7 DEC 05: GIVE ME THE BIRD
It's happened again! Another downtown landmark has disappeared, seemingly without a trace. Now don't worry, Government Center employees - no one has seized your private parking spaces....
If you've walked along Broadway with your head up, you might have seen it -- statues of two chickens on a balcony above Fountain City Coffee. We're sad to report one of the chickens has vanished. The owner has taken the other one into seclusion -- but hopefully not a federal chicken protection program.
Robert Saliba told WRBL Tuesday someone took "Charlie" his concrete chicken over Thanksgiving weekend. Now he's posted a reward poster outside Fountain City Coffee, downstairs from his loft home. If that doesn't work, the Columbus Public Library may show the old movie, "Where's Charley?"
Robert Saliba admits he has NOT contacted Columbus Police about his missing chicken. I'm not sure why not. Maybe he considers it too small a case -- or maybe he's concerned officers who find it will try to eat it for dinner.
Whoever took Charlie apparently knows Robert Saliba's e-mail address -- because Saliba showed WRBL's Chris Sweigart a message with a picture of the chicken, and a ransom demand. So can't these two track down the e-mailer? Or was an anonymous address used, like "Is Your Chicken Safe?"
The concrete chicken thief isn't asking for a big ransom - only $100. For someone who lives in a downtown loft apartment, you'd think this would be chump change to pay....
But the reward poster outside Fountain City Coffee offers $500 for Charlie's safe return. The only other place in the area with a bird that expensive is in a dining hall at Callaway Gardens.
This isn't the first time a Broadway icon of this sort has vanished. A couple of years ago, someone stole the Civil War-era cannon in front of Cannon Brew Pub. It eventually came back - and the owners thankfully did NOT respond by replacing it with an AK-47.
I'm no "Chicken Cold Case" detective, but why am I a bit suspicious about Robert Saliba's story? The kidnapper of Charlie seems to know his e-mail address, Saliba seemed to smile through much of the WRBL report - and well, is anyone planning to open a wing stand on Broadway?
I also recall news stories from other cities in recent years, where prized pets (real or imitation) have been taken on world tours by friends of their real owners. It was one part guessing game, one part mystery - and perhaps one part "finals project" for a public relations major.
But let's assume Robert Saliba is telling the truth. Who might be considered a suspect in the kidnapping of Charlie the concrete chicken? In no particular order....
+ Lee Bayard, who sells concrete creations on 13th Street -- for what good is a concrete bird bath without a concrete bird to test it?
+ Backyard Burgers -- new in town, and retaliating for all those cows in Chick-fil-A commercials.
+ "Rooster 106 FM" -- where the usual mascot might be on vacation.
+ The Tyson poultry plant in Marion County - where many employees can confound detectives, by claiming they only speak Spanish.
Because we're on early deadlines all week, we must stop the chicken dance here and quickly review other vitally important Tuesday news:
+ Columbus Police were called to a Spectrum store on Buena Vista Road, amid reports someone was stuffed in a car trunk and shot. But WRBL reported in reality, someone fired accidentally at a trunk filled with stereo speakers. The quality of the talk radio stations on those speakers must be amazing.
+ Chambers County authorities reported someone stole 30 trees from a "Christmas tree farm," and even chopped the stumps into pieces. Whoever did this took that "if a tree falls in the forest and no one can hear it" experiment much too far.
+ The Phenix City Council voted to join the "Valley Partnership," which promotes regional economic development. Mayor Jeff Hardin apparently realizes this might be his last good chance to bring a first-run movie theater to town.
(Phenix City officials also named Victor Cross the city's new Economic Development Director. He's currently President of the Chamber of Commerce - so he'll understand if residents on the south side of town consider driving to Eufaula to shop.)
+ Russell County Judge Al Johnson officially announced he's running for the Alabama Supreme Court. Hopefully the staff of Probate Judge Al Howard is restraining him, so he doesn't demand Johnson's office space already.
+ Former Auburn head coach Pat Dye was inducted in the College Football Hall of Fame. For those of you who don't remember Dye -- he was the coach run off campus before they tried it with Tommy Tuberville.
+ Josh Smith of the Atlanta Hawks was suspended two games, for elbowing a player in Phoenix Sunday. At least Smith gives sports reporters a reason to mention the Hawks at all....
BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Two Hershey bars for 78 cents at Spectrum.... gas for $1.91 a gallon at Dolly Madison on Victory Drive.... and they still serve free "chow line" food at the V.F.W. Lodge, after the Pearl Harbor Day ceremony....
SCHEDULED THURSDAY: A local blog which could win a national award.... and an ant update....
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