking and driving backwards the last four years.

Then there's Columbus Mayor Bob Poydasheff. One of his ads talks about 7,000 jobs which have come to town in the last four years. Of course, some of them may have changed planes in Columbus before they were outsourced to China....

But new questions arose about the mayor's race in the last 48 hours. Jim Wetherington wondered about a mysterious $10,000 loan to the Bob Poydasheff campaign - a loan Poydasheff says HE made from his own money. Only $90,000 more, and he could make the first payment on that landfill money.

Jim Wetherington showed up at the main Columbus library Friday, and took advantage of advance voting. Either he'll be busy campaigning all day Tuesday - or he'll be sleeping all day, before partying at his headquarters all night.

Perhaps Jim Wetherington voted early because of something the Ledger-Enquirer noted the other day - he and Bob Poydasheff happen to have the same voting precinct. Imagine if they had shown up at the same time Tuesday to vote?! The quarreling between the entourages might have really revealed which side police officers are on.

The mayoral candidates have announced last-minute famous-name endorsements. Reps. Calvin Smyre and Carolyn Hugley back Bob Poydasheff. Tax Commissioner Lula Huff backs Jim Wetherington. And Bert Coker apparently still is trying to line up street signs of support from more than one muffler shop.

I can understand the e-mailer's frustration with negative campaign ads. The latest one from Georgia gubernatorial candidate Mark Taylor revises Sonny Perdue's mock "Sonny-Do list" to include the line, "Hide behind Zell." Oh really? On some African-American radio stations, Taylor's still hiding behind Andrew Young.

But I've been thinking the last few days - what if everybody did what the candidates do? What if ALL businesses engaged in negative "attack ads?" Suddenly most of the regular commercials on TV and radio seem downright reputable, don't they?

Just for fun, we've followed through with the "what if." We created a set of attack ads, about things OTHER than politics. Keep in mind these are NOT real ads -- they're parodies. But if some businesses actually want to put them on the air, we have very reasonable rates to acquire the copyright.

OVERHEARD OVER HERE: We had a special announcement to offer at church this weekend, so we described it to the Presiding Elder before the Pastor arrived.

"We'll have to run it by the Big Guy when he shows up...."

"Mark Taylor's coming to this service?!?"

(The people from Georgia who heard this understood the joke. The Presiding Elder lives in Chambers County, and didn't have a clue.)

Now for other interesting items from a chilly fall weekend:

+ A woman named Kim Denmark came to Columbus, on a nationwide walking tour promoting the needs of low-income and homeless people. She plans to walk across the 13^th Street Bridge next Saturday - so what's she doing in the meantime? Looking for short-term work at the Career Center?

+ The Phenix City Moose Lodge had a Saturday night steak dinner, followed by an appearance by "Plain Ugly." I'm not sure about this - but I'm guessing he's Ugly Betty's long-lost brother.

+ Albany State University President Everette Freeman went to Carver High School, and encouraged students to go to college - even if it's NOT at his college. My older brother gave me similar advice when I was a boy. He said I could go to college anywhere I pleased - but if I went to Kansas State, he simply would never speak to me again.

+ Kentucky surprised Georgia 24-20 in college football - and the Lexington fans went so wild that they tore down the goalposts. This is how you can tell Kentucky's not a football school. They don't even realize Georgia isn't ranked in the top 25 right now.

+ Instant Message to Crawford Road Baptist Church in Phenix City: I noticed your Sunday sermon title is, "What is the Great Commission?" Is it safe to assume the answer is NOT the Russell County Commission?

COMING MONDAY: Our traditional Election Eve.... well, if we told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4576 (+ 188, 4.3%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 1:40 AM

Friday, November 03, 2006

for 4 NOV 06: RIGHT BACK AT 'YA

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts from time to time, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath.)

For some of us, the countdown is on - less than four days to go until the election polls close. And less than four days to go until the political ads go away, so I can focus on that good-looking woman selling Mercury cars again....

