12 OCT 06: HONOR YOUR MOTHER

Guest bloggers are offering entries for a few days, while your regular blogger is on vacation. This item was submitted by Columbus attorney Maxine Hardy.

My mother, ordinarily a calm and sensible sort, is absolutely appalled whenever I tell her this. Robert, my office-neighbor and official Black friend, snorts and rolls his eyes in his “foolish white woman” expression whenever I bring up the subject.

It’s about my child. I will admit that he is a little . . . well, “indulged” would be the word. He is my only child and I had already been married for over twenty years by the time he was born. Since I am the only one of my parents’ children still living in the same town as they, my child is the only grandchild with whom they have daily contact. Needless to say, my son was well received by his family.

My mom did her best to instill her own good values in me when I was little. She is a big believer in hard work and independence. As a child, I always knew that I would get an education and go to work when I grew up. My mom and my grandmother had always worked. My great-grandmother, who lived next door to us when I was little, worked beside her husband and children in the cotton fields in north Georgia. I believe in work and I believe everyone should work.

Like my mother, I want my child to grow up to be independent and to work hard. But there is something else that I want for my child, and this is where I part ways with family and friends: I want my child to grow up with a sense of entitlement.

It seems to me—and I may be wrong about this—but I think that a lot of people around me seem to get what they expect. People who, as children, were raised with a certain degree of privilege grow into privileged adults. People who grew up with most of their material wants and needs satisfied become adults whose material wants and needs are satisfied. People who, as children, were listened to become adults whom others listen to.

I want those things for my child.

The problem that I’m running into is that it’s hard to know where to draw the line. There are some indications that my son is a little spoiled. (His grandmother blames this squarely on me, if you can imagine.) I listen to him and carry on long conversations with him, so he thinks all adults should do the same. I buy him most (not all) of the things he asks for, and he thinks that is only to be expected. So, I guess I’m getting what I said I wanted. But now I find myself looking for a little humility to go with the sense of entitlement. Am I asking for too much? How do you teach humility to a little man who thinks he’s entitled to everything?

I was honored when Richard asked me to be a guest blogger during his vacation. Unfortunately, as I told Richard, I never know anything about what’s going on around town until I read it on his blog. I considered just making up a bunch of stuff, but I can’t make up things that are as crazy as real life. So I just decided that I would write about something that’s on my mind and this is it. If you’ve actually read this far and you have an opinion about any of this, send it to Richard. I hear enough about it from my mom.

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: suspended for vacation