12 NOV 06: A BLUNT INSTRUMENT

The post-election analysis continues this weekend. I don't mean the reviews on TV talk shows or in newspaper editorials, but at churches. Groups such as the Southern Baptists may be spending extra time in prayer and repentance - and asking God to reveal where the other Ted Haggards are.

The church denomination I attend claims to be "apolitical." It advises members to pray about elections, instead of voting. But come to our congregation and you'll quickly discover the members are quite conservative and pro-Republican. I think at least one man still blames former President Carter for the floods in Americus and Albany in the early 1990's.

When my pastor stepped up for the church "announcements" Saturday afternoon, he spent close to ten minutes discussing last Tuesday's election. He wanted us to have a "positive" perspective on the vote -- yet he never talked about how well Republicans did across Georgia.

The pastor declared it's been a "week of depression," because Democrats are taking control of Congress. He said it "forebodes some dark days" ahead, because Democrats these days tend to be "socialist." Yes sirree, we're apolitical....

The pastor seemed annoyed that potential House Speaker Nancy Pelosi appeared for a TV interview "wearing Armani." He said that sort of designer outfit "is worn by celebrities." Now I feel guilty about the Yves Saint Laurent tie I used to wear - even though I bought it on sale at TJ Maxx.

The pastor is convinced that with Democrats taking control of Congress and Republicans seemingly ready to strike compromises, taxes will go up. He said it would be "a shame" for the "death tax" to be restored. The official name for this is the estate tax - but we all know how Republicans oppose changing names to make them politically correct.

The pastor claimed Muslims around the world are "jumping for joy" - not only because of the election, but because Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has resigned. It was almost as if he's forgotten George W. Bush is still President for two more years....

And if that wasn't enough, the pastor suggested "tolerance" had gone too far in this election. He said the victory of a Muslim in a U.S. House seat in Minnesota shows our country "is coming apart at the seams." The founding fathers apparently lacked vision and were too liberal, when they put "freedom of religion" in the Bill of Rights.

The pastor told us in Tuesday's election, the U.S. voters chose security as opposed to freedom. Yet he's mentioned how former President Clinton brought shame on the office - so sometimes too much freedom in the wrong direction can be wrong as well.

So did Democrats win control of Congress because our congregation didn't pray hard enough for - well, for God's will to be done, since we're apolitical? Maybe not. The pastor said God puts officials in charge who reflect "the hearts of the people." I didn't realize so many were as mushy as Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes's.

The pastor implied by putting Democrats in control of Congress, the U.S. electorate had rejected God. Yet in the sermon that followed on the Biblical book of Daniel, he noted "empires come and go." Perhaps he suddenly remembered the first two years of Bill Clinton's Presidency - when Democrats controlled Congress, before they were voted out.

>> LANGUAGE ALERT: But the pastor was so wound up by his "announcements" that he made another shocking statement during the sermon. He said too many college students ask themselves, "Who am I gonna get laid with today?" He said that phrase TWICE!! It's a word I'm hesitant to use, even about chickens and eggs....

(The pastor also called a woman in the book of Genesis a "two-bit floozy." Somehow, I don't think the dancers on Victory Drive would settle for two bits anymore.)

This church service reminded me of how the denomination is "apolitical" in public -- but really in name only. I recalled the day in October 2000 when this same pastor said during a service: "Let's all hope George W. Bush wins the election." I stayed away the next weekend in protest. But this year I can't do that -- because the Thanksgiving dinner follows next week's service, and I signed up to bring bread.

BLOG UPDATE: Speaking of the election, we want to help plan Jim Wetherington's agenda as Mayor. Governor Sonny Perdue has a "Sonny-Do list" - which hopefully he's going to reveal in detail in the next few weeks, so reporters or Democrats won't have to get a court order to release it.

But I digress: to borrow from grade school, let's call the agenda for Mayor-Elect Jim Wetherington the "Big Chief's tablet." Simply e-mail the blog with your proposals, and we'll post them here for the incoming mayor and his staff to review. We can't guarantee he'll do all those projects, of course - especially since he can't for more than one sales tax increase at a time.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Our Friday hockey note brought a comment about the radio announcer:

RE: + We mentioned the Columbus Cottonmouths losing at Pee Dee 6-4 - in what radio announcer Mike Vee called a "bizarre" game. Vee complained the referees "cannot call penalties every two or three minutes. hat's not what people pay to see." Vee must not know how the mayor's race turned out.