Have you ever wondered where all these "attack ads" started? I can trace them back to a lovely garden spot a long time ago -- but no, it's not Callaway Gardens. In fact, this garden didn't charge a "20-dollar car fee" like Callaway does for the Steeplechase.

This garden was called Eden - and one day a serpent showed up and started doing some trash-talking to one of the residents. The serpent suggested the "Man in charge" wasn't telling the truth with some of His instructions. The residents believed that claim - and have been paying "sin taxes" ever since.

That serpent turned out to be a devil -- and he's been causing problems across this planet ever since. You can find one good example of that right here in our area. After all these centuries, we're still unsure whether this devil is Columbus High Blue or Phenix City Central Red.

But the "Man in charge" hasn't taken all this lying down. He's used a variety of people to answer the devil back over the years. They're in buildings on street corners, they're on radio, they're on TV -- and a few daring ones even walk into public schools.

Perhaps you've tired of those religious messages because they're monotonous or they're lengthy. If so, that's OK - because on this weekend before the election, we've created an "attack ad" just for you. It's short. It's to the point. And if you believe the Bible, it's factual. I'm not sure we can say that about all those other ads.

COMING SUNDAY: Our commercials are just getting started....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4388 (- 877, 16.7%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 10:27 PM

3 NOV 06: WHO DO'YA LIKE?

It HAD to happen sooner or later, and Thursday it did. Only five days before the election, a candidate for Columbus Mayor appeared with the Northern Little League All-Stars - and gave the world champions handouts! Oh, the power of incumbency....

Bob Poydasheff called a Government Center news conference with the Northern All-Stars - to announce he's giving the team the food he won in a Little League World Series bet with New York's Mayor. Apparently the mayoral campaign committees were too low on money to send the team to St. Louis, for that other World Series.

Bob Poydasheff said he could have kept the apples and chocolates from New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg. But he decided the Little Leaguers earned them, so they should have them. Now baseball stat sheets will need a new column: E.F.A. - the earned fruit average.

Bob Poydasheff also disclosed he went ahead and sent his part of the World Series wager to New York. Isn't it this sort of charity which led to a million missing dollars in landfill fees?

The other candidates for mayor now have to scramble to arrange their own pre-election media events with the Northern All-Stars. Jim Wetherington could take the field with them for a practice session - but of course, he'd have to slow-pitch underhand.

Are you waiting to see which mayoral candidate the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer will endorse? I know of at least one Phenix City blog taking notes on the newspaper's choices - then encouraging readers to vote for the other candidates.

I'm not really sure how much impact a newspaper endorsement really has. Four years ago the Ledger-Enquirer backed Cathy Vaughn (then without the Williams) for Muscogee County School Board - yet after the election, Mary Sue Polleys still was nice enough to let reporters stay inside board meetings.

I was reminded Thursday of a more unusual set of endorsements. This year Esquire magazine is recommending candidates for every open seat in Congress and state governors. Yet for some woman, it did NOT hold a public vote before naming Scarlet Johannsen the "sexist woman alive."

I'm not sure what led Esquire magazine to make more than 450 political endorsements. Maybe the editors are trying to inspire readers to get involved in the election process. Or maybe they're trying out candidates for the magazine's annual "Dubious Achievement Awards."

Esquire magazine is endorsing Mark Taylor for Georgia Governor, criticizing Sonny Perdue for signing the controversial "photo ID" law for voting. Apparently the Taylor campaign couldn't figure out a clever way to make an attack ad about that....

In the Alabama Governor's race, Esquire magazine is full of praise for incumbent Bob Riley. Among other things, it notes Riley has NOT been indicted for misusing state funds. Well, maybe he didn't have to take any - because he's still living off the interest of the taxes he never paid.

Esquire is a bit unpredictable when it comes to endorsements in U.S. House races. The magazine backs incumbents Sanford Bishop and Terry Everett. But after a few nice words about Alabama Rep. Mike Rogers, Esquire turns around and endorses opponent Greg Pierce. Apparently spending "free time talking about family values" is wrong - especially when Scarlett Johannsen is on the cover.

