for 2 OCT 06: FAST-PACED SPAM
As I post this, I'm preparing to keep the Biblical fast called the "Day of Atonement." So instead of checking Sunday news, we'll feast on a SPAM-A-RAMA - where we comment on REAL e-mail spam titles we've received in recent weeks:
"EMPRESS GOT TEHRAN"
It probably would be an improvement.
"WIMP TAX SHELTER"
What candidates in Columbus dare not say about the property tax freeze.
"MILLIONS DOGS"
That's nice - but I still haven't visited Victoryland.
"TEST SOB"
OK. Boo hoo.
"PONY RIDES - 25 CENTS - TWO FOR 50!"
No, I think that's for next year's Greater Columbus Fair.
"MENSTRUAL CLOCKWORK"
I've been told you look for the red dresses.
"PANSY PURPLE"
As a Kansas graduate, I've thought this way about Kansas State for some time.
"PAT ILLEGALLY"
....and you'll probably be arrested in Russell County schools for that, too.
"SHOWCASE ROMANTIC"
I think Creshon Saunders already showed off her engagement ring on WRBL.
"FAULT LEARN"
Read our e-mails.
"SEPARATION CHIN"
Look in the Yellow Pages under plastic surgeons.
"TRAFFIC JAM MART"
C'mon now - construction in Midland hasn't even started yet.
"CATCHER ROCKY"
....and Atlanta could use a couple of better pitchers next year, too.
"ROBBERY. NONLIFE INJURIES."
Ledger-Enquirer. Page B4.
"DAIRY FARM THOUGHTFUL."
You know, the folks at Best Buy HAVE surprised me about those cows.
"MUST HAVE MEDICATIONS"
Nope, that's not good enough for the Columbus Regional emergency room anymore.
"VAST BOARDINGHOUSE"
The Booker T. Washington apartments?!
"VERIFICATION GRIDIRON"
Yes, there were games Sunday - and the Falcons won.
"TREMENDOUS CIDER"
So why don't stores seem to sell it in months other than October and November?
"TAILLIGHT TYRANT"
Now, now -- Judge Haywood Turner is innocent until proven guilty.
"WATERSHED CRACKPOT"
What some other people call a blogger.
"SUNLIGHT CONCURRENCE"
Yes, I agree -- my neighborhood had some Sunday.
"ENORMOUS BARN"
....and the future of the old Sears building remains unclear.
"TECH TITAN"
Uhhhh - when Georgia Tech played Virginia Tech Saturday, didn't one of them HAVE to be?
"SUMMER IS ALMOST HERE, BE READY!"
This one reached me August 19 - from Australia, I guess.
"ARCADE BRAIN"
The guy with the most giant dolls at the Greater Columbus Fair.
"ACTING FIERY"
I think that's part of the job description of the Columbus Cottonmouths coach.
"GRIEVE"
Didn't I already do that? Boo hoo.
THE BIG BLOG QUESTION was not forgotten here. It closed Sunday afternoon, showing Bob Poydasheff narrowly in front of the Columbus mayor's race. He has 48 percent to Jim Wetherington's 40 percent and four percent for Burt Coker. Coker might have done better, had voters been required to write him in.
We quickly point out this was a NON-scientific survey. In fact, no laboratory mice were harmed in the conducting of this poll - unless your computer actually is in a laboratory, and your mouse broke while clicking.
At about five weeks until Election Day, we were surprised that no one left comments about the mayor's race. Maybe everyone's decided to act like the candidates - and only talk politics when a reporter forces you to do it.
BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.09 a gallon at Big Cat, North Lumpkin Road and 30th Avenue.... Pringle's cans for 79 cents with a Walgreens coupon.... and a surge of traffic at pizza buffets around 7:30 p.m. ET (the end of Atonement)....
SCHEDULED TUESDAY: A place where "express" can mean close to two hours....
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