Remember, this is the same Mike Vee who (at least when I was there) violated league rules as an announcer and always started "Let's Go Snakes" cheers. I always found him to be the least enjoyable part of the game.

Hippity Hop

Yes, that's the same Mike Vee calling Cottonmouths games on WEAM-AM. From what I've heard so far this season, he's not leading cheers like that on radio. He's not really leading jeers of the referees, either.

I had an on-air dispute with Mike Vee a few years ago, when he hosted a sports talk show on another radio station. I disagreed with him about whether fighting sometimes is necessary in hockey. He said it was. Somehow the National Basketball Association disagreed with this a couple of years ago.

We also have a post-election e-mail today. It may need a language alert of its own -- and it seems aimed at a TV station's general manager:

"hey Lee"

What's on our minds

Your Main News Reporter and a field reporter reported on the news cast earlier this week that they could not find anyone that was against the Fire Fee increase for Lee County"

"Well - Gall-a-lee Gee - Wheez what do you know.. It failed - It failed county wide.

Seems that the one sided news reporters were at it again, this time - sticking their noses in Lee County Alabama business - trying to influence an outcome.

- and because your own city used safety as an issue to influence a election-you thought it would work else where too...

Lee County voters saw thru what the Amendment turely was and sent it back to the trash can, we're not as dumb and stupid as the east side of the river thinks we is.

Say good nite "Jon Boy"

Ouch! Maybe the opponents of the higher fire fee were all too busy to talk with the TV reporters - busy putting up extra firewalls on their homes.

But were the reporters "sticking their noses in Lee County, Alabama business" - or simply reporting on a concern of volunteer fire departments there? The departments certainly wanted that fee to go up. Perhaps they didn't expect so many fee-fi-foes.

(At least voters sent the fire fee increase "to the trash can." They weren't "dumb and stupid" enough to incinerate it -- because the fire crews might not have shown up to handle that.)

Now let's handle other weekend news with proper attention and care:

+ The "Sons of the American Revolution" placed flags on local graves, to mark Veterans Day. Hopefully no one from the Sons of Confederate Veterans did the same thing - because anyone pushed to the ground might not have been able to get up.

+ Davis Broadcasting of "Foxie 105" fame announced it will buy two radio stations in northwest Georgia. One of them happens to be "Sunny 100 FM" -- only in Talking Rock. So don't be surprised if Clear Channel responds by offering to buy Fox-54.

+ Nikki America opened a new fuel systems plant in Auburn. Organizers were smart enough NOT to play old songs by Prince, to mark the occasion....

+ The American Red Cross staged its annual fundraising "duck race," with 10,000 rubber ducks dropped in the Chattahoochee River. But if none of them look like the AFLAC duck, it just doesn't seem right in Columbus.

+ The Georgia High School Association held its state cheerleading championship at the Civic Center. It cost three dollars to park at this event, while I didn't notice any parking fee for the softball tournament - so I guess this tells us which groups of young women are considered hotter.

(WRBL reported Harris County won the AAA state cheerleading title. So will there be a parade in Hamilton to celebrate this? Will all the football players have to do back flips, in tribute?)

+ Georgia stunned Auburn on the road in college football 37-15. It was the final home game for War Eagle VI, so a special "breakfast with Tiger" was arranged -- but who really expected it would be followed by "lunch OF Tiger"?!?!

(How many Auburn fans are pinning this loss on the Ledger-Enquirer? After all, the page-one headline for Troy Johnson's Saturday column said, "Hard to Muster Much Enthusiasm.")

+ Georgia Tech nipped North Carolina 7-0, to clinch a spot in the Atlantic Coast Conference championship game. Tech is the champion of the "Coastal Division" - which makes about as much sense to me as Louisville being in the Big East Conference.

(Tongue twister headline of the day: "Tech's team took a ticket to a top title tilt.")

+ Troy University remained unbeaten in conference play by felling Florida Atlantic 24-17. The Troy announcers noted Florida Atlantic has a linebacker named Frantz Joseph. He stands six-foot-three and weighs 235 pounds - so it's hard to envision a time when Frantz Joseph's hidin'.

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