1 OCT 06: DOUBLE OR NOTHING
How well do you know your neighbors? At my apartment complex, I know some of them a little. For instance, a couple of people on the other side like to listen to WKZJ K-92.7 FM. I know this because they turn it up loud on their porches every Saturday morning -- so I seldom have to turn it on.
BLOGGER BEGGAR #7: A woman claiming to be a neighbor of mine knocked on my door around 4:30 Friday afternoon. "My check comes on the third of the month," were some of the first words out of her mouth. When the conversation starts like that, it's safe to assume it's a bit more for business than pleasure.
"Can I borrow two dollars to buy a pack of cigarettes?" the woman asked. "I'll pay you back four dollars next Tuesday." A 100-percent return on my investment in four days? Some people quietly might wish she wanted to buy a carton.
This scene was quite familiar to me, and took me back nine years. My late next-door neighbor used to knock on my back door around the end of every month, needing three to five dollars to make it to check day. At first I was willing to help, because she always paid me back. But she openly talked on her porch about the Cash 3 lottery numbers she played, things changed.
Even though this latest woman claimed to live in another apartment, she didn't look familiar to me at all. And longtime blog readers will remember some of the other offers which have come to my door -- offering everything from cigarette-stamp swaps, to fine china kept inside a giant trash bag. They make the Jehovah's Witnesses look downright commonplace.
After being stunned for a moment by this woman's request, I tried to respond. "Do you live here? I don't recall seeing you here before."
"I live in apartment eight. I've been there about three years. I'm a bit of a homebody." Either that, or I'd stumbled upon a women in a witness protection program.
"I don't feel comfortable loaning money for someone's cigarette habit."
"I'll pay you FIVE dollars on Tuesday...." the woman answered. Now she was starting to sound like a desperate car salesman.
"It's not a money thing," I said, interrupting the woman while still a bit flustered. "It's a physical and moral thing."
"Moral...." she said quietly. Yes, someone in the apartment complex tries to have some - instead of shooting at birds from the front porch and leaving beer cans around a tree, as others do.
"My mother died before she turned 60," I explained. "She had a brain aneurysm. And while I never saw proof of it, I think it was because she smoked for years." Mom was hooked on Salem cigarettes for most of those years - before menthol brands somehow became something only African-American people smoke.
Because my mother died relatively young and smoked so long, I could not in good conscience loan two dollars to this stranger for buying cigarettes. The financial return might have been nice - but she might have returned second-hand smoke to my front porch as well.
(Only later did I realize an extra point I could have made. This could have been the woman's golden opportunity to give up the cigarette habit - and actually save some dollars, instead of asking me for some.)
The woman understood my explanation, and didn't push the issue further. "I'm Vicki," she concluded. "I live in apartment eight."
"Then why does your shirt say Debbie?"
Sure enough, it did -- a "Debbie" on one side of her blue shirt, and some kind of union logo on the other. Her claim to live in apartment eight now seemed even more suspicious. If I was a TV detective, the DNA swab would have come out.
"I must have picked it up at a clothing bank.... at First Baptist Church." Now it was the woman who seemed a bit flustered. Had I caught her in a lie? Or is she paying someone back two shirts next Tuesday as well?
With that, the conversation ended - and I haven't seen the woman since. So was she really a neighbor? I went to the area of apartment eight Saturday to find out. "Who lives there?" I asked the man in apartment nine.
"I don't know her name," Sam answered. Vicki/Debbie had dropped Sam's name during the Friday chat -- and the people around him on the porch made this the closest thing to a Sam's Club in the downtown Columbus area.
"But a woman lives there?!" I asked -- and explained who came to my door the day before.
"Yeah," another apartment dweller piped up. Then he helped in the identification process.
"White woman?"
Yes, she was.
"Long hair?"
Yes, she had that.
"Big boobs?"
Uhhhh -- I admit I don't normally pay attention to things like that.
So it appears Vicki/Debbie actually is a neighbor of mine. All these years I thought I was the only white person in my complex - but if she's been living down the walkway for three years, I've been proven wrong. And that makes two people who have never been invited to the other residents' frequent cookouts.
E-MAIL UPDATE: Sometimes we don't spot our errors soon enough. We read this e-mail only after we fixed an item in Friday's entry:
Hi Richard,
After reading todays (9-29) blog, with the message about garbage pick up starting in Smiths Station, I noticed you mentioned Talbot County complaining about the change...are you sure you didn't mean MARION County? Because Talbot County has had garbage pick up for quite some time now, and being a resident of the booming metropolis known as Marion County, I can tell you first hand that there is quite a bit of complaining and gnashing of teeth going on out here about the garbage service that starts Monday morning!
