5 NOV 06: OLD SCHOOL JAM
"RING RINNNGG!" rang the bell behind me, as I jogged on the Riverwalk Saturday night. I raised my hands and drifted to the right-hand side. I don't run nearly fast enough to be ticketed by the bicycle police officers for speeding.
"You're all right," said the man passing me on the left - the first bicycle in a five-bike convoy. My response was actually one of relief:
"At least you're a bicycle, and not a car!"
Cars on the Riverwalk? In some sections, it was certainly possible Saturday. The reason was the annual Fountain City Classic football game - which has become the one day of the year when parts of the Riverwalk turn into Riverside Drive.
The lead cyclist understood what I meant - because we were passing through Rotary Park around 6:25 p.m., where the cars were in abundance. They filled not only the boat dock parking lot, but the grassy area on the other side of the boat ramp. A visitor who didn't know better might think it was one of those Victory Drive used car lots.
One daring driver actually parked his car on grass next to the Riverwalk's wooden bridge, which connects South Commons with Rotary Park. That means he/she must have driven down the Riverwalk about a quarter-mile - so let's all be thankful no charity had a fund-raising walk this weekend.
(And the car which created that parking space had a Muscogee County license plate. So you'd think this driver would know better -- unless this driver is from the 80 percent of Columbus which probably doesn't realize the Riverwalk extends beyond downtown.)
Cars were all over downtown before the Fountain City Classic as well. At about 1:15 p.m., the line of southbound traffic on Veterans Parkway extended from South Commons to beyond 11th Street. That's a backup of more than a mile - something which might even impress rush-hour drivers in Atlanta.
I passed that long line of cars, because I was heading north to church. The Fountain City Classic never came up at our weekly service. Why, the Pastor didn't even bring up the mess involving the National Association of Evangelicals....
Since I didn't listen to the Fountain City Classic on radio, I didn't know who won. As I walked toward home after my Riverwalk run, I came upon two men who might know. They stood outside a car parked near Golden Park, holding cups in their hands. "So who won the game?"
"That's a good question," one answered -- making me wonder how many times those cups had been filled.
"You didn't go to the game?"
"No, we didn't."
"You're just standing here looking like the after-party, but you didn't go to the game." The men started laughing along with me. "You're like the guy in that Bud commercial. You're here for the beer, not the game?!"
In reality, the after-party seemed to be going on in the parking lot next to McClung Memorial Stadium. As I jogged on the Riverwalk below, first I smelled cooking meat - then I heard loud soul music. But the fans apparently were good athletes, because no footballs rolled down the hill to where I was running.
So I walked all the way home, where a group of people had an after-dark cookout at my apartment complex. "So who won the game?" I asked one of the men there.
"I don't know," he answered. He wasn't in the neighborhood for the Fountain City Classic, either. Maybe people just show up to hunt for free burgers.
I had to watch the evening news to find out Albany State won the Fountain City Classic, foiling Fort Valley State 21-3. We mention this for other people who wandered around South Commons Saturday, and never heard the news.
The Fountain City Classic obviously draws a big crowd, but it's become clear to me that the event can be a traffic mess as well. Maybe Columbus Police should learn from the Callaway Gardens Steeplechase, and charge its own "car fee" -- like 50 dollars or more for towing, when people park illegally.
We may have mentioned this before, but doesn't this weekend clearly show we don't quite have "One Columbus" yet? The wealthy and northside people went to the Steeplechase. The middle-class and southside people went to the Fountain City Classic. And my neighbors simply were happy to have a sunny spot on a chilly day - as they sat on the porch doing nothing as usual.
E-MAIL UPDATE: We plan to be politics-free on Election Day as usual, so consider this your last call for campaign messages. This one reached us Saturday:
I sure will be glad when the elections are over...I tired of all the negative ads..If a candidate put an ad on now about positive things they have done they would win hands down...except for Uncle Bob passing out food to the Little League team has there been any thing positive?...I wonder if the fruit was as full of worm holes as the platforms of some candidates
Now hold on here! That last line sounds like a negative attack to me. Are we expected to believe what you SAY, or what you DO? Why.... oh wait. That line came from a Lucy Baxley attack ad, about Bob Riley.