In a Georgia Congressional race, Esquire brings up something I hadn't heard before. Rep. Lynn Westmoreland apparently went on cable TV's "Colbert Report" to promote a Ten Commandments bill - but when questioned, he could only name three of the commandments. So? That only proves Westmoreland's point - we need the commandments posted inside Congress, so lawmakers can remember them.

Esquire declares Lynn Westmoreland a "hypocrite" for that appearance on cable TV, and endorses opponent Mike McGraw for Congress. Apparently it paints the Republican red -- as in embarrassment....

After considering all the famous names in all the races and watching countless commercials in recent weeks, your blog is prepared to do something it has never done before. Yes, I am making an endorsement for the very first time! My choice in the 2006 election is (insert drum roll here).... attorney Ken Nugent.

Yes, I'm backing Ken Nugent - because he pulls no punches. He says he'll get me a check. And he's helped ordinary people just like me get checks - for tens of thousands of dollars. I'll go buy my own mix of apples and chocolates, thank you....

And Ken Nugent won't keep me waiting for results, either. When he says "one call - that's all," he undoubtedly means it. Those slow and boring public hearings on proposals and zoning adjustments won't be needed anymore.

(What's that -- you were expecting me to endorse someone for the "sexiest woman alive" in Columbus? I'm really not sure I should go there. For one thing, I understand Deborah Singer is already taken....)

E-MAIL UPDATE: Speaking of endorsements in the mayoral race....

I am looking for a letter in the Columbus Ledger Enquirer, a Letter To The Editor. (October 29, 2006)

I've heard people complaining about Bo Callaway of Pine Mountain supporting the Mayor of Columbus to run again . Some people thought Bo was out of line,since he lives in Harris County, Georgia.

I have been told that it appears that Howard "Bo" Calaway is speaking for the family. I am curious and I just wanted to read the article .

I saw the T V commercial one time, but I didn't catch all Bo said.. Do you know where I can locate the letter? I couldn't remember if he was speaking for himself or a spokesman for the Callaway Family. It might have been in October 29, 2006 (Letters To The Editor.)

My interest in the T V Commerical and the Letter to the Columbus Ledger Enquirer Editor is......I'm supporting Jim Weatherington.

Thank you .

Sandra

Maiden name Waldrop

Columbus, Muscogee County, Georgia

I don't have last Sunday's paper, Sandra - but from what I recall of the commercial, Bo Callaway speaks for himself in the TV commercial. His backing is a bit like John McCain going to Alabama to support Governor Bob Riley, President Bush visiting Georgia on behalf of Mac Collins, or the Orlando area Board of Realtors rooting on Sonny Perdue.

We have one other e-mail, about a high school arrest we mentioned Thursday:

Years ago a nice young teen forgot his hunting rifle in the rack in the back window of his pick up..On Monday morning he drove to school from his country place without removing the rifle..He was sent to the Alternative School to finish out the year..Now he is a responsible adult and I'm proud to know him...Now what will happen to the Shaw student?

Well, the Shaw High School student is a senior - so I think it's too late for him to transfer to Northside, and be on their champion rifle team.

(Failing that - hmmmm, here's an idea. Pair that teenager with a rapper, and offer a new show to MTV: "Hunting with the Stars.")

BIG PREDICTION: When the annual Steeplechase is held at Callaway Gardens Saturday, not a single horse will attempt to chase down a steeple.

Now let's jump over a few Thursday news headlines:

+ Authorities announced 38 Columbus arrests, in a national crime crackdown called "Operation Falcon III." With a name like that, I thought it involved getting Michael Vick to throw touchdown passes.

+ Columbus Police reported Tony Pittman was arrested on charges of robbing a convenience store on Second Avenue. Pittman reportedly goes by the nickname "Short Dog" - so maybe this Short Dog needs a long time inside a "pen."

+ Columbus State University hosted a forum on the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation. Roy Bourgeois of S.O.A. Watch told WRBL the WHINSEC students should be trained in providing food, not firing weapons. But would grapes really fit well inside the barrel of pistols?

