for 22 NOV 06: THE ALL-OVER-TOWN TAP

Columbus Council heard Tuesday about yet another department that's lacking in money. This time it's Columbus Water Works, and there's a deficit well into eight figures. You'd think a good lawsuit against Alabama and Florida would make up for that....

Columbus Water Works President Billy Turner told WRBL the utility needs a rate increase, because it has a deficit of 16 million dollars. Someone on the staff should have suggested everyone play that recent McDonald's game - you know, "Monopoly."

(I may have suggested it before, but how about a "Monopoly Month" at Columbus Water Works? Have customers roll dice to determine how much they pay - and the wealthy folks who own more than one house have to pay ten times the amount shown.)

How did Columbus Water Works wind up with so much red ink? Billy Turner explains costs keep rising for things such as energy and pipes. And if construction crews don't watch where they dig around the airport, the pipe bill will move ahead.

Columbus Water Works seems to be cutting back in some areas. Did you notice the flier with the November bill? I didn't until the other day, when I looked on the back side - and suddenly realized the utility apparently is doing without a proofreader.

But when it comes to the 16-million dollar gap, Columbus water customers will have to provide the difference. Water Works President Billy Turner says monthly bills will increase by at least one dollar a month come January. So this leaves a tough choice -- to empty those 55-gallon drums you filled with low-priced gasoline, or not?

In fact, Columbus Water Works apparently has been promised rate increases for years to come. But this is where it gets confusing. The TV news report said five years of increases began in 2002 - then added the upcoming increase is one of a series lasting until 2012. If the journalists aren't sure about this, you can be pretty sure the city finance officers aren't sure either.

If you're a low-income customer, Columbus Water Works is offering some help. Starting in January, you can receive a monthly credit on your water bill of $3.50 a month. This will be fine, as long as the prices on the Wendy's Value Menu don't go up.

They're also talking about water in Phenix City. The city council discussed a proposal this week to merge the water department with Russell County. Swapping water for homeless animals seems like a very strange deal to me....

A sudden change of plans keeps us from commenting more on this - so we'll quickly wrap up other news from Tuesday:

+ WRBL's Bob Jeswald declared during the 5:00 p.m. news it was "knit cap" weather - then pulled out a Buffalo Bills cap to prove it. Now I'm concerned we could get "lake effect snow" from Lake Harding.

+ A spokesman for Country's Barbecue told the evening news it's already out of "souffle" for Thanksgiving. If this forces you to change dinner plans, we have some advice. Please make sure your blender lid fits securely before you add the yams and turn it on.

+ Area high school students participated in a "model United Nations" at Columbus State University. So which teenager had the honor of playing Venezuela's Hugo Chavez, and insulting President Bush?

+ The Carver-Spencer high school basketball game was postponed until further notice. The Ledger-Enquirer claimed this was because of Carver's upcoming football playoff game on Friday night. So what's the real story here? Is the school district afraid a rumble will break out, and get half the football players suspended?

+ The Georgia Aquarium in downtown Atlanta marked its first anniversary. The aquarium was built from a big donation by Arthur Blank. But I think the celebration has gone too far - because Blank's Atlanta Falcons have gone in the tank three weeks in a row.

+ Instant Message to Goody's: Did I hear your commercial correctly? The "Pre-Thanksgiving Sale" STARTS today?! Were you too busy to start this a week or two ago?

Thousands of visitors read this blog every month, in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 3837 (+ 87, 2.3%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.