A few candidates have put commercials on the air about the "positive" things they've done. Take the ads for Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue. If it wasn't for him, we all would have been walking and driving backwards the last four years.
Then there's Columbus Mayor Bob Poydasheff. One of his ads talks about 7,000 jobs which have come to town in the last four years. Of course, some of them may have changed planes in Columbus before they were outsourced to China....
But new questions arose about the mayor's race in the last 48 hours. Jim Wetherington wondered about a mysterious $10,000 loan to the Bob Poydasheff campaign - a loan Poydasheff says HE made from his own money. Only $90,000 more, and he could make the first payment on that landfill money.
Jim Wetherington showed up at the main Columbus library Friday, and took advantage of advance voting. Either he'll be busy campaigning all day Tuesday - or he'll be sleeping all day, before partying at his headquarters all night.
Perhaps Jim Wetherington voted early because of something the Ledger-Enquirer noted the other day - he and Bob Poydasheff happen to have the same voting precinct. Imagine if they had shown up at the same time Tuesday to vote?! The quarreling between the entourages might have really revealed which side police officers are on.
The mayoral candidates have announced last-minute famous-name endorsements. Reps. Calvin Smyre and Carolyn Hugley back Bob Poydasheff. Tax Commissioner Lula Huff backs Jim Wetherington. And Bert Coker apparently still is trying to line up street signs of support from more than one muffler shop.
I can understand the e-mailer's frustration with negative campaign ads. The latest one from Georgia gubernatorial candidate Mark Taylor revises Sonny Perdue's mock "Sonny-Do list" to include the line, "Hide behind Zell." Oh really? On some African-American radio stations, Taylor's still hiding behind Andrew Young.
But I've been thinking the last few days - what if everybody did what the candidates do? What if ALL businesses engaged in negative "attack ads?" Suddenly most of the regular commercials on TV and radio seem downright reputable, don't they?
Just for fun, we've followed through with the "what if." We created a set of attack ads, about things OTHER than politics. Keep in mind these are NOT real ads -- they're parodies. But if some businesses actually want to put them on the air, we have very reasonable rates to acquire the copyright.
OVERHEARD OVER HERE: We had a special announcement to offer at church this weekend, so we described it to the Presiding Elder before the Pastor arrived.
"We'll have to run it by the Big Guy when he shows up...."
"Mark Taylor's coming to this service?!?"
(The people from Georgia who heard this understood the joke. The Presiding Elder lives in Chambers County, and didn't have a clue.)
Now for other interesting items from a chilly fall weekend:
+ A woman named Kim Denmark came to Columbus, on a nationwide walking tour promoting the needs of low-income and homeless people. She plans to walk across the 13th Street Bridge next Saturday - so what's she doing in the meantime? Looking for short-term work at the Career Center?
+ The Phenix City Moose Lodge had a Saturday night steak dinner, followed by an appearance by "Plain Ugly." I'm not sure about this - but I'm guessing he's Ugly Betty's long-lost brother.
+ Albany State University President Everette Freeman went to Carver High School, and encouraged students to go to college - even if it's NOT at his college. My older brother gave me similar advice when I was a boy. He said I could go to college anywhere I pleased - but if I went to Kansas State, he simply would never speak to me again.
+ Kentucky surprised Georgia 24-20 in college football - and the Lexington fans went so wild that they tore down the goalposts. This is how you can tell Kentucky's not a football school. They don't even realize Georgia isn't ranked in the top 25 right now.
+ Instant Message to Crawford Road Baptist Church in Phenix City: I noticed your Sunday sermon title is, "What is the Great Commission?" Is it safe to assume the answer is NOT the Russell County Commission?
COMING MONDAY: Our traditional Election Eve.... well, if we told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?....
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