16 NOV 06: SPAM SADDAM

The tension is starting to build in Columbus. The S.O.A. Watch protesters will be on one side. The "God Bless Fort Benning" celebrants will be on the other side. And somewhere between them along Victory Drive, the Ritmo Latino nightclub isn't sure if it should play a Spanish-language national anthem or not.

No matter which side you're taking this weekend, I'm not sure anyone would support the e-mailing of spam in the name of the Third Infantry Division. One of our InBoxes received such a message Wednesday -- supposedly sent by a Sergeant, and involving millions of dollars. No, I was NOT being recruited to claim the reward for Usama bin-Laden....

Here's the sergeant's e-mail, which landed in a "spam" InBox:

From: Sgt. Brian Fields

Sgt: Third (3rd) infantry Division US Military

Iraq

Direct



Dear Friend



My name is Sgt. Brian Fields I am an American soldier, serving in the military with the Third (3rd) infantry Division in Iraq. My superior and I after going on a rampage on Saddam Hussein palace in Baghdad discovered a substantial amount of money. You may need to check out the following BBC website to confirm more of our discovery which was made know to the government, but this particular one is a top secret....

While on the mission, we took to a secure place with the assistance of our contact person in UK (A private attorney of our UK military colleague); the total is $25,000,000.00 (Twenty Five million US dollars). Basically since we are working for the government we cannot keep these funds in our bank account. It is on this juncture that we decided to seek your assistance to keep this money for us in your account or an offshore account controlled by you.



There is no risk involved whatsoever. If you are interested I will send you the full details, my job is to find a good partner that we can trust and that will assist us. Can I trust you? To ensure confidentiality, when you receive this letter, kindly reply me via e-mail signifying your interest including your confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication and also your contact details for identification



Respectfully submitted

Sgt. Brian Fields

I'm a firm believer in keeping my "sources" confidential - but if they're going to give me millions of stolen dollars, I'm not sure that's a good idea.

U.S. soldiers certainly have taken some plunder from Saddam Hussein's palaces across Iraq. I've been told some of it is on display at Fort Benning's National Infantry Museum. But I might have been happier if the soldiers had come home with title deeds to Iraqi oil fields.

But there are a few big problems with this e-mail. For starters, the Third Infantry Division is NOT serving in Iraq right now. Redeployment isn't scheduled until next year 2007 - so the mock cities they've prepared for drills at Fort Benning and Fort Stewart may be more pricy than we thought.

Besides that, since when did the U.S. Army start monitoring soldiers' personal bank accounts? Who knows how many personnel could be busted, for using ATM's on Victory Drive late at night....

On top of all that, Sgt. Brian Fields has an AOL address for replying to his offer - but the address which sent the offer was based at some web site in Italy. With all respect to John Kerry, I think our soldiers know the difference between countries which begin with "I."

I've looked at enough e-mails over the years to realize this offer from a "sergeant" smells fishy. It's similar to scam offers from bankers for plane crash victims, or widows of central African leaders. The wife of Mobutu Sese Seko has e-mailed me so many times, part of me wants to wire her flowers in response.

But there's a troubling side to this e-mail. A check of the "urban legend" web site Snopes.com has no listing of a scam like this. But then again, I looked in the "military" section. Perhaps I should have done a specific search for "Nigerian army."

If fact-or-fiction web sites don't mention this military scam, I wonder how many people have been taken by it -- perhaps giving up their credit card or checking account numbers. The old advice to soldiers of giving only a "name, rank and serial number" is awfully outdated in the age of identity theft.

We e-mailed the Third Infantry Division about this scam Wednesday night, but had received no reply by post time. It could be that the Army has no one named Brian Fields at all - that it's all the work of someone who really would rather stay a "private," not a sergeant.

SPAM-A-RAMA: We received another spam message the other day with the title: "SMOKERS COUGH? QUIT FOR LIFE, SADIST." Someone must have thought I lived in Auburn....