+ Power of Praise Church in Opelika held the third night of its "winter revival." If they're holding a WINTER revival in Opelika in the first week of November, they deserve the early freeze they're getting.

+ Instant Message to Pierce Furniture on 38^th Street: Did I see one of your people with a sign on River Road last weekend? And wasn't he promoting the same "retirement liquidation" sale you had last November [14 Nov 05]? Which member of the staff is leaving this year?

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: How we're dealing with "attack ad" overload....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 5265 (+ 151, 3.0%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 12:33 AM

Thursday, November 02, 2006

2 NOV 06: EARLY TO RISE

First came a train blocking Tenth Avenue near Tenth Street. Then came a long train blocking Buena Vista Road, near St. Mary's Road. If the Columbus morning rush hour began at the same time Atlanta's did, these tracks would be clear before 5:00 a.m.

I had to drive around both rail blockages early Wednesday, to get to a Columbus TV station on time for an appointment. So come to think of it, the old phrase "here comes the 5:15" applied to me....

Yet despite the obstacles, I turned off Buena Vista Road onto "NBC-38 Drive" around 5:35 a.m. WLTZ had a private road with that name long before Mayor Poydasheff gained one of his own - which reminds me: has the mayor pulled a "Sonny-Do," and bought some land on his own street yet?

But I digress: I needed to be at NBC-38 by 6:00 a.m. to appear on "Rise-N-Shine." Every Wednesday morning the talk show turns into an hour of gospel music, and co-host Nan Floyd had invited me to appear and sing. She apparently clicked the link to my album page, and heard a sample of the music there. I suspect some of you haven't even admitted loading it on your iPod yet....

(Yes, Nan Floyd of Rise-N-Shine has read this blog a time or two. When she invited me to appear, I wondered if she was trying to get me into a surprise debate with Judge Bobby Peters.)

When I talked to Nan Floyd on the phone a couple of weeks ago, she had trouble spelling my last name. "That's an unusual name," she said. I explained it didn't seem that way to me - but then, I'm used to it after more than 48 years.

So with the invitation offered, I drove to NBC-38 - which can be a bit hard to find, if you're not looking for it along Buena Vista Road. The station is tucked away in the woods, on land along the border with Fort Benning. It would be a perfect hiding place from terrorists - well, except for those two tall TV towers sticking up outside the building.

It turned out I was the first musician to arrive at NBC-38. The producer of Rise-N-Shine let me in the back door, and led me down a hallway to the studio. It's used not only for the morning show, but the Sunday morning Church of Christ program "Know Your Bible." Apparently all the gospel singers did, because I didn't see anybody bring one.

After a short wait, the regular singers arrived. Two of them had a familar last name - "Hess," as in the late gospel singing star Jake Hess. One member of the group even showed off a little Jake Hess bear, which he obtained recently at a music convention. Hopefully Jake wouldn't mind the little hairpiece on the top -- stuck on with Velcro and removable.

"We're not really professional here," the woman in the singing group admitted to me before the show. Indeed. There was hardly any rehearsal time, no organized list of songs for the hour, no group prayer before we sang - and yet they dared to have a BAPTIST hymnal around the piano?!

I was able to join the singing group in a couple of their songs - which I should note were NOT really memorized. The musicians pass around a songbook, to whomever is the lead singer for a particular verse. This wasn't formal "corporate worship" at all. It was so informal and down-home, they actually seemed to have fun doing it.

But don't misunderstand: these singers know their gospel music, and they do it very well. They jumped right into their first selection at 6:00 a.m. as if they'd been doing it for years. Mr. Special Guest Me was invited to join them - but when you don't know the song "First Morning in Heaven," all you can do is sing a rhythmic "doo" on the beat like you're playing bass.

Nan Floyd does NOT sing with the gospel group. Instead, she's at the "kitchen set" and serves as host of the program. She read the weather forecast right off the TV screen. And if someone had colored a couple of maps -- well, Nan's not quite Nicole Mitchell at the Weather Channel (ahem), but she might have passed for Harmony Mendoza.