Faithful reader,
Jennifer Moore
Jennifer is right - and my apologies for the mixup. But are they picking up trash in ALL of Talbot County? I mean, isn't that messy recreation center still closed?
So Marion County and Smiths Station BOTH will begin curbside trash pickup Monday morning. There doesn't seem to be as much "gnashing of teeth" about it in Smiths -- perhaps because the residents there realize they ARE in a "booming metropolis."
Now to the messy situations in area schools, which we also mentioned Friday:
The real hero of the loaded gun situation at HHS is the person who stepped up and did the right thing..told an authority figure...but from what I hear students were asking,"Who is the snitch"...so much for brain matter....
This writer about Hardaway High School must have had a different school environment than I did. When I was young, it was NOT a good thing to be slapped with the label "tattletale." But celebrity tabloids weren't offering big money for it back then, either....
But I also remember what we were taught in school about Communist countries. The teachers suggested one bad thing about Communism was how children were encouraged to report disloyal parents, and were treated like heroes when they did. It seemed like a more civilized time for me - but perhaps that was because everyone around me kept their mouths shut.
Sad to say, the Ledger-Enquirer reports a Forrest Road Elementary School teacher resigned this past week - after being arrested on charges of slapping a student. Maybe a TV station can sell reports about this to advertisers. The "Tae Kwon Do Plus" scoreboard now stands at Russell County schools eight arrests, Muscogee County one.
Finally, one good restaurant review deserves another:
If you want some good food go to the original "Pat's at the Backwaters" on River Rd...On Thurs night they have delicious grouper for $8.99...grilled or fried with 2 sides..and the ice cream cake is out this world and into the next...
There was no name on this message - so if the manager of Pat's sent this, I expect dinner for $4.99 when I come to visit.
Thanks to all of you who write - and now let's write down some brief items from a fabulous fall weekend:
+ A Saturday night run on the Riverwalk (3.4 miles nonstop!) revealed there will be a bit more light on it around 22nd Avenue. It's thanks to the Road America call center, which is about to open above the walk. But I wish Road America would lend three or four of those lights to the city, so the wooden bridge near Port Columbus actually had some.
+ Judge Robert Johnston ordered the Chattahoochee County Commission to keep funding the sheriff's department, and keep working on a compromise budget. Meanwhile, Police Chief Ken Suddeth says he's hired five officers for his new force - so they can arrest sheriff's deputies, and bring things into balance.
(Four Chattahoochee County residents have filed a lawsuit, to stop the county from starting a police force. Either these people are relatives of sheriff's department staff members, or someone should check for meth labs in their basements.)
+ Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue announced a new "You Deserve to Know the Truth" web site. It's for you to use "just in case" Mark Taylor presents attack ads. I'm frankly surprised Taylor hasn't put any on the air yet - so this site is a bit like drawing a line in the mud.
+ The Columbus Civic Center offered four cardiopulmonary resuscitation classes. People who trained on CPR received free admission to the Greater Columbus Fair - and probably encouraged to stand close to the funnel cake vendors.
+ The annual "Phenix Invitational" marching band festival brought about 12 bands to Garrett-Harrison Stadium. Something needs to be done to spice up contests like this. How about a tuba lifting championship?
+ "Hands On Columbus" week began with Carver High School students doing landscaping work on the school grounds. It looks like we've found the best week of the year to be a janitor.
+ Carver remained unbeaten in high school football, by clobbering Columbus 58-0. You know it's bad when the Columbus coach tries to call the Spencer High School coach, for advice about scoring....
+ The Georgia Bulldogs remained undefeated by mussing Mississippi 14-9. The game didn't end until after midnight ET - so I was a bit surprised Larry Munson didn't fall asleep during the fourth quarter.
+ Instant Message to Rivertown Ford: Are you THAT short-staffed?! I mean, when the dancing turkey has to write the prices on the cars in your infomercial, I have to wonder....
BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.11 a gallon at Reese's Marathon on Warm Springs Road.... spicy chicken sandwiches for 99 cents at Church's (they're really quite mild).... FREE music on the final day of the Greater Columbus Fair, simply by standing in the parking lot near the softball stadium and not going in....
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