Auburn joined the crowd of cities Wednesday, with a ban on almost all public smoking. It took effect just in time for today's Great American Smoke-Out -- but a little late to damage Rep. Mike Hubbard, after that smoky attack ad.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Here's a follow-up letter from the top woman at Midtown Inc. on the city auditor issue:

Good morning Richard. I was out of town and have just had the opportunity to see your comments to my email regarding the internal v. external auditor issue. An internal auditor may be less expensive than an external auditor. (I truly don't know, particularly when you consider benefits in addition to salary. Of course, many fiscal conservative clamor for the efficiencies" of outsourcing.) If one chooses the internal auditor for costs sake, then the questions is: Do we give up the external auditor or pay for the redundancy of having an internal and external auditor? If you fire the external auditors and hire an internal auditor, then the city has given up the independence of the external auditor, which is so important. I bring this up again, because I believe the auditor debate was confused by the interchanging use of internal v. external auditor. I think what we ended up with was both an internal and external auditor and the redundancy and waste that goes with it. That's why I was surprised to see our community's fiscal conservatives pushing so hard for the two roles to be established. It would have been efficient to have the Finance Director assume internal audit functions, maintain the external auditor, and save the cost of an additional city position. I will stop beating the dead horse now. Thanks.

Teresa Pike Tomlinson, Esq.

I'm not all that sure this horse is dead, your Esquireness. The TV stations may find another $500,000 in city bills which haven't been paid -- making you wonder if journalists should apply for the City Auditor job.

Another e-mail reached us late in the day, about the big news story of the day:

Excellent coverage from the TV Stations on the Storm on Wensday.

Give yourselves a big pat on the back.

From what I saw on the evening newscasts, I think at least one station already is giving itself that "big pat" on the air. But I'm not sure WRBL's Bob Jeswald has any strength left to do that - because he was on TV so much....

Severe weather moved through the Columbus area during early afternoon. When a tornado warning was issued for part of Muscogee County, Peachtree Mall closed all its stores and gathered customers near the Food Court. Huh - no store left open to sell umbrellas?

WRBL reported even the Russell County courthouse closed for the afternoon, because of the storm. We certainly don't couples getting married, then being showered with hailstones outside instead of confetti.

Now before we dry out and pick up the pine straw which blew across our yards, let's check other things which happened Wednesday:

+ The Chattahoochee County Commission voted to appeal a court-ordered freeze on the new police department. The issue will go before the Georgia Supreme Court. To which incoming commissioners probably said: "The court will hear that case when our freeze is over."

+ Police officials told WXTX "News at Ten" they do NOT patrol South Columbus any more than North Columbus. Of course they don't - because they're all focusing these days on downtown and Broadway.

+ Dr. Vivian Carter spent her first day on the job as Russell County School Superintendent. Carter says her tour of the schools found "teachers engaged...." Could she be more specific, please - engaged in legal behavior, or illegal?

+ WRBL reported Columbus dentist Murray Newlin hired temporary workers to stand in line for hours outside Wal-Mart stores, to buy the new PlayStation 3 for his relatives. This proves Georgia Labor Commissioner Mike Thurmond's commercial was right. There's a "job for every Georgian" - even lazy ones who lie down on the job all day.

(Newlin reportedly dropped the temps, after word of what he did spread around town. Those poor workers -- now they have to settle for low-budget video games at the bowling center.)

+ ESPN's web site reported Columbus native Frank Thomas is on the verge of signing a two-year contract with baseball's Toronto Blue Jays. You may not realize how big an adjustment this will be for Thomas. He'll have to bite his tongue, every time a Canadian spells it "centre field."

+ Instant Message to Cheryl Burke: If you're going on that "Dancing With the Stars" tour to Atlanta in a few weeks, I have a song ready to share on the floor with you. It's an old Anne Murray tune -- "Can I have this dance, for the rest of my life?"

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Christian comic Mark Lowry at Wynnbrook Baptist Church.... the Broadway version of "Aida" at the RiverCenter.... and FREE intimidation of smokers, on Great American Smoke-Out Day....

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