Husband Calvin Floyd usually appears on Rise-N-Shine, but he was absent Wednesday morning. He wanted me to sing "Just a Closer Walk With Thee" -- and when Nan hinted in advance that viewers "like the old hymns," I knew which song they had in mind. They probably hadn't heard of the songs on the album which I wrote, since Amy Grant still hasn't stopped by to hear them.

If you missed Rise-N-Shine, you missed me singing songs, plugging my CD, mentioning a couple of Wednesday blog items - and chatting with a pianist who had attended an American Dental Association convention in Las Vegas. I borrowed an old Bible Broadcasting Network joke, annd asked if he'd sung the dentists' official hymn: "Crown Him with Many Crowns."

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: If you DID tune in, please don't tell anybody about our squirrel hunting story -- we're holding that here for another day.)

The live Rise-N-Shine gospel hour passed surprisingly quickly. I guess that's what happens when the singers show up for worship, and the preacher doesn't....

I didn't realize until the closing credits at the end of the hour that Rise-N-Shine now has its own web site. Imagine my surprise to check it Wednesday afternoon, and find a banner ad at the bottom of the home page for "gay and lesbian" commitment rings! Next Wednesday, maybe the gospel group should sing a little louder.

As we all left NBC-38 shortly after 7:00 a.m., Nan Floyd recalled someone who met his wife in a parking lot. She said they're still married years later. Don't worry, Calvin - I really was NOT tempted at all by this.

E-MAIL UPDATE: This message reached us Wednesday, and was a bit surprising:

Hi,

My name is Jennifer Lapuz.

I had come across your blog when searching for any recent articles

about my cousin Richard Davis.

His case is still unresolved.

Thank you for posting all the information you had.

Sincerely,

Jennifer Lapuz

www.memoriesofrichard.tripod.com

Richard Davis is the Fort Benning Captain who was killed in the woods near Milgen Road in 2003 -- the case that's been the subject of a "48 Hours" report [21 May], and a possible future book [15 Sep]. With three guilty pleas and one guilty verdict, why would Jennifer describe this case as "still unresolved?" Isn't it a bit late to sue the dancers at the Platinum Club?

Now to the Wednesday news headlines:

+ Columbus Police reported a Shaw High School senior was arrested, for having a hunting rifle in his pickup. The student claimed he forgot to remove the rifle, after going hunting Tuesday night. Now hold on - he went hunting on Halloween night?! Is it zombie and goblin season in Georgia yet?

+ Columbus Mayor/candidate Bob Poydasheff told WRCG's "TalkLine" he knows of no "unwritten agreement" about the Firestone car repair shop next to the main library. So if the mechanic tells you the engine needs new belts, he'd better put it on paper.

+ Columbus mayoral write-in candidate Bert Coker told the evening news you should vote for him because, "I know the problems that people have, and I have the problems that people know." Hmmmm, let me guess - dandruff? Bad credit? Erectile dysfunction?

(Bert Coker also declared if he's elected mayor, he'll privatize the METRA bus program. And we all know how much that's inspired Amtrak to send train service through Columbus....)

+ Some residents of Seale complained a woman's backyard business called "Diane's Pretty Pups" is really a puppy mill, with animals sold at flea markets. If you ask me, this smells like a racket. She sells dogs at flea markets - and then is someone at another booth, selling flea collars?!

+ AFLAC chief executive officer Dan Amos predicted the company will have double-digit earnings growth again next year. For many of us, this potentially means even more difficult sports trivia questions.

+ WRBL's Midday news had the anchor introducing a "live report" from the Opelika-Auburn News. Only then, reporter Jamie Lakin stood for 13 seconds before saying a word (yes, I counted it). Either WRBL's Opelika reports are NOT live, as some people are telling me -- or Lakin has to wait for a fax to arrive telling her to start.

+ A guest on Troy Public Radio's "Community Focus" referred to a homeowner-boatowner as an H.O.B.O. That settles it for me! I'll never live at Lake Harding, since only HOBO's hand out there.

