27 OCT 06: POSTAL CHESS

An "informational picket" was set up outside the main Columbus Post Office Thursday. Sadly, it was arranged by the postal workers - not ordinary people who think if gas prices can come down, so can the price of stamps.

The American Postal Workers Union arranged informational pickets from coast to coast, because it claims there's a "secret plan" to shut down more than 100 mail distribution centers. One place on the list is the Columbus center on Milgen Road -- perhaps because it's too close to Peachtree Mall, and too far from Columbus Park Crossing.

Postal workers on the picket line claim if the Columbus mail processing center is shut down, all local mail will be handled in Macon -- even if it's a letter going from one side of town to the other. And we all know you can't trust those people in Macon. Why, they named a hockey team the "Whoopie" - not once, but twice.

Columbus postal workers warn if the processing center on Milgen Road is closed, your mail could be delayed by as much as a week. So?! Some people would have extra time to make sure their bill payments don't bounce.

But here's the strange thing - the U.S. Postal Service denies there are any plans to close processing centers. So this "secret plan" the Postal Workers Union is talking about is so secret, even top executives in Washington don't seem to know about it.

It's fairly easy to see why the American Postal Workers Union sets up these picket lines. It's concerned about losing jobs, if the Postal Service consolidates. I'm tempted to say employees would be "out on the street" - except people who deliver the mail every day already are.

The Postal Service promises NO jobs would be lost, if any consolidation occurred. Postal workers simply would be "reassigned." Even though the mail might be delayed three days, more letter carriers would mean you'd finally get that letter earlier in the morning.

If no job cuts would occur at the Postal Service during a consolidation, what would be the point of it? In most businesses, consolidation is done to save money -- and it costs less money to buy green cubicle walls than roomy separate offices.

(Besides, wouldn't the movement of mail processing from Columbus to Macon wind up costing the Postal Service extra money? All the conspiracy theorists expect fuel prices to jump back up after the election.)

Yet when I heard about the postal pickets, I thought about the alternatives to the Postal Service. Don't package delivery services such as Federal Express already do the very thing postal workers fear? So many FedEx planes go in and out of the Memphis airport that staff members have their own sports arena to visit during layovers.

BIG PREDICTION: When Florida International plays football at Alabama Saturday, at least 2,000 fans in Tuscaloosa will go home disappointed if a bench-clearing brawl doesn't break out.

Please don't stomp on anyone, as we check other Thursday news headlines:

+ A large crowd attended a public hearing on plans for new Columbus recreational facilities. Some people want a new swimming pool. Others want a new ice rink. And the Fraternal Order of Police may have been there, demanding everything be underfunded.

+ An evening jog found two Columbus police cars outside Bludau's restaurant at Fourth and Broadway. There must have been a crime going on - because the officers would tell you they can't possibly afford to eat dinner there.

+ The new owner of Parisian stores confirmed the Peachtree Mall location will close, instead of changing to a Belk store. It's just as well, I suppose - because countless veterans probably have been boycotting a store which sounds like it's connected with France.

(The last time Peachtree Mall lost a major store, it was Montgomery Wards - and Rich's/Macy's eventually was found to fill the gap. So what big department stores are out there, waiting to replace Parisian? I can think of one - but Neiman-Marcus would sell the same clothing for twice the price.)

+ The Columbus Museum announced its schedule of exhibits for next year. Executives say there will be a focus on the Civil War and World War II. Those of you who prefer to focus on peace can drive down the hill, and hang out with Columbus State University art students downtown.

+ Carver High School lost a big football showdown at LaGrange 13-6. Tiger Coach Dell McGee said Carver had too many turnovers. Next time, they should eat brownies for dessert at lunch instead.

+ WRBL's "special campaign coverage" found Creshon Saunders introducing interviews with the candidates for Georgia Lieutenant Governor - only then we saw an older woman with pigtails talking about beer in Auburn and Opelika. I didn't know Thursday's Chamber of Commerce breakfast had an Oktoberfest theme....

(It was either that, or the Prohibition Party somehow put candidates on the Georgia state ballot.)

+ Instant Message to Richard Hyatt of the Ledger-Enquirer: Were you kidding with Thursday's column? If the donation from the Foxy Lady Lounge owner to Jim Wetherington's campaign "isn't news," why has your paper printed lists of campaign donors for years? Is the paper stopping that, to make room for more large front-page pictures of bartenders?

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: Is a candidate's TV commercial playing a subtle "race card?" We plan to ask....

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