+ Instant Message to Senator John Kerry: Believe me - I know all about botching jokes. But at least you could have blamed yours on a faulty speech writer....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 5114 (+ 104, 2.1%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

-- posted by Richard at 12:00 AM

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

1 NOV 06: THE OFF-BEAT

Three veteran Columbus police officers retired from the force Tuesday - officers who combined for more than 100 years of service. It's nice to know Jim Wetherington already is lining up his mayoral staff....

One of the retired officers is Sergeant Jim Warren. He told WRBL when he began with Columbus police, there was only one squad car for every beat. So somehow, public safety obtained money for more cars over the last few decades - but perhaps the car prices went up faster than the drivers' pay.

Sgt. Jim Warren added at the start of every shift, Columbus Police used to trade out shotguns in the backs of their cars. The new officers would check to ensure the guns were loaded, then head for their first call. Don't you wonder how many hunters forgot to do that at 4:00 a.m., on the first morning of deer season?

This news story struck me as interesting for several reasons. Do you mean some Columbus police officers actually have spent more than 30 years on the force? Why didn't they jump to some other police department for a higher salary? Did they fear becoming labeled like bank robbers - who "take the money and run?"

Scenes such as this also raise questions about one of the biggest issues in the mayor's race. Who will fill the holes created by retirements in the police department? Even if Jim Wetherington loses next Tuesday, he's only one extra man on the force....

I don't know the breakdown of how many police vacancies are due to retirement, as opposed to other reasons. But critics of public safety make it sound like more and more officers leave Columbus for better paychecks elsewhere. So the city eventually may save money, with no more gold watches to hand out.

Could it be that the "old guard' on the Columbus Police Department is more loyal to the city, than younger officers enticed away by more money? Or are the younger officers really hoping to make a financial windfall, by selling their homes to all the extra soldiers?

As far as I know, the Columbus Fraternal Order of Police is NOT making phone calls backing Jim Wetherington in the mayor's race. But I received another one of those F.O.P. fund-raising calls the other night -- the second in four months [22 Jun]. Maybe they're trying to top the United Way, for the longest moneymaking campaign of the year.

I told the telemarketer from Who-Knows-Where I guessed the Fraternal Order of Police hadn't met its fund-raising goal yet. "No, we haven't," he said.

"What's your goal?"

"Our goal?" Yes, like the thermometer outside a United Way office. I don't mean you have a quota for traffic tickets.

"Yes, your goal."

"It's -- really high." The telemarketer was starting to sound like a drug suspect caught in an undercover sting.

"How high?"

"My manager would have to tell you that." I didn't bother asking for the manager. He might have traced my number back to Columbus, and had me arrested for turning it into a harassing phone call.

Our writing time is limited, because of Wednesday morning's special event - so we'll hang up on that telemarketer and mention other Tuesday headlines:

+ Vivian Carter decided to accept the contract to be Russell County School Superintendent. But after the debate of the last few weeks, I have a funny feeling she'll have an unlisted home address.

+ Alatech Healthcare announced it will reduce jobs at its Eufaula plant - a factory which makes condoms for the federal government. I must admit I'm shocked by this. They can't hold out until Democrats take control of Congress?!

+ A Macon radio station switched from "alternative rock" to all-Christmas music - yes, on October 31. [True/AllAccess.com] Who knows how many children were inspired by this, and went trick-or-treating dressed as Santa Claus.

(A Clear Channel station made this change to go all-Christmas on Halloween. That's the same radio chain which switches "Sunny 100 FM" in Columbus in the middle of November. A snowman light display was up Tuesday at Heritage Park downtown -- so is there a payoff going on here somewhere?)

+ Instant Message to Ed DuBose of the Georgia NAACP: I can understand your continuing concern about the Kenneth Walker case. But when you addressed Columbus Council Tuesday, did you have to have a cell phone stuck in your ear? Or was your presentation going to a conference call in Atlanta?

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Two-for-one tickets to Friday's America concert, today only at the RiverCenter.... Halloween candy half-price at Target and CVS.... and pumpkins being left along curbs all over own....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 5010 (+ 105, 2.